Stale air filled the halls of Canterlot castle. The seat of power in Equestria, home of it’s twin Princesses. Twilight had not delayed like I expected her to. Perhaps in her own mind she needed answers now before the anger she felt dissipated. I say that because she was not in a forgiving mood. Twilight had been mumbling her plan of verbal attack to herself for hours.

I was surprised when she showed up bright and early at the farm, but the letter she held in her magic told the tale. Twilight had been writing to Celestia like I’d asked. But there was a lot that simply couldn’t be put across through words on paper. Twilight had decided that we needed to go speak with Celestia again.

I agreed but the prospects of me turning back were well and truly spent. I knew that there would be no easy outs at this point. In a sense I only went for Twilight’s sake. She needed to confront Celestia herself, because she’d violated her trust in a way that she’d never expected. Me on the other hand, my one and only experience with her seemed to be her fucking with me.

“So this is the final showdown.”

Twilight frowned, “What do you mean?”

“You know, we’ll confront her in the throne room, she throws some magic spells at us, and we’ll work together to find a way to beat her…”

“…I’ve never once seen Celestia fight with anypony.”

I crossed my arms, “Well that’s good because I was joking.”

“It’s just that she did such a horrible thing to you. I would have thought that you’d try to get revenge.”

“Revenge? What kind of revenge’d that be? Beat her up? The immortal goddess and ruler of an entire country? Report her to the police? Do you people even have police?”

“Uh, in the bigger cities…”

“Well, I doubt they’re going to fucking show up and slap some hoofcuffs on her. I hope that’s what they’re called. Or maybe I’ll tattle to her fucking sister.” Twilight tried to distract herself by looking out of the window, but she understood my point. I wasn’t Arnold Schwarzenegger. I was a large pony who dug through shit and kicked trees for a living.

“It’s not fair.”

“After this, I never want to talk about it again.”

“But! What? We need to change you back!”

“It’s too late. This game’s over.” Twilight said nothing as we pulled into the station at Canterlot.

We hopped off the train and walked to the castle gates, there were a pair of guards waiting to escort us to the room where Celestia was waiting. It was a comfortable room adorned with pillows and purple fabric, an odd place if any for the climax of this conflict. I didn’t say a word, I was waiting for Twilight to say her piece.

“Princess…”

Celestia gave a pleasant smile tinged with a sense of unease. There was a hesitation to it that suggested that she thought such pleasantries were in fact inappropriate given the situation. “Twilight. Have a seat.”

We sat our little pony flanks down on a pair of pillows. Celestia towered over us. She laid out a letter on the table. I hadn’t read what Twilight had sent. But I was about to get an earful of it. Twilight took a breath to steady herself.

“I’m so angry at you. All the things you taught me, about being open, caring about others. You threw that all away. I thought that after what happened with Princess Luna, you’d know better. But I was being naïve, some habits are too hard to change. The way you reacted to Gerry is out of line. I want to know what you were thinking when you manipulated me like this.”

Celestia remained stoic as she explained herself. “In my haste to prevent the death of another – I did not consider the consequences of my actions. Knowing that there was no way back, not even using my own magic, I concealed the truth from you to spare your feelings.”

Twilight nearly leapt over the table, “You didn’t spare anyone’s feelings! You used me!”

“And for that I apologize Twilight.”

“You didn’t trust me enough to know. But you didn’t even know the danger that you put Gerry into. Not from loneliness, but from himself. You split him in two.”

I nodded. Celestia’s mouth was a thin line, she wasn’t used to being put under this kind of pressure.

“I already told you why that spell should have been left buried, yet you ignored my advice, and Gerry’s wishes, and used it anyway! What would you have done if things went wrong Princess? I can’t believe that you of all ponies would do this!”

Celestia had never expected to be confronted by her own student in such a way. The meek, shy mare who had avoided making friends and enemies in equal measure, standing up for someone against her! She didn’t know how to feel, and I can only speculate. Was it pride? After all, this was the place where Celestia wanted her to be the entire time. To find something to care about.

“A while ago Twilight brought it up to me. And I told her that I didn’t want it to happen, because I valued myself and the things that I was. The thought of turning myself fully into a pony, a female one. No. It wasn’t a thought, it was a feeling. Something as obvious as breathing. I didn’t want it. But it happened anyway. The thing is, now I feel the same way about turning back.

“Do you realize how that works Princess?” I continued, “Two wrongs did make a right, but I don’t have to be happy about it. I don’t have to accept it. And that doesn’t mean that it was the just thing to do.”

Celestia and Twilight shared a glance that spoke more than words ever could.

“You’ve wronged me in so many ways. You made me endure horrible things and then took my choice away when I wanted so desperately for it to be fixed. I’ve become what I didn’t want to. I also don’t want to go back. I’m back to normal, a normal that I didn’t choose, but a normal nonetheless.”

“Didn’t you want to stay… you?” Twilight asked.

“I am still me. I’m all the piss and thunder that I was a few months ago. I still remember.” Celestia made a motion to speak, but I held up my hoof and stopped her. “I don’t want your apologies. I want you to say it. And I want you to promise to never do anything like this again, not ever. Even when it tears you up so badly inside – because you won’t feel one tenth of what I felt.”

Celestia did not look away, “I was wrong.” It wasn’t spoken with hesitation. Celestia had made up her mind about the issue the moment I’d finished my piece. “As old as I am, there are things that even I do not know. I hurt you to placate only myself.”

“…Good.”

“If your desire is to stay as you are, even still. I do not know what more I can do to compensate you.”

“I don’t want compensation or pity. I’m going to keep going in spite of you, not thanks to you. And stop badgering Mac about me – it’s embarrassing.”

“I merely wished to see how you were adjusting…”

“I merely wished for you to keep your damn snout of my fucking business. I’m not a toy. Anything else Twilight?”

I knew that there’d be no easy answers. There was no way back now, the damage was irreparable. But at the least Celestia seemed to understand on some level what I was talking about. She was a complete fuckup. I shouldn’t have been surprised that she didn’t even think through her own meddling to the end. She’d fallen from the competency tree and hit every branch on the way down. She didn’t even understand the mental implications of changing someone against their will until I told her…

“Wait, I have one more thing. Don’t think that you can go doing this to other people just because you have an easy way out now. You basically brainwashed me.” Celestia closed her eyes and didn’t open them until I was done. I’d gathered momentum on my scolding and didn’t want to stop now. “Because I don’t know if in a few years I’m enduring a new kind of self-horror imposed by you. When the contradictions about myself get too evident. Because I still remember every little thing about myself – can those two people live in the same body? Will I go back to square one?”

Her purple eyes opened again, “Yes. I understand.”

“There’s no recourse for me outside of what you grant. I want you to think about that the next time you do something like this. The only consequence you face is the one you choose. Because you live in a privileged position, all the power and wealth in the world is yours. You won’t be tried in a court of law, and you’ll never be abandoned by the people around you. And how am I supposed to know that you’re even taking in what I’m saying? I don’t. How do I know that you feel bad about this? Do you?”

“Yes. It is as you say. That is the reality of my being. I will not wilt from age; I am the highest authority in the land. I know that imbalance all too well. The only reckoning I face is my own.”

Twilight stared down at the table. Her bravado had left her minutes ago between my own verbal assault. “I’ll keep sending you my reports. But… I don’t know if I can tell you everything anymore. You breached my trust, something I thought I’d earned. I thought you’d always be open with me at least.”

This was the stake that drove at Celestia’s heart. I knew that my own words wouldn’t have the same impact that hers would. She wavered, “Twilight…”

“Gerry is my friend too. And I need to stand up for him! Even if it’s you. In fact, because it’s you. I need to say something for him. Would he even be here if I didn’t ask? What would his recourse be? Where would his justice come from? Would it end at the gates of this castle?”

“…Perhaps.”

“Then… you need to think. About the ponies you look after. I know you care more than anything else. Someone who wouldn’t, wouldn’t do all this. But even if you care that doesn’t mean you can see the harm you might be causing. You hurt Gerry and you didn’t even know. And you wouldn’t have known if he wasn’t my friend.”

Celestia had a bitter pill to swallow. “I’m still angry,” I concluded. “But now there’s nothing left to do or say. I’ve had my moment.” I rose from my place and left the room. Twilight said a hurried goodbye and followed me. The doors slammed shut and we were alone again.

“…That went well!” I chirped. Twilight wasn’t having my fake enthusiasm. Her eyes grew red with bloodshot mania.

“What a complete disaster! She probably hates me now!”

“I think hate is a strong word Twilight.”

“She’s never going to talk to me again!”

Sounded good to me. The sooner I got out of Canterlot the better. My discomfort has only been enhanced by my heat. I was afraid that Celestia would bite my head off. Although that wouldn’t make much sense, considering the extreme lengths she’d taken to pre-emptively preserve my life. I couldn’t help but wonder what kind of person the other human, or humans, were. Did they all die in such a way? Isolated from their own society?

Or was it something more personal to Celestia. She took everything personally that happened under her watch, but even so – maybe she had a closer connection to the human than I originally thought. She wasn’t above getting emotionally involved in matters that was for sure.

“Twilight, she’s probably happy that you stood up to her for once. Didn’t she send you down to Ponyville so you could, you know, grow up a little? Make some friends?”

“Yes. That’s right. But, are you sure?”

“Twilight, what did I say when we get off the train?”

Twilight opened her mouth to speak again but stopped herself before any sound escaped. I was just trying to comfort myself. The road was closed. There was no way to go further than she had already – that was what I’d like to think. That fantasy was better than the reality of facing the same choice again. I didn’t want it, I genuinely didn’t want it, but Celestia sabotage had throw me onto the other side of the fence.

Now I was a woman, who didn’t want to be a man. Not just because there wasn’t an easy transformation back on the other wise of it. After all the complaining, and self-harm, and resistance to subscribing to any feminine norm. It had all been undone with a single spell, a spell that Twilight had only mentioned in passing to someone she thought she could trust. It had angered me. I couldn’t pretend that it hadn’t. Celestia had violated my right to choose my own path, without even the slightest hint of knowing what the consequences were.

Natural disaster.

Did Celestia have feelings under her practiced façade? Or were they dead and gone long before I’d arrived in Equestria? I wasn’t malicious enough to think that. Not honestly anyway. It was the kind of thought that would stray through my mind during outbursts of anger. I preferred to think that any person, no matter how long lived, could still feel something for the world after it all. Her dignity was for the sake of others, I was sure that hysteria lay somewhere underneath. We boarded the train and made a quick escape from the capital city before she beheaded us for our insolence.

Perhaps having the last word was good enough.

The rocking of the train carriage did nothing to distract my mind, “I’m a fucking idiot.” My chest heaved as a well of emotion swelled up inside me, I couldn’t help it. I started bawling on the train like a toddler.

“Gerry?” Twilight was beside me, but her attempts to calm me were fruitless. This was something that I needed to do for myself. I’d been holding it in for too long.

“I miss them. I miss my old life. It sucked but it was mine! And now it’s gone.” Twilight reserved any further comfort until my tears dried, luckily there was no one else in the carriage to see it. My cheeks burned with embarrassment. “I’m sorry.”

“There’s nothing to be sorry for. Everypony… cries sometimes.”

I exhaled, long and hard. “I don’t know what to do now. Like, if I’m giving up on going home, what am I supposed to do with myself?”

“…What anypony else does. You’ve got things to do, so you should try to enjoy them. This isn’t any different from what was happening before Gerry. You’re in control. So… do what you want.”

“What I want?”

“Yeah! Sometimes I go and do what I want, even if it seems a bit mean.”

I leaned against the window and looked at the rolling mountains below us. I was on the edge of the world; it was up to me if I wanted to jump.

“Twilight… thank you for everything.”

Author's Notes:

A huge thank you to:
Evo
Korenav

For supporting me on patreon.

Remember a while ago when I said that this was a disaster story? I didn't go into writing Adjustment with the idea that any one person could be responsible, but over time I worked in a plot about Celestia being involved and here we are now in these author's notes justifying my decisions in a damage control measure.

I myself feel a bit responsible for the way that people have reacted to the "conflict" between Celestia and Gerry. This was a battle that was only ever going to end one way, and I hope that I put across how that felt to Gerry and Twilight in this chapter. Twilight's relationship with Celestia has been irreparably changed for better or worse, and Gerry is now at a new crossroads in life which we'll explore in the next few chapters.

I suppose I have a thing for complicated relationships with authority that involve transformation. Cough, The King and I cough. Although that one has a lot more direct action in it and also a bit of porn.

I know this chapter will upset some people - but I hope it's in a good way. Your empathy for Gerry as a character etc. I hope that you understand my perspective on this. I could have easily given Gerry some way of striking back at Celestia. Getting her in trouble, attacking her, but I didn't. I'm going to stick to my guns by publishing this chapter. This is the conclusion to this conflict that I wanted to make - not with a bang, but with a word.

Of course the story isn't quite over yet, and perhaps Gerry's actions will have consequences that outlive him. I hope you'll stick with me because we're nearly there.