“A’ight,” Ryan said gutturally, fingertips at the bridge of his nose. “So… now what?”

The Doctor deadpanned, as if he weren’t quite certain what to say to something so blunt.

“Well,” the tan stallion began uncertainly. “I’m… not exactly sure.”

“Ain’t this thing-“ Ryan gestured around the inside of the TARDIS with a sweep of his hand “-some kinda time… ship… thing?”

“Time and relative dimensions in space, yes,” the Doctor said levelly. “Or, TARDIS for short. And I already told you, there’s been absolutely no connection to the internal power source ever since arrival. It would be fairly obvious if I’d fixed it by now.”

Ryan thumped the back of his head against the oddly cool wall a couple of times, thinking. He didn’t know the first thing about time travel, or space travel, or pretty much any kind of travel that didn’t involve using his legs or stolen wheels.

Derpy attempted to interject, but nobody could tell what she was saying.

“Thigh fliggle pfht thith filleh fleth!” she spewed out a few flecks of blueberry muffin, splattering the Doctor with a couple of pieces as he uselessly inspected the interior controls.

“… Ew.”

Derpy swallowed hard, turning her attention to Equestria’s only human.

“So, did you come here in a time machine, too?” Derpy asked enthusiastically, tilting her head slightly to the side, as if Ryan had a time machine hidden behind him.

“Naw, man,” Ryan scratched his head. “I, uh… I don’t really know how I got here. I just know it had somethin’ to do with, like, this big hole in the sky.”

“It’s not a ‘big hole in the sky,’” the Doctor pinched the bridge of his nose in annoyance, using one of the mechanisms on the sonic screwdriver to light up the inside of the control panel, revealing multiple wires and peculiarly shaped devices.

“Oh, and Discord.”

The Doctor dropped his screwdriver.

“Who?” Derpy tilted her head so far, Ryan could have sworn she’d fall over. Then again, it could have just been the position of her eyes that gave her an eternally tilted look.

Ryan shrugged, not noticing the distressed expression the Doctor wore.

“I dunno,” he started to stand, his back already beginning to twinge from extended time sitting against the wall. “Some dude that was in my head fer a while. Said he was ‘pulling me off course,’ or somethin’ like that.”

“Are you certain?” the Doctor asked very, very carefully.

“Suck my –”

“This is important!” the Time Lord snapped at him, stamping a hoof against the ground. Derpy jumped a little, giving him a hard look. It wasn’t like him to have so many angry outbursts, especially not so many in succession.

Then again, Ryan did have a particular habit of making everyone around him annoyed.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever,” Ryan said flippantly, a little unsettled by the weird stare the Doctor was giving him.

“I need to be absolutely sure.” the Doctor took a deep breath, and said “Especially if this is the same ‘Discord’ that the records spoke of. I only wish I had a surefire way to determine –”

“He got a real big hard-on for chaos n’ shit?” Ryan asked completely without subtlety.

“Yes,” the Doctor deadpanned yet again. “That’s him.”

“He, uh… not good?” Ryan blinked.

“No. He is very, very not good,” the Doctor said slowly, emphasizing every word. “And I need you to tell me exactly what you meant by his being in your head. I need to know for how long, I –” he froze, eyes widening.

“Wait, you’re not host to him now, are you?” he asked, suddenly fearful.

“Naw, man.” Ryan picked his nose absentmindedly, earning yet another disgusted look from the Doctor and a level of confusion from Derpy, who attempted to imitate his bizarre action with her hoof. “Lard ass got that shit outta me real quick. Some o’ that brain mojo, and BAM!”

Ryan slammed his fist into his palm, making a slapping noise.

“No more Discord.”

“That sounds highly improbable,” the Doctor said nervously. “Especially when dealing with the likes of-” he stopped suddenly, changing tactics.

“He wouldn’t have happened to demand control over your limbs or following his instructions, would he?” the stallion paced back and forth, eyes never leaving Ryan.

Ryan was beginning to tire of the interrogation, and crossed his arms. However, it did make him think…

“Well…” he scratched his chin after a moment. “… No, not really. He was jus’ kinda annoying.”

He decided against telling the Doctor about Discord’s ‘few little words’ bit, though. No, that was Ryan’s final ace in the hole. It didn’t matter how things ended, so long as he still had that…

This seemed to bring the Doctor a small measure of relief, and his body sagged tiredly.

“Good. Good,” he said slowly. “Then it appears it won’t be necessary to reenact any molecular purging like with your cousin.”

“They, uh… they are still alive, right?” Ryan fiddled his thumbs together, thinking back to his cousins. The Doctor had claimed that he hadn’t harmed them, but…

“They were both alive the last time I saw them. I said that before. Pay attention, would you please?” he grumbled.

Before the Doctor could say anything else, Ryan interrupted.

“What’choo mean, ‘molecular purging’?”

“Oh, that,” the Doctor shook his head with a small smile, declining the muffin that Derpy was attempting to stick in his nose. “That would be the result of the Chameleon Arch, which I used to alter Donald’s genetic code to remove the alien parasite infesting his body.”

“… What.”

“That’s what I said!” Derpy flapped her wings a couple of times without leaving the ground, stuffing her half-eaten sixth muffin back into her bag for later. “Doc sure uses a lot of funny words. Huh, Doc?”

The Doctor might as well have stapled the deadpan expression to his face.

“Yes. Funny. Allow me to elaborate,” he started.

“No!”

The Doctor stared at Ryan for a split second. Ryan thrust his palms out worriedly, glowering at the pony that had apparently taken a leaf or two out of Twilight’s book.

“No big fuckin’ explanations,” Ryan insisted. “Jus’ make it easy for me. ‘Kay?”

The stallion’s nostrils flared momentarily, and Ryan could have sworn he heard something along the lines of ‘completely surrounded by idiots’.

“The bad alien in your cousins head developed a specific link to his genetic code. I altered his genes into a different species, and made the bad alien go away,” the Doctor said through clenched teeth, infuriated.

“Oh,” Ryan felt a bit stupid, but refused to admit it. After a couple of seconds, something occurred to him.

“Hang on,” Ryan’s eyebrows furrowed dangerously. “… ‘the fuck do you mean, ‘different species’?”

For the first time, Ryan actually saw the Doctor look a bit guilty. It was gone in the next moment, though.

“I… sort of had to alter his genetic code, just a tad,” he stated sheepishly. “And the only other option I was presented with was, well… my own.”

“… Your own what?”

“My-my own.”

“Your own what?” Ryan demanded.

“I had to make him into a Time Lord!” the Doctor spat furiously, pacing yet again. “There! I admit it! I knew it was dangerous, but it had to be done! There was no other alternative to keep him alive after the Thinling wreaked havoc amongst his internal organs; and what was I supposed to do, let him die when the option to save him was right in front of me? Do you have any idea –”

“What’s a Time Lord?”

“He’s Gallifrean!”

“Who?”

“No, not who!” the Doctor snapped. “Gallifrey is the planet I come from, our species is generally referred to as either Time Lords or Gallifreans! I injected your cousin with Gallifrean DNA, his is now part Time Lord! How bucking simpler do I have to make it for you?!”

“Fuckin’ Christ, man,” Ryan swore. “Take a chill pill, dude. Y’need t’calm down.”

“You’re the one who stormed into the TARDIS and attacked me!” the Doctor bellowed. “The sheer hypocrisy…!”

He took a couple of deep breaths, heaving.

“Just – give me a moment to remember why I’m a pacifist,” the Doctor rubbed his temples, seething.

“… What’s a ‘thinling’?” Ryan asked, deliberately antagonizing the Doctor further.

Besides, it was funny watching him twitch.

Fortunately for both of them, Derpy finally spoke up again.

“Ooh! Ooh! I know this one!”

Ryan turned to her in mild surprise, not really expecting her shout.

“Really?” Ryan said without any interest at all.

“Yep!” Derpy said proudly, thrusting out her chest. “I found out all about them; or, actually, just the one left. The Doctor told me!”

It was silent in the TARDIS for nearly a full ten seconds, after which Ryan foolishly asked another question.

“… You, uh… you gonna tell me?”

“Nope!”

The groan from the Doctor was such a tortured, agonized thing that Ryan almost felt sorry for him for a minute. Almost.

“Thinlings,” the Doctor said in exasperation, “are a nearly extinct race of symbiotic neurologically interfacing species, a bit similar to the Isolus in some aspects. Aside from the fact that they weren’t animated with ionic energy, really.”

“No fuckin’ idea what that means,” Ryan answered truthfully.

“Of course not,” the Doctor frowned. “They never do. In short, the only one left is most easily recognized by its trademark appearance of a slender, faceless figure, which it uses most often to intimidate prey.”

“Oh, hey, yeah!” Ryan snapped his fingers, headache almost completely forgotten. “I know that guy. Nice kids.”

The Doctor’s jaw dropped in abject horror, and when he went to move it, nothing came out for several seconds.

“You… you know the only remaining Thinling in the universe.”

“Yeah. Gave me back my phone. Got a lil’ kid. He’s a’ight.” Ryan shrugged.

“You encountered Slenderman, and he gave you a phone.”

Ryan honestly couldn’t comprehend the Doctor’s stare of utter disbelief.

“Yeah, man,” he pulled the useless Nokia from his pocket, twirling it a couple of times between his fingers. “I didn’t know that was the fucker messin’ with my cousin’s head, otherwise I’dda punched ‘im in the dick.”

Again, the Doctor opened his mouth to speak, but closed it again quickly.

“… Discord, Slenderman, what next?” the Doctor ran a hoof through his mane distractedly.

“I punched the changeling queen in the face,” Ryan proffered helpfully.

“OH, NOW YOU’RE JUST MAKING THINGS UP!”

Well, that had turned out to be a complete bust.

Ryan had been really looking forward to finally obtaining revenge from his ‘sworn enemy’, and he was roughly pushed from the TARDIS with a profound sense of dissatisfaction.

The Doctor had promised to inform him should he discover a way to once again power the TARDIS, but even then, the Doctor was clueless as to how to reopen a dimensional rift without severely damaging the space-time continuum.

Maybe he should introduce him to Pinkie Pie, Ryan wondered vaguely to himself as he meandered down the street of Ponyville. Footling about was definitely a waste of time, but it was better than being roped into work by Rarity. Just one more day until the Grand Galloping Gala thing, and he’d finally have his answers.

He could finally go home.

In a way, Ryan pondered on what was certainly a rare occasion, he was taking in the sights as a way of spending his last days in Ponyville. It hadn’t really occurred to him that he’d be saying goodbye to anyone.

Then again, he did hate goodbyes. They were always drawn out, and teary, and excessively emotional. Easier to just slip away when nobody was looking.

It always was.

Lyra, though. He kind of liked Lyra. Maybe he’d stop by and say goodbye to her. Or maybe visit Proppy. He still felt responsible for blinding the changeling; the random thought occurred to him to bring the changeling with him, in whatever manner he could return home.

Maybe the ponies would just tear open a big hole in the sky, and it would be as easy leaving as it was landing in Equestra.

But that only made him wonder why Twilight had lied to the others about his landing in the Everfree, along with a slew of other unpleasant thoughts.

Ryan took a seat on the curb, watching some of the ponies go by. He wouldn’t miss any of them, he swore to himself.

He certainly wouldn’t miss Twilight. Absolutely not.

Not at all.

Not even a little.

He grumbled something unintelligible, debating sitting lazily on the curb for a while longer or continuing his slow, uncharacteristically thoughtful walk.

He wouldn’t miss Rarity. That bitch was bossy.

Ryan might miss Fluttershy a little, but she was just as dangerously crazy as Pinkie Pie. He’d convinced himself that he could do well without either of them.

Applejack had a lot of flaws that he could pick out easily. He should be hating her instead of wondering if he’d miss her at all. Of course he wouldn’t.

As for Rainbow Dash…

“Yo. Taking it easy, eh?”

Ryan’s scowl became so pronounced that he began to lose feeling in his lower jaw.

“Speak of the devil, and he shall appear.” Ryan slouched a little more, glaring hatefully at Rainbow Dash.

The colorful pegasus flittered downward with ease, landing beside him lightly as her hooves touched the ground quietly.

“Oh, talking about me behind my back again?” Dash grinned. “Can’t help it if I’m that popular.”

“Choke on a camel’s creamed cunt,” Ryan refused to look at her any longer, instead staring straight ahead into the intersection before him.

Instead of becoming offended or agitated as Ryan had hoped she would, Rainbow Dash simply sat down quietly beside him as they watched the ponies going about their daily lives.

They sat in silence for a while, neither of them moving or speaking.

“So.” Dash exhaled heavily, shifting her wings. “Heard from Pinkie Pie that you’re leaving to – I mean, you know we all – I guess what I –” she frowned, sighing again.

Ryan didn’t answer.

“… I hear the Wonderbolts are going to be at the Gala.”

“The who?” Ryan muttered.

“The-the Wonderbolts,” Rainbow Dash reiterated. “Are you deaf?”

“I ain’t fuckin’ deaf,” Ryan glowered, actually turning slightly to face her, his chin in his hands. “I jus’ don’t fuckin’ know who that is.”

Rainbow Dash stared blankly at him.

“You’re telling me you have no idea who the Wonderbolts are,” she said incredulously. Before he could respond, she followed up with “Only the best of the best fliers in all of Equestria! They’re so awesome! They have this special technique, that –”

“Yeah, that’s great and all, Skittles,” Ryan cut her off, turning his gaze back to the traffic. “I still don’t give two shits.”

“Pffft.” Dash craned her head back, fighting a grin. “Yeah, right. You’re just jealous.”

That actually managed to get Ryan’s attention for a split second.

“Hang on, what?”

“Yeah!” Dash cackled, stretching her legs to make her seating more comfortable. “You’re totally jealous. I can tell that look from a mile away, buster. You’re just sore because you can’t fly half as fast as them. Oh, wait-” she placed a hoof on her chin playfully. “You can’t fly at all.”

Ryan had a lot of practice in frustrating people. He did it on a constant basis, if only for the sake of being a pain in the rear. Therefore, it began to dawn on him fairly quickly that Rainbow Dash was egging him on.

The ‘why’ was unbeknownst to him. What he did know was that it was beginning to get under his skin.

“Izzat all you had to fuckin’ say?” Ryan harrumphed crudely, standing. He needed to be elsewhere. He needed to think.

Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes, and she was in the air before he could even manage to finish standing.

“Puh-lease,” she said seriously. “Just –”

Dash stopped momentarily, hovering uncertainly before he began walking away again.

“… Just… y’know,” Rainbow Dash said. “Take care of yourself going home. ‘Kay?”

Ryan almost told her something anatomically impossible that she could do with her request, but there was a genuine look of concern hidden beneath her dismissive veneer.

“… Sure thing, kid.” Ryan shrugged.

Dash grinned widely, holding out her hoof.

Such was a universal signal of the fist bump that Ryan honestly had no choice but to answer it with his own fist against her outstretched hoof.

“Awesome.”

In the end, Ryan found himself traipsing back to the library after all.

He wished he knew why he always wound up going back.

No matter where he went, it seemed like he would generally find his way back to Golden Oaks Library, the massive, sprawling tree swaying carelessly in the breeze. The place had just grown so familiar to him in his stay in Ponyville.

It felt like… a home.

Ryan frowned as he paused at the door to the library, fingers dancing along the iron handle.

He didn’t have a home.

Not here.

Not anywhere.

But maybe…

Ryan shook the heavy thoughts from his head, pushing on the door. In the hours that had passed since he’d left Rarity and the others to their work (or rather, the work he was supposed to have been helping with) Spike must have returned, because he could hear the dragon’s voice as he entered.

Judging from the sound coming from the kitchen, Ryan guessed that he was talking to Twilight.

And, sure enough, he spotted the two sitting calmly at the table, sipping herbal tea. Spike shot him a filthy look as he entered, which looked unfamiliar on his face.

“Well, look who decided to finally come back?” Spike spoke to Ryan with a tone that could have curdled milk.

“What?” Ryan placed a hand on his chest innocently. “I had things t’do too, you know.”

“Yeah,” Spike glared. “I’ll bet you must be really busy leaving all the work to me and Sweetie Belle.”

“Spike, what has gotten into you?” Twilight balked at him.

“THIS jerk-” Spike jabbed a finger at Ryan “-went and left all the work to Sweetie and me!”

“Yeah, and?” Ryan stuffed his hands in his pockets nonchalantly.

“Spike,” the unicorn deadpanned. “Just because he’s lazy doesn’t –”

“DON’T THINK I DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU WERE DOING WITH MY PRECIOUS RARITY IN THE ATTIC!”

Ryan, to whom something had just become both apparent and utterly hilarious, was having difficulty stifling his amusement.

Twilight, on the other hand, looked absolutely mollified.

She tried to open her mouth to respond, but Spike spoke first.

“With Fluttershy, too! Nopony takes that long getting crates! What do you think we are, stupid?”

A deep flush had crept into Twilight’s cheeks, and she seemed to have lost the ability to speak altogether.

Spike was almost certainly attempting to tell Ryan off for endeavoring to ‘steal his Rarity’, but Ryan couldn’t hear him over the sound of his own hysterical laughter.

There didn’t seem to be much moonlight that night.

Ryan sat on the small couch in the main section of the library, reclining and staring up at the multitude of books around him.

He couldn’t sleep, anyway.

Just a few, simple little words. That’s all it would take.

Love will hurt.

Hail, Dawnbreaker.

“Still awake?”

Ryan almost leapt out of his skin at the sound of Twilight’s voice, and his heart raced so quickly it might as well have been on fire for all the sweat it had just caused him.

“Yeah,” Ryan said huskily, clearing his throat. “Obviously.”

Twilight rolled her eyes in the dim moonlight, hopping lithely up onto the couch beside him.

“I’m surprised you aren’t asleep by now.”

“Me too, kid.”

“I’m a competent young adult, for your information.”

“I know, kid.”

Twilight paused, staring out the window at the behest of meteorological movement.

“Ooh!” she said suddenly. “Shooting star. Make a wish?”

Ryan followed her pointing hoof through the window, but he didn’t see any shooting star. Must have been too late.

He waited for a moment, and shrugged.

“Yeah, sure. Why not.”

Ryan scrunched up his eyes, playing along. He didn’t believe in things like wishes.

But, then again, he didn’t believe in things like unicorns a few months ago, either.

He cracked open one eye to see Twilight staring hard at him.

“Well…” he began matter of factly.

Before he could say any more, Twilight cut him off with “I am not joking, though; if you’re about to say something cliché or corny like ‘my wish already came true’, I’m going to poke you in the goddamned eye.”

Ryan snorted, unable to keep the grin off of his face.

Yeah.

Maybe he’d miss Twilight.

Just a little.