Rainbow Dash slammed down into her bed, back first. She simply stared at her cloud ceiling for a while. The trip home had been a blur—actually, everything since Twilight told her she was pregnant with her foal had been a blur. It all happened so quickly, Rainbow Dash couldn’t have coped with it even if she tried. Everything was distant, like it was all so far away she couldn’t hope to catch up. It was all slipping through her hooves, no matter how desperately she tried to hold onto it. She held her hoof out, looking at it quizzically for a moment.

“Why do I feel like this?” she asked herself. “I’m Rainbow Dash, the coolest, most in control pony ever...So why can’t I get control over this?” Dash slid her hooves up behind her head. Her eyes glazed over as she gazed past the fluffy texture of her ceiling, silently. The soft buzz of silence filled the room, a sound that could only be heard when no one was around. She hated this sound, it was lonely.

The pegasus let out a frustrated sigh as she let her mind wander. Dash couldn’t help but feel like she was sinking. No matter how much she tried to swim up, she only fell further down. She didn’t know what to do, how to react, what to feel—so she lay there. It was all she could do just to keep from getting overwhelmed by it all. But try as she might, it wasn’t any use; she couldn’t stop from feeling like she was drowning. Her mind was abuzz with thoughts and concepts she never pictured herself thinking. Thoughts of foals, marriage, adulthood, it all came crashing down, suffocating her.

“Foals are something old ponies worry about...” she muttered, “I’m still young—still in my prime! There’s way too much to do! I can’t be stuck with a kid...” she added with another sigh. Rainbow Dash shuddered just thinking about having a foal. Images of hospitals, pain, and doctors filled her head. For her, kids were a hassle she did not want to deal with, at least in this stage of her life.

“Scoots is a big enough pain for me, I can’t have a kid...” That was the lie she told herself, but inside she knew she simply wasn’t ready. It wouldn’t be fair for her child; she was too immature, too reckless, too stubborn, too impatient to have a foal. “The exact opposite of Twilight,” she thought.

With that thought, an image of Twilight smiling hung in her mind. The unicorn’s smiling face as she explained something Rainbow Dash didn’t understand; her frown when Rainbow Dash did something stupid; her eyes when Rainbow Dash kissed her for the first time outside the library that night. Every possible expression Twilight ever made—Dash could see in her mind like a freshly snapped picture. Twilight scolding her; Twilight caring for her; Twilight being there by her side. She could feel her heart pounding inside her chest just imagining the librarian.

“It’s yours, Dash.” Twilight’s words from earlier echoed in her mind. Memories from their night together were resurfacing. She could see the dark bedroom, feel the soft sheets, and smell the sweet scent of her friend‘s sweat. Her heart fluttered just reminiscing over that wonderful night. She sighed once more, remembering that it was because of that night she was in this mess.

Just thinking about it, she realized how little sense it made. “How could I even be the dad?” she muttered to herself. When Twilight said it was her, she believed her. But how could she be sure that Twilight was sure, or that she wasn’t lying? Twilight might just be trying to rope Dash into playing dad for some kid she got knocked up with. Dash immediately pushed that thought from her mind. Twilight wasn’t that kind of pony, and Dash knew that without a shadow of a doubt.

Twilight had to be completely smashed to loosen up for one of her best friends. Dash laughed to herself as she remembered how drunk Twilight was. There wasn’t any way some stranger could smooth talk his way into Twilight’s bed in only three weeks. That also made the assumption that Twilight swung both ways. Thinking about it, Rainbow Dash realized Twilight really had never shown an interest in any stallion. And after the night she had spent with her, she found it hard to believe that Twilight would go for a stallion. Besides, she knew Twilight better than that. Twilight wouldn’t lie to Dash about something like this; if Twilight said she was the only one she had slept with, then Dash didn’t have a reason to doubt her.

This was all because Twilight used that spell. She wouldn’t be in this mess if Twilight hadn’t given her a dick in the first place. She flipped over and buried her face in her pillow. Silently, Dash cursed magic for being so weird. She almost cursed Twilight by association, but she stopped herself before the thought even finished forming in her head. But it was already too late; her heart sank immediately as if she had actually said it aloud. Just imagining Twilight struggling with this, and Dash placing blame only on her, even for a moment made her hate herself. This wasn’t Twilight’s fault; Dash had to share the blame. She could have told Twilight no, she could have left, she could have pulled out—there were too many things that she had control of for her to say Twilight was solely to blame. She slammed her hoof into her bed.

It wasn’t fair for her to say this was all Twilight’s fault. The image of her friend crying still hung fresh in her mind. Tears dripping down her cheeks, her strained face, her choked sobs—it hurt to remember it all. Her heart felt like it had been crushed inside her chest just thinking about Twilight crying like that. She hated it, and she hated herself for being the cause of Twilight’s pain. She pulled herself from her pillow, hitting the mattress once more. “Stupid,” she muttered to herself.

When Twilight confessed feelings for her, Rainbow Dash felt her heart soar. She could have done two sonic rainbooms back to back just hearing those words. But instead of accepting those words like she wanted to, she ran. She ran away leaving her friend—the pony she loved—hurting. She left her on the edge, unsure of what was to come. She left her crying. She left her to walk back to the library, alone, in pain, with a terrible burden that Rainbow Dash left her with. She failed Twilight.

Rainbow Dash sat up in her bed. Her eyes drifted to the window. “I’m an idiot...” she muttered to herself.

-----------------------------

Twilight lay in her bed, staring at the wooden ceiling in her bedroom. The unicorn’s eyes idly drifted around, counting the rings in the wood. She was acutely aware that by keeping her mind working, it shouldn’t drift to more depressing matters. Yet, by the time she reached three-hundred, she was realizing the futility in her endeavor. Worrisome thoughts popped into her mind for brief moments in between numbers, seeping into those moments of mental silence.

Twilight honestly couldn’t tell how long she had been lying there. She knew it was night, and already the rain was falling down outside, but that was meaningless to her. The pitter-patter of raindrops tapping against the window turned to white noise—in fact, it wasn’t even registering as noise at all. Her eyes slowly fell upon the window. The pitch black abyss outside felt cold, but understanding. From when Rainbow Dash left till now felt like the longest single moment of her life. It could have been hours, days, or mere seconds since then. Twilight honestly didn’t know, but it didn’t matter. She had scared away Rainbow Dash—her foal’s father—the pony she loved.

Each passing instance of time dragged, but also flew by too fast to comprehend. Just lying there, she felt like a ghost, completely separate from her world. She was adrift on a sea of blackness, only able to see everything from afar. It was like she could only observe, unable to interact with what was around her. Everything was distant, or moving too fast, or maybe too far gone for her to catch it—whatever this sensation was, she didn’t like it. Loneliness couldn’t describe the depths forming in her heart. Slowly, a chilling ache pulsed with every beat of her heart. She was utterly alone.

Her eyes closed for a brief moment, and a lone blue feather fluttered down from the sky. Looking up, the sun was still barely visible through the clouds, the chill in the air, the wind against her face. She could still see the passing streets, the nameless ponies, the unending sea of houses as they walked. Then, without so much as a goodbye, she would leave in a rush. In a blur, she had taken to the sky. That lone blue feather would fall again, and the images and sensations would repeat. The still fresh image of Rainbow Dash flying away burned at her mind. The sound of the pegasus’s wings flapping still hung in the air, as if Twilight had just heard it.

“If only I hadn’t been so worked up...” Twilight muttered, pulling herself out from the insistent memory. The building water in her eyes peaked, forming small clear orbs; she didn’t care to wipe them away. All she knew was that she needed to talk to her—Twilight needed to know what Rainbow Dash wanted. Did she want to hide this? Did she want to give it up for adoption? Or did she want to take more drastic measures? Twilight’s body began to shake as the questions continued to pour in. Staring at the trailing drops of water on her window, the liquid hanging in her eyes finally fell.

“Twilight?” a soft voice called from the foot of her bed.

Twilight didn’t need to look, she already knew who it was. “Spike, can you do me a favor?” she asked with a trembling voice.

He didn‘t respond right away. He waited for a moment to build his courage. “You want me to leave you alone, don’t you...” he said, trailing off.

“No, I think I just need a hug right now...” Twilight looked over her shoulder with puffy, tear-filled eyes. The little dragon’s eyes went wide at the site of his caregiver crying. He hesitated, too surprised to respond for a moment before he finally gave Twilight a soft nod. Slowly, he climbed into bed with her. As he climbed onto her bed, Twilight rolled to face him. She pulled Spike in, wrapping her forelegs around him. He in turn, wrapped his arms around Twilight, squeezing her tightly. Twilight let out a sharp sob, and began to cry.

“I don’t know what to do, Spike,” she said in between sobs. “I’m going to have a foal, and Rainbow Dash is the dad, but she needed time to think, and...”

“J-just calm down, Twilight. I-I’m sure Rainbow Dash’ll—Wait, You’re having a foal? And Rainbow Dash is the dad? B-but how?”

“It’s complicated...don’t worry about that right now...” Twilight said, wiping her eyes. She let out a small sniffle. “What am I going to do, Spike?”

Spike’s thought process came to a dead stop. He didn’t know the first thing about relationships, foals, or anything Twilight was going through. He honestly didn’t know what advice to offer her. He looked up at Twilight. Her eyes were squeezed closed with tears streaming out from them, and she was sobbing uncontrollably. Just seeing her like that made his heart ache.

“I-I really don’t know, Twilight. M-maybe you could ask one of your friends for advice?” he offered, still holding onto her tightly.

“I can’t, Spike...You and Rainbow Dash are the only ones who can know for now...” Twilight muttered, wiping her eyes again. Twilight realized she made a mistake when she saw him so confused and conflicted. With a sigh, she hugged him tighter. “I really shouldn’t have put this all on you, you are still a baby dragon after all. This is probably too mature for you...”

“I’m mature,” Spike said in protest.

“This is grown-up stuff, Spike. You don‘t understand about these kind of things yet.” Twilight gave him a soft smile as she stroked his head in a loving manner.

“Well, maybe you just need to give Rainbow Dash some time. She isn’t the type of pony who would just abandon you.”

Twilight pondered that thought for a moment before a small smile made its way on her face. “You’re right…She is the Element of Loyalty after all.” Twilight nuzzled Spike’s cheek.

“And I might not know too much about foals, but I know two ponies have to love each other to make one.” Spike smiled at Twilight.

“Usually,” she said. Her eyes weighed heavy for a moment as she looked off to the side. She stared off in the distance, lost in her thoughts for a moment.

“And I know you like Rainbow Dash a lot too...”

Twilight sat silent for a moment before she finally spoke. “Spike, I think I would like to be alone after all.”

Spike let out a small sigh. He pulled away from his caregiver, sliding down the sheets as he did so. Twilight may have had a smile on her face, but clearly she wasn’t feeling any better. He could see small pools of liquid holding at the base of her eyes. Her lip was quivering slightly as she held her smile. She was on the verge of crying again, and Spike knew it. For a moment, he thought he had actually managed to cheer her up.

Quietly, Spike nodded to her. With another sigh, he climbed down off the bed. “I think I’ll sleep downstairs tonight, Twilight,” Spike added, grabbing his basket-bed as he spoke.

“Thanks, Spike,” Twilight said softly. He didn’t acknowledge her, but somehow, she knew he heard her.

-----------------------------

Hours had passed, and Spike had not disturbed Twilight since he went downstairs. The library had long since been dark, telling Twilight that Spike had gone to bed for the night. An occasional flash of lightning was the only source of light for the room, offering momentary glimpses of the unicorn’s book-filled bedroom.

Twilight still lay on her bed, continuing to stare at the darkness outside her window. The once tempest winds and torrential rains had long since died off to a quiet shower, gently tapping against the tree and windows. While the rain may have calmed, her heart had not. Thoughts of Rainbow Dash still filled her mind. The fear of an unfavorable reply stayed close to her thoughts. She could picture Dash shaking her head, and mouthing the words. Each time that image came forth, Twilight’s heart seized.

“What am I going to do if she rejects me?” she asked herself. Just thinking about trying to raise a foal on her own made her heart seize again. She placed her hoof on her stomach for a moment. “What will everypony say when they find out?” she asked herself softly. “They’ll probably hate me...” Another sharp pain shot from her chest, making her limbs go stiff.

Suddenly Twilight shook her head, and sat up in her bed. She stared across the dark bedroom. “I have too much to worry about. I can’t think about the more distant future, I need to limit it to one day at a time.” She pressed her hoof to her temple and let out a sigh. Softly, she ground into the soft spot, massaging away her pain.

“If only I hadn’t yelled at her, maybe things wouldn’t be like this.” Twilight could still hear herself yelling that she was pregnant in the town square. The eyes of every pony around her still burned into her mind. The look of complete shock in Dash’s face stayed in her mind for a moment. The hushed murmurs still echoed in her mind, inaudible, but Twilight’s imagination still filled in the blanks.

“At least everypony doesn’t know it’s hers...” Twilight said, trying to reassure herself. She gave a weak smile to the pitch-black room, hoping if she did, it would make her feel better. She fell back onto the bed, closing her eyes as she did so. The soft mattress welcomed her back, letting her sink into its surface easily.

“She did say she had feelings for me too...” Her heart loosened in her chest; no longer did it feel like it was being strangled. For a brief moment, Twilight dared to hope for the best, but that hope was immediately struck down when she imagined Rainbow Dash flying away once more. That fearful look in the pegasus’s eyes before they parted ways sent distress surging through the unicorn’s brain. Just thinking about it made tears come to her eyes again.

But before Twilight could begin to cry, she was interrupted by a soft tapping at her window. It was louder than the rain and had an actual rhythm, so the soft rapping wasn’t the weather playing tricks on her. Her ears perked up to make sure she simply wasn’t hearing things, and again she heard a soft knock on the glass. Twilight wiped the tears from her eyes before narrowing them at the darkness to form a clear picture. It didn‘t seem to help; all she could see was pitch black of night.

Reluctantly, she climbed out from her mattress’s soft embrace. The unicorn’s horn lit up, illuminating her room in a soft purple glow. She looked down to see the floor littered with small stacks of books, a veritable obstacle course. Twilight slowly crept across the floor. Each step she made carefully so she wouldn’t trip and wake Spike downstairs. As she approached the window, she thought her mind might have been playing tricks on her after all. There was no one outside her window. All she could see was the outline of houses below.

Twilight’s horn dimmed a bit as she turned around. With a small, dejected sigh, she started tiphoofing back to bed. She felt her heart deflate; for a brief moment she had hoped it was Rainbow Dash at her window. But just as she dismissed the tapping as a trick of her mind, she heard it again. The sudden knock against the glass, this time louder than it was before, made her jump. With a misplaced step, she slipped on a book, kicking it across the room, and toppling other piles it collided with. Twilight stumbled backwards, falling back first into her bedroom wall with a loud thud.

She shook her head a bit before looking towards the steps leading downstairs. She waited for a light to click on, and a sleepy voice to call up to her. But after a few moments, there was no light, or small voice. Twilight breathed a small sigh of relief. Her vision suddenly snapped back at the window. Twilight glared at it, though her anger was more directed at who, or whatever was outside causing the noise. With a hushed groan, the edges lit up with Twilight’s magic.

Twilight pried the window open, and as soon as she did, a shadowy figure darted in from the rainstorm. Instinctively, the glow of Twilight’s magic intensified as she readied a spell. However, once she saw a dripping blue pegasus with a rainbow-colored mane, her horn dimmed.

“R-Rainbow Dash?” she exclaimed. Suddenly she pressed her hooves to her mouth.

“Took you long enough to let me in! I thought I was going to freeze to death out there!” The pegasus flicked her mane to the side, sending water flying across the room.

Rainbow Dash was soaked from head to tail. Water slid down her feathers, pooling into droplets on the tips of her wings. Twilight watched as drops fell to the floor. The sight of the drenched pegasus standing in her bedroom made her laugh a bit to herself. Dash was standing with her legs apart, her wings held out, her head drooped, all so the rain would drip off her. But just as she was about to shake the excess water off of her, a towel dropped onto Dash’s head.

She looked out from under the towel to see Twilight smiling at her. Suddenly the towel started rubbing her down, guided by the unicorn’s magic.

“What are you doing here?” Twilight finally asked after she finished drying her friend off as best as she could.

Rainbow Dash shook her head violently a few times. When she stopped, she looked at Twilight with a cocky grin. Her mane was now perfectly styled—at least by Rainbow Dash’s standards. “I...uh...needed to talk to you...” she said, scratching the back of her head nervously.

“Look, I-I don’t know what I was thinking today. I-I wasn’t expecting anything from you, so you don’t have to help raise it, or pay foal support or anything like—” Twilight was met with a hoof in her mouth.

“Twi, let me say something before you burst into an apology. I came to say that we need to talk about this more. I mean, earlier today you surprised me with the whole ‘I’m pregnant’ thing, so we really couldn’t talk things out.” She pulled her hoof from Twilight’s mouth. “Now that I’ve had a bit to let the idea settle, we can actually talk about it, sound good?”

“Y-yeah...”

“Twilight?” A small voice came from downstairs. Twilight looked to the stairs before she motioned for Rainbow Dash to stay quiet. All the noise had managed to rouse her young assistant.

“Y-yeah, Spike?” she asked.

“Are you still up?” he asked. His voice was growing louder, he was actually coming up stairs.

“Y-yeah, I’m going to bed now, Spike. I-I’ll see you in the morning.” Spike seeing the pony she had been crying about all day up here with her would be too much to explain. Not to mention the awkward questions the little dragon would probably have for the two of them. This wasn’t something she wanted to deal with right now, especially with far more pressing matters at hoof.

The small footsteps coming up the stairs came to a halt. After a small pause they started heading back down stairs. “Alright, see you in the morning...and I hope you feel better too...”

Twilight breathed a small sigh of relief. “I’ll try, Spike.” Twilight smiled to herself.

“So I’m guessing we can’t talk here?” Dash asked, keeping her voice down.

“Where else would we go?” Twilight asked.

“Umm, if you don’t mind using that cloud walking spell, we could go to my house.” Dash shrugged her shoulders a bit at the offer.

Author's Notes:

If you have not read the previous chapters after 1/18/2014, there have been extensive rewrites. I would recommend rereading.