Ask the Swapped Ponies!

Round Eighteen: Female Fathers

Spoilers Up To Chapter 26

Question 1: Super Big Mac Asks:

Dear Sleipnir,

Who makes a better god of mischief, your mother Loki, or Discord?

SLEIPNIR

No offense against Mom, but I’d honestly have to say ‘Discord.’  Discord eventually turned over a new leaf and was able to get along with others.  Mom’s attitude with others got progressively worse as time went on, until... well, let’s just say you don’t see Discord doomed to remain bound in the entrails of his own son, beneath the mouth of a serpent that'll drip excruciatingly painful venom onto his body until the day of Ragnarok.  

Question 2: Ironwright, (by way of Super Big Mac) Offers:

Oi, Lero! I know tha' yer a far cry from me regulars in tha Royal Guard, but what would ya say if I were ta make ya summa me best armor just in case ya end up in a bit'uva bad sit'ation? I dinnae when I'll 'ave it forged by, but I can even make it 'ard as diamond an' thrice as light. An' yea, Shinin' did put me up ta this, but I ain't one ta hold a grudge o'er tha'. Ya are courtin' the magical third o' Equestria's greatest defence. Tell me when ya want tha' armor, an' I'll keep me forge ready ta go.

LERO

Y’know what?  Yeah, I’d like that!  Who am I to turn down such a handsome gift?  And like you say, who knows WHEN the next bad situation’s gonna turn up?  Heck, I’d’ve KILLED for a great suit of armor back when Angel Bunny was at his worst, so, yeah!  I’ll stop by your place, first chance I get... I’m sure you’ll need to take my measurements!  How’s next Saturday sound to you?

Question 3: Warpd States:

Honeydew:

No little horse, you are the sexual deviant. Your society's standard relationship is polygamy, the majority of humans find that lifestyle appalling.

HONEYDEW

Well, that’s humankind’s problem, not mine.  Really, there’s no accounting for bad taste.  And the fact that human marriages are strict two-partners-only affairs just goes to show how inferior monkey brains are to ponies’.  They can’t HANDLE more than two!  It always comes out WRONG when MONKEYS do it.

WARPD

Also you think far too much about bonobos and how they will grind on you, get over it you lecherous beast of burden.

HONEYDEW

If... if I’m a beast of burden, then YOU’RE nothing but an organ grinder!  Ha!  See?  See what I did there, organ grinder?!  I can call you names too!  So go back to grinding your filthy organ with the other bonobos, and don’t even think of touching mine!

Question 4: FanOfMostEverything Asks:

Dear Discord,

I have to applaud the use of anticipation as the first round of punishment. Sometimes less really is more. I won't ask for your thoughts on what you'll inflict on Spike when (or even if) the time comes, but would you care to share some rejected ideas?

DISCORD

Certainly!  A guy like me HAS to be able to come up with all sots of good punishments, otherwise you end up with a lot of uppity mortals walking all over you!  Plus, it’s chaotically delicious!   I’ve come up with a top ten list.  

He pulls out a top ten list.

DISCORD

#10:  Teleport Spike to the dimension where gems eat dragons.  

#9:  Bewitch Spike AFTER everyone else is un-Bewitched, (assuming the Swapped are cured.)    

#8:  Give him a verbal tic where every fifth word out of his mouth is ‘cowabunga.’

#7:  Replace his voice with Bobcat Goldthwait’s.

#6:  Cast a curse on Spike so he absolutely MUST obey ANYTHING anyone tells him to do.

#5:  Recreate the Ten Labors of Hercules for him to perform.  

#4:  Personally intrude on every dream Spike has at night from here until he enters adulthood.

#3:  Trap him in a spaceship and force him to watch force him to watch cheesy movies, the worst I can find, and he'll try to keep his sanity while I monitor his mind.

  #2:  Maroon him in my wonderland of chaos, and leave him there to wander until I’ve forgiven him.

#1:  Make him ‘discorded’ for a little while.  

Question 5: Warpd Asks:

Dear Spike:

Favorite Comic Book Hero?

Spike lowers a comic he’s currently reading.

SPIKE

If I HAD to pin it down to one hero, it’d be Radiance from the Power Ponies.  Not only is she just so dreamy, her powers allow for a LOT of possibilities!  

Then he sighs at a stack of other comics on his shelf.  

SPIKE

But when it comes to superheroes, I hate playing favorites.  There’re so many others with a lot to love.  There’s the other Power Ponies... classic heroes like Batmare and Supermare... I even enjoy a lot of the manega from Neighpon!  Like, say, Rubber Monkey from Single Component... she’s funny!  Or how about Spiral Fox from the manega of the same name, or Death Strawberry from Sodium Hypochlorite!  Recently, I’ve even gotten into this DARKER manega that I know a young kid like me shouldn’t even be reading... but it’s still too much fun not to!  I love the hero, Lil’ Genocide from Assault on Giants... the story's VERY worth reading!

Question 6: SpinelStride Asks:

Dear Princess Luna:

What do ponies dream about?

PRINCESS LUNA

Flying, falling, failing tests, being stalked by monsters, dying, turning ill, encountering dead relatives, drowning in water, missing the train, losing teeth, evil clowns, entering heaven, being laughed at, being a foal again, the waitress squirting ketchup all over your ice cream at your favorite restaurant, then having to eat it... ponies dream of all sorts of different dreams!  Just like humans!  But nothing like potato bugs.  Yech.  Potatoes are all they ever dream about, night after night.  

SPINEL STRIDE

Do you do anything other than just help keep the nightmares away?

PRINCESS LUNA

I impart guidance and advice in dreams, too.  Sometimes, I’ll enter a good dream, and try to make it better!  Or, in cases where the dreamer should happen to be an enemy of the state, well, sometimes it behooves me to sit and eavesdrop… or even bring IN the nightmares to shake him up!  

SPINEL STRIDE

Ever walk in on erotic dreams?

Luna smiles demurely.

PRINCESS LUNA

Of course I have.  My situation’s much the same as it is for therapists and priests in confessionals: the subject of sex just crops up without my asking it to be there.  Many times, ponies have come up to me in the waking world and confessed to having such dreams featuring me.  “Forgive me, Your Majesty,” they’ll ask, “But was the Luna in my dream the product of my OWN imagination... or was it really YOU doing all that to me?”  And I’ll tell them...

PRINCESS CELESTIA

(calling from the next room)

Luna!  Time to raise the moon!

PRINCESS LUNA

Coming, sister!

And she gallops off to fulfill her duty.

Question 7: Warpd Asks:

Dear Princess Celestia:

So what are you hoping will happen?

Celestia is in her private chambers.  She looks towards an old oil portrait of Starswirl the Bearded, on the wall.  Then, from there, she looks to a line of pictures of her various students and apprentices through apprentices, starting at paintings and moving to photographs; first black-and-white snapshots, then shifting to color, finally ending at a much newer photograph of herself with Twilight Sparkle.  

Then Celestia looks out her window.   On a faraway balcony, Princess Luna raises the moon.  The sisters’ eyes meet, and Luna gives Celestia a reassuring smile.  The Sun Princess sighs.

PRINCESS CELESTIA

With regards to my student and Starswirl’s unfinished spell?   A great victory.  That’s what I’m hoping will happen.  

Question 8: Scherzo Asks:

Dear Honeydew,

Seriously, what is it exactly that spawned this intense xenophobic hatred?  Any defining moment or was it just a result of your surroundings growing up?

HONEYDEW

(testing the words out)

‘Defining moment,‘ huh?  

She cracks a crooked smile.

HONEYDEW

The way you say it, it practically feels like a superhero origin story!  Like some gorilla barreled out of an alleyway and ripped my mother in two for the bananas in her shopping bag while I was a filly, making me swear vengeance on all ape-kind from then on!

She shakes her head.

HONEYDEW

And as for ‘the result of my surroundings growing up?‘  Peh!  You make it sound like my village was infested by rampaging hordes of chimps every summer... grow yourself a clue!  This is PONYVILLE not Zebrabwe!  

She takes a breath.  

HONEYDEW

You wanna know what caused the loathing I feel for that so-called ‘stallion?‘  The first day he came to Ponyville, all I needed was one look into his eyes... Not to mention all the rest of that grotesque body... to know everything about him was hateful and unnatural.  And there’s not a THING he’s done or said since then to disprove my first impression of him.  I should know.  I’ve kept very careful watch, all these years.  But everypony else sees that piece of filth through rose-colored glasses!  They whitewash and they sugarcoat his every repulsive deed...  and I CAN’T STAND IT!!!

Question 9: Spinel Stride and FanOfMostEverything Ask:

Dear Spike,

We know you can send and summon your Noble Dragon card with your firebreath, so you can do other things with it than fire and sending to Celestia. Got any other breath-related abilities, beyond knocking them out with halitosis before brushing your teeth in the morning?

Dear Apple Bloom,

That sister of yours seems to have discovered quite the talent for wacky gadgets. Ever think about asking her to build something to help with crusading?

SPIKE

Well, there IS this...

Pinkie Pie has constructed a complex, steampunk-style jetpack for Apple Bloom!  It’s already attached to the little filly’s back!  What’s more, Pinkie’s DUCT-TAPED Spike to the jetpack, as a key component!  

Both the sisters salute each other.

PINKIE PIE

Let’s begin the countdown!  Three!  

SCOOTALOO

Two!  

SWEETIE BELLE

One!  

PINKIE PIE

Ignition!

Spike takes a deep breath and sets fire to the jetpack’s propulsion fuel.  Up they go!  

PINKIE PIE

We have liftoff!

APPLE BLOOM

(vanishing into stratosphere)

Cutie Mark Crusader Rocketeers!  YAAAY!

Question 10: Felyon Proposes:

On second thought, maybe turning Lero into the female might work [towards giving birth to a child?]  The problem was the chromosomes, right? After the ponification spell wore off then the sperm became human once more. By keeping his body altered instead, his eggs would remain ponified thus solving the problem.  

It’s a lovely day out in Ponyville’s marketplace.  The sun’s shining, the grass is green, and Lero ducks-while-running in order to dodge a pink-colored ray shot from a purple unicorn stallion’s horn.  

The spell flies past him and hits a willow, causing the tree to spontaneously sprout flowers.

TWILIGHT SPARKLE THE STALLION

Hold still, Lero!

LERO

Stop shooting, first!  

Other ponies dodge out of the way as Twilight keeps blasting, and everything the pink rays hit switch genders.  It strikes a filly’s dolly, which turns into an action figure soldier.  One shot goes wild, hitting a plain-looking brown mallard female flying overhead: her head turns glossy green as she’s transformed into a male mallard.  

But Lero runs in a zigzag pattern, and the stallion’s unable to hit the human.  

TWILIGHT SPARKLE THE STALLION

(while galloping after Lero and shooting)

Lero, try to think sensibly!   You’re a human, I’m a pony: I will catch up to you the moment your adrenaline runs out!  

LERO

I didn’t want to have to do this...

Lero suddenly stops and pulls a small but valuable-looking old book out of his pocket, giving Twilight a good look at its cover.  The stallion comes to a halt.

TWILIGHT SPARKLE THE STALLION

(aghast)

That’s not my first edition copy of Draw, O Coward, is it?

Lero throws the book through the open window of some other pony’s house, before Twilight can think to catch it with her telekinesis.  Twilight’s knee-jerk reaction is to leap through the window after it, while Lero flees, taking a turn down a side block.

He keeps running and running, but all of a sudden, he finds the way blocked by, of all things... a wall of miniature tornados.

RARITY THE STALLION

(calling from above)

You needn’t be frightened of a good thing, my sweet prince!  

Lero looks upward in horror. As a mare, Rarity was a paradigm of elegant femininity. After being transformed into a stallion... nothing’s changed in that score. His mane and tail are just the same as they were before, as are his expressions and body language.  From atop the cloud platform he rides, Rarity flutters his eyes at Lero, and blows him a kiss.

The human goes as white as Rarity’s coat.

LERO

(choked, under-his-breath)

It’s like all my nightmares come true at once... GRK!

Lyra has snuck up behind Lero.  The aqua-colored stallion had jabbed his horn lightly upon a certain part of Lero’s back, and he collapses into a boneless heap.  

He looks up at Lyra’s face from the ground.

LERO

You too, Lyra?

LYRA THE STALLION

My deepest apologies.  But we’re not letting you back out on this.  You gave us your word.

Lero tries moving a limb, but it won’t budge.

LERO

What’d you do to me, anyway?

LYRA THE STALLION

Still Way paralysis spell.  Don’t worry, it’ll wear off.

Soon enough, Twilight’s there.  

TWILIGHT THE STALLION

Alright!  Time to get down to business!  Three, two, one...!

Twilight points his horn at Lero and hits him with a pink beam.  Rarity comes down from the sky and hops off his cloud platform.  

LYRA THE STALLION

Whoa.  The beard’s just... gone.

RARITY THE STALLION

And he... she certainly, ah, filled out that shirt!

LERO THE WOMAN

I’m not hearing this!  I’m not hearing this!  

TWILIGHT THE STALLION

Now for the big follow-up spell!

Twilight casts the Ponyfication spell on Lero, turning her into a mare.

TWILIGHT THE STALLION

(blushing)

Whoa...

Rarity approaches Lero.  By now, the paralysis has worn off.

RARITY THE STALLION

Lero, my love, may I be first to assure you that as mare, you look every bit as ravishingly desirable as you are when you’re a stallion, or a human, even if that desirability is of a slightly diff...

(eyes widen)

...My love?

Lero has risen up to a sit, but she looks distinctly unhappy, especially when looking down at her body.  Vulnerable and about to cry.  This is when Rainbow Dash the Stallion lands protectively in front of Lero the Mare, glaring down at his herdmates reproachfully.  

RAINBOW DASH THE STALLION

Enough!  What do you think you’re doing, hunting Lero down like dogs after a rabbit?  You ought to be ashamed of yourselves!  This is NOT how mares treat the stallion they love!  Or vice versa!  

TWILIGHT SPARKLE THE STALLION

(stammering)

But... but Lero told us that he wanted to do it...

LYRA THE STALLION

And all the rest of us went and let ourselves be changed, but when it was Lero’s turn, he chickened out...

RAINBOW DASH THE STALLION

Yeah, that’s right!  He chickened out!  He got cold feet at the last minute!  Is that a crime?  

Rarity breaks down crying.  

RARITY THE STALLION

(weeping)

I... I just wanted to have a little one of my own!  A daughter or son that was Lero’s and mine!  

RAINBOW DASH THE STALLION

Well, if Lero’s not comfortable with it, then this method isn’t the answer.  We’ll have to think of something else, something which Lero will be fine with.

LERO THE MARE

No, Dash... it’s okay.

She stands back up, looking at Twilight.    

LERO THE MARE

(resolutely)  

Twilight, you really think this might work?  You really think me being the mare will bring us a child?

TWILIGHT SPARKLE THE STALLION

I can’t say for sure.  But it’s worth a shot, right?

LERO THE MARE

(looking slowly up and down Twilight’s body)

Then I’ll do it.  

LYRA THE STALLION

Fingers... you don’t HAVE to force yourself to do this!

LERO THE MARE

(reexamines Lyra with newly interested eyes)

No. I really do want to do it now.  

(licking her lips)

I believe in Twilight... and besides…

(starting to grin, turning to openly ogle Rainbow Dash)

We’ve all been wanting this for the longest time.  

(turns to grin wider at Rarity)

So let’s all go home and... get busy together.

(blinks)

… Twilight, why am I…

TWILIGHT THE STALLION

Erm… I may have specified in the spell that it would turn you into a fertile mare.

RAINBOW DASH THE STALLION

Twilight, are you saying you put Lero into heat?

TWILIGHT THE STALLION

Of course I did!  The whole purpose of our transformations was to create a foal, wasn't it?

Lero stamps a hoof impatiently.

LERO THE MARE

Enough!  Enough already!  I have four of you and between you all that MIGHT be enough! Let’s get going already!

Rarity gives a girlish squeal of delight.  He nuzzles against the newly-made mare as they all start walking home.  

RARITY THE STALLION

Oh, Lero, THANK you!  I know you’re a bit apprehensive... every filly is when she’s never done it before.  But I promise you, we’ll all be perfectly gentle with you for your very first time.  Trust me, you’ll come to LOVE this!  

LERO THE MARE

Rarity, I’m sure later I’ll be very mad about the whole ‘heat’ thing, but right now the only thing I can think about is you gir… uh, guys. Gyah! Am I dripping something?

RAINBOW DASH THE STALLION

(swallowing)

A little.  Mmm.... I never appreciated how glorious that aroma was before.

TWILIGHT SPARKLE THE STALLION

I should really write down some of these observations on how physiology affects psychology...

Lero intertwines her tail with his.  

TWILIGHT SPARKLE THE STALLION

...After we’re done.

LERO THE MARE

Then let’s GO!

The five of them all gallop home.

Thirty Minutes Later...

We join Spike in his bedroom. His lights are turned off, and the little dragon’s trying VERY HARD not to hear what’s taking place a few doors down in the master bedroom.  

LERO THE MARE

[X-rated groaning]

RARITY THE STALLION

[X-rated grunting]

TWILIGHT SPARKLE THE STALLION

[X-rated gasping]

RAINBOW DASH THE STALLION

[X-rated moaning]

LYRA THE STALLION

[X-rated panting]

SPIKE

(miserably)

I wish I was back at camp.  

Spike jams his pillow HARD against his ears, but he can STILL HEAR THEM at it.  

LERO THE MARE

Time out!  Time out!  Everypony, time out!  

RAINBOW DASH THE STALLION

(panting, worried)

What’s wrong?  Did I hurt you, baby?

LERO THE MARE

No.  No, nothing’s wrong, I’m okay, just... Dear GOD, how is it you know how to use those so well?!  You’re all GIRLS!  

LYRA THE STALLION

One word, Fingers: coolers.

LERO THE MARE

Coolers?  That... makes a rather distressing amount of sense...

TWILIGHT SPARKLE THE STALLION

Of course it does!  Thanks to coolers, your average mare has ten times more first-hoof experience with penetration -- giving and receiving -- when they turn twenty than most stallions have at the same age!

LYRA THE STALLION

And the funny thing is how this is being on the giving end’s suddenly twenty times more MEANINGFUL as a stallion than it’d ever be for a mare with a cooler!

LERO THE MARE

(sighs, then says)

Time in, I guess.  Unnfff!!! ....aaahhh...

RARITY THE STALLION

Mmmm... Lero, you’re soooo tight, my sweet prince...ss!

LERO THE MARE

And you’re so thick, Rarity...

SPIKE

I hate my life, I hate my life, I really, really HATE my life...!

One Month Later…

All the mares of Herd Bellerophon, including Lero… who’s been kept as a mare this whole time, are all seated on a couch in an obstetrician’s office, listening in on what the Obstetrician has to report.

LYRA

Triplets, you say?

RARITY

And each individual one of them is from a different… ah… father?

OBSTETRICIAN

Yes, that is indeed what I said.

LERO THE MARE

I had no idea triplets could WORK that way.

RARITY

Oh, this is so wonderful!

She cuddles against Lero.

RARITY

Lero, this is the best gift you’ve ever given me!  

LERO THE MARE

(uncomfortable, forced grin)

Yeah… all those pony transformation and feminization spells Twilight's been casting on me… I’m glad it wasn’t for nothing!  So, doctor, how long do you estimate my pregnancy will last for?

OBSTETRICIAN

Things seem to be progressing normally. I’d say about… ten more months from this point in time.

Later that night…

Twilight Sparkle is downstairs reading a book while Spike is nearby, working on a jigsaw puzzle.  She looks up at the clock.

SPIKE

Time for Lero’s next dosage?

TWILIGHT SPARKLE

(shuts her book)

Yes, I’d say so.

She climbs the stairs, but as she nears the master bedroom, she hears quiet sobbing.   From the doorway, she peers in to see Lero atop the bed, looking back and forth between a photo of her old human self and a personal-sized mirror.  

LERO THE MARE

[Weeping]

TWILIGHT SPARKLE

(softly, her heart goes out to him)

Lero...

But then she watches Lero calm down and flip both the mirror and the photograph face-down on the bed.  Shutting her eyes, Lero sits up straight.

LERO THE MARE

You’re still Lero.  You’re still the glue that holds this family together.  What’s more, you have three supremely precious little lives depending on you getting through this.  No changing back until then. So man up, Michaelides!  You can do this all by yourself!

(then she calls out)

Twilight!  

Twilight Sparkle ducks her head back into the hallway.

LERO THE MARE

(from within the bedroom)

I’m ready for my next dosage!

Twilight takes a breath and calls back to Lero.

TWILIGHT SPARKLE

Be right there, Lero!

(then, quietly to herself)

I gotta talk to the other girls…

The next morning...

Lero’s just gotten dressed and is descending the stairs.

LERO THE MARE

(yawns, then calls out)

Morning, everyone!

SPIKE

(calling up from below)

Morning, Lero!  Breakfast is on the table!

But the former human freezes up upon her first look into the kitchen.  The other five are eating breakfast at the table.  But where yesterday, Lero’s mares were mares, today they’re very decisively not.

TWILIGHT SPARKLE THE STALLION

Good morning, sweetheart!

He kisses her.

RAINBOW DASH THE STALLION

Did you sleep well?

LERO THE MARE

(uncertainly)

Uh… yeah.

She joins them at the table, eyeing the four stallions in bafflement.  

SPIKE

(excited)

It’s Prench toast today!  

The young dragon holds an entire slice of buttery Prench toast upon a fork, dripping with maple syrup.  Then Rarity levitates a large platter of Prench toast towards Lero and fills up her plate with slice after slice.

RARITY THE STALLION

Please, have as much as you want!  After all, you’re eating for four now!

Lero bends close to the white stallion’s ear, trying to make sense of this.

LERO THE MARE

(whispering)

Are we scheduled for any birds-and-bees activities today?  

Rarity frowns.

RARITY THE STALLION

(whispering back)

Maybe later tonight, after dinner.  But today’s a workday, Lero.  We all have jobs to go to!

LERO THE MARE

(speaking aloud)

But why are you all male then?

SPIKE

(perplexed)

Why shouldn’t they all be male?

The other five members of Lero's family all give her puzzled looks.  She falls into a horrified lapse of silence.

SPIKE

Ha ha ha ha ha!  Gotcha!

The others start laughing too.

LERO THE MARE

You little twerp!  I was just about to go find Discord and have him put me back in the right reality!  

She begins eating the Prench toast in a huff.  Lyra turns to Rainbow Dash.  

LYRA THE STALLION

So, Rainbow, anything noteworthy on your to-do list today?

RAINBOW DASH THE STALLION

Well, Mrs. Hibiscus’ golden retrievers have gotten an ear infection… I’ll have to go look at them.  What about you, Lyra?

LYRA THE STALLION

There’s a Royal Guard meeting that I’m going to have to attend.

RARITY THE STALLION

And as for me; my team and I are going to be heading south to stir up a powerful westerly wind.

LERO THE MARE

Whoa, whoa, whoa!  No one’s answered my question, girls: why are you all male?

The stallions all look at Lero.

TWILIGHT SPARKLE THE STALLION

Solidarity.

LERO THE MARE

Solidarity?

RARITY THE STALLION

Yes.  Oh, my dear sweet Lero… we know we’re asking the world of you, having you give up your humanity AND your very maleness for us for a solid year.

LYRA THE STALLION

Essentially, you’re being pregnant FOR us.  

RAINBOW DASH THE STALLION

And we know how deeply your reputation has already taken a hit with everypony else.  So this is our way of showing that we would never ask you to do a thing that we’re not willing to do ourselves!  We’ve decided that if you’re going to have to suffer through having your gender bent, then we’ll be right there with you!  

TWILIGHT SPARKLE THE STALLION

It may not be exactly the same as your pregnancy, but we're still sacrificing quite a lot, culturally, by turning ourselves into stallions!  But it's worth it, just so you'll always know, every step of the way, that no matter what, we’re all in the same boat!

The stallions all grin at Lero.

LERO THE MARE

Twilight, Rarity, Dash, Lyra… this is a very touching gesture.  But Twilight… you really need to switch yourselves back to girls again.  Otherwise, how’ll anyone recognize you?

Rarity turns and presents her rainbow-adorned flank.  

RARITY THE STALLION

Oh, I don’t know how anypony could possibly recognize me in this state.  I might be mistaken for, I don’t know, Rainbow Dash.  

He laughs, as does Rainbow Dash, while Lyra, Lero, and Twilight exchange glances.  Spike looks at all the stallions with deep admiration.

SPIKE

(deeply moved)

Whoa, you guys... this is all really BIG of you!   Now I kinda wish I could join this solidarity thing of yours too!

Smiling, Twilight charges up his horn.

TWILIGHT SPARKLE

You do?  Say no more!

Spike's eyes widen: he'd spoken too soon!  His holds his hands out, trying to tell Twilight to stop!

SPIKE

Tw...!

Poof!  

LYRA THE STALLION

Spike!  You're... you're...

LERO THE MARE

(squints at Spike)

Did anything even happen?

FEMALE SPIKE

(angrily and much more higher-pitched voice)

Of course it did!  

LERO THE MARE

WHOA!

Lero nearly falls out of her chair.  Visually, the changes wrought in Spike are almost imperceptible, the dragon baby's now slightly curvier than before.  Vocally, though, there's no denying she's now a girl.  

FEMALE SPIKE

Well, I hope you appreciate what I'm doing for you, because you REALLY owe me big THIS time, buddy!

And the new she-dragon hops off her chair and stomps off to her room.   Lero turns to the stallions.

LERO THE MARE

Please, this isn’t funny any more.

RAINBOW DASH THE STALLION

But we're not trying to be funny, Lero.

Lero sets her hooves down firmly on the table.

LERO THE MARE

Now everyone, let’s all take a moment to discuss this matter rationally.  I’m sure I can get you to see reason.

One month later…

Twilight, Rarity, Lyra, and Rainbow Dash are still stallions.  They’re with Lero, out in the village green, trying to teach Fluttershy comedy.  Then an unwelcome passerby passes by.

HONEYDEW

Freaks!  Freaks!  Super-freaks!  Super-freaks!  You’re super-freaky!  Go back to the freakshow you freaky-deaky-freakazoids!  

One month later…

Herd Bellerophon is sitting at the dinner table across from Star Sparkle … who’s grinning at all the gender-swapped herdmates like she’s gotten forty Christmas presents early.

STAR SPARKLE

(with smug relish)

Oh, where to even begin…?

One month later…

LERO THE MARE

(vomiting in toilet)

GWWAAAAAGGGGGHHH!

She steps out into the hallway.  Rainbow Dash stands there with a deeply worried look.

RAINBOW DASH THE STALLION

Lero!  You okay?!

LERO THE MARE

Yeah, yeah, I’m…  *HURK*!

A fresh stomachful of vomit surges up Lero’s esophagus, and she retreats back into the bathroom.

LERO THE MARE

PWWWWAAAAAAAAAAUGGGHH!  

One month later…

Rarity and Rainbow Dash are being hit on by a gaggle of lusty mares right when they’re in the middle of shopping.  

LUSTY MARE #1

Four colts and just one filly?  Mmmm-mmmm!  You wanna know the one thing I see missing from that equation?  

(rubs against Rainbow Dash)

A few more… girls.  Don’t you agree, stud-muffin?  

LUSTY MARE #2

Come on, you know that’s not fair to the rest of us, one mare keeping four stallions to herself...

RAINBOW DASH THE STALLION

Um… er… well…

LUSTY MARE #2

Oooh, he’s shy!

Rarity scowls as a third girl trots ahead of him, lifting her tail invitingly.

RARITY THE STALLION

Ladies, I’m flattered, but my heart belongs to another!

RAINBOW DASH THE STALLION

Yeah!  Lero’s special!  

RARITY THE STALLION

We weren’t interested the first time you came onto us, and we’re not interested now!  

LUSTY MARE #3

Come on!  What’s this selfish broad got that I ain’t got?

RAINBOW DASH THE STALLION

A pair of hands!  Well… most of the time.  

One month later…

A wickedly sharp pair of scissors.  A baseball bat.  A bottle marked with a very prominent  skull-and-crossbones.  

Lero is at the Carousel Boutique with Applejack, inside her sewing room.  The clothes Lero currently wears are too awful for words.  The exit out had been boarded up.  There is a decidedly unhinged look to the pregnant mare’s eyes.  

LERO THE MARE

(unsettlingly calm)

Now AJ, let me tell you how this is going to go.  You are going to make me maternity outfits EXACTLY as I describe. No 'inspiration.' No muses.  Neither of us are leaving until you've finished to my satisfaction, and I will be watching you every step of the way.

APPLEJACK

(frightened smile)

Uhhhh…. sure thang, Lero!  Nothing’d please me more!

Applejack stretches her neck out towards a certain roll of fabric, mouth opening.

LERO THE MARE

Stretch yourself any further forward towards that roll of penguin-patterned haircloth, AJ, and the results might be… rather regrettable.

Sweating bullets, Applejack stretches her neck out towards a different roll of cloth.

LERO THE MARE

You have chosen wisely, Applejack.  Cotton good, haircloth bad.  Now let’s bring it over towards the sewing machine…. slowly.

One month later...

Herd Bellerophon is finally having its wedding; and they’ve pulled out all the stops!  Down the aisle walks Lero, flanked by her four handsome grooms.  

All their clothes have been been exquisitely designed from the richest fabrics.  But everypony in the pews seems to be murmuring about (and pointing at) Lero's tuxedo-gown; black and sleek with a large skirt and train, her bulging belly really shows.  The 'grooms' are in lacy, frilly white tuxes.

From where she sits, Applejack weeps with joy: Herd Bellerophon's wedding ensemble has truly been her magnum opus.

Lots of cameras are flashing in their faces, both from friends and family members, and from photojournalists.

LERO THE MARE

(unspoken thoughts, rather glum)

And someday, when my kids ask about my wedding… THIS’LL be what I describe to them.  Pictures of THIS will be what I’ll be hanging on the walls of my house.  Sweet Jesus, I might as well be the Norse God, Loki, just before he gave birth to Sleipnir.  And ain't that JUST the sort of thought I should have entering my head, right as I'm going down the aisle.

Up ahead, Lero winces to see Princess Celestia behind the altar; her and her scary wavering mane.  She will be officiating over her faithful student’s wedding.  All four grooms smile the closer they approach the Sun Goddess.  

Spike brings up the rear, multitasking as she walks behind the bride and grooms.  In one hand, she balances five golden rings on a white pillow. Her other hand is busy flinging rose petals behind her.    

One month later…

There’s a knock on the door.  Lyra answers it, to find a plump and bespectacled middle-aged mare there.

LYRA THE STALLION

Ah… hello!  Can I help you with something, ma’am?

PROFESSOR CULTURAL PARTICULARISM

You can indeed!  I’m Cultural Particularism, Professor of Hippology at the University of Balitmare, I’m here to speak with Mr. Michaelides, the human.

LYRA THE STALLION

(frowning)

No offense, but this is rather unexpected….

PROFESSOR CULTURAL PARTICULARISM

Unexpected?  I arranged this meeting with Mr. Michealides half-a-year in advance, through postal correspondence!  I’ve come quite punctually, I can assure you!  There’s so much I’m eager to learn about human culture… I’m planning on writing a huge book about Mr. Michealides’ whole life up until now!

LYRA THE STALLION

Er, would you mind waiting here for a second?

Lyra re-entered the house, leaving Professor Particularism to scowl at the door when he closes it in her face again.   A few minutes later, Lyra come back out.

LYRA THE STALLION

Well… as it turns out, Lero was scheduled to have a meeting with you, Professor.  

PROFESSOR CULTURAL PARTICULARISM

(tetchedly)  

Slipped your minds, did it?

LYRA THE STALLION

Yeah, we’ve had… other things on our plate.  But, listen, this is actually kind of a really inopportune time for Lero, now… could we reschedule?  Like, could you come back in another few months?

Professor Particularism just glares at Lyra coldly.

LYRA THE STALLION

You know what, I think I’ll just go fetch… him.

The aqua-colored stallion steps back in the house and returns with a dumpy-looking seven-months pregnant mare dressed in drab maternity pants and a grey shirt.

LERO THE HUMAN

So I understand you want to know all there is to know about human culture and being human?  Well, step right in, professor.  

PROFESSOR CULTURAL PARTICULARISM

Is this supposed to be some sort of a joke?!  

Lero sighs.  

One month later…

Spike sets her ear on Lero’s belly.

SPIKE

Whoaaa, I can feel them kicking!  

Lero smiles proudly.  

One month later…

Twilight Sparkle has a picture book open, reading a bedtime story to the triplets in Lero’s tummy.  The whole family’s, including Spike and even a few of Rainbow Dash’s animals, are all lying together on the big bed, all around Lero, listening to the story.  

TWILIGHT SPARKLE THE STALLION

...And so the Littlest Canary flew out to join the rest of the birds in the treetops, and they all sang their sweet melody together.  The End.

Closing the book, Twilight kisses Lero belly three times.

TWILIGHT SPARKLE THE STALLION

Sweet dreams, my little darlings.

Then he leans forward and kisses Lero as well.  Everyone atop the bed trades fond looks with one another, and snuggle up closer together.    

One month later...

The blessed day has arrived.  The four stallions of Herd Bellerophon are gathered around an exhausted but happy Lero in the delivery room.  A nurse stands off to the side.

Rainbow Dash, Lyra, and Twilight Sparkle are each nuzzling a newborn foal, all elated.

RAINBOW DASH THE STALLION

I have a son!  I have a son!

LYRA THE STALLION

Nurse, this filly really is mine?  

NURSE

We ran the test, and it came back positive: you and that lucky little filly share genetic code.

LYRA THE STALLION

I never thought I’d know happiness like this!  

Twilight Sparkle bends down towards his own daughter.  

TWILIGHT SPARKLE THE STALLION

We did it.  We did it, my little miracle.

FEMALE SPIKE

(to newborns)

Welcome to the family!  I'm your big sister!  Er... brother!

Behind them all stands Rarity, with a weirdly crooked smile, trying not to let jealousy get the best of him.

RAINBOW DASH THE STALLION

Congratulations, Lero!  You pulled through!

LERO THE MARE

(tiredly)

I sure did!  So now, Twilight… the foals are born… are you going to let the spells wear off?  

TWILIGHT SPARKLE THE STALLION

I think so.  Can’t say I’ll miss having to cast gender-and-pony transformation spells on you every five hours.  Really takes a lot out of you.  

RAINBOW DASH THE STALLION

It’s been so long…

(sighs wistfully)

I had that one stint as a model for Applejack, but most of my life, I’ve always been the skinny-flank mare. It was… sort of nice having ponies interested in me like that. Part of me’s almost scared to go back to being a mare.

LYRA THE STALLION

Not me.  I’m excited.  

FEMALE SPIKE

Yeah!  Being a girl's okay, but it's not really me.  Muscles, mustaches, and maidens galore... THAT'S the Spike I wanna be!  

LYRA THE STALLION

Plus, it’ll be nice having Lero as a human again.

LERO THE MARE

Missed the feel of my fingers, did you?

LYRA THE STALLION

That, among other things.

LERO THE MARE

Same here.  It’s been quite a ride, but I’m glad to get off.  

(she hugs all her newborns to her)

I’m just so happy my little angels came out so healthy, beautiful, and lovable.

RARITY THE STALLION

Uh…. Twilight?  Lero?  Is there any way we might hold off on Lero being human again for just ONE more year?  

LERO THE MARE

(one eye twitches)

What?!

RARITY THE STALLION

Just ONE year!  The rest of you girls can go back to your old filly selves, but I didn’t get my foal, and I don’t want to miss out!  

Rarity smiles beseechingly at the wide-eyed Twilight and Lero.

TWILIGHT SPARKLE THE STALLION

Rarity…

RARITY THE STALLION

PLEASE, Twilight, PLEASE!  When’s the last time I ever asked anything of you?!  Let’s cast the estrus on Lero right away… the sooner we get my foal conceived, the better!  I’m ready to go at a moment’s notice!  What do you say?