Poke.

Poke.

Poke.

You know, you’d think I’d probably be used to this kinda thing by now, I mused silently to myself as I dangled upside down in the air, a purple unicorn prodding me gently in the side while I spun in slow circles. Her violet eyes studied me curiously, her head tilted to the side in a cute manner as she watched me spin.

Poke.

Poke.

Poke.

Nearby, a light blue pegasus hovered in the air, her wings flapping lazily. Her mane and tail were a gorgeous rainbow hue, each color blending into the next. Her eyes watched me with suspicion, her front legs crossed in front of her chest. You know, the range of flexibility these ponies have never ceases to amaze me.

Poke.

Poke.

Poke.

A small purple and green lizard stared up at me, its mouth agape. Its eyes were as wide as saucers, a look of wonder on its face. Or was it fear? Confusion? I couldn’t tell. I didn’t have much time to study his expression before I spun around again and my back was to it.

Poke.

Poke.

Poke.

Okay...this is getting old rather quickly. I would swat at the little, annoying purple pony, but my hands were still bound by rope. I was surprised that my wrists weren’t rubbed raw yet, with how long I had the ropes around my wrists. Instead, I took to glaring at the unicorn every time I spun in her direction. Unfortunately, it didn’t seem to work.

Poke.

Poke.

Poke.

This process went on for a few more seconds; the unicorn poking me, the pegasus glaring at me in suspicion, and the purple lizard just standing there, gaping up at me. I was forced to hang there, spinning slowly, and take it.

Finally, the poking stopped, and the unicorn put her hoof back down on the ground. She leaned back, tilting her head the other way as she continued to stare up at me. The pegasus blew part of her rainbow mane out of her eyes before zipping over to her friend’s side. At least, I’m assuming they were friends.

“Why the buck would Princess Celestia send you a human?” she asked, her eyes still boring into me, although it wasn’t as icy as before.

"I don’t know,” the unicorn said, her face scrunching up in confusion. If the situation was different, I might actually find it a little cute. “Maybe her letter will explain more.” Her horn glowed brighter as a scroll with a golden seal rose up in front of her. With me still dangling upside down like a piñata, she broke the seal, unrolled the parchment and began to read.

As her eyes darted across the page, taking in what was written there, I took the time to study my new environment. The new room I found myself in was completely circular in shape, although some parts of the walls jutted out creating corners and edges. The walls, ceiling, and floor were all made out of wood. Some parts of the walls had what appeared to be bookshelves carved out of them. There were also regular bookshelves placed in one part of the room. Hundreds of books filled every nook and cranny. It reminded me of a library.

A staircase ran along the wall, heading up to a second floor balcony that had more bookshelves carved into the walls. There were also doors positioned all along the balcony as well, indicating that there were more rooms that were hidden from view. Another staircase ascended further up, meaning that there were even more floors above what I could see. The place looked weird, almost like the entire structure was carved out of the same piece of wood. As I spun around again, I caught sight of a tree branch outside of one of the window. Only, it wasn’t pointing towards the window, but away from it. It was almost as if…

My eyes widened as realization finally hit me. I glanced around quickly again, confirming my suspicions. This entire place is inside of a tree! We’re in a carved-out tree! The tree in question must have been huge; the entire place was about the same size as an average house back home.

Either that, or it was bigger on the inside.

I was broken out of my stunned stupor by the sound of the unicorn clearing her throat. My back was currently towards her, so I couldn’t see her expression, but I could still hear her when she spoke.

“Apparently, this human caught Princess Celestia’s eye, and she thought that it would make a fine gift for me. She said to think of it as…” There was a slight pause, followed by a rustling noise. As I spun to look at her, I saw that she was looking back at the letter. “..to think of it as a belated gift for my ascension to the position of Princess.” I shot her an incredulous look before my body turned again and she was lost from view. This annoying pony, who had just spent the last fifteen minutes poking me in the side was a princess?! You have got to be shitting me! What do they do, give out the position to anyone they like?

“His name, as indicated by the handler she purchased him from, is Max, although I may change that if I want. They don’t know his actual age, but he appears to be in fine health,” she continued, her eyes slowly moving down the scroll as she took in each detail. As I turned to face the pegasus, I saw that she was floating lazily on her back, a bored look on her face. “He hasn’t shown any sign of aggression, and has actually shown signs of compassion towards his handler.” She went to put the letter down, but stopped when something else on it caught her eye.

“Oh, it also says that he may be somewhat of an escape artist,” she said. This caused the pegasus to perk up slightly. Flipping around in the air, she hovered over to the unicorn and looked over her shoulder.

“What do you mean by that?” she asked.

“Apparently he tried to escape from the princess several times,” the unicorn replied.

“That’s kinda funny, actually,” the pegasus said, a smirk spreading across her face. It disappeared, however, when she shot me an inquisitive look. “Why does the princess think you need a human, though?”

“It says here that she believes it will test my skills at dealing with stress, as well as less intelligent creatures.”

“So, the human is supposed to be some kind of test?” The pegasus seemed to have said some sort of keyword, for the unicorn instantly tensed up. Her pupils seemed to shrink in size and her ears stood up straight. Her right eye seemed to develop a nasty twitch and a look of pure apprehension began to spread across her face. Upon seeing this, the pegasus backpedaled quickly. “Relax, Twilight. I doubt it’s something as serious as that. The princess wouldn’t do that to you,” she said, waving her hooves frantically in front of her. The unicorn closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and seemed to calm down, if only slightly. She still seemed kind of tense, however. She must hold Princess Celestia’s opinion in high regards.

“You’re right, Rainbow,” the newly named Twilight said, her voice shaking slightly. She took another deep breath, breathing out slowly. “She did say he was just a gift, after all.”

“So, this thing is going to be living with us now?” the lizard asked, looking up at Twilight in fear. My eye twitched slightly when he called me a ‘thing’. Great, I thought, rolling my eyes when my back was to the trio. Not only can lizard-boy talk, but he apparently doesn’t like humans that much.

“It looks that way, Spike,” Twilight replied. Spike glanced between me and Twilight, horrified. “Oh, don’t look like that, Spike,” Twilight chided softly after seeing his fearful expression. “It’s not like he’s going to eat you.” Despite Twilight’s best attempts to ease the situation, Spike continued to look fearfully at me. Twilight sighed heavily.

“I'll tell you what,” she said as she nuzzled the side of Spike’s head. “You run into the kitchen and grab yourself a bowl of ice cream from the freezer, then head up to bed. I’ll be right behind you shortly.” The lizard’s face lit up instantly and he scampered across the room towards a door that I assumed led to the kitchen. He was pretty eager to get out of the same room as me.

I watched him go with a little sadness in my heart. Not because he didn’t like me; I couldn't care less what the little talking lizard thought about me. No, it was the nuzzle that Twilight had given to him before he left. It had reminded me of the way Sunny had nuzzled my head back at the palace. It had only been a couple of hours ago, but it felt like a lifetime right now.

Spike emerged from the other room, a small bowl clasped in his claws. Quickly hurrying up the stairs, he shot one last glance down at me. I rotated enough to look him directly in the eye before he disappeared from view. All I could see in his eyes, was fear.

Well, at least I won’t have to worry about him, I mused, slowly turning so my back was once more towards the stairs. If he was scared of me, it was likely that he would try to avoid me as much as possible. After the lizard—I mean Spike—had disappeared up the stairs, the two mares began to talk again. The pegasus, revealed to be named Rainbow, flew up to me and began to circle with me, matching my speed. Her eyes roamed my body as she took in everything.

Yes, I do mean everything. I could feel her eyes lingering on a certain part of my body for a bit longer than totally necessary. A small blush slowly spread across her face, her eyes narrowing slightly as a smirk formed on her face.

“You know,” she said slowly, her eyes still locked on her target. “The princess knows how much you tend to overwork yourself, and she must know how much stress you’ve been under lately. Maybe she sent him as a way to help you relieve some of that stress, if you know what I mean,” she grinned, turning to the unicorn and wiggling her eyebrows suggestively. Out of the corner of my eyes I saw Twilight’s face light up bright red, with a pair of lavender wings popping out from her sides. My eyebrows shot up at that, a blush of my own on my face.

Both wings and a horn? She’s just like Celestia, I thought as my body slowly rotated enough to give me a better look. Apparently she is a princess. Twilight sputtered, staring up at Rainbow with horror and embarrassment.

“R-Rainbow Dash! Th-that... that’s just... n-no! Just no…” she stammered, her eyes wide, her blush intensifying. Rainbow Dash just hovered in the air, laughing her ass off. How she was still in the air while laughing like that mystified me. I had to give her props though, it was pretty funny, even if it was initially at my own expense. If this was under any other circumstances, I would probably get along well with this perverted prankster, but as it was, I really didn’t like the position I was in.

“Geez, Twilight,” Rainbow gasped, finally getting her laughter under control. “That was too easy!” Before Twilight could respond, the pegasus zipped over to a window. Opening it, she waved to Twilight as she zoomed off into the growing dark, shouting back over her shoulder, “Okay, Twi. It’s been fun, but I’m really exhausted from today’s adventure, and I have to get up early tomorrow for weather duty, so I’m gonna go catch some z’s! See ya later!” With that, she was gone in a flash of rainbow, leaving just me and Twilight to ourselves.

Silence filled the room as both of us just stared at each other. Both of our faces were red; hers from embarrassment, mine from both embarrassment and from the blood slowly rushing to my head as I hung there, upside down. Our staring match finally ended when Twilight yawned, and I spun around again.

"Ugh, Dash was right. Dealing with basilisks is tiring work. I should really head to bed as well.” Looking me over one last time, she slowly began to lower me to the floor. “Let’s get you settled in first for right now, and I’ll deal with this tomorrow.” Released from her magic, I collapsed unceremoniously onto the ground. As I sat up, I became aware that Twilight had taken a hold of the leash attached to my collar. "Let’s find a place to tie you up for the night,” she said to me, trying to stifle another yawn. I did nothing but sit there, unwilling to move. It really didn’t matter to me what she did, or where she put me; I already had a plan.

It doesn’t matter where you stick me, the first chance I get I’m taking this collar off and making a run for it. No point in sticking around here longer than I have to.

“Oh, but first, let’s get your new collar on!” My body tensed at her words, my heart skipping a beat.

New... collar? I watched as Twilight shifted around in the crate for a second before pulling out a collar. I blinked in surprise. I didn’t even know that was in there.

The first collar was immediately removed from around my neck with a flash of magic, only to be replaced by a new, more comfortable collar. Unlike the first one that Sunny had put on me, which was nothing more than metal and leather, this new one was made of a sturdy plastic material that had a comfortable fleece lining. The plastic part was the same color as Twilight’s coat, maybe a bit darker. It had a golden tag attached to it, but I couldn’t read what was etched onto the surface.

I didn’t really care, however; a collar’s a collar either way. Once Twilight went to bed, it was coming off and I was running for it.

Twilight latched the leash onto the new collar and smiled, satisfied with her work.

“There, that looks lovely,” she said as she began to lead me towards one of the nearby doors. As it opened, I saw what looked like a flight of stairs descending into the dark depths of the earth.

Great, she’s shoving me into the basement, I thought, trying to suppress a snort of annoyance.

We headed down the steps and I found myself in another circular room, this one filled with odd machines, boxes of books and papers, and other odd knick-knacks. A tarp covered something large along the far wall, dust slowly collecting on the blue surface. There were no windows down here; the only light was coming from a flickering bulb hanging from the center of the ceiling. There was what appeared to be a closet carved into the wall, filled with various cleaning supplies. The whole place felt cramped.

Leading me to a clearing on the floor, Twilight hooked my leash onto the wall. Pulling some dusty blankets out of a nearby box, she shook them out before arranging them on the floor near me. I sneezed several times as the dust cloud floated in front of me. When she finished, she turned to look at me. Her eyes fell upon my bound hands and a small frown flashed across her face. Screwing up her face in concentration, her horn began to glow brightly. There was a flash of light, and the ropes around my wrists fell to the floor. I just stared down at my now free arms, flexing my fingers. They had been bound since I was first picked up in the desert. They had been on so long that it now felt weird to finally have my arms free again.

Satisfied with her work, Twilight headed back up the stairs, talking to herself as she walked.

“That should be good enough for now. We’ll take care of everything else tomorrow.” Yawning, she reached the top of the stairs, turned off the light, and closed the door behind her as she left, plunging me into total darkness.

I stood there, rubbing my wrists, unable to see. Much to my discomfort, it seemed my wrists didn’t get away unscathed. They were sore and felt raw. Pain flared up whenever my hand ran over a particularly tender spot. I continued to massage my wrists as I waited there in the dark for my eyes to adjust. I'll give them a little bit to fall asleep before I make my escape.

After waiting for what felt like twenty minutes, I finally moved. Reaching up to my neck, I gingerly felt around the collar, searching for the latch. My fingers found nothing but smooth plastic. The was no latch anywhere on the collar. I ran my hands all along the collar for a second and third time, searching for some way to remove it. There was nothing there. How the hell did she get it on me? I thought as I tugged fruitlessly at the collar. It was too small to slip up over my head, and there was no buckle to unclasp.

I’m beginning to hate magic! I snarled in disgust, pulling on the collar with all my might. It didn't’ budge and all I managed to do was dig the plastic into the back of my neck. Giving up on getting the collar off, I instead turned my attention to the leash. Running my hand around the collar again, I found where the leash and the collar met. Fiddling around with my fingers, I attempted to remove the leash from the collar itself. However, there was nothing there for me to play with; the leash appeared to be magically connected to the collar.

Groaning, I then moved my hand up the leash, following the rope to where it was attached to the wall. If the collar wouldn’t come off, and the leash couldn’t be removed from the collar, then I would just have to take it all with me. My hand eventually hit the wall and I froze.

Th-this can’t be happening. The leash seemed to blend flawlessly into the wall of the basement. There was no latch, nail or screw it was attached to. Hell, there wasn’t even a knot to untie. It was like the leash was originally part of the wall itself.

This can’t be happening! Panic began to grip me as I realized with a sinking feeling that I was stuck. There was no way for me to get free. If I couldn’t get the collar or leash off, there was no way that I could make an escape. I was now stuck here, in this basement, inside of this bloody tree, with a goddamn talking pony. There was no way I was leaving without Twilight’s help.

I groaned and slammed my back against the wall. Sliding to the floor, I rested my head on my knees, wrapping my arms around my legs. I just couldn’t take it anymore, and I broke down and cried.

Alone, in the darkness of the basement, I slowly cried myself to sleep.

I was back home, on Earth. I was back home, safe and sound in my house. No ponies or collars or leashes or cages or magic. Everything was as it should be; normal and mundane. I was happy; I was content.

Surrounded by my friends and family in my basement, I smiled and laughed as we told jokes and stories to each other. We enjoyed each others' company as we ate and drank, not a care in the world.

Nothing could possibly ruin this moment, I thought as I raised a plastic cup to my mouth, a large smile on my face. I had just taken a sip when there came a knocking on the front door. Placing the cup onto the coffee table, I stood from the couch and walked up the stairs to the door. I opened it, a smile on my face as I prepared to greet whoever was behind it. I blinked in surprise, however, when I saw that no one was there.

Only the howling Dark.

With a wordless howl, the Darkness burst through the doorway, tearing at my clothes and limbs, grabbing my arms and legs as it attempted to pull me out of my home, my safe haven. I struggled desperately, grabbing the door frame as I fought for my life. I heard my friends’ screams and shouts as they rushed to my aid. Grabbing me, they attempted to pull me back into the safety of the house.

The Darkness didn’t like this turn of events.

A piercing scream rent the air as the Darkness lashed out, striking my friends down. It immediately set upon them, tearing their skin off as one would do to clothing. Their blood curdling screams filled my ears as I watched in horror. The Darkness continued to claw at their bodies, tearing them to pieces before my very eyes.

Not satisfied with simply tearing them limb from limb, the Darkness continued to manipulate my friend’s bodies. Slowly, it began to piece them back together, only they didn’t look remotely human anymore.

They were being reassembled as ponies! I cried in terror as I watched them being transformed into those gruesome things; there was nothing I could do to help.

The Darkness finally released them, but the damage was already done. My once human friends were now ponies. Their bodies looked demonic, skinless and bloody. Bones jutted from their bodies at odd angles. Blood oozed from their sightless eyes, red streaks spreading down their cheeks. Turning towards me, they glared at me with a hungry look, hatred on their faces. As they slowly advanced towards me, so too did the Darkness.

I tried to get to my feet and run, but my legs were not responding. I was frozen in place, almost as if I had been turned to stone. Unable to run, unable to defend myself, I simply stood there and wept. Crouching down, the demonic ponies launched themselves at me, howling like wolves. I screamed as their teeth sunk into my flesh. I fell backwards into the waiting ocean of Darkness.

I couldn’t move, couldn’t see, couldn’t breathe. I was trapped in the Darkness, surrounded by the screams of thousands of tortured souls. I was dying, and there was nothing I, nor anyone else, could do about it.

As my life slowly left my body, a voice whispered in my ear. It sounded tired and weak, as if it had lived a great many years.

“Please… help… them…”

I lurched awake, breathing heavily, sweat dripping down my face. Sitting up quickly, I tossed the dusty blankets off of me, my eyes darting around the room. It was still dark, but I could just make out the surrounding objects.

I was still in Twilight’s cluttered basement. There was no Darkness, no tortured souls, no ponies. Okay, no demonic ponies. It was just a nightmare.

I swallowed, running my hand though my medium-length hair, trying to calm my thundering heart. Wiping sweat from my brow, I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. As I sat there in the dark, the sound of hooves reached my ears. They grew louder, and the basement door was flung open, light cascading down upon me. Shielding my eyes with my hand, I squinted up towards the door, cursing whoever it was that brought the light. Twilight appeared, humming happily to herself as she trotted down the stairs. Reaching the bottom, she hurried over to me, a smile plastered on her face. Great, she’s one of those people. Fucking early birds…

“Good morning, Max! Did you sleep well?” she asked, her horn lighting up as she removed the leash from the wall. It came out of the wall with a soft slurping noise, as if the wall itself was made out of a liquid.

“Ready for some breakfast?” she asked, her voice still annoyingly chipper. I lowered my head and just sat there, my eyes closed tight. Unlike "Ms. Happy Pants" here, I was not a morning person. I detested mornings with a fiery passion. I preferred the nighttime. The stars, the cool gentle caress of a nighttime breeze, the fireflies floating by lazily. Nighttime was the best.

I groaned as Twilight started to tug on the leash, trying to convince me to move. She wanted me to start my day; I just wanted her to leave so I could go back to sleep. Unfortunately, it didn’t look like that was going to be an option.

The tugging persisted until I finally stood up. My eyes still closed tight, fighting off the barrage of light coming from the open basement door. I followed Twilight up the stairs, using her tugs on the leash to guide me along. I stumbled several times, but was able to get up the stairs without falling flat on my face.

I didn’t open my eyes again until we were in the kitchen. Squinting out of one eye, I glanced around the room. Spike was already sitting at the table, a large bowl of cereal in front of him. When I entered, he looked over at me with a fearful expression on his face. I ignored him and the table completely. Instead, I made my way to a corner and collapsed into it, my back wedged into the corner.

I had just started to drift off once more when I was interrupted by a light tapping on the side of my leg. Growling softly, I cracked open an eye and glanced down. A bowl of diced apples floated beside me, encased in a pink aura. Every couple of seconds it would bump against my leg. I stared at it for a moment, not having the motivation to reach out a grab it. The tapping increased in both tempo and force, as apparently Twilight became more and more frustrated. I chanced a quick glance over in her direction and saw her eating her own breakfast, looking at me with an annoyed expression on her face.

Eventually, a loud growl emanated from my stomach, causing both Twilight and Spike to flinch. With that, I reach out and snatched the bowl out of her magic. I slowly began to eat, not really tasting the apples as my mind was still hazy in my half-asleep state. As my jaw worked on auto-pilot, I stared blankly into space, trying to get my brain working. With my escape attempt last night foiled by the goddamn magic collar and leash, I was having to rework my plans. Hopefully there would be more chances to escape later on today.

I froze, a piece of apple halfway to my mouth, my face scrunched up slightly in confusion. Why the hell am I so hellbent on escaping? Shouldn’t I be working on showing them I’m intelligent?

Because, whispered the voice in the back of my head, you don’t know what they’d do to you if they found out what you are. They might just deem it in everyone’s best interest to have you killed.

Please, I thought, popping another slice of apple into my mouth. If the government got a hold of something unknown, especially a possible alien, they would do everything in their power to protect and study it. They would want to keep it alive! If I offer to help them, they’ll probably help me as well. That’s how it works.

Maybe back home, the voice countered. But in case you haven’t noticed yet, we aren’t exactly on Earth anymore. We don’t know what these ponies do to the unknown.

They seem fairly nice, I argued weakly, chewing slowly. This seemed to make the voice laugh.

Remember those two weeks of hell?

I sat there, chewing my food as I silently argued with myself. The more I tried to push for revealing myself, the more my inner voice countered. When it finally mentioned that the best way they could possibly study me efficiently was via a lobotomy, I decided that I should probably play stupid a little while longer.

As I continued eating, I became dimly aware of Twilight talking to Spike.

“So, I was thinking about taking him around and showing him to our friends. Dash has already seen him, but the others left before he arrived.”

“Do you think that’s a good idea?” Spike asked, shoving a spoonful of cereal into his mouth. “You don’t know how he’s going to act in public. He might freak out around everypony.”

“Nonsense, Spike,” Twilight said, waving a hoof in the air. “The princess wouldn’t have sent him to me if he was dangerous.”

“Alright,” Spike grumbled, shooting me quick glance. He swallowed his mouthful of food as he continued to stare at me. I just ignored him. “But I don’t have to come, do I?”

“You don’t have to if you don't want to,” Twilight said, nuzzling the lizard, a wing draped over his shoulder. He visibly relaxed and breathed a sigh of relief.

“Thanks, Twi. I don’t want to be around it more than I have to.” I flinched slightly, stopping mid-bite to glare at the lizard. I’m not an it or a thing. Sighing, I returned my attention to the bowl of apple slices in my grasp, now only half listening to the conversation. I knew that Spike was scared of me. For whatever reason, I didn’t know, and didn’t particularly care, but maybe I could use that to my advantage. In the event that I tried something, I doubt he would be much trouble. That means that I just need to escape Twilight and I will be in the clear. I didn’t know where I would go if I got free, but anywhere was probably better than here.

“I’ll have to stop by the human store and pick up some supplies as well. He’ll be needing a bed, some food, some health care items, and maybe even some toys to play with.” I nearly choke on a piece of apple at that. Toys? What the hell kind of toys could there possibly be for a human? A ball? Frisbee? Maybe a feather on a string?!

As I sat there, coughing and sputtering, Twilight and Spike glanced over at me with curious expressions. Once I recovered, I glared at them with a look that said ‘What?’. They both returned to their breakfasts, but not before Twilight shot me one last look, this one with a trace of concern in it.

Silence fell over the kitchen as we continued to eat. Twilight finished her breakfast and moved the dishes to the sink. Pulling my now empty bowl out of my hands, she placed it with her dishes before turning back to Spike, who was still eating.

“Okay, Spike. You’re in charge around the library while I’m gone. Keep everything clean and tidy and I’ll have a special surprise for you later.” Spike’s eyes lit up like diamonds, and his tail began to wag. Snapping a quick salute, he immediately scarfed down the rest of his food, jumped down from the table, threw his bowl into the sink, and ran out of the kitchen. Twilight giggled to herself, her hoof pressed against her muzzle as she watched him. I just watched with a bored expression on my face. Why do I get the feeling I might not be the only pet here? I mused as I watched Spike rush past me.

A gentle tug on the leash drew my attention back to Twilight. She smiled down at me, a little bit of nervousness showing through.

“Alright,” she said, tugging on the leash again in an attempt to get me to stand. “Let’s go introduce you to the rest of the gang.” Sighing to myself, I slowly rose to my feet and stretched, my back cracking as I reached upwards. My fingertips brushed the ceiling. Even though ponies ran this place, it was still human-friendly, and for that I was thankful. I don’t think my back would survive long if I had to crouch all the time.

Sighing again, I followed Twilight into the main room. She quickly gathered up a bag of coins and a long list of items. Depositing both into what looked like a pair of saddlebags, she strapped said bags across her back and headed for the door. A tug on the leash prompted me to follow after her. Glancing back behind me, I spied a clock hanging on the far wall. The face informed me that it was only 7:30 in the morning.

I closed my eyes and groaned softly. I hated mornings. I could already tell this was going to be a long day. Reluctantly, I turned and followed Twilight out of her home, and into the blinding morning light.