Ryan didn’t like staring contests.

He was never much good at them, to be honest.

Then again, honesty was never his strong suit.

“A real pleasure to meet your fuckin’ acquaintance, Your Obeseness,” Ryan forced a shark-like grin, holding a hand out to the princess. The ruler herself was much taller than the other ponies, nearly meeting his eyes.

“Oh, please, the pleasure is all mine.” Princess Celestia replied politely, meeting his hand in her golden shoed hoof from across Twilight Sparkle’s kitchen table. If it bothered Ryan that she showed no sign of agitation, none could tell.

Twilight, Applejack, Dash and Pinkie stood crowded behind Princess Celestia, watching the two carefully. Fluttershy and Rarity were in the room next to them, peering in around the corner with Spike.

Ryan sat down in the awkwardly built chair across from the princess, glaring at her. However, he said nothing, and Celestia regarded his silence with the same.

“… Er…” Twilight said uncomfortably. “I’ll just… put some tea on…”

“I think that’s an excellent idea, Twilight.” Celestia agreed, never taking her eyes off of Ryan. The sound of kettles clanging about and the sound of hissing water greeted his ears, and he leaned forward in his own chair in what he hoped was a threatening manner. If he ever needed to look intimidating, he supposed he could just smile more often. Apparently, he creeped ponies out when he smiled at them.

“… So, you gonna tell me what this is all about, or are you plannin’ on having your meat puppet keep me in check for a few more weeks?” Ryan hissed, glaring at Celestia.

“I’m afraid I have no idea what you’re talking about,” she said slowly. The tip of her horn flashed momentarily, but he couldn’t see anything happening.

Ryan snorted, leaning back. He tried getting up, only to discover that his rear had become quite attached to the chair.

… So. We’re playing ‘that’ kind of game.

“Bullshit,” he said, waving a hand at her while trying to look unfazed. “you’re gonna tell me Purple Nurple here,” he said, jabbing a thumb at Twilight, who was carefully telekinetically passing around hot cups of tea to her friends. “That the kid here ain’t under direct orders to watch me at all times?”

Celestia paused, deep in thought. After a moment, she answered “I asked my student to watch you more closely, in part because of the nature of your arrival.”

“Knnt. ‘Nature of my arrival’?” he spat, glowering at her. Ryan knew exactly what she was up to. “My ass. I read the letters; you can’t hide it from me any longer. Yeah, talkin’ to you, kid.”

Twilight’s ears perked up, and she looked around nervously. “I-I have no idea what you’re talking ab-“

“I say again. Bullshit,” Ryan deadpanned, turning his gaze upon the lavender unicorn. “I knew, right from the very beginning.” He claimed dramatically, leaning back in his chair and kicking his feet up on the table in front of the princess. He felt rather proud of himself, for being clever enough to figure a way around Celestia's little silent binding spell. His chair stood on two legs, and he kicked back with his arms behind his head, as if he were comfortable.

For the record, he was very uncomfortable.

“You… you knew?” Twilight looked back and forth between the grinning human and Princess Celestia. Even Celestia looked a little surprised.

Although, with Ryan’s shoes that close to her face, she looked more annoyed than anything else.

“Eeyup,” he said, mimicking Applejack’s brother. “I knew the whole time it was you who brought me to this world. You been keepin’ me locked up here, ‘cause if I go back ta’ my own world, it’ll get burned to the ground.”

Every single pony in the room stared at him, but none with a more piercing stare than Celestia.

After a couple of moments, Twilight spoke. “… I never brought you here.”

The revelation alone was enough to cause Ryan to topple over onto the floor. Thankfully, Celestia released her binding spell in time-

-just in time for Ryan’s face to hit the floor.

He sputtered, quickly getting back into the chair with a red face. “I-I don’t… what?”

“I said, I never brought you here.”

“But-but-but…” he struggled. “… your letters… you knew I was coming!”

“Yes, she did,” Princess Celestia interjected, lowering her head. “because I told her so.”

“… So… this is your fault?” Ryan asked, befuddled. The lighting storm that had whirled around that vortex? Purple. The vortex that had brought him to Equestria in the first place? Purple. Twilight’s signature encompassing color for every single magical thing he’d ever seen her do?

Purple.

It baffled him; it had all fit together so… perfectly. It explained so very much, and he’d spent all of his time, never trusting her word or actions…

No. It did fit together perfectly.

“… It fit together… perfectly…” he said aloud, fingers forming a steeple together as he lost himself in thought.

“… How did you know I was coming?” Ryan asked Celestia quietly.

“My sister and I… felt a ripple. Far, far away, in a dark corner of existence, we felt… a change in the Harmony. We felt a fluctuation of chaos.”

Ryan’s heart pounded in his chest as he began to piece it together. Yeah, the vortex had been purple. But everything he saw, all the whirling chaos he witnessed whenever he got knocked out?

Everything he saw anytime he came close to death?

All the orders I’ve been… blindly… following-!

Ever since you got here, the voice finished for him satisfactorily.

“Discord, you SON OF A BITCH!”

Ryan slammed his fists on the table, and the china bounced, spilling tea everywhere.

That same, echoing laughter just grew louder.

Celestia’s eyes widened significantly. “Discord? You… did not invade Equestria of your own volition?”

“Does it fucking look like it?!” Ryan raged, clenching and unclenching his fists. He ground his teeth, seething with anger. He didn’t know what he felt stupider for; the fact that he had listened to Discord’s explanation as to how he was in his mind, or the fact that he believed it.

Yes, we’ll get to that in a moment.

“You… you don’t get it,” Ryan heaved, trying to keep stable in the chair. The room felt like it was spinning beneath him, and the air felt heavy. How much of it had been a lie?

Just how much of it had even been real?

I SAID, we’ll get to that in a moment. Be patient, would you?

“Shut up! Shut up shut up shut up shut up!” he groaned, clamping his hands over his ears. “You don’t get it!” he said to Celestia. “He’s… in here,” he said, jabbing his temple hard with his forefinger. “He’s in my head. He’s in my head. He’s in my head!”

Three… two…

Celestia leaned forward...

And pierced Ryan’s head with her horn.

Or at least, that’s what it felt like to Ryan. He could see that she had merely placed the tip upon the center of his forehead, and a light glow emanated from it. He could hear muddled voices, as if they’d been slowed down. For a moment, he thought Celestia was simply staring at him. He briefly wondered if he’d just died, but considering the amounts of pain he’d been through recently, it felt very different.

There. That should buy us a little time.

What?

Ryan found that he couldn’t move his mouth; he couldn’t move anything. His arms, body, he had no heartbeat. It was like time simply… stopped, leaving him completely aware. However, motion was slowly beginning to trickle back into reality, the glow from Celestia’s horn stopping his view.

Now, I need you to listen very, very carefully.

Go fuck yourself! Ryan silently screamed at the god of chaos. He felt a slight twinge at the back of his mind, and the world dissolved around him. Faster than he could blink, he found himself back within the confines of the maelstrom of light and color, whipping about with more energy than ever.

Is that your plan? Lock me in here while you go find another puppet!?

Oh, for the love of – will you shut up already and let me speak?

Ryan fell silent, watching as the whirling barrier of demented images slowly began to fade in places.

You don’t have to throw such a filly-fit. You were never mind controlled, I never stole any memories; and the ones I peeked at were the same ones floating around the top, I left this place in pretty good condition! Discord defended himself, and as the barrier faded, Ryan watched in awe as a massive, insanely gigantic form was revealed. It was like an ocean – light, pure light. The (by comparison) pitiful shield of twirling images and colors cowed before it, bracing for impact.

At least, good condition compared to my LAST rental. Jeez, that place was a dump, I’m telling you.

You wanted me to let you speak so you could talk about your shitty bachelor pad?

Discord sighed heavily, and Ryan heard him slowly fading.

You’re an idiot. I didn’t bring you to Equestria, either.

Yeah, I get that a lot. Wait, what?

Now, that’s not to say I didn’t ‘guide’ you here. But I just thought that you should know, there are other forces at work aside from myself. See this, here?

As more of the barrier faded, Ryan watched as multiple pieces of animals floated together out of nothing, forming, quite possibly, the strangest creature Ryan had seen since the one time he’d been talked into an acid trip.

He had a deer antler on one side of his head, mirrored by a goat’s horn. His large, mismatched red and yellow eyes gleamed sharply, and the whipping dragon’s tail behind him swung heavily. A large eagle’s claw rested comfortably atop a lion’s paw on his other arm, and he floated in mid-air with ease despite the fact that his mismatched Pegasus and bat wings weren't flapping. He was sipping a milkshake.

… Okay, what the FUCK?

“Pay attention,” Discord snapped his fingers, pointing at the trembling remains of the barrier. “See that? I didn’t do that.”

… Uh…

“That one’s all yours, pal. I just… kick-started the engine, is all.”

… Explain.

“I’m getting there.” He whipped his tail back and forth, and it brushed against the non-existent ground beneath him agitatedly. “Ugh. Too impatient; so sense of dramatic buildup. Somebody else wanted you somewhere else. Badly enough to try to rip the universe apart to do it. And it was definitely YOU, specifically.”

Ryan listened raptly to Discord’s explanation as the ocean of power and light steadily grew closer.

“I only directed the flow a little. At least, enough to get you out of their reach.”

… Why? Why me?

“I dunno,” Discord shrugged, bored. He flicked the milkshake over his shoulder, where it exploded. “I just figured that if somebody was dumb enough to try reaching through this universe to get to little old you, it might things a tad more interesting around here.”

… I’m only here because you got BORED?!

“No, you’re here because I saved your scrawny white behind from a fate worse than death, and gave you the means to fight back.” Once again, Discord pointed toward the dwindling shield of chaotic images drifting around them.

“Like I said, that’s all you, pal. By the way, did you know that if you force enough magic into it, unicorn horns can act as a natural magical conduit?”

And then the world imploded.

Ryan knew exactly what had happened; he’d anticipated it the very moment Discord twirled into the air, packed a couple of floating yellow suitcases (with a pair of hideously striped orange trousers sticking out awkwardly) and abruptly vanished with a snap of his fingers.

And then, everything had gone straight to hell.

The wave of light hit the flimsy shield and shattered it upon impact, like a wrecking ball through a thin sheet of glass. Despite what Discord had claimed, he had no potential or opportunity to defend himself; he was lost in the flood, promptly crushed beneath wave after wave of sheer, blinding power.

It rose and fell around him, above and beneath, beside and within. Ryan felt an odd sense of perception change once again, letting himself drift away in the overwhelming current of energy.

You know, for gettin’ whacked in the head with that much force, you’d really think I’d be in more pain, he thought absently to himself.

Ah, there you are.

It was painful.

Celestia did her best to navigate her way throughout the alien’s mind, bottlenecking her power to a trickle and probing his innermost sentience as gently as she could.

It was still painful.

For both of them.

To the bystanders, it would merely appear that Princess Celestia had poked Ryan in the forehead with the tip of her glowing horn, and they’d simply stopped moving. Twilight Sparkle, however, had obtained a fair deal of information concerning the magical intrusion upon the minds of others. It was, on the whole, expressly forbidden.

And, from the tortured grimaces appearing on the pair’s faces, it was clear why.

Sweet Christ, that fuckin’ hurts! Back off, back off! Ryan shrieked defensively, attempting to back away from the overwhelming presence.

I’m TRYING to. This is an unpleasant experience for the both of us, I assure you.

Fuck you, horse! Ao-ou-ow! Fuck!

He could occasionally catch glimpses of the room around them; the sanded down, smooth wooden table beneath his fingertips, the light scent of chamomile from Celestia’s too close for comfort presence…

And, just like that, it was gone – lost to the maelstrom of memories.

Some of which weren’t even his.

I know, I know. Her voice echoed comfortingly in a similar manner that Discord’s had, albeit from further away. But I must be assured that Discord’s presence has been completely and irrevocably plunged from the depths of your mind, lest he return with a greater vengeance.

AH! Hey, at least with – fuckfuckfuckthathurt! – that guy, it didn’t – ow! – feel like gettin’ a boilin’ barbed wire enema through my ear!

Ryan could almost feel the princess purse her lips in thought.

Well, that was… graphic.

I get that a lot lately.

She gradually slowed her efforts, although she did her best to avoid any of his memories. Celestia’s flowing force was more akin to an overhead sweep than a purging presence, but Ryan couldn’t tell the difference.

After what felt like an eternity, Celestia slowly retreated from his mind. He watched the light fade with some level of comfort, when a single thought occurred to him.

And he was pretty certain that she heard it, because a slow look of horror dawned on her face as it did so. It was what the winged, miserable apparition Twilight had said to him in that strange wasteland. Even Discord had repeated as much.

… Did you know that if you force enough magic into it, unicorn horns act as a natural magical conduit?

Of all the stupid things Ryan had ever done…

He could feel the power rushing around him – and, for the first time, he reached back out for it.

Apparently, Celestia had not been anticipating this.

If she had, Ryan would no longer be alive.

The instant he mentally grabbed for the energy, he felt his sense of perception alter – no, not just that. It was as if everything suddenly shifted, and he were the one with all the power.

He could feel it.

More than just strength – raw, wondrous snapping chords of sheer power…!

It thrilled him in a way he’d never experienced before, and he felt his heart race faster as sweat beaded down his forehead, falling in rivets onto his hooves. The strength, the outright authority of his mere command; he could do more than fight back.

So much more.

He could rule.

The potential, the hidden valley of indomitable supremacy that flowed from his very core ensured it. He could rule every single one of these savages with an iron fist. Ryan felt a strange sense of euphoria at the notion – but it wasn’t enough. He needed more – he needed more…! It wasn’t enough.

The crackling energy flowing through his outstretched wings, buffeting the steely human in front of him-

More…!

The human in front of him? What happened to… her hooves?

Him? Her?

Me?

He felt a strange sense of urgency to break the spell; he needed to run, needed to escape. Someone was going to get hurt, he knew it. He needed to get out, to stop before someone got hurt badly. But the hunger…!

More! More! More! MORE!

“-ap out of it, snap out of it!”

MORE! MORE!

… More…

Give me more! MORE!

More!

MORE!

MORE!

“ENOUGH!”

Ryan yanked himself forcefully away from the mental chokehold he’d gained on Celestia, the world around coming into focus once more.

The spell broke instantly, and Ryan fell onto the table, heaving for breath. The moment he felt release, he felt as though he’d obtained clarity – although in hindsight, it was more like freedom from temporary insanity. Like a heavy weight had been lifted from his shoulders.

Princess Celestia collapsed as well, although she did not retain consciousness. She collapsed onto the floor, her legs buckling beneath her.

The reactions of the ponies around them were mostly the same, with cries of surprise and shouts for their princess.

Ryan merely gaped, staring mindlessly at his hands in horror.

… I killed her.

“Princess?” Twilight cried out, desperately trying to lift up the much larger one. Her friends rushed to help her, trying in vain to give her leverage. “Princess, wake up!”

“Wake up! Mommy – mommy, please wake up!”

“She’s gone; she’s fuckin’ gone, get over yourself!”

“Please! Please, m-mommy, please wake up!”

Hail, Dawnbreaker.

The events of the frozen wasteland he’d stumbled upon intruded his thoughts. Of the possibility that the particular future he’d seen wasn’t too far away…

I killed her…!

Just how do you think that happened, hmm? ‘Cause I’m pretty sure that was the future, and I’m pretty sure that was YOUR fault. A sneaky voice from the back of his mind said, and he refused to acknowledge the guilt and fear that was grinding into his stomach like a fist.

Shut up – shut up!

He wouldn’t let that future come to pass – he couldn’t let it happen.

“Move – get outta my way!” Ryan yelled, shoving past the gathered ponies. Twilight seemed to be in shock, and Fluttershy looked like she was on the verge of tears. He dropped to his knees, thinking furiously.

I dunno… I don’t know! I don’t know what to do!

And that’s why everyone that gets close to you dies. Idiot.

Shut up, brain!

“Uh…! Er… Ehm…” he breathed heavily, hand flying to her throat. The previously multi-hued mane that had drifted around her head so gracefully had fallen around her, and the shining sparkles of light within it had all but faded. Even the colors seemed dimmer, less bright and garish. He felt feverishly for a pulse, uncertain of where a pony’s jugular vein was.

Do ponies have jugular veins…?

“… I just… I just…!” he heaved, and it felt like a golf ball had lodged itself in his throat.

… Maybe this is what started it. Maybe you killed her, and then Twilight just fell apart trying to fill her shoes…

Shut up brain! Why can’t you ever be helpful, and shut up?!

“H-here,” Fluttershy offered helpfully, gently nudging his hand over slightly and further up. His fingers pressed lightly into her neck, and he kneeled over Celestia’s unconscious form, hoping, praying…!

There.

“Oh, thank god,” he breathed a sigh of relief, wiping the sweat from his brow with the back of his forearm. She was still breathing, but in short and shallow gasps. “Here – ‘cmon, help me get her up.”

Together, they carefully lifted the princess onto the couch. Ryan snapped his fingers in front of her eyes a couple of times, but nothing happened.

“Hey. Yo, ‘cmon fatass. Wakey wakey,” he said nervously, grabbing a book from the shelf and using it to fan her. Celestia’s eye twitched, and she blearily opened one.

“Are.. are you alright, Princess Celestia?” Twilight asked timidly, taking a small step forward.

“Ewe. Urgl ephlem blaw. Ggghg,” she strained, eyes crossing.

“Oh, shit! I gave her brain damage!” Ryan yelped, cradling her head in his arms.

Celestia shook herself free from him, tightly closing her eyes and shaking her head fiercely with a loud blu-bu-bu-bububub-bu!

“… Ow.” She stated simply, doing her absolute best to regain her composure. Her eyes were revealed to be very bloodshot when she opened them, but at least they were pointing in the right direction. “… I’m sorry if I worried you,” she said, wrapping a wing around Twilight and pulling her closer. “Just a little… headache, is all.”

“What happened?” Twilight asked. “We saw you touch his head, and then…!”

“Yeah, I think I got this,” Ryan proffered, leaning against the bookshelf as he sat. He was just glad he hadn’t accidentally killed anyone.

“See, some asshole Discord decided he was gonna make my head into a condo, see?” he explained, holding his hands in front of him as if he were squeezing his brain. “So, he works some mojo and gets all up in my head. Then he’s all ‘Imma let you live, but you gotta be my bitch.’ And I’m all, ‘aw, fuck that, bro’, an’ he’s all-“

“The problem has been resolved thoroughly.” Celestia deadpanned, desperate to cut short Ryan’s pitiful ‘explanation’.

“Bullshit, he’s still out there!” Ryan disagreed, extending his arm and pointing out the window. “Fuck, you even said so! He ain’t gone – and just so you know, he said he didn’t bring me here, either. He was just fuckin’ with somebody else’s plan.”

Celestia balked at him, and she straightened herself on the sofa slightly.

“… Are you certain?” she asked hesitantly, trying to softly push the pain from the ‘headache’ away.

Ryan shrugged unhelpfully. “Uh-eh-uh. I’m just sayin’ what he told me.”

She bowed her head in thought, eyes closing against the too-bright lights. She opened them again once somepony had dimmed the lights-

“… Hey, who turned out the lights?” Applejack gasped suddenly, and the group carefully backed against the walls of the library as the darkness descended upon them instantly.

… Oh, buck me with a shovel. Celestia thought grimly to herself with an inward groan.

“Who hast stricken our sister with such vile magics?!”

The voice itself was nearly enough to knock Ryan off his feet, and a glow erupted from the center of the room. He noticed vaguely that a similar power to Celestia’s was forcing itself into the middle of the treehouse/library/thing.

It then occurred to him that he was sensing energy.

… ‘The fuck?

And that was all the time he had to think before wave after wave of cold power slammed into him, forcing him to his knees. The tall, dark and imposing figure of a mare clad in armor like the darkest night strode into his vision, and he could see his own reflection in the polished black steel shoes on her hooves. Glancing up, he could see the hooves connecting to long, slender legs, which gradually wound gracefully into the shapely figure of a rather intimidating looking alicorn.

Her wings flared violently, and the whirling dark ether simultaneously snapped shut behind her with an impressive thunderous boom! as lightning flared from her horn, winding its way in a serpentine fashion through her sky-colored mane and onto her back, trickling in sparks down to the floor.

Ryan found that the mane, itself, was almost hypnotizing to behold; the more he stared at the seemingly endless expanse of tiny stars that dwelt within, the harder it was to look away.

“Thou shalt pay for thine actions, heathen abomination!”

“Luna.”

“Thy crimes against both the diarchy and mine sister shall have dire ramifications!”

“Luna,” Celestia repeated, shuffling off of Twilight’s sofa.

“Bow, foul beast, and ready thine soul for the rapturous oblivion of eternal-!”

“Lulu!”

… Lulu?

The dark mare halted her speech, and Ryan felt his ears ringing afterwards. After a couple of moments, the slightly smaller black alicorn spoke. Thankfully, in a much quieter voice.

“… Yes, Tia?” she replied calmly. “We do believe it quite the inconvenience to interrupt one when attempting to eradicate another’s existence completely,” she stated as if discussing the weather, glaring daggers at Ryan.

“… What?” he shrugged. “I didn’t do anything.”

“Technically, yes. You did.” Celestia intervened, and immediately regretted doing so.

“… Bow, foul beast, and ready thine soul for the rapturous oblivion of eternal-!”

“Luna!” Celestia shouted over the din to make herself heard.

“Yes, sister?” she said impatiently, tapping a hoof against the ground. The steel on her hoof clinked against the floor, and for a moment, Ryan was reminded of a very large child.

Albeit, a child with the power to crush him like an insect.

“My… unfortunate circumstance was also partially my own fault,” she admitted, before quickly continuing. “Our fears have been substantiated; Discord worms his way back into our world once more.”

‘Lulu’ stared at her sister, eyes widening. “Doth mine ears deceive me, sister?”

“You know, nopony talks like that anymore,” Twilight said gently, placing a hoof on Luna’s shoulder. “And it’s good to see you again, princess.”

“Hang on, hang on-“ Ryan said, holding up a hand. It was getting hard enough for him to keep up beforehand. “This is some ‘Days of Our Lives’ shit, right here. Okay, so that’s your-“ he said, pointing to Celestia. “-sister, and she’s also a princess.”

“Right,” Twilight nodded.

“…’Cause I heard plenty of stories from Rarity about some bitch who went all dark n’ mysterious and shit, and tried making eternal night. You kinda fit that description… like, a lot.” Ryan said, standing. He was almost certain he’d begun to lose feeling in his legs from remaining forced to the floor for so long.

“Yes, er… well, you see dear…” Rarity began awkwardly, unsure of how to finish.

“Princess Luna is Nightmare Moon,” Twilight finished for her. “But she’s reformed!” she added swiftly, seeing the black alicorn’s head droop slightly upon discovering that absolutely nobody had forgotten her previous attempts at night eternal.

“We…” Luna started, and cleared her throat. “I can never apologize enough for our actions…” she pawed the ground uncomfortably, as if trying to find the right thing to say. She bit her bottom lip unhappily, and a fleeting look of guilt passed over her equine features. And, for a single moment, Luna didn’t look like the imposing and powerful figure of Nightmare Moon he’d heard so many horror stories about. She didn’t look like the regal princess of an entire country. She didn’t even look like an immortal being overflowing with power.

She looked like a little kid, dressing up in her parent’s clothes and playing pretend.

And she looked… sad.

… Aw, fuck no. Brain, don’t you do that.

… A little late…

Fuck, fuck fuck fuck no. Brain…!

Sorry, no can do.

Brain, you motherfucker, don’t you DARE do that to me!

Aaaaaaaand… there it is.

As difficult as it was, as hard as he tried (and believe me, try, he did) Ryan simply couldn’t find it within himself to hate the mare.

“I understand your concerns, Lulu.” Celestia said tiredly, wrapping a wing around her sister comfortingly. “… And thank you for coming to my aid so quickly.”

… What’s she playin’ at? It took Ryan a full beat to realize that Celestia was trying to help her sister save face.

“Thankfully, the… human may be more trustworthy than we had originally expected,” she stated admittedly, glancing back over at Ryan. “He has been freed of Discord’s malice… for now.”

Ryan held back a snort. Discord had never been using him like a puppet; he’d lied to him, he’d mocked him and annoyed him. He’d give taunting clues and hints, laugh at him and watch him fail miserably as he attempted to decipher precisely what Discord was up to by speaking directly into his mind.

But at least Discord had never directly hurt him.

As a matter of fact, Discord had voiced his urgency of keeping Ryan alive and well on numerous occasions…

But why?

Discord had even gone so far as to explain so much more than Celestia, or even Twilight had ever bothered.

And Discord had never pried directly into his mind.

Unlike a certain alicorn princess…

Which looked awfully similar to her sister and Ohhh, there’s that hate.

“Are you sure ya’ don’t wanna stay any longer, yer- uh, your highness?” Applejack asked keenly, awaiting Luna’s reply.

“Nay, I fear not. Our duties come before pleasure, I must admit. The night awaits.” She said softly, walking out of the library’s front door with her sister.

And, of course, Ryan just couldn’t help but poke the sleeping metaphorical bear with a stick.

A metaphorical stick.

“Hey, wait up!” he said, waving to Celestia. “Aren’tcha gonna say somethin’ romantic, like ‘I’ll call you later, baby’ or some shit?”

“… What.” Celestia deadpanned, and Luna shot a couple of odd glances between the two.

“Or, Christ, I usually smoke a cigarette or somethin’ afterewards. Jesus.”

“… What?”

“Hell, you could have taken me out to dinner first!”

Ryan watched with satisfaction as a light pink tinge arose in both princesses cheeks as they simultaneously arrived at a similar conclusion. However, Luna had a very, very different idea of what had transpired.

“And, hey, lard ass,” he added for good measure. “… Try to remember to wear a rubber on that horn of yours the next time you mind fuck me!”

“Oh, dear, would you look at the time,” Rarity said suddenly, gazing to an empty patch on her forehoof. “It’s so very late, I simply must be going.” She stalked briskly past the princesses, and swiftly took off.

Celestia looked at him wearily, but Luna seemed torn between another outburst of rage and shying away uneasily. It was a very strange look. “Er… sister, I… I had no idea that you had become quite so… intimate with this particula-“

“Perish the thought, Lulu.” Celestia said abruptly, but her eyes were twinkling with a jovial light. “No such thing occurred, regardless of Miller’s inane insinuations.”

“Besides,” she added jokingly as she closed the door with a smile and deftly placed a wing over her younger sister’s shoulder. “I would have broken you.” Celestia grinned smugly, leaving Ryan rather flabbergasted.

It was silent in the library for several moments, before Ryan exploded into loud, guffawing peals of laughter.

“Fuckin’ bitch! Ha ha!” he noticed Twilight and her silent friends staring at him, and he quickly stopped himself and cleared his throat. “Er-hum. Uh… well. They seemed… nice.”

“… Ryan, you’re an idiot.”

“Yeah, I get that a lot.”

All of Twilight’s friends had left for the night, save for Fluttershy. Spike dozed on the couch next to Ryan, snoring softly. His tiny scaled chest rose and fell quietly, little puffs of steam occasionally escaping his nostrils.

In other words, he looked fucking adorable and it took absolutely every scrap of self-control Ryan had not to grin.

“Um… Mis- I-I mean, um… Ryan,” Fluttershy stuttered, nervously wishing she’d simply left with her friends. Twilight was upstairs, busy readying an impromptu schedule for the next day.

“Well, um, you see, I-I, um…”

“Spit it out.” Ryan deadpanned, only serving to make her more nervous. She shrank uncomfortably, ruffling her wings. He was immediately stricken with an odd sense of guilt.

Goddamit brain, cut that out!

Quit talkin’ to yourself, and maybe I’ll consider it.

Get bent!

“Christ,” Ryan breathed, leaning forward and running a hand through his greasy hair. “… ‘sokay, kid. If it’s botherin’ you that much, you don’t hafta-“

“Here.”

Ryan blinked, and Fluttershy dropped a small slip of faded paper into his lap.

“… Whazzis?”

“Well, I…” she cleared her throat, forcing herself to look him in the eye. “You just seemed so very unhappy when you weren’t, you know… you,” she said, looking pointedly at his chest. It was easier than looking at his beady black eyes; hard, cold and hungry. “So, um… I thought that this might… cheer you up, maybe just a little…” Fluttershy finished fretfully, pawing the floor in front of her as she hid more and more of her face behind her overflowing pink mane.

Unfolding it, Ryan discovered that it was the same photograph of his family that he’d given to Fluttershy.

He simply sat there for a moment, staring at it.

Fluttershy wondered if she’d possibly done something wrong; if maybe she’d accidentally made things worse. His eyes never left the paper for the longest time, although he slowly ran a thumb over it a couple of times.

After several awkward moments of silence (for Fluttershy, anyway) Ryan eventually raised his head from the photograph. To Fluttershy’s immense relief, he didn’t look quite as mean as he usually did when he looked up. Well, he still looked mean; however, his eyes had gained a quieter, gentler tone.

“… Thank you.”

“Oh, um… you… you don’t have to, um… don’t mention it.” Fluttershy said lowly.

Ryan snorted, tucking the paper into his pocket. “A’course I do. Can’t go ‘round lettin’ you little fuckers makin’ me soft, now can I?” he said with a grin, but the easy, nearly-kind tone never left his smile. “… I’ll get back to ‘em. Eventually.” The last part he finished a bit uncertainly, and his face hardened once again.

“… So. How ‘bout them mind rapin’ princesses, eh?”

Ryan was expecting Fluttershy to hesitate or recoil, to draw up into her shell and just go away. Instead, she merely stared at him.

“… You don’t hate them nearly as much as you’d like us to think you do.” she stated bluntly, with much more courage than she really felt.

“… Bullshit,” Ryan said, but it was plain to see he was still uncertain. His eyes darted back and forth, wondering when Twilight was going to hurry the hell up and get Fluttershy out of the house.

“Oh, really?” Fluttershy continued, pressing on. “I think you’re more bark than you are bite; you just don’t want to let anypony get close to you.”

“… What makes you say that?”

“You did seem awfully relieved when you found out Princess Celestia was going to be okay.”

“Flutters,” he began in a low voice.

“And you looked absolutely mortified when you thought she was hurt because of you.”

“Yellow,” he said more loudly, abandoning his attempts to remain quiet enough to let Spike sleep.

“… I think you’re scared, because you aren’t certain of what’s important anymore.”

“FLUTTERSHY!” he said loudly as he stood, whishing she’d just stop talking. He towered over her, looming frighteningly above.

“I think you’re afraid of your own feelings, just as much as you are of never finding your family again.”

Ryan fell silent, lips closed tightly enough together that they’d paled. After a moment, a fleeing look of sadness crossed his face, and he sat heavily next to the twitching dragon. Spike kicked one of his little legs out spasmodically.

“… I-I’m sorry,” she faltered. “… I… I didn’t mean – I, I just-“

“I get it.” Ryan said huskily, crossing his arms. “... Just ‘cause I made a promise to make sure none of your friends got hurt,” he said, thinking back to the incident in her cottage, “don’t mean I care about any of you. I care ‘bout one thing, and one thing only.”

He leaned forward dangerously, and his eyes darkened.

“Nothin’ means more to me than my family does. Nothing. And if it means that I gotta go through your precious princesses to go home, then I swear to god, I’ll do it. I’ll burn this whole fuckin’ place to the ground just so I can get home.”

“Then why didn’t you?”

She caught him off guard with her unexpected boldness. True, she looked hurt; there were tears glistening in her eyes, and her voice was shaking, but she stood her ground.

“… What?”

“Why didn’t you?” she repeated more firmly. “We all saw what happened – you had Princess Celestia dead to rights. You could have just… ended her, right then and there. But you didn’t.”

When Ryan remained silent, she pushed further on. “But you were worried. You were worried than somepony else got hurt because of you. You aren’t even close to how mean you think you are, and you aren’t half the monster you make yourself out to be.”

“… Kid, you don’t know a goddamned thing about monsters.” He growled deeply, fists clenching tightly as old memories resurfaced.

For all of the surprises Fluttershy had, this one probably topped them all. She walked right up to him, and for a split second, he was half-afraid she was going to hit him. Instead, she grabbed his collar with her hooves and gently but firmly pulled him down to eye level.

“… You look me right in the fucking eye, and say that again.”

Ryan flinched, trying to inch away from her bright blue eyes. It was like she was staring directly into his soul.

Then again, considering the fact that Celestia had all but done the exact same thing, it wasn’t too different. Just more uncomfortable.

He tried to answer, but Ryan found that his voice seemed to have failed him. His mouth opened and closed several times, but nothing came out.

“Say. That. Again.”

It was very strange, discovering that he honestly couldn’t. Her eyes lost the hard, steely look, and Ryan silently berated himself for being intimidated by a pony. She gently released him and turned to leave, but almost whispered over her shoulder as she did so.

“Somepony once said, ‘running from monsters only urges them to chase you faster’. Somepony else said ‘if you fight monsters for too long, you’ll become a monster, too’. It doesn’t matter what you do, in the end; running away and hiding, or standing your ground.” She opened the door, letting in the cool night air. Ryan could tell she was doing her absolute best to retain her composure, but she was nearly falling apart when she looked back at him. “Sometimes, no matter what you do, the monsters still win.” It occurred to him that maybe, just maybe, he wasn't the only one hurting.

The lamp flickered out as she softly closed the door, leaving him sitting very, very quietly with his hands clasped tightly in his lap, next to the snoring Spike.

Ryan sat there for what felt like an eternity, staring at the door. His mind felt almost numb.

He hated himself.

Soft. You’ve already gone soft.

… Shut up, brain.

He should have guessed, he should have known; he’d seen the look Fluttershy had given him before. The sad, pained look Tiny Tim would always give him, wondering when ‘Superman’ would come back to see him again.

His cousin’s look when asking about their mother.

The look Tiffany gave him every single time he left early.

He couldn’t stand it.

The empty, forlorn look of someone who’s lost all hope, and still chosen to keep fighting.

Hope was strange, in that aspect; it could unite the many, bring joy to the comfortless. It warmed the hearts of even the most war-torn veterans, enraptured the cold and alone. It was similar to friendship, in that aspect. Like kindness.

It was a curse.

Choosing to keep that tiny, insignificant sliver of hope when all else was abandoned. It forced one to rise again, each day and face the horrors of the world anew.

And Ryan hated it.

He hated it, he loathed absolutely everything about that despicable, wretched thing called hope with all of his mind, body and soul.

And yet, watching the little dragon sleeping next to him, he remembered why he clung to it so very tightly.

Ryan sighed heavily, forcing the dark thoughts out of his head. It was getting late, anyway. He quietly stalked upstairs, seeing the only light in the treehouse and making directly for it. It came from Twilight’s study, the soft, dim glow casting dancing shadows out into the hall. Peering around the corner, he found her drooling over a writing desk, a lightly-inked quill sitting on the table next to a half-finished letter.

A small smile played on his lips, but he pushed it away as he wordlessly picked up the sleeping lavender mare and laid her on her bed. She grumbled a couple of times about Pinkie Pie and oatmeal, but never rose. Silently, he remembered the sleeping Spike on the couch downstairs and made the creaky trek back down.

After lifting the tiny drake in his arms (who was much heavier than he looked,) Ryan carried him up the stairs and gently tucked him into his bed before making for his own.

Spike rolled as Ryan set him down, eyes twitching as he grabbed his little blankets while he yawned quietly.

“G’night, daddy.”

…

No.

Eeyup.

Brain, you MOTHERFU-

It felt like a sharp, searing pain was shooting through his left side, and he attempted to block it out. It was too late, however. He had to force his voice down to silence himself, but a small whimper of pain still escaped his lips as he walked away.

Friendship, loyalty, kindness, generosity, honesty, laughter. These were terrible things.

Hope was a terrible, terrible thing.

Love was even worse.

Author's Notes:

And to think, Ryan started off as such a complete bastard.
...
Yeah, he's still a bastard. Get over it.