At the end of every month the humans of Equestria would gather at Fort Reach, a military base on the outskirts of Ponyville, to grill out and relax in a way that only humans could. Now, most ponies didn't mind the cooking and eating of meat. In point of fact, most ponies were omnivorous, with fish being their regular source of protein. And Ponyville was the home of Equestria's first, and now most successful chain of fast food restaurants, Hay Burger. A nautical themed restaurant that had an uncanny resemblance to Spongebob's favorite place of employment.

However, while fish, chicken, and potatoes made for a nice variety to salads, pasta, and sandwiches... it was nice to gather around a fire pit and burn animal flesh while consuming grain alcohol. In other words, having a barbecue while drinking beer with ones comrades in arms.

As for what was being slowly turned on the spit…

Deep within Ghastly Gorge there's a race of big pig, called Buzz Boars. A wild pig that could reach 300 pounds, was as tall as a pony, and complete with a small brain and a nasty attitude problem. The animal got its name from the saw teeth-like growths along its spine. When riled up, they would roll into a ball and pull a Sonic the Hedgehog, spinning in place before launching towards its intended victim.

It gave a new meaning to razorback. Anon mentioned something along the lines of 'Operators in Equestria' and chuckled darkly about 'Filth' and 'Tiachuawonga' as he blasted one in the face.

Needless to say, both Celestia and Fluttershy gave their okay for the humans to hunt the animal. Culling the pig's numbers to keep them from overpopulating the Gorge and branching out into pony territory where they could harm somepony. Problem was that the Buzz Boar were a nasty yet clever animal that one had to hunt by air… thank god for helicopters and snipers.

But one digresses.

Everyone was relaxing, the one rule (to win without severe injury/murder) football game had just ended, and Doc had just rung the dinner bell. With a plate full of BBQ pork dripping with sauce, a baked potato with all the trimmings and a nice cold glass of beer, Mark made his way over to one of the tables and sat back to watch the sun set. A quick headcount at the time told him that Max and Bill were not present; Max was coming, and Bill had taken a trip to Chryssie's Hive for an inspection.

"Really… again?" Jane asked as Duffy slid into a chair across from her.

"Huh," he blinked before looking down at a bandaged hand. "Oh this, yeah, Rainbow got a little overzealous last night," he smiled before holding up his other hand. "But at least it wasn't my trigger finger this time."

"Dude, what is it with ponies and their finger fetishes?" o'Drake said with a shiver.

"Not all of them have a finger fetish," Private Smith said from down the table. Mark's been meaning to promote the lot of them for a while, but just never got around to it. "Hey, Shepard, you started this, so what fetish does the prince have?"

"Er… but I didn't," she flinched.

"Come on sniper girl," Duffy chuckled as all eyes turned towards her. "We want to know."

Thinking quickly she hit on a way out of her predicament, "Only if the General goes first…"

"AJ has an outdoors fetish, the fact she might be seen drives her wild." Mark said without a second thought. Slowly his gaze ventured to Jane who's mouth had dropped open in surprise. "What, didn't think I'd answer?"

"So come on Janie…" this time it was Blake who pressed. "Spill it."

"I have a better idea," Mark announced, taking a little pity on the female sniper. Just a little. The guy was pratically raised by /b/, after all. "Since this can of worms is open, how about we go around the table… starting with my man Blake here?"

"Guess I stepped in that one," he grumbled before taking a swig of beer. "Rarity has a mud fetish."

"Wait, we are talking about little miss purity here right?" Jane asked.

"She goes to great pains to hide it, but she really gets off on being covered in mud," he chuckled and Mark had to agree, having seen the white unicorn's reaction to the mud baths at the spa. "Now she hates dirt, but mud… she's had a thing for it ever since the Sisterhooves Social some two or three years ago."

"Next," Mark barked as the information sank in.

"Spanking, actually." Veetor called out from the other end of the table. "Lyra was a good filly, but every time she was punished she enjoyed the hell out of it."

"Aloe really likes massages." Gary Steele made his turn, rubbing his fingers. "I can't do as well as Mark can, but she doesn't bitch either way."

"Pinkie likes it rough," Gallan took his turn. "I'm not talking painfully rough here, but she likes it fast and hard."

"Bacon," was all Doc said, but the odd looks he suddenly received (pretty much a collective 'nigger wat') that forced him to elaborate. "Shy is the most loving and caring pony to ever live, and would never hurt a fly unless forced to," he smiled. "But she has a love/hate thing for bacon, she gets wet just smelling it cook, let alone eating it."

"Holy shit," Duran gasped out, "And here I thought Cheerilee's schoolgirl fetish was a bit odd."

"Well, two for one, thanks Rick." Mark laughed. "Next?"

"Well, Harvest and I haven't gotten around to discussing our fetishes yet." McDermontt shifted uncomfortably.

"It's fine." Mark calmed the Gunney. "Next."

"Brushing teeth." Shelton said without hesitating. "Teeth in general, really." He licked his new pearly whites as he said this. Free 'fillings', as in he got a completely new set of teeth.

"There's no big surprise there." Sven deadpanned.

"Twilight likes to be read to," Schmit spoke up. "She gets hot when I read to her out loud, in German."

"That makes sense," Blake nodded after a moment. "She is a know-it-all and a librarian. Tobias."

"Haven't found anyone yet, remember?" The former NASA employee answered. The humans nodded a little and looked to the only black man there.

"Cooking." Callum replied, cracking his neck. "Doesn't matter what it is, cooking always gets her off. Even if it's just cereal."

"Music." Sergio and Huka said at the same time. "Vinyl/'Tavi secretely loves classical/dubstep." That got a few chuckles.

"Luna is a voyeur," Jeremy was next to speak. "She likes getting fucked while watching other pony's wet dreams."

"And suddenly I feel really violated," Gallan shivered.

"Why," Jane cooed. "Did someone have an erotic dream last night?"

"errr… No." Luke shifted uncomfortably in his seat.

"Well, we had one princess," Mark turned to Anon and waited.

"My Nightmare, the evil one who wanted to take over all of Equestria… likes to be tied up and dominated."

The entire table was silent for a moment until Johnnie gave a cough. "I did not see that one coming." Yeah, Mark pretty much said fuck it and allowed him to drink booze. He still hasn't been allowed to tap AB, though.

"Funny," Anon gave a wicked smile. "I get to at least twice a night."

"And who's next," Jane turned to find Judy with a fork halfway to her open mouth.

"Do I have to," the pilot asked as she put her fork down.

"… Yes…" everyone at the table said together.

"Like most men, Big Mac has a thing for tits, big, plump, human tits…" she sighed and most thought she was through, but… "However, his fetish is breast milk."

"Wait… what?" Schmidt shook his head.

"The women in my family have all been wet nurses," she elaborated. "We start producing milk when around a young child for too long, so it didn't take long once we adopted Apple Spice for me to start lactating. At first Big Mac was just trying to help drain the excess milk out of my breasts, but he became hooked one night after accidentally suckling on one of my tits… and I find it kind of erotic to feel him nursing… so I guess it's both our fetishes."

"Ok, so far Judy wins the big prize," Johnnie shivered, not sure he could ever look at Big Mac the same.

"Who wins what prize," Max asked as he ventured passed.

"Just in time Master Sergeant," the General smiled as he pulled out the chair to his right out and patted it.

"In time for what?" Max questioned as he hesitantly sat down.

"Why, to tell us Sunbutt's secret sexual fetish," he chuckled, quickly placing a hand on the mechanics' shoulder and keeping him in his chair. "We've all shared, now it's yer turn."

"Really?"

The waiting glances from everyone at the table told him everything he needed to know.

"Celestia likes to wear lingerie," the Master Sergeant sighed. "Stockings, panties, guarder belts… the whole sha-bang." The way Max was talking, everyone could tell he was speaking the truth. "Be it leather, silk or lace, she gets really horny when I slowly dress her, and yes she likes having sex after."

"You know," Luke sounded disappointed as he slowly sat back in his chair. "Out of everything we just learned about our ponies and their fetishes, I think Celestia's is the most… tame."

"As much as I'm slightly disturbed by the thought, Stephen?" Duffy asked. He didn't have anything wrong against gay/bi people, he just thought it was a little awkward that a man was being ridden by a pony instead of the other way around.

"Pie." He said as he shovelled a meat version into his mouth. What Mark really wanted to know was how the hell Cepeda was able to get with somebody who didn't even live in Ponyville so soon. Stephen's been out of the town, over the past few weeks, a total of half a day.

"Well, we still have one," Mark gave a wicked smile as he turned to the female sniper. "It's your turn."

"Shit," Jane sighed, she had been backed into a corner on this one. "Dawn... from what I've seen, if it is indeed a fetish, likes to gender shift into a filly... and tease the royal guards."

While the rest of the table sat in stunned silence, Mark could only grin. He to had an alternate filly form and ever since that odd, lust fueled night at the Crystal Empire, he and AJ had been having regular sex with Sand Dune.

And frankly he loved it.

"Yeah, it's a fetish." Mark said.

"And how would you know?" Duffy called out. Mark opened his mouth to blame 4chan, but never really found a thread like that on /d/.

"Er..." He trailed off, looking to the side. Everyone got quiet as they realized what that meant.

"...Eh." Anonymous shrugged and continued eating his boar. "I've heard of worse fetishes."

I'm so sorry ;-;