“Uh, hello?” I hesitantly called when I reached the door, looking up at it.

“Just a sec!” Applejack called out from somewhere in the house, to my greatest relief.

‘Just hope that bitch isn’t here anymore...’ I thought, frowning. After a moment, the door slowly opened and I was looking up at Applejack, who I still thought was beautiful, even in this bloody pony body. She warmly smiled down at me.

“Well, what’s a little filly doing out here by yerself?” She asked after looking past the porch, presumably looking for parents.

“Um, is Princess Celestia here?” I hesitantly asked, moving a hoof around on the wood, acting like I was her student or something.

“Ah’m sorry, but she’s left already. Had to go back to Canterlot for ‘Royal Duties’ and the like.” Applejack answered, causing me to grin, probably very creepily.

“Bloody good! Don’t know what’s got her panties in a wad, but I’m glad she isn’t here!” I exclaimed, blushing when she looked at me in both shock and caution.

‘Shit, forgot to explain my predicament.’ I thought, face…hoofing? Yea, facehoofing.

“Sorry, AJ. It’s Mark. I’ve been turned into a bloody filly for some God forsaken reason.” I explained, looking back up at her. She frowned down at me.

“Now, how do Ah know you’re not just lying to get inside?” She cautiously asked. Another reason to like her.

“Fair enough. I still happen to think you’re gorgeous, in my opinion.” I answered, looking up at her with a grin. She blushed deeply and stammered something, but moved aside to I could walk in.

“Uh… Ah… Gotta go work with Big Macintosh!” She managed to say, before bolting out of the house, the door casually swinging shut behind her. I chuckled lightly and went over to the kitchen, where I nudged open a cabinet and took out an apple, because I was fucking hungry. That gum did not help worth a shit.

“Applejack, are ya in the kitchen?” I heard Applebloom call out.

“Nope, just Mark.” I replied with the deepest voice I could make, hopping up onto the table, planning on messing with her. I watched in stealth mode as Applebloom bolted into the kitchen, and stopped in confusion.

“Huh? Where’d ya go?” She asked, looking under the table. I quietly crawled to the edge and hung over as best as I could without hands, and grinned creepily. She took her bloody time to turn around, and instead of getting startled, she grinned back at me.

“Well, that didn’t work…” I muttered, before sliding the rest of the way off and landing on my back with a grunt, a very loud crack coming from the top of my head and a hole appeared in the floor.

“AH!” Applebloom yelped in surprise.

“Jesus!” I yelled at the same time, as Big Macintosh and Applejack ran into the house, worried as shit. Both Big Mac and AJ appeared to blush when they saw that I was in a compromising position, still a little dazed. How I noticed a blush on Big Mac, I wouldn’t know.

‘Well, at least I think I know where my guns went…’ I thought, rolling my eyes before looking back up at them through my legs.

“Like the view, AJ?” I teasingly asked, wearing a shit-eating grin. Glancing back at me, I could see that Applebloom was confused, while Applejack appeared to choke on something and leave the room, her face beet red. I rolled over and looked up at Big Macintosh.

“Um…” Was all he said as I stared up at him.

“Applejack likes me. A lot.” Was all I said, before getting up and casually trotting upstairs to take a shower.

After getting upstairs, I quickly figured out how to turn on the shower as a pony. It was bloody annoying, but I got it done.

"Ahhh..." I moaned out lightly. "Feels just right for some reason, even if it's still freezing..."

"...Please, tell me you're not a pony." Timeithian suddenly said, causing me to jump and let out an adorable shriek that did not fit my personality at all.

'I'm not a bloody pony!' I thought very loudly, frowning.

"Hm. Actually, you're right. You just look like a Pony. Did you happen to wander into a patch of weird blue flowers yesterday?" He asked.

'Faceplanted into them. Why?' I asked, confused.

"The flowers are called Poison Joke. They do crap to you that they think is funny. The flowers took away your body and gender for a joke. Ask Applebloom or Applejack to take you to a Zebra named Zecora to fix you up." Timeithian explained, giving me instructions for help.

'Alright. I'll go to her after my shower. Just hope those bloody zombies aren't on the loose in the daytime.' I told him, getting back under the water.

"They only come out at certain times of the year; last night was the last one for a few months." He said, before breaking the connection.

"Freakin' Princes... At least I can get my body back..." I muttered, turning off the shower and shaking water off of my coat.

"For putting you through this bullshit, I'm giving you an invitation to Captain Shining Armor's wedding in Canterlot, clearance to bring weapons, and one weapon of your choice. Once Celestia takes a chill pill, of course." Timeithian suddenly said.

'The fuck would I WANT to go to a bloody Royal Guard's wedding?' I asked, raising an eyebrow.

"To get a feel for our culture, for one. And for another, I have no real warriors in my section of the guard. Also, the Changelings are getting bolder. I fear that they will try something, even with the Captain’s shield that he's making." Timeithian explained.

'...ANY weapon I want? With how much ammunition?' I asked, getting an idea, a grin forming upon my face. It was a grin that was only used for evil plotting.

"As long as it's within reason. I know what human weapons are capable of, so I WILL NOT bring you a fucking nuclear missile." Timeithian said.

'Wasn't planning on a nuke. Have you ever heard of an M60?' I asked.

Next Chapter: Royalty is Creeping Estimated time remaining: 14 Hours