Hello, fellow riff enthusiasts! My name is CartsBeforeHorses and today, I will be riffing F.A.T.E by Kyuubi Gear. Unlike most of the stories that are riffed, this one is from PonyFictionArchive rather than FimFiction. It has over 10,000 views on the site, which makes it one of the most popular stories on PonyFictionArchive. It also has nothing but about 20 five-star ratings. It’s also one of the most confused, muddled, grammatically incoherent piles that I’ve ever read.

If you want to torture yourself and read the unriffed version, you can find it here.

So… sit back and enjoy the riff!

CartsBeforeHorses: Ah, just another beautiful day on the internet.

Pinkie Pie (from computer screen): Hellooooo, Carts!

Carts: Wait, Pinkie Pie? I thought that you were a fictional character!

Pinkie (from screen): Nope, silly, I’m as real as you are! But I need a super-duper favor from you. Though, this requires you to become a pony.

Carts: Oooh, I’ve always wanted to be a pony. Can I be a unicorn?

Pinkie (from screen): Um... sure. But you have to agree to do what I ask of you!

Carts: It’s a deal!

*zap from the screen as Carts is transported into Ponyville*

Carts: Woah, I’m in Ponyville!

*Carts discovers he is a chocolate-coated unicorn stallion with a blond mane and green eyes, but no cutie mark just yet.*

Carts: This kicks SO much flank! I wonder if I can do magic. Hmm...

*Carts horn sparkles, but then fizzles*

Carts: I guess it requires practice. Maybe Twilight Sparkle can give me some advice.

*Carts walks to the library and knocks on the door*

Twilight Sparkle: Hmm, who could that be?

Carts: Hey, Twilight! How’s it goin’?

Twilight: Um...

Carts: Oh, where are my manners. I’m CartsBeforeHorses, a human who Pinkie turned into a unicorn in exchange for a favor. But I have no idea what that favor is, though.

Twilight: Wait... PINKIE turned you into a unicorn?

Carts: Yeah, what’s wrong with that?

Twilight: Great... it’s probably another one of her science experiments.

Carts: She’s a scientist?

Twilight: Yeah, she experiments on what happens when one is exposed to a significant amount of bad fan-fiction.

Carts: Oh?

*Rarity walks by Twilight’s library.*

Rarity: Oh, hello Twilight. Who’s your guest?

Twilight: He’s CartsBeforeHorses, a human. Or, rather, a human who Pinkie turned into a unicorn pony.

Carts: Yeah, cool huh?

Rarity: Oh dear. PINKIE? Twilight, we have to explain this to Carts!

*Twilight and Rarity rush Carts into the library.*

Twilight: Usually she only does it to humans, but I guess she’s moved on to humans-turned-ponies.

Carts: Does what? Makes people read bad fanfictions? Wait... is this one of those MST things I’ve been hearing about?

Rainbow Dash (from TV): Hello, Twilight! Hello, Rarity!

Pinkie Pie (from TV): Hello, Carts! And yes, this IS an MST! I’ve been doing this to humans for years, but one day I wondered... what would happen if I subjected a PONY to such madness? Not just a pony, but a human trapped in a pony’s body who was still trying to adjust to being a pony?

Carts: Why would you need to know something that specific?

Rainbow (from TV): SCIENCE!

Twilight: This isn’t real science, Pinkie. Science is when you--

Rainbow (from TV): Can it, Sparkle!

Pinkie (from TV): So, today’s story is called F.A.T.E. It’s a wonderful tale about the mane six being transported to earth and living as humans.

Carts: So the opposite of what’s happened to me?

Pinkie (from TV): Yeppers! It’s also one of the most popular stories over on PonyFictionArchive.

Twilight: So, a big fish in a small pond? Interesting.

Rarity: Yes, saying that a fanfiction is really popular over on PFA is like saying that a band is really popular in Canada. It just isn’t that impressive.

Rainbow (from TV): This one’s a real stinker. It has a confusing plot, a Mary Sue of a protagonist, almost no capitalization, and horrible spelling and grammar.

Rarity: Not Mary Sues!

Carts: Not confusing plots!

Twilight: Not horrible spelling and grammar!

Pinkie (from TV): Yes, indeed!

Rainbow (from TV): It’s also very, very long.

Carts, Rarity, and Twilight: NOOOOOOO!

Pinkie (from TV): Better get started!

*buzzer*

ALL: WE’VE GOT STORY SIGN!

Chapter 1: the main 6  bronies  

Carts: I thought that the mane six were ponies…

Rarity: Just wait.

GOVERNMENT HQ-MAY 12- 1 WEEK AGO                

It was 10:56 am

Twilight: How oddly precise.

in the morning and offices were full with people working and chatting with each other, others were being lazy,

Rarity: Your tax dollars at work.

and others were pulling pranks on there friends to kill time.

Carts: Yeah, remember when Bob put LSD in the water cooler? That was hilarious!

but in the war room up on the 50th floor a conversation was taking place.

"chief if I may ask as to why we have to keep protecting the poor people of new port city?"

Twilight: “chief if I may ask as to what the shift key on the keyboard does?”

there chief known to all of new port city as chief commander lucy, was wearing a black long sleeve shirt, baggy pants, and a silver necklace with a ruby in the center.

Rarity: She also wore a backwards baseball cap and gold teeth in her mouth.

Carts: Keepin’ it real up in here.

She sighs as she hears this "look I been over this with the three of you time and again! She shouts causing the three men to jump in fear, "I have to protect the poor souls of new port city for my fucking reputation!, If this wasn't about my reputation then I would leave them to fucking die and rot for all I fucking care!, DO I MAKE MYSELF CLEAR!

Rarity: She then popped a cap in each of their asses.

They then looked at each other and nodded at her as she then got up from her seat and walked out of the room, as she was gone the three men looked at each other and smiled evilly. One man then turned into a black alicorn with a white horn and red zebra strips on his body,

Twilight: Well if they’re red, they’re not really zebra stripes, are they? Oh, excuse me, zebra “strips.”

Carts: Oooh, Zecora’s being naughty!

he then laid his front hooves on the table as he then began to speak.

"well our master was right, she is the one that our master is very interested in"

Twilight: So the master was right about his being interested in her?

Carts: Look, don’t try to make sense of this.

Twilight: Sorry.

the other man then spoke up "well vanish let's hope that lord discord and Lucy will be a wonderful and chaotic couple", they all then chuckled in unison in the dark lit room.

New port city-may 17

"Clayton...Clayton wake up your gonna be late" his mother said on the other side of his door, she then heard him fall out of his bed and groan. "uhhh....hey mom what time is it?" he asked as he then got up and walked to the bathroom in his room

Rarity: He has a bathroom in his room?

to brush his teeth and wash his face and proceeded to open his door and walk out the room shirtless and in his sweat pants with a number 5 on the side.

Carts: What, is he a race car driver?

His mother only chuckled and smiled as she gave him an answer "it's nine in the morning and you have no school anymore because you told us that you were not ready for it this year,

Carts: Wow, what a loser.

Twilight: I guess he lives in one of the states where you can drop out of school at age thirteen.

Carts: You mean Mississippi?

plus you have plans to do with your friends today". He then walked back into his room and closed his door gently and started getting dressed " anything else I should know about today mom?" he said as he put on his army pants and blue sleeveless shirt, his polo laceless shoes, his worn out old brooklyn express jacket that he got 3 years ago from his mother and he put on his black fingerless gloves and his black kamina sunglasses that he got last week.

Rarity: Dear Celestia, he has the least fashion sense of anypony I’ve ever seen!

Twilight: Looks like the author is whoring for some character fanart!

Carts: That or he’s being really descriptive for no reason.

As he walked out he then looked over to his bed side and saw his devil may cry 3 Yamato katana that his father had gotten him as a gift last month, and grabbed it and put it over his shoulder as he walked out of his room.

Twilight: Can’t go anywhere without that sword!

He walked over and hugged his mother and stepped back a bit as his mother then snapped her fingers "oh by the way Clayton you did kinda miss your show today", Clayton just blinked as he had no idea what his mother was talking about until it hit him.

Rarity: “Ouch!”

"oh shit!" he thought as he then ran downstairs and saw his father watching my little pony as he was laying on the sofa, "dad!, Did I miss it!?" he asked.

His father looked at him and sighed with a smile "sorry bud but yea ya did, it was the one with your girlfriend doing a sonic rainboom"

Carts: “Oh, no! I missed a show that I can watch on the internet anytime I want!”

Rarity: And without commercials, no less.

he said which made him blush and run his right hand threw his black curly hair.

Twilight: Wait, which “he” are we talking about? Pronoun confusion, much?

Carts: Get used to it.

"dad come on don't tease me like that, just because I have a huge crush on rainbow dash, hell you and mom keep wishing that she was real so she could be a member of this family". His father only smiled hearing his son say that as he then saw his wife walk downstairs and pass Clayton into the living room with him,

Rarity: Could you be a dear and pass the Clayton?

his mother then spoke "yes and we will keep doing that because you are like a male version of her, and I think that the two of you two dating would be very sweet" she finished with a chuckle.

Carts: Said no parent, ever.

Clayton looked away from his parents hiding his blush "living with a family full of broines....best family ever"

Twilight: Wish fulfillment self-insert… best fanfic ever!

he thought to himself until his iPhone went off in the kitchen he then walked over to it and grabbed it and looked at the two new messages on his phone, one was from his friend corey and  the other was from his older sister...lucy.

He looked up at his parents who were watching another episode of my little pony when he cleared his throat making his father pause the show and turn to him, his father looked at him with concern "what's the matter bud?"

Twilight: “There’s no paragraph breaks for new dialogue, Dad!”

Carts: Other than the ones inserted by our riffing.

Clayton stared at him "I got a text from lucifer".

Carts: Wait, her full name is Lucifer!?

Both of his parents knew who this was and looked at each other then at Clayton "so" his father said "what does lucy want with you all of a sudden " he put his phone in his pocket,

Rarity: “Keep that phone safe for me, okay dad?”

"I don't know dad and to be honest I really don't care about lucifer or should I say my ex-brony of a sister" he said shuddering at the word sister coming from his lips.

Carts: Yep, after she quit watching cartoon horses we excommunicated her!

Twilight: Even though she’s apparently protecting us and our entire city.

He then looked at the clock and saw that it was 9:46 am, as he then started to scamper out of the kitchen and to the front door "crap i gotta go,

Rarity: Too much information.

I will see you guys latter love you mom, love you dad bye" he said as he ran out the door and to his third and sadly prized possession a custom made chopper that his sister got him for his 18th birthday last month.

Twilight: A sadly prized possession?

Rarity: “Sniff… I just can’t… sniff… bear how FABULOUS it is!”

Carts: So wait, he’s 18? I just assumed he was younger.

Twilight: Gee, I wonder why?

Carts: Also, if his sister got him a custom motorcycle, why does he still not like her?

Rarity: Some ponies are just impossible to please.

He got on it and pulled out his key attached to a black and red rabbits foot, and put It into the ignition and started it up and drove off. "ok let's go to the park,

Twilight: He and the mouse in his pocket.

that is were Corey told me that we would all be hanging out as our personal spot from now on" he thought as he drove to the park with a cocky grin on his face.

THE PARK

At the park Corey, his brother max, clayton's cousin dillon, sam and jack were all sitting on a large blanket talking amongst themselves about there favorite pony.

Twilight: They all had the same favorite pony.

Since they they were young they all lived very close in the same area and have been friends for live, they were even bronies as well and they all decided to make a team which they called "the brony family".

Rarity: I love you, you love me, we’re a brony family.

Each member had there favorite pony that they loved dearly max had twilight sparkle, Corey had rarity, sam had applejack, jack had pinky pie, dillon had fluttershy, and Clayton had rainbow dash.

Carts (to reader): I hope you’re all taking notes, there will be a quiz on this later.

"so guys can someone please riddle me something" max said

Rarity: “What’s black and white and red all over?”

Carts: That zebra alicorn from earlier.

Dillon answered "what is it man?"

"were the hell is your cousin!"

"dude Corey texted him already don't worry about it he'll be here"

Max only rolled his eyes and looked at his full metal alchemist pocket watch and saw that it was

Rarity: anime o’ clock.

12:11 pm, he sighed and put his watch back into his pocket and looked up at the sky as he then felt a hand on his shoulder and looked over and saw that it was jack's hand.

Carts: “JACK! Your hand’s been cut off!”

"hey I'm sure that he and his family are just enjoying some time with him at the moment but I know he'll be here man just be cool".

"I can't jack you

Twilight: My barn door doesn’t swing that way, if you know what I mean.

forget today is saturday and plus summer has started too". "so that means a lot of people are gonna want to be in the park and hang out and shit".

Rarity: Ew, right in the middle of the park?

Carts: I always take shits when I hang out with my friends. Shitting alone is so boring.

Jack turned over to sam and stuck his tongue out at him

Carts: What, is he five?

as Corey intervened "oh come on you guys cut it out he will be here, just wait a litt-, Corey was cut off when a football hit him in the chest causing him to fall over.

Carts: He fell from being hit by a football? What, was it thrown by Joe Montana?

Twilight: Or Hannah Montana.

"aww damn did I hit the little pussy too bad" the boys then looked over to see a overweight boy with grey hair and glasses

Rarity: Grey hair? Not grey hair! Such an awful, awful color!

wearing a gold and blue shirt and green shorts walking over to them.  dillon face palmed himself as he knew that voice, "leave us alone richard were not here to mess with you" dillon said to him in a medium tone.

Carts: Yes, I’ll have a Big Mac with a medium tone, please.

Richard only growled at his remark and walked over to him and grabbed him by his shirt "and why should I not mess with you little fucks huh!, Since summer is now here that means I get to have all the fun I want in fucking with you pussy fags!". Dillon only looked into his green eyes and spitted into his face causing Richard to drop him and giving dillon time to hide from the unnatural fuckery,

Carts: GOD HATES UNNATURAL FUCKERY!

Rarity: At least Dillon has the narrator on his side.

"ah you little shit!, I'm gonna break all your fucking bones when I find you!". Before he could run he felt a tap on his shoulder as he turned around to see who tapped him, a hard punch was thrown to his face making him fall face first into a tree.

Twilight: But how—

Carts: I know.

Twilight: But if Richard was facing the fist—

Carts: I know.

As he looked up at his attacker he immediately saw who had hit him "not you" said as he got back to his feet. The boys all smiled when they saw clayton grinning at Richard still balling up his fist, "yea that's right fat ass it's me!, Now what were you gonna go and do to my cousin fat ass?"

Rarity: Your cousin’s name is fat ass?

he asked as his left hand started to go for his sword on his back.

Twilight: That escalated quickly.

Richard then saw him reach for his sword as he went to grab his football and walk past Clayton, but as he walked past him he put his hand on his shoulder and whispered into his ear "you think your so strong with that sword huh bitch".

Carts: So after everything else he has said aloud to everyone, THAT is what he says privately to Clayton?

Clayton only smiled darkly as he whispered back to him, "carful they could stab you in the back" just as he finished his sentence he quickly backed away from Richard and drew his Yamato katana over his head and cut his left eye and glasses in two.

Rarity: Blinding someone? That’s a bit harsh, don’t you think?

Carts: Especially considering that all this Richard character did was throw a football at them and call them a few names. He didn’t even hit any of—

Twilight: Shut up! Mary Sue wish fulfillment!

Richard screamed in pain as he put his hand over his left eye and saw on the ground that his glasses were cut in two. "come on guys let's go before he recovers"

Carts: “Come on guys, let’s go before he files assault charges!”

clayton said as he walked away from Richard, they all smiled at what Clayton did, dillon had the biggest smile out of all of them. He always wanted to do that to Richard for all the bullying that he suffered from him at school. He ran over to the group and walked beside his older cousin with joy but they all heard Richard yell at clayton, " THIS ISN'T OVER YOU BASTERED!,

Twilight: You’ve really bastered up this time!

I SWEAR I WILL GET YOU BACK AND WHEN I DO YOUR DEAD!"

Twilight: No, it can be your dead if you want.

hearing that from Richard caused dillon to shiver a bit in fear but as he looked up at clayton he saw him flip him off as they walked out of the park.

Carts: “Hey guys, he flipped us off! Let’s go put out his other eye!”

Max then turned to clayton as his smile then faded into an uneasy look on his face "dude you know that he is really gonna get you back for breaking his glasses and cutting his left eye man", Clayton only huffed "so what, he had no right to mess with you guys at all". "besides were family

Twilight: Were family, not anymore.

Carts: “twilight if you stop to make fun of” . “every grammar error were going to be here all night”

Twilight: Sorry.

and we must always protect this family no matter what or die trying". Max just looked at him as he then turned his head "I swear you and those crappy words of motivation", Clayton just rolled his eyes as jack tapped his shoulder.

"hey Clayton?"

"yea?"

"what took you so long to get to the park you always get there before us?"

"I was busy"

Carts: “Sleeping.”

Sam then turned to him "with what admiring rainbow dash with your family of bronies?" he snickered a bit

Rarity: Sam must be psychic.

Clayton blushed madly as he glared back at sam "w-what no!, if you MUST know I was at the star fire rave club and I asked the owner of the club if we could go and hang out there tonight, and he said that he'll be happy to let us hang out there for free when ever we want",

Carts: “Sure, I’d love to have a high-school dropout and his five underage brony friends hang out at my club for free!”

Rarity: “Come on in, feel free to not buy any drinks, either!”

everyone in the group had there mouths drop the star fire club was one of the most popular and very very expensive rave clubs to get into unless you had a VIP pass of course. The only problem with getting one is that they costed $78 bucks to even get one,

Rarity: Or, you know, you could just talk to the owner of the club and get one for free, apparently.

all the boys then hugged Clayton as tight as they all could.

Dillon shouted "thank you! Thank you! Thank you!"

Clayton tried to speak but he couldn't because of the lack of oxygen from the hug, when jack let go of him they all did the same. Max simply rubbed his head "heh heh sorry clayton".

Carts: “Oh my god, Clayton, are you alright? Call an ambulance, he’s not breathing!”

Twilight: I wish.

Clayton finally got some air and looked at him "it's ok I would do the same thing, but for now let's go have some fun shall we boys" The boys all nodded before heading to the club.

STAR FIRE CLUB 4:58 pm

The club was blasting with music and lights and people mostly teens were dancing and grinding on each other,

Twilight: They were killing each other over and over again for more experience points?

Carts: No.

Rarity: You really need to get out more, Twilight.

Clayton watched his fellow friends dance there heads off while he was leaning back on the wall smiling at them. Max was dancing away from the group a bit not with his mind too much into the music and accidentally bumped into someone making them fall.

Rarity: He then bumped into another person, making them winter.

Max then looked down at the person he knocked down was a girl and gasped "oh my god I'm so sorry for knocking you over, are you ok?, he kneeled down and held out his hand to her. She looked up into his eyes with her purple eyes

Carts: Purple eyes? Seriously? That’s like the human equivalent of an alicorn OC.

and max then felt like she was looking into his mind, she reached for his hand and gently took hold of it and he pull her up gently back to her feet.

"sorry I was too much into the music"

Rarity: “When my ears are running, my eyes don’t work.”

max said sheepishly as he blush a bit in embarrassment, the girl only giggled at his apology and smiled at him "it's ok I'm not hurt or anything but thank you for helping me up..ummm". He held out his hand in front of her "max" he said with a smile "my name is max, and who might you be?" the girl then put her hand threw her purple long hair

Twilight: How do you throw your hair?

Rarity: As one would throw a football, of course.

as she then dusted off her purple short sleeve shirt and purple shorts as she grabbed for his hand, my name is iris it's a pleasure to meet you max".

Max blushed as he smiled "the pleasure is all mine iris" he said as he kissed her hand making her blush red as a rose.

Carts: Gettin’ chivalrous up in here.

"um well if it's ok with you iris I would like to know if you would like to stay at my house for the night, I mean if that is ok with you I mean?"

Carts: “Hey Iris, is it okay if I fuck you?”

Rarity: “Sure, why not! It’s not like I just met you or anything!”

Iris blushed more at his offer and smiled "yes I would like that very much max", as soon as max could speak he looked over at his friends who were cheering him on, and started lip sing "kiss the girl"

Carts (singing): Sha-la-la-la-la, this story blows.

making Clayton chuckle a bit as he still watched from the wall. As the party ended for the night all the boys walked to max's suv and got in except for Clayton and dillon who got on his cousin's chopper

Carts: GET TO THE CHOPPA!

and waved to the guys before heading out, as they saw the two leave max then got inside his car and drove his friend's home to there houses.

Rarity: His friend’s home must’ve been an RV.

As he dropped off jack and sam only Him,

Twilight: Why did the author capitalize “Him?” Has Clayton turned into God, now?

Carts: Mary Sue, but close enough.

Corey, and iris were left in the car as they drove into the driveway of there house.

Corey got out first and walked to the front door to be meet by there father who taped his foot when he saw the boys.

Rarity: Scotch or duct tape?

"you two got home late I see" there father said with a calm voice, Corey then patted his father on the chest "yea old man we did sorry if we made you worry about us, Clayton got us into the star fire club for free". There father then raised an eyebrow at him "and how in gods name did he pull that off?"

Carts: Yeah, seriously, we’ve all been wondering the same thing.

Twilight: “How’d you pull that off, son?” “Wish fulfillment, Dad!”

max walked into the house with iris behind him. There father saw the two and snickered "and I take he helped you with this as well huh maxwell?", max groaned when he heard his father call him by his full name.

Twilight: Lord Maxwell Elijah Dennison the Fifth, Esquire.

"ugh no old man, this was all me" he then turned to iris "hey old man, is it ok if iris can spend the night over here with us please?", there father rubbed his grey beard in thought never once had max or Corey been with a girl in well ever and seeing this now in front of his eyes was a very wonderful thing to him.

Carts: He broke down in tears, creeping everybody out.

He sighed happily and nodded "well why not after all it's only a sleep over, it's not like you two are gonna do anything else"

Rarity: I’ll say, especially not after she’s seen that grey beard. Total turnoff.

he finished his sentence with a wink making the two blush. Corey then face-palmed and looked at his father "come on old man max is only 19 and still a virgin, sex is one thing that he would not be good at".

Carts: Um, no, I can think of several other things he wouldn’t be good at, either.

Max just stood there twitching madly as iris broke the awkward moment, "w-well that is what we will not be doing I promise you".

Corey and there father nodded in agreement max was not like other men out only looking for just sex all the time, he was extremely smart and he always loved to read on his spare time.

Twilight: Is he implying that people who read never get any action?

Carts: Apparently. So, I guess I’ll see you two later, then. Bye—

Rarity: You’re not getting out of MST duty that easy, Carts!

Carts: Aw.

But he wanted to find a girl that would have the same tastes as him and that is why he turned to my little pony and fell in love with twilight sparkle, because that was the kind of woman or pony that he wanted in his life.

Twilight: OH GOD NO

As there father then looks at the clock and turns to then he snaps his fingers signaling then that they all should get some rest. Corey, max, and iris all head upstairs and go into there room and close the door.

Carts: Corey and Max share a room? Now he’s DEFINITELY not getting any.

As soon as they hear there father sleeping in his room

Rarity: He snores like a freight train, so it’s easy to tell.

Iris sits on max's bed and looks at his collection of twilight sparkle ponies making her smile and looks over to his brother Corey's posters of rarity. "wow rarity would love him to death if she saw this" iris thought

Rarity: No, actually, I’d just find it creepy.

as she looked at max who was sitting on the floor next to the bed, she then pokes max's arm making him turn his attention to her.

He looked up at her into her purple eyes that seemed to draw him into a trace "yes iris what's up?" he asked her.

Rarity (trancelike): Yes master… what’s up…

She then looked at him with a worried look on her face, "umm max would you umm...believe me if I told you that I'm not what you think that I am?".

Carts: “No.”

He blinked at what she said and scratched his brown spiky hair "what do you mean iris?" he was still puzzled by her words, she then sadly sighed and got off the bed and sat in front of him.

"allow me to show you what I mean" she then started to glow a purple aurora around her body and started to change, her hands started to turn into hoofs, her body then shifted and formed into a purple pony like body,

Twilight: Pony-like body? So, not actually a pony body?

her legs then formed into back hoofs as her tail which was as the same color as her hair came out, and her face formed into a muzzle and a purple horn was showing on the top of her head.

Rarity: Twilight, your horn is showing.

Max's mouth dropped at what he saw before his very own eyes, the pony that he had loved was in his house in front of his own eyes.

Carts: In front of his eyes  before his eyes, he saw. Did I mention he was looking at this?

The purple pony then began to speak to him "my real name is twilight sparkle and I am a pony from ponyville" she said with a smile, max didn't know what to do after herring twilight speak to him

Twilight: Herring Twilight? So, I’m a fish now?

Carts: Fishy, fishy.

expect faint right in front of her.

Twilight then jumped at his action "max!" she shouted but he was knocked out, "oh dear looks like I will have to do some explaining to him when he comes to".

Carts: Looks like the author will have a lot of explaining to do about this story.

Twilight: Time for a break?

Carts: Yeah, these are long chapters, let’s take a break.

*****

Rarity:  Oh, wow, this story is LOOOOOOOOONG.

Carts: We still have 44 chapters to go.

Twilight: Dear sweet Celestia.

Carts: So, I wonder when we’re going to see Lucy, or rather, Lucifer again.

Twilight: Isn’t that a male name? Who names their girl Lucifer? For that matter, who names ANY kid Lucifer?

Carts: Someone who wants their kid to be evil.

Rarity: Well, she can’t be that bad, I mean after all… she’s protecting the poor people of  New Port City!

Twilight: Yeah, but only for her reputation. The author makes it ABUNDANTLY clear that she doesn’t care for them.

Carts: And she’s not even doing that good of a job “protecting” them. I mean, a swordfight broke out in the middle of the park, involving her own brother, no less, and she didn’t lift a finger!

Rarity: Point taken.

Twilight: So I guess I’m in the story now. But I recognize the posters of Rarity in Max’s room. So then, am I aware that my life is a TV show?

Carts: No.

Twilight: But—

Carts: No. As made clear in the following chapter, none of the ponies know that yet.

Twilight: Wow.

*buzzer*

Rarity: Speaking of, we’ve got story sign!

All: STORY SIGN!

Chapter 2: introductions and a new home      

Carts: This one is over 6,000 words long, so strap in for the ride!

Rarity and Twilight: AWW!

"uhhh....what happened?. I thought for a moment that I saw twilight sparkle in my house and she was talking to me" max says as he starts to come to from passing out.

"sorry bro but no it was not a dream"

Carts: Sorry guys, but this story is not a dream.

He then looks over to his Corey and his eyes almost fall out of there sockets as he sees his brother stroke rarity's mane gently with his hand, he then looks over to his right to see a bunch of cartoon ponies in there room.

Carts (singing): Boom, boom, boom, boom, I want you in my room!

Twilight then trots over to him a bit making max back away a little bit in fear.

She sees this as she then looks down at the floor "max...I know that this maybe hard to believe. But please try to understand that we-", she was cut off when she felt him grab her in his arms and hug her lovingly.

Twilight: As opposed to hugging her hatefully.

"hard to believe! Twilight this is the best thing to ever happen to me!"

Carts: Uh, I think that “hard to believe” can coincide with “good,” Corey.

Rarity: No, he’s got voices in his head normally, this is totally not hard for him to believe!

he said to her shedding small tears on her purple main, twilight was shocked by this a bit. She never thought that he would react like this let alone hug her the way he did, in her mind she was happy and she was happy that he was happy.

Carts: And he was happy that she was happy that he was happy.

She then rested her head on his shoulder and sighed happily "oh max I'm so happy that your not afraid or anything"

Twilight: Why would you have even thought he’d be afraid of ponies? He has posters of ponies up in his room, for Celestia’s sake!

she said as she broke the hug.

Rarity: You break it, you buy it.

He looked at her she looked just as she did in the show but a little bigger that he thought, as he stood up he saw that she reached his half his legs.

Max then turned to his brother and titled his head at him, "wait Corey how come your ok with this?. I mean I thought you would be freaking out and stuff?" his big brother only smiled at him as he stopped stroking rarity's mane. As he stopped rarity noticed this and pouted at him "aww darling. Why did you stop that felt so relaxing on my mane"

Rarity: Oh, Celestia, no.

said fluttering her eyelashes at him hoping that he would stroke her mane again.

Twilight: She said this by fluttering her eyelashes at him?

Carts: She was fluttering them in Morse code.

Corey knew what she was doing and only waged his finger at her "ah ah ah rarity. I know what your trying to pull but that will not work with me my dear hehe",

Carts: No, Rarity, what WERE you trying to pull?

Rarity: You don’t want to know.

rarity stopped fluttering her eyelashes at him and raised her head up in a snobbish way.

Twilight: How do you raise your head in a snobbish way?

Rarity: Oh, it can be done.

The sight that rarity did only made Corey chuckle a bit be for he cleared his throat, "ahem I know that you have a lot of questions to ask bro so I will let twilight explain them to you as she did to me" he then looked over at twilight who was sitting at max's side. As she heard him say her name she instantly looked up at max "ah yes as I almost forgot to tell you, but yes as your brother said there is a reason to why we are all here max. Princess celestia has been wanting to learn about this planet for quite some time, and she has been sending some ponies do see what they can learn about this planet called...umm what was it called again?".

Twilight: “Yeah, what was this planet called that Celestia sent me on a critical mission to?”

Max leaned down and tapped her "earth" he said to her, "ah yes earth. thank you max".

"it's ok twilight"

"well she sent the 6 of us here to learn many things about the inhabits that live on this planet and so far the only two people that we have learned about is you and Corey", she finished.

Twilight: And everyone at that club we were just at, but forget them.

Max was stunned to hear that princess celestia has been watching over earth for some time. And now she sends her start student onto there planet to learn more about human life, the thought of this made max smile a bit as he began to think of how many times that he had wished for this to happen to him.

Carts: 24,973 times, to be precise.

Twilight then poked his chest with her hoof "umm max are you ok?" he looked at her and shook his head, "huh? What? Oh yea I'm ok twilight I was just thinking".

Twilight: That’s new.

She then tilted her head a bit "what were you thinking about?".

"oh it's nothing really. Just spacing out is all" he chuckled nervously.

Rarity: Ground control to Major Max!

She then raised an eyebrow before forgetting about it "well anyway. Max I would like for you to meet my friends" she said as she pointed her hoof at her friends who were still siting in the Corner,

Carts: That must be one cramped corner.

looking around at the room. she pointed to applejack first "this here is applejack" applejack then trotted up to max and held out her hoof to him.

Howdy there partner put y'er there "she said in a southern accent,

Carts: I lived in Georgia for years, and “Howdy there partner put y’er there” is NOT a southern accent.

max touched her hoof with his hand and she shook him rapidly almost making him sick. "n-nice t-to m-meet y-you" he tried to say clearly as applejack shook his hand. As she stopped he then held his head with his hands trying keep himself from being sick, twilight then pointed to pinky pie

Twilight: Is THAT how you spell her name? I’ve been spelling it wrong for all these years!

who was smiling widely. "over here is pinky pie" pinky pie then bounced right up to max's face and started blasting him with questions.

Rarity: She has an AK-Forty-Question.

"hi I'm pinky pie. Who are you?. Are you friendly?. Oh oh do you like parties? Cuz I like parties too. Why are your hoofs so different?. Do you have friends?. Do your friends like parties too?. Maybe we should have a huge- pinky pie's mouth was mumbling under twilight's hoof as she stopped her from talking.

Twilight: I wish I could do that to this author, too.

"pinky pie please we will get to questions later ok" twilight said to her as she took her hoof from her mouth.

"okie dokie" she said as she hopped back to the corner.

She then pointed at rarity "and this is rarity", rarity then trotted away from Corey and over to max "hello max it is a pleasure to meet you darling" she said in a British tone

Rarity: Is THAT what my accent is? British?

Twilight: “Chip, chip, wot wot, jolly good, guv’nah!”

as she bowed her head a bit then came back up, max only rubbed the back of his neck "the pleasure is all mine rarity" he said as rarity smiled and trotted back over to Corey's side.

Rarity: And then promptly trotted back away after smelling his severe body odor.

"man Corey must love her a lot because I really don't see it" he thought to himself as he the saw twilight look over at rainbow dash. "and here is rainbow dash", rainbow dash then flew up to max's face

Twilight: And crashed into him, breaking his nose.

and stared at him a bit before holding out her hoof to him " hey ya

Carts (singing): “Shake it like a Polaroid picture!”

I'm rainbow dash the fastest flyer in all of equestria!" she said with pride as he shook her hoof and smirked a bit and snickered at her. She saw this and raised an eyebrow at him "hey what's so funny?".

Rarity: “Oh, you’re just so out of character, that’s all.”

Max stopped smirking and snickering to speak "sorry about that it's well. You kinda remind me of a certain someone who acts just like you in every way. And let me tell you he is also 20% cooler just like you", rainbow dash grinned and smiled joyfully hearing this "there is someone who is 20% cooler just like me?. No way?". Where is he so I can meet him?. Is he just as cool looking as me?".

Carts: Because that’s what I do when I meet a person for the first time; I immediately start talking about someone entirely different.

Max only smiled to himself as he thought of Clayton and how much the two were just alike in every way, he then looked at the last pony who was hiding her face behind her pink hair as her looked at max a bit then looked at the floor then back at him.

Carts: Then back at the floor, then back at him, then back at the—

Twilight: Shut UP, Carts!

"and lastly this is fluttershy" twilight said to max as fluttershy looked at max shyly, "oh umm...h-hello max" she said quietly as she could. Max only smiled at her "it's nice to meet you fluttershy. I think my friend dillon and you would get along just nicely".

Twilight: It’s almost like the author planned it that way!

Fluttershy then raised her head after hearing max's friends name, "o-oh a-and who is dillon?. Umm...you don't mind me a-asking?" she said still hiding her face with her hair. "he is a friend of mine that you will meet very soon. In fact I think that I should call them up to let them come over and take you girls home with them. How does that sound?".

All of the girls faces lit up with joy at the idea until pinky pie started bouncing up and down

Carts: At which point the joy was promptly sucked out of the room.

" yayyyyyyy!. We get to stay with max's friends. This is Gonna be so much fun" she said still bouncing up and down overjoyed, Corey then grabbed his cellphone and started to call up the rest of there friends to come over to the house.

JACK'S HOUSE 12:06 am

jack was laying down in his bed looking up at the celling unable to sleep,

Rarity: That poor insomniac ceiling! Take some NyQuil and you’ll doze right off.

Twilight: Not ceiling, celling.

he had a dream about his parents again, the same dream that had been haunting him for 15 years of his life ever since they passed away. He was sighing and staring at the blue celling until his train of thought was broken by the sound of his phone going off next to him, he grabbed it and saw that it was Corey he answered it.

"yea?"

"dude come over here right away"

"why?. What's going on?"

"a surprise that's what"

Twilight: OH MY GOD, PARAGRAPH BREAKS FOR NEW SPEAKERS!

Carts: It’s the best surprise ever!

Jack didn't get what he was saying until he heard someone on the other side of the phone shout.

"oh boy a surprise!. Oh I love surprises. What is it?. Is it something yummy like a cake. Or is it a- Corey stopped pinky pie from talking as jack then raised an eyebrow on the other side of the phone.

Rarity: And Corey somehow knew about Jack raising his eyebrows, even though this is a phone.

"who was that?"

"your surprise that your gonna be getting once you get your ass over here"

"ok just let me get a jacket on and I will be there"

Jack then hung up the phone and got up out of his bed to put on his gap hoodie and converse shoes

Carts: Are these companies at least paying Kyuubi Gear for all of these product placements?

and proceed to walk out of his room and turn on all the lights,

Twilight: He turned ON the lights as he left the room? How wasteful!

Rarity: Somepony needs to go green.

just as he was about to walk out the front door he looked at the fireplace and saw a portrait of his mother and father smiling,

Twilight: He’s burning his family portrait?

he smiled at them it was the only thing that he cherished in the house more than anything.

Twilight: Just one thing? I thought that he cherished three things more than anything.

As he looked at the portrait for 3 minutes

Carts: It’s like the Mirror of Erised.

he then opened up his front door and closed it, as he then walked to his parents jeep parked outside on the street.

Rarity: His dead parents’ Jeep?

Carts: Maybe they left it to him.

He got inside and pressed the start engine button since since the jeep didn't have an ignition slot because his mother got the jeep custom made to have a start engine button because his family had a very bad habit of losing  the car keys,

Carts: And losing their lives.

Twilight: Carts, be nice!

Carts: Sorry.

he fixed up the mirrors and made sure that no one was driving as he then drove off to his friends house in the middle of the night.

SAM'S HOUSE

Sam was sitting in the den watching ghost hunters as his mother was in her room reading a book, his father was away on a business for a while and would return next month.

Rarity: Firefighters finally rescued a man today who had been trapped on the roof of a local business for an entire month.

Sam was eating some popcorn and watching his show when his house phone went off, he got up to see who was calling.

"Baxter residence"

"get over here asap sam"

"corey hey man what's going on?"

"hey sam. Hey listen I need you over her on the double"

Carts: Look, I’m not over her, we just broke up! Give a guy some time to adjust, man.

"what's wrong?"

Rarity: Everything about this story.

"oh nothing. Just a surprise"

"I will be right over in a flash"

Carts: God, I hated having to use that HM. You can’t erase the move and it’s useless outside of darkened caves.

He hung up the house phone and walked to his mother's room and knocked on her door. His mother stopped reading and looked at her son with a smile.

"yes Samuel?"

"hey mom I need to go over Corey and max's house"

She looked at him with worry "oh my. Did something. Happen to there father?. Are they hurt?",

Twilight: TOO MUCH PUNCTUATION!

Carts: If only he could transplant some of those unnecessary periods and commas to other places in the story where he actually needs them.

Rarity: So, like a hair transplant, but with commas?

Carts: Eeyup.

sam shook his head "no mom. In fact Corey said that he has a surprise for me".His mother tilted her head in confusion "he has a surprise for you?. Hmm I wonder what it could be?". He shrugged "beats me. Anyway can I go over there to find out what it is please?", his mother sighed and nodded at him.

Twilight: No, bring back the paragraph breaks!

He smiled brightly "thanks mom your the best" he said as he ran to the kitchen to grab the keys to his hummer and run outside and climbed in and started his vehicle up and hit his foot on the gas and zoomed out of the drive through.

Rarity: Drive-through? He lives at a fast-food restaurant?

COREY AND MAX'S HOUSE

Meanwhile back at the house as Corey was about to call Clayton and dillon until he heard a revving sound outside the house, making fluttershy jump and hide under the beanbag chair. Max then heard the sound outside and got up and looked out his window to see Clayton and dillon both get off the chopper and walk up to the front door.

Carts: Oh no, Jehovah’s Witnesses! Everypony hide!

Fluttershy then poked her head out of the beanbag chair shivering in fear, "w-what w-was that noise?" she asked max who then turned from the window and walked over to the door out of the room. "that fluttershy was the sound of you and rainbow dashes ride home"

Twilight: They can’t just fly?

Carts: But someone might see them.

Twilight: It’s the middle of the night!

he said as he open the door and gently closed it so he didn't wake up his old man. As he left the girls with Corey applejack then put her hoof to her chin. "ride home?. What in the hay is he talkin about twilight?"

Rarity: “Ride home? What do those two words even mean?”

she said to twilight as she could only shrug, "I don't know applejack?.

Twilight: That’s a lie; Applejack is one of my best friends.

But whatever it he meant by that must have something to do with rainbow dash and fluttershy". Applejack only sighed in frustration trying to understand just what max had meant, as max walked down the stairs and up to the front door, opened it up to reveille

Twilight: That might be the most egregious spelling error I’ve ever seen.

a very pissed off Clayton and black eyed dillon holding his swollen eye.

Max's mouth dropped at the sight of his eye "holy shit dillon!. What happened to you?!" dillon only said  one word to him "mom", max then knew who gave him the black eye

Rarity: Somepony call child protective services!

"what why?. What happened this time?".

Clayton then started to cool down a bit as he spoke " he forgot his cellphone in your car and that stupid bitch hit him for leaving his phone in the car. And started talking down at him making him cry as she was telling him to stop crying like a pussy. So I dropped kicked her

Carts: All the way to the opposing team’s twenty-yard line.

and stomped on her hand and took dillon away from her and now she won't stop calling me asking for her son back!"

, max just shook his head in disappointment they all knew that clayton's aunt Tracy and his uncle reggie  were a piece of shit

Twilight: Both of them were just ONE piece of shit?

Rarity: They’re conjoined shit twins.

and hated by clayton's family. And they knew that this was going on at his house but they couldn't do anything about it because she was his son and they could not press charges against them at all.

Carts: If only there was some Government HQ in New Port City that they could call on!

Twilight: You mean the one that’s supposed to protect the poor residents?

Carts: The very same.

As max stepped back for Clayton and dillon to enter, dillon sat on the couch and saw his cell phone on the coffee table as he then picked it up and put it in his pocket.

Max then closed the door and turned to them "well I'm real sorry about that buddy" dillon looked at max "it's okay max. I just wish I could be like my cousin and stand up to her. I really wanna be like you Clayton",

Carts (singing): I wanna walk like you, talk like you…

Clayton leaned back on the wall and smiled a bit at him "it's ok dillon and I told you can just call me bro". Dillon started to smile a bit he knew that Clayton and him were close but there bond was much stronger than that and almost nothing could break it,

Twilight: Except a fierce debate over who is best pony.

max then broke the silence "well if you want something to make you feel better man. I Have just the thing for you to take

Rarity: Heroin!

home with you" he said to him making dillon look at him with a look of counfusion.

"what is it?" he asked, he then shouted up to the room but not too loud to wake up there father.

"fluttershy!. Rainbow dash!. You two can come down now" Clayton raised up his kamina sunglasses and gave max a glare that could burn right threw the sun,

Rarity: And that’s strike three as the sun flies right down the center, but Max misses again!

"dude come on!. Don't fuck with my cousin like that!" he said getting a little mad. Max only stuck his tongue out at him

Carts: What, is he five?

making Clayton flip him off, as he put his hand back to his side he looked at the end of the steps and his eyes widened along with his cousins,

Carts: His cousins both ate a LOT of junk food just then.

‘ they both saw the two cartoon ponies come downstairs and stand near the steps.

Fluttershy looked down at the floor as dillon got up from his seat and kneeled down to her

Twilight: “Fluttershy, will you marry me?”

as he put his hand on her head. "fluttershy. Is that really you ?" he put his hand on her making her make a jump a bit, he smiled at her "don't worry I'm not gonna hurt you. I would never hurt you or anypony". She then looked up at him and she saw his smile and she started to smile a bit, as she then looked at his black eye. "oh my goodness what happened to you?" she asked him as she gently pointed at his eye

Twilight: How does one gently point, exactly?

Carts: You got me there.

dillon turned his face away from her "I...I don't wanna talk about it" he said in a sad voice, she nodded at him and flew up to his face and smiled at him a bit. "well don't you worry. I'll make sure that it gets better" she said in her kind voice making dillon smile more.

Clayton was still staring at his cousin in disbelief but his stare was soon broken

Rarity: Ouch.

as he saw a cyan pony trot in front of him staring at him. He looked at the rainbow haired mare and rubbed his eyes to make sure that he wasn't in some kind of dream or anything, but when he finished he still saw her as he then kneeled down to her and held out his hand to her.

Carts: He had some delicious oats in his hand, which Rainbow Dash gobbled right up.

Max then decided to speak "well rainbow dash that is the guy I told you about who is 20% cooler just like you" he finished with a grin, rainbow dash looked at Clayton as her eyes started to widen like they did when she saw the wonderbolts in episode 16.

Carts: Which one is that again? I don’t memorize episode numbers.

Twilight: You don’t know!? You aren’t a true brony!

Carts: Apparently not.

"oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh" was all she said as she then tackled him to the floor in a hug, "you look so cool!. You look almost as cool as daring doo!" she said with excitement in her voice making him blush and show off his cocky grin.

Twilight: Wish. Fulfillment.

He then got to his feet with her in his arms "well rainbow dash. I would not have been this cool if It wasn't for you" he said, she then looked at him with a suspicious look on her face"hey?. How do you know who I am?" she asked him jabbing her hoof on his chest, "well rainbow dash you really do exist in our world. But only as a television show were humans think that ponies like you two are only a myth".

Carts: Ponies are the stuff of legends on Earth!

Rarity: Maybe he means pegasi?

Twilight: And yes, cartoon ponies are myths, just like the legendary Transformers.

Rainbow dash blinked at him "what's a television?"

Rarity: Hey, Rainbow Dash knows blinking Morse code, too!

she asked him as he looked at her with a smile "I will tell you once we get to my house" he then messes up her hair gently making her push his hand away as she blushed a bit, max then heard his bedroom door open and looked to the stairs to see

Carts: Nothing. It was a poltergeist!

his brother and the other ponies come down. Corey then saw dillon and Clayton and smiled as he saw the two hold onto there favorite cartoon ponies.

"so it looks like you guys have gotten alone nicely I see" he then winks at the four making them look away trying to hide there blush. The group then hears two cars outside and heard the two car doors shut as a knock on the door was then heard, max then opened the door to see jack and sam.

Twilight: They then heard the door opening.

"ah good your hear come on in" max said as he closed the front door a bit,

Twilight: He didn’t close it all the way?

as they both walked in they both dropped there mouths at what they saw, jack then looked over and saw pinky pie grinning at them widely as she trotted over to the boys. "hi I'm pinky pie" she said with a happy voice making sam freak out, "holy fucking snowballs she talks!"

Carts: “Holy fucking snowballs, Batman!”

was all sam could get out of his mouth before applejack then trotted over to sam and tapped his leg. Howdy there big fella" she said to him making sam shake his head. "this..this can't be real...it just can't be" before he could freak out again applejack then turned around and lifted her back hoofs and bucked him in the knee as he then fell down,

Rarity: Applejack, what’d you do THAT for!?

jack simply chuckled at the scene as twilight then looked at applejack with an angry look on her face, "applejack!" she said as she turned to twilight.

"what?. I wanted to show him that we weren't a figment of his imagination" she said as she looked at him to get up.

Carts: “So naturally, ah broke his kneecaps!”

Jack then looked down at pinky pie who was still smiling at him, "so...this is my surprise huh Corey?" jack said tapping his foot. Corey then looked at him with a grin "yes it is jack. Now you have someone to stay with you at you house now" he said as he gave him a wink which made him roll his eyes.

Rarity: You rolled doubles! Now you can get out of jail!

jack then picked up pinky pie and held her in his arms "well I love my surprise"

Rarity: Is that an oblique reference to Surprise, the original version of Pinkie Pie?

Carts: No, that’s giving this writer WAY too much credit.

he said making pinky pie smile even more, "yay!. I'm jack's surprise!" she said with glee. Twilight and max then looked at each other then back at the group as max cleared his throat "well I know that you guys want an expiation about this.

Twilight: Yes, please atone for your sins.

but it's getting late and I will have to tell you all in the morning ok guys?" the boys all nodded in unison, as twilight then spoke "oh before I forget. I Need to give you all these" she said as she then made her horn start to glow a purple aurora and a flash of light came reviling six silver bracelets, she then handed each person a bracelet "these bracelets will give us turn us into humans freely. So that we can fit in around here"

Twilight: “That’s why I’m giving them all to you six boys, who are already humans.”

the boys put the bracelets in there pockets and then started to leave and go home, as they all left only Corey, rarity, max, and twilight were left downstairs.

Max then yawned as he then walked upstairs with the others following him back into the room as his brother closed the door behind him.

Carts: I’m glad Kyuubi included that critical detail about Max closing the door behind him.

SAM'S HOUSE

sam pulled up into the driveway with applejack in the passengers seat as he got out he then opened the other side of the door for her to get out. She hoped out and landed on her hoofs "thanks sam" sam nods "no problem",

Rarity: He nodded his head in Morse code.

as sam closes the door to the hummer they then reach the front door and open it. As he opens the front door he sees that all the lights are off in the house. He then picks applejack up and carries her into his room and shuts and locks his door,

Carts: Why do I get the feeling that something non-consensual is about to happen?

"what in the hay was that about sam?" she asked him. Sam then turns on his lamp and looks at her " because I don't want my mom to see a cartoon pony in the house.

Twilight: “If only I had some sort of bracelet which could turn ponies into humans!”

I don't want her to kick you out applejack", applejack was smiling hearing this." ya don't want me to leave yer side huh Sugercube?" she said in a teasing way.

Sam only smiled at her comment "no applejack I really don't want you to leave" he said as he walked over to his closet and pulled out a sleeping bag and laid it onto the floor. She then got on it and laid down putting her cowboy hat on the side of her, sam smiled at her as he saw her then drift off to sleep as he then took off his shoes and got into bed and turned off his lamp.

Twilight: He then realized that he forgot to brush his teeth, so he turned his lamp back on, walked to his bedroom door, opened it, walked to his bathroom door, opened it, got his toothbrush—

Carts: TWILIGHT!

Twilight: Sorry.

JACK'S HOUSE

Rarity: Oh, I sure do hope we get to read a section for EACH of them!

Jack and pinky pie arrived at his house, as jack turned off the engine pinky pie looked at what jack had pressed. "hey Jackie wacky?" she said smiling at the nickname she had just given him, jack turned to pinky pie "yes pinky?".

"what was that thing you pressed?"

Twilight: It certainly wasn’t the shift key on his keyboard.

"oh that was the engine button"

"what's that?. Is it some kind of cupcake maker?" she said thinking about it.

Rarity: Because Pinkie definitely wouldn’t know what the word “engine” means.

Twilight: Yeah, it’s not like there’s trains in Equestria or anything.

He smiled back at her a bit "nope. It's what I  press to turn off the car"

"ohhhhhh okie dokie then" she said as she bounced out of her seat and onto the grass up to the house.

Jack took off his seatbelt and walked up to his house to see pinky pie hop up and down waiting for him, as he reached the door he opened with his house key and closed the door behind him.

Carts: I’m glad that the author added such detail. Knowing that he used a KEY to open his door and that he CLOSED it behind him rather than leaving it open really enriches this story.

"I'm home mom and dad" he said to the family portrait above the fireplace. Pinky pie looked at the large picture and smiled, "are these your parents?" she asked him. He stood next to her side as they both looked at the portrait, "yes pinky they are. They were the best parents I ever had".

Rarity: Well, they were the ONLY parents I ever had, but still!

Carts: They died fifteen years ago, and you can’t be older than 18, how on earth do you even remember them?

Twilight: Magic!

She then looked at him confused "what do you mean by that?", he then looked down at her "I will tell you later. Promise". She looked up at him still "pinky promise?" she asked him the words that he knew that she would ask him.

He then raised up his right hand "cross my heart and hope to fly. Stick a cupcake in my eye" he said as he smacked his right with his hand "ow",

Rarity: Smacked his right? No wonder it hurt so bad!

pinky pie then hugged his leg and smiled more "yay!" she shouted.

DILLON'S HOUSE

as Clayton was driving his chopper threw the streets

Carts: That’s one strong chopper.

he looked over and saw his cousins house and drove up into the driveway. As he turned off the motorcycle and put it on the kick stand he looked at rainbow dash as she was admiring his chopper. "hey rainbow dash. Is it okay if you stay and watch my motorcycle for me?", rainbow dash nodded at him as she was looking all over the bike. Dillon who was holding fluttershy in his arms who was sleeping smiled at her as he gently woke her up, she opened up her big green eyes

Twilight Sparkle: They’re BLUE.

at him and yawned "oh a-are we here already?" she asked him.

Dillon nodded at her "yes fluttershy we are here but I need you to do me a favor please", she looked at him "what is it?" she asked in her sweet voice.

Rarity: “I need you to run over to Safeway and get me some milk. We’re all out.”

"I need you to fly above my house until I give you the signal to come inside" he said to her, "ok dillon" she then flies out of his arms and over the roof of the house. Dillon then walks up to the front door were clayton is standing and gulps. But Clayton puts his hand on his shoulder and smiles at him making a small amount of his fear go away.

Just then the boys hear the other side of the door open and Clayton quickly grits his teeth in rage at the sight of his worthless aunt Tracy.

Twilight: She didn’t have a dollar to her name.

His aunt looks at him with a cold and evil look on her face "so you decided to bring back my son after you kidnapped him from me and tried to assault me   huh?"

Carts: TRIED to assault you? He drop-kicked you!

, she said to him in a uncaring way.

Twilight: “Yeah, I don’t really care that you tried to assault me, though.”

"just be happy I didn't cut your fucking hand off bitch" Clayton said with a dark tone in his voice, his aunt then pointed at him "you watch your mouth you little shit! As much as I do for you and my older sister! You should respect me more! And not be such a smartass all the time! Not to mention looking like a fucking bum all the damn time!

Rarity: She kind of has a point. He’s the worst-dressed man I’ve ever had the misfortune of reading about.

You aight to be a shamed of yourself looking any kind of way! How else are gonna get a woman if you keep looking like filth all the fucking time! And cleaning yourself up for once!" she yelled at him.

Carts: You tell him, Aunt Tracy!

Twilight: Is it bad that I kind of like this character?

She then turned to dillon and yelled at him "and as for you dillon! I don't ever want you to do what you did tonight do you hear me dammit!" she said as she smacked him across the face making a large bruise on his face appear,

Twilight: That’s a fast bruise, right there.

as he then walked inside the house to his room.

As Clayton saw his cousin walk inside the house, he caught his aunt getting ready to slap him as well as he then pulled out his yamato sword out from behind his back and cut her hand open making her scream in pain. "ah! You little fucking asswhole!

Twilight: As opposed to an asspart.

Why I ought to-" she stopped talking as he pointed his katana at her neck.

"you ought to what bitch. Try and hit me like you do my cousin every single day just because your divorced and his dad isn't worth shit and doesn't want anything to do with him.

Carts: Sorry, was that a question?

You may be able to get away with treating dillon like worthless shit in your house. But if you even think about hitting me like you were about to do a minute ago. I will gladly kill your ass for FREE!"

Carts: That’s a good deal, suicide booths are normally 25 cents.

he said with rage as he walked off the front porch and put his katana away, as he turned around to face her with a cold dark glare.

"and for your information you stupid bitch. I have a girl.

Rarity: Who’s also a cartoon pony.

Twilight: Eh, details.

I just don't run my mouth like you do all the fucking time" he said as she slammed the front door and got on his chopper and drove off. While inside his room dillon walked over to his window and waved his hand for fluttershy to come inside, she flew down into his window and landed on his bed.

Rarity: She then sprinkled him with pixie dust and they both flew off to Neverland.

She looked at him with concern in his eyes "d-dillon what was that all about outside?. I mean....if you wanna talk about it that is. It's ok if you don't want to I understand" she said looking away shyly, dillon then sat to her and looked at her "my mother is a monster. She is my bro's aunt and she is the opposite of my bro's mother.

Carts: Wait, wouldn’t the opposite of a mother be a father, not an aunt?

Where my mom is always putting me down and always beating me up because my dad left us and wants nothing to do with me. She always called me a mistake and no matter what do I'm always beaten up and being put down for everything everyday. It's been that way since i was little" dillon finishes tearing up a bit.

Rarity: Why would you tear up a perfectly good bit when you could buy something with it?

Fluttershy looks at him and starts to tear up as well, "that's horrible. Nopony or anypony should suffer like that. Not ever" she said as she put her hoofs around him, making him smile a little bit "thanks fluttershy. You really know how to make me feel better" he said to her making her blush a little bit. He then puts her on his lap and held her in his arms lovingly as she laid her head into his chest.

Twilight: And nothing sexual happened at all.

Carts: Yet.

CLAYTON'S HOUSE

as Clayton was speeding off on the road rainbow dash was holding her hoofs around his waist so as to not fall off the bike. As they were speeding she then decided to break the silence "so what was all that yelling about at your cousins place?" she asked him. Clayton replied "just family matters

Rarity: With Steve Urkel.

nothing more"  they then arrived at his home as he stopped half way in the driveway and turned off his chopper. As they got off the bike rainbow dash flew next to his side as they stopped at the front door, clayton turned to her. "now rainbow dash I'm going to warn you now that once you walk into this house my family is going to love and tolerate the shit out of you".

Carts: When I need to shit, I find laxatives tend to work better than love and tolerance, personally.

Rainbow dash looked at Clayton with a serious look and nodded, as he nodded back he pulled out his house key and opened the door "after you my dear" he said making her giggle a bit as she flew into the house. As he shut the door behind him he saw his parents watching tv in the den, he smirked as he then began to speak "mom. Dad I'm home. And I brought our future daughter in law home with me as well" he said with a sly grin across his face making rainbow dash stick her tongue out at him. His father then paused the tv

Twilight: With Comcast, you can pause live TV!

"hey bud welcome home. And what do you mean by you brought our futu-" he stopped talking as he the stared wide eyed at the flying cyan pony in the house.

Rarity: She was flying around their house?

"hun what's wrong?" clayton's mother said looking worried at his father. "look behind you" his father said with a hint of joy in his voice, his mother turned around and she had her mouth drop at what she saw.

Rarity: Quick, pick up her mouth and put it in some ice, they can re-attach it!

"what the? How the? What in the world?" was all she could say, "mom. Dad. I'd like for you both to me rainbow dash. Rainbow dash these are my parents" Clayton said to her.

Rainbow dash scratched the back of her head with her hoof as she chuckled nervously. "hehe hi. it's very nice to meet the both of you" she said sheepishly as clayton's parents got up from there seats and did the one thing that she didn't expect: hug her.

Carts: The ONE thing? So she was expecting them to kiss, shoot, stab, and massage her?

His mother broke the hug crying in joy "oh my god. Hunny. our prayers have been answered. Rainbow dash is here . In our world. Oh this is so wonderful"

Carts: Wait, I thought they were just being sarcastic about Clayton and Rainbow Dash in Chapter One. You mean that they really DID want their son to hook up with a cartoon pony?

Twilight: Apparently.

she said, his father nodded in agreement with her as he then turned to his son. "how in the world did this happen bud?" his father asked him, Clayton smiled at his parents reactions to rainbow dash "well you guys. She is not the only one here. The whole main six are here as well" he said with pride, his parents then looked at him puzzled

Twilight: Until their puzzler was sore.

"the whole main six are here. Were are they?" his mother asked him. "with my other brony family of course" he said making his father stop hugging rainbow dash and look at him with a serious face, "and I take it that fluttershy is with your cousin?"

Rarity: Wow, another psychic in this story!

he said in a serious tone. This make clayton's face turn from a smile to shock he forgot that not only was dillon in danger of his own mother,

Carts: He forgot, even though he had slashed her hand open with a katana not five minutes earlier.

but fluttershy was as well. "crap I forgot all about tracy" he said as his father put his hand on his shoulder "well. Let's hope that dillon knows how to use that windmill shriken that you bought him for Christmas last year on her if she ever lays a single finger on fluttershy" he said to him making his mother chuckle a bit.

Twilight: Tee hee! Physical violence against my own sister is funny!

Clayton sighed and nodded at his father before walking past him and taking rainbow dash out of his mothers arms making her pout like a kid. Clayton and rainbow dash laughed at seeing that "well were gonna go get some sleep. Will see you two in the morning"

Rarity: Two in the morning? That’s awful early.

rainbow dash said to his parents happily, "ok you two goodnight and Clayton be sure to wear protection if you two are gonna be up all night ok" his father said with a thumbs up making the two blush madly as they closed the door.

All three: WHAT!?

As soon as Clayton turned on his celling light rainbow dash then got out of his arms and flew to his bed,

Carts: Wait, so they’re actually going to sleep together?

Rarity: That’s what his dad implied.

Twilight: I think I’m going to throw up!

"woah!. Your room is so cool!" she said looking at his posters and tv stand holding his playstation 3 on it. He smiled as he then walked into the bathroom to change into his pajamas, as he was getting changed rainbow dash looked at the wall next to the bathroom and saw his Yamato katana.

Twilight: But I thought it was on his back?

"hey clayton" rainbow dash asked him as he walked out of the bathroom in his room shirtless making her blush wildly as she then brushed it off.

"what is that thing?"

"oh that. Well rainbow dash that is my katana"

"what's a katana?"

Carts: “Oh, just a little something that weaboos like to carry around.”

"a blade that cuts things. Mostly our own kind"

"why do you carry it with you then?"

Rarity: “Because I’m not 21 and can’t get my CCW permit yet; this is the next best thing.”

“so I can use it to protect the people and ponies that I love the most".

Rainbow dash didn't know what to say after hearing that, all she did was stare at his half naked body and his Yamato sword and thought about him using it without a shirt started to make her blush extremely.

Twilight: But… but WHY?

Clayton then walked over to the bed and placed his kamina glasses on his night stand next to him,

Carts: Oh, really? I thought he was going to sleep while wearing them.

as he then got under the covers rainbow dash got in under the covers with him. He looked at her into her big red eyes and smiled at her as he then sealed his arm around her and pulled her close to him making her blush more. "goodnight rainbow dash" he whispered to her sweetly "goodnight Clayton" she whispered back to him as she rested her head on his shoulder and held onto his right arm.

Twilight: So they ARE sleeping together!?

Carts: Yes, but I guess they aren’t, you know, sleeping together.

Rarity: You don’t know that.

Carts: *shudder*

GOVERNMENT HQ- 6:00 am

Meanwhile inside the building downstairs in the basement three men were standing next to a large  metal ring in the wall.

One of the men spoke

Twilight: Wait, describe this metal ring. How large? What kind of metal? Was there something inside of the ring? TELL ME!

Carts: Now come on, he doesn’t want to over describe things or be too wordy.

Twilight: Oh, you mean like he’s been doing this ENTIRE STORY!?

"shall I start the machine for him to arrive black haze?", the other man who had on a white long sleeve shirt, black work business pants,

Carts: They’re called slacks, Kyuubi.

long white hair and a mustache known as black haze

Rarity: His mustache was named black haze?

gently nodded at him to do so "yes vanish. If you may please".

Vanish smiled darkly as he then flipped the switch causing the metal ring to open and show a blue and black energy aurora inside, once it was opened the metal ring then shot out a strange creature onto the ground. As it rose up to look around to see it's surroundings. The third man who was was wearing an all black suit and had black spiky hair walked up to the creature and smiled at it "welcome lord discord".

Carts: Okay, Chapter End, I think it’s time for a break.

Twilight: I just can’t believe it! This author spends entire paragraphs describing mundane shit like opening doors and walking up stairs, but yet he won’t describe this novel metal-ring machine at ALL!?

Carts: Maybe he just doesn’t have an imagination.

Twilight: I think you might actually be right. Think about it. I mean, listen to the way he describes everything. He just lists off brand names like Gap or American Eagle or Hummer or whatever. It’s like he just looked in his closet and started writing about his clothes.

Carts: And then he includes graphic detail about opening doors, closing doors, walking up stairs, walking up driveways...

Rarity: So, any guesses for which of these characters is based off of the author in real life?

Carts: I’m going to go with either Clayton or Max. I mean, they’re obviously the heroes of this story, and Clayton has a quote-unquote “badass” sword, and is an obvious Gary Stu, so probably him.

Twilight: I think I’ll go with Dillon, actually. Kyuubi probably just wishes he could be like Clayton or Max.

Rarity: What about Lucy? Could he be Lucy?

Twilight and Carts: No.

*buzzer*

ALL: WE’VE GOT STORY SIGN!