Morning sunlight greeted my eyes, so I returned the greeting in the way any sane person would. I wrapped a corner of the bedsheet around the top of my head in order to cover my eyes so I could go back to sleep. To my great disappointment, the bed I slept on was still two sizes too big for me rather than the other way around. This meant that I was still in alien fantasy land and not at home.

"Oh, Richard," came a singsong voice from the direction of the door, "it's time to wake up." Speak of the devil, it was that purple witch responsible for my whole predicament.

My answer to that was to pull the rest of the covers over my head, leaving only a small gap for breathing fresh air. I would not succumb to the morning without a fight.

"Come on," she continued in her cheerful tone, as if that would entice me. "Don't you want to get out of this room? You're not under quarantine any more."

"Outside will still be there in two hours."

"But breakfast won't be," she said, irritation beginning to creep into her voice.

Tempting, but I still had an ace in the hole. These ponies still didn't know that I was a bachelor and a college student, and that granted me the amazing ability to skip meals and subsist entirely on junk food.

After a couple minutes, Twilight cracked first. "We don't have time for this!" she snapped. I could feel the tugging on my covers before the heavy comforter finally came free. I still had the blanket underneath, but the edges had been pulled loose. I scrambled to pull them back in, but the she-devil was faster. "Get up!"

"Cold!" I exclaimed, oblivious to her concerns. Luckily, the comforter was still within reach despite having been yanked off of me before. I pulled it back around me for warmth as I finally sat up, glaring daggers at my tormentor. "Alright, I'm up."

"Good, the others are waiting for us in the dining room, so do whatever it is you humans do in the morning, and I'll show you the way down there," she said, reverting back to the insufferably cheerful voice and smile of a morning person.

My stomach chose that particular moment to make its hungry noises, ultimately defeating any protest I could have raised. Grudgingly, I made my way to the side of the bed. While the sunlight took the edge off the cold room, I still needed to ease my way out from under the covers.

'Crazy nag, thinks she can order me around.'

After brushing my teeth and using the toilet, I beelined for the dresser I'd found all the bedsheets in last night. I selected one that felt thick enough that I wouldn't freeze to death in what the ponies considered 'room temperature'. I began wrapping it around myself in a way that it would stay on and keep me covered and warm while still giving me freedom of movement.

The nag had other ideas. "You're not going down there wearing a bedsheet," she deadpanned.

Without stopping what I was doing or turning to look at her, I fired back, "I'm not going down there naked."

"You have clothes."

"My skivvies don't count, and I'll still be cold." Clearly, explaining the concept of underwear to a nudist alien would be an uphill battle.

"I'm not letting you go to breakfast dressed like that."

"I can wait." It was finally my turn to lay on the smug, "Because I have absolutely nothing else to do all day, and you can't keep me in here any more because I'm not under quarantine."

Two minutes later, I stepped out of my guest room with Twilight in tow. Technically, the purple Princess was supposed to be leading me out, but she still had trouble with walking. Although, it was amusing to watch her try using her wings to compensate for lack of coordination on two legs. On the plus side, I had new things to look at, so I took in my new surroundings while my breakfast guide caught up.

Across the hall from my room was another bedroom, but instead of one big bed, there were four smaller ones on the far side. I could see a pair of them occupied by sleeping nurses, probably off shift. Where the sitting area would have been in my room, there was what looked like a conference table (but lower to the ground) that had several books and stacks of paper.

"Can I help you?" a nearby voice inquired, nearly causing me to jump out of my sheet.

Regaining my composure, I turned in the direction of the voice and saw a nurse leaning on a desk. I quickly turned my head away once I confirmed that, like all the other nurses, she wore nothing but a hat. "N-no thanks," I stuttered, "I was just looking around."

"Well, as you can see, we've turned this room into a little doctor's office, so if you need anything, don't hesitate to stop by. One of us will always be here to help."

A question came to mind just before I turned to leave. I had to ask because I knew it would bug me until I got an answer, "There is one thing. Where is the doctor? All I've seen so far are nurses."

"Oh, Doctor Stable is probably hiding in his lab testing the samples we collected. He prefers not to meet his patients if he can avoid it.

'So that leaves the nurses to do all the real work.' I nodded in acknowledgement and then walked back out. Twilight had finally made it out of my room and was now walking down the hallway ahead of me.

"If you wander off and get lost, I'm not stopping to find you!" she shouted at me.

I said nothing and set off behind her. What the nurse said had put more thoughts into my head. She referred to the doctor as a 'he'. I ran a quick mental inventory of all the ponies I'd seen so far. If they really were ponies, then that would make the horned ones unicorns and the winged ones pegasi, but the Princesses all had horns and wings, so that would make them winged unicorns (or horned pegasi). In any case, they were creatures straight out of legends and fairy tales back on Earth. The problem was that they were all female. The only variety I had yet to see was the pony with a penis.

'The mythological male,' I thought to myself.

The distance between my room and the dining room wasn't very far, but with Twilight leading the way, progress was slow. I quickly got bored of looking at the decor, which pretty much fit my idea of generic palace fare. The columns and banners weren't of much interest, and the tapestries depicted a bunch of four-legged ponies doing something or another that I couldn't be bothered to go on about. At least there was carpet I could stay on. I didn't want to take chances with how cold the bare stone parts of the floor were. With the sightseeing accomplished, I decided to pass the rest of the trip pestering Twilight with questions.

Much to my chagrin, she was all too eager to indulge my curiosity. I just idly mentioned the unbelieveable unlikelihood that two completely different species from two completely different worlds would somehow be able to speak the same language. That prompted a history lecture about an event in the pre-tribal era, long before Celestia and Luna were born (as if that was supposed to mean anything to me). I couldn't follow all the details (something about something called the elements of harmony), but the end result was that whenever someone speaks, their words would be understood. In my mind, I just boiled it all down to, 'Like the story of the Tower of Babel, but backwards.'

We eventually rounded the final corner, and Twilight indicated the room where food awaited. However, I quickly took interest in what was standing outside of that room. On either side of the door stood a pony with cropped hair and short tails. They were roughly the same height as me and had no breasts, sporting a more masculine build instead. Also, they had the same color scheme, unlike the females I'd seen so far: blue hair and tails with white hair covering their bodies.

"They do exist," I blurted out as I moved past Twilight to get a better look.

"What are you talking about now?" she asked with mild irritation.

"Males," I replied.

"What's so special about them?"

I turned back to her and raised an eyebrow. "I haven't seen any until just now. I was starting to think they didn't exist."

One of them let out a small chuckle while my back was turned. "Permission to introduce ourselves Princess?"

Twilight just nodded, and I turned back to see who spoke.

"I'm Sergeant Scud Runner, and this is Corporal Raincloud. You must be the alien they quarantined in the guest wing."

"Yep," I confirmed. "You can call me 'Bill'."

"Introduce yourself properly, Richard," Twilight interrupted. "Tell him your full name."

I shot the Princess a dirty look while thinking, 'Make me.' Instead of speaking my mind directly, I let out an exasperated sigh before responding, "Are you still going on about the name thing?"

All she did was glare at me with her arms folded across her chest, but the way her tits squished together kind of ruined the effect.

I turned back to the Sergeant to avoid losing my composure, rolling my eyes in the process. "My name is Richard William Johnson, but I prefer everyone calls me 'Bill'."

The Sergeant just smirked and nodded, offering a fist. I bumped it with my own, assuming it must be their world's equivalent of a handshake.

I figured I could ask them a couple questions to learn more. As a bonus, it would probably annoy Twilight as well, so I counted it as a double victory for myself. "How am I supposed to tell you two apart? You both look the same."

"I'm the one who can stand up straight," said the Sergeant. I glanced over at the other one, noting that he, like the nag behind me, was using his wings to balance himself.

"And how come you look the same, anyway? Everyone else has wildly different colors."

"The guards' armor is enchanted to give them a uniform appearance while on duty," came the voice of a certain someone who decided to interrupt again.

That earned another raised eyebrow from me. "But they're not wearing any armor."

"That's because they were transformed too. Their armor doesn't fit any more."

The Sergeant cleared his throat, "Codpiece still fits."

'At least someone around here has their priorities straight. Although, I wouldn't trust that kind of magic that close to the family jewels.'

I craned my neck to get a look at the Corporal. He hadn't said anything yet, probably because he was to busy not falling over to join the conversation. Still, I didn't want him to feel left out. Sure enough, there was a piece of metal covering his gentlemen's area in much the same way as a jock strap. Something looked a bit off, though.

"It looks kinda flat," I thought out loud. "Does it really all fit comfortably under there?"

Once again, the Princess of interruptions did her thing, a little louder this time, "Oh, for the love of... They're sheathed, so nothing sticks out like it does on you."

"Wait!" I exclaimed, suprised at this new revelation. "You mean they can just tuck it all away when they're not using it?"

"Yes," she answered, clearly frustrated, as she was now facepalming.

'Now that's just not fair,' I thought to myself, considering how much easier life would be if I could hide inconvenient boners.

"Can we please just go inside?" Twilight continued, oblivious to my inner musings.

"I'm not stopping you," I said innocently. "It's not like I'll get lost going through a door."

The look of pure hatred on her face made my morning complete. Then she closed the gap and shoved me towards the door. "Get in there!"

To their credit, the two guards had already resumed their stoic expressions and were looking straight ahead.

I managed to get myself turned back around and facing the right way while Twilight kept her hands on my shoulders, partly for balance, partly to keep me moving forward. Upon clearing the door and seeing what awaited inside, there was another problem. I stopped and stood there, transfixed, caught like a deer in the headlights (high beams, to be precise), six pairs of them.

A seventh set of headlights rear-ended me, "What is it now?"

"They're all staring at me."

"That's because we're late. If you hadn't stopped to talk to the guard..."

I cut her off, "If you hadn't been walking so slow, I wouldn't have had time to get bored."

"You were the one who wouldn't get out of bed!"

"You wasted time trying to make me come down here naked."

"YOU HAVE CLOTHES!!!"

The other Princess in the room cut me off from telling Twilight how wrong she was by clearing her throat. "I'm happy to see you two getting along so well, but perhaps you could join us for breakfast?"

A loud 'Pop' went off next to me, followed by another one at the far end of the table. After the brief flash of light, Twilight appeared behind Celestia and took a seat between her and the white unicorn, whose name I'd forgotten. For my part, I just stood there with my jaw on the metaphorical floor from what I'd just witnessed.

"Don't just stand there. We saved ya a seat," chimed a friendly voice. The orange pony it belonged to pointed to a vacant spot between herself and the yellow one. I'd forgotten their names as well, so I decided to refer to them as 'Applebutt' and 'Butterfly' until I could relearn all their names. I figured I could work off of their butt pictures until conversation revealed their actual names.

I steeled myself and walked to the indicated seat. 'Just think of it like a strip club. Yes, they're all naked, but that doesn't really mean anything.'

Like the bathroom counter, the table was low, which meant I had a cushion on the floor rather than a chair. I parked myself between the two ponies and surveyed my food options. I went with blueberry pancakes, scrambled eggs and a glass of orange juice. The only thing missing was bacon. Come to think of it, that was a pretty glaring omission.

Despite my attempts to shut out everything except the food on my plate, one of the ponies got my attention by speaking up. I looked up in time to see the white one with dark purple hair addressing me, "Pardon me, Bill. I couldn't help but notice you're wearing a bedsheet. Is that normal for your world?"

"Well," I paused, considering my next words carefully, "No. Humans normally wear clothes all the time, but I don't have any right now, so I used this instead."

She closed her eyes for a moment. "I know what it's like to not have the clothes you want, and with everypony transformed like this, the clothes we have don't fit any more. Still, we wouldn't have minded if you hadn't worn anything."

"I would have minded. Didn't Twilight explain this to you yesterday?"

"She did," the pony confirmed, "and I agree with her that you overreacted."

For some reason, Twilight was giving me a smug look from across the table. I just gave her my best 'This isn't over' face, which only increased her smugness. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed Rainbow Dash whispering into the white pony's ear. She whispered something back, and the two shared a giggle.

'Better watch it around those two.'

"And really," the rainbow-headed pony chimed in, "a bedsheet? What's wrong with what you had?"

"I was cold," I finally let out, not in the mood to explain underwear.

I suddenly felt a warm body press against my right side. "Well, why didn' ya just say so? Me and Fluttershy can keep ya warm."

I felt another warm body brush gently against my left side after she spoke. I admit that having two ponies squeezing me in from either side did wonders for keeping me warm. However, things were warming up for entirely different reasons as well.

"Well done, Applejack." Even Celestia was jumping in on the act. "Now our chambermares won't have to clean and restock his bedsheets every day." The mischievous look on her face told me all I needed to know about how red my face was.

I knew the score. Seven humanoid aliens were pressing the advantage of an astounding array of arousing assets. I could see from the giggling on the other side of the table that they knew exactly what they were doing. I was completely defenseless, but that didn't mean I wouldn't go down fighting.

"And besides, you've probably never heard of a toga party," I blurted out. Yeah, even I didn't know where I was going with that one.

I suddenly became aware of a third warm body leaning into my back. Two pink arms draped themselves over my shoulders and pulled me into a tight embrace. "I want to know all about these toga parties," came a whisper in my ear.

"Th-they're nothing," I stammered desperately. "Forget I said anything."

"Awww, but that's no fun," the voice cooed. "You can tell me. I just want to know what a toga party is."

"Well, uhh..." I trailed off, trying to grasp any semblance of a coherent thought. "Everyone shows up wearing a toga and gets drunk, and there's loud music. Not much more to it than that." After I said that, I couldn't shake the feeling that I had just made a horrible mistake.

"Alright, girls, I think he's had enough." Twilight spoke up finally with a shit-eating grin. The ponies invading my space backed off at her word.

'And not a moment too soon. I think I was close to a little seepage there.'

"You fight dirty," I said, glaring back at the newly appointed bane of my existence.

"It wouldn't have worked if you didn't make such a big deal out of it." She punctuated her retort by sticking her tongue out at me.

"I didn't tell you about my concerns yesterday just so you could abuse it for laughs at my expense."

Rainbow Dash decided to add her two cents, "Oh c'mon! Don't tell me you're one of those boring stiffs who can't take a little teasing."

I said nothing and went back to eating breakfast. I hoped to escape the torment by refusing to participate.

With no further entertainment coming from my seat, the others broke off into their own conversations while they ate. I managed to overhear the names of the other two ponies whose names I had forgotten. Hopefully I wouldn't forget again. One would think that with such distinctive appearances, it would be easier to remember names. If anything, that only made it worse. I would always be doomed to remember faces instead of names.

At least I got something out of the whole breakfast ordeal. Rarity offered to take me to a friend of hers who specialized in tailoring clothes for stallions. Given my current wardrobe, I couldn't exactly refuse.

"So, what now?" I asked the room at large once the background noise had dropped off.

"Well," answered my least favorite pony, "We were hoping you could help us with walking on two legs. I also want to test a theory about releasing the magic trapped inside you. It's not very likely, but if it works, it could let us get you home that much faster."

To my surprise, her proposal was actually reasonable enough that I couldn't think of any objections to it. All I said was, "Okay."

As we were all getting up to leave, Celestia pulled me aside. "There is one more thing, Bill. My sister wishes for an audience with you in her private chambers. I can take you there and let the others know you'll be joining them later."

I let her lead me down a different hallway than the one leading back to my room. Unlike the walk down, my guide had no trouble matching my walking pace. She walked beside me and used her hand on my shoulder to wordlessly direct me towards our destination. Meanwhile, I puzzled over exactly what Luna would want to talk to me about and why she would invite me to her room instead of a more neutral part of the palace. Celestia, for her part, seemed content to leave me to my own thoughts, which was fine by me.

We made good time on our trip to Luna's room. As we approached, the door opened, with Luna standing just inside in all her naked glory. I already knew they were both taller than I was, but standing near them both made me feel smaller than I've ever felt in my entire adult life. The only way I could describe it would be to compare them to women of average height (and above average breast size) with everything scaled up until they were the same height as basketball players. These two ponies, unlike all the others, had been turned into freaking amazon women. My eye level fell somewhere just below Luna's chin, and if Celestia ever pulled me into a frontal bear hug, I'd be motorboating a pair of knockers at least as big as my head.

"I am glad to see you again, Bill." Luna's voice shook me out of my momentary distraction.

I looked up at her, caught off guard and unsure of how to react. "Oh, uhh... Nice to see you too," I hesitantly replied. I could feel my own embarassment rising in my cheeks as I averted my gaze.

'Smooth.'

Celestia walked over to her sister, and they began speaking quietly to one other. I took the time to survey the room. The general layout on the lower level was surprisingly similar to my own. There was a giant four-poster bed on the far side and a sitting area closer to the door and all kinds of dressers and whatnot lining the walls, but that was where the similarities ended. The decor had a distinct 'Moon and Stars' theme going for it where my guest room was more 'generic opulence'. There were stairs up to a second level in place of a direct exit to a balcony. I drifted over to the circle of chairs taking everything in while the two Princesses chatted.

I barely had time to sit down before they finished talking about whatever it was they were talking about. Celestia left to do whatever it was she did during the day, so once again, I found myself alone with her sister.

"How was breakfast?" Luna asked as she made her way over and took a seat opposite from me.

I paused for a moment to consider my response. "The food was good."

"And what of the company?"

Judging by her quasi-innocent tone, she was directing me to the topic I wanted to avoid. "Celestia told you about that, did she?"

"Indeed, we keep no secrets from each other. However, I would like to hear your thoughts, and I would prefer to see your face when you address me."

The way she spoke caught me off guard. She had been more relaxed last night, but now, I kind of felt more like a child being scolded.

"Well?" she prompted.

"They were a bit more," I paused while simultaneously trying to think of an appropriate word and keep my gaze above her neckline, "friendly than I was expecting."

Luna raised her eyebrow at that but said nothing. I did my best to maintain a neutral expression, but if the warm sensation in my face was any indication, I'm pretty sure it didn't have the intended effect.

The Princess finally broke the awkward silence. "They know why you get so flustered around them."

"I know. It just doesn't seem normal that they could just shrug it off, though."

"It is not normal. It is most likely a side effect of our transformation." At my questioning look, she elaborated, "Do not misunderstand. Twilight Sparkle and her friends are friendly mares in their own right, but we have heard from many of our subjects about mares feeling as if they were in heat since being turned into this new form."

"And what does that mean, exactly?"

"Generally, when a mare goes into heat, she is able to mate and bear foals."

I wasn't quite sure how to feel about that particular revelation. "In other words, they're all ready and willing to go for it."

It took a moment for Luna to process my words, but I assume she got the idea when she recoiled as if slapped. "Absolutely not!" she exclaimed. "There are, of course, subtle changes in demeanor, but we would not have built our civilization were we slaves to such base instincts. Try to think of it as us being a little more open-minded, more accepting of strangers in our midst, and more willing to forge new relationships. A small show of light teasing was their way of inviting you in, so to speak."

I closed my eyes and rested my forehead on my hand while I thought about it.

After a few seconds, I heard Luna take a deep breath and say, "I see that words may not be sufficient." I looked up in time to see her rise from her seat and gesture for me to follow. "Come with me. I will show you what I mean."

I followed the Princess through a passage under the stairs. I was about to ask where she was taking me when I caught a glimpse of what was in front of us.

My question was anticipated before I could even collect my thoughts. "You and I shall take a bath together."

I stood there in stunned silence. The word she used was 'bath', but 'swimming pool' was the first thing that came to my mind. At a rough guess, I'd put it at around a third of an Olympic-sized pool. Although, most swimming pools don't have steam rising from the surface in between mounds of soap bubbles.

The room that housed it was also rather impressive. The near side continued the 'Moon and Stars' decor that dominated Luna's bedroom. The far side bore a brighter, sunny look, and there was another entrance over there as well. Even the vaulted ceiling reflected the contrasting themes.

"This is the royal bath I share with my sister. It was built to be a gathering place for nobles and palace staff as well, but they have never shown much interest. You mentioned communal bathing to Celestia when you first awoke, therefore, I believe this will help me demonstrate my point."

"Which is?" I asked, growing more nervous by the second.

"That nakedness means nothing in this world." Luna was already in the water moving towards the other end. "Do not waste time. The water is fine, and you can easily stand on the bottom. If you have not joined me in two minutes, I will pull you in whether you are dressed or not."

It didn't help that her back was mostly turned. She was still walking at an angle, so her wings and tail didn't hide everything. As the water rose above her knees, I couldn't help but notice the curves of her body even more as she moved toward what I assumed was the deep end. It made it that much harder thinking about what I was going to do.

"And do not even think about running away," she called. "I have magically locked both entrances."

I took my only remaining option. A wet bedsheet not only wouldn't keep me warm, it would most likely no longer provide the desired level of concealment. As for the boxers, they don't do much good for hiding boners anyway, so getting them wet wouldn't help either. I found a conveniently located stone bench and discarded both. I just had to get in deep enough to crouch down before the gentle psycho turned around.

Luna must have taken my haste for eagerness, because when she did turn around, she just smirked at me.

'Or, she's just fucking with you, like the others were.'

At least the water was hot enough. "Alright, I'm in the damn water. Now will you tell me why we're doing this?"

She became serious once again. "As I said before, I intend to demonstrate that nudity and proximity need not result in carnal knowledge, as that seems to be your main concern given our appearance. But in our world, most ponies choose to forgo clothing, and because the clothing that exists does not fit our new forms, you will be surrounded by naked mares. There is no avoiding it unless you choose to isolate yourself in your guest room, never coming out and spending your entire time here bored and alone. Until we find a way to right the wrong we have committed against you, all we can do is provide you with food, water, and shelter. We bear no obligation to alter our society merely to appease your sensibilities."

"You didn't have to drag me in here just to say that," I pointed out.

"Indeed not. I wish to accomplish one other thing before I retire for the day."

I should note how difficult it is for a human male to maintain his bearing while sharing a bath with an alien princess given absurdly sexualized human features by unquantifiable forces. Not even I was capable of such a feat. I couldn't even maintain eye contact.

"I need your assistance with cleaning my wings." She lifted herself out of the water just enough to unfurl them, letting the water drain off the trailing edges. I'd never seen any of the winged ponies with their wings completely opened, and for once, I could take my eyes off the more feminine parts of her anatomy. At a rough guess, I'd put Luna's total wingspan just short of twenty feet. "In this body, I cannot reach the ends to properly straighten the feathers." She held out a strange brush-comb thing to emphasize her predicament before reaching over to hand it to me.

I suddenly found myself conflicted. On one hand, who did this pony think she was asking me to do favors like that for her? On the other hand, it would help distract from other parts of her body that may as well have had signs painted on saying, 'Your **** here.'

"But I don't know how to do this properly," I said, taking the offered feather-straightening device.

"Worry not. It is very simple. I shall guide you along the way."

"Is this even appropriate?"

"It carries no special meaning. My sister and I often preen each others wings, and many pegasi will do it for their friends as well."

I was skeptical, but I started where Luna pointed out on her left wing. The water wasn't an issue since it just ran straight off. All I had to do was align the feathers, and the preening brush (as Luna called it) made the task a one-pass job. I finished the left wing in just a few minutes despite the large span.

As I made my way over to do the right wing, Luna spoke up again. "What if I told you that allowing another to preen her wings is one of the most intimate gestures a pegasus could make?"

I paused a moment to consider what she said along with everything else I'd seen and heard this morning. "I'd say you're just fucking with me now," I finally decided before continuing to brush.

"Now you are learning," she sounded pleased. "Such gestures are significant only if you give them meaning."

"Then what's the intended meaning here?"

"That is for you to puzzle out on your own."

I looked up at her only to see the most impish grin on the dark Princess's face I'd seen so far. At my reaction, she lit up her horn and took the brush out of my hand, letting it hover in front of my face for a few seconds and then resuming the job of preening her wings with her magic instead. She closed her eyes and began humming a tune to herself.

I slowly backed away just in case she decided to demonstrate other 'meaningless' gestures.

"You are dismissed. I will see you again on this evening."

I didn't question it. I just got the hell out. Oddly, a towel that hadn't been there before sat next to my bedsheet and boxers. I dried myself off and got dressed (at least what passed for dressed around here) before making my way out.

I left Luna's room even more confused than I was when I walked in.