“Remind me again. Why am I doing this?”

Twilight rolled her eyes and huffed in annoyance. “I told you. Princess Celestia requested a written record of recent events for the Archives. With the whole revelation about Equestrian humans being intelligent as well as the fiasco with the Terran humans, she felt it would be in everypony’s best interest to have a report detailing all the events that transpired over the past year.”

“Yeah yeah yeah, I got that part.” With a groan, I collapsed into the desk chair. Setting the cane aside, I massaged my leg, trying to work the kink and soreness out of it. “I just don’t get why she wants me to write it. Doesn’t she have a pony that would be better suited for this?”

“She does, and Crimson Quill is currently in the process of interviewing various ponies of interest,” Twilight said, walking up beside me. Stacks of papers floated in her magic, and she carefully placed them at the top of the writing desk, making sure that each stack remained neat and straight. “However, since most of those are in Canterlot, and given your unique circumstances, the Princess thought it would best if you wrote about your own experiences.”

Resting an elbow on the writing desk, I leaned on my hand and frowned at her. “Okay, but we still have a problem. I’m not a writer.”

“I’m sure you’ll do perfectly fine,” Twilight said as she magicked over several eagle quills and full ink wells.

“Compared to a professional, it’s going to read like shit. Probably have lots of errors too.”

“Crimson Quill has a team of editors and proofreaders that look over her work. I’m sure she’ll have them touch it up before she includes it with her own report,” Twilight countered. “You’re providing a… rough draft, so to speak.”

I rubbed my forehead. “I don’t even know where to start.”

“From the beginning of course!” Twilight chirped. She finished arranging the items on the desk before lifting my hand in her magic and placing a quill in between my fingers. “There! That should be everything you need to get started. Now, I need to step out and pick some stuff up from the marketplace, but I shouldn’t be too long. You just concentrate on getting started, and I’ll bring you some lunch later, okay?” Without waiting for an answered, she turned and trotted off.

“Nobody’s going to want to read this shit!” I called after her, but she didn’t turn. Waiting for a few seconds, I then slumped back in the chair and sighed. “Stupid ponies, trying to make me write and shit. Probably complain about the quality and content.” My brow furrowed. “Oooh, they better not bitch about how long I take either.”

Falling silent, I twirled the quill around in my hands while I stared out the window just about the desk. Twilight had opened it earlier to allow some fresh air in. Even now, a warm breeze was creeping in, ruffling through my hair and bring with it the smell of spring.

I watched as ponies on the other side went about their days—mares and stallions shopping, working, and chatting while foals raced up and down the flower-lined streets. Pegasi zipped by overhead, dragging clouds around as they went about with their weather duties. Off in the distance, there was a group of humans gathered around the fountain.

A soft click drew my attention as the front door closed. A moment later, I heard Twilight through the window, greeting passersby as she trotted into town. She glanced back as she walked, and upon seeing my watching her, gave me a warm smile before moving around the corner of a building and being lost to sight. I continued to stare at the point where she had disappeared, my eye not really seeing what it was staring at—I was too lost in thought.

I stayed that way for several minutes before a loud thud from the basement brought me back. Turning my head slightly, I listened to the soft ruckus that was coming from below, but I couldn’t make out what was going on. Judging by the laughter I was hearing though, I assumed it was nothing bad.

They’re a bit louder than normal today, I thought as another thud sounded, this one making the floor vibrate slightly. A tittering chirp came from behind me, and spinning around in the chair, I eyed Pyresteed. She was asleep, lying strewn out on the floor in a patch of sunlight. Her hair was about her face in a messy halo-like tangle, and her shirt was pulled up over her stomach. Doing my best to ignore the fact she still wasn’t wearing any pants or underwear or something, I instead watch as her chest rose and fell gently with each breath.

There came another vibration from below, and she stirred slightly. Her brow furrowed, and her head rolled about for a moment before she settled down again.

Note to self… get her a bed as soon as possible, I told myself as I swiveled back around to face the desk. Eyeing the blank piece of paper situated in the center of the table, I hummed. “From the beginning, huh? Alright… let’s see…” Uncorking one of the ink wells, I inked up the quill and placed the tip against the top of the page.

‘In a hole in the ground there lived a hobbit. Not a nasty, dirty, wet hole, filled with the ends of worms and an oozy smell, nor yet a dry, bare, sandy hole with nothing in it to sit down on or to eat: it was a hobbit-hole, and that means comfort.’

I paused, staring down at the words for a few seconds before a smirk threatened to spread across my face. Tapping my fingers on the desk, I tried to hold in my laughter.

“We’ll save that for a later date,” I chuckled as I slide the page off to the side. Picking up a fresh piece of paper, I smoothed it out and picked up the quill again. After making sure it had enough ink on it, I placed tip to parchment again and, with a flourish, began to write. It looked like chicken scratch, but the words were still there.

‘The smell of grease filled my nostrils as I leaned over the hot grill. Sweat dripped from my brow as I hurried to remove the finished meat, placing it its proper tray. Throwing the grease-covered spatula on the top of the grill, I walked over and shoved the meat-filled tray into the heated slot with the other meat. After setting the timer, I turned my attention back to the grill...’

Author's Notes:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QUAItQmq-LU

Well, this is it. I can't believe it. It feels like a lifetime ago that I put pen to paper and began writing the prologue. And how it has grown. I never once thought, when I first published this monstrosity, that it would go on for as long as it did... or get as popular as it did.

I still don't understand it.

To say this story was a joy to write would be an understatement. To say it was a pain to write would be one as well. These past years have been filled with ups and downs, cliches and tropes, hatred and love (and a whole lot of booze). I know there is a lot of things this story did wrong, but I hope that it did a few things right in the end.

I'm not the best writer by any means, but I'd like to believe that I have improved over the course of this story. I'd like to thank everyone who was willing to give me a chance, who gave me honest critique and helped me improve my writing, and who were willing to help make this story what it is today. To Malefactory, Captain Croissandwhich, Tired Old Man, Katherine Kerensky, Aussie Hard-Dick, Holy Macintosh, and many, many others who helped edit this story (through google docs, the comment section, or private messages).

I'm sure there's stuff I'm forgetting. I'm sure that other authors have something profound at the ends of their stories. I've never been real big on that, so I guess I'll just stick with another thank you. To everyone who came along for the ride, and the comments that kept me going.

Thank you all for taking time out of your lives to read this horrible excuse for literature I vandalized the site with.

Until next time and the next story...

Your Human and You
20th Jun 2013 — 28th Feb 2019

So long, and thanks for all the laughs.