"Are you sure you don't want me to go as well?" Lulu asked as she, Moon, and Celestia waited for Twilight to arrive.

"Yes, Princess Cadence and Shining Armor are already there," Tia stated as she looked to her beloved little sister. "Mark has gone ahead with a group to help the situation, and the others will follow soon enough."

"The Empire's magic is powerful," Nightmare Moon gave a heavy sigh. "It can not fall again my sister…"

"She will succeed at her task, and when she does, we will know that she is that much closer to being ready."

Max stood by quietly while the three sisters gazed at a pink window half way down the throne room hall. While there was very little of interest for him here, he was told he had to attend, so here he stood… at least he had three very nice plots to ogle while waiting.

Damn, he needed a hobby. At least that would give him something more to do than Celestia, not that he was complaining. He loved his time with her, the sex was good and the conversations were enlightening …but… he had nothing, absolutely nothing, to do when she was busy running the realm. Max was growing increasingly board.

"Princesses," Jeremy announced as he opened the tall doors to the throne room. "She is here."

"Have faith little sisters," Celestia gave them both a warm smile as Lulu and Moon turned to leave.

"Should I be going as well?" Max asked, only to have Celestia's voice enter his mind and tell him to stay.

"You wanted to see me, to give me a test?" Twilight asked nervously, her eyes looking to Luna and Moon for help, or answers, as they passed… but to no avail. "I brought my own quills and plenty of paper to show my work…"

As Celestia and Max watched, the purple unicorn used her magic to heft her overly stuffed saddlebags off her back and flop them to the floor. One scroll jumped out as if on its own and quickly unraveled… 'Girl really knows how to prepare,' Max commented through the link while 40 yards of paper unraveled all the way to Tia's front hooves.

'That's nothing,' the sun princess's mind commented. 'Watch what happens when I throw her for a loop.'

"Sorry, sorry," Twi gasped and started to roll the scroll up with her nose, temporarily forgetting the fact she knew magic. Hell, I prolly would've done the same thing if my teachers could vaporize me on a whim.

"This is a different kind of test," Celestia said as she magically stuffed Twilight's bags. "The Crystal Empire has returned!"

"The Crystal Empire…" Max tried not to laugh as Twilight suddenly went from surprised shock, to frantically searching her books and notes while looking like she was about to have a heart attack. "I'm sorry… I thought I studied… but I don't see anything in my books…"

'I see what you mean,' Max had to look away for a moment to keep from cracking up.

"There wouldn't be, Few ever remember it existed at all." Tia as she turned and focused her magic on something off in a corner. This left Twilight with a rather cute, yet blank look on her face as the princess floated a large crystal over to her. "Even my knowledge of the empire is limited, but what I do know is that it contains a powerful magic…"

With a flash of Celestia's horn, the crystal lit up and a 3D holographic map of the Empire erupted into being at their hooves…

'Cool,' Max sent, only to be hushed. Over the next half hour the princess filled Twilight in on what little detail she had on the evil unicorn King Sombra and his twisting of the Empire… and the curse he placed on it upon his defeat.

"If the Empire is filled with hope and love, those things are reflected across all of Equestria. But if hatred and fear take hold…" With that, Max and Twilight glimpsed a rare peek at an evil Celestia, her bright magic turning dark and foreboding…

'Definitely need to keep you happy and content,' Max sent, not liking dark Celestia one bit.

"Which is why I need you help to find a way to protect it…"

"You want me to help protect an entire empire?" Twi was flabbergasted.

"It is, as I said, a different kind of test," Celestia said while replacing the crystal on its pedestal. "But one I am certain you will pass."

Max once again stood quietly by while Celestia and Twilight continued to converse. His mind returning to Evil Celestia and what Equestria would have looked like under her rule. However his thoughts were interrupted by Celestia words of warning to Twilight.

"In the end it must be you and you alone who ultimately helps Princess Cadence and Shining Armor in doing what needs to be done in protecting the empire…" Tia stood flanked by her two dark sisters as she spoke. "Do you understand?"

Twilight thought about it for a moment, then gave an affirmative nod.

"Then go, there is no time to lose!"

"Placing a hell of a lot shit on her shoulders aren't you," Max asked once Celestia had rejoined him. "I mean, responsibility on her shoulders…"

"Never the less, she must succeed in this test." For the first time that day Celestia actually looked worried. "Max I must ask a favor of you…"

"Name it and I will see it done," he said as he snapped to rigid attention.

"I want you to protect Twilight for me," she sighed, her gaze drifted to a nearby window that had yet to receive its stained glass memento. "No matter what Mark has planned, you keep Twilight safe. That little unicorn means a lot to me… she means a lot to Equestria."

"I know, and I will do my best…" he whispered as he pulled her close and kissed her lovingly before marching off to gather his gear.

"Damn you Mark," she whispered under her breath as she watched the door to the throne room close, leaving her alone. "You better protect my Storm King…"

[Mark]

I felt a disturbance in the Jimmies, as if somebody just damned me. Shrugging, I put an ear bud into my left ear and returned to overwatch, keeping an eye on the domain of the Empire.

"Sir, Red alert is advised, King Sombra is near according to my magical scans." Shadow told me, causing me to nod.

[Later]

With a slight squeal of brakes I brought the Humvee to a stop next to the two huge crystals that acted as the gateway to the empire and stepped out. Almost 30 yards away was the huge roiling mass of darkness that was King Sombra and I could feel his evil shit from all the way over here. "Ok I'm here," I called as I made my way over to the edge of the shield.

"I don't know what should impress me more, the fact that the Yeti I destroyed was telling the truth…" his voice cackled from somewhere in all that black. "Or that the ponies trust their lives to the most dangerous creatures to ever walk the earth."

"Well, I wouldn't say we humans are all…"

"The two oldest professions were created by you humans," the fucker cut me off as twin, 5 foot tall glowing green eyes suddenly appeared and gazed down at me. "The second was prostitution, the first was…"

"War or murder, depending on your point of view," I snapped back. "So what does that have to do with anything?"

"My point is that lying, cheating, stealing, and killing are all part of the human way of life… It's in your blood, your very soul." Bullfuck.

"Your point being?" I asked, getting tired of this horse shit already.

"That your heart is as black as mine, human," he stated as the dark cloud like mass solidified into a black unicorn the size of Lulu (she only pretends to be pissed at me with the nickname) with a curved red horn atop his head. "You long for conflict and power over those weaker then yourselves, and I for one can give that power to you."

Quote of Anon; Sombrero looks like a gay ass OC that's the fucking cliched red and black colors. Only way it could be worse is if he was an alicorn. Nice cape, though, so when you kill him, take it.

"Really?" I wasn't buying what this asshat was selling, but I decided to play along just to see where he was going with this shit. "Just what do you have in mind?"

"I propose a trade," he smiled, showing off his sharp pearly teeth. "You help me reclaim my empire, and I will help you reclaim your homeland… to conquer Equestria!"

"And what makes you think we need your help in doing that?" Hey, I had to ask… right?

"Because humans have no defense against pony magic, while it has no affect on me…" Except for all of us, with the help of Dawn.

"So let me get this straight," I paused for a moment to think it through. "We hand you the empire and in return you will help us, a war like race of natural born killers, take over what used to be America… with no strings attached?"

"You have my word, human." Remember how I wrote that most ponies couldn't lie worth shit? Yeah… same went for this mother fucker. The more he tried to lie, the brighter his eyes glowed and the more he smiled, hell he was worse than a used car salesman trying to make quota. With a bunch of wrecked cars behind him.

"No," I simply said as I turned away.

"WHAT!" Sombra demanded. "You would rather live a meek existence alongside those ponies, when you could rule over them instead?"

Meek my arse; when I'm not in Ponyville I'm buffing up all of the Equestrian Military, including the Guard. (they're kinda like Coast Guard, but land based) It's slow going, but I'm making gradual process.

"Some of those ponies are our wives, our husbands, and our children," I stated, keeping my back to him and trying not to lose my temper. "I may not have the best relationship with Celestia (though I did consider Luna and Moon good friends), I would gladly lay down my life for Applejack and our family."

"I see…" he said that way too calmly for my taste and the deep chuckling made the hairs on my neck prickle. "Well it matters not if you aid me, for once this accursed shield drops, I will simply have to kill all of you humans and retake my throne."

"And what makes you think you can?" I asked… come on, do the movie bad-guy thing and tell me your plans. "All we need to do is find the crystal heart and you're a goner…" Or I bash your skull in.

"Have you noticed the lack of female unicorns?"

Ok, now he had my attention, "What of it?"

"I hid my treasure well," he was laughing as he spoke, and it made my skin crawl. "Only a female unicorn, a crystal female unicorn who's mind remains untouched from my influence, can recover the heart." He was cackling now and that more than anything was really pissing me off. "So I bid you good luck and I hope to kill you last."

---

I was still mulling over my conversation with bat-shit for brains and slowly coming to realize that we were fucking screwed when I came driving up to our base of operations. Every pony in the empire, save for Cadence and Shiny, were suffering from Sombra's curse and that meant we were up shit creak. But why would Faust, my impropitu daughter, want us here if there was no way to win?

"Auch Scheiße!" Were the first words to make in past my jumbled mind the moment I entered the command tent. Glancing to my left I found Schmidt scrutinizing a set of files. He was part of the team sent to search the recently found Hall of Records and he must have stumbled across something.

"You find anything interesting?" I asked as I moved over to the German. "Like where the crystal heart might be?"

"Interesting, yes," he held up the file. "But on the heart, no."

"Then what did you find?" I couldn't help it, my curiosity was peeked.

"This…" and with that he handed me a file containing the birth certificate, school transcribes, and work record to one Twilight Velvet, royal nursemaid to one Princess Mi Amore Cadenza the second… "There is no way in hell…"

To my dismay, Schmidt could only shrug.

"Where is Shining Armor, has anyone seen him?" The others in the tent could only shake their heads and give me a fucking blank look. With a snort I turned and marched from the tent.

[2 Days Later]

The Eiffel Tower knock off was just high enough to where I could swan dive from one of the balconies and use my parachute to safely hit the bottom.

I think I almost scared the shit out of Shiny when I dropped next to him, already in stride.

"Where you off too, lover boy?" I casually asked, already knowing the answer. He chose to not question my actions. I would've gone off about Assassin's Creed and leap of faiths if he had.

"How many humans are going to be on the train, again?" Shining asked as the pair of us strolled towards the Southern end of the shield.

"The rest of them, probably keeping a few in Canterlot." I answered. "I know for a fact that Celestia sent Max and Dawn sent Jane, but I don't know about Anon or Jeremy." Both of them wouldn't be too much use, since their sleeping schedule conflicted with our rotations.

"Right." He nodded and made a bubble to where I could step through the shield.

Outside the shield was Schmidt, who took that moment to finish his patrol. He saluted me like the Nazi he was, and with a roll of my eyes I saluted back in the same way.

'If Gallan sees me he's gonna have a heart attack.' I thought in amusement.

"I have something to tell you, sir." Schmidt said, walking with the two of us.

"Go ahead, Schmidt." I told him, causing him to sigh.

"I... Have not been completely honest with all of you." He said, causing me to glance at him. "I was not in the Wermacht." My eyes started narrowing. "I was an S.S. officer before taking that sniper round to the chest. I only looked like I was in the Wermacht because my coat did not come with me."

"That troubles me for one more reason than what you think." I stopped, confusing him and Shining. "My grandfather was an S.S. officer, who died during the battle for Stalingrad. sniper round to the left lung. Left a hole the size of a fist." His jaw dropped, before he sank to the ground in shock.

"You're telling me my wife escaped Berlin?" He slowly asked, causing me to sigh.

"March, 1939, before the Blitz." I told him, patting his shoulder. "One daughter, who gave birth to four children, but one died during childbirth. I was the firstborn."

"How old were they when you died?" He asked.

"The dead one would've been 17, brother was 16, and sister was 9." I answered. Schmidt sniffed for a moment, breaking the cold exterior that all S.S. officers had. "Just be glad that they were proud of you." I added, causing him to look up in shock.

"R-Really?" He wiped his nose before icecicles could form from his snot. I let out a chuckle.

"We weren't the most well-minded family, mind you." I said, looking off into the distance. I could feel the Yetis glaring at me. "But we are always proud of our ancestors, no matter what they did. No matter what you did." He sniffed once before accepting the hand offered by me. "Come on, granddad, time to get your arse up."

"I'm younger than you are." He grinned. Shining had no fucking idea what just happened.

"Not really; about a third of a century older than I." I grinned, before pointing at the ground. "The planet reveals all, and it says you're older than dirt."

"Then you are, too!" He laughed, causing me to laugh back.

"Go on and get a cup of Joe, I sense that you'll need it." I clapped him on his shoulder. Schmidt entered the hole that Shining put up, saluting me the US way before jogging towards the castle.

"What just happened?" Shining asked as I walked past him. The hole closed up automatically.

"Nothing much, cousin." I grinned. "I'm now officially related to royalty, though, through your sister and her husband."

"What are you talking about?"

"Schmidt's my grandfather." I shrugged. "I needed enough evidence about it to confront him, but what he told me five seconds ago cemented that fact."

"Er, 'cemented'?" He raised an eyebrow. I sighed and rubbed my face, having removed my helmet to do so.

"You ponies have a fucking castle hanging off of the side of the mountain and a crystalline version of the Eiffel Tower, and yet you don't know what cement is?" I muttered some obscene words in German before shaking my head. "Forget it; let's just go get your sister."

I can't help but think this;

Help us Twilight Sparkle, you're our only hope. Well, besides me caving in Sombra's skull with something.

Next Chapter: Crystal (Meth) Empire, Part 3 Estimated time remaining: 5 Hours, 40 Minutes