“… Ah still ain’t apologizin’ fer nothin’.” Applejack said brusquely, eying Ryan warily.

“Fuck you, redneck. I didn’t ask for an apology.”

“That’s enough, both of you!” Rarity exclaimed, nearly hyperventilating. “There are more important matters at stake here! The changelings took Sweetie Belle!”

“We heard ya’ the first time,” Applejack retorted. “How d’ya think ah feel ‘bout Applebloom bein’ snatched off? Ya think yer the only pony worried ‘bout yer kin folk?” her voice was firm, but she looked shaken herself.

Ryan stood wearily, wincing as he did so. The orange cowpony had really thrown him for a loop. “Yeah,” he added. “and they tricked you.”

Applejack glared at him, unwilling to admit the truth that she’d been fooled so easily. Rarity finished wrapping the bandage around her friend’s shoulder, gently tightening it off as she did so. Applejack cringed, but said nothing. Her face only grew more determined; the only thing that kept her from running off after the changeling was Twilight, who insisted that she hang back once again. Her first instinct was to ignore the unicorn and charge after the deceitful beast immediately, but considering…

No. she shook her head. No time for doubts. Applebloom would be rescued – she’d make sure of it.

“We gotta go after that thing.” Ryan groaned, rubbing his aching back. Christ… I think she broke my ASS… Regardless of what happened, he knew that he’d never forgive himself should any harm come to the children. Ryan might not have been the greatest person, but that was his one, unbreakable rule – don’t let children get hurt. He certainly wasn’t looking forward to it, but he’d also never forgive himself should one of the ponies take off without him to –

To what? Take CARE of them? Redneck just kicked your ASS. Through your SHOULDER BLADES.

Fuck you, brain! I could’ve taken ‘er, she just caught me off guard!

Yeah, and lil’ bug fuckers are gonna play fair, too. Right.

“We aren’t going anywhere.” Twilight said stiffly, giving Applejack a hard look. “You’re going to stay here, while we take care of the changelings and get the fillies back.”

“WHAT?!” Ryan bellowed, pain momentarily forgotten.

“You heard me.” She said flatly, pushing a lock of violet mane out of her eyes. “You’re in no condition to go running off; for Celestia’s sake, Ryan, you can barely stand!”

Ryan took a long, slow breath and exhaled through clenched teeth. He stood straighter, gritting his teeth and clenching his fists to ignore the grinding ache in his lower back that was steadily growing the straighter he stood. Pinkie balked at him nervously, afraid he was going to wind up face down in the dirt again.

“Okay, kid. You really think you can make me stay?”

Ping. Ping. Ping. Ping.

Ryan hated being trapped.

Ping. Ping. Ping. Ping.

“Let me out, ya’ lil’ shit! LET ME OUT!” Ryan roared, hitting the smooth surface of the pink magical sphere Twilight had trapped him in. She was mouthing something at him, but he couldn’t hear it due to the obstruction. From what he could make out, it was probably something along the lines of ‘this is for your own good’.

It only served to infuriate him further.

Ping. Ping. Ping. Ping.

For a couple of moments, Ryan watched through the pink shield locking him securely within as Pinkie Pie argued with Twilight. He dimly noted that if Pinkie closed her eyes, she’d probably become completely invisible to him. Although Ryan couldn’t tell what the two were arguing about, he could see that the discussion was growing more and more heated, with Pinkie Pie growing ever more frantic as they spoke.

Ping. Ping... Ping... Ping.

… ‘The fuck… are they sayin’…?

From the way Pinkie’s hoof continuously pointed accusingly at Twilight, occasionally shifting back and forth to Ryan, he guessed that she was more than a little upset. Pinkie’s hair had also gone completely flat again, he noted uncomfortably. After a few minutes, he gave up pounding against the shield and strained to hear them through the bubble, but to no avail.

If Ryan didn’t know any better, he’d have guessed that…

… Pinkie Pie is… sticking up for me…?

The thought left him standing (well, balancing at the bottom of the bubble) indignantly, the very idea of someone else defending him dancing on his nerves. But, then again, if it got him out of the pink prison, he’d gladly play along. For now.

By the time a good five minutes had passed, Ryan could see that Twilight looked to be completely worn down; even her own mane looked a little flatter as she dropped the magical shield, and Ryan fell to the ground.

She looked at him sadly, and shook her head. “There’s been a little… change of plans.”

Pinkie stood resolutely beside Twilight, silently watching. Her mane still hadn’t regained its usual bounce, instead sticking closely to her head with a nearly gray tint.

… That’s not a good sign.

“Uh… what… change of plans, ‘xactly?” Ryan questioned as he stood, trying to look as fit and healthy as he could lest she trap him again.

“Well… er… P-Pinkie, um… is of the opinion that you shouldn’t be left behind.”

Ryan blinked, staring at the little mare. He noticed that the others had all seemed to back slightly away from her, watching uneasily.

“… Just what the fuck did you say to ‘em, Pink?” he asked, befuddled.

“That depends,” Pinkie replied darkly, “do you carry a crowbar?”

Twilight’s face paled a little, and she quickly interjected “We should really go find those fillies.”

“No shit, Sherlock!” Ryan seethed. “You went ahead an’ gave ‘em a shit ton of time to get away…!”

“Actually, Twilight hit one of them with a tracking spell.” Pinkie Pie interrupted, and Ryan was glad to see that some small measure of the regular poof had returned to her mane and tail, and she didn’t look quite as unhappy as she did before. No, ‘unhappy’ wasn’t the right word. More like…

… Hateful.

A small shudder ran up Ryan’s spine, but he ignored it. He didn’t like magic in the slightest, but he would admit, it had its occasional uses. “… So, uh… that’s… convenient.”

“Yes. Yes, it is convenient. Isn’t it, Twilight?” Pinkie spat accusingly, glaring at her.

It took all but a moment for it to register in Ryan’s mind.

“… Fuck me, that is convenient. Really, really handy.” He rumbled, anger swelling in his chest again. “… When’d you figure out how ta’ use tracking spells?”

Twilight flushed a deep red. “Look, you… you kept running off, and-“

“You put a tracking spell on me?!” Ryan flustered. “What the fuck, kid?”

“Hey, it’s no big deal,” Rainbow Dash cut in, defending Twilight. “it’s not like she was abusing it, or anything; if it weren’t for her tracking spell, you’d probably be dead meat!”

Ryan crossed his arms, shooting daggers at the pegasus. “… So. That’s how you got to us so quick in the schoolhouse. ‘Cause she let you in on it.” Dash pawed the ground in front of her awkwardly, ruffling her wings.

“… I still saved you guys, didn’t I?”

“That’s not the point!” Pinkie Pie shouted, pacing agitatedly back and forth. “Twilight, I can’t believe you would go spying on your friends like that!”

“But I wasn’t-“

“And you!” Pinkie poked a hoof into Dash’s chest. “Dashie, you ought to be ashamed of yourself – almost as much as Twilight!” she turned to the unicorn, the anger slipping away from her as it was replaced by a hurt expression. “Twi, if there’s something so important that you feel like you have to put a bucking tracking spell on somepony, then you should tell us about it; we’re your friends. We’ll understand. Right, Ryan?” He hadn’t expected Pinkie to actually listen to what he’d told her; all he’d actually focused on was trying to get her to calm down when she was upset.

Pinkie’s emotional one-eighty had caught him off guard, and he blew out a heavy breath before plopping back to the ground. “… Fuck, I dunno.”

Pinkie stared at him for a long minute, and he grew more and more uncomfortable as she did so.

“… Fuck! Fine, fine!” he growled, scratching his head. “… Kid… if you wanted ta’ know where I was, you coulda jus’ asked me.”

“I’m certain you’re all having an absolutely wonderful therapeutically emotional bonding session and all, but in case you hadn’t previously noticed, the BUCKING CHANGELINGS HAVE SWEETIE BELLE!” Rarity screeched, bouncing up from the ground from the effort of her shout.

Ryan jammed a finger in his ear, much too late. His ears rang like someone had raked chalk against a board for six hours without rest.

Ryan began disliking Rarity significantly less than he did before.

“Shit, we heard!” Ryan mumbled, barely able to hear his own voice. “Everybody heard! I think the bug fuckers heard!”

“Rarity’s right,” Fluttershy insisted, looking anxiously toward the forest. “the longer we stay, the further the changelings are going to get.”

“That was the whole point.” Twilight insisted. “If we just caught the changelings straight away, we might have lost our one chance to catch them off guard in their nesting grounds.”

“… You let ‘em take Apple Bloom.”

Applejack hadn’t spoken in a long while, merely watching the others argue. Her eyes narrowed to dangerous slits, bright green irises locking in on Twilight.

“… Er, what?”

“You. Let. Them. Take. My. Sister.” Applejack iterated slowly, tensing her muscles. “You let ‘em take her, ‘cause you knew they’d come back fer the lil’ fillies. Heck, Twi, ya’ even told us as much earlier; you used my lil’ sister as bait.”

Ryan watched the purple unicorn in dim surprise. This little mare was a scheming devil.

At first, Ryan felt a little proud. After hanging around him for so long, Twilight was actually picking up a thing or two; treachery, lying, deception, deceit.

Immediately afterwards, however, came a sharp, stabbing shard of guilt and… something else.

He did this. This was his fault, that Twilight was turning into something completely against her nature, and she would have been just fine if it hadn’t been for his influence.

… Since when do I give a fuck ‘bout who I influence?

He tried to push it away, but it clawed at him, haunted him; it left him feeling sick.

“There you go, jumpin’ to conclusions again!” Ryan stated immediately, drawing Applejack’s ire. “Just because she knew the bug fuckers would be back doesn’t mean she knew they’d replace your sister. She was just bein’… extra prepared, is all.”

Twilight seemed thoroughly surprised at his sudden willingness to stand up for her, almost as much as Applejack was. It was a gambit, and Ryan knew it; for all he knew, Twilight really had expected them to take those fillies. He just wasn’t certain.

“If you don’t mind, SWEETIE BELLE?!”

“This way... I think…” Twilight said slowly, carefully stepping over the massive roots that sprawled over the ground of the Everfree Forest. She trotted uneasily amongst the trees, sunlight gradually being filtered out the further they traveled into the darkness of the forest.

“Ohmigosh, and that one looks like a griffin all mixed up with a kitty cat – well, except it’s made out of wood.” Pinkie rambled as she bounced easily over the forest floor, hopping with effortlessness from root to massive root, never touching the ground. Rarity did the same, albeit much slower, so as to avoid getting dirty. “There was this one time, I saw a piece of wood that looked like a cat; I mean, sort of like a cat, but you had to tilt your head, like this…!” she lolled to the side, somehow managing to leap from forward with her head tilted sideways, never losing her stride. "Bleagh!" she giggled.

“Fuck, Pink…” Ryan groaned. All the others marched in relative silence, aside from Twilight, who occasionally shifted direction. Her horn glowed dimly during these moments, apparently guiding her.

“Ooh, you know how we could find the fillies faster?” Pinkie gasped suddenly, looking far too excited about the entire ordeal.

“No, Pink.” Ryan replied sarcastically, limping forward without pause. “We all just figured that the fastest way ta’ get there was a straight fuckin’ line. THROUGH THE GODDAMN TREES.”

Pinkie made a tsk, tsk, and said “Silly filly – everypony is waaaaaay to tense. Haven’t you ever tried passing the time with a good, heartwarming song or two?”

… Oh, fuck.

“No.” Ryan stated grumpily. “I don’t. Fuckin’. Sing.”

“That’s okay, I do!” she replied cheerily as she faced him, now bouncing backwards. He honestly could not understand how she was doing that without falling over. Hell, even Applejack had tripped a couple of times, although he’d attributed that to her injured shoulder. Dash and Fluttershy refused to leave her side, constantly close in case Applejack should slip again.

Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.

Pinkie took a deep breath, and began belting out a song with as much enthusiasm as she could muster.

Normally, Ryan hated singing. He hated people who sang, and ponies were no exception. The last time he’d even been near anybody that was singing, his cousin Danielle had re-watched some god awful Disney flick for the umpteenth time and insisted that he sing along with her.

He didn’t.

So she clubbed him over the head with a lamp.

Repeatedly.

Danielle was a little crazy.

His first instinct when Pinkie began singing was to rudely cut her off, as he had always done whenever she’d tried to ‘help’. The first thing he noticed was that somewhere, music was echoing. It was a haunting, deceptively cheery tune – it caught in his head almost immediately, and although he wasn’t certain precisely why, he couldn’t bring himself to stop her.

“When you’re rife with devastation, there’s a simple explanation –

you’re a toymaker’s creation trapped inside a crystal ball.

And whichever way he tilts it, know that we must be resilient,

we won’t let them break our spirits as we sing our silly song!”

He tried blocking it out, but after a while, he simply gave up and let her sing.

“You’re afraid for the little fillies, and a galloping blaze’ll overtake your city.

You try to hide all your past sins – and try to look tough so you’ll fit in.

But you’ll face one thousand fears –

and drown yourself in orphan tears; when the memories are blurred, and our faces are obscured, then you’ll still know the words to this song!”

Her words struck a chord within him, hanging over him as she sang. Ryan couldn’t even tell if his feet were moving anymore, so great was the effect it had on him. He clutched at an outward jutting low tree branch, using it for support.

“When you’ve bungled all your bangles –

though your loved ones have been mangled – listen to the jingle jangle of my gypsy tambourine!

‘Cause Discord is hypnotizing, and your world needs harmonizing –

so please Ryan stop your crying, and just sing along with me!”

The music eventually faded away, and Pinkie’s voice drifted sadly as she quieted.

After a few minutes of silence, Ryan realized that none of them had even begun marching again.

“… Pinkie, what the fuck.” Ryan breathed, and he realized that his knuckles had gone white from clenching the tree branch.

“MISTER PRESIDENT, GET DOWN!” Pinkie shrieked suddenly, knocking Twilight to the ground. The pink mare rammed into her, knocking her to the grassy ground barely a moment before a sizzling green bolt blasted through the spot where she’d been standing, scorching the tree behind her.

“Fuck!” Ryan yelped, limping away to take cover. He slid around the massive tree trunk, feeling the bark scrape against his sweaty back as he dropped to the ground, desperately wishing he had a weapon. He reached for his Zippo lighter, only to remember that he didn’t have it anymore.

Fuck fuck fuck!

What he did have, however, was a useless Nokia.

“Look out!” Fluttershy peeped, and Rainbow Dash grabbed both her and Applejack to take cover while Rarity telekinetically hefted several dead branches through the air, using it as temporary cover as Pinkie and Twilight slipped away from the offender. Ryan peered around the corner of the tree, hating himself for his display of cowardice. His fingers momentarily brushed against a small carving on the tree, a small circle with a little ‘x’ through it.

Protect them! Hurry, asshole!

His eyes darted around the area, finally landing on a small, shining black carapace of the changeling. It sprang down from the treetops, lunging at Twilight.

She was prepared for it, however, and sidestepped the beast as she magically grabbed the same branch Ryan had been holding, whipping it forward. The heavy branch made contact with the changeling, slapping it hard in the face as it shot forth another bolt of energy from the tip of its curved black horn, this one singing through the air and hitting Fluttershy in the wing as she tried to defend the injured Applejack. She let out a cry of pain, and Ryan hurled himself toward the changeling, using the tree to push off from for added momentum.

Ryan grappled the changeling, straining to keep it on the ground. He knew that if it managed to get back into the air, they’d have a hell of a lot harder time avoiding its shots. It hadn’t expected him to charge forward, and hissed angrily as it buzzed its now-pinned wings. It thrashed its head wildly, beady eyes flickering between him and the ponies.

“Go – ahead – you ugly – fuck…!” Ryan heaved, squeezing the changeling tighter as he dropped to the ground. It was a lot stronger than he’d expected it to be, and tightly compounded muscles coiled with anger and fear beneath him. “You – hnng! Try ta’ whack one of ‘em – hhhnk! Again… I’ll snap your fuckin’ neck!”

He was serious about it, too – he’d be damned if he let the changeling hurt one of them again on his watch. Fluttershy seemed to be bleeding, but not too badly. Ryan shoved the thing’s head further toward the ground, keeping the jagged horn pointed away from them.

Twilight cautiously stepped forward, horn glowing with a bright violet light.

“… This isn’t the same one... I hit with the tracking spell…” she said uneasily.

“Oh, good.” Ryan said in a mock-conversational tone. “I guess that means we don’t need it alive.”

“Wait, wait!” it screeched, flailing beneath Ryan’s grip. “Don’t kill, don’t kill!”

“Why not?” Ryan scoffed. “You just tried ta’ microwave my friends. I oughta rip your wings off first.” The changeling’s head rolled in terror, straining to escape him. It was outnumbered, and the others were drawing in more closely while still keeping a decent distance.

“Didn’t want to kill – never want to kill!” it screamed pitifully, finally giving up its desperate struggle to escape. “Protect!”

“Yeah, if I break your neck, that’s what I’m fuckin’ doin’.”

“Queen! Protect Queen!”

Twilight’s jaw dropped in shock, and the bright purple light from her horn faltered for a second. “Q-queen? Are you sure?” she interrogated the insect-like creature, eyes widening.

“What’s so special about that?” Dash glared venomously at the changeling for harming her fellow pegasus.

“Rainbow, do you have any idea what this means?” Twilight said fearfully, now looking about carefully.

“Kid, none of us know what the fuck it means. How ‘bout you tell us, so’s I can kill this lil’ fucker?” he deadpanned. The changeling squirmed beneath Ryan’s arms, incapable of getting away.

Twilight looked a little agitated, but not nearly as much as she looked terrified. “Ryan, if there’s a queen, then these aren’t just changeling nesting grounds; these are changeling breeding grounds.”

“Yeah, so?” Ryan said, giving the changeling the evil eye to keep it still. “Whoop-de-fuckin’-do. So, we gotta step on a couple of eggs.”

The unicorn slowly shook her head, and for a moment, even Ryan felt a sliver of fear.

“… Have you ever read about just how many spawn spiders are capable of producing from a single egg sac?”

“… Oh, fuck me with a crowbar.”

Even the changeling looked a little surprised when Fluttershy swore.

It took them all but a few minutes to reach the breeding grounds.

Ryan had a difficult enough time carrying the changeling, but he managed to force it into a position so that if it moved while he carried it, he would be in the perfect position to carry out his threat of breaking its neck. Its wings were tucked in tightly, and it glared hatefully at him as they approached the massive structure. He gripped the changeling a little more tightly, staring sullenly back. Its outer shell wasn’t so much of a shell as it was a viscous fluid, somehow solid. It felt tough and hard, but simultaneously very smooth; of course, that only made keeping a grip on the little monster harder. The forest around them was deafeningly silent, and it was putting them all on edge.

“… I don’t understand…” Twilight said, confused. “The tracking spell should have worked; instead, it’s like it just… stopped working.” She looked nervously at the structure in the forest, which blended in almost perfectly with the dark trees. Massive, dull looking hexagons covered the outside, very similar in color to the changeling’s outer shell. Each one was haphazardly covered with twigs or bits of moss, helping to camouflage the imposing construction. From the size of it, Ryan would have guessed that it stretched on for nearly half the size of a city block, and looking more closely revealed that some parts of it extended underground. The only thing that made it worse was the quiet. Too quiet.

It looked like one big trap.

Ryan didn’t like the thought of being trapped.

Of course, he liked the thought of the three innocent fillies being trapped inside even less.

“So, uh… these lil’ bug fuckers…” Ryan asked, looking for a way inside. “… They, uh… they eat the kids, or somethin’?”

“Actually, they, um… sort of… feed off of their emotions psychically, draining them until there’s nothing left.” Twilight said awkwardly, noticing the mortified expression on Rarity’s face.

“So, how come this lil’ shit didn’t try that on us?” Ryan pointed out, peering down at the changeling. To Ryan, it meant next to nothing; the changeling had stupidly not used one of the most dangerous tools at its disposal.

Twilight’s eyes widened in sudden understanding and horror.

The breeding grounds suddenly became significantly less quiet.

Author's Notes:

DA DA DA NA NA DA.
MOUSETRAP.