[On the Friendship Express]

The wind made an eerie moaning noise as it whipped past her window, far ahead the little steam engine chugged its way into the frozen night. Jane Shepard sat awake in the dark cabin as the train car rocked gently to the soft beat of the rails below. Her eyes had long since adjusted to gloom that filled the cabin in a bluish haze, yet she saw nothing for her mind was elsewhere.

For this trip to the north, the humans who hadn't parachuted in, had gathered at the tail end of the train while they quickly did some last minute prep. The Gamblers Carriage was a large open car, and unlike the others of the train, looked as if it belonged on a train from the old west. It was rather spacious with high back leather seats around small tables were people could gather to play cards and smoke. There was even a mini-bar along one wall and a billiards or pool table in the middle of the room.

Mark would have loved the bar. While it was small, it was made of a dark hoof-tooled wood sporting a beautifully carved inlay and a brass foot rest along its base. Behind it was a light up mirror and two selves full of colorful bottles... yet again, she really didn't care for her mind was off in its own little world.

While the others had turned in to get some sack-time, she had stayed up to clean and reassemble her rifle. Now she sat in the dark, the land of ice and blowing snow outside her window turned into a blurry world of white. With everything checked and rechecked, her idle mind had drifted to a place she hadn't wanted it to… Just before leaving Canterlot, Dawn had pulled her aside and confessed a dark truth to her.

The why-she-was-here-in-Equestria truth.

He had confessed everything, why the Queen, the mother goddess of all ponies, had sent her and Max to this world. At first her mind couldn't …no… wouldn't believe what he had told her, and yet the more she thought about it, the more agitated and unsure she became. Did she really love Dawn or was it some kind of mind-controlled programming like the Manchurian Candidate… did she really love him or was it all a lie?

At that moment the door to the carriage opened and Max slipped in. At least she wasn't the only one not able to sleep. Silently she watched as he side-stepped the few humans who were resting in the rather comfortable smoking chairs, and finally plopping down in one at the very end of the car.

The smoking chairs, as she thought of them, were built like deep cushioned recliners, only they didn't recline, and the foot rest was a padded stool you had to physically pull out from beneath the chair. While they were not meant to be beds, they were the only thing on the train of human size that could accommodate the team.

Taking a moment longer to once again watch the Master Sergeant who sat by himself at the tail of the train car, she took note that he too was now gazing out at the passing landscape.

Dammit, she needed answers.

"Mind if I take a seat?" She finally asked when she reached his end of the room.

"Sure, pop a squat," he mumbled, still watching the world fly by.

Hesitantly she slipped into a chair across from him. While she was a well trained sniper she wasn't too sure how one went about broaching the subject that currently festered in her mind… luckily he seemed to know something was up.

"What's on your mind Captain," he used her new title as temporary head of Canterlot's day guard.

With Shining Armor now a prince and fighting to get Cadence's empire back, the Day Guard needed a new Captain. When asked, Anon said "Hell fucking no," and Jeremy just laughed hysterically. As for Max, he already held a title as Celestia's fuck toy, so he was out. Well at least it was a temp job until Celestia found a pony she liked for the job.

"Max, have you ever wondered why we are here?" She questioned.

"Holy shit…" he sighed, tearing his eyes away from the window and stared at her. "Please don't tell me you're a sniper with a philosophical bent?"

"I didn't mean it like that," she grumped, crossing her arms under her chest and slumping into the chair. "It's not a why are we alive question, but more of a why are you and I in Equestria?"

Max arched an eyebrow as he sat back, his gaze searching her for a moment before he spoke in a soft voice. "Dawn finally told you didn't he?"

"You know," she demanded, yet she quickly became quiet after her outburst nearly woke everybody in the car. "How long have you known?" She whispered.

"Not long after Dawn jumped into my mind, the first time," Max gave a sigh as he clarified. "Queen Faust came to me in a dream and we talked about why I was sent here."

"And it doesn't alarm you in the slightest that we may have been brainwashed into loving somebody?"

"I can't speak about your situation," he said calmly. "But while she may have trained me to be a good companion for Celestia, Faust blanked my mind when I came here and allowed me the choice to either be with Tia or not…" the look in Max's eyes softened as a warm smile spread. "I fell for Celestia the first time I saw her, all on my own."

"How can you be so sure?"

"You know about the tattoo on my left hip, right?" he asked as he slowly stood. She could only nod as he pulled the waistband of his BDUs down enough to show part of his right hip and Celestia's sun mark sporting dark shades. "I gained my cutie mark the first night I gave Tia a shower… the first night I told her I loved her." He was smiling broadly now as he sat back down. "As you know, a premise of the cutie mark can't be faked, so it should tell you everything… so the question is, did you find yours?" Apparently his arsemark changed that tattoo of his when he rutted Sunbutt.

Without a word she slowly stood and revealed the red crosshairs of a sniper scope with a grinning skull dead center.

I don't even fucking want to know about the story behind that one.

"When did it appear," the Master Sergeant asked.

"The night I told Dawn I wanted to be by his side," she couldn't help but smile as the turmoil in her mind finally disappeared.

"So now the only question you have to answer for yourself is, do you trust your own heart?"

"I do," she nodded, but paused before heading back to her original spot. "How did you become so insightful?"

"I'm the consort to the Sun Princess," he chuckled softly. "It's my job to know what to say, when to say it, and how to keep her happy." And what to and not to do. It's kinda considered bad form if you start fucking the princess in the middle of day court, after all. Even if nobody will call you out on it, considering that she 'controls the sun'.

"So you're her psychiatrist as well as her boy-toy?"

"Eeeyup!"

With her mind and heart at ease, Jane made her way back to her seat near the bar and was soon fast asleep.

[Train station]

"Twilight!" Shining called out as we neared the train station… yeah, no one has seen the empire in who knows how long, but someone went and built a fucking train station out in the middle of BFE land, just in case… Fuck you Celestia!

"Shining Armor?" she asked, not recognizing me or the scarf wearing male unicorn with blue mane. Somehow.

Granted I wasn't wearing my armor because it did squat against the cold, rather wrapping my ass up in a bunch of cloaks and shit.

"Twily… you made it," he smiled, removing the snow goggles from his eyes before wrapping his sister in a hug.

I would have commented on just how close the two siblings acted but I was taken off my feet as something orange slammed me to the ground in a loving bear hug that only she could give. "Hey there Applejack," I wheezed as she nuzzled my unarmored chest.

While Shining and Twilight bonded, I stood and made my way to the end of the station platform where the small troop of humans had gathered and were inspecting their gear. All of them were armored up, but had left their helmets hooked to their belts so I could see their faces once they noticed I wasn't armored. "Atten-hut!" I barked and was rewarded with all of them falling in line and saluting… all but one. "What the hell soldier, forget how to follow orders?"

"Not really." Max looked up from the crate he was inspecting and gave me a tiny wave. Not only was his armor still an audacious bright gold, but all human markings were gone and Sunbutt's sun symbol now stood prevalent on his shoulder plate. "If you remember, I'm not one of your underlings," he shot me a sly smile. "My ass belongs to Celestia."

"Then why did you make the trip to this hellhole instead of staying where it's warm and safe?" I asked. Fuck me, I could feel the eyes of my men (and one woman) watching us and I didn't like it, insubordination within the ranks is never good. Then again, he really isn't part of my 'army'.

"First, I'm here as Twilight's bodyguard," he said as he opened the crate and pulled something out. "Second, I'm here to deliver a new and quite experimental weapon."

With that said he tossed me something out of any Halo fan's dream. "What in the…" I gasped (ok, I may have squealed like a little girl, but fuck you!) for in my hands was a full sized Model 6 Grindell/Galilean Nonlinear Rifle, also known as the Spartan Laser.

"By now you know that normal unicorn magic has little to no affect on Sombra," Max stated while I gently caressed the heavy anti tank gun… my own BFG. "However Cadence's love magic does, so our benefactors, the royal sisters created two artificial love guns."

"Love Gun, you mean to tell me that this thing fires off…"

"A beam of pure concentrated love," he was smiling mischievously. "Totally non lethal, great for crowd control, you don't have to worry about friendly fire, and gives of a nice sent of vanilla after each shot…"

"We better get moving," Shiny announced after a moment, reminding me the urgency of the situation. "There are things out here that you really don't want to run into after dark."

"What kind of things?" Shy let out a cute gasp.

"Let's just say that the empire isn't the only thing that's returned…" he gave a cryptic reply. Because getting a fucking straight answer from royalty is like pulling teeth. "Something keeps trying to get in. We think it's the unicorn king that originally cursed the place…" Nigger we both know that it is, along with his fucking minions. You were there when we arrived.

"But Celestia said I was being sent here to find a way protect the empire," Twilight had to almost yell over the blowing wind as we all marched towards the empire. "If King Sombra can't get in, then it must already be protected…"

It was at that precise moment that a long drawn out howling moan filled the air and I felt my stomach dip and roll. "It's one of the things, isn't it?" Fluttershy gasped out in fright and I for one couldn't blame her.

"What the hell?!" came over my radio as my troop instantly pulled their weapons.

"I got movement," Jane Shepard called out as she coded in her rifle to her HUD. "FLIR has a lot of somethings at 900 yards and closing awfully fast."

"Yeti," I clarified.

"Yeti?" One of my minions (Sven) gasped out in surprise. "As in the Abominable Snowman?" Wonder what the fuck the hockey player was doing here, since I couldn't tell who was who in that armor. Didn't have my FOF tags on because of a distinct lack of armor.

"We have to get to the Crystal Empire now!" Shinny commanded as all hell broke loose.

"Everybody double time it for the shield," I barked as we all began to run. Somewhere behind us there was an explosion as Sombra's smokey form billowed high into the air while 20 some-odd yeti loped ahead like demonic hunting hounds. "Move it, move it, move it!"

As it were, we would all make the shield with a few secants to spare, when Shiny did something completely bat-shit stupid. For some reason or another, he skidded to a stop and turned to face the oncoming hoard alone. "Fuck me!" I exclaimed and changed directions. As I ran I could see Shining Armor trying to blast Sombra with his magic to no effect, while the Yeti barreled down on him.

"Are you insane?!" I demanded as I slid to the prince's side and hefted the Love Gun to my shoulder. Flipping the power to on, I took aim at the oncoming 9 foot tall killer fur-balls and fired. A bright pink beam lit up the night as I strafed the front line of monsters. To my astonishment 6 of the beasts slowed to a stop and began to mill about as if in a daze, before suddenly converging on each other in a love fueled heap of lust. "Love Gun my ass, it's an Orgy Cannon!"

That's when Sombra roared out and descended upon us, smothering both Shiny and I in his black shadowy coils. I'm not sure how, but there was an unexpected explosion and the two of us were blown back through the shield and to safety. The last thing I remembered before everything went all pink and hazy was snatching up AJ and saying something along the lines of, "Give me some sugar, baby!"

75 chapters? -blinks- When I started out with MiE, I expected to have 25 to fifty chapters, tops. Ya'll made me so proud of my fanfic that I just couldn't stop! -sniff-

Also, I have a tumblr now! it's ask-mark-durnkinscoff-mie (this needs some love, srsly.)

And you guys who have OCs that happened to be paired up; if ya'll don't tell me what they change into, I'll just make it male/female version of their pony fucker. (unless I've already contacted you.)

(Or in the case of a few, normal version)
Callum: Godfuckingmotherfuckerdamnitshitballs.