"We'll start at the Lake View Resorts." Twilight said as she led us through town, not taking her eyes from the book she levitated in front of her face.

"Oh, sounds majestic." Spark commented.

Twilight looked back at Spark and levitated the book over to him. "Oh, it is. Houses by Ponyville Lake with a beautiful view of the town. It's so wonderful, I'm sure you'd love it!"

Spark's eyes rolled across the pages of the book that floated in front of him.

"I'd imagine they're pretty pricey." I said as we continued walking.

The widening of Spark's eyes confirmed my inference. "Holy shit! Damn right they are!" He took the book out of the air from Twilight's magic and brought it over to me. "75,000 bits!"

I almost choked. "Now that is a lot of money."

As we were looking at it, a dark purple aura surrounded the book and it was brought over to Twilight.

"Yeah, probably not one of the most practical options, I guess." Twilight said with a nervous laugh, and continued to flip through the pages.

"Now, wait." Blaze spoke up. "Surely we could still at least go check out the houses. It won't hurt us to go see it, and I don't know about you guys, but I've never been in a fancy house before."

"Well, we could if you guys want to." Twilight said, stopping her trot and looking back at us.

Spark looked at me and shrugged. "Eh, why the fuck not. It'll kill some time."

"Finally, we get to do something I want for a change!" Blaze exclaimed, clapping his hooves together in excitement.

Twilight smiled. "So, off to the Lake View, then?" She asked.

"The votes were unanimous." I said with a smirk. "Lead the way."

Twilight rolled her eyes with a smile and began to trot down the street once again as the three of us followed. She continued looking through the book, searching for more house options.

"Oh, actually we could go see the Canter Hills housing edition, first. The homes there are very nice, and it's closer than the Lake View." Twilight suggested to us. She slowed her trot so she was walking along with us.

"Will we still check out the Lake View afterwards?" Blaze asked.

Twilight giggled. "Yes, we'll still go look at the Lake View."

"Then, it's fine by me." Blaze said with a smile.

"Sounds like a plan." Spark agreed. He looked to Blaze. "You think it'll have something that'll live up to our old house?" He asked.

"Literally anything will live up to our old house." Blaze said. "I'm sure it won't be that hard of a decision."

"Was your old house really that bad?" Twilight asked them.

"Worse." Spark said. "The wood was rotted all to hell and it was very poorly constructed."

"Yikes. Who did you buy it from?" Twilight asked.

"No one. I made it." Spark said. "That's why it was so shitty."

"He doesn't exactly have a PhD in construction." Blaze explained.

"That, and I'm fucking terrible with magic. By the time all that factored in, it was a literal piece of shit."

"Oh, come on, you can't be that bad with magic." Twilight said.

"Wanna bet?" He asked. His horn sparked light blue, and a weak aura enveloped Twilight's book. It floated around unsteadily, aimlessly jerking every which way and suddenly rocketing into Blaze's face, smacking against his snout, and dropping to the ground.

"Ow..." Blaze said, rubbing his snout.

"See?" Spark looked to Twilight.

Twilight levitated the book back over to her. "I see your point." She put it in her saddlebag. "Well, if you'd like, I could help you learn how to use your magic." She offered.

"Nah, I'm good. I'll learn eventually." Spark said.

"Are you sure?" Twilight asked. "It's hard to become better with magic without a teacher. You can trust me on that one."

"Yeah, let her teach you, Spark." Blaze added. "You're always complaining about how you suck at magic, now you don't have to suck as much."

"No, I'm not taking fucking magic lessons." Spark said insistently. He looked to Twilight. "Thanks for the offer, but I'm more of a teach myself guy."

"Well, alright. But if you ever change your mind, feel free to stop by the library." Twilight smiled.

"I'll keep that in mind." Spark said.

As we walked through town, Twilight, Spark, and Blaze continued talking, but I had tuned them out as I lost myself in thought.

Man, I've never been to this part of town before. I thought. This housing edition must be way on the other side. I can't believe I haven't even been all around Ponyville yet. Kind of odd, considering I would have given anything to be in the position I am now.

I looked to the sky and saw the familiar cloud house that I called home.

There's Dash's house. I say Dash's house, but I live there now, too. Is it my house as well? I did kind of only move in because I had nowhere else to go and it seems kind of stupid for me to get my own house if we're a couple. Eh, maybe I'll ask her later. I wonder what she's doing now. I wonder if she's thinking about me too. God, listen to me, I sound like a sappy love novel. I wonder if Spark or Blaze ever think about this. Especially Spark. It'd be great to see his thoughts about Pinkie Pie throughout the day. Although, on second thought, maybe it wouldn't. I can only imagine Spark's head is constantly filled with him fantasizing about God knows what. Maybe-

"Isn't that right, Flash?" Blaze's voice brought me back to reality as my thoughts vanished.

"Uh, what?" I asked stupidly.

"Spark acted so fake when he went out with Pinkie Pie the other day." Blaze said.

"Oh, uh, yeah." I said, though not fully aware of what I was agreeing to. I suddenly snapped out of my confusion and realized what Blaze was talking about. "Oh, yeah." I said, starting to chuckle lightly. "That was actually pretty funny to watch. I never thought you could ever be that nice."

"Hey, shut your fucking mouth. I was trying to create the illusion that I'm not an asshole." Spark defended.

"And how'd that work out for ya?" Blaze teased.

"Eh." Spark replied with diffidence.

Twilight smiled. "Well, from what it sounds like, pretending to be something you're not didn't help you too much."

"You got that right." Spark said. "She totally digs the real me better. If it wasn't for these two idiots coming along, I'd still be doing the whole douchebag-guy-with-a-guitar-sweet-talking-faggot act, and there's no way I'd be able to keep that shit up for long without killing myself."

"Well, I'm very glad it worked out for you two." Twilight smiled.

"I am too." Spark said, with a hint of meaning in his voice.

We continued walking for a little while longer until we came to a gate that said, "Welcome to Canter Hills! The next chapter of your life starts with us."

"Yuck, the welcoming sign already makes me want to hightail it the fuck out of here." Spark commented.

"Ah, give it a chance." I said, though even I was having doubts about the place, "It might be a nice place to live."

"Or it might be one of those annoyingly perfect friendly neighborhoods that make you want to blow your brains out." Spark said, losing all confidence in the place.

"Either way, let's hurry and check it out," Blaze said hastily, pushing Spark and I past the gate. "I wanna go look at the Lake View as soon as we can."

I heard Twilight chuckle from behind us as she followed us into the neighborhood. "You're very adamant about seeing the Lake View."

Blaze quit pushing us along, allowing us to walk on our own. "Sorry, I just really like looking at nice houses." He said, slowing up so Twilight could catch up to us. "I just find them really cool for some reason."

"Oh, I know how you feel." Twilight agreed. "I'm easily fascinated by architectural genius."

"You lost me at 'fascinated'." Spark said.

"Oh, uh, sorry." Her face flushed in embarrassment. "I just mean that well made houses amaze me as well."

"Ah." Spark said in an uncaring tone. "Well, you two marvel at the houses all you want, but I'm gonna look for somewhere to live." He started walking down the cobblestone road through the housing edition. I looked around the small neighborhood and immediately noticed something that would piss Spark off.

"It's all the fucking same!" He turned back toward us and pointed around. "The houses, the grass, the yards, it's all the goddamn same thing! It's like I stepped into a real life copy and pasted piece of SHIT!!!" He finished with loud yelling.

Called it. I thought with a smirk on my face.

"Well...It is a housing edition." Twilight said. "Generally, most of the homes are the same."

"But it's so...FUCK, I CAN'T STAND IT!!!" Spark shouted once more. "IT'S TOO PERFECT!!!"

"I'm surprised no pony has come out to see what's going on out here." I said to myself.

"So, you don't like it?" Twilight asked.

"Fuck no!" Spark quickly stormed past us and out of the gate of the neighborhood without another word.

I looked to Twilight. "Don't mind him," I said. "He just...likes to express his opinions...loudly."

"I can see that." She said with a bit of a surprised look on her face. "Oh, well. I'm sure we'll find a house that both of them will agree on."

I snickered. "Good luck with that."

We were interrupted when Blaze galloped past us and over to the gate. He turned toward us. "Come on! You heard the guy, we need to move on!" He turned back and galloped over to Spark, who was trying his best to cool off from his brief fit of rage.

"Well, time to go, I guess." I said, and motioned for Twilight to follow me over to the two idiots.

"Well, since those houses didn't exactly interest you guys," Twilight flipped through one of the books she brought, scanning the pages for what she wanted to find. "Next, we could go look at a house for sale at Hemlock Avenue."

"Anything is better than fucking Canter Hills." Spark said, obviously still a little irritated from the unparalleled order in the neighborhood.

"I thought we were going to see Lake View next." Blaze said.

"Ah, quit your whining, Blaze." Spark scolded. "We'll look at that last. We need to find an actual house for us first."

Blaze sighed. "Fine. I guess we can go to the next one." He said with a bit of a pout.

Spark just rolled his eyes as we continued along the way to Hemlock Avenue.

"So, what is your budget for this house?" Twilight asked Spark.

"About a thousand bits or less." He said.

"That's perfect! This next house will fit right in with what you're willing to pay." Twilight said excitedly.

"As long as there's nothing wrong with it, I'm game." Spark said.

"Oh no, this house is pretty nice. It's also rather new, so there's no damage that I know of." She said. "This might be the one."

"Hopefully," Spark said, "We've only been out for like twenty minutes and I'm already tired of house hunting. I'm ready to get it over with."

"Then we can go see Lake View?" Blaze asked, bringing himself into the conversation.

Twilight giggled. "Yes, Blaze, then we can go see Lake View."

"Finally!" He smiled happily, trotting along with us as we headed for what would hopefully be our last stop.

We eventually entered into parts of Ponyville that were familiar to me, and I looked to the sky, losing myself in thought once more.

Hmm, it's getting close to the evening. I wonder if this is going to take much longer. Oh, well, I don't have much to do anyway. Dash probably won't be back until later. I have time to kill. I just hope that-

"Oh, hi, Rarity!" Twilight greeted a familiar white mare, bringing me back to reality once again. I looked ahead to see Twilight talking to a smiling Rarity.

"Well, hello, darling!" She greeted back. She looked over Twilight's shoulder, her ears lowering a bit at the sight of me. "Hello, White Flash." She said halfheartedly.

"Hey, Rarity." I waved. Why was she always so...sad when she's around me?

She looked over to see Blaze and Spark, and her mood instantly changed.

"Hello, there." She walked over to them, smiling elegantly. "I am Rarity. And you are?"

"Spark," Spark said. He pointed to Blaze. "And this little faggot is Blaze. Say hi, Blaze."

"Hi." Blaze said a little quietly.

"It's very nice to meet you both." She smiled. She turned back to Twilight. "So, Twilight, what are you guys up to?"

"Well, White Flash and I were helping Blaze and Spark find a new place to live. Their house recently took a turn for the worst, and they're homeless."

"Oh, you poor dears." Rarity turned back to them. "I'm so terribly sorry, that must be awful."

"The house was a piece of shit anyway." Spark said simply. "I'm actually happy we're getting an upgrade."

"Oh...well, I guess that's good." Rarity said a little awkwardly.

"Very good." Spark agreed. There were a few moments of empty silence between the five of us until Rarity cleared her throat in the most petite way possible.

"Well, I can tell you four are very busy," She said. "I'll just let you get back to your search for a new home, and I wish you the best of luck."

"Thanks." Spark said. And with that, Rarity trotted off, not saying another word to me or Twilight.

What is her deal? She acts so...awkward whenever she's around me. I'll have to visit her some time and ask her about it.

"Well, that was a fucking train wreck." Spark said. "Is she always that socially inept?" He asked Twilight.

"No, not at all." She said. "There must have been something bothering her. I can't imagine what, though."

Spark shrugged. "Ah, well. Let's get back to checking out that Hemlock Avenue house."

"Alright, then." Twilight said, a little puzzled by the encounter, and continued the way to Hemlock Avenue. As Twilight led us through town, Spark dropped back to Blaze and I.

"So, I'll be honest." Blaze whispered to us, "I don't really like Rarity all that much."

"Oh yeah, she's a fucking bitch. I've always hated her." Spark said, not even bothering to lower his voice.

I shrugged. "She's alright. Not my top three, but not bad, either."

Spark looked at me. "I appreciate your opinion, but it's fucking wrong." He said. "She's easily the worst pony."

"No, that's Applejack." Blaze argued.

"Are you kidding?" Spark asked, "She's, like, second best!"

"Nah, I'm sorry but I hate anything that has to do with anything southern." Blaze said.

Spark sighed. "You're fucking awful." He turned to me. "What about you? Who's worst on your list?"

"Oh, uh, well, I guess-"

"We're here!" Twilight smiled back at us. We all looked up to see the house we were stopped at.

The house itself didn't look much different from most of the houses in Ponyville, except it was a little bigger. Spark walked up to it and gave an approving nod.

"Looks good so far." He said, walking over to the front door. I wasn't sure why, but for some reason, this house seemed very familiar...

"Hey, Flash, this is the house where you found out I was a hum-" I quickly grabbed Blaze and covered his mouth with my hoof. It's a good thing I already knew what he was going to say before it happened. We looked up to see Spark looking back at us with a death stare. I uncovered Blaze's maw, only for him to mouth the word 'sorry' to Spark.

"What was that?" Twilight asked, looking over to Blaze and I.

Quick! Think of something!

"He, uh, was about to say that this is where I found out he was a, uh..." I stammered.

"Humerus donor!"
"Humanitarian worker!"
"Humongous faggot!"

All three of us finished my sentence simultaneously, rewarding us with an addled look from Twilight.

"You're a...what?" She asked in a confused tone.

"A humerus donor."
"A humanitarian worker."
"A humongous faggot. Like, just a complete faggot."

She tilted her head in utter confusion.

"Okay, he's a humanitarian worker that has donated a part of his humerus to a dying hospital patient, but he's also the biggest faggot you'll ever meet." Spark said, hoping to clear her confusion with his weak explanation.

"Yeah! What he said!" I agreed with a nervous smile.

"Well, um, okay then." Twilight decided to go with what Spark said and run with it. "Well, do you guys still want to check out this house, or...?"

"Oh, fuck yeah!" Spark opened the front door and held it long enough for Twilight to step inside. When Blaze was about to walk in, Spark stopped him for a brief moment. He put his hoof on Blaze's shoulder, looked him dead in the eye and said,

"You're a fucking dumbass." and he lightly smacked him over the head with his hoof, allowing him to pass through the doorway.

As I walked past Spark into the house, he said, "Nice cover up."

"You too." I said, and I heard him close the door behind me.

Looking at the house from the inside left no question in my mind that this was indeed the house that I was originally going to buy, and it was also the house where I found out Blaze was a human after my flawless 'cupcakes' method. It still looked the same as it did nearly a week ago, with a fireplace, tiled kitchen, and a second floor with two bedrooms.

"This place is fucking nice." Spark said with a whistle. "How much did you say this costs?" He turned to Twilight.

"One thousand bits." Twilight replied.

"Fuck. We only have seven hundred." Spark cursed.

"Hmm..." Twilight thought. "Either you could maybe get somepony to let you stay with them until you get the money, or you could try to convince the seller to bring the price down. I'm not sure if the latter would work, but it's worth a shot."

"True." Spark said. "I'm a master of persuasion, so I should be able to do that with no problem."

" 'Master' is a bit of an overstatement." Blaze said, still rubbing the back of his head from where Spark hit him.

"Nah, I can totally get anyone to do whatever the fuck I want them to." He looked to me. "Hey, Flash, mind coming over for a sec?"

I walked over to him. "Yeah?"

"See? What'd I tell you?" He said to Twilight. "Master."

I facehoofed while Twilight chuckled. "I see your point." She said. "You can go ahead and try, you might get lucky."

"Oh, I don't need luck." Spark said. "Where is this motherfucker? I wanna buy this shit!"

"Well...I'm actually not sure." She said, looking around. "She's usually around the house somewhere, and I haven't seen her lately."

"Well, fuck! Now what?" Spark asked.

"We could go look at Lake View for a little bit and come back later to see if she's here then." Twilight suggested.

"I like that idea." Blaze said.

Spark huffed. "Fine. Let's go to fucking Lake View."

"Hurray!" Blaze cheered, and almost tripped over himself as he ran out the door.

"And there he goes." I said, watching the door slam behind him.

"Goddamn faggot." Was all Spark could say as he made his way out the door, followed by Twilight. I took one last look at the interior of the house before I walked out as well.

As I walked outside, I looked to the sky and noticed that the sky was starting to grow a bright orange color from the setting sun.

Must be getting late.

I looked ahead to see my three companions on their way to Lake View, when Blaze suddenly looked back.

"Flash? Aren't you coming?" He asked, stopping the group.

"Uh, nah." I said, waving him off. "You guys go on without me. I'm gonna head on home, it's getting a little late."

Spark looked up at the sky. "Wish I had a fucking home to head to."

"Don't go so soon," Blaze said. "At least-" Spark stopped Blaze in his tracks.

"Nah, Blaze. It's okay, let him go." Spark gave me a nod that said 'I got you, bro'. He knew what I was thinking about. It's great to have friends like Spark.

"Why? What do-?" Blaze tried to interject.

"Don't fucking worry about it, Blaze. Say bye bye to Flash and let's go." Spark defended.

Blaze sighed. "Fine. See ya, Flash." He said without interest.

"See ya, Blaze." I smirked. I looked to Spark and returned his nod. He responded with a salute and a look of respect. I turned to Twilight. "You think you can handle these two by yourself, Twilight?" I asked her.

She chuckled. "It should be no problem. I think I've learned how to tame them by now." She said jokingly. "I'll see you around, Flash."

"See you, Twilight." I waved, and to Blaze's joy, the group continued on their way to Lake View.

I smiled, and started on my way back home. My face instantly lit up and my heart started racing as I remembered what was waiting for me at the house. I couldn't get there fast enough.

Author's Notes:

Longish chapter, hurray! Hope you guys enjoy. And don't worry, there won't be any clop next chapter, so no need to get your hopes up for another terribly written sex scene.