Author's Note: Get ready to be not surprised!

Yeah! Who's already guessed what I'm going to say? I'm sure someone out there has figured it out! If you guessed that there's going to be another Goddamned part to this arc then you are correct! Yay, you got it! Give yourself a pat o the back because of my idiocy! :D

Just do it! Celebrate, for I am so bad at judging the length of these things. This was getting so long and taking too long to get out that for peace of mind I just decided to split the final part in two. Really, if my bad judgement was a motorcycle then it just jumped across a frakking canyon! The crowd goes wild with dismay, and then commits mass suicide!

The good news however, is that since most of the next part is already written it should be out rather soon. And the one after that will be out not long after that, too. So it should be smooth sailing for a couple of weeks. I miss the weekly updates thing...

Okay, onto the replies.

Litestardt- Hey there dude, it's good to see ya back. I'm glad to see ya didn't just get bored of this story and took a hike ^^. And I frigging LOVE Twilight so it's such a relief to write her. She's definitely one of my favourite ponies to write because she's such a cute little nerd, so I guess it's a good thing my next pony story will have her as one of the main characters, huh? Great to see you too, Lightning! *scratches him behind the ears* I've missed you, too! And we'll get to see the conclusion to Spitfire and Applejack's discussion right now(ish) and I hope months of planning this scene was enough… yeah I've rehearsed that scene over and over in my head so that's how ya know it's gonna be a possible train wreck. #MyBrainIsADisasterZone

Luna'snight625- I KNOW RIGHT FINALLY SOMEONE GETS OFF THEIR FLANK AND FIXES THIS SHITSTORM! And the fact that you thought her name was Ping Pong was hilarious! You've likely been mixing her name with Paradise's or something, 'cause Ping Pong and Paradise sounds more like a bad evil duo than it does with their actual names. And Soarin does seem the kind of guy who would put his marefriend's happiness before his own and not notice it unless someone points it out. It seems like a pretty easy thing one can find oneself doing if you think about it; you would want to make your significant other happy no matter what the cost. Well at least I would. Great, now I wanna give Soarin a hug!

Amellia Rose- I'm pleased that you liked the chapter. ;)

YoungBlood23- YES! I completely agree with you. It's great being able to listen to people's problems and then assist them in finding a solution. And it's nice to know someone now who fully understands the sense of self-worth one can get from helping others. It's a good thing that you're considering this as a career path, because there are a lot of people out there who need someone to look out for them and make them feel better. Seriously you have earned a large portion of my respect on this day, my friend.

Captain Alaska- Yay I love reviews like these! I love to pretend that you're the book critic reviewing my work in detail… which I guess you kinda are? Yes, you're my main-review-man. ;)

Snow Hurricane Blue- That's actually a pretty good idea, guys. I can actually see that happening if they ever get married. Applejack getting a letter first thing in the morning from Braeburn who's worried he's going to lose his wife, and then AJ writes back saying that he's just being insecure and that he and Spitz will love each other for the rest of their lives… crap now I need to add that to my fanfic ideas list. I have enough stuff on there! :P

Drunkenness- Dear lord! 0_0 Well… imagine whatever you want, it's not like I'm one to stop you. ;) In answer to your question, no I don't ship Mac with Luna, but I do think that the pairing is pretty adorable. I read the comic that inspired it and it was great! And thanks for wishing me luck! You're awesome! *cyberhugs*

And thanks to Captain Alaska for helping me out when I was stuck. ^^

---

"You're gonna love the food here," Lullaby said to Fluttershy as the two mares stepped into the mess hall. The pair of them had managed to slip out of Rainbow Dash and Lullaby's dorm room while Dash and Twilight were bickering about their book genre preferences. It had been funny for the first ten minutes, but after Rainbow Dash had repeated the words "But Daring Do is awesomer!" for the fifth time, Lullaby had caught Fluttershy's attention and the two of them escaped together.

"Well it's Apple Family food, so I already know it'll be delicious," Fluttershy said sweetly, and Lullaby giggled. She liked the yellow pegasus a lot because of their shared love of caretaking, and she had a feeling that Fluttershy was pretty fond of her too due to the shine Angel Bunny had taken to her when he had first been introduced to Lullaby. Somehow Lullaby could get him to eat his breakfast, something that baffled even Fluttershy.

"Well Braeburn did get fired from his old job because his food was cruddy, so we can't rule out the possibility of the same thing happening here." She wanted to freak Fluttershy out a little, and judging by the way the butter colored pony's eyes dilated in worry she had done exactly that. Fluttershy was simply adorable.

"I'm just kidding, Fluttershy," Lullaby nudged her friend in the side as they approached the food counter. Fluttershy nodded her head slowly.

"I know that," Fluttershy told her purple friend, "I just don't really like the idea of finding a worm in a slice of pie," she explained. "…Actually there's no 'really' about it. I just flat out hate the idea of finding a worm in a slice of pie."

Lullaby giggled and nodded. "Yeah, that doesn't sound very pleasant at all," she stuck her tongue out and faked a gag, getting Fluttershy to giggle with her. Fluttershy really did choose a slice of pie from the food counter and Lullaby scooped out some carrot sticks onto a plate, leaving a few bits on the counter for Braeburn when he returned since he wasn't in the kitchen. The pair of mares sat at the table closest to the windows, pleased that the glass stretched all the way from the floor to the ceiling so they didn't have to crane their necks to see outside. There wasn't anypony out there, but the purple tinted sky was surprisingly pretty, and it made things a lot nicer to look at.

"So, uh… what do you think of the Academy?" Lullaby asked Fluttershy, who was happily nomming on her pie. The yellow mare licked the crumbs from around her mouth and smiled.

"It's lovely up here. I don't really miss living in Cloudsdale very much, but this place reminds me of some of the good things about this place. You and Rainbow Dash seem like pretty good friends- same with all of the others cadets." Fluttershy replied. Lullaby sighed and she crunched one of her carrot sticks, casting a glace to the side at Ray, Tempest, Free Fall and Butternut, who were sitting on the other side of the room.

"Mhm…" she didn't know whether or not she should tell Fluttershy about the whole Ray thing. Actually, after just a few short seconds she figured out that it was the crappiest idea she'd had in weeks. Ray seemed to have moved on anyway and Rainbow Dash didn't like to be associated with anything to do with romance- and Lullaby had sat through a long lecture the previous night about why she shouldn't talk about her relationship with Soarin with anyone, and the consequences she would have to face if she did so.

"Are you okay, Lullaby?" Fluttershy looked closely at the other mare, who shook her head to snap herself out of her thoughts. She met Fluttershy's gaze and nodded, deciding that while she was with the pink maned pegasus she didn't need to focus on the little problems she and her friends were having.

"I was just lost in thought, I guess," she winked to show that she wasn't being bothered by anything, and Fluttershy bought it. She sighed and continued gazing out the window.

"It seems so peaceful up here; it's something about the clouds, I think. The meadows near my cottage are nice, but when you lay down in the grass it's not nearly as comfy as clouds." She said. Lullaby nodded. She had engaged in cloud watching with Fluttershy when she had gone down to Ponyville for visits with Rainbow Dash, and since she has barely been on the ground in her life, the experience was quite exciting. The ground felt pretty rough and bumpy compared to the soft cosiness of the clouds that she had been used to her entire life. She wondered how Fluttershy (and Rainbow Dash for that matter) could stand it… actually, she had wanted to ask Rainbow why she moved to Ponyville in the first place- it seemed like an odd place to live for somepony who loved being in the air.

Lullaby looked across the table at the still-happily-eating Fluttershy, easily figuring out why she would want to live on the surface. She was a little afraid of heights, and the animals in Ponyville fascinated her. She had received her Cutie Mark there, and it didn't seem like she could put it to its proper use in the clouds, so it all made perfect sense that she would want to live there. But Rainbow Dash was different; she had gotten a Cutie Mark because of her amazing speed and Sonic Rainboom, loved flying more than anypony else Lullaby knew, and wanted to be in the Wonderbolts… yet she chose to live in Ponyville.

"You're, uh… lost in thought again," Fluttershy booped Lullaby on the nose, startling her into reality again with a confused noise erupting from her throat. It kinda sounded dumb- she hated it when she started daydreaming and lost all control of her face and the sounds she made. Fluttershy just found it funny though.

"So, how many times have you been to the Academy now?" Lullaby asked her fellow feathered friend. Fluttershy swallowed her mouthful of pie and looked off to the side.

"Twice now," she replied, "this time's a lot less, um… exciting?" she couldn't seem to think of the right word to describe her past experience at the Academy. Lullaby folded her hooves and placed her chin on top of them, looking up at the other pegasus with interest.

"I have to hear this story," she invited Fluttershy to speak. Fluttershy sighed and shuddered, looking a little uncomfortable now. Lullaby gasped, and sat up straight, waving her forehooves in front of her frantically. "I mean, you don't need to tell me if it makes you feel uncomfortable."

Fluttershy shook her head. "No, it's not that… I just feel a little silly every time I think about it." She admitted, a cute blush dusting her cheeks as she recalled the memories. Lullaby grabbed one of her carrot sticks and used it to poke Fluttershy on the end of her nose as payback for the boop she had received from the mare not too long ago.

"I promise I won't laugh or make fun of you or any of that stuff," she said, crossing her heart. Rainbow Dash had told her about Pinkie Promises, but she couldn't remember how that went, so she hoped Fluttershy would settle for a plain ol' regular promise. Thankfully, she sighed and nodded.

"Okay, so the last time Rainbow came to the Wonderbolts Academy, Pinkie Pie got a little… paranoid about it, to put it lightly." Fluttershy chuckled. Lullaby rolled her eyes; after meeting Pinkie a few times she could fully understand Fluttershy's reaction. She was… quite the character. "She wouldn't go three feet away from her mailbox in case she missed a letter from Rainbow Dash, and… it was pretty hard to watch."

Lullaby bit her lip, nodding her head slowly. She didn't know who she felt the sorriest for right now. Also, she wanted to know if Pinkie Pie knew how mailboxes were supposed to work. "Okay, so what does this have to do with the Academy?" Lullaby told Fluttershy to carry on with her story.

"Oh yeah, um… well, Twilight gave Pinkie the idea to send a care package to Rainbow, and we wound up having to deliver it in person to calm Pinkie down. And then our hot air balloon got caught in a tornado."

Lullaby blinked a couple of times. That was certainly a twist, and Fluttershy had said it so casually too… honestly, she didn't really know how to feel about that. She decided to bounce in her seat with anticipation. "What next, what next?!" she grinned. Fluttershy giggled and carried on with her tale.

"Me, Pinkie, Twilight, Rarity and Applejack started falling, of course. And that's when Rainbow Dash saved us!" she looked pretty proud of her friend. Lullaby tutted and interrupted.

"Hello? I want details! How did she save you?" she leaned forward a little more.

"I'm not exactly sure how the physics worked, but she flew around a group of clouds to bunch them together… and we all bounced off them; then some cadets caught us and we were safe again." She concluded. A couple of things caught Lullaby's attention.

"Well, if clouds are packed together tightly enough then they can make a suitable barrier; it's like how we're able to fall twenty feet from one cloud onto another and we'd land safely…" she smirked, "and speaking of flying- why weren't you?"

Fluttershy sighed and tipped her head downwards, making some of her bubble-gum pink hair fall over her left eye. "That's the part I was embarrassed about," she admitted, blushing again. Lullaby felt laughter rising up in her throat, but bit her tongue to keep it down. She had promised Fluttershy after all.

"I suppose anyone could forget if they were surrounded by their falling friends and afraid of heights," she said, not really believing herself in the slightest but doing it for the sake of Fluttershy's dignity. The yellow pegasus smiled gratefully and finished off her slice of pie.

"Thanks for understanding," she uttered with a small grin, and Lullaby shrugged.

"No problem," she winked at her again and returned to her carrot sticks. She was about to ask Fluttershy how Angel Bunny and the rest of her animals were doing when three more ponies entered the room.

"See, I told you we wouldn't be the only ones here," Pinkie said to Feather Duster and Misty Fly, who rolled their eyes in sync. Pinkie then noticed Fluttershy and Lullaby sitting on the far side of the room and rocketed over, somehow kicking up a cloud of dust in the process until she was standing right beside the two of them.

"Hi Fluttershy! Have you met Feather Duster and Misty Fly yet? They're so cool!" she chirped, and Fluttershy shook her head. Lullaby cleared her throat and Fluttershy turned to face her again.

"'Cool' may not be the best word to use," she lowered her voice to ensure that the approaching mares didn't hear her. "don't tell them I said that though."

"I won't," Fluttershy replied as she suddenly grew aware of somepony hopping up to sit beside her. She looked to the left to see the little brown mare (this must be Feather Duster, going by her Cutie Mark) giving her a once-over, and she looked away uncomfortably, not liking the judgement she was so obviously receiving in the mare's head. Pinkie sat on the other side of Feather Duster and Misty Fly took a seat next to Lullaby.

"Hello," Misty smiled over at Fluttershy, "are you enjoying the Academy?" she asked the exact same question Lullaby had asked before. Fluttershy nodded and smiled, grateful that Misty seemed nice.

"I am. Very much," she said in that sweet voice of hers, and Pinkie giggled.

"Of course you like it here," the pink mare said as if it were obvious, "the most fun pony in the world (besides me) works here. Surprise is gonna show up at any moment and then you can see the two of us in action together," Pinkie squealed with delight and Feather Duster groaned.

"So many eye rolls up in here," she mumbled.

"How is Surprise going to know where we are?" Misty Fly asked.

"HI!" Surprise suddenly popped up in the seat next to hers, and Misty promptly jolted with (guess what) surprise and clutched her chest. Fluttershy was a little startled too, and grabbed hold of Feather Duster, squeezing her like a teddy bear and trying to calm down. She didn't even notice that the small mare was writhing in her grip until she said something about it.

"Lemme go ya doe-eyed wussy!" she managed to escape Fluttershy's death-hug. Fluttershy flushed pink with embarrassment and looked away. Lullaby reached over and patted her on the shoulder in an act of sympathy while Misty Fly glared at the mare at her side.

"What is wrong with you?" she asked. Then she noticed something hanging around Surprise's neck. "And what are you wearing?"

Surprise stood up on the table, showing off the…blue bathroom towel hanging around her neck. "Check it out guys, I found the hoof-towel lying on the floor beneath that weird towel dispenser thing; now it's my amazing Cape of Surprise-ness"

Pinkie burst into laughter, Lullaby smirked, Fluttershy started to giggle, Feather Duster sighed, and Misty Fly grimaced.

"Surprise, I can't believe that you're wearing that as a cape; ponies have cleaned their hooves on that and with our current janitor you don't know when it was last washed."

Fluttershy expected Feather Duster to take offense to that; however she instead stole one of Lullaby's carrot sticks and nodded in agreement. "Yeah, she has a point."

Surprise plopped back in her seat beside Misty Fly. "You should show Mistress Surprise some respect, missy," she poked the custard coloured mare on the end of her muzzle. "Don't even pretend that the cape doesn't make me look a certain percentage cooler."

Judging by Misty's glower at her white furred colleague, she couldn't.

"Case in point; I look amazing," she puffed out her chest and flipped her mane as best she could.

"You look like a superhero on a drunken weekend," Misty deadpanned, and Lullaby let out a snort of laughter, making Surprise blush a little. The white pegasus folded her arms on the table and pouted.

"I look cool…" she muttered tapping her hooves together.

"You look like an absolute moron!"

"Okay, this is gonna go on forever if somepony doesn't intervene," Feather Duster, to everypony's shock, was the one who spoke out to the bickering Wonderbolts. "Seriously, your arguing is even started to piss me off! And you do not wanna do that. I've got a table full of idiots, a mouth full of yelling, and a tortured psychological profile full of completely hysterical emotions and unaired grievances at practically everypony."

"She has a point," Pinkie didn't look particularly happy at the situation. "You guys seem to argue a lot and that's not good for a friendship. You two need to work out your differences so you can learn to get along."

Misty stuck her nose into the air and gave Surprise a pointed side-glance. "You did say that you'd help me out with my… flight issues," she paraphrased what she actually meant. "Remember when we had that party from hell at your place? Hmm?"

"I…" Surprise recalled their talk at the end of the slumber party and sighed deeply. "…did say that."

"Great!" Pinkie cheered, looking happy once again. "You two can bond over that while flying at the same time. What better way for two Wonderbolts to make friends, am I right?" she looked to the table's three other occupants for approval. Lullaby and Fluttershy nodded while Feather Duster snorted.

"As long as you two stay away from me while you're flying; I don't wanna hear any more of your squabbling or I'll shoot you both with my heart attack ray," the little brown mare gave the two of them a death glare. Fluttershy's jaw dropped open.

"Do you really have one of those?" she asked worriedly. Feather Duster sat there with a stern look on her face for a minute before exhaling and rolling her eyes.

"Not yet," she confessed.

"How about we talk about something happy?" Pinkie asked, secretly worried that if she didn't do something about the tension somepony would end up killing someone. "How do you think Applejack's doing?"

"Well she's alone in the room with the captain so she can't be in a good state," Feathers sighed, reaching to grab another carrot stick but being swatted away by Lullaby, who proceeded to tell her to get her own food.

"Oh come on," Surprise looked over at Feathers, "Spitfire's not that bad; and she's only been in there for like ten minutes-"

"Oh my gosh, she's probably already dead," Feather Duster snarked, getting glares from Misty and Surprise in return. Fluttershy and Lullaby shared a confused glance and looked over at Pinkie, hoping for answers.

"What's Applejack doing?" Fluttershy asked. Pinkie put a hoof to her lips and made a 'shoosh' sound.

"That is strictly between the four of us," Pinkie gestured around at herself, Feathers, Misty and Surprise, "and Applejack."

Fluttershy looked a little sceptical, but she shook it off, knowing better that to bug ponies about their secrets. That wasn't the right thing to do, and everypony was inclined to have concealed knowledge. Lullaby shrugged it off as well, figuring that she would find out in time no matter what.

"This is gonna work," Surprise addressed the ponies that were in on the secret. "Applejack's gonna fix things with the captain and she'll be happy again. We should become a team of superheroes of fix ponies' friendship problems!"

"Ahem," Pinkie cleared her throat. Surprise looked up and Pinkie gestured to Fluttershy and then at herself, reminding Surprise that such a team of ponies already existed.

"Oh. Uh… yeah," she blushed. "But anyway, we should still help Braeburn with his problem. And then we could help Feather Duster with Fire Streak, and-"

"Wait," Feather Duster held up her hoof. "Are you seriously suggesting that we become a Shipping Squad?" she blinked, glossing over the fact that Surprise had mentioned her specifically in her examples. Surprise shook her head.

"No! You can't interfere with something like that. All I was suggesting is we help Braeburn get over himself and then help you to not be so shy. We need to let romance run its own course." Surprise explained. Misty hummed in thought, which got Surprise's attention.

"You like Fire Streak?" Lullaby looked across at Feather Duster, who folded her arms, her pupils shrinking a little.

"What? No!" she insisted. Lullaby knew how riled up the dusty mare could get when something bothered her, so she got an idea of her own and put it into motion.

"Well that's good then. I heard that another cadet, Paradise, has a thing for him too. You could even ask the stallion himself because she'd made it perfectly clear to him in the past. Maybe I'll let Paradise know that she doesn't have any rivals," she said it as nonchalantly as she could, and Pinkie let out a few silent giggles, but Feather Duster seemed to be a little bothered like that, even if she said the opposite.

"Why are you telling me this?" the mare quirked her right eyebrow all the way up, a bead of sweat rolling down her temple. "Why should I even give a damn? I don't, for the record."

"This is an interesting idea," Misty suddenly said, getting everypony's attention. Surprise looked horrified.

"Oh no, what are you gonna do?" she flattened her ears against her head.

"Feather Duster gave me a good idea. We really could sort out ponies' romantic problems if we wanted to. All we'd need is the right set of wits and a plan." She told the white mare. Surprise gasped and threw her arms in the air.

"What did I just say? We can't interfere with stuff like this. Love is a very delicate thing Misty Fly, and it could shatter if it's touched the wrong way." She spoke wisely, which Misty just ignored.

"No, it's a good plan. And it wouldn't be interfering; it would just be nudging ponies in the right direction. I've always wanted to be a romance guru like that." Misty admitted, turning a little pink. Surprise tutted and shook her head

"You have completely lost it Misty Fly; I can't even believe you're being this insensible. This is the kind of thing Lightning Streak would do if he'd been drinking too much."

"Hey now, this makes perfect sense," Misty insisted, making Surprise groan. The other ponies merely looked intrigued to find out how this was going to go, and remained silent. "It's just a matter of precise scheduling- let me show you." Misty pulled a black felt tip pen from her uniform pocket and began drawing a large square on the surface of the table.

"What are you doing?" Fluttershy stretched past Misty to get a better look at what was happening. Misty commentated on her work as she drew.

"It's totally simple; just hold on while I draw the guidelines."

"Oh no," Surprise folded her arms sternly, giving the mare (who wasn't even looking at her) a glower, "you are not drawing a shipping grid."

"It's not a shipping grid Surprise, it's an organizational chart. Look, I'm drawing rows and columns for each pony we know."

"It's a grid!" Surprise gestured at the drawing on the table. "You are drawing a grid! I refuse to let you draw a grid for something like that!"

"Will you just look? These cutie mark drawings represent ponies, and these little symbols here represent the relationship they have with others. This way we can keep track of how the ponies act around each other so we can make everything a lot more harmonious around here. It's a great plan."

"Put the pen down!" was all Surprise said… or snapped. Surprise reached forward with one hoof and grasped hold of the pen, and Misty sputtered a little, trying to shake her off.

"Hey! Cut it out!" she barked.

"Don't draw a shipping grid! Do. Not. Do. It!" Surprise tried to use force to sway her colleague's decision.

"It's not a shipping grid you insensitive idiot!" Misty tugged on the pen as hard as she could, realising that as she and Surprise fought for it they were making crazy scribbles on the table. This was not her primary concern right now, however.

"This is really messed up! Will you just put the pen down?" Surprise lowered her voice a little, but only got a determined "NO!" out of Misty Fly. The other ponies continued to just stare. And I mean every pony in the room. "I'm not going to let you make a grid to organize our Celestia damned dating lives! This is some straight-up crackerjack noise and I will not stand by and let you go on with it!"

"Screw you (excuse my language everypony) now let me draw!" Misty gritted her teeth in frustration.

"Stop drawing the shipping grid then!

"It. Is. Not. A. Shipping. Grid!" Misty drew out every word as clearly as she could. "This isn't shipping you asinine buffoon, it's called common sense!"

"You are not going to draw anything that even faintly looks like a grid!" Surprise decided to take things up a notch and used both hooves to try and rip the pen from Misty's grip. "Don't draw any connecting squares or arrangements of polygons! You will not draw a chart for the goal of arranging the lives of ponies with their respective friends/enemies/lovers/crushes. That is exactly the kind of thing I do not want to see you draw!"

"Oh look, I just drew a square!" Misty glared right at Surprise. "Get ready to see a lot more of those baby!" she was trying to sound tough, but since it was Misty Fly she failed miserably.

"Oh my gosh, don't draw any more squares! Nor will I let you draw any trapezoids or quadrilaterals or rectangles or… whatever other angles there are. And for the love of Luna you'd better not draw a rhombus!" Surprise listened off as many shapes as she could that remotely resembled a square. Misty put one hoof against her chest and puffed it out, tightening her grip on the pen a little more as she did to ensure that Surprise didn't swipe the pen while she was talking.

"In my vision I am imagining a gorgeous structure of lines and symbols, interlocking with perfection at ninety degree angles. I picture this wonderful pattern as a container for the splendid amalgam of our combined shipping desires."

"No! No! NO! That is precisely what you shouldn't be drawing!" Surprise groaned, starting to perspire.

"Oh look, it's another square!" Misty, along with everypony else, stared at the 'square' Misty had managed to draw whilst fighting again Surprise. "Well… sort of? Ugh, it'll have to do!"

"No you baka!" Surprise tugged hard on the pen, pulling Misty to the right roughly. Misty was pretty strong though, and she managed to start fiercely trying to draw some more.

"Here it comes…" she grunted. "My… first ship! It's going… in the square!"

"Put the Luna damned pen down you poop!" Surprise insulted Misty as best she could without getting too graphic.

Fluttershy heard something to her side and she glanced to the left to see Feather Duster holding a big bag of popcorn, shovelling the puffy snacks into her mouth with wide eyes and a smile (Fluttershy shuddered). "Um… shouldn't you maybe try to stop them from arguing?" she suggested. Feathers snorted and almost sent a few husks of popcorn spraying across the table.

"Pfha! That's rich, Butterslice," Feathers forgot the yellow mare's name, "nope, but this gives me a great idea!"

"What is your idea…?" Fluttershy asked nervously, and Lullaby and Pinkie Pie turned (some of) their attention to the tiny-winged pegasus.

"The IWL," she waved one hoof across the air. "Idiot Wrestling League. I can charge 75 bits a pop for ponies to watch these nimrods wrestle each other!" she plotted, her eyes practically becoming the shape of bits. Lullaby rolled her eyes, and Fluttershy looked awkwardly away, though Pinkie seemed to actually be considering it. Good grief…

They all put their full attention on the two "duelling" mares just in time to see Misty Fly putting her other forehoof into use and grabbing the pen even harder, which just added to the insanity of the scribbles that were being etched onto the table. It's a good thing it wasn't permanent marker or Spitfire would be even angrier at them.

"This is sick! What would happen if the other Wonderbolts found out you were doing this, Mist?" Surprise tried to reason with the custard 'Bolt.

"Doing what?" Misty hissed through gritted teeth, having to lean right against Surprise now to have a comfortable grip on the pen.

"Monitoring their personal relationships in a crappy grid you drew on a mess hall table!" Surprise rolled her eyes. "DUH!"

"Who says they have to know? You're not meant to know a superhero's true identity!" Misty refrained from breaking into a full lecture about secret identities.

"Put the cruddy pen down!"

"No! I'm drawing here!"

"Step away from the hideous scribble table," Surprise tried to push Misty away, but the custard pegasus kept fighting back.

"Get lost!" Misty huffed, beginning to sweat a little as well. The entire room was now silent except for Misty and Surprise, but neither of them cared. Even the ponies sharing the table with them were too busy watching the two battling mares to give a flying feather about being embarrassed.

"You're messing up the table!"

"You… YOU SMELL BAD!" Misty spat out a pretty pathetic insult.

"Don't call me stinky, Misty Fly! You are the master of smelling terrible! Did you notice that when you were standing by those freshly painted walls some of it was dripping off because of your foul odor?" Surprise took a hoof away from the pen for a moment to fan it in front of her nose for extra effect.

"My cat's brought things home to me that smell better than you!" Misty shot back, almost wincing as Surprise grabbed her hoof instead of the pen to try and pry it off. "And just so you know, literally everything she brings home to me is either a dead animal or literal feces!"

"Oh, well…" Surprise tried to think of a good insult to retaliate with, "…you smell like if a dog pooped on… its own butt!" she almost face hoofed but remembered that she was meant to be fighting Misty Fly. She was going to win this, she swore to Celestia herself! "JUST GIVE ME THE PEN!"

"No it's mine!" Misty knew that Surprise wouldn't steal anything… though knowing her she would simply 'confiscate it' and return it to her in several days' time. Ugh, she wasn't going to let her take the pen anyway! It was then that Misty became aware of the shapes that Surprise's tugging was making on the table.

"Mist, whoa! What are you doing?" Surprise looked at her with mock horror. "Why are you drawing all of those willies? How do you even know what they look like?"

"I'm not drawing those! You're making me draw them! Stop it!" their strength was more or less equal now, with Surprise pulling Misty Fly this way and that to make more of the disgusting scrawls.

"No chance! This table is now our raged-fuelled Ouija board of willy." Surprise dubbed the table, and Feather Duster burst out laughing. Fluttershy looked absolutely terrified at that, and she had only just met Feather Duster!

"No, stop! Gah! Shoot!" Misty's eyes went wide as Surprise finished yet another crude drawing. "YOU DREW THAT ONE! You. Drew. That. One!"

"Are you sure?" Surprise giggled slightly evilly. "That's the crazy thing about Willy Ouija. You can never truly know who drew them. Was it you, or me, or maybe a gHoOoOsSsSt?" she spoke is a spooky voice.

"UUUURGH! Let go of me!" Misty tried her hardest to pull her hooves away. She wasn't even completely holding onto the pen by this point, but Surprise was securing her hooves in place.

"Give me the pen," Surprise told her once again.

"No!" Misty snapped.

"Yes!"

"No!"

"Yes!"

"Fine! Take it!" Misty loosened her grip entirely on the pen.

"Nope."

"WHAT?!" Misty looked at the older Wonderbolt in disbelief. Surprise was drawing a little easier now that Misty wasn't putting any effort into keeping hold of the pen any more.

"We're still drawing." Surprise told her, and Misty got right back to tugging, now desperate to get away from this psychopathic mare.

"Let me go you heinous moron!" she yelled.

"Are you kidding me? This is a masterpiece, Misty Fly. We've got to see this through!" she smiled, enjoying this way more than she probably should.

"I'm trying to let go of the blasted pen but you won't let me!" Misty wondered if Surprise could be charged for this. She was being held here against her will and to make matters worse she was growing aware of the fact that every pair of eyes in the room was on her and Surprise right now.

"We are deeply into this now; we are ingrained in this at this point!" Surprise used a big word to get Misty to cooperate. Of course it didn't work, and Misty started to struggle a little harder.

"You crazy mule!" she was sweating profoundly by now.

"We're running out of room, so let's scoot a little to the right." Surprise moved a little, and Misty was tugged a little too hard, falling right against Surprise and finding her face in her rival's yellow mane. She managed to wrench her right hoof away from Surprise's hold and pushed against the side of her head to hold her away, and in return Surprise detached her own left hoof from the pen and wrapped her arm around Misty's neck, drawing her in close so that her cheek was smooshed against her chest. Misty growled and pushed harder against the white mare's head.

"This disputation is becoming uncomfortably physical!" Misty voiced her concerns aloud. "Get the hay away from me!"

"What are you talking about?" Surprise drew a curve with the pen.

"You know what I'm talking about!" Misty angled her eyes up as high as they could go. Surprise shook her head.

"I'm pretty sure I don't."

"Yeah Misty, she doesn't know," Feather Duster called out from her spot between Pinkie and Fluttershy. "now shut up and draw another peni-"

She was interrupted by Fluttershy placing a hoof over her mouth and shaking her head at her.

"All of this physical contact is getting a little out of hoof!" Misty tried not to pay too much attention to where her face currently resided, or to the growing blush on her face.

"Oh, so it's like that?" Surprise caught on. "Well you can think about this situation in whatever way you like, but to me this is a good old-fashioned throw down!"

"Why don't you good old-fashioned let go of me!?"

Misty noticed that Surprise's towel-cape was hanging over her right shoulder and she reached her neck forward, grabbing it in her teeth and shaking it, trying her hardest to get Surprise to release her.

"Hey, quit biting my tow- CAPE!" the puffy maned mare snapped.

"BUBCK NYOUF!" Misty's curse was muffled by the towel. With one final shove, she and Surprise both tumbled off their seats and onto the floor with a loud crash. The observers did nothing other than change their positions so they could still see. And Feather Duster was actually crying with laughter now!

Surprise stood up, noticing that Misty Fly had gotten tangled up in her cape in the fall. It was wrapped around her middle once and then it twisted once more to cover her face. She was flailing around like a headless chicken, and it was absolutely hilarious to everypony.

"Are you kidding me?" Surprise muttered, and Misty tried to yell but was muffled by the towel. "Hold still." Surprise stood on her hind legs and grabbed Misty around her waist. Then with a deep breath, she reared all the way back, suplexing Misty over her head so that the cape unravelled. Misty landed on the table and Surprise landed on her rump, both battered and bruised enough to last… oh I don't know, maybe a week knowing these guys, am I right?

"Welp," Feather Duster stood up, crumpling up her now empty popcorn bag and dropping it down on the table. "That was fun, but I have places to be and countries to destroy," she hopped down from her seat, whistling a cheerful tune as she walked out the door.

It was a while before Misty could manage to see straight; however when she did she found herself looking straight at Lullaby. And that reminded her of something Spitfire had said to her and Surprise a while ago.

"Oh, um… Lullaby, we need to talk to you." She slurred, trying not to focus on the room spinning.

---

Feather Duster headed towards the cleaning closet knowing that if she locked herself in there nopony would be able to disturb her naps. And after a show like that in the mess hall she could think of no better way to carry on her day that to have a couple hours of snoozing. So she wore a charming smile as she trotted towards her destination, whistling the Imperial March as she went, her eyelids already beginning to droop as she got ready for her slumber.

Considering that she hated this job and the napping was the only thing good about it, she could get a kick out of her colleagues' idiocy every once in a while, and this thing with Misty Fly and Surprise took the award for the most hilarious thing ever to happen in her presence. As much as she hated to admit it, she wouldn't mind hanging around those two so much if they kept up their act.

Turning the corner, she suddenly bumped into someone, and just like that her perfect mood shattered around her. A little pissed off; she shook the stars out of her eyes and looked up to see… nopony? That was weird. She looked straight ahead and then found herself staring into a pair of big purple eyes. She looked the filly before her up and down, wondering who the heck this was and why she had never seen her before. She was all set and ready to yell at her for being in the way, but seeing as this was a kid and she wasn't heartless (a completely different thing from evil) she decided to go easy on the young pegasus.

"Sorry punk," she said, getting up and walking around the orange filly, a tad embarrassed that the two of them were roughly the same size, her being only the slightest bit taller than the kid she had just bumped into. Ah well, she wouldn't let a little collision get in the way of her good mood.

She had only walked about three feet away from the filly when she heard a loud gasp from behind her. Looking over her shoulder, she saw the kid staring at her with wide eyes. You'd have thought she had found herself face-to-face with a celebrity or something… and Feather Duster looked in the other direction specifically to check that there wasn't a famous pony there. She stood still and awkward as the filly continued to gawk at her, until she'd had enough and spoke to her.

"Is something wrong? Do you wanna take a picture?" she asked bitterly. The filly slowly got to her hooves, wearing a huge smile.

"Are you Feather Duster?!" she asked.

Now that was unexpected. Feathers had to run that through in her head a few times to make sure that she'd heard that correctly. Had one of her evil schemes caught the attention of a potential disciple? As much as she liked that idea, she suspected that there was more to it than one of her plots captivating a young mind. That was always the case. Sigh.

"Yes…?" Feathers had no idea how anypony in the universe could be excited to see her. Maybe this filly was simply crazy? The orange child trotted forward enthusiastically until she was directly in front of her. And then she seemed to examine Feathers as if she were a painting on display in an art gallery. What in Equestria was going on in this kid's head?

Here's what was going on in Scootaloo's head. She was looking Feather Duster over, looking for epic qualities she was probably keeping hidden somehow. She had built up an image of Feather Duster in her head, and had supposed that she would look a lot more badass than this. It was almost disappointing to find out that this was what she really looked like. Pale brown eyes; fur the color of dust, a slightly unkempt mane that actually looked like a mane rather than an actual hairstyle, similar to how Scootaloo wore hers as a matter of fact. Her wings were indeed rather small; barely bigger than Scootaloo's own wings, and that was good. She could finally get the advice she needed.

"Your wings are just like mine!" Scootaloo displayed her wing's for the mysterious flyer to check out, and Feathers (still confused) went along with it, humming to confirm that she could see her wings. "Fleetfoot told me that you can fly. Is it true?!" Scootaloo's eyes were wide with wonder, and Feather Duster felt something within her. Pride? A filly was fascinated with her, and that had never happened before. And since it most likely never would again, there was no way she was just going to send her away and tell her to stop being a weird stalker.

"Yeah, I can fly," she fluttered her wings and hovered into the air to demonstrate, and Scootaloo almost full-on fangirled. This was just getting weirder and weirder.

"I need to ask you something. Uh, please?" she added, making sure to remember her manners so that she would be on this so-called amazing mare's good side. Feathers was beyond baffled by this point and she decided to keep going to see just what this filly wanted with her. She landed back on the ground.

"Okay then…" was all she could think to say. Stuff like this didn't happen to her… ever. So she figured that she had a right to be a little hesitant about this. There were two things that were strange about this actually; the first was that somepony actually wanted to see her and the second is that this pony was a kid, and Feathers hated kids. What did she do to bring this upon herself?

"How did you learn to fly?" the filly asked, purple eyes wide, round and sparkling. Feather Duster thought that she had this figured out now. This kid wanted to ask her for advice because she had the same underdeveloped wing condition as her. As a matter of fact, Feathers couldn't recall meeting many ponies with this condition- maybe one or two a long time ago? It was quite a rare thing after all. Less than 3% of pegasi had this problem, anyway.

"That's a really boring story, ya know?" Feathers warned the filly of what she was getting herself into. The orange kid shrugged.

"I don't care. Fleetfoot told me that you were a pretty good flyer, and so I knew I had to see you!" she gushed. "You must be so awesome!"

Awesome? Feather Duster could think of many words to describe herself: sinister, creepy, malicious, lazy, careless… but awesome was not one of them. What the heck had Fleetfoot been saying to this filly to make her think of her as awesome? She wasn't sure if she should thank her light blue colleague or yell at her. Also she was now aware that ponies talked about her behind her back… yikes that was horrible to think about.

"Er… yeah, I'm cool?" she raised a brow and looked at the wall, where her tiny shadow was cast upon the fresh paint. She was small and weak, and her only hope of ever being strong was constructing objects of mayhem in her lab (basement), and if she was really honest with herself she was flattered that this kid thought so highly of her after only just meeting her. "So what's your name, punk?" Feathers asked, wanting to know the name of her new… fan?

"I'm Scootaloo. I'm Rainbow Dash's little sister and I came up here from Ponyville to visit her, but then when she was training Fleetfoot told me all about you and how you could teach me to fly, so I snuck away from Rainbow Dash to come find you and I heard these two silly mares arguing and then I came down this hall and BAM here I am!" she belted out, finishing with a big grin. Feathers took a while to respond.

"Um… you want me to help you learn to fly?" she was having a hard time processing all of this. Since when did children come to her for help? Since when did anyone come to her for help? She had been surprised enough that Misty Fly had (allegedly) offered her a place in her stupid shipping super hero squad, but this? This was just crazy.

"Who better?" Scootaloo asked as if it were obvious. "And you can tell me all about what it's like flying with tiny wings." She looked like she was on cloud nine. She loved the feeling of having a kid look up to her, and there was no chance in Tartarus she was going to let it end so soon. Smirking, she nodded her head and ruffled the filly's mane.

"Okay punk. Sure, I'll help you out," she tried not to grin any wider as Scootaloo hopped up and down in glee.

"I'm gonna learn how to fly!" she cheered. Feathers hoped to Celestia and Luna combined that she could help the kid out somehow. Nevertheless she decided that she needed to make sure that the filly's expectations of her weren't too high. The chance of actually teaching Scootaloo to fly first time were 5%, and the margin of error was… about 4%... point five…

"This is great! Thank you!" Scootaloo butted her head against Feather Duster's, and the janitor swore that she would die of cuteness. This kid was just such a sweetheart, and Feather Duster would never call anyone that… except her old pet fish, Minion. But she'd eventually dropped some illegally bought toxic waste in his tank by mistake and he'd died. That was one hell of a depressing day…

"Meh. Okay, great, if you insist. It won't be as great as…" oh boy, should she really be doing this, "that time I was flying pretty close to the ground in the Kalamarei desert." The two of them began walking again; Scootaloo listening to every word Feather Duster said like each syllable was part of an ancient incantation. "The sand and dust flowed after me in a wave and… it must have looked pretty good from a distance." She made up a story. She loved the admiration that was splattered all over Scootaloo's face. She wished she could take a picture of it so she could look at it whenever she felt down.

"Is that your special talent?" Scootaloo looked at Feather Duster's Cutie Mark, which was exactly that to match her name. No, Feathers had discovered her talent while visiting her parents at work when she was little. Her mother and father were the maid and butler for Prince Blueblood, and Feather Duster had even had the displeasure of having to play with the little shite (who was almost as bratty a foal as he was a full grown stallion) and on one of those particular times where Blueblood was whining at Feathers for cheating at Monopony, she had grabbed her mother's feather duster and bopped him upside the head with it. She'd been grounded for a month but she had her cutie mark- which she decided meant that she was destined to overthrow royalty. And so her evil villain career began!

"Yes." Feather Duster lied instead.

And then-

"I also once took out a full grown dragon's eye with my bare hooves."

---

"Scoots? You in there?" Rainbow Dash peered into the mare's bathroom. "I know I talked about how awesome the bathroom was a whole lot but I didn't think you'd stay in here for half an hour…"

No reply.

Rainbow sighed. She'd excused herself from the dorm room while Twilight was gloating about winning their book argument. She'd noticed that at some point Lullaby and Fluttershy had already left (lucky) and so had Scootaloo. She had no idea whether all three of them were together or not though… and she hoped she would find them quickly because the dorm room was boring and she didn't want to leave Twilight, Rarity and Spike in there alone for too long.

Sheesh! Why was she having such a hard time keeping track of all her friends? She had no idea how many groups there were now… maybe four? Wait a second. Rainbow Dash counted up the groups in her head.

Lullaby, Fluttershy and Scootaloo had all slipped away while she and Twilight had been arguing, and she had no idea whether all three of them were together or not. Fluttershy wouldn't go off on her own so she would most likely be with one of the other girls or both. That made a maximum of two groups. Applejack, Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle had been gone almost from the start (which sucked. What the heck, Applejack!?) and she suspected that they were all still together since Applejack would definitely take care of kids in a strange new place. Celestia knew where Pinkie Pie had vanished off to; she had probably gone off to hang out with Surprise, knowing her. Rarity, Spike and Twilight were still in Rainbow and Lullaby's room, and now Rainbow Dash herself was standing outside the bathroom wanting to find Scootaloo. The others would be fine by themselves, but Scootaloo was a kid, and she didn't want her to accidentally fall off a cloud. And where the hay was Soarin in all of this? Was he still with Applejack and the Crusaders she had taken with her on her visit to Braeburn "to say hi?"

Pfft. She decided that she'd go check out the kitchen for a trace of her friends next. Maybe Scootaloo had met up with Applejack and the other Crusaders and was wandering around with them? Maybe each group was trying to find the others? Boy, maybe she should have made her friends come up in shifts to make things easier to keep track of… but that wouldn't have been as fun.

"You in here, Scootaloo?" she made her way to the gym and pushed open the doors. She found a few cadets in there working out of talking… and somehow a large dumbbell had wound up on top of a crash mat. Had Bulk Biceps come for a visit without her knowing and tossed it over there? Nah, that couldn't be it…

"I should get tracking chips for all of my friends…" Rainbow Dash muttered to herself as she left the gym behind. After a little more searching she found herself heading towards the entrance doors. Maybe they were in the training grounds… and right now she didn't care who 'they' were. She just wanted to find one of her friends.

As she placed her hoof against the doors to pull them open, it opened very suddenly all by itself and Dash jumped backwards with a jolt, almost toppling onto her rump… she actually would have if not for the fact that she flapped her wings to hover at the last second. Regaining her balance, she looked towards the door and saw Soarin standing there, looking pretty horrified at what he'd just done. Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle were by his side, looking just as dumbfounded. What? They were looking at her as if they had never seen her before.

"Oh thank Luna, at least I've found some of you." Rainbow Dash swooped over to them and stopped just in front of Soarin, about to give him a hug but refraining from doing so at the last second. "Where have you been all this time?" she asked, deciding not to pester her coltfriend about the tour he had meant to take her friend son that she had wound up taking them on instead. Soarin chuckled and shifted his eyes around, trying to figure out a way to explain this that wouldn't give away anypony's secrets… or get him in trouble.

"Um… that is a good question," Soarin hummed loudly, sucking at being subtle. "Well… me and the girls here hung out with Braeburn for a while, and then I showed them around the training grounds," he replied. Rainbow Dash nodded before moving on to her next question.

"And where's Applejack?" she hadn't seen Applejack since she and the others had arrived. Soarin narrowed his eyes, thinking for a little while, and then looked up to meet Rainbow's stare.

"I don't know," he admitted. "She made me look after these two while she spoke to Braeburn and when we got back to the kitchen she was gone. I don't know where she is now… somewhere around here?"

Great, so it was still a mystery as to where Applejack was. Rainbow sighed and ran a hoof through her rainbow mane; it flopped into her face a little after that but she didn't really care. Rainbow then noticed that Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom had been quiet the entire time she'd been talking to Soarin and looked over at them. The pair of fillies were standing to the left, staring at the two pegasi with wide eyes. This, in a word, was weird.

"You two look like you're watching Sapphire Shores talk to… Soarin I guess?" Rainbow could think of no better celebrity to replace the one in front of her with. Sweetie Belle opened her mouth as if she were about to yell something with a great enthusiasm… and then she shoved her hoof in her mouth. Apple Bloom was biting her lip as well, and her eyes were darting between Dash and Soarin.

"Apple Bloom… is something up?" Rainbow asked, starting to get a little worried. Apple Bloom and the other Crusaders were usually so comfortable around her, so why the heck was she and Sweetie Belle suddenly paralyzed and unable to say anything to her? Were they intimidated because Soarin was here? No, that couldn't be it because it seemed to her like they had been hanging out with him all day. So what could it be?

Looking at her coltfriend, she could have sworn that he was sweating a little, too. Maybe it was just because he'd shown the fillies a few tricks? Why the hell were these three acting so strange? She expected this behavior from Soarin… so much that she regarded it as his normal behavior by this point. But now it… oh no, had Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom been hanging around with him so much that his dorky traits were starting to rub off on them?

Of course, this was just a silly idea, but it was still fun to think about.

"Never mind," Rainbow tore her gaze away from the kids and spoke to Soarin again. "Anyway, have you seen Fluttershy or Lullaby?" she got yet another disappointing 'no' from the Wonderbolt and she sighed. "Have you at least seen Scootaloo?"

"Oh! We're looking for her now!" Sweetie Belle pulled her hoof from her mouth, getting a little bit of slobber on the floor in the process. "We got food and we need her to eat it with us… also we wanna say stuff to Braeburn."

"Say stuff?" Rainbow questioned, narrowing her eyes in confusion. Apple Bloom sighed and shook her head.

"Do we hafta tell that story again? Some people can get bored o' hearin' that same thing over n' over again," the expression on her face probably matched the faces of anyone faced with that story, so Dash agreed that she would just skip that part. It probably wasn't all that interesting anyway.

"Look, how about we all team up and go look for Scootaloo?" the cyan mare suggested, wanting to take a route other than the classic 'let's split up' cliché. That never worked out!

"No-" Soarin began to exclaim, but upon seeing the weird look that Rainbow Dash was giving him, he just kinda got stuck letting out a long 'oooooooooo' sound. The light blue stallion eventually got a grip and went full Soarin on them all.

"-oooooooice idea Rainbow Dash!" he faked a smile and tried to act casual (something that Soarin could never be on purpose). "I have absolutely nothing to say that would appear in the slightest to be disagreeing with your amazing idea. In fact, I don't think any of us have anything to say at alllllll!" he looked pointedly at the Crusaders, who had their cheeks puffed out as if they were holding their breaths. "Let's go find Scootaloo shall we?" he started walking down the hall, and Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom scurried after him.

Blinking a few times to try and sort things out in her head, Rainbow concluded that something had happened while Soarin was hanging out with the Crusaders. Had he taken them somewhere or… strapped them to the Dizzitron when they mistook it for a Ferris wheel? Maybe she should stop expecting the weirdest of things from Soarin. She liked the dude a lot, so she didn't want to flanderize him… though she was uncertain as to whether you could flanderize someone who actually existed outside of fiction. She would have to ponder that in a little more detail sometime.

"Hey, wait for me!" Rainbow flapped across the room to catch up with the others, walking slightly behind the other three ponies to keep an eye on the Crusaders from behind. The two young girls were talking to each other in hushed and agitated voices, and when they noticed that Rainbow Dash had suddenly appeared close by they shut up entirely and kept walking. Okay, something was definitely going on, and they clearly didn't want her to know about it. Did they secretly know where Applejack was but they didn't want to tell her because it would give away some big surprise. Did something happen with Braeburn and they deliberately skipped the story with the intention of keeping that a secret? Life would be so much easier if you could just read others' minds.

But, of course, that meant Rainbow Dash and Soarin's own secret would be on display for anypony curious enough to look to see.

And she just wasn't prepared for that. Not yet.

---

"Why, don't ya wanna stop, ma'am?" Applejack repeated her question to the captain, who was passing the bottle of whisky between her hooves and trying not to uncork it. She was pretty good at sobering up (unfortunately?) but she didn't think that she would make this meddlesome mare in front of her any less concerned of her feigned well-being if she got hammered right in front of her. She slid the bottle to the side and sighed, still not giving an answer.

"You are the only one who can answer that question," Applejack told the captain, folding her hooves on the desk and smiling a little, "and Ah think that when ya do it'll help shed some light on this. Ah wanna help ya find a solution t' your problems. Don't ya want t' be happy?"

"Of course I do. What a stupid question." Spitfire scoffed, trying deliberately to drive the orange earth pony away. However Applejack seemed to have caught onto that tactic, so that was all for naught. Ugh, Spitfire had been through plenty of trials and challenges in her life but for some reason this was her toughest opponent yet. And Applejack wasn't using fire or cannonballs as ammunition; she was only using words. So why were these having more of an effect on her than pills or alcohol. The former never did a thing and the latter just numbed the pain for a small amount of time, but the things that this mare was saying to her was making her feel things. What exactly these 'things' were she wasn't sure… but what mattered was that those things existed at all.

Was it because she was his cousin? She didn't think so… nopony had really talked to her on such an emotional level like this… ever. Therapists talked about the science behind it, but Spitfire didn't care about what kind of brain problems she was having, she wanted to know how to get over it so she could forget about all of her dumb past problems and move on with her life; well, she was sure that if she bribed a scientist they could zap her brain with a laser to remove the memory but there was always a chance that that could fry her entire head, and…

Oh.

She wanted to move on with her life.

She had just admitted that to herself… and she had meant it. She knew that it was true. It wasn't because she was his cousin, not at all. The mare's effect on her occurred to her as soon as she realised just who she was besides that.

Honesty.

She was the Element of Honesty. And Spitfire was being honest with herself. It all suddenly made a lot of sense… though she hadn't previously been aware that the Elements had some kind of invisible friendship pheromone floating around them that made the ponies around them be more mindful of what was better for them? Then again, Rainbow Dash had changed her life a lot in the short couple of years since she had met her, and if that wasn't friendship magic then she was out of ideas for what it could be.

"That look…" Applejack got Spitfire's attention again, and the golden mare looked up, trying her best to maintain her neutral expression, but Applejack had already seen her dumbfounded gape. Ugh. "That's the look of a pony who's just had some sorta epiphany." She was wearing that stupid smile again. Oh, did Spitfire want to slap that smile off the orange mare's face.

"I remain just as unenlightened as I was ten minutes ago, Miss Applejack," Spitfire's expression barely changed. Applejack shook her head.

"Nnnope. Ah don't believe that fer a second. Now, please for the love o' apple dumplings, will ya answer mah question. Why don't ya wanna stop talkin' to me about this?"

Spitfire didn't know how to react. She knew the answer, but it sounded stupid to her… she wanted to continue with her life, but she wanted to continue it in a healthier, happier fashion than she had been for the past few years. She thought of everything that was going on around here right now. After having a mental breakdown she had hidden herself away in her office, leaving the Academy in the hooves of Surprise, who she knew couldn't order ponies around at all, the cadets were behind in their training (she had been planning on introducing something new into combat training but didn't know if there was enough time left now), paperwork was piling up because she was having so much trouble concentrating as of late, and the only ponies who knew about her problem were too scared to confront her about it. And that's what Spitfire had wanted. She had been driving them away on purpose because the mere thought of what happened was enough to send her off the rails and she didn't need other ponies' pity.

But the way Applejack was talking to her now made her feel safe and secure. She was gazing at her with the same kindness and sincerity that stood out so prominently in her cousin. Why were these ponies suddenly barging into her life like this? She hadn't been smothered with this much attention (except from the press) and concern since Typhoon, and…

"Here," Applejack suddenly passed her a tissue, and Spitfire became aware of the wetness rolling down her cheeks. Oh crap! She ignored the tissue and just wiped her eyes roughly with her arm and- crap that was probably gonna make them look red and sore. Damnit!

"I'm sorry- I mean, no I'm not… I, urgh-" Spitfire proceeded to swear and face hoof, cursing herself a thousand times over. Applejack just chuckled and nudged the tissue a little closer to Spitfire, just in case she changed her mind about using it and accepting her help. Although it looked like she was getting closer to doing just that.

Applejack decided that it was best if she waited and let Spitfire talk first this time. Maybe if she just held back until Spitfire herself was ready to communicate then things would run a lot smoother. It literally took eleven minutes of silence before Spitfire said anything at all, and Applejack just sat there patiently. She was staring at her desk through angry narrowed eyes the entire time but she tried to make her words come out as calmly as possible.

"I… I want to move on." She admitted, and she refused to look up at Applejack and see the dumb smile that was waiting for her. She was sick of that smile. "I want it all to end…" she added. And then suddenly nothing mattered. It didn't matter that she was sitting here talking about all of this to a pony that she had just met. It didn't matter that the shit in the Academy had hit the metaphorical fan. It didn't matter that the eyes of the other mare were scorching her very soul. She needed to talk, and now seemed like… one time of many that she had passed up before.

"I remember the day I found out my sister died…" she heard a soft gasp from Applejack, and prayed to Celestia that her pity wouldn't drive her actions from here on out. She was doing just fine up to this point. "I lost all of my hope… it was like my whole world had been destroyed." She wanted so badly to stop, but now that it was all coming out she just couldn't cease pouring her emotions out.

"The previous captain passed his position to me when he died in the Hoofington Fire, and I felt like rejecting it would be like dishonouring him. I know I should have given the position to Silver Lining or something… but it's too late now, and I don't need the press on my flanks. After a while, the fuss with the Hoofington Fire died down and the town was rebuilt, and I guess it kinda became some sort of unspoken rule around here to not talk about it… Surprise probably made that rule come to think of it, to keep me calm."

Boy she felt awful right now. She glanced swiftly at Applejack, who was staring at her with her jaw agape, an expression of bewilderment in her wide green eyes. Thankfully Applejack didn't say anything and let Spitfire keep talking.

"I don't want this, Applejack," she sighed and blankly stared downwards at folded hooves in her lap. "I don't want fame or fortune. I don't want a fancy position in the military, and I don't want all these ponies looking to me for guidance." She stared angrily at her captain's uniform; knowing full well that the only reason she had been putting it on at all was for a sense of normality.

"Truthfully…." she was using that word in the presence of the Element of Honesty and felt a little stupid for letting her know that her element was heavily present here. "…I don't want to live like this. Giving orders and leading an elite flying squad doesn't mean anything to me anymore. I just want to see my sister… I just want to see my parents…" she felt like a little filly right now, and could honestly not feel more ashamed- holy crap, again with the honesty?!

"Surprise was right. This has gone on long enough," she admitted, hanging her head. "But isn't it too late to move on?" she inquired. "I've been living like this for six years, and I've never been sane and alone at the same time before…"

Applejack was crying on the inside; this mare had a lot of scars and she wasn't letting anypony in to help her. It seemed like Applejack herself was the closest pony to achieving this accomplishment. But she was chipping away at the captain's shield, she could feel it, and perhaps she could even make it crumble if she persisted.

"But you aren't alone," she said to the golden mare, "you have Surprise, and Misty Fly. Ya have Soarin n' Fleetfoot. Ya got Rainbow Dash, and now ya have me. And ya have Braeburn, too."

At the mention of the stallion's name, Spitfire cast her eyes to the floor, the guilt surrounding her like a cloud. She remembered the look of confusion and hurt in his eyes that night, and her own feelings that had fogged her mind. She'd gone insane when it first happened, she'd felt angry the entire flight back to her own home, and by the time she'd cooled down a while after, she had just felt sad and numb, which then simmered into a fine, white-hot, fur searing rage. She'd hurt him and she felt terrible… but he probably didn't want to see her anyway. And apologizing was like surrendering in Spitfire's eyes- it was a sign of weakness.

"So, are ya still not convinced?" Applejack asked after a minute. "D'ya still want me to leave and get outta yer life forever?"

"No…" Spitfire said immediately, and Applejack smiled a little. She was doing it…

"Good. So are ya gonna step up and take responsibility to get this here Academy back on track?" Applejack asked another question. She wasn't done yet either.

"…Yes."

"Good. And are ya gonna do yer best t' connect with other ponies?"

"…Okay, I will."

"And are ya gonna make amends with Braeburn?"

"…oh…" Spitfire looked anywhere but at Applejack. "Look, I don't think I can," she explained, "he wouldn't wanna see me after how I acted anyway, and it's not like he's gonna be in Cloudsdale for much longer so why should it matter?"

Applejack did realize that her cousin being in love with a pegasus caused more problems than one. Not only would a potential relationship with Spitfire be long-distance once he returned to Appleoosa, but it would cause a lot of trouble with his racist father as well. Applejack wasn't particularly fond of that particular uncle of hers, and the stuff he said about pegasi (and on occasion, unicorns) were uncalled for and offensive and if she wasn't a decent pony she'd bop him upside the head for the things he had said to her at a family reunion a few years ago about how hanging around with the 'cloud munchers and hornheads' would eventually backfire and they would put her down. Well that had never happened before and it never would if she had any say in it.

"Well, since that's the case, you wouldn't want him t' leave thinking that ya hate him, would ya?" Applejack knew that the shield was almost down. Just a few more fractures to go.

"I don't hate him," Spitfire was talking to herself more than she was talking to Applejack, "but I'm still kinda mad at him for causing this mess in the first place."

"So all of this is because o' him?" Applejack shook her head. "How could he have known about yer problem, captain? Ya can't blame him for this when he doesn't even know what he did wrong."

Good grief, the guilt was rising higher and higher with every word that came out of this mare's mouth. What the heck was she supposed to feel right now? Oh, she'd just stick with guilt because that's the thing that stood out amongst the long, long list of negative emotions that were running through her head like the credits of a movie.

"I know, I know, I'm being an asshole! What's new?!" Spitfire threw her arms in the air and spun around in her chair once. "Well who else am I supposed to blame? I can't blame Typhoon for dying, I can't blame Captain Concorde for dying, I can't blame myself because I never asked for this crap to happen to my brain, and I can't blame Cowboy because he didn't know what in Tartarus was going on. So what do I do? Tell me if you're so smart, Applejack!"

"You should just talk to him. He's feelin' really guilty about this," oh shoot she wasn't the only one who felt guilty around here. In a twisted way, that made Spitfire feel a little better.

"That's the most awkward thing anypony's ever asked me to do, and my best friend is Surprise and she's asked me to model party hats for her in the past."

"You actually did that?"

"I don't want to talk about it," Spitfire sighed and dabbed at her eyes again with that tissue, wondering if all of the redness had vanished. Applejack clapped her hooves together softly and let out a long breath. She decided to just lay it out for the captain.

"Listen, Ah'm gonna be clear with ya, ma'am. Braeburn's hurtin' okay. He feels really bad fer makin' ya feel that way and Ah hope that if ya saw him now you'd change yer mind about talkin' to him. He's not his happy self, and it's hard fer me to see him like this." She described the situation to the other mare, who sighed and rubbed her temples, placing her elbows on the desk and tipping her head forward in agony.

"Do I seriously have to resolve this?" she groaned. Applejack nodded once and folded her forelegs across her chest.

"Eeyup, ya do. He doesn't know Ah'm here talkin' to ya so it'd be better if ya went down there without him knowin' about my involvement so it'd seem like more of a sincere encounter. Understand?" Applejack leaned forward on the desk a little more. "All three of us would benefit from you doin' this, ma'am. Braeburn really likes ya, Spitfire… more than Ah can say; so please, please don't trample over his heart like this. Please." She looked across at the mare with the kindest expression she could manage, letting her know that her secrets were safe with her and that everything was going to be alright.

"Holy Luna…" Spitfire placed her forehead against the desk once more before looking back up at Applejack. "I can't believe I'm saying this, but I don't want to do this by myself. I couldn't think of a more embarrassing situation… unless you made me wear one of Surprise's crappy party hats while I do it." She cringed at that unpleasant thought.

Applejack thought for a moment and tried to come up with a solution to this predicament. She managed to link this situation to Twilight's early days in Ponyville when she was just beginning to understand friendship and came to what she figured was a reasonable way to mend this conflict.

"Well, Ah'm not sure how much use Ah could be, but we could always keep in touch?" she proposed. Spitfire looked a little sceptical.

"Are you insane or something? You actually want to keep talking to me through letters?" she actually started to chuckle. Applejack was pleased that she was at least laughing a little.

"Look, maybe Ah don't know how yer feelin' right now, but Ah do know that sometimes ponies with problems think that nopony cares about them or they're annoyed by their problems. But that's a big lie, and that's hardly ever the case," Applejack remembered some scientific facts that Twilight had mentioned to her when she brought up psychology out of the blue someday while flicking through a book she'd seemed to be obsessed with at the time. "And if it would make ya feel better, Ah really wouldn't mind at all if ya wrote to me whenever ya need somepony t' talk to, and Ah'll give you… counselling, Ah guess."

Then there was yet another long minute of silence while Spitfire thought it over, and then she gave a tiny smile and shrugged.

"I guess I'd be okay with that." She settled on her response. Applejack reached out and patted the other pony on the shoulder, making her flinch a little. Applejack just thought it was a pretty sweet quirk of the captain's.

"That's great," she then stood up and took a few steps towards the door. "Now, Ah'm not gonna tell anypony that we had this talk, and this'll just be a secret between the two of us, since Ah know you ain't comfortable with ponies knowing about yer problem. Are ya gonna be okay and do the right thing now?" she asked, feeling pretty proud of herself for succeeding in pulling the captain a little further into the light and finding another friend in her in the process.

"Yes, I will," Spitfire didn't sound determined or anything, but she didn't sound hesitant either. Applejack began to pull the door open.

"Hey, one more thing?"

Applejack looked over her shoulder at the golden captain, who had put her sunglasses back on and appeared to have a little flush on her cheeks. "Yeah?" she raised a brow. Spitfire took a few seconds to ask her questions.

"You said that Cowboy 'really likes me', right?" a nod from Applejack. "What… what did you mean by that?" she suddenly found it rather hard to maintain eye contact with Applejack, even though the earth pony could barely see her eyes through her shades.

Applejack smirked and turned away, wondering if this would push the captain to make amends with her cousin even more.

"Some things ya just need t' find out for yerself, ma'am."

With a final tip of her stetson, Applejack left the office and closed the door.

---

Endnote: And so we leave our cast in their own respective cliffhangers. Goodness knows what Twilight, Rarity and Spike are doing in all of this; most likely internally fuming at the authoress for writing them out of this one. Misty and Suprise are left out of the picture after their argument so who knows whether or not they are still in their bruised states in the mess hall. The author gazes with relief at the bold text, pleased that for a little while the readers will be satisfied, and she hums a Mystery Skulls song as she moves onto the next line.

Yadda yadda coming soon, yadda yadda busy life stuff, yadda yadda see ya next time.

Also, do any of you guys like reviews for MLP? Go and check out MrLeftTurn's reviews. My buddy Captain Alaska is beginning to review the new series and his stuff is awesome. Just putting that out there. :)