I woke about two days after temporarily moving into Fluttershy's cottage to something big crashing into the forest about thirty yards away from the farm. Doc was the second one that woke up, yelling something about AA guns. Apple got downstairs when I was almost out the door. Connor decided to stay here until Fluttershy left, and I agreed to it.

'Can I come?' She asked. I grabbed my backpack, pulled out a flashbang (built by Sergio, thanks to my teachings) and a frag grenade, and put them onto my vest.

"It'll be appreciated. I know Doc's going to be there, probably after making sure Fluttershy's heart didn't explode. From how loud that bastard was, everyone in Ponyville, and quite possibly in Canterlot, woke up." I said, cocking my assault rifle (StG-44, a German WWII weapon) and running outside with Apple in tow.

We were one of the first ones on the scene, and what I saw made me stop cold.

"It's a fucking C-5 Galaxy..." I muttered, running my hands through my recently shaved hair, before inspecting the hull for damages.

"Son of a bitch. That thing nearly wiped out Celestia's tower on the way down..." Dawn said, trotting over to me after teleporting.

"How close did it get?" I asked, going around to the far side, where a certain Sunbutt and Moonbutt were. I waved to Williams, who waved back. I told him to go help the guards secure the perimeter, and he did so.

"From what two guards who were returning to their posts reported, it missed by a yard at most. The entire castle shook, though." Dawn replied.

"Did it hit anything else?" I asked, and noticed someone fall out of a door that was about four feet above the ground.

"The courthouse in town is missing a spire, and some of the ponies are being treated with minor lacerations and concussions from the falling debris." Dawn replied, confusing me a little.

"We have a courthouse? How in the fuck haven't I noticed?" I asked, pointing Doc at the fallen pilot/passenger. He nodded and ran over, while Sunbutt started arguing with Luna.

"NO!" She shouted. "I've had it up to my horn with this whole mess!"

"But 'Tia…" Luna tried to argue, but was cut off.

"Luna, you are my sister and I love you dearly," Celetia's voice softened for just a moment before regaining its edge. "But you and Dawn have gone too far this time, a human here or there, I can tolerate…" Tolerate my ass, she hates our guts. The guy gradually rolled over in time to see us making our way towards him. He most likely only saw blurs at the moment, though. "But this …thing… it nearly crashed into Canterlot and almost flattened Ponyville! Well no more!"

"You going to listen to her if she says to stop bringing humans?" I asked, looking at the Alicorn stallion.

"Not a chance in hell. She can't order me around, since I'm the only hope of keeping the Alicorn race alive." He replied. Looking back at Sunbutt, I noticed that she was glaring at what appeared to be a Master Sergeant from where I was, while Doc was examining his head.

"And you, were you the one flying this thing?" she demanded, ignoring the blood that dripped down his face. Doc sighed to himself and looked through his bag for some shit. The guy indicated that she move closer to hear something, until her face was next to his. Whatever he said made her stand up straight, stiff as a board. I also heard a whip crack somewhere, making me look around in confusion.

"Well?" I asked of Doc, once he looked up from his shit.

"The cut over his eye is nothing serious," Doc gave a relieved sigh. "As for the large knot on his forehead, it's probably given him a mild concussion… a couple days of bed rest and he should be fine." He then moved next up and got close to me.

"I may not be the best medic out there, but I'm pretty sure he's also suffering from near suffocation. I can't tell without proper medical equipment, and the hospital in town doesn't have what I need." He muttered.

"Can he be moved?" Celestia suddenly asked, surprising us.

"Sure." Doc nodded as he glanced at her.

Without another word, Celestia and the prone man disappeared in a flash of light, leaving behind a lot of confused beings, including her personal guard, who just finished securing the crash site. And there were a bunch of onlookers, causing me to grin and shake my head.

'Just like if a spaceship crashed somewhere fairly populated...' I thought, before looking inside the Galaxy with Schmidt and Doc.

"...That's a lot of stuff..." Doc muttered, as I looked for a cargo manifest to see exactly what kind of stuff we had.

"Here we go..." I muttered, looking down at a clipboard once I found it. I found a pencil and scribbled down some comments, and snorted when I read one of the things on the list.

'01: M998 Cargo/Troop HMMWV (Humvee). (Have to draw straws to see who drives this.)
01: 16 RG-33L 6x6 Heavy Armored Ground Ambulance. MRAP. (Hands down, this is Doc's new ride.)
01: 4x4 Cougar JERRV (Joint EOD rapid response vehicle) MRAP. (Mine, motherfuckers.)
16: Pallets assorted MRE. 8 fore, 8 aft (Roughly 32 tons of government issued fake food.)
2 pallets reserved for General Rilian's birthday surprise. (Sorry General, but you ain't getting shit for your birthday.)
01: inflatable outdoor movie screen and speakers.
01: pallet, assorted dvds.
01: pallet, cigarettes (There is a God. He hath given us a small mercy.)

Pallet space used
6x6=6
4x4=4
Hum=4
MREs=16
Misc=3'

I did a double take on the last three before laughing.

"What is it?" Duffy asked, popping his head in with Dash, both of whom whistled when they saw what was in there.

"Crack open the box that says DVDs. We have a way to watch them, too." I said, a little giddy at the prospect of being able to watch shit again. Duffy probably thought something alongside me, as he ripped it open with gusto.

"What're DVDs?" Doc asked, looking over the MRAP that was somehow still secured in place.

"Movies that last about a hundred years if you keep them from scratching up. What do we have in there, Brandon?" I asked.

"About a third of it is porn..." He muttered, throwing a random case at me. A quick glance confirmed it to be porn, and I slipped it in a cargo pocket for private viewing. Something about asses was in the title.

"Sort the DVDs into three piles. I want one to be porn, one for R, and the third into everything else." I said.

"What's porn?" Dash asked, sticking her face in next to Duffy. Half a second later, she withdrew, blushing hard and struggling to keep her wings down.

"What type of bird is this?" Gallan asked, stepping inside with a nervous Fluttershy. This comment got her attention instantly, causing her to look around in wonder.

"This is a bird?" Dash asked, probably talking to keep her mind off of porn.

"It's what the US military calls for anything we build that can fly. It's actually a Lockheed C-5B Galaxy. Built after your time, Gallan. I also have a job for you." I said, looking at the clipboard again.

"Yes?" He asked, looking through the DVDs with Duffy before looking back up.

"See if you can salvage any MREs. You do that, and we can have a little... variety in our diet again." I said, switching out the word meat for something to not spook Fluttershy just yet. Gallan seemed to get at what I meant, as he nodded and rushed off to find the correct boxes.

About two hours later, we found out that we had a working plane (with the right repairs, mainly PFM), a working DVD player/TV, and about a year of preserved meat. Add about two tons of cancer sticks, and we were a very happy lot.

"What are we gonna do with the vegetarian MREs? I know I'm not gonna eat them." Gallan asked as pretty much every human sat around the inside of the C-5B, eating at various MREs that had meat with extreme gusto.

"Hell, you can sell them at Sugarcube Corner. Give the ponies some fake food." I suggested, causing him to nod. At the same time of us eating, Apple was gently draining me of the feelings I had for my MRE. I was also sucking away on a stick of cancer, and gave so many negative fucks that I was drawing in the others' fucks as well.

Big Mac came in and ate one of the veggie bullshits for us, and actually liked the damn things.

"There we go! Big Mac confirmed that the veggie crap is delicious to ponies." I said, getting a few laughs. Mac didn't even know what the fuck was going on, really, but got me to talk to him outside after our dinner. He pretty much asked me about 'mares' and how to get one.

"Complement them and treat 'em like gold." I said, before facepalming. Gold was fucking used as armor here. "Scratch the gold thing. Treat 'em like your most prized possession." Turns out that it was a Smarty Pants doll, but I didn't know that until a certain someone dropped in, quite literally, a while into the future.

[One week later]

"So, what's our mystery person up to? Did Sunbutt execute him for almost clipping her while she was asleep?" I asked Dawn as he and Twilight moved the Galaxy out of the forest. Shit, Twilight was actually doing most of the work.

"From what he told me later, his name is Junior Flight Mechanic, Master Sergeant Max Rex with the call sign 'T-Rex'. The C-5, dubbed 'Hannah', appeared here while in mid flight. She originally had four others on board before the time of arrival, but they disappeared for some odd reason. The missing crew is Flight Captain: Lieutenant Ronald Jennings, 'Cap'n Ron', Flight Lieutenant and co-pilot: Judy Higgins, 'Dorothy', Payload Master: Chief Master Sergeant Kale Summers, 'Q-Ball', Junior Payload Master #1: Senior Master Sergeant Jesse Goldstein, 'Rabbit', and Flight Mechanic: Chief Master Sergeant Hugo Duncan, 'Torque'." Dawn explained, handing me a few sheets of paper to look over.

"Think we should send out a few rescue parties in a forty mile radius around the area where he appeared?" I asked once I finished reading, displaying a huge ass frown on my face.

"The plane appeared too far up to survive the fall, unless they had parachutes strapped on at the time of appearing." Dawn said with a shake of his head, frowning.

"That bad?" I asked, and he nodded slowly. "Alright... Did he say where they took off from?"

"Hickam Air Force Base. They were due in Saudi Arabia with 'special' cargo in a few days. Eight day trip from the first base to Saudi Arabia." Dawn replied, causing me to grimace.

"Went to Honolulu and they didn't even have time to visit the beaches..." I muttered. After a moment, we heard a loud thump and turned to see Twilight panting next to a perfectly placed C-5B Galaxy.

"It's... Done..." Twilight panted, before sitting back on her ass and accepted the canteen I threw to her.

"I have something else to tell you." Dawn said, grabbing my attention again.

"Go ahead." I replied, crossing my arms.

"From what I've been able to gather, Celestia let Max rest for a few days before going to see him in his room after I got this information from him. While in the middle of some kind of hour long rant wherein she got a lot of built up anger and emotional baggage off her chest… He somehow removed all her royal garments and managed to get her into the shower in the private bathroom attached to his room, all before she knew what was happening. After giving her a complete and total wash-down, he dried her off and brushed out her mane and tail… before she jumped him." He said, surprising me with the last few sentences.

"Wait, Sunbutt and Rex?" I asked, hoping that he would clarify.

"Yeah, seems that Max grew up on a horse farm in Kentucky and really knows how to treat a not-so-namby-pamby pony princess… and it seems you're not the only one to call her Sunbutt. It's become his pet name for her." He confirmed.

"Well I'll be…" I muttered, rubbing my chin and made a mental note to get my ass to Fluttershy's and unfuck my face before a salty Major General pops out of a bush and tells me to do it. Given how Dawn enjoys annoying the fuck out of me, it's entirely possible.

"Anyhow, he sent you a massage; you can keep the plane and, I quote, 'I quit.' He is willing to be a mechanic for you if you need one, but he wants to stay in Canterlot with Celestia."

"Hey, if it keeps her happy and out of my hair, he can stay there, and as for the C-5… I guess I should thank you, we really needed the extra supplies. And the plane was a bonus, since it can still run once we fixed it."

'I'll see if I can get Smith or Rex to teach Sergio on how to properly fly this bastard. Lord knows the kid could do something other than making flashbangs in his spare time. One goes off and he loses his face.' I thought, before giving Dawn my attention back.

"And that brings up the other reason I'm here," Dusk flinched slightly. "Mark, I do not have the power to transport something the size of a C-5 Galaxy to , the Humvee nearly made me pass out when it appeared. I was somewhat sick at the time, but that's beside the point. And we can rule out Luna bringing it because it appeared before the clocks struck midnight."

"So who could have?" I asked.

"There are only two ponies who have the ability to drag something of that size here at the given time. Twilight Sparkle after fucking up majorly, and Celestia." He said. "From how Twi is after dragging that thing for a few minutes, I'm probably guessing that she didn't." He added, looking at the unicorn, who was lying down and just finished trying to drown herself with my water.

"Are you saying what I think you're saying?" I asked, raising an eyebrow.

"What I'm saying is that Celestia has been slightly jealous that her sister has found happiness in the arms of a human and has been wanting someone of her own… I think that while she slept that night, her subconscious decided to act."

"Well, I'm accepting his resignation for the most part, but you know that the Gryphons will be trying something, and I need every man available to help me fight. I'll be putting him as maintenance crew, but let him know." I said.

"First chance I get when I'm back in Canterlot." He replied, and caused me to have a slight thought.

"Jealousy will lead someone on the path to the Dark Side. Remember that." I warned, before returning to the ship via back cargo door to recheck the circuits and shit.

"That's how Luna got her ass banished!" Dawn yelled at me.

I now have a tumblr for Mark and the rest of them!