The night had passed just about as quietly as I had hoped it would. Having slipped out under the cover of darkness, we had left the assholes waiting to ambush us long behind us. Well, at least I hope we did. My clothes had mostly dried out overnight, which was one less annoyance to deal with, though, it didn’t amount to much good considering it was my injuries that I wished would just disappear.

“Those sure were some good Pancakes, Boss!” Then there was Caltrop, the only other thing in the wasteland that I had wished would just disappear. What the hell was I thinking, bringing a pony along with me?

Storm just rolled her eyes and trotted past me. “Flattery will get you no where young man, but of course they were! She did learn from the best after all.” She was in a good mood this morning, and that troubled me. Grandma’s good moods normally end with the slaughter of a raider camp, the cleansing of a slaver auction, or the defeat of some monstrosity harassing the innocent ponies of the wasteland. Lost in thought, I had crested the last of the hills leading to the outskirts of the once great city of Baltimare. I say once great, because every city nowadays is the exact same ruin filled shit hole as the next. We just happened to call this one home.

“So, Grandma, what did you say you’re business was at Mom’s?” I knew she could see right through my question by the way she turned her head around and eyed me. She picked up the pace, breaking off from Caltrop and I with a smirk. With my bone still shooting pains up my leg every time I stepped on it, there was no way I was going to try to keep up with her today. Fuck running, I’m taking my time from now on.

“Oh, you know, just back so I can finally relax.” Her ears perked up as she picked her steps up into a gallop. “Time to deal with the fanatics, so I’ll go on up ahead to keep them off you. See you at home!” She took off down the road, a few random ponies looking at us before watching as she ran down the street and giving chase after her.

“So… I’m confused.” Caltrop’s voice was just at that pitch perfect annoyance this morning to where every word was like a nail being driven through my ear. “Why exactly is she runnin?”

I facehooved. “So the fanatics don’t bother us with their stupid requests.” I shot back a glare that he physically cringed from. “Look, I don’t need it rubbed in my face any more. So just shut your muzzle, and walk.” He seemed to think on that for a moment, raising a hoof to comment before I cut him off. “Did you forget rule number 3?” He shook his head at this and mercifully remained quiet.

For all of thirty seconds.

“Heya, boss. I need ta ask... why did ya save me?” His words made me freeze mid step. His hoofsteps fell silent as well, waiting for an answer that I hadn’t prepared. “Boss?”

“Why the fuck are you still following me?” I growled out, jumping to anger as I didn’t know what else to do. I have always kept everything in my life all neat and orderly, even the thoughts in my head. I’ve always been a step ahead of the curve, prepared for anything. So why the fuck hadn’t I figured out why? “You and I both know that you can get away at any time, and that I don't have the energy or care to give chase. So let me ask you this. Why do it?”

“I was bein serious before. I ain't got anythin waitin for me back home and I... I just wanted ta have a friend.” Still sticking to the same damn story. Either he’s avoiding the real reason, or he’s the dumbest asshole the wasteland has ever produced.

“But why me!? Out of anypony else in the wasteland, why the fuck did you choose to follow me?” I finally turned around, watching as he dropped his gaze to the ground. I don’t care if I was being harsh, or mean, or just downright bitchy. He fucking deserves it. After everything he did. After all the shit I’ve been through because of him.

“Because…because ya cared about me. ” He scoffed at the dirt with his hoof. “Nopony even cares when I'm around, it's like I'm invisible or somethin! And even when they do look at me? All they can see is a petty thief.” Was he actually crying? “But ya saw me for somethin other than a thief or a nopony. Ya saw me as another pony, as someone whole and substantial.” Ok, so he wasn’t crying, but as he raised his gaze up, it looked as if the waterworks could start at any moment.

I gave a sigh, trying to explain that it wasn’t that simple. “You misunderstand. I see every asshole out there as just another pony.” He gave a laugh at that through his display, wiping a hoof along his eyes.

“Then why don't ya tell me then, why did ya save me?” Now he sounded slightly angry, a bit of what little ego he carried with himself showing through. “An don't say my debt to ya, we both know ya could have just sold the supplies an cut ya losses. I want the truth.”

“I…” I still couldn’t say. When I saw him like that, I just... lept into action. There wasn't really a reason for it, I just… did. You know what the reason is. Shut up brain. I've never cared about anypony before besides Mom and Gramma, so why would I care about him? Why the fuck would I want to even consider him a friend? Admit it, you're tired of being alone.

I groaned. “FINE.” I flopped on the ground, not wanting to fight it anymore. The rest of my life had already fallen apart, so what’s the point in trying to keep that last load bearing beam from collapsing under the weight of the impending disaster above. “Because I’ve never had a friend before.” His ears perked at this, giving a sniffle from his muzzle as he smiled. “I didn’t want to lose the only one I might ever make.”

“So… we’re friends?” He really was like a foal, his sadsack attitude immediately swapped out for unbridled happiness.

“I didn’t say that.” I took a deep breath and pushed myself back up, wiping myself off as he walked up to me. “I said you might be my friend. As in, you’re still undergoing evaluation.” I pressed my forehoof into his chest hard, resuming the glare I had from before. “This doesn’t change shit. The rules for being my friend are a lot like the rules for being my employee. And the one thing that ESPECIALLY didn’t change, is the termination clause. Got it?”

“Whateveh ya say PC!” He gave me a wide grin, which I promptly smacked off of him. He rubbed his cheek and looked surprised. “Oh come on, ya can’t still require me ta call ya Boss!”

“I can, and I will.” I shifted my hoof and pointed back to the hills. “If you don’t like it, I’ll give you a 30 second head start before I discontinue our agreement.” I smirked as he scrunched up his muzzle, instead choosing to take a step aside and motion for me to lead on. “That’s what I thought.”

See, that wasn’t so hard, was it? To be honest, it wasn’t, but I’m more afraid of the fact that I can’t take back what I said. Just blurting it out like that just feels wrong, and I know that somehow, my lack of thought in the situation is going to swing around and catch me off guard one of these days. The murmur of a crowd of voices from around the corner up the street perked my ears as I instinctively lowered myself down to sneak up.

“Um… Boss?” Caltrop whispered behind me as we slowly made our way down the empty street. “What are we doing? Were you kicked out of here as well?” His words knocked a bit of sense into how silly the idea was. It had really been that long since I had been home that the place no longer felt like familiar territory to me. I shook off the feeling and walked around the corner to where my mother’s shop was set up.

The old Manor was wedged between the ruins of two stately apartment buildings, serving as both our home and the general trade store for the northern tip of the city. Mom had fought hard to secure the house for the sole purpose of being the first thing most outside travelers would stop at when they arrived in town. Unfortunately, being so memorable meant that when Grandma came back, everypony knew exactly where to find her.

“Back! Get Back!” Mother was shouting as she wielded a pair of brooms at the crowd that had gathered outside, guarding the front door like the most valuable wasteland treasure was hidden inside. The problem is, that was kind of true. “She just got back and I’m sure she’s very tired. So if you aren’t here to make a purchase, then go, get, skedaddle, shoo!” There was a collective groan from the crowd as they waved their hooves in frustration and left, dispersing in a matter of moments.

“Hey there, Mom.” I sighed out, happy to see at least one face that wasn’t out to bring me more pain. She spun to look at me, her grimace fading as she realized I wasn’t another wasteland pest.

“Honey, you’re home!” She gave me the kind of smile only a mother could give, her soft blue eyes showed me just how much she had missed me. I walked up to give her a hug, only to find my head assaulted by the brooms she held. “What is this your Grandmother has been telling me? Have you been working for slaver’s up north?!” Her magic took hold of my ear, squeezing and pulling it up to stear me up the stairs to where she sat. “I thought you were going to be better than that!”

I bat the brooms away with my hooves. “Damnit Mom, what do you care!” I frowned as she finally relented and let go of my ear, setting the brooms back neatly against the front porch wall. I pointed my hoof back to Caltrop, making him stop with a nervous grin. “If it makes you feel better, he ensured that I’ll never find work up there again.”

“Oh, look at that. My little flower, all grown up and finally taking an interest in stallions!” Wow, if they held records for the longest jumps in the world, I’m sure that conclusion would be up there in the top somewhere. “Give us a spin so I can get a look at you!”

With as much as I’ve used the gesture recently, maybe I should just wonderglue my hoof to my face, so I can permanently express just how little faith I have in anything in my life. And of course, Caltrop does as she asks, spinning and giving a blush as he waggled his eyebrows at her.

“Eh, you could do so much better.” She turned to me with a smile, ignoring the fact that Caltrop looked like that comment had completely baffled him. “So, I take it that what you said means this isn’t a social visit then.” I nodded shortly before there was a crash upstairs, followed by the sound of a scuffle. Mother and I walked through the door just in time for a stallion to fall over the second floor banister, swinging above us suspended by a rope that was tied around his rear leg. The chiseled face and striking chin that hung before me was one I always worked to actively avoid.

“Ash, I told you that if you tried anything with her, I wasn’t going to step in.” Mother huffed and trot over behind her counter.

“Well you see Ma’am, I wasn’t trying to start anything.” Goddesses I hated the way he spoke. All the other mares in town found his smooth voice charming. While me? I always got the impression it was as slick as oil, and just about as toxic. “I was just trying to tell her she looked as nice as ever.”

Storm stuck her head over the top railing, speaking through the rope holding him up. “Yuh, shpoke it to the wrong end of meh.”

He rolled his eyes, stopping as he locked them onto me and tried to turn up the charm. “Well hey there beautiful, hear you’ve been making waves up north.” I don’t know what he was trying to accomplish, but he must be desperate to try to seduce me while my grandmother was hanging him upside down. “We should run together when I head back up there. I could show you some of my… new techniques.”

I used my magic to levitate one of the Machete’s mother had on display over, startling Caltrop as he almost walked right into it. With one quick flick, I dropped the asshole onto his head with a thud.

“Look, Ashley, you’re a smart Stallion. This is what, you’re fiftieth pass at me?” I lowered the blade down to him, resting it flat against his neck. The reason I shot Caltrop in the leg last week in the street? It’s because I’ve met just a few too many assholes like Ashley. “Every time has been a no, so why keep asking?”

He smiled in his devilishly handsome way. “It’s because I can’t stand to see a pony as beautiful as…” I shifted the blade to that it lightly pressed against his neck, making him give a light gasp. If I didn’t know better about ponies like him, there wouldn’t have been anything to stop me from saying yes to him. I’m not going to lie, I am a mare, I have wants, and those wants are everything that he’s got.

“What is it you said earlier about flattery, Grandma?” I smirked as he hoofed his speckled grey mane from his face.

He hoofed the blade away slowly, getting to his hooves and backing toward the door. “I can see that you are busy today PC, just remember that for you? The offer is always open.” He hoofed his leather hat from the stand next to the door, looking Caltrop over to size him up as he walked out the door. He spun and put his hat on, tipping it as he gave the shop one last look. “As always, good evening ladies.”

An awkward silence filled the air in the moments that followed, nopony really doing anything other than just trying to forget what just occurred. Storm pulled her rope back up and went into Grandpa’s room, while Mother pulled out a sheet of paper in her magic, floating it over to me as Caltrop walked up to my side.

“So, Dis is a pretty nice place ya got here, Mrs. Cap.” He looked around with a forced sense of awe. Well, at least I HOPE it was forced. “There ain’t any houses dis sized back home.”

“Where might that be?” Mom added, smiling as she got ready to judge my choice in stallions even further. “And you can call me Lever Action. My daughter’s name is her own, I know how much she hates when others take it.” She shook her head and shot me a wink. Suddenly, I feel like I’m the only mature pony in my life these days. Trying to distract myself, I looked over the paper I had been given, delightfully discovering that it was a contract posted not three days ago. You know, maybe my luck is starting to swing back the other way for once.

Target’s Name: Auger, may used multiple aliases. Known aliases include: Nightshade, Pin Prick, Splint, Hard Cast

Description: Earth Pony Mare, Silver colored coat, Red Mane and Tail.

Physical Abilities: Large size with high strength and high agility. Extremely dangerous in hoof to hoof combat.

Cutie Mark: Large, silver helical drill.

Suspected location of shelter: Dodge strip.

Known associates: None.

Additional Notes: May be posing as a mercenary medic.

Reward: 300 caps dead. 750 alive.

I looked up from the note, seeing that my mother had lost interest in whatever Caltrop had been saying. To be honest, I didn’t really care where he came from, it’s bad enough he’s here now. You need to stop demeaning him if he’s going to be your friend. Ugh, dammit brain, quit making this hard.

“She's seen hunters come after her before, so you're going to have to come at her like some poor wasteland explorer looking to strike it big.” She squinted at me and licked her hoof, mushing it against my cheek to wipe whatever was on it away. I bat her hoof off of me.

“Well we got tha poor thing covered, Mrs. A!” Caltrop chimed in again with his ever astute recollection of the plainly obvious. “Ya don’t mind if I call ya that, do ya?”

“Caltrop, shut up. And goddesses mom, I wasn't fucking born yesterday. I know how to fucking hunt assholes.” I sighed and walked over to the ammunition rack, taking a few boxes of 9mm and .44 to reload my guns with. Unfortunately she didn’t have any 12.7 rounds in, so I’d have to hope I could get some at one of the other vendors in town. That is, if Mom can give me something to trade for them.

“Why don't you take Storm’s rifle just in case? She’s on vacation and won’t need it.” Yeah, Grandma would be on vacation if I took it. She never goes anywhere without that damn thing, and won’t give it up for the world. No, if I took it, she’d just get it back from me and shoot me again. On that subject, why does everypony think that I need a rifle? It’s heavy, and bulky, and my .44 can perform just as well as one. Mother though, was intent on having me take it, floating it in front of me as she adopted a sing-songy voice. “You never know when it might be useful!”

“I told you to quit trying to pawn that piece of shit off on me.” I grabbed hold of it in my magic, floating it to the counter and setting it down gently. Not only would she probably shoot me for taking it, I know she’d shoot me for damaging it.

“Well the longer it’s around here, the more Storm will want to take a job.” Mom sighed and tossed her mane from her eyes and adjusted her headband, pinning the normally cooperative blue hair down. “You know her, it's all just work work work.” Yeah, because unlike her, some of us have to actually leave home to make money. Even so, she did have a point.

“Yeah, crazy old coot needs to just retire before she 'saves the wasteland' again.” I rolled my eyes and gave a laugh. Baltimare was in her debt for what she did back then, but there is no way she’d be able to go through all that again at her age.

Caltrop let out a large gasp. “Wait, ya gramma is Storm? As in Storm Rider!?” Oh great. Here we go. “I'm workin with tha grand daughta of a legend!” He giggled like the prewar fillies did from the boring flicks in the old cinema.

“Don't let it go to your head, she's not THAT great.” I looked to Mom for backup, finding that she had disappeared on me without me noticing. I don’t know if it’s true, but I blame Caltrop for distracting me.

“Ya kiddin me? I used ta hear all sorts a stories 'bout her an her band when I was only a foal.” He was almost vibrating with excitement, and I don’t think any amount of smacking would remove the dumb grin he wore. “When I grew up, and that otha’s stopped belivein it was true, I was the only one that knew she had ta be out there.”

“Wait, when did you become a stallion?” I shook my head. “Cause I don’t think you’ve already forgotten what happened yesterday.” You know, if Mom is going to leave the shop floor unattended, I’m just going to borrow some stuff to barter with. So into my saddlebags went a few random items I thought might fetch a good price, and we were heading out the door.

“Speaking of!” Mother shouted from the kitchen, probably hearing us as we went to leave. “Now that you've found a nice stallion, why not retire and come work for me! Grandchildren would be nice to have you know!” Just the thought of Caltrop and I being friends was tough enough to swallow. So the thought of Him and I together?

I turned my head back as we walked to the porch, giving her my answer. ”Fuck you mom!”

“LOVE YOU DEAR! STAY SAFE!” I cringed as her voice carried over the morning air. As much as I love my mother, staying around her was a chore in and of itself. I’m just glad I have a job, and can get back to work.

“I dunno! I kinda like yah mother.” Caltrop smiled as he walked ahead of me, a bit of extra bounce in his step as if today has been nothing but sunshine and rainbows. When was the last time I felt that happy? My head was starting to ache from all of the annoyance.

“Just... shut up.” I groaned and tried to remember the way to the bazaar. “We’ll trade this stuff for some much needed supplies, and then we’re out of here. The contract’s not the freshest one, but I think that if we play our cards right, we’ll get the drop on her wherever she’s hiding out.”

“That’s a hell of a complex plan PC.” Ash’s voice came from the alleyway up ahead. “Forgive me if I sound ignorant, but it sounds like most of that plan relies on luck.” Why the fuck does he always have to do this. Sometimes, I wish I had the mindset where I wouldn't hate myself for shooting innocents.

“Well, let’s hear your plan, Ashley.” I shook my head and just kept walking.

“What kinda name is Ashley?” The way Caltrop asked it, it sounded like he was actually straining to think about it. “Ya parents on drugs or somethin?”

“Yes, as a matter of fact, they were. My name is Ash Cherry, but the drugs she's taken mess with how mom speaks, and wouldn't I know it, it stuck.” Score one for Caltrop, who seems to have upset Ashley with a guess! “She still has issues with the shakes the PTM’s gave her.” He did his best to catch up with us, shaking off the uncomfortable memories by getting aggressive. “And wouldn’t you like to know my plan. I already gave you a chance to go with me, and you blew it sister.”

“Ya related ta this asshole?” Caltrop really had a chance to go two for two with his questions. Well, better luck next time I guess. “Ya told Horus ya didn’t have a brother.” Wait, not only did he steal back my caps, he was eavesdropping as well? That sneaky little bastard.

“It’s just a phrase.” The voice of a younger mare called as she walked down the street in front of us. I looked up, watching as another one of my old rivals decided to make an appearance. “This guy giving you trouble again PC?” So smug and haughty in her armored vault suit and pipbuck, her high class looks the result of a privileged childhood of living in a stable.

“Nothing I can’t handle, Bluejay.” I tipped my hat down, pushing myself to move faster than a walk, but not wanting to give away my injuries. “You doing the Baltimare PD’s patrols now?”

“Nah, just stopped by the market to pick some things up. I wish I knew you were back in town, would have made time to catch up some.” You mean gloat over that sloppy merc work you call ‘helping ponies’. “I’m just about to head out to dodge for a job. Wish I could chat, but I gotta run.”

“Ya got the contract as well?” Caltrop’s voice made the hair on the back of my neck stand up, his big mouth just making the biggest mistake in the bounty hunting business. “Maybe we can all work as friends!” That naive son of a bitch.

“Nah, I’d rather not split my share!” Bluejay shouted, whipping around and taking off down the street at a gallop. I turned to see if some sort of divine gift had spared Ashley’s ears from the privileged information, only to find that he had up and disappeared without a trace.

This time, I definitely knew that this was all Caltrop’s fault.

Author's Notes:

Thanks to Kkat, Somber, Mimezinga, No_One, Stonershy, John Colt, Hetnu, Xjuan, Sawyer, Vocal, Tinker, and Bad Pun for their inspiration and support in the writing of this fic!

Shout out to Regolit, Deathpony, and Revel Romp for their feedback! You guys are the best!