As a great pony once said: "Pray that there's intelligent life somewhere up in space, 'cuz there's bugger here in Equestria."

Of course, he would come to regret those words as infinitely intelligent alicorns now roamed the land, part of some crazy master plan that would unfold perfectly despite thousands upon thousands of variables that could not be accounted for.

As Sue and Stu kissed passionately for no reason in Twilight's panic room, things all across Equestria were exploding. Alicorns crossed paths, and everything in a five mile radius evaporated into the void aside from other alicorns. Celestia was reading a very good novel about such a problem when the castle disappeared and suddenly she realized what Luna meant when she said "Alicorns are eating all my bacon!"

Alicorns were devouring every food item in sight, and then reproducing like parasprites. It was super gross.

Celestia clapped her hooves together, a sound that rang into the ears of every living being within a 5 foot radius. The living beings there happened to be guards, who took Celestia's request and returned with her battle armor. She donned it and took off to go solve the alicorn problem.

~

Oprah was in the middle of promoting some book in which the main character liked to strip for the moon when she turned into an alicorn. The book was stupid anyways, so it was not like anyone other than stay at home moms cared about the sudden change. On top of that, a lot of people failed to get cars and that movie she was making was delayed while they got Michael Bay to take her spot. Needless to say, the soft-hearted cooking movie quickly became an action-packed explosion-filled hot women covered film that was about Spongebob.

The crowd gasped in shock as the new Oprah stood and shook her hoof at the ceiling.

"Sue! Stu!" she yelled as she was teleported back to Equestria.

~

Celestia landed in front of Colgate/Minuette, who was spreading toothpaste across her Time Turner, trying to figure out what her name should be.

"What is going on?" she asked the one pony who had conveniently not become an alicorn. Come on, you can never get rid of the info broker! "There are alicorns everywhere!"

"How much is it worth?" Colguette asked, concluding that both names were acceptable.

"Is now the time to ask about money?!"

"Not money. But payment."

"Fine."

Celestia ripped a tooth out of her muzzle and put it on Minugate's lap. The broker gave her a pack of cigarettes.

"Alright, here's what I know," Minugate/Colguette said as Celestia began to smoke. "Some crazy alicorns named Sue and Stu turned everyone into an alicorn. As of now, they've killed Twilight and are planning to kill you. They're going to use the alicorns to do it."

Celestia thanked her and left, flying towards Ponyville, shocked at the news of Twilight's death...

~

Twilight's funeral was attended by absolutely nopony, because there was no funeral. Instead, ponies continued to destroy reality and replace it with gaping black splotches. Celestia went to the panic room and found Twilight, lying dead in the rubble. She wailed a wail of whale-like whalocity. She sobbed sobs of Saab-like sobocity.

Twilight opened her eyes and laughed.

"I fooled those alicorns!" she said happily.

Suddenly, the sky darkened, and Sue and Stu came down from the sky, bearing with them a brown-furred alicorn.

"Oprah!" Twilight yelled, standing.

"Okra?" Celestia asked, looking back and forth between the sky and her student. "How do you know this Okra?"

"She helped make everypony an alicorn!" the lavender alicorn replied, pointing a hoof. "We have to destroy them!"

"Then there will be war!" Stu said, dropping Oprah. "Because this isn't even my final form!"

As he increased in size, Twilight combined with Celestia. They became Twilestia Lagann, a giant battle-armored alicorn combo princess the size of the library.

"WHO THE HECK DO YOU THINK WE ARE!" they yelled.

Suddenly, the Millennium Carriage barreled into Ponyville, and laser fire filled the air.

The war against the alicorns had begun.

Author's Notes:

MWAHAHAHA! I have no idea.