“Okay, okay, o- aagh, fuck!” Ryan yelped, falling to the ground.

“Hang on, you can do it.” Lyra stated, helping him to his feet. “Just a little further, and we’re done for the day.”

Ryan started healing at a fast pace; however, it still wasn’t enough to cover the extent of his injuries. He hobbled along the best he could, putting all his weight on his left leg. He’d fallen into the habit of walking with a slight crouch, so as to avoid hurting his back anymore. Even then, ripples of pain would randomly shoot through his gash, forcing him to the floor in agony.

As a result, he’d slowly become more skittish, and reluctant to move in anything more than a slow shuffle.

Lyra hated seeing him like this.

Every morning, Lyra would help Ryan to his feet, gradually making certain he could begin moving without too much pain. He’d slowly begun to pick up pace, although that was the only real progress they made.

The pair slowly made their way down the street, making a beeline for the library.

“Easy, now; that’s it. Just a little further.” Lyra urged him on, careful to stay close in case he fell again. He hated relying on her so much, although he supposed he should have been thankful. Out of all the ponies that had either come to visit him or tried to help, Lyra was the only one there every hour, of every day.

Maybe it had something to do with the fact that he was healing inside her house.

Either way, by the time he could walk (or at least shuffle) again, he finally talked Twilight into allowing him to stay at the library once again. Provided, of course, that he could make it there himself.

He gritted his teeth, running his hands along the cool stone wall of a building. One way or another; he’d get there.

It took him a full beat before he realized that he’d just passed the 8-Bits.

“… Fuck me with a shovel.”

“Sounds kinky, but I think I’ll pass,” Lyra said dryly, giving him a grin. She always had an answer to whatever he said, every time. It helped that she had a better sense of humor than Ryan did.

He twisted his head around, trying to get a good look at the place, but it was already gone.

“At least it can’t get any worse,” he grumbled, continuing his slow march forward, the library gradually coming into sight. It seemed so much farther away than it really was…

By the time they finally arrived, Ryan was drenched.

Not just because of the sweat, but because half way there, it began pouring down rain.

“Ugh. ‘Kay, next one.” Spike moaned, extending a claw.

“That’s all the letters for today, Spike.” Twilight said, pouring herself a cup of coffee. She’d worked all through the night, but every single letter had finally been reorganized.

“Really?” he asked hopefully.

“Yes, Spike,” she said reassuringly as she took a small sip. “really.” She was still a bit angry at the baby dragon for falling for Ryan’s ruses so easily, but in his defense, he was still technically just a baby dragon. She hadn’t expected Ryan to forge her writing, and she’d gone through every single letter she had at least four times, making certain that she still had copies of every single one.

Oh, Princess Celestia was less than pleased at receiving spam mail.

But, after so much work, all the chaos in Canterlot Ryan had inadvertently (or, for all she knew, quite deliberately) caused had finally been brought into check. It would be a long time before she finally lived down the Princess's livid replies of 'jam a shovel WHERE?! Ryan would do anything to upset the balance, in all likelihood.

As to why Princess Celestia sent her twenty-six crates of bananas was still a mystery, because according to her, she never got any letters from ‘Twilight’ asking for bananas.

Still, they were high in potassium, and they were likely to last a while. So, in short, everyone in Ponyville got free bananas that day.

Twilight was just about ready to settle down with a good book, when her front door inconspicuously opened with all the quiet collectiveness of an angry panda with its paw caught in a blender.

WHAM!

“Coming through!”

“Oh, my goodness, it’s everywhere!”

“Y’all better get yer hooves ta yerselves, or my hoof’s goin’ up one a’ yer rears!”

“Sweet Christ, my leg!”

It was, quite simply, a cornucopia of ponies, pinches, puddles and pain.

Lyra was the first to detangle herself from the group, closing the door behind them to keep the storm out. It had slowly grown into a behemoth of a thunderstorm, rain whipping this way and that in the fierce wind.

Rarity clambered off of Applejack in what she hoped was a collected and ladylike demeanor, patting down her hair. It was no use, however; the rain had it sopping wet.

Applejack, coated in mud, wiped her hooves on the mat beneath her. She was likely to have continued doing so, had the ‘mat’ in question not groaned loudly and shoved her off.

“You’re here awfully late, especially in the middle of a storm,” Twilight noted. “is something the matter?”

“Take a wild guess, darlin’,” Applejack said dryly. It was the only dry thing about her. She shook her hat off, placing it deftly back on top of her head. “That out there’s a heckuva storm, bigger’n the last one!”

“Yes, well, dear,” Rarity said, looking in disgust at the newly muddied Ryan. “what else can one expect when the weather patrol slacks off?”

Ryan thought for a moment, leaning against a wall. “There’s a weather patrol?” he asked. He hadn’t even heard of any such thing.

“It’s mainly Pegasi,” Twilight interjected helpfully. “didn’t you know that?”

“No,” Ryan said, shaking his shaggy black hair back and forth, water droplets flying everywhere. Rarity stepped back in horror before any of the water could land on her. “Nobody tells me jack shit.”

It was mainly true; not many of the inhabitants of Ponyville, not even Twilight, had told him very much about the place he was living in. Then again, any time he had questions, he never asked for an answer. Partially because he’d made the mistake of asking Twilight to explain something once before, and it had taken six hours to get her to stop.

Secondly, (Ryan happened to be more than a little insecure) he just didn’t want to look like he didn’t know what was going on in front of anybody else.

He was failing horribly at it most of the time.

“Are you going to be okay from here on out?” Lyra asked Ryan, tilting her head slightly to get the water out of her ear.

“Wha- don’t tell me you’re planning on going back through that,” he pointed out the window, dumbfounded.

“Bon-Bon’s waiting on me,” she said, blushing slightly. “If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you were concerned about my well-being.”

“Hey, fuck your well-being.” Ryan said grumpily, although a small smirk began creeping onto his face.

Twilight looked between the unlikely pair for a couple of moments, thinking.

Lyra merely shook her head with a small smile, and looked out the window. “Remember what I said, now.”

“The feather is erotic, it’s only kinky when you use the whole chicke-“

“Not that, not that!” she blurted quickly, cutting him off. “I meant, about help! If you need help, you know where to, um… where to find me.” she finished lamely, color flying into her cheeks when she realized the others were staring at her.

Particularly Ryan, who had the largest, shark-like grin on his face she’d ever seen.

“Oh, hey, look at the time,” Lyra said absentmindedly as she checked a nonexistent watch on her wrist. “gotta go, bye!” she said breathlessly, slipping out the door and into the storm. Ryan was half-tempted to stick his head out after her.

And tell her that she’d run off in the wrong direction.

After a couple moments of quiet dripping, Twilight stared at Rarity and Applejack. Rarity was the first to get the message.

“Oh, darling, you can’t be serious – would you really throw two of your best friends out into the storm like that?”

Twilight sighed heavily, putting down her cup. “I suppose not… Ooh! Idea!”

Aw, fuck.

“Are you thinkin’ what I’m thinkin’?” Applejack asked coyly.

Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.

“Slumber party!” the three ponies cheered.

Well, Ryan thought to himself as he sank down into a chair, at least Spike looks as pissed as I do.

Things were not going as Twilight had planned. She even made a checklist.

“Because some ponies actually have the common courtesy to wipe their hooves off outside.”

“And some ponies are so afraid of dirt, they won’t even go outside!”

“Wallowing in soil is not ladylike behavior!”

“Ah don’t waller, ah’m just not afraid of a little dirt!”

“Filthy!”

“Fru fru!”

“Hooligan!”

“Pansy!”

“SHUT THE FUCK UP!” Ryan roared, and his back twinged painfully. He shifted uncomfortably, hoping the pain wouldn’t flare up again. Rarity and Applejack had been at each other’s throats, nearly the entire time. Quite frankly, Twilight was glad Ryan had jarred them out of their argument. It would leave her with just enough room to hopefully help break the ice.

If Ryan had to choose between the shit storm brewing inside and the actual storm outside, he’d have a difficult time deciding.

“Er… Ooh, I know!” Twilight said excitedly, tucking away a book. “Slumber parties always have games; how about Truth or Dare?”

If there is a God in heaven, please… don’t let the little shits include me.

“Hmmph. Fine,” Applejack said huffily. “Ah dare Rarity ta’ get her mane all wet again.”

Rarity stared at Applejack in shock, dropping the brush she’d been using. “But-but-but- I just finished!”

After a couple of moments, Rarity stomped outside while shooting one of the most venomous glares Ryan had ever seen, topped only by the demon bunny.

She trudged back in unhappily, sopping wet from top to bottom. Applejack burst into laughter, rolling onto her back.

“Oh, so that’s the way it’s going to be, is it?” Rarity asked, her eyes narrowing beneath her drooping wet mane. “I dare Applejack to wear the girliest, prettiest, most fru-fru dress imaginable!”

“Now, how in tarnation am I supposed ter-“ she was promptly cut off as Rarity’s horn glowed, and Ryan saw a rather perturbingly wicked gleam in her eye.

As it turns out, Rarity could make clothing from just about anything.

When she was finally finished, thread and spare bobby pins dropped to the floor, and Rarity tossed her mane haughtily. “My, Applejack. I must admit, you look positively stunning.” She said mockingly, and Ryan could see that Applejack could barely breath through the new dress she’d been forced into.

“What the- it’s-it’s-it’s…!”

“Beautiful? Gorgeous? Dashing?”

“Gol-darned awful! Git it off me!”

She did, indeed, look awfully ridiculous. At least, goofy enough that Ryan decided that maybe being caught in the crossfire wouldn’t be too bad.

The poor, poor bastard.

It didn’t take much from there for Rarity and Applejack to devolve into more pointless arguing.

Thunder boomed loudly, and it was nearby enough to catch their attention. Twilight took advantage of the situation, holding up a pillow.

“Er… perhaps a pillow fight will help relieve tension?” she suggested helpfully.

Christ, the hell is she doing, checking off a list of sleepover clichés?

“I’d be delighted, darling, but my hooficure – oof!” Rarity stumbled, taking a pillow to the face. Applejack bounced another on her front hoof, grinning evilly.

“What’s the matter, sugarcube? Can’t handle a little – applesauce!” she ducked as pillow flew right over her head.

“Hah! Missed – oof!” another came flying directly at her, this one slapping her in the face. Rarity levitated a couple more in the air, giving Applejack a death glare when she lifted a couple of pillows and held them aloft, ready to swing.

“… Oh, it. Is. On.”

Ryan suddenly wished he were no longer in the crossfire.

Rarity telekinetically heaved a large pillow directly overhead, and Applejack dived to the side. She swerved in close to Rarity, holding the pillow in her mouth and swinging as hard as she could.

What followed was a massive clusterfuck of pillows, feathers, and censored death threats.

Ryan idly thought to himself that these kinds of fights were usually reserved for Pay-Per-View, chin in his hand. He was fairly detached from the whole scene, for a while – at least, until he took a pillow directly to the face.

And screw how soft pillows are; at high speeds, those suckers hurt.

Ryan grinned, grabbing a pillow off the floor and limping toward the offender. He hurled it back at Applejack, who in turn grabbed it midair and swung it directly at Rarity’s face. She toppled over from the impact, hitting the floor. As she fell, she used her magic to trip up Applejack, bringing her down as well. Rarity was the first up, levitating a pillow and pummeling the orange pony in the side of the head with it.

Applejack grabbed a nearby pillow in her hoof, slapping Rarity in the face with an upward swing. Rarity flew backwards, and Ryan was beginning to suspect that they might have been swinging a little harder than they normally might have.

At least, that was his thought when Rarity’s freshest pillow missile hit him directly in the stomach, knocking him back into the wooden wall.

A fiery pain shot through his back, and his vision went a little dark around the edges.

“Enough, enough!” Twilight yelled, and her horn glowed brightly. The barrage of pillows between the two came to an eventual halt, every single one of them held aloft in the air by Twilight’s magic. She carefully stacked the pillows over in the corner, trotting over to help Ryan to his feet.

Thinking quickly, she said “Um… maybe we should, er… try scary stories, instead?” she asked hopefully.

“Just no pillows,” Ryan groaned.

Rarity looked a little guilty for having caused him injury, but apparently, it wasn’t as strong as her loathing for Applejack.

“… And there, dangling from the rearview mirror…” Ryan said in a spooky voice. “Was… the hook!”

The ponies deadpanned in unison. At least there was something they could agree upon.

“Darlin’, that was jus’ awful.” Applejack said.

“She’s right, you know. That entire story was choc full of logical inconsistencies,” Twilight said thoughtfully.

“I’ve heard scarier stories from Sweetie Belle about what show and tell project she took to school.”

“Oh, seriously, fuck you guys.” Ryan said, throwing his hands up. He’d worked hard on the presentation for that story. “Like you could come up with anything better.”

“I don’t know, dear,” Rarity said. “I’ve heard this simply dreadful tale of a filthy pony, one with absolutely no manners at all.”

Oh, God, Rarity, you… you cunt.

“And ah know a great one about this here sissy-frissy, namby-pamby spoiled mare with too many complaints and not enough problems ta’ need ‘em!” Applejack retorted.

Please not the pillows. Please not the pillows. Please not the pillows.

“And I know a positively-“

“Hey, it sure is getting late!” Ryan spouted in a far too chipper voice. Twilight stared at him, quickly catching on.

“Oh, wow, look at the time,” Twilight said, looking out the window at the still-raging storm. She let out a fake yawn, covering her mouth with her hoof. “We really should be tucking in for the night.”

Thankfully, that kept Applejack and Rarity from killing each other… for now.

The three of them quickly wound their way up the stairs, leaving Ryan rather forlornly at the bottom.

Considering how much trouble he’d gone through to get back to the library, a single flight of stairs shouldn’t prove to be too much trouble.

The poor, poor bastard.

Thunk. “Ow.”

Thunk. “Ow.”

Thunk. “Ow.”

Thunk. “Ow!”

Thunk. “Ow.”

Thunk. “Ow.”

It was difficult, climbing the stairs with a nearly lame leg. He managed it, though, and even though it hurt like hell, he felt some small level of satisfaction. He did it, without help.

Of course I did it without help. That’s how I do everything; that’s how it gets done right.

That didn’t stop him from wishing Twilight had simply left his bed downstairs. It was quite a bit bigger than the others, and tucked away in a corner. It was neatly kept, with a deep green blanket. Compared to Lyra’s sofa, it looked like heaven.

He was just about to drop into it when Twilight spoke up. “Oh, I knew I forgot something. I’ll grab a couple more pillows.” And with that, her horn glowed brightly, and she vanished in a flash of violet light.

Ryan stared blankly at the spot she’d been a moment before, and a few seconds later, she reappeared with a similar flash.

She was tossing them evenly between the beds, when she noticed Ryan staring.

“… What?”

“Since when can you fucking teleport?”

“I’ve been practicing for a few weeks.”

“But you let me drag myself all the way up the goddamn stairs?!” he shouted, balling his fists up. His back was beginning to twinge again, but he ignored it.

She was silent for a moment, and answered “So far, I can only do it short distances. And secondly, I still haven’t tried it with anypony else. As far as I know, trying to teleport you with that kind of inexperience could easily turn you inside out. That’s why I never just teleported you from Bon-Bon’s, and I was afraid using magic to move you could wind up injuring you just as badly as carrying you myself.”

“… Oh.” Ryan said lamely, and he felt a little guilty about yelling at her. He quickly pushed the guilt away. It wasn’t his fault they never told him anything. It was easier to deal with things when they weren’t his fault.

“… ‘kay, I’m taking my bed downstairs tonight,” Spike announced. His little claws wrapped around the edges of what Ryan guessed was little more than a padded basket. He dragged it swiftly downstairs, grumbling about ‘not getting involved in this one’. Applejack and Rarity had already settled into their own bed, which they were apparently sharing so that Twilight and Ryan could each have their own.

Ryan was only slightly jealous of Spike.

It took him forever to fall asleep, listening to the quiet bickering of Orange and White. It seemed like every time he started to doze off, those two would start at it again. And it was always something stupid, like hogging the blankets or too much rustling. Even Twilight seemed to be more than a little upset at their antics.

He didn’t know whether it was because he was hurting and sleep deprived, or if he was just that sick of them, but using those pillows to smother the little monsters in their sleep suddenly sounded like a very logical and appealing idea to him.

“Well, I wouldn’t have that problem in the first place, if you weren’t so busy hogging the blankets!”

Sweet merciful Jewish Krishna Buddha zombie Jesus, not this again.

“Ah can’t hear ya, ah’m asleep.” Applejack snored rather unconvincingly, and Rarity levitated a pillow and hit her with it again.

“For the love of – will you two cut it out?” Twilight snapped as she lit a lamp. Ryan hadn’t noticed before that she too had bags beneath her eyes. He would’ve guessed that she hadn’t slept in a couple of days. He felt yet another unexpected pang of guilt, although he couldn’t guess why.

“Come on, ya’ little shits,” Ryan said, trying to sit up without hurting himself. He was getting better at it with practice. “if you two don’t start getting’ along, like real friends are supposed to do,” he said, jabbing a finger at them dangerously. “I swear, I will cunt punt you two so hard you’ll be tastin’ toenails for the next month.”

Applejack and Rarity gaped at him, exchanging nervous glances.

“And if I’m lyin’,” he said, holding up a single hand. “May God strike me dead.”

At that precise moment, an enormous blast of lightning struck the library, shattering a tree down the middle next to the building/tree/library/thing. They all jumped at the noise, and for a moment, Ryan was very, very silent. Applejack gasped, staring out the window at the falling tree. At the rate it was going, it would hit the building next door. Rarity and Twilight realized it at the same time, but Ryan was too busy gloating to see Applejack tossing a lasso out the window, regardless of Twilight’s attempt to stop her.

“HAH!” Ryan shouted, flipping the bird at the ceiling. “Fuck you, God! Bring your A-game next time!”

Ryan nearly wet himself when the tree came crashing in through the window.

Ironically enough, through another tree.

The wind roared as it whipped about the inside of the library, blowing everything about.

“See?” Twilight shouted over the storm. “I tried to warn you!”

“Ah can’t move this thing!” Applejack cried out, desperately trying to shove it back through the newly created hole in the wall.

Ryan really wouldn’t have expected Rarity, out of all of them, to get her hooves dirty. However, she stood right next to Applejack and helped to push it back out. Ryan eventually hobbled over, lending his own strength, but it still wasn’t enough.

“Hey, Purple!” he shouted over the weather. “Wanna try that teleport thingy?”

“It’s not a ‘teleport thingy’,” she said, deadpanning. “It’s – wait, I have an idea! Rarity!”

Rarity’s horn glowed brightly for a moment, and Twilight saw what she was doing and slowly backed away. Applejack and Ryan did the same, watching as bits of the tree were slowly pulled off and magically transformed into… topiary. Ryan and Applejack helped with the larger chunks of the tree, and Twilight steadily began rebuilding the wall.

After much work, they finally managed to completely seal off the hole. Twilight was panting heavily, looking a little sadly at her own soaked bed, which had been the closest to the window.

“Thanks fer… the helpin’ hoof, Rare.” Applejack said, giving her a friendly smile. “And here I thought you was ‘fraid ta’ get dirty.”

“Well, dear…” Rarity began. “… I suppose Ryan was right in some aspects. You are my friend, after all. And I’d much rather get a little dirty than see you get squished by a tree. Most of the time.”

“Well, gee, thanks… I guess.” Applejack said wryly, cocking an eyebrow.

“You’re most welcome.” Rarity said. “Now, if you don’t mind, I am simply exhausted.”

“Me too,” Twilight agreed, clambering into her own bed.

“Me three.” Ryan groaned, carefully lying down on his, quietly thankful that it was the farthest from the window lest another tree come flying in.

I’m not in the mood to give God any second chances.

After a while, the lamp light dimmed, until eventually, it was dark at last. The rain came pattering down relentlessly outside, and the thunder still rumbled every now and then.

Just as Ryan was beginning to fall asleep, he heard a slight rustling and felt a shifting of the covers on his side. He lurched, just in time for Rarity to shush him.

“Okay, the fuck…!”

“Quiet, dear.” She whispered, crawling into bed next to him.

“What are you doing?” he whispered back, trying not to wake the others. Not that he didn’t consider it.

“I-“ she stopped, and Ryan could tell she was struggling, even though he couldn’t see. “I’m sorry you were hurt because of me.”

“Just quit with the pillows an’ shit, I’ll be fi-“

“That’s not what I meant,” she interrupted in a hushed tone. “I… I should have known better. I already knew you were hurt, and I only made it worse. I’m sorry.”

Ryan breathed deeply, trying to think of the right thing to say. After much mental searching, he could only think of one thing to say.

“… I forgive you. You’re still a good friend.”

What he wanted to say was that, yes, he had partially blamed her for his injuries and that he could probably guilt trip the selfish bitch, but he remained silent.

“… Thank you.” she didn’t leave after that, which disgruntled him slightly. After a while, her breathing slowed, and Ryan had almost fallen asleep when he felt rustling on the opposite side of the bed.

Aw, fuck. Shit’s about to get awkward.

“Who is it?” he whispered, trying not to alert Rarity.

“Nopony important, sugarcube,” he heard Applejack mutter as she climbed into the bed next to him.

“What do you want?” he asked, a little brusquely.

“Well, ah…” she started nervously. “Ah just wanted to ‘pologize.”

“… For what?” he asked.

“Y’know, ah ain’t exactly been the nicest to ya, an’ ah reckon maybe Rarity was wrong about you.”

What's up with everybody and all the apologizing shit? ... Hang on, what’s Rarity been saying about me? He said nothing aloud, however, and Applejack must have taken that as a cue to continue.

“Ah reckon,” she whispered as she settled in next to him. “ah reckon if Rarity don’t like ya’ much, then you must be pretty okay.”

He wanted to push her away, and throw Rarity out at the same time. He didn’t really care whether she was awake when he threw her off or not. Or at least, that’s what he told himself.

He just couldn’t find the heart to shove them away.

… Aw, fuck. What is it with these little bastards and the touchy-feely crap?

He begrudgingly accepted his fate, closing his eyes. He could deal with the fallout of them discovering each other’s presence in the morning. Right now, he only wanted sleep.

And, of course, just as he began to doze off, he felt a rustling at the foot of the bed.

Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.

“… Are you still awake?” he heard Twilight whisper, and he let out a heavy sigh.

“… Yeah.” He said quietly, staring at the ceiling. Much to his not-surprise, he felt Twilight gently clamber forward, until she was resting with her head on his chest.

“… I’m sorry.” She murmured sadly, and he could hear her voice beginning to crack.

“Quit cryin’.”

“Hm?”

It was dark, but he see a small glint in her eyes. “You heard me.”

“I-I’m not-“ she lied, trying to keep her voice down.

“I won’t let you. I hate makin’ people cry.” He said softly, and she stared back at him for a moment.

“… You were hurt because of me. I made you go face a fully grown dragon, even though you didn’t want to. You almost died, and-and-“ he could tell her by her voice that she was growing close to tears again.

“And if it was the only way I could keep you kids safe, I’d do the same thing again.”

She stared at him oddly for a few seconds, but thankfully she didn’t break out into tears.

“… You really would, wouldn’t you.” It wasn’t a question, so much as it was a statement. She fell silent, resting her head on his chest. After a few minutes of listening to the rain patter above them, she softly whispered objectively “And I’m not a kid.”

Ryan chuckled, and blissfully fell asleep.

Spike stomped upstairs first thing in the morning.

Ryan woke up covered in mares.

“OH, WHAT THE BUCK?!”

Author's Notes:

Okay, this 'chapter a day' thing is really starting to wear me down. I'll keep them coming as best I can, though.
YOU'RE WELCOME.

By the way, it seems to be an inadvertent recurring theme that whenever someone tries drinking coffee, anything that can go wrong WILL go wrong.
That's... interesting. I think I'll have a look into that for later chapters. I might have accidentally created a running gag.

Just for the record, Jerry Seinfeld is NOT someone you should listen to while trying to write a story. I had to go back and redo several parts where I'd accidentally added in 'WHAT'S UP WITH THAAAAT?'
It's weird.