You feel the burn of everyone’s eyes on you as you lean forwards. The warm scent of apples fill your nostrils. You’re getting closer. Applejack’s snout softly pushes against your nose as you make contact. Inhaling a nervous, shaky breath, you take the next step. Because you want to.

You press your lips against hers, a brief rush of bliss running through your mind as - No, that’s not right! Stop it! Break it now!

Gasping from the sudden shock, you pull yourself away from the kiss. From your harsh thoughts that invaded the moment.

“Are you alright?” asks the pony you hold at arm’s length. Her expression turns sour and hopeless when she realises the truth; you’re too anxious to go any further. Your human instinct won‘t allow it. “I’m sorry if that disturbed you, sugar cube.” she hangs her head, “I prob’ly shouldn’t’ve asked you to do this, it was a darn selfish thing for me to do.”

“Applejack,” you draw her back to you, “I like you too. A lot! It’s just that… that…” you can’t do it. You can’t let her down like that. She’s a gem, someone - somepony - who took you in when every other pony in Equestria didn’t. She made you feel at home with her family. She gave you company when you felt alone in a world where you weren’t welcome. And you couldn’t even thank her with a simple kiss? A kiss that you both want?

“Let me try again. Please.” you say, already leaning into another attempt.

You can do this.

Your lips connect again, as you steadily breathe through your nose to calm your wavering nerves. Applejack’s hooves - She has hooves! Not hands, hooves! - grasp you by your shoulders, reassuring you. One of your hands rise up to her face as you kiss, taking in her features - That’s a snout! Do those eyes look human to you?!? - before you run your fingers through her hair. It’s not hair, it’s called a mane!

Your other hand slides down her body, feeling every fur of her coat, every curve of her body. You’re finally able to handle her soft, wet kiss that warms you from the inside. When your hand finally reaches her round rump, she stifles a giggle from her lips as it runs from there to her tail - Oh god, that’s a tail! She’s an animal, damn it! - and slowly back up again.

Are you ready for the next step? You hope so.

Your tongue pushes forward inside the kiss, an offering from you to her. To your delight, she responds in kind, your hot, wet tongues breaking down the barrier between human and pony, writhing in stimulation, in affection, in-

She’s a horse!

You’re kissing a horse!

STOP.

KISSING.

THE HORSE.

On that note, your mind crashes. Out of sheer panic, you tear yourself away from Applejack’s mouth with a mental yelp. Your breathing becomes erratic from the accusing, judgmental thoughts drilling inside your head again and again. Your stomach folds in on itself, tightening into a knot. Bringing your hands to your head in an attempt to stop the spinning doesn’t help.

You risk looking around the room, at all of the faces who saw you. Save for Spike, they’re all ponies. Animals. Beasts. One of them is sitting right next to you, an orange hoof resting on your shoulder, trying to be as supportive towards you as possible. You raise your head towards her. She’s a beast too.

“A-are you okay, hon?” Is that a quiver in her voice? “Was that too much for you to manage? I’m sorry if-”

As her words fade from your awareness, your eyes start to play horrible tricks on you. In a flash, Applejack’s face, rife with concern and guilt, disappears, and it replaced by the features of a pony. A real one. From home.

Her face flickers, fades, jitters from one extreme to another, from her bright green eyes and freckled cheeks to an elongated snout and muzzle. Ultimately, you lose the ability to tell the difference. You would still be able to taste her saliva inside your mouth, if it were not being invaded by the taste of acid from your stomach. And… ugh, you can’t take it!

In a state of desperation, you shove away Applejack’s helpful hoof and rise from the table, dashing out of the barn room. “Wh- Where are you going? Come back!” Ignoring her pleas, you dart up the stairs - tripping halfway, but that doesn’t stop you - and race towards the bathroom as your vision swims and your throat clogs. You can’t fight the retching bitter feeling that strangles you any more.

You barely have time to slam the bathroom door shut with a SLAM, and lock it before you throw yourself towards the toilet bowl and-

You’re still hanging there with your head in the bowl minutes later. You flush yet again to get rid of the nauseating contents that keep filling it. Your tears, heavy with regret, are somewhere in that mix as well. Your stomach has settled by now, sure. But the cost of what you had done?

Why did you kiss her if you couldn’t stand what she is? How are you even going to face her, or her family, again? You’ve probably broken her heart.

You know for certain your foolishness has broken your own.

The sound of hooves trotting towards the bathroom break the silence. Hoof-steps that, to your despair, you recognised.

A hoof raps three times on the door. Please don’t be her. Oh please, don’t let it be her.

“S-Sugar cube? Are you feeling better?”

Damn it.

“Are you good for talking, hon?” she calls from behind the locked door, “I’m sorry about this whole ruckus, I shoulda just kept my trap shut.”

“Applejack, no.” You croak, sitting with your back leaning back against the wall near the toilet. “You shouldn’t apologise. It’s me who’s freaking out about this. The fact that I’m a human doesn’t deter you in the slightest, does it?”

“Of course it doesn’t! If you love somepony- er, someone, then little things like race don’t matter!” It dawns on you how Applejack, and perhaps other ponies, see the situation. She mentions it like you’re just from a different race, not species. That you’re still a valid option. It’s a fair bet that all sentient creatures are up for grabs for each other in this world.

Also, when you’re listening to her voice from the other side of the door, she sounds far more human than she looks. Way to stoke the fires of guilt.

“Does… does me being a pony really irk you that much?” she says. You can definitely detect a crack in her voice as she spoke. Please, for the love of God, Celestia, whatever, just don‘t make this worse!

“I’m… an idiot.” As if that was going to explain your reaction. “When we were kissing - I loved it, by the way! - but I just couldn’t stop these weird thoughts. I kept thinking about how you were a… a pony, and how it wasn‘t supposed to work between us. It was like a huge brick wall in my head, and eventually I just…” You turn your head back towards the toilet, and shudder.

You take a deep breath, readying yourself for what revelation comes next. There’s really no way to avoid or hide from it.

“To answer your question; yes.” You’ve never felt such guilt kick you in the ribs before. Yet you just can’t stop talking there. “Applejack, I love living here on the farm with you. I love looking at the sunset with you, holding you. I love everything about you, and believe me, I would do so much for you. So much to you.” You pause; this is gonna hurt, “If only you were human.”

No response. For a moment, you wonder if she’s even there still.

Then you hear a faint sniffle. A choked sob. She heard every word.

You monster.

“Sis, what the hay is goin’ on?” a smaller, weedier voice resounds from behind the door, “Are you cryin’?

“Apple Bloom, why aren’t you in bed? Don’t you have your friends sleeping over?”

“I heard a door slam a few minutes back. It woke me up, and I couldn’t get back to sleep, so I thought I’d check it out.” the younger voice stops for a moment, as if assessing her surroundings, “Why are you cryin’ outside the bathroom Applejack? Is somepony in there and you really need to go?”

“No, Apple Bloom, it’s just…” she gives up. Why bother explaining the complicated concept of love, and with that, heartbreak, to a filly? “How about you just go back to bed? We‘ll talk about it in the morning.”

Apple Bloom does as she‘s told, the pitter-patter of her tiny hooves returning from whence they came. After a moment of silence, Applejack’s regretful hoof-steps head in the opposite direction, back to the barn.

The last decipherable words you hear from Applejack as she walks down the stairs; “Twilight, there’s somethin’ I’ve gotta ask of you. It’s important.”