“Ungh…” I groaned as I reawaken, trying to remember where I was. All at once, memories slammed into my brain, making me recoil mentally, trying to process them.

‘Alright. I’m in a forest, being hunted by ponies with golden armor. Helped one survive zombie ponies last night, he left at dawn. It looks about 5 now, so I need to get up somewhere soon. Gotta keep moving.’ I thought, before standing up…only to fall onto my back.

“What the hell?” I asked myself, only to find that my voice was a higher pitch. When I looked down at my body from the ground, to my shock I was about the same size as Applebloom, but had a horn, had an Afghan sand colored coat, my mane was cut at about two inches long and was pitch black, and my tail was the same, only several inches longer.

‘…..’ I mentally sighed, and tried getting up on all fours this time. ‘Bloody world probably got to me, finally. Took almost two weeks.’ I thought, and tried to see if I had this ‘Cutie Mark’ that Applebloom seemed to worship. After several minutes of turning around, I finally gave up and only turned my neck, and saw that, I indeed, had a Cutie Mark. It was the US Marine logo, a small brick of C-4 next to it, and the letters EOD under the logo.

“…Seems fitting…” I muttered, before trying to get used to walking as a pony. Something about my body felt…off, but it wasn’t just the body itself. I just couldn’t put my finger, or hoof as it were, on it. After I finally got walking down, I looked to see that my stuff were nowhere in sight.

'FUCK.’ I thought, smashing a hoof into the ground, furious as hell. I sighed and look around, hoping to find an easy way to leave. ‘Might as well return to town. Hopefully there’s bombs and shit here so I could at least get a job doing stuff like that…’ I thought as I walked through the trees, wary in case the zombies came back. As I slowly traversed through the forest, I heard two voices slowly coming my way. I instantly froze, and quickly jumped into some bushes, wincing as I felt a snake slither over me.

“…him going this way.” The guard from earlier said. “I just don’t know how far he’s gotten. From what I’ve seen of him, though, Celestia is wrong about him being absolutely cruel to ponies!” He added, getting another point, while Celestia losing one of the little she had. I was mentally keeping score of every pony that I met, and so far the Apple family and this guard were at the very top. Celestia was at the bloody bottom, with Timeithian a little higher.

“It doesn’t matter! Celestia said he’s dangerous and to kill him if he’s seen.” The other voice, a mare from what I could tell, yelled. The snake was not making my position anymore comfortable, in fact, I was probably about to bolt, whether or not the guards were gone or not. A hissing coming from it reminded it exactly why I didn’t bloody like snakes, and I did indeed bolt.

I also did not, in fact, scream like a bloody girl, no matter what these bloody ponies say otherwise.

“Who’s there!?” Male guard shouted, facing me. His look of surprise was added with concern and confusion when he saw me. The spears pointing at my face lowered, to my relief.

“Hey, Gray Steel, did you see a Unicorn filly while fighting these ‘zombponies’ of yours?” The mare asked, looking at Steel with confusion and a slight hint of amusement.

‘….What.’ I thought, hoping to whatever was the equivalent of God in this realm that she was just joking. What this Steel said next shot that hope down with a tank.

“No, I didn’t see her here last night. Maybe she accidentally messed up a teleportation spell. Is that right?” Steel asked, slowly coming over to me.

‘Sweet mother of Jesus, I’ve been turned into a bloody Unicorn filly. A FILLY! I fucking hate you now, Timeithian.’ I thought, clearly not amused. I had a great way of hiding my emotions, and just nodded slowly, showing just enough amount of fear and hesitation to make a believable scared filly lost in the forest. The mare nodded and walked over to me, earning a flinch and I backed up, knowing that if she discovered who I was she’d kill me without a second thought. ‘Get on Steel’s good side, and I have a good chance at living.’ Was what I thought, looking up at her in fear.

Seems I can make a really convincing scared face.

“Uh, Brass? I think she’s scared of you…” Steel said, looking at me in concern. Brass nodded and stepped back, allowing Steel to slowly come towards me. I still showed fear on my face (Mostly because either one of them could make my head pop like a grape, if needed.), but not as much as I did towards the other one. “Hey there… We’re going to help you out of this forest…” He said, in a voice that I personally thought was completely retarded, but I slowly nodded anyway.

“C-Could you take me back to Ponyville?” I hesitantly asked, remembering the town that was next to Sweet Apple Acres.

‘If I could just get to the Apple family…’ I thought. Steel nodded and beckoned for me to follow them as they set off. I did, rather eager to get the hell out of this forest.

“So, miss…?” He said, looking down at me.

‘…Fucking forgot to make a name…. ah hell, might as well make something up on the spot rather than never…’ I thought, before looking back up at him.

“I’m Tan Bloom.” I replied, throwing two random words together like these ponies seem fond of doing.

“That’s…an odd name for a Unicorn…” He hesitantly said, raising his eyebrow.

“I wonder myself….” I muttered, not breaking stride with them. Steel looked at me with sympathy while Brass just nodded, probably not caring and just wanting to kill me.

“Hey, did you happen to see a large, bipedal creature carrying around a black, metal stick thing?” Steel asked, looking at me.

“No, can’t say that I have…” I lied, shaking my head. Both of them frowned, but nodded and continued going to, where I hope, Ponyville was.

[About an hour and running from various critters later]

“Really hate Manticores…” Steel muttered, panting heavily at the edge of the forest. I wearily nodded in agreement, about to collapse in exhaustion.

‘Normally I would bloody run that long in my sleep…’ I thought, hiding a frown at my extremely decreased stamina.

“Where in Ponyville are you staying?” Steel asked, looking over at the town.

“I live over by Sweet Apple Acres, I can make it from here.” I said, waving goodbye with a hoof. They returned it and walked back into the forest that I considered evil. With a sigh of relief, I slowly set off to Sweet Apple Acres, collecting and sorting my thoughts.

I made all of this stuff on a whim, so :P