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Diary of a Ruler

by Lamia

Chapter 19: Entry 254 - Twilight

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My emotional struggles continued to give me unrest for the past few weeks. I found myself unable to sleep. I have no physical need to do so, but a mental one, for calm and comfort within my mind, the occasional dream entertaining me. However, due to recent events, I felt that I was at an extraordinarily low point in my self-esteem. The only thing that brings me happiness, a true smile when I see myself in the mirror, is the thought of Twilight Sparkle. She had not come to visit me in some time, worrying me. I realize that I am foolish for thinking of all of this, and to occupy so many of my entries with talk of her... but I simply cannot think of a greater goal.

As such, as it was the only thing on my mind, I had to work hard to win her affections. I succeeded. I am currently filled with an inexplicable warmth and contentment as I write, my dear student sleeping soundly, cradled in my forelegs at this late hour. I must recount the events today in this diary so that, in the future, should I ever fall in love again, I will not make the same mistakes so readily.

It all started with the aforementioned emotional dilemma. I cast away my royal responsibilities with contempt once more, my desire to travel to Ponyville a far greater need. This time, however, I assumed a disguise. With some analysis of the magic of changelings, I was able to shapeshift into an average-sized pony form. I wore a blue cloak to hide my wings and cutie mark as I am not proficient with the spell just yet, and I also modified my mane and tail to display only my green locks. This would make it easier for the plans I had. Before leaving, I knew that it would be difficult to travel this way, so I went to see my sister.

As I walked through the palace, there were no second glances at me. Nopony noticed I was the princess, their ruler of Equestria. It was a bit... liberating. I had never done this before; it gave me an insurmountable feeling of relaxation, the burden of being princess being lifted off my shoulders.

When I came to Luna's room, I surprised her. She did not realize that I was her sister for just a moment, but as our eyes met, she knew. I was questioned about the odd practice, and I explained to her my intentions of passion. My dear sister gave me a reassuring smile and supported my actions of love, hugging me and obliging my request: to take me to Ponyville.

Flying me just to the outskirts of town just inside the Everfree Forest, Luna let me off and I gazed out at the houses from within the trees. My sister wished me luck before flying back to Canterlot, and I took my first steps of my new identity. As I came to the roads around town, several ponies greeted me, but it was not the same as before. They were simple, casual words to a passerby. I waved and returned their greetings happily, never having experienced it before.

I had found myself in front of the treehouse library, where Twilight stays. As much as I wanted to go inside and see her, I needed to do more than simply speak to her. I needed to speak to her closest friends, in order to find out more that I cannot see on the surface of my beloved. First, I had decided to visit the farmlands.

It was fortunate that Applejack was on a lunch break at the time, as I did not want to impose on her work. When she was alone, I walked up to her in front of the barn to greet her. She said her hello, realizing that she had not recognized me before. I introduced myself as an old acquaintance of Twilight Sparkle, and she let me know that any friend of Twilight's was a friend of hers. Applejack is certainly the welcoming type.

Subtly during conversation, I told her that I found out my student was in a relationship, and I wanted to congratulate her. However, the farm pony looked at me in surprise, asking me what I meant. She had not heard of Twilight being with somepony. I asked if she was sure, looking back at her curiously, but she seemed certain. For just a moment I stared downward, feeling the smallest of smiles on my face. However, I was surprised that Applejack was so perceptive from what she said next.

'Why do you ask? You seem kind of familiar, too,' she said, peering at me closely. I responded by telling her straightforwardly that I wanted to be with Twilight, that I loved her. Just after that, she had the look of extreme surprise on her face, not only due to what I said, but that she realized who I was from a careful look into my eyes.

I put a hoof to her mouth preemptively to silence her, as I knew what she was going to ask. I expressed my desire for her not to tell anypony that I was in Ponyville, and she nodded. Applejack is a very understanding pony. It warms my heart that Twilight had found such a great friend. I mentioned to her that I needed to find out more about Twilight so that I may be with her, so I said my goodbyes and went off to find her other friends. What Applejack had said did improve my spirits slightly, but I could not be so certain about it all. A busypony such as herself may not be as attuned to paying attention to such things. Perhaps it was only recently that Twilight found somepony, and had not really come out and told others. Either way, I will find out the truth.

Nearby was the small house of Fluttershy, the most gentle pony I have ever met. As I cantered over, I seemed to gather attention from the animals, the little ones milling around me and showing their respect. It seemed that a simple disguise would not work on them, which amused me.

Soon, Fluttershy noticed my presence due to all of the animals, and she flew over to say hello. Noting she had not seen me before, she seemed surprised that they would take to liking me so quickly. I smiled at her and said I was probably just a nice pony.

As with Applejack, I explained that I was an old friend of Twilight Sparkle, and that I heard she had a special somepony that I wanted to see for myself. She coyly replied that she had not heard of such a thing. I became mildly anxious once again due to the possibility, asking for verification, which she did. I needed to ask more of Twilight's friends about this before I jumped to conclusions. Saying my goodbyes to the shy pony, I walked back towards town to my next destination.

I soon came to the fashion boutique owned by Rarity, the element of generosity within Twilight's circle of friends. Stepping through the open door, I shut it behind me and the bell above the door rang. I looked around the lower level; Rarity was facing away at some shelves, busy grabbing many materials, and told me to wait a moment.

As she turned around to greet me, her face seemed to go into shock as she dropped everything she was carrying with her magic. She bowed and welcomed me with respect, having recognized who I was. I looked around the boutique, worried that somepony would see, but there was nopony else in here. Quickly, I said that I was in disguise for a reason, and she apologized for her supposed insolence, which I dismissed.

Just like the other two, I explained everything I could to Rarity. Like the others, she had not heard of Twilight being with anypony, and that she would be one of the first to find out if it were true. She sympathized with me, having a little attraction to Twilight as well, but knew that my student had a sole, great love for me. Something that I did not know before... She talked about me often, defending and praising me and my actions, almost to the point of worship, as Rarity says. I felt embarrassed, to say the least. I had not realized that Twilight loved me that much. I only assumed she considered me just a teacher, a guardian figure.

Rarity noted that she had never seen me look so happy before. I suppose that I have not had anything to be truly happy about, unlike now. 'Twilight gives me happiness,' I said to her. She gave me her support and quickly pushed me out of her boutique so as to not waste any time, to go and pursue my love. I smiled and thanked her, and asked how she recognized me so quickly. It was purely the style and perfection of my mane and coat, along with my eyes and how I walked and stood. I chuckle to myself in that I underestimate Twilight's friends at times.

Lastly, I needed to speak to Rainbow Dash. I would have gone to talk to Pinkie Pie, but she would have caused such a commotion, attention that I would rather not have. Before going too far, I went back into the boutique to ask for a kind of head covering that would help mask my smaller horn for flying to Rainbow Dash's house, and I was given a large, studded silver circlet free of charge. Exiting once again, I flared my wings from beneath my cloak and took flight.

Soon enough, I reached the cloud house, but she did not answer the knocks on the door. I thought that perhaps she was not home, but looking up in the sky, I saw that she was exercising, flying through the air at high speed. That pony was always keeping in prime fitness.

I asked Rainbow if I could talk to her for a moment from just below her, matching her speed while flying upside-down. I seemed to surprise her, but she pretended to not hear me and flew faster, not wanting to break her concentration. I caught up to her again, talking louder, and she sped up again. Playfully, I continued to match her speed until we both achieved a sonic rainboom, shooting upward and over in the sky. As we flew through the air, she stared at me in disbelief, almost breaking flight, but kept her flying steady before we went to land on her doorstep.

I jokingly asked her if she was available to talk, and she could not believe somepony else could do the rainboom as well. I mentioned that I have been able to for a long time, but dismissed it as it was not important at the moment. I asked her, like the others, about Twilight after introducing myself. I had also inquired about what she thought my student felt about me. Rainbow Dash nonchalantly noted that her friend was essentially in love with the princess, with how often she talked of her. Just as the rest, she, too, said that Twilight was not attracted to anypony, unless books counted; although, she did mention that my student had been cooped up at her house as of late, not being too interested in going out. I smiled happily, confusing the rainbow pony, but she did not ask about it.

After all of the conversations I had with her friends, it had to be true that she did not have a special somepony to call her own. Though, why would she say so, that day? I needed to take some time to think. Saying that it was nice to meet her, I prepared to leave, wanting to find a place to meditate and think of what I was going to say to Twilight. As I took off from the cloud, I was certain that my cloak blew up enough for her to see my cutie mark; I heard her gasp as I left, smiling to myself.

I travelled to the Everfree Forest to clear my mind as I usually do, recounting all that I had learned. At the picnic... Twilight claimed to be taken by another, dropping my spirits. Why would she have done that? I must have overwhelmed her with the confession of love, but... Could she not actually be attracted to me in the same way I do to her? Perhaps she truly does only consider me a parental figure. Would it be enough for me, if it were true?

The sunset had begun before I realized it. I can always rely on my sister to take over my duties when I am absent. I need to repay her for my selfish actions someday. Suddenly, I could hear a rustling in the grass. Turning around, I saw a purple pony with a downtrodden expression on her face. It was Twilight Sparkle. There were tears in her eyes. Before I had a chance to speak, she suddenly began galloping closer, and leapt through the air. She collided with me, knocking me onto my back, and stared down at me as she stood over me.

Her tears had fallen onto my cheeks. I gazed up in surprise as she apologized profusely, explaining that she panicked when I confessed to her. She said she loved me, too... My heart was filled with something that I had not felt since I was small. She fell onto me, seemingly exhausted from running this way. Holding her close, I realized quickly that I was still in my disguise.

I asked Twilight how she knew it was me, how she found me here. It was the magic of love that drew her this way. This is the power that I had not felt... She went on to explain that her friends told her that I visited with them, and talked about her. My student thought that I hated her for rejecting me. However, I let her know that her actions that day only made me desire her even more. She continued to outpour her feelings for me, praising me face-to-face. I am kindhearted, I defend those I care for, I work for the betterment of ponies everywhere, and more. I do not really believe a lot of what she said even now, but... I will take her word for it.

Eventually, I interrupted her with a kiss, which surprised her once again, but she calmed down and relaxed as I hugged her. I am not sure how long we stayed there, but Twilight fell asleep as we talked with each other. I know how she is... She likely obsessed over what happened during our picnic ever since, too embarrassed to see or speak to me, or even send me letters. It is a relief that she is finally able to rest... and so can I. For once, I can sleep, and with happiness in my heart.

I have written quite a lot in this entry, the most of any other. I recall one written a little while ago... I noted that the entries related to my student were excessively detailed, and this is no exception.

I look down at her laying in my arms as I finish this entry, never having seen her sleeping face. She is so tranquil, so at peace, that I can feel myself becoming weary as well. Sweet dreams, Twilight Sparkle.

Next Chapter: Entry 263 - Fate Estimated time remaining: 52 Minutes
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