I'm quitting the A Cappella group.

I purposely didn't show up to rehearsal today, and I haven't heard anything from any of the guys asking where I am. I've texted one of the leaders telling them how I feel and that I've been thinking about quitting. If they really wanted me to stay, they would've texted me and asked me to come to rehearsal.

Because they haven't, this tells me they don't care.

If they don't care... why am I even in this group? If they don't give a damn, then why do I even bother.

If they do call or text me, I'm just gonna say there's better things to do with my time getting yelled at over music that will be subpar no matter what because nobody cares enough to make it good.

So... that's it I guess. I thought this would be fun, and this was the biggest disappointment of my life. I prepared an audition for them and everything, and I end up getting a group that doesn't give a shit.

Sigh... I don't know. I feel selfish for doing this. At the same time, this group has been kind of toxic for me. Putting large amounts of time into an end product that will only be a 7/10 at best. It's not worth it.

But... I was really looking forward to being in an A Cappella group. And now I don't know what to do. Today has just been a huge bummer, and I've had a few moments where I just spiraled, thinking about if I've disappointed the other guys with a selfish decision. I've gotta do what's right for me, but I don't want to disappoint either. But if I stay with this group, I'm going to be donating time for nothing. It could be better spent.

I just feel like a failure, guys. I haven't felt good at all today. It's just been sad. I actually cried myself to sleep last night pondering this to myself, calling myself a failure and a loser. At the same time, I feel like I never mattered to the group, since they don't seem to be concerned about why I'm not at rehearsal. So I'm insignificant. Thanks. Thanks for making me feel like that. Thanks for never making me feel welcome. They said this was a brotherhood of singers. Bullshit. Brothers make each other feel valued and important, not like dead weight.

Am I really just something that can be thrown away? Who knows. Maybe they'll be better off without me. Whatever. They didn't seem to care about me anyways. I was just there. It'll be like I was never there if I left. I wasn't important at all . Then again, this isn't anything new.

Sorry for all the venting guys. I'm just really sad and conflicted right now. I just feel like a failure, and I don't know what to think.

I just hope I made the right decision.