I stared at the map in wonder. How we had gotten so far and off course? It seemed like only an hour at most that we were heading at top speed through traffic. I’m not too happy to say that we had to break the law in order to achieve our ends, but I don’t think the officers would be too happy when they came up beside our truck and looked in to see two talking ponies, one with a computer on his lap while the other not even touching the wheel.

We parked on the side of the back road. After evading pursuit Fireball had just driven randomly to avoid any stragglers. The computer thankfully hadn’t been damaged, but the phone had slid out of its cradle and wouldn’t turn on anymore; that was going to be a minor problem. Thankfully the computer turned on, taking a minute to start up since Fireball had all this crap that she downloaded on it. I opened up Google maps again to check our progress. Damn. I could see a sizable distance between the little blue blip and the nice straight yellow line that ran up through the states.

I groaned out loud, fairly certain of what that meant. My grumbles are answered by another growl, this one came from seemingly below me. I looking down, I find a shrunken stomach desperately calling for its master to feed it. Sighing aloud I closed the computer and look towards my compatriot. She is trying… actually I have no idea what she is doing. Her hooves are on her horn, as if she were trying to unscrew it, and her tongue lulls out of her mouth.

I decide to voice my confusion. “What the hay are you doing Fireball?”

She didn't reply at first, leading me to believe she hadn't heard. She must be entranced by… well whatever she's doing. A moment passes and she resumes a normal sitting position. "I'm trying to figure out how my horn works actually.”

Another sigh escapes me; she really thinks that we are actually pony re-incarnates from another dimension, sent to earth by a mismatched big headed dragon goat thing as a plan to take over their world. Yes, um doctor, you wanted to wear what again? She isn't a cuddly unicorn that can do magic, and I'm not a grey pegasus that can fly. Of course I couldn’t voice my opinion, I'd already tried that. “Figure out anything useful yet,” I wondered aloud instead.

“Well no, actually,” she admits. “But I'm trying to figure out a sort of controllable fire spell, like being able to literally hold a ball of fire that doesn’t burn. There’s a nagging in the back of my brain telling me I can do it but my magic just doesn’t seem to want to comply.” That's scary. Controllable fire… what next? She turns into some super villain that can throw fire around like dodge balls?

A growl emits from her, not unlike my own stomach. Apparently hers is rebelling as well. Oh wait, is she beaming? This can’t be good. “No, we are not stopping anywhere. It’s too risky!”

She doesn’t seem deterred at all if that smile says anything. "Come on… I know you're hungry too. Plus I'm driving so," real mature, sticking your tongue out.

"I can see it now. 'Sir, may I take your order? Oh you're a magical talking pony? Better tell my manager to call animal control.' Then we get shipped off and bye bye any chance at getting back to normal."

I could tell she was disappointed. "Look Mr. 'everybody is evil' we are going to go eat some food. Or. Else."

I do not feel like figuring out what the 'else' is. "Fine, but only if it’s on the route." I turn the computer to show her the map.

She seems satisfied, good, one more disaster averted. "What kind of food can ponies eat I wonder?"

Oh Luna, help me.

I stared at the pizzeria we had stopped at. Truth be told I thought she would just find some fast food restaurant that we could go through drive-thru and pass as cosplayers, going to some really screwed up festival. It is partially true right?

No go on that one, I was forced to divulge what a horse could eat and unfortunately a plain cheese pizza, or one that had no meat on it, was included in that category. I look out at the rest of the town. It’s really small to be honest, I would barely call it a city compared to what I've seen. There can’t be more than five hundred total people that live here. Hopefully this means there is a low chance of being spotted.

“Hurry up! It’s almost two-o'clock! That’s like two hours late for lunch!” Fireball was standing, literally on her hind hooves, outside my door while I tried putting off going inside as long as I could. Don’t get me wrong, I'm brave: you can't be a pilot if you're not brave enough to risk death on a daily basis. There’s a difference between bravery and stupidity though. “Either you're coming of your own free will or so help me, I'm going to open this door and carry you in! You can’t pretend everypony is out to get you all the time or you're never going to meet any new friends!” Considering Fred’s track record and the fake memories I wouldn’t put it past her to actually follow through with her plan to carry me inside.

“Fine, I'm coming, hold up a second and let me grab the computer so I can charge it and see if Princess Luna replied back yet.” This seemed to satisfy her and I began the arduous task of trying to grab the stupid laptop and rest it on my back while in the cab. After several fruitless minutes the door is yanked open and I'm yanked out, along with the device. “Put me down.” I tried to lace a bit of malice into my tone but it was a strain.

“You're obviously incapable of balancing it on your back. I, however, possess the grace and balance necessary.” Balance, maybe, but grace is a bit of a stretch to try and associate with her.

I’ll be damned though, she set that accursed thing on her back and it stayed there as she took a few steps, intentionally swaying her hips to show off her balance. “Show off! I just haven't gotten used to four legs yet.” It’s true.

“It isn’t about getting used to them Shadow, but re-acquainting yourself with them.” Not this again!

I started after her at a slight trot. “Fine, fine, whatever. You were still showing off, you can’t deny that.”

She waves a hoof dismissively without taking her eyes off the front door. “Whatever, come on slow poke.”

This is awkward.  I mean I wasn’t a pony a few days ago why should I be scared of this? I am though, scared for my life, scared for Fireball’s and scared of what might happen if the clerk behind the counter freaks out. Thankfully Fireball has managed a couple spells, including the one she almost incinerated me with, so if worse comes to worst then we can make a quick getaway.

Thump. Ow, I just ran into the door, much to the amusement of my friend. Grumbling to myself I open the door and step inside, holding it like a proper gentlec-man for Fireball. She stepped inside daintily, as if she were entering some high class building or castle. Much to my bemusement she took her time crossing the threshold towards the counter where a bored cashier was reading a book. Thankfully the door didn’t have a bell and our hooves didn’t make too much noise, so he didn’t hear us walk up to the counter. I stood up on my hind hooves and put my fore hooves on the top of the counter. “Excuse me sir?” The clerk turned a page, obviously thinking that we weren't there for the food.

“Yeah? May I help you?”

“Sure,” I motion to Fireball to place her order, and she immediately takes a step forward and mimics my position, the computer miraculously staying in place even with the odd angle.

“I would like a whole cheese pizza, large please.” I’m surprised that she didn’t order anything else on it. Though how is she supposed to- oh she brought her wallet.

He turned towards us. “That’ll be-” I watched his eyes widen and his face pale as he took in the sight of us. “You-you’re colorful horses.” He sits there, staring at us, as if waiting for us to bite him or something.

“Actually we are ponies, not horses. Being called a horse is actually a huge insult in our culture. Though if you can’t help yourself I guess it doesn’t matter.”

The poor clerk just stared at us open mouthed. The book slid out of his hands and hit the floor with a thud. “Pa!” Oh god, if he’s a hillbilly we are leaving. Not to offend any hillbillies, but the cliché hillbilly never leaves home without a gun. That gun is usually a shotgun. Again, I’m not going off of stereotypes, no wait yes I am. Dammit brain stop analyzing things!

“I’m cookin what is it?” It sounded like ‘pa’ need a throat cleaning and to lay off the cigarettes.

"We have visitors…" knowing how this would eventually play out I merely stood still. Fireball on the other hoof tapped her hoof impatiently.

"So? Take their orders and get them a table." Now 'pa' was getting impatient.

"They aren't human…"

I started to get antsy. This is usually when people go for the guns and call out the cops.

Heavy thumps accompanied 'Pa' out of the kitchen. When I got my first look at him I wanted to turn away. He was fat, greasy, and sported a long beard that shone with bits of grease and other food items. He wore a classic white apron that hung low to his knees. His eyes were brown at one point but age and cooking must have dimmed them and caused him to have eye problems.

He looks at us with a hard glare and turns to what I believe to be his son. His eyes shift to the laptop situated on Fireball's back and I tense. If this 'pa' was a shady character he could easily overpower us and take the laptop if he wanted. A few more tense seconds tick by with the speed of a snail. The old chef licks his lips before opening them. "Ya got money?" His voice is raspy and low. I'd been around people too long not to recognize one who had been smoking for most of his life.

I open my mouth to say something. "Yes we do! Who wouldn't have money when they walk into a restaurant? Sounds plain rude to me." Dang it fireball! I tense, ready to bolt at any provocation.

But the old chef lets out a hearty laugh and smiles. "Yer right on that part lass, would be rude to show up without payment." He looks at the boy behind the cash register who had visibly relaxed. "Clyde, treat'm like customers, just because they look different dunt mean they are."

I visibly relax, nearly collapsing to the floor in relief. A sharp friendly punch nearly finishes my journey. "See, no problems Shadow! And you thought we were probably going to get run out by a crazy guy with a shotgun." My eyes widen with the knowledge of the boy still sitting across the counter from us, hearing our every word.

Instead of getting angry or grabbing his own firearm he nearly falls out of his chair laughing like a madman. "Ha ha! You thought we were- HA HA! That's funny! To tell you the truth nobody in this town but the sheriff owns a gun. We're so small that everyone trusts one another to do the right thing." He looked over to get a better look at us. "So what are you anyways? You said you weren't horses," he turns to look at Fireball. "I can see you have a horn," he turned his head to look at me. "You have wings."

Fireball shot him a cheeky grin. "My name is Fireball and I'm a unicorn, we can do magic! Telekinesis, teleportation, you name it!" I got another shove from my compatriot. "Mr. Sourpants over here is Shadow and he's a pegasus. Normally they can manipulate weather and fly really fast, but we haven't tried with the clouds here."

The clerk returned the grin and offered his hand. "I'm Clyde, Clyde McGraff. My family's been here about fifty somethin' years before my pa decided to up and cook pizza." Fireball took the offered hand, and when it came to me I reluctantly shook it. "I'm not complaining though, Pa's found his talent. You won't find better pizza for 50 miles." He laughed out loud and fell back into his chair. "Or another town for that matter anyways!"

Once he had gained control of himself he wiped his eyes and moved back over to the register. "You said you wanted a large cheese pizza?" Fireball nodded in acknowledgement. "Alright! Well actually I think my Pa wanted to try to make a vegetarian pizza. You guys want to try that? Unless yer not vegetarians?"

I shove my hoof in Fireball's mouth. "We'll just go with the cheese pizza for now." After fishing out the money to pay for the pizza, I- having already swiped the wallet from Fireball just in case she found a vending machine or something- handed it to Clyde. He smiled and went back to help Pa.

Finding nothing else to do we found a table to sit at. Fireball immediately sat pony style while I once again tried, and failed, to sit regularly. With a reluctant sigh I sat like a pony and waited patiently for our food to come. Of course nothing is calm while Fireball is around. So, instead of waiting in silence I got to watch her try to touch her nose with her tongue. After about five minutes of failures she looked at me with an inquisitive glance. I raised an eyebrow. "What?"

"Can you?" She simply asked.

"Can I what?"

"Can you touch your nose with your tongue? I think mine is just shy by about a centimeter." Once again she tries to show me that it was indeed just shy of actually touching the top of her nose.

I frowned. "That isn't very polite to do in public Fireball." Sighing again I accept the fact that I could never win an argument against her. "Then again you're probably going to argue that there aren't any people around anyways correct?" She nods, a giddy smile on her face as she realizes she's won. "One time, okay?" She nods in understanding.

I stick my tongue out as far as it can go and curve it upward. I try to keep parts of it from sucking back into my mouth as I curve it upwards to touch my nose. I make contact and fireball gasps in awe. "YOU CAN DO IT! So, cool!" Face, you remember hoof right?

Thankfully before she can start me with trying to kiss my elbow (ponies have elbows right?), Pa comes over to our table and sets down the pizza. "I hope you two ponies don't mind but a family decided to having a children's party here taday. They'll be here in ten so if you wanna miss'it yer gunna wanna skedaddle before then."

My brain went into overdrive. Kids… party… No. Bucking. Way.

Pa returns to the kitchen. “Be sure to tell me if ya like it! A few thanks here and there are nice!” He called back. Even though I knew he couldn’t see me I nodded my head in acknowledgement.

Turning back to the pizza I find that one of the pieces is already gone; looking up shows that it has been shoved, crust and all, into the mouth of the pony sitting across from me. She chews a bit, takes on an inquisitive look, and then swallows contently. Sighing, she then grinned at me. I have so many arguments planned it’s impossible for me to lose. We are getting on our way as soon as this pizza is finished.

“We are going to stay for this right?” Oh no, no this will not happen. “I know that face. I’m the only one who can drive so we ARE going to stay.” I sigh as every argument I planned went out the window. She has more control than I’d like to admit. Unicorns seem to have it easy. They don’t have anything on flight though, to fly among the clouds. My desire is almost uncontrollable and my wings ease out expectantly to the side as I zone out.

The air is clear, and the moon is glistening. I take a deep breath and enjoy the cool air as it blows through my mane and tail. As graceful as a stallion could I slowly opened my wings to full spread. I’m quite proud of them; I make sure to preen and clean them regularly to prevent infection and loose feathers. Why I had chosen to keep my natural pegasus wings over the traditional bat wings that the nightguard usually sported was explained to no pony.

The fact of the matter is that I love feeling the wind through my feathers; with leather wings there is no contact other than the flat of the wing. I don’t look as menacing but that usually changes within the first five minutes or so.

I may have modified our home against the renters’ policy to add a sort of balcony on top of our roof to serve as a sitting place when I couldn’t think or sleep. Though it mostly got used as a take-off platform for my midnight flights I so often enjoy.

I flapped my wings experimentally and felt the wind rush under them, trying to pull me from the ground that anchored me down. Wait a second though. I feel something deep inside me, trying to resist the pull, the desire. Its cry is weak and far off but still there all the same.

Shrugging it off, I raised my wings high, and with a mighty flap, launched myself into the air with the wind. Fireball thinks that I’m a tight flank that doesn’t even know the word ‘fun’ exists, but oh man she would freak if she ever caught me up here at night. It helps me relax ya know?

I fly up to a cloud. Here’s a nice place to sit for a while. Oh Luna, you make such beautiful nights, the stars are my favorite part. They always seem like they are in different places every night. Ha, I remember when I finally managed to get the guts to finally ask Luna if she did move them. She had replied that she hadn’t for it would have driven the astronomers crazy. I am content with her answer.

All of a sudden the cloud turns brown, not unlike the wood of a common household object. This can’t be happening! Has discord escaped? Why are none of the other clouds turning brown? That voice though, it’s getting louder.

I open my eyes to see almost the entire pizza gone and a very content unicorn sitting across from me. Oh Luna what did I just do?

“Fireball what just happened?” I might as well try to glean any information I can from her.

“You zoned out after your wings outstretched.” She burped noisily. “Why?”

“How long was I out?”

She checked her wrist which had a crudely drawn watch on it. “Well it was about two thirty and now it’s...” She tapped the drawing. “Half past eat more pizza.”

She reached a hoof for one of the last slices, but I smacked it away. “No, that’s mine since you seem to have inhaled the other three quarters of the pizza.” I frowned. “If you had to make a guess how long do you think I was out for?”

Putting a hoof to her chin she hummed in concentration. And now she’s pretending to do math equations? Sometimes I wonder if she really is insane like most of the guards say.

"Well… I'd say about five minutes or so, give or take a few." Great that means we, I'm sorry, I, have only a few minutes to make a quick exit.

Grabbing a piece I wolfed it down. My tongue instinctively inspected my food, and to my great surprise a wave of flavor literally cascaded over my taste buds. I'm pretty sure my pupils were dilated as I visited something like those cartoons on TV where the actor dances with the food or some weird crap. Obviously the McGraffs really meant what they said about their pizza being the best. I've never tasted anything richer in my life!

I continued chewing slowly, trying to savor every cycle of mouth open, and mouth close. Out of the corner of my eye I see Fireball reaching ever so casually for one of the only two remaining slices of heaven. I stopped and slapped her hoof away again, pulling the tray closer to myself.

She simply smirked and sat back, her hooves crossed. "It's good isn't it? Pony taste buds combined with natural ingredients equals food gasm. I'm surprised you're not standing at attention." Props for creativity. It was dirty all the same though.

I frowned to show her how much interest I had in the subject. "That wasn't funny."

"Maybe not, but you know what is funny?"

Great I hate her guessing games. "No, what is funny?"

She points her hoof behind me. I turn and look to see my horror come true. A minivan was parked in the lot and about eight or nine girls about age… seven… average height is- agh snap out of it. This isn't who I am! Or maybe… it is.

They filed into the shop and Clyde welcomed them, took their orders, then went back to help Pa. I might somehow manage to evade detection for the first two minutes, but after that?

I watched in slow motion as the closest girl moved her head to face us. I had a slim hope she might overlook us, but that was shot down by fireball standing up on her chair and waving hi to her.

I watched, panic stricken, as her eyes opened wide and she started to pull on, what I assumed to be, the chaperone’s dress. The woman, obviously displeased at the disruption, turned to look at us reluctantly. I swear she must be part snake because her jaw unhinged at the site of us. The other little girls all turned to see what everyone else was looking at. I swear my heart stopped beating. My wings extended themselves automatically, as if trying to make myself look bigger.

This was a horrible idea as it only seemed to excite the little girls more. I disembarked from my chair, stuffing another piece of pizza in my mouth, and backed slowly away from the advancing children. Fireball, on the other hoof, trotted towards the children for some reason.

I know one thing. I'm not letting her guilt me into anything.

She's been giving rides for how long now? It seems to have been hours at least, but I checked up with one of the adults who, at first are scared of me, told me it had only been three quarters of an hour. Given what Pa had said before, this means that we've been stopped here for over an hour. Who knows what could have happened in that time?

We should go, but Fireball does look happy to give the children free pony rides, and the mothers seem thankful for it. Oh fine, I guess we can stay a bit longer. Pa brought us some more pizza for helping so I guess I should eat them at before my companion discovers them. She did chomp down on pretty much the entirety of the last pizza.

Unfortunately nature is calling so I believe a trip to the bathroom is in order. Oh what a fun experience that will be. I wonder if I can still use a conventional toilet or will I have to stand, lift, and hope for the best?  To say this will be awkward is an understatement.

Having made it past the rest of the mob, I made a beeline for the bathroom.

I’m going to be honest with myself, that was the weirdest experience I’ve ever had with a toilet, and considering my past life with Fireball, that’s saying quite a lot. I walked out of the hallway where the bathrooms were situated and trotted back towards my chair. The parents had cleared an area out from the tables and chairs as a sort of ring for Fireball to trot around in.

I don’t understand how she does it. Apparently she’s a natural with kids or has at least two or three little sisters I don’t know about. This happens every, single, time we go anywhere while on leave. That’s not to say I hate it, but the way she lets the foals crawl all over her, and now these children. It all seems odd.

Letting out a sigh I come to the conclusion I’ve been trying to avoid. I harbor a dislike for those kids. Not because I’m jealous or anything, no, of course not. I just wish they would get a move on. We have places to be. You know what I’m going to go tell her right now that we need to - “Oof!”

I turn around and see one of the youngest girls had mounted a chair and then used it to sit atop me. My first instinct is to sit down and to watch her slide off. I look back and see her face, so full of joy and happiness. My heart is fluttering. Am I really contemplating ruining this girls fun time? How unthoughtful of me, that’s horrible. I can’t deny I want to leave, but not at the cost of this girl’s happiness.

“Go on horsey,” she says, smiling.

One of the parents noticed the little girl atop me. I watched out of the corner of my eye as she took on a look of surprise and shock. Apparently Fireball had informed them on my position regarding rides and they were concerned that I would harm the child. Why would I hurt such an adorable little girl though? I turned to face her fully, smiling in reassurance that I was okay with it. The parent’s expression eased visibly and, for a moment, I saw a glimpse of trust before she turned and went back to the bulk of the kids.

I felt the weight on my back disappear before reappearing with slightly more force as she bounced on me. “Let's go horsey!”

“As you wish.” I smiled as she giggled with glee at my answer. There’s a warm happy feeling I’m getting in response to me making this child happy. I don’t know why, but it seems that I’m having more fun now.

Oh Fireball is gesturing me to join them in the circle of kids. I do a bit of a fancy trot to show her up. Yeah, that’s payback for that slow ‘elegant’ trot you made into the store.

Why is she bowing to me though? Oh Luna, she wants to actually dance with me in the circle. Crap, I don’t know how to dance! It wasn’t high on my priority list while I was training. While all the other guards were staring at the mare’s flanks I was studying procedures and protocols. Why hadn’t I at least studied how to dance even a little!

“I see you’re anxiety and raise you some inexperience. I haven’t danced before either so come on soldier boy, let’s just make it up!” I swear if I was interested in getting ‘hooked up’, Fireball would be the mare for me. Opposites attract you kn- whoa shit! She uses one hoof to grab my neck, gesturing for me to do the same. I did so and we spin around in a little circle, switching directions and arms every now and then.

Then, for the next half hour, we danced to the giggling and laughter of the children, the quiet laughter of the adults, and to each other’s howls as well.

I’m not even that embarrassed. Am I drunk?

Next Chapter: Look, Drama! Run! Estimated time remaining: 1 Hour, 16 Minutes