Author's Notes:

A huge thank you to:
Evo
Korenav

For supporting me on patreon.

God this was awkward.

Mac was not one for discussion. To crack him open was an impossible task. Everything had to be phrased as a yes or no question. It was extra hard considering that I also had to essentially reject him at the same time as revealing that I wasn’t a pony. It was better to rip off the band-aid quickly rather than drag it out though.

The first chance I got alone with Mac – which was rare since he tended to wander off and do his own thing – I decided to pull him aside. If I did it one at a time it’d be easier, right? That’s what I thought anyway. Instead it made it feel overly personal. And it was only when we were stood out in the orchard together that I realized what an impression I must have made when I asked him to talk in private.

“So… Mac.”

He stared at me. His face a mask.

“I wanted to talk to you about something. Uh, it’s about why AJ let me stay on the farm with you. I thought it was about time that I… told you about it.”

He nodded once.

“So, I told you that I moved to Ponyville recently.”

“Yup.”

“That’s true – I was new to town. And I do have a very expensive and time-consuming qualification in agriculture. But the other parts, I might have lied a little bit.”

Mac frowned. In the way that Mac frowns, which is to say not much at all.

“I am currently afflicted with an… unfortunate magical condition that turned me into a pony. I only became a pony in the past few months. AJ and Twilight gave me a hoof and let me stay on your farm. So a lot of things I’ve said about my past were untrue, I was too afraid to admit that.”

“…Yup.”

“Is that it? I thought you’d be shocked.”

Mac shook his head. “I knew you were lyin’ but it ain’t my place to say so.”

“Thanks. I guess. But you know, I don’t want to stay a pony. It’s not good for my health.”

I was really leaning into the whole not wanting to be a pony thing, in the hope that maybe Mac was… racist or something. Or at least didn’t like the idea of interspecies dating. Mac didn’t seem all that upset. But on the other hand Mac never seemed much of anything at all – he could be in a mad rage on the inside and I’d never know.

“You gotta’ do what’s best for yourself,” he said. “If it’s bad for you.”

Go on, say it Gerry.

“And I used to. I used to be…”

What can’t you say it? Idiot. The words died in my throat. Why couldn’t I just say it? Was I afraid of how he’d react?

“I’m sorry for lying Mac. I better get back to AJ.”

You fucking coward.

“Yup.”

Worthless human being.

“See you later.”

I trotted away and back to where Applejack was working. What the hell was I doing? The entire point of me telling the truth was to get them to call me by my real name! I’d well and truly fucked it up. An act of cowardice greater than any I’d ever been involved with before. It was solely for my benefit too. Applejack was in the middle of bucking another tree when I arrived.

“How’d it go?” she asked, kicking the trunk with her back hooves.

I couldn’t out the most important part.

“You know what Mac’s like, he seemed supportive.”

“He’s never been one to kick up a fuss. You don’t have to apologize to us though.”

“But I want to. I’ve been staying in your home and eating your food, so I owe you that at least.”

“I let you in knowing how things were Gerry. And you’ve worked your flank off for us every day since.”

“That’s the bare minimum an adult should do.”

“An adult would know about the heat…”

“A human adult doesn’t have to deal with stuff like that!”

There was an awkward silence. With no work to bury myself in there was nowhere to hide. Applejack looked at me, her eyes narrowed. “You didn’t tell him, did you?” Applejack knew that she wouldn’t lose out by asking. I could be honest about it or lie again.

“Okay, maybe telling Mac first was a bad idea.”

“Come on Gerry!”

“It’s hard! Imagine walking up to one of your friends and telling them you want them to treat you like you’re a stallion!”

Applejack pulled off her signature hat and scratched her own scalp. “I don’t know much about that. But you’re only hurtin’ yourself.”

She was right. Applejack was always right. Cutting to the heart of the problem like a talented surgeon, a tree surgeon. I was only screwing with myself by not making things clear. “Well, I can’t just go back and re-do it now.”

“Gerry…”

“Listen, I’ll tell him when I tell Applebloom. It’ll be easier that way.”

“Do you want me to be there too? If you’re havin’ trouble getting the words out, I can help.”

“I need to do it myself.”

“I ain’t taking no for an answer, I’ll be there.” Applejack bucked the tree as if to punctuate her decision. I couldn’t exactly stop her from coming and observing. I knew that it was meant to be tough love – but I wasn’t sure if I could get angry about it. I knew I needed to tell everybody the truth for my own health, not for their comfort.

So when the day had come to an end, and we were gathered in the living room after dinner – Me, AJ, Mac, and Bloom sat down together. Granny Smith didn’t seem to even notice I was there most of the time and had gone to her room to sleep. Applebloom made things difficult. I didn’t know if she’d take to the idea. The safest way to handle it was to try and keep things simple.

I started by going through the same speech that I gave to Mac earlier. Bloom followed along and seemed to even enjoy the story that I was weaving. I looked to Mac and nodded, “I didn’t tell you the full tale earlier. There’s something else I wanted to tell you that I was afraid to say.”

“What is it?” Bloom demanded on the edge of her seat, “Were you a super-secret royal agent? Do you know Princess Celestia?”

Applejack tapped her on the shoulder, “Bloom, we all know Princess Celestia.”

“…Yeah, ah’ suppose.”

I ripped the band-aid quickly. “I used to be a stallion.”

“Wah-“

Mac leaned back in his seat, and for what might be the first time in his life – he displayed the emotion of surprise. There was a moment of silence before his usual neutral expression returned, “I can see why’d that’d be important,” he mumbled.

“So, you used to be a colt?” Applebloom asked again.

“Yes. It has caused me a great deal of discomfort,” I swallowed, “In fact it is detrimental to my health. I’ve asked Twilight to find a way to change me back, but progress is slow.”

“Ya’ seem healthy to me,” Applebloom fidgeted in her seat.

Applejack stepped in to explain, “Being healthy ain’t just about your body Bloom. It’s about how you feel too.”

“Like when I lost my blanket?”

“Uh. Sure, but this ain’t something that can be fixed easy like.”

“Yes, she’s right. Until Twilight changes me back it’s something I’m going to have to live with. Which is why I’d like to ask you for… a favour.”

“And what’d that be?”

I looked between Mac and Bloom. Things had gone smoothly so far, but even asking for something as simple as this felt like swallowing a box of nails. “If you wouldn’t mind, could you use he and him, instead of she and her? With me, I mean. If you don’t mind.”

Another pregnant pause. Mac and Bloom tumbled the idea around in their minds. It was the single most suspenseful thing I’d ever experienced, and I was a big fan of horror movies. I was torn between expecting them to agree without an issue or kick my ass and boot me out of the house. Mercifully, they nodded.

“That sounds kinda’ hard, but I’ll try!”

“Yup.”

Applejack smiled, “See, now that wasn’t so bad was it?”

“You weren’t the one who had to say it.”

Applebloom scratched her chin, “So if Miss Twilight gonna’ help you get better?”

“Hopefully. Then I won’t need to ask anymore.” I stood from my seat, “You ever seen a mare my size? You should have known that something was wrong.”

“Come on, it’s not everyday that somebody gets their species changed…”

“Will that happen to me? Can I become a griffon!”

Applejack sighed, “I think you’re safe Bloom.”

I chuckled, “Thanks. This wasn’t so bad after all.”

“You’ve always got a helping hoof with us! Uh, one more thing, what about the name?”

I shook my head, “The name doesn’t bother me.” I could easily detach myself from the name. It wasn’t something that people assumed, nor could they determine it through my appearance. It was like signing up for a weird website with a fake email address. “You can call me Toffee all you want.”

“Wait, you have a secret agent name? Is it something cool, like Star Flash, or Blood Kill?”

Applejack scowled at her language. “Bloom, what have those other fillies been filling your head with?”

“No Applebloom, it’s not cool at all.”

“Aw.”