“Fireball, how many times am I going to have to tell you you’re too old for this!” I mean seriously, she was a 25 year old human , now I’m sure she’s near that age as a pony. Surely that is too old to be out in a costume getting candy from adult humans.

“How old do you think I’ll live?” Gosh, hard to say, at this rate? I would say she would live about another month or two.

What seems like the millionth sigh escapes from my mouth. “I’m guessing another 70-80 years if I base it off of the 25 year mark.”

She starts to skip ahead of me, the little bells on her jester’s hat jingling. “There’s your answer!” In reply, I groan.

I pick up the pace until I’m cantering beside her as she skips towards her target, the house across the street from ours. I have no clue why she even chose that costume to go with this year. Though I have to admit, it does personify her personality. A loose rock stubs my hoof and I wince. Watch it Shadow, you may be a night guard but that doesn’t mean you rule the darkness. Keep your eyes forward, legs in sync, ears focused on your surroundings and…

Great, I’ve managed to trance myself into the light with a grinning Fireball standing next to me. Of course I can’t leave, they’ve most likely already seen us and therefore it would be rude to just up and disappear. Of course then again my coat is a dark shade, they might not have been able to-

The door opened and a woman, probably in her late 50s stepped out to deliver her goodies. “Trick or treat!” Fireball chanted, very eager to receive her yearly dose of sugar.

The old woman seemed taken aback. “Oh you dears seem to be getting more and more creative each year! The detail on those costumes is amazing!” Oh great, a disconnected human.

“Um, ma’am, we are a part of the new pony community actually. My name is-” I tried to explain before being cut off by a squeal of delight.

“Grandma! There’s ponies at the door!” I fight the urge to facehoof, this is just what I need, two uncontrollable little candy hyped monsters.

“Yes dear, I see that.” There’s a brief haze as she tries to figure if I’m joking about the pony community or not before she smiles again and digs a bit of candy for Fireball. After serving my friend she motions to me, obviously thinking I wanted some.

Better try and put this nicely I guess. “Actually I’m just here to make sure she doesn’t do anything stupid.” I glance over and see that Fireball is in fact, already trying to open a candy wrapper. Quickly batting it away I continue. “I’m not actually dressed up and to be honest I don’t prefer the taste of candy.”

The grandmother continued to smile. “Nonsense! Take some.”

With a sigh of defeat I turned sideways and opened up a saddle bag I’d taken to wearing at all times. Never know when you’re going to need a weapon you know?

the woman dumps the handful into the bag and stands back up. “You two have fun now okay?” She turns back to the playful pair behind her. “Joy, time to get ready!” A chorus of ‘awwws’ follow. I follow her gaze to find that my friend has somehow sneaked past both me and the old woman to go meet the little girl. Before I can gawk any longer at my obvious lack of practice, Fireball has said her goodbyes and I’m being dragged along to the next house.

“See, it ain't so bad!” She exclaims happily.

“Well, as long as you are the only one who goes to the door I should be fine.” Last thing I need is for one of the saddle bags to fill up.

“Silly, that’s not what nightmare night is about! You’re supposed to get candy and then eat it! How can you get any if you’re not at the door when I ring it?” That’s kind of the whole point of me hanging back…

“Look, I’ll walk around with you, just like in Equestria, but just like there as well, I wont be going up to ponies’ houses and asking for candy.”

“Awwww!” Oh no, Fireball pouts never end well. thankfully, instead of lighting something on fire or turning on the puppy dog eyes, she simply sighs. “Well you’re not even in costume anyways so it wouldn’t work.” Thank Luna, it looks like I’ve escaped the fiery furnace. “Of course we could always get you one!” And back in I go…

“Look let’s just get to the next house and maybe I’ll come with you to the door.” I concede that she is perhaps the most manipulative pony I have ever met. excluding the stories I’ve heard about the element of laughter.

She squeals at my answer and hugs me tightly. “Ooo thank you! I’ve been trying to get you to go for years now!”

“I’ve ‘gone’ every year Fireball, just not in costume for the past ones. Besides, you know how some monsters can be on that particular night, I’m usually on call.” I digress those nights were not very fun since I had to inspect every alleyway and, depending on the creature, a certain gesture or action to ponies I thought were not actually ponies. that earned me some pretty odd stares for the first year or two.

“Shaaaadooooooww! You never do anything fun with me!” Manipulative to a T.

“Yes I do, just not this night.” Quick, distraction… yes. “Look here’s another house, maybe they have two kids.”

Her head immediately spins towards the door which has a light on, indicating treats inside, and verifies my claim. Her head then faced me again. “you haven’t evaded this conversation Shadow, your boringness will have to be solved someday.” Then, her mood seemingly doing a u-turn, she canters up to the door and presses the doorbell, a smile plastered on her face that seemed to stretch across her whole muzzle.

I should probably take advantage of the fact that she has not dragged me to this encounter. I spin my head around to get a look at things. Given my position and the need for such a talent, my eyesight in the dark is above par and I can even pick out kids in the darker costumes in the rapidly disappearing light.

Instinctively my mind examines each one for similarities that coincide with monsters from tartarus or legends. This is earth though, remember, no tartarus, only this weird thing called hell that is inescapable, supposedly. Even with this fact in my head I still mentally pick out kids. A couple shades here and there, something that looks like a perverted soul come back from the dead. A demon here and there walked with what looked like fairies. Ugh… fairies were the worst, always buzzing around and taunting ponies and turning things into flowers or trees. Those buggers were the hardest to catch, I can’t believe I didn’t squish them whenever I did catch them.

Suddenly Fireball was breathing in my ear kind of creepily, apparently waiting for me to refocus on her task, the emptying of the neighborhood’s candy bowls. “Yes, what is it? Also, please don’t do that again, it irritates my ear.” I don’t know how many times I’ve told her this.

“I’ve been waiting for you to stop zoning out for almost a minute. Seriously, you need to stop doing that on nightmare night, it freaks ponies out.”

“It’s my job to do that on nightmare night, I have a hard time breaking the habit now that we’re not in Equestria.” So my explanations suck, not that I care.

She groans audibly. “But you’re not ON duty Shadow! Have some fun will you? You can’t always be a paranoid sourpuss!” Ugh, I would argue… if not for the fact that it wouldn’t do me a lick of good. “Look there’s another house, you go up and ring the doorbell this time!”

“Actually I’m quite content to- agh!” I felt her muzzle against my back, pushing me slowly towards the door.

Not a few seconds later I feel the concrete pass slower over my bottom. She doesn’t have the strength to push me! Ha! Wait, why am I weightless? I look behind me and see a smug looking Fireball cantering up to the door with me in her telekinetic grip. Curse unicorns and their horns! Of course, then again, they were useful in taking out banshees. Yeesh, I never thought something could scream louder than a newborn foal.

I receive a sharp jab in the side to remind me of what I’m being pressured into doing. Oh Luna this is going to be so humiliating. Thankfully none of my fellow guards are around to watch and laugh.

Swallowing what little pride I have left I lift my hoof up and tap the doorbell. A generic *ding dong* emanates from within and I try to put on my best fake smile. This time it’s obviously a male in his late 40s or early 50s.

His first reaction was obviously of one who had not heard of the pony population as of yet. He simply stood in the doorway for a bit staring down the near black pony in front of him. “TRICK OR TREAT!” Way to make things awkward Fireball.

Fortunately it merely snaps the poor guy out of his surprise, instead adopting a happy smile. Apparently we are now simply another pair of children out for a yearly overdose of candy. I have to hand it to the mare, she does now how to defuse a situation. Oh wait he’s trying to give me candy.

“Actually I…” Oh no, not the glare. Fireball really doesn’t get pissed off much, but when she does. Take a hint, move to a different town. “Thank you sir.” Might as well satisfy her.

I turn my body and accept the hooful of sweets he dumps in before wishing us a good night and safety. Not like there’s anything that can happen around here though. I just hope that Fireball doesn’t plan on staying out all night… again.

It’s been an hour and she shows no sign of stopping. There also seems to be less littler kids on the streets, it’s probably late for them anyways.

I look out over the street. This has got to be the longest nightmare night I’ve ever had. There seems to be more humans per town than ponies do. Conflicting memories arise and it drowns me for a second. I’ve since learned that the best response is to leave the rogue memories be instead of fighting them off.

“Hey cool! Look at that animatronic decoration!” A teenage male voice sounds off to my right. “What do you think it is?” It’s closer now.

Turning my head, I get a glimpse of three guys with, I’m guessing, their respective girlfriends. It’s a good thing Fireball isn’t back or this might get ugly.

hey eventually reach where I had chosen to sit and keep watch while my companion explored the short cul-de-sac. I could tell they weren’t old enough to drink alcohol, but I still smelt liquor on their breaths. Great their intoxicated, I wonder if they are anything like teenage ponies when drunk. “Hey it moves! Cool!” They weren’t close enough to identify me, that was for sure. I managed to find a spot where almost no light shown and, with a bit of practice, blended in with the night around me. I definitely had their attention now though.

One of the females is apparently braver than the rest, or more infatuated with equines than the others, because she walked right up to me and started to rub my mane. God, it’s been a while since that has happened.

I struggle to keep a straight face as the rubbing turns to petting. “It feels so soft, almost real,” she states, for the others benefit maybe? “Wait a second.” Oh crap, my chest, I forgot to control my breathing. Calm… calm… hold it in, maybe she didn’t notice.

she doesn’t move away from me, instead starts to check my eyes. Panicking in my mind I turn my head in the other direction, subtly blinking so I could wet my eyes. Hopefully that’s enough to dissuade her.

“Hey, Jen, it’s just a toy, lets go get some more free sugar.” Seems, like somepony’s boyfriend is antsy. Well, go on, leave.

“Hold on, I think it’s breathing.” Of course you won’t.

“It could be part of the animatronics.” Yes, please stick to it.

“I don’t think so…” Ugh, let’s see, where is an escape route? From this angle I see a backyard, maybe a few trees I can ditch them around… woah whoa wait a sec!

I cringe as the girl actually pokes me in the eye, forcing me to rub it. “HA! See, it’s real!” Dammit.

“Holy shit! That’s a real pony? Why are it’s eyes so huge?” I stopped listening after that. I didn’t feel like answering all their questions.

If this keeps up I’ll be in an old pony’s home before I know it. “Look, yes I’m a pony and no I have no idea why my eyes are so big, but all I want right now is some peace and quiet and if I have to fly to get-”

“YOU CAN FLY?” Yeesh! Six people screaming at once does hurt your ears.

Might as well show them the full package I guess. I flare my wings out for them to see. Thank Luna it’s night time or else I might have a whole swarm of kids coming to enjoy the show.

This received a chorus of ‘cool’ ‘awesome’ and ‘sweets’ from the teens. Unfortunately it only peaked the curiosity even more. I wonder if I’m going to have to fly away at this rate.

A spot of orange enters my peripheral vision. Oh no…

As she got closer she started picking up speed, seeing that my original position was surrounded by people. Thankfully she wasn’t going full tilt, that would have upset her precious candy, which I would have been happy to let leave. But still, this is not going to end well.

“HEYA!” Okay, the surprise on the human’s faces was compensation, maybe a little bit. “I see you’ve met my friend Shadow! I’m Fireball and we’re-” I let loose a awkward cough “and I’m out enjoying the festivities!” Oh that was good, excluding me from enjoying the festivities.

“Woah another one! This one’s bright orange! Hi, you said your name was Fireball? My name’s Jen. Your friend was trying to pretend he was a lawn ornament.” If they don’t have the decency to insult a pony behind his back then why are they still alive?

“Yes, he does that a lot, no fun at all. Hey wanna see a cool trick?” Well maybe I can find a- oh no!

“Sure why not.” Before I can intervene the others of the group agree or shrug in acceptance. I can tell there is no stopping Fireball now.

She grabs a few pieces of candy, red packaged stuff called ‘Kit Kats’. Using her magic, which by itself caused some jaws to drop, she tossed them up in the air. Looking upwards, mouth open, she stumbled left and right and caught all but one of the 8 bars of chocolate. After chewing and swallowing she pouted a bit about not catching the other one.

Then we have the bystanders who look somewhere between ‘did I have too much to drink tonight?’ and ‘This is the coolest thing ever!’. ‘Coolest thing ever’ my money is on you.

“That. Was. AWESOME!” Jen, please have your vocal chords checked, they are too loud for Luna’s sake!

“Yeah that was cool Fireball! You got anymore tricks.” No, bad idea man.

“I think I saw some of my friends just go down the other street, let me go get them!” Even WORSE, the last thing she needs is an audience to goad her on.

“Hey Fireball.” I decided to take the subtle route. “Shouldn’t we, you know, get moving? There are plenty more houses.”

I had no intention of dissuading her from performing, merely putting it off. “Of course not silly! This is perfect! Stop being a stubborn flank and enjoy the show!”

“Do I need to remind you that nearly every time you did a ‘show’ you lit something on fire or had some pony come out thinking there was one?” Please say yes, see the bad logic and give up!

“Of course not!” Yes, I know you have something else to say. “But I’ve gotten better! I promise nothing will go wrong!” And I promise to find a weight loss program that will make Princess Celestia 5 pounds lighter. Ugh, I might as well let her have this once. It’s been about a year or two since her last little magic show.

After finally explaining things to the firefighters and the nearly catatonic neighbors I dragged Fireball back to our house. Of course, like all things she does, it started out small and got bigger and bigger as she went. Soon she was juggling live Fireballs. To the passerby that couldn’t see the crazy pony playing with the VERY deadly things it looked as if the whole forest was on fire. the firefighters were called and since I seemed to be the ‘caretaker’ of Fireball I was required to answer questions and explain things.

Thankfully nothing too hard came up. I simply stated that we were ponies from Equestria, transported her by an evil villain and now trying to make a living. What he said next both brightened up my day and also made me a bit angry. ‘Bullshit’. yep, straight up and forward calling me a liar.

After further explanation I managed to convince him that I had the situation under control and the crowds dispersed, save the few that hoped the show wasn’t over.

So now I’m dragging Fireball by her tail towards our house. “What were you thinking? I told you not to do that and you went and did anyways! Can’t you just trust me for once?” Maybe this encounter will teach her a lesson.

I heard faint shuffling and felt her tail come out of my mouth. “Don’t get your panties in a twist, I’m just walking with you now.” New talent to observe, mind reading. “I can’t help it, the wildness I mean. Being around you a lot makes everything boring.” Uh oh, here it comes, for like the millionth time. “Maybe if you were a little bit more carefree I wouldn’t be so rowdy all the time!” I swear, how does she say it with a full smile on?

“We’ve been over this Fireball. My attitude has absolutely nothing to do with your actions. Luna forbid, we even went to a psychologist and he gave the same answer. What’s it going to take to get you to stop attracting attention to yourself?” Please say something simple.

“I told you already, if you stop acting there's a stick up your flank I’ll start acting a little more mature.” Why?

“Erg, agh, fine! If I start letting loose a little more will you cut back on the antics?” If she doesn’t say yes I’m going to dunk her in the bathtub.

“Yes, I will! Is that an agreement?” Wait what is she doing? Her spit laden hoof sits in front of me, waiting to be grasped.

“Oh Luna, whatever am I going to do with you Fireball?”

“Brohoof me?” Next Chapter: *Insert cool title here* Estimated time remaining: 1 Hour, 36 Minutes