Authors Note: OKAY! So guess what!? This isn't the last part of the arc? Are we surprised by this? NO OF COURSE NOT! IT'S ME! Oh well, four parts never hurt anyone, right? As much as I'd like this story to be over so I can take a break there's still a lot to do… okay that's a lie, there's actually not much left to write except the GHM ending (at last) and the final stretch. My goal is to get this done by summer, so let's get cracking. *sigh*

Captain Alaska- I need to give Fleetfoot some more 'screen time' since she's so cute and funny. And I felt like it would be a good idea for Scootaloo to get some advice from a not-too-focused-on pony instead of a typical candidate for advice giving like Dash, Soarin or Spitfire. And I can't wait to write the interaction between Scoots and Feathers. Also, I seriously think that a few of the Wonderbolts are bigger SpitBurn shippers than me! The biggest fan is definitely Surprise. And I was hoping that you'd like that part with Applejack- I was laughing the entire time I wrote that. Oh, and a couple of your suggestions are featured in this chapter, too! ;)

Amellia Rose- Thank you for the patience, dear friend.

YoungBlood23- Yeah I'll get over it. I have better friends in other places after all. Yeah, the internet is very often a place of refuge for those with nowhere else to turn. As a blooming psychologist I could very easily break into an enormous rant about this topic but then there would be more of that than the chapter. I've always wondered why no other woman I know goes online much at all (I mean this place is frigging awesome, why wouldn't they want to?!) but I guess they simply care more about... I dunno, shopping or texting or whatever it is they do. I do sometimes wonder what normal girls do ^^. Ah, screw them! Anyway, we've all gotta stick together on here, so if you ever wanna talk, don't hesitate to PM me. As a popular 3D animated Disney movie once said: "You've got a friend in me."

Magical Shield- Compared to a bugbear and frigging Cerberus, what's a flying eyeball gonna do?! BTW, if a flying eyeball appears in the show now I'm gonna freak out.

Ponyloco- Aww, tears were not my intention, but I'm aware they weren't tears of sadness so much as tears of tenderness. Kindness is such a hard thing to come by nowadays (it's a good thing Fluttershy doesn't know of this world's existence) and that just bums me the hell out. I've sworn to myself that I'll ensure that I will always show kindness and sincerity to everyone who deserves it just to keep things a little more peaceful. Maybe dedicating my entire existence to standing out from the others and trying to maintain the harmony in any small way possible has made me more aware of the shit that happens, but I just keep reminding myself that it'll all be worth it when all is said and done. Once again, thank you for your support and I'll keep what you said in mind in the future. I'm relieved that there are pleasant souls like you out there. That knowledge makes everything better.

Drunkenness- My birthday was great! Nothing fancy happened, I just got some fast food with my family and ate cake, but it was still fun! And I'll make sure to get some rest. Haha! It's so ironic that I'm typing this sentence at goddamn midnight!

Luna'snight625- Welp, you'll find out straight away what they're up to in this chapter. And it feels so good to be writing Soarin again! I've missed this dork! :P

Nightmare Star- Whoa! You seriously spent the entire week reading this?! I… I am officially impressed! That is a hell of a lot of dedication. H-hey… I know the feeling of "Oh my God where the heck is the next part?" Did… did you feel any of that? Seriously, that would be great… ahem, but anyway thank you for giving this thing a read! And Spring Song and Paradise are coming back in this very chapter. Is it really a surprise that I don't particularly enjoy writing Spring Song? She's no villain, but she is a bitch… but onto the subject of Spitfire's story (aka the darkest thing I've ever written) I'm pleased that it managed to have that effect on you. That is what I was going for after all… God I've never made so many people cry; I feel really guilty. But yeah, the SpitBurn ship shall prevail… hopefully. ^u^

Also, we're over three quarters of the way to 100 favourites. Hopefully I can make it there before the story ends. ^^

Now let's get part three (oh my god nothing has taken this long to get out. Chapter 35 would probably be split into ten parts if I wrote that now. Ugh) the heck over with! Move forth for some ParaSong angst, a long scene entirely built around dealing with mental disorders (just thought I'd give those people some representation), Soarin being Soarin, and Twilight reviewing the ponified Harry Potter series.

---

"And this is the very bakery that Surprise and I trashed on our graduation day after both a celebratory party and a trip to the local bar," Soarin gestured towards the bakery. Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle put their hooves against the glass window of the shop, looking at a poster that had been pasted on the inside.

"Why is yer face on this thing?" Apple Bloom jabbed a hoof at it. Soarin cringed and bit his lip, more at the bad photo of a younger him with custard smeared over his face than the fact that this was a warning that stated 'If you see this stallion in the store, call the police immediately.'

"Like I said, Surprise and I trashed the place. Her poster is inside… and it looks worse than that," he huffed at the picture, wondering why they didn't take some other one. Heck, they could have used one of the embarrassing pictures from his high school year book but no, they had to go with a zoomed in headshot of him that was snapped from the security camera. His eyes were crossed because he'd just crashed into the counter and he had a moustache etched on to him (by Typhoon) in black marker. He still didn't remember all of that night…

"Rarity says that going to bars is bad," Sweetie Belle looked accusingly at Soarin. "They give you weird drinks that make your brain go funny," she made a 'cuckoo' sign by whirling one hoof around in a circle near the side of her head. Soarin cleared his throat and looked awkwardly to the side, knowing that his alcohol tolerance was very low. There were many kinds of drunks, Soarin had learned over the course of his life. The kind of drinker that drank until they turned completely dopey (like him), those who could barely get past a second glass without dancing on a table (e.g. Surprise), those who drink when they're sad to try and get away from it all (e.g. Spitfire, and sometimes Soarin as well) and those who just can't seem to drink enough to get fully intoxicated (e.g. Misty Fly). He only drank on special occasions unless he was in a really bad spot, and he was pleased that he had gone at least seven years without getting arrested for trashing a store specializing in baked goods.

"It suddenly occurs to me that I shouldn't be discussing alcohol with children," he said out loud, and then turned around and trotted away from the store with the fillies in tow before somepony could put two and two together and realise that the dumb stallion on the poster was the same one standing outside the bakery. Apple Bloom galloped to catch up with him, looking over her shoulder to make sure that Sweetie Belle was following, since she wasn't as fast as her.

"So where are we goin' now? An' shouldn't we head back t' the Academy to tell the adults that we're gone? Ah don't think Applejack would like it if me an' Sweetie Belle went for a walk around Cloudsdale and they were back there lookin' for us inside. She can be… a little overprotective sometimes." The yellow filly explained. Her unicorn friend sighed and rolled her eyes.

"Can we not talk about that?" she asked, having less than fond memories of Applejack's overwhelmingly obsessive nature when it came to ensuring that Apple Bloom was safe and sound in literally any situation that anypony could think up. It was just plain absurd.

"Do I wanna know?" Soarin asked, somewhat liking the idea of getting the dirt on Braeburn's cousin. With all the teasing that he did to his friend it might make a nice change for the two of them to team up and tease Applejack instead. Braeburn had told Soarin his fair share of stories about Applejack, and how she behaved as a filly, teen and young adult. His personal favourite was one about how in elementary school Applejack brought a pitchfork from the farm in for show and tell thinking that it was a magic trident and had tried to make the teacher disappear by jabbing her with it.

"Please don't make me talk about it," Apple Bloom grumbled, and Soarin finally got the message that it was a touchy subject for the little filly. Well, Soarin had been around many ponies with whom you couldn't take about certain things so he'd had a lot of practice in the art of closing one's mouth when one needed to.

"So how would you guys like to go get a bite to eat at the Hayburger?" Soarin asked. Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom gasped and lit up at the notion, but their faces fell when they realised something.

"It… doesn't seem fair that we're doing this without Scootaloo," Sweetie Belle told the stallion, and Apple Bloom nodded in agreement. Wow, Soarin thought, these two were super loyal to their friend. Rainbow Dash must have made a good impression on all three of them. But yes, he could see why Scootaloo would be envious of her friends hanging out with him without her. Heck, Scootaloo was the pony he had looked forward to seeing the most, but yet here he was Scootaloo-less. Hmm… well he had a solution.

"Let's just get some carry-out and we can take the food back so she can join us," Soarin suggested, and his two filly friends seemed to like that idea. He pushed the doors open and looked around for any familiar faces. Since the last time he had been in here had been a complete and utter disaster he wanted to take care not to draw too much attention towards him, should he be humiliated in front of his guests. To his relief, nopony seemed to notice the 'idiot' walking in through the door, and he casually walked to the end of the line, Sweetie Belle standing on his left side and Apple Bloom on his right.

"So what do you want? Three hayburger Goodie Meals?" he guessed, picking the first thing for kids that popped into his head. Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle licked their lips and nodded, making contented sounds of agreement. Well, that was all Soarin needed to know that he had made the right decision. Ha! Kids were so easy to figure out. He was the King of Babysitters; a fact that he couldn't wait to brag to Braeburn about later.

"So Brae seriously lost you guys?" Soarin asked, looking down at each of the fillies in turn. Apple Bloom gulped awkwardly and adjusted her bow before suddenly becoming interested in a smear on the floor.

"Yeah… it was mostly our fault though and he wasn't feelin' too well at the time," she confessed. Sweetie Belle hummed in agreement and looked at the poster on the wall that depicted all of the (cheap, crappy) plastic toys that they could get in their Goodie Meals.

"I feel kinda bad that he got the blame," the white unicorn filly admitted, and it was then Apple Bloom's turn to hum. Soarin knew that Braeburn often got the short end of the stick. It had happened when they were younger, and it had happened ever since. Heck, he knew for a fact that it happened before that from the many times Braeburn had complained about his overbearing family. Soarin was kinda proud of the fact that despite all of that Braeburn was still one of the strongest ponies he knew.

"We should do something nice for him," Apple Bloom piped up, and Sweetie Belle hopped onto Soarin's back so she could look down at her earth pony friend.

"Like what?"

Apple Bloom shrugged her shoulders. "I don't know yet," she said, "but we could get Scootaloo in on it and we could come up with somethin' together."

Sweetie Belle smiled and nodded enthusiastically. "Yeah I like the sound of that. Maybe we should get Applejack to pitch in as well and then all of us would have apologised for all the times we, uh…"

"Screwed him over?" Soarin suggested. All of a sudden his pupils shrank and he slapped a hoof over his mouth, remembering that he was talking to a pair of fillies. Oh crud, this was the alcohol thing all over again. Why didn't he have any interaction with kids?! He needed to go with Surprise to some of those kids meetings that she told him about all the time. He loved the idea of the Wonderbolt Fan Club for Foals but the prospect of actually visiting it had never really appealed to him. He knew that young foals were sticky booger-eating poop machines most of the time, no matter how adorable and sweet he found them… and he was kinda ashamed to admit that one of his worst fears was being the thing that the foals wiped their snot on. Actually his even worse fear was that one of the foals would wait until it was their turn to sit on his lap to take a picture or something and then they would poop or pee right there and then…

"Um, sure?" Sweetie Belle didn't seem to know what that meant (thank Celestia.)

"I'm gonna help out as well," Soarin decided straight away, and Apple Bloom and Sweetie belle appeared to be pretty excited at the notion of working with their new Wonderbolt friend to apologize to Braeburn.

"This is gonna be the best… thing ever!" Sweetie Belle cheered, jumping off Soarin's back and spinning around in a circle. Just then the three ponies heard someone clear their throat behind them, and they all looked in the direction of the noise. A few miffed looking ponies were standing there.

"Yeah that's great, pumpkin," a gruff looking stallion at the head of the group said to the trio, "but could you perhaps move forward in the line; I'm late for frakking work!" he snapped. Soarin and the fillies looked forward and noticed that there was nopony in front of them and they had been talking for so long that everypony in front of them had already bought their food and left.

Wearing uncomfortable smiles, Soarin and the girls moved to the counter.

---

"So, she's in there?" Applejack asked the others, looking over her shoulder at the four mares that had accompanied her on her mission to set the captain right. Feather Duster, who was leaning against Misty's Fly's side casually, nodded her head and clicked her tongue.

"Yup. This is the last stop that the Train to Hell is going to take. Enjoy your trip into the Devil's Lair and don't bother sending me a postcard." The small mare said snarkily. Of course, Applejack didn't much care for her sarcastic remarks right now. She was attempting to avoid conversation with this overbearing pegasus altogether, but such a goal seemed completely unavoidable. Seriously, how could such a tiny pony have such a big mouth on her?

"It's not too late to back down," Misty was a little hesitant for Applejack to go forth with her plan. "No, don't get me wrong, I want you to help Spitfire… I'm merely concerned for you. She can be a little… discourteous when she doesn't want to partake in a discussion."

"Ah'm tough, Miss Fly," the earth pony assured her, "there's no need t' worry 'bout me." She put a hoof to her chest to make her look more determined, and slapped a brave smirk onto her face. Surprise and Pinkie then dropped down on either side of Applejack, and each put an arm around her shoulder.

"We've all got faith in you," Pinkie said with a movie-esque hero-follower voice.

("I don't," said Feather Duster.)

Pinkie leaned to the side and whispered into Applejack's ear. "I haven't been this proud of you since you admitted you have a thing for bipeds."

Applejack hoped that nopony had heard that.

"We have full confidence that you shall return and save the academy from the abyss," Surprise copied the same voice. They then unhooked their arms from Applejack's neck and stood beside Misty and Feather Duster, saluting in sync with each other.

"I still have to pee," Surprise added out of the blue.

Applejack thought it would be wise to at least have a backup plan.

"So, what should we do if the captain gets mad at me? As in, is it possible fer her t' get so pissed that she tries to kill me with a chair or somethin'?"

Feather Duster stepped forward with one wing raised. "Yes, it is indeed entirely possible. And if that happens I can predict exactly what will go down," she looked at each of her fellow mares. "Surprise is going to wet herself, Pinkie's going to scream, Misty's going to run away, I'm going to laugh, and you're going to die."

Applejack scuffed the carpet with her back legs to put them to a better use than kicking this mare through a wall. Surprise excused herself and began walking down the hallway.

"I'm gonna pee, so catch me up on what's happening when I get back, okay?" she asked. Pinkie waved after her Twinzie.

"I won't leave out a single detail," she promised, making the motions that signified a Pinkie Promise. Applejack decided that it was time to get this show on the road, and she raised her hoof to knock on the door.

She was satisfied to catch Feather Duster flinching out the corner of her eye as she rapped her hoof against the door thrice. A raspy voice sounded from the other side.

"You do realise that I've just been sitting here listening to your conversation for the past five minutes?" the pony who was undoubtedly the captain informed the motley crew of ponies outside her office. Applejack cringed a little at that… they weren't exactly off to the best of starts. She whispered to the others.

"Keep quiet," she then turned back to the door and cleared her throat. "Ah wanna talk t' you, miss." She said straightforwardly. There was a small pause before a response was given.

"Who the hay are you?" she asked. Applejack knew that the captain couldn't see her, but she straightened herself up and puffed her chest to make herself seem more intimidating nonetheless.

"Ah'm Applejack. Ya know, Braeburn's cousin," there appeared to be no reaction, "an' Ah wanna speak t' you about somethin'. Can Ah come in?" she asked.

"I'm busy." Spitfire replied bluntly. Applejack knew that it was an excuse as old as time itself, and one can never be too busy. What's two minutes of your time, anyway? No. She was not going to take no for an answer.

"No you aren't, now open the door," Applejack could hear Pinkie Pie and Misty Fly whispering to each other timidly behind her back and tried her best to ignore them both. At least Feather Duster was keeping her trap shut for once in her life.

"You don't have any right to tell me what I can and can't do with my time Miss Applejack, now I would appreciate it if you let me get back to work." She was keeping her voice level, but she could not stop her frustration from creeping into her tone.

"This may not matter much t' you, though Ah sure as heck reckon that it means more t' you than yer lettin' on t' anypony, even yerself," she paused for a moment to let that sink in, "but this matters a lot to me, and Ah'm at least gonna try mah hardest t' get ya t' listen to me."

"I'm already tuning you out," came the captain's response. Applejack smirked, the comeback just coming to her naturally.

"Ah know you aren't, miss Spitfire," the earth pony put her hoof against the door. "yer listenin' t' me, not 'cause ya can't ignore me, but because ya don't want to." She was getting into the pegasus mare's head, she could feel it in her gut. "Now Ah'm gonna say this as clearly as Ah can, and Ah want you to pay attention. Ah'm not gonna force ya t' talk to me, though if ya want to Ah can easily make mah… cohorts here leave us alone. Ya have the opportunity to explain what's goin' on t' me and Ah'm not gonna judge, and together we can work something out so everypony walks away from this happily."

She looked behind her at the other mares, who were all staring at her in awe. Pinkie was chewing on a red vine that had appeared from seemingly nowhere. The orange mare then turned back to the door, staring intently at the paint on it as if it were the hidden captain herself.

"Now if ya let me in we can talk about this mare to mare. Ah'm gonna try t' convince you t' do the right thing," she sighed before finishing her little speech, "and if ya still ain't persuaded and ya want me t' leave afterward, Ah will… and Ah'll never bother you ever again."

The period of silence after that seemed astronomical to Applejack, and for a minute she really did begin to suspect that the captain was ignoring her; when suddenly there was a quiet sigh coming from the office, and the captain finally gave in.

"Come in then."

Applejack looked at her companions and flicked her head to the right to signal their departure, and they left without saying another word, though Pinkie hopped over and gave Applejack a pat on the shoulder as a way of wishing her good luck. Once they had vanished around the corner (probably to seek out Surprise and inform her of their orders to leave Applejack and Spitfire alone) the orange earth pony pushed the door open, surprised to find that it hadn't been locked at all. Maybe the captain had just forgotten, but it wasn't like somepony who wanted to be alone would forget to lock the door.

The captain was staring straight down at some papers on her desk, trying to read the fine print on a form as Applejack closed the door behind her politely. The slight flop of the golden mare's left ear suggested that she was a little nervous, and Applejack decided to make things a little less tense.

"So whenever ya wanna start talkin' Ah'm ready," Applejack made her way over to the spare chair on the other side of the desk and hopped onto it, pushing off the front of the desk with her hind hooves so she could give the captain enough space to not feel uncomfortable or awkward.

"I'm ready anytime Miss Applejack," Spitfire looked up briefly from her work to make eye contact with the earth pony. "So if you have something to say to me go ahead. It's highly unlikely that your word will make any difference to what's going on in my bucked up mind but you can sure as heck take a crack at it."

"If you insist," Applejack shrugged, though she was still as eager as ever to put a stop to all of this madness. She sat up straighter in the chair and stared, unblinking, at the uniform clad pony, making sure to keep her face calm and stern. "Ah want you to explain t' me what exactly happened that night. You were flyin' mah cousin back t' his place and then ya had some kind o' mental breakdown?" that was what she understood so far. "Why is that, miss?"

Spitfire's lips quivered a little and she glanced to the side, not liking the topic of conversation in the slightest. She narrowed her eyes and stared back at Applejack, trying to intimidate her.

"It's extremely personal, Applejack; I have never been able to talk about it without breaking down and I'm probably not gonna start now," she snapped. Applejack raised an eyebrow and broke eye contact for just a second to ponder the possibilities. At least the captain was admitting that she had a problem; her confession of her mental state was probably accidental since it was clear to Applejack that the golden mare had been drinking. There was an open bottle of whiskey to her left and there was even a sluggish tinge to the captain's voice that hinted at her being a tad tipsy. Though this may be a good thing since most ponies let their guard down the easiest when they had a little bit of liquor in their systems.

"So it's some kinda Post-Traumatic-Stress-Disorder thing? It doesn't surprise me since yer a military pony." She added that last part to remind Spitfire that she wasn't alone on this topic. If there was one thing Applejack was good at besides farming and being honest, it was understanding how other ponies felt. She always found it simple to put herself in other ponies' positions and fathom what their motives were, and this was no different. She had met several older ponies who had suffered through some hard times in their lives and it had clearly shaken 'em up pretty bad. Though the captain looked pretty young and hadn't had as much time as all those ponies to get over what had happened to her, and Applejack imagined that if this had been a fairly recent occurrence then it was even worse to live with.

"Yes…" Spitfire replied quietly. "…you seem to be acquainted with this matter already, and that makes a refreshing change. Ponies are normally so ignorant…" she cut herself off once she realised that she was praising Braeburn's cousin. That is not what she was intending to do. Applejack scooted a little closer to the desk.

"Ah know. But Ah ain't one o' those ponies ma'am," she assured the captain, who was looking to the side at the small bottle of whiskey that she had half-heartedly attempted to conceal behind her inbox. "Ah'll listen t' anythin' ya hafta say, and Ah won't criticize any of it until you tell me the entirety of your side of the story. There's no need to be afraid anymore, ma'am."

Spitfire's breath hitched and she clamped her eyes shut for a moment, internally shouting at herself for not wearing her shades. They were hanging around her neck but it seemed stupid to put them on now since this stupid earth pony would probably think she was using them to hide the fact that she was crying or some shtick like that… which she definitely wasn't trying not to.

"I'm not scared." She insisted, making intense eye contact with the pony opposite her. Applejack tried her best not to look concerned at the shimmering in the captain's eyes that signalled that she was holding back tears. This seemed to be more severe a topic than she had previously hypothesized.

"Do you want me to leave?" Applejack questioned. She half expected the captain to say yes and kick her out the door, but she allowed a small smile to work its way onto her face when the golden pegasus shook her head. "That's the kind o' attitude Ah was expectin' outta you," she was well aware of the fact that she was talking to the captain in a manner similar to that of which a parent would talk to their angsty teenage kid, but that seemed to be working on her anyway. She decided to help the captain release her emotions a little easier by repeating something that Big Macintosh had said to her once before when they were younger. "And ya can let out them waterworks as well if ya want. After all, ponies don't cry because they're weak Spitfire; they cry because they've been strong for way too long."

Spitfire furiously rubbed at her right eye with a hoof, mentally scolding herself for letting her pain be so blatant. "Why are you doing this?" she asked. Even her therapist had not been so… she couldn't figure out what word to use in this situation. Great, of all the times for her brain to not work… oh who was she kidding; her brain was screwed.

"Because Ah have a chance to make things better and to help a pony in need," Applejack replied, smiling gently again. Celestia damn it, Spitfire hated that smile. It was just so nice… too nice! The golden pegasus let out a bitter chuckle and tried to keep her cool.

"Is this a common trait amongst the Apple family?" she asked, recognizing that annoying niceness. "To be so aggravatingly kind for no darn reason?"

Applejack felt her chest clench with pride for her cousin. "Ma'am, if ya give ponies a chance then you'll see that it isn't a family trait at all. There are a lot o' ponies who care about you, ya know? Those guys out there for example; Surprise was hangin' out with you at the Celebration, and she seems t' regard you pretty highly."

Spitfire sighed and folded her arms, nodding once. "Yes she's my… best friend." she said those last couple of words quietly. Applejack hummed and smirked, thinking about how odd a pair of friends they were. Oh well, if there was one thing she had learnt over the past few years it was that friendship came in a variety of shapes, sizes, ages and races.

"And what about Misty Fly? You seem close." Applejack pushed forward some more, interested to see Spitfire's views on the ponies who were so concerned for her wellbeing.

"Misty, well…" Spitfire was clearly really bad at communicating her emotions. "She's nice, and I'm glad she's around; she's kinda the only scrap of sanity in this screwed up place and I like her…" you could practically hear a switch being pulled in the captain's head. "Why am I telling you this horsecrud?" she asked, a little pissed off. "Crap, you're making me say these things and I hate it."

"We can stop at any time, remember?" Applejack reminded the pegasus. "Do you want to?"

"N-no…" Spitfire admitted, wondering how she could talk to this earth pony she had just met easier than she could with Surprise or Misty or Soarin or Silver Lining. Applejack leaned back in her chair.

"And why don't ya wanna stop?" she raised an eyebrow, wondering how the captain would go about answering this one. Spitfire stared at her angrily for a moment and began to say something, but faltered and began sputtering out meaningless jibber jabber. She hadn't been this uncertain about something in a long time. Why did she want to talk about all this painful shite with Applejack? It had been six years since it happened for crying out loud; she'd survived six and she'd survive six more, and another six more if she needed to. Because she was strong…

…and she had been for so long...

...too long.

Spitfire let her head tip forward until her forehead was pressed against the surface of the desk and she let out a long, exasperated sigh.

This was hell...

---

"This is my room," Rainbow pushed the door to hers and Lullaby's dorm open, and Lullaby, who was indeed inside, jolted up from her spot on the bed and snapped the book she was reading shut, though she relaxed when she saw that it was just Rainbow Dash and her friends. She sighed and tipped her head back so it bumped against the headboard.

"Knocking, Dash. Knocking is good." She mumbled. Rainbow chuckled and stepped aside to let her friends inside.

"Sorry Lullaby, I didn't think you were here." The cyan mare told her purple friend. Lullaby raised an eyebrow and sat up, opening her book back up and searching for the page that she had been on before she had closed it.

"Why wouldn't I be here?" she asked. Rainbow closed the door after Fluttershy walked in.

"I thought you went somewhere with Smart Set after training," she replied. Lullaby looked perplexed.

"Since when do I hang out with Smart Set?" she asked. Rainbow shrugged and jumped onto her bed next to Spike, who was checking out Rainbow Dash's light blue, cloud-patterned bedsheets, and Scootaloo, who had hopped onto one of her pillows and was curled up into an adorable little orange ball.

"Fair enough then; I just don't pay attention to who you do and don't hang out with," she said. Lullaby shook her head and rolled her eyes before burying her nose in her book again. This immediately caught Twilight's interest and she trotted over to her fellow purple pony to see what she was so immersed in reading.

"What book is that?" the princess asked curiously. Lullaby looked up for a brief second.

"The fifth Harry Trotter book," she answered. Twilight smiled and put on that face that she always got when she was about to go into one of her long book rants.

"Oh no," Rainbow mumbled, leaning over and whispering to Scootaloo and Spike, "gather round kids, it's time for Twilight's beloved Harry Trotter special."

"Nice. Ponies always say that it's the most boring in the series because of its length but if ponies looked beyond that they could see just how much thought the author put into all of these plotlines. I mean, the series as a whole is a masterpiece but this book is where things seem to really get started. Sure the end of the last book was pretty intense, and even I got the chills, but I still find that book to be the weakest- probably because of all the unnecessary subplots in the mix. Sure this book isn't perfect, but it's definitely in my top three, and I've recommended it to pretty much everypony I know." She ended her long speech and smiled widely. There was a short pause before Fluttershy slowly put her hoof up to get the others' attention.

"She's… not kidding. She really has recommended the series to all of us," the yellow pegasus confirmed, and Rarity nodded to show that the pink maned pegasus was right. Lullaby chuckled and gave Twilight a smirk. Rainbow Dash put a hoof on Scootaloo's shoulder.

"And that, Scootaloo, is what boredom is all about." She put on a false smile. Twilight pressed her lips into a thin line and glared at Rainbow Dash.

"It's not boring!" she insisted. "I thought you liked books!"

"I do," Rainbow replied, "I just prefer a specific genre over another one. Is that such a big deal- action over fantasy? Just like you prefer fantasy over action?"

"I think that Harry Trotter counts as action," the purple alicorn recalled the many hoof-biting fight scenes and such that she had read in all seven books. The ones in the later novels were some of her favourite scenes.

"Does Harry Trotter ever skim over boiling lava with his wings tied behind his back by strapping some old frying pans that he had previously thought of as junk to his hooves and sliding off the side of a gulley?" Rainbow asked, remembering one heck of a badass moment from one of the Daring Do books.

"Well no. For starters, he's a unicorn, and-"

Scootaloo started to get bored of listening to the adults argue about books, and decided that she would go for a walk.

"Hey, I'm going to get some fresh air," she said to the others, but they were do focused on the argument to pay her any attention. The orange filly just shrugged and trotted out the door. Being a young filly, she didn't really take into account the trouble she could cause by doing this. She only really had one thing on her mind right now: finding Feather Duster and getting that advice she needed off her. But where could she be?

Deciding to go left, Scootaloo headed back in the direction of the gym. Maybe Feather Duster was in there exercising her wings. She must do that all the time to be able to fly in her condition. Scootaloo wondered what the mare she was searching for looked like. She must have super big muscles, and a long mane that billowed in the wind as she soared through the sky. Her coat must be super sleek and shiny, just like some of those superhero ponies from those comics Spike had shown her.

She was so pleased that Fleetfoot had given her this information on Feather Duster otherwise she may not be as hyped up to find this mare as she was right now. She was so intent on this little mission of hers that she didn't even know what to think anymore- she was surprised at her own determination at this point.

It would be amazing to get the chance to talk to somepony who understood her pain a little. Heck, from what Fleetfoot had said, it may have even been a good idea to get advice from the captain, but since she was nowhere to be found and she had only had trouble with the actual flying and not the wings part of her predicament, then finding the pony with the tiny wings seemed to be the more appropriate choice. After all, it would be nice to have a teacher who had the same condition as her, and maybe they could even become friends.

Of course, if Feather Duster proved to be no help whatsoever then it might be somewhat disillusioning…

…but of course that thought had never even entered her mind.

She made her way down to the gym, and before she even reached the door, she heard voices from within the room. She edged along the hallways like a ninja, humming her own theme music under her breath as she did so, before pressing her ear against the door and eavesdropping.

"We have one month left. Why are you suddenly doing this now?" a voice Scootaloo had never heard before came from the other side of the door. Some grunting could be heard, and Scootaloo placed one purple eye to the gap between the door and the hinges.

"Because the last month is where things get serious, Paradise," a higher voice said between huffs and groans, "so we need to get fit! We need to work out, train hard, and that also means no fatty foods- so that means no muffins!"

"No fair!" the first pony complained, with an apparently full mouth. Scootaloo finally managed to find a spot in the gap that she could comfortably see through, and observed two mares in a pretty baffling situation. The one who had spoken first was a tall green mare with a short blue mane and tail. She was holding a blueberry muffin that had a bite taken out of it in one hoof and her cheeks were puffed up from the food she had stuffed in it. She was standing at the side of a bench pressed, where the second mare- a light pink one with bulging green eyes and a bob-cut mane consisting of many variants of blonde- was struggling to lift up the giant dumbbell braced above her.

"It's totally fair," the pink mare said to her green friend, "we need to build our bodies into flying machines for the final quarter of the boot camp and to do that we literally need to change every aspect of our lives for the better; that includes our food."

"So you're saying I can't have any sugar for a month?" the green mare, who Scootaloo had heard was called Paradise, gaped after swallowing her mouthful of muffin. The pink mare grunted and nodded, attempting once again to budge the dumbbell. It was still no use and it remained in the same spot it had been in since Scootaloo had started watching. It was actually pretty funny.

"Yes! From now on it's only fruits and vegetables, okay?" The pink mare looked expectantly at her companion. Paradise frowned and looked to the side, a few strands of her blue mane falling into her eyes as she imagined giving up snacks; it just seemed to laborious for her.

"We all need a little sugar now and then, Spring Song." Paradise tried to reason with her bossy friend, whose legs were kicking around with all the effort it took to try to make the dumbbell move. Scootaloo was secretly hoping it would fall on her stomach. Who the hay would want to ban sugar?! It was just plain crazy!

"Well if I don't give up sugar then how will I become strong enough to lift this thing?" she pointed her snout up at the dumbbell. Paradise kneaded her temples with her hooves and then stood up straight, placing her muffin to the side.

"Maybe you should have started with the lighter weight and worked up from there?" Paradise gestured towards the stack of smaller dumbbells. Spring Song grunted again and looked up at the green pegasus.

"No, that's stupid. If it weren't I would have thought of that." The pink mare (hopefully) lied to save face. Paradise sighed and looked away from her friend, annoyed but clearly trying to hide that from the blonde pegasus.

"Whatever- you go ahead but I really don't wanna change my entire lifestyle because of this. It's bad enough that my sleep schedule's been changed," Paradise lamented. Spring Song let her arms flop to her sides and she let out a long breath before responding.

"Well then say bye-bye to the Wonderbolts, Paradise. Don't you see? Nopony else is doing this. They all think this is just a silly little boot camp that's for 'fun and stuff'. Whereas the two of us are aware of what's at stake, and therefore will be the only ones working hard enough to be the best cadets. You should feel lucky that I'm letting you in on this 'cause I could just as easily have kept this genius idea all to myself, and by extension the guaranteed spot in the Wonderbolts." Spring Song lectured. Scootaloo found herself rolling her eyes. This pony sounded pretty darn stupid to her.

"Um…" Paradise started to explain something to her friend. "Since when were we promised a spot in the Wonderbolts after all of this? As far as I know, when we saw the flyers promoting the boot camp, it just said that it was a training program for potential 'Bolts. Maybe you read that differently from me, but it said nothing about it being some kind of ritual for being accepted into the team."

Spring Song huffed and sat up, glaring at the dumbbell more than she was glaring at Paradise. "It's implied. It's probably just a trick to get people to miss out on the chance!" she explained. "And stop being the voice of reason; you're supposed to be the Dumb Friend." The pink mare's words made Scootaloo narrow her eyes in annoyance. That's not how friendship works!

Paradise stood her ground, standing as tall as she could, which was kinda pointless considering how tall she was compared to Spring Song. Scootaloo had not even seen Spring Song stand on all fours yet and she was already certain that she only barely came up to Paradise's shoulder. "Have you ever thought that maybe I don't want to be the Dumb Friend. I don't wanna sound mean Spring Song, but you can be a bit of a jerk sometimes, and that makes the other ponies a little… mad at you? And I don't want you to be upset and alone, so I stick by you- just like I have since that day we met. I promised myself that I wouldn't let you wallow in loneliness ever again, but because of that ponies think that I'm a jerk too! Apparently there's some rule that only jerks hang out with jerks, but I think that's a pretty silly thing to think, huh Spring Song?" Paradise looked to her friend, hoping for her to agree. Spring Song had her arms hanging over the dumbbell and was staring at Paradise with a… weird expression. Her face was totally blank expect for the slight sag of her eyebrows and a barely noticeable smile. She took a deep breath and then exhaled slowly, blinking a couple of times before meeting Paradise's gaze.

"I kinda lost count of how many times you called me a jerk in the past twenty seconds," the bossy pegasus said to her green friend. Paradise's breath hitched and Scootaloo couldn't help but wonder if she had broken into a sweat. Paradise took a cautious step backwards and gulped, stammering a little before managing to get a coherent reply to come out of her mouth.

"O-oh… I didn't mean that, Spring Song. I'd hoped that you were aware of that." she anxiously clapped her front hooves together as she fell to her haunches. Spring Song shook her head and sighed, her muscles going limp for the first time since Scootaloo had started watching them. She had been pretty tense from attempting to move that dumbbell. She slid off the bench press and strode up to Paradise, standing in front of her and glaring at her in a way that was in no way threatening, but somehow… dejected. How the heck did that make things seem worse?

"Are you unhappy being my friend?" she asked in a quiet voice. Scootaloo had to strain her ears to be able to hear a word she was saying. She realised that she shouldn't be eavesdropping, but with all the silly weightlifting that had been going on she couldn't resist. Paradise opened her mouth to answer, but all that came out were a few strained croaks. Spring Song's ears flopped down against the sides of her head and she sighed. "Well tough, okay? You're all I have now and I plan to keep you."

Paradise didn't seem to like the sound of that. "No!" she raised her voice a little, "We've had this conversation before, Spring Song. You're my best friend in the world and I care about you a lot; maybe even more than you'll ever know, and I only want what's best for you!"

"Because you feel sorry for me, I get it." Spring Song sat back on the bench press. Paradise sighed once again and pulled Spring Song back to her hooves,

"No. I was gonna say that you're pushing yourself too hard and you need to slow down. You're gonna get yourself crushed if I don't step in," the green mare's voice was full of concern. Spring Song rolled her eyes, but said nothing else. "I know you're competitive, but you don't need to work yourself senseless in order to succeed."

"That's something that losers say to make them feel better about themselves," Spring Song said flippantly, pressing her lips into a line and looking away in a rude manner. Paradise facehoofed and groaned, muttering something under her breath.

"For somepony fussing about being called a jerk, you sure have no problems with calling me a loser," she pointed out, but did not dwell on Spring Song's hypocrisy. "But I am afraid of you hurting yourself with all of this stuff. To be blunt, it's a stupid idea and you should know better- you're always saying that you're the smartest pony here."

Scootaloo let out a silent snort at that, stifling her laughter with one hoof.

"Hey now," Spring Song raised a hoof, "Paradise, I'm flattered. But I think you might be selling Ray short."

Paradise raised one eyebrow, a frown appearing on her features. "Ray?" she echoed, not looking forward to one of Spring Song's lovesick rants.

"Ray. Let me tell you, Ray is the best when it comes to brain stuff," she said. There was a long break during which neither mare said anything, until it was broken by Paradise speaking in a flat tone.

"Okay, that… was literally the most moronic thing you've ever said," she told her friend. Spring Song tutted and flipped her mane, giggling and beginning to talk in that irritating way she always did when she talked about Ray. Scootaloo didn't really care for all of this mushy stuff, but she did find these two ponies funny, and she was afraid that if she left now she would miss something hilarious. Come to think of it, she should probably go back and tell Rainbow Dash and the others that she's doing okay… and she still needed to find Feather Duster for that matter. Oh well, it would have to wait. This kind of stuff didn't happen every day, unless you could stand to watch Rarity shamelessly flirt with salesponies.

"Paradise I'm telling you. Ray- What. A. Guy!" Spring Song kept on yakking. Paradise sighed and attempted half-heartedly to talk some sense into the pink cadet.

"Spring Song, are you really telling me that Ray- a simple stallion with a dumb mohawk- is your smartness superior?"

"What if I am?" Spring Song smirked. "Also, it's 'intellectual superior'. Smartness is a word used to describe a type of pain."

Paradise gave Spring Song a look that stated 'Are you hearing yourself?' but of course the pink dimwit didn't notice. The taller mare decided to raise a point.

"How would you even know how smart Ray is? He hardly says anything!"

Spring Song (of course) had a reply for that as well. "Oh, he has other ways of letting his thoughts be known. He has his ways, Paradise." She repeated the part near the end of her sentence for no apparent reason other than to sound wiser, I suppose. Paradise shook her head and made a humming sound to accompany her motions. She intently looked down at Spring Song and spoke.

"No he doesn't have his ways. He likes sports and superheroes and if I haven't said it before then I'll say it again- I hate his hairstyle- and he is pretty tall and that's all there really is to say about Ray," she considered knocking on Spring Song's head for extra effect but thought better of it. "Please don't change the subject Spring Song; we were having a serious conversation!"

"What conversation? You mean the workout thing? I'm getting confused, are we talking about my muscles or Ray. Don't get me wrong I'm fine with either but I'd like to just focus on one at a time 'cause I can't pay attention to stuff all that good."

"Yes! The workout thing! You could so easily get hurt doing stuff like this. If that weight-thingy fell on you then you could break your ribs or puncture a lung or something else that I don't wanna think about in case I throw up. And if you do overwork yourself or get hurt then it could cost you the spot in the Wonderbolts- if it even exists. And I agree that you could make a valuable addition to the team, but more importantly I need you to be in top form. I'm your wing, remember?" Paradise lectured, her voice level beginning to rise. She could only do this when the two of them were alone thanks to Spring Song's dumb rule about her having to be the 'dumb friend', because "all the cool ponies need a dumb friend."

"Hey, why don't you go easy on the yelling; somepony could hear us and that would be embarrassing," the pink mare said. Scootaloo smirked to herself, proud that she was here for this. She felt just like the undercover spy ponies she'd heard about before. "I told you to relax about the whole 'lead pony/wing pony' shtick. You've just gotta believe in me when I say that everything's gonna turn out fine; I've got this all under control. I am jacked tight the hay into this thing in so many ways that I don't even know what to say anymore!"

"That doesn't make me feel any less worried!" Paradise said shrilly, struggling to keep her voice down. "Sometimes even when you're chill and relaxed I can't tell whether or not you have too must faith in your confidence, but when you say the same type of stuff in this crazed post-depression euphoric state of yours it just sounds freaking insane! You walk around with so much pride and arrogance that it makes it hard to talk to you about the subject, and to bring up the fact that your behaviour is a big problem!"

"Well Paradise, if I'm always happy and full of pride then how is it a problem?" Spring Song picked up Paradise's muffin and gave it to her, which she was pretty thankful for because she had forgotten that she'd put it down in the first place.

"HOW ARE YOU NOT SEEING THIS?! Paradise snapped, before munching on her muffin again to try and ease the anger she was feeling. Scootaloo had a feeling that if this kept up something awesome would happen… or something horrible. She was personally hoping for something awesomely horrible.

"I'm not… oh, have I been being a bitch to you without realising?" Spring Song actually looked a little upset at that, and her ears drooped. Paradise's right eye twitched.

"Yes, but that's not the problem I'm talking about now!" the green mare stamped her hoof to keep her friend's attention. I've already explained that when you are in these states you somehow get dumber, case in point; you've just now tried to lift a dumbbell the same weight as a small carriage! Have you considered instead of keeping this idea to yourself that you should share it with the other cadets in the hopes of forming friendships? Have you learned nothing from all the weird friendship magic stuff that's been going on for the last four years?" Paradise looked like she could keep talking for hours.

"Friendship's hard okay? Every once in a while ponies like you and Ray come along, but nopony understands me the way you do, and because of that my old friends all got pissed at me or ignored me. It's just too hard!" the pink pegasus enunciated those last two words extra carefully.

"I know it's hard!" Paradise started to actively shout now, "It's meant to be hard! And stop. Comparing me. To Ray!"

"Oh, my bad," Spring Song (sort of) apologised. "I don't mean to keep bringing Ray up… if he were here he'd probably say something like "That's offensive," to you, and then I'd tell him that I still think he's awesome and then he'd smile and I'd try to pretend that I don't care."

Paradise let a snort of steam out through her muzzle, and Scootaloo could tell that she was about to blow. Her face was even beginning to turn a frustrated red colour. Any second now…

"Well you do care. You care in the most annoying way possible, and you bring it up every chance you get, which drives me FREAKING INSANE!" the green mare scuffed her hooves on the floor. Spring Song chuckled and nodded, pacing back and forth as she rambled on.

"Yeah, but he probably thinks it's cute right? I mean who doesn't find me adorable? Don't you think I'm adorable Paradise; I mean just-"

Paradise's temper boiled over and she let out a thunderous growl of sorts, spinning around and rearing up onto her forelegs, tucking her back ones in and then thrusting them at the dumbbell on the bench press with all her might. The dumbbell was knocked clean off its holder, flew across the room, slammed against an upturned crash mat, and then landed on the floor again with a loud thump.

Scootaloo's jaw dropped open and she nearly died from the flood of awe she felt. That was totally worth standing there for fifteen minutes and getting a cramp in her front right leg. Paradise was a badass! She wondered if Rainbow Dash knew her well; she needed to find out more about this pony.

Looking upon the two mares in the now silent gym, Scootaloo observed the rise and fall of Paradise's chest, and the look of shock on Spring Song's face that almost matched Scootaloo's except for the fear that was so clear on the pink mare's. Paradise stared at the floor while Spring Song stared at the dumbbell, and it stayed like that for what must have been three minutes. Finally, Spring Song turned to the side to look at Paradise, her bob-cut blonde mane flopping over her left eye slightly.

"Do you hate me now?" she asked weakly, as if the question had been asked before. Paradise let out another shuddering growl and clenched her teeth, her entire body beginning to shake as the answer erupted out of her like a maniacal green volcano with wings.

"NO!"

---

"WHEE!"

"THIS IS SO COOL!"

Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom cheered as Soarin ascended higher into the air. Soarin looked over his shoulder at the two happy fillies riding on his back. Sweetie Belle was hanging onto his neck and Apple Bloom had her forelegs wrapped around Sweetie Belle's middle, so it looked like she was giving her friend an adorable hug as she held on. Soarin would have made conversation with them but that was impossible due to the bag of food in his mouth. What made the situation even worse was that the scent of the food was wafting into his nostrils and making his mouth water. He was a little afraid that he would drool into the food, so he tried to ignore the smell and focus on something else.

He found himself thinking about Scootaloo of course, and how guilty he felt that she was missing out on this. She was probably bored… well, she was with Rainbow Dash and she loved her, so maybe it wouldn't be all that bad. He knew how amazing it was to hang around with the cyan mare…

Then he thought about the previous day, and how desperate his marefriend had been when she asked him to keep their relationship a secret. Of course, Soarin wasn't all that okay with the plan- he wanted to let everyone know that he and Rainbow were an item. He wanted to be able to kiss her in front of other ponies to show how much he cared. He wanted to catch her when she was alone and maybe… (He blushed) engage in a passionate makeout session, perhaps? He wanted to invite her over to his place to watch TV while cuddling on the couch.

Maybe they could even Fly together…

No, that was probably a stretch. Soarin had never felt love before, and he knew that Flying should only be preserved for a pony you care about more than anypony in the entirety of the world. All he knew was that he cared for Rainbow Dash more than he'd cared about any other mare in the past, but he had no idea if that meant he was in love with her. He had always been told that once he was in love he'd know, but he couldn't be more in the dark with this topic.

He wished he could get some professional help with this, but it wasn't like he had much of a choice when it came to a potential counsellor. Braeburn would be a good giver-of-advice… if he were any good at the things he needed help with. If he needed help with apple farming then Braeburn would be the perfect pony to go to for assistance, but unfortunately that wasn't the case right now. If he could be bothered to make a trip to the library Soarin would probably be able to go and get a book to look up what love felt like… actually he'd go to a book for apple farming too while we're on that subject.

Then there was Surprise… who would probably be a better candidate for a counsellor than his best friend. Although, when Soarin thought about it he didn't even know if Surprise had ever been in a relationship. It's true- he had known her since he joined the Academy, but he had never seen Surprise interested in somepony romantically. He hadn't even got the faintest idea what Surprise's deal was. Stallions? Mares? Balloons? He supposed that he had just settled on the idea that Surprise didn't have a deal at all.

Spitfire was one of his closest friends, but there was no way he was going to risk his life just to get some advice. There was also the fact that the golden mare had told Soarin repeatedly that she would never engage in matters of the heart… though she was so clearly just being a drama queen about all of that. And with the romantic tension that may or may not exist between her and Braeburn it was probably the worst possible thing to discuss with her at this point. Why did all of his friends have to be so screwed up?

Basically he was surrounded by the worst possible ponies to go to with these kinds of problems. A small part of him wished that the red mare from so many chapters ago would reappear so he could rant at her about his emotions for no reason other than to let off steam. And her light bulb cutie mark might actually give her a good idea… unless her special talent was simply changing light bulbs. Hey, it's always a possibility.

He slanted his eyes down to see that they were flying over the Academy. Oh crud, he almost overshot. Jolting a little in the air, he spun around and began to descend, gliding the rest of the way down to the ground while the two kids on his back whooped and cheered. When he touched down on the ground the fillies let out groans, disappointed by their ride ending. Soarin placed the bag of food on the ground so he could speak.

"All passengers off please," Soarin said in a train conductor voice. Giggling, Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle jumped off his back, bouncing a little on the clouds. Sweetie Belle trotted over to the bag of food and sniffed it, licking her lips a little.

"C'mon, let's hurry inside and find Scootaloo so we can eat this," she said impatiently. Soarin nodded and picked the food back up, more worried about getting caught outside with two children that he hadn't had the permission to take out in the first place. He just needed to get them to the kitchen and pretend that he'd been there the whole time. With luck Braeburn would back him up if he needed the extra help. Maybe he would be feeling up to it after his pep talk with Applejack… he wondered how that went.

Thankfully they made it to Braeburn's (lair) kitchen without running into anypony who might have ratted them out to Applejack or Twilight and met Braeburn, who was… microwaving a bunch of pre-made mini pies. The look Braeburn got on his face when Soarin and the kids walked in on him taking the pies out of the microwave was like one that somepony would have gotten if they'd been caught robbing a bank… though the look of shock on Soarin's face probably didn't help.

"You are a traitor to your career!" the pegasus accused his friend, who bit his lip and gulped, turning pink. "You make such a big deal about baking everything yourself and now you're too damn lazy to just roll out some pastry and do it! Shame. On. You!"

Braeburn stammered a little before noticing something. "Well yer the one bringin' fast food into mah kitchen. Didn't we have this whole stupid petty argument about this exact subject back when this whole story sucked?" Soarin sighed and shuddered, not wanting to think about those dark times.

"Yeah, but if you're breaking the rules then so can we. Can we just make an exception this one time? We're both confused and annoyed at our romantic lives and we deserve to eat stuff that doesn't take an hour to make damnit!" the light blue stallion banged a clenched hoof on the table.

"Hey! We ain't eatin' without Scootaloo," Apple Bloom reminded her new older friend, who sighed as he tried to ignore his burbling belly. All he bloody wanted was a frakking hayburger!

"Fine then; Brae, do you know where Rainbow Dash and her little party are?" he asked. Braeburn shook his head and shrugged his shoulders.

"No idea. Ah know that Applejack went to go find 'em after she made me blubber at 'er like an idiot… but that's the last Ah heard of 'em. Sorry buddy." Braeburn put his little pies onto a plate, looking at them longingly and wishing that they would magically cool down so he could have a sad snack. Maybe Soarin could join him and they could wallow together- wait a minute!

"Hey, how come yer all confuddled about yer love life?" he asked, not sure when this had started since this hadn't been bothering him when last they spoke. Soarin placed the fast food on the counter beside the microwave and turned to speak to Braeburn.

"I was just flying back here and I did what had to be one of the most dangerous things possible," he began ominously, and Braeburn simply gave him an unfazed stare.

"There's no way that whatever ya did was dangerous," he shook his head, used to this kind of behavior coming from Soarin by now. Either he was lying to make things seem worse than they actually were or he was exaggerating. Soarin let his pupils shrink a little and he took a step close to Braeburn before replying.

"I started to think!" he revealed. Braeburn's own eyes widened at that and he felt a chill run up his spine.

"Okay, yer right. That is a l'il dangerous," he agreed. Soarin nodded in agreement and shook himself to try and get a grip.

"Anyway, I just started thinking that maybe Dash doesn't want the same things I do from our relationship," he confessed. Braeburn sat down at a stool by the counter and folded his arms on the surface.

"Yeah, go on," he said once he had shifted into a comfortable position. Soarin didn't bother to find a stool to sit on but he did just lean against the counter.

"Well, she doesn't seem to want the intimacy that I want- and I guess I don't blame her 'cause she's… her. But sometimes I just wonder if… man this sounds so pathetic… if I mean as much to her and she means to me." He felt like a fool. Braeburn simply snorted and brushed his mane to the side.

"Ah don't know what yer confidin' in me for. Ah'm the worst pony to come to for this sorta thing." he said. Soarin threw his hooves into the air.

"I know! That's exactly what I thought to myself while I was flying like ten minutes ago," he recalled. Braeburn frowned a little and his body seemed to droop a little.

"Wow…" he looked down to the side. "Ah know that shouldn't hurt much but… it kinda stings that you'd think that," he rubbed one shoulder with a hoof. Soarin sighed and shrugged his shoulders, giving his friend a smile.

"Hey now, if it makes you feel any better I thought of you first," he told the earth pony. Braeburn stared at him and blinked a couple of times, and looked away for a second before facing Soarin again, looking a little befuddled.

"Ya know, it actually does?" he wasn't quite sure what to make of that. Soarin smiled to himself.

"You can't beat Soarin Skies when it comes to being a considerate friend. I am simply the best there is." he bragged, puffing out his chest and running a hoof through his slicked back mane that had way too much hair gel in.

"You like Rainbow Dash?!"

Soarin then realised that the two fillies were still in the room with them and he sputtered out a word that is best not mentioned. This resulted in a rather difficult to describe routine involving Braeburn scrambling to covering Apple Bloom's ears and then yelling at Soarin with a bunch of countryisms that Soarin didn't totally understand. After Sweetie Belle told Soarin off for swearing in front of children and wouldn't stop, Soarin chugged a bottle of washing up liquid to 'wash his mouth out', but of course it tasted like he was swallowing acid sauce and he stuck his head in the sink to try and get rid of the suds that were forming in his mouth and throat. Braeburn then made a fuss over Soarin getting puddles of water all over the counter while Sweetie Belle levitated the fast food out of harm's way with her magic. Once Soarin had resurfaced from the sink and Braeburn had given him a sharp slap round the face to calm him down the room became quiet again.

After that, Soarin leaned against the counter, hyperventilating and trying not to focus on the last remaining traces of the soapy liquid in his mouth… he feared that it would never leave him and all the pies he ate in the future would taste like lemon zing soap. Braeburn sat back on the stool and fell forward onto the counter, holding his head and repeating "Ah'm in mah happy place" over and over again. Apple Bloom simple covered her mouth with her front hooves to muffle her sniggers while her cousin and his friend wallowed in the fading tension of the whole clusterbuck that had just went down in the kitchen while Sweetie Belle folded her arms with a 'serves him right' face on. Eventually, Soarin looked across at the two fillies and wondered what the heck he was supposed to say now. Maybe they had forgotten that they had even asked the question in the midst of all the chaos that had just occurred. Rainbow Dash didn't want anypony to know, and if he had accidentally spilled the beans to these kids then he was royally-

"So is Rainbow Dash yer marefriend or not?" Apple Bloom asked as she and Sweetie Belle hopped up onto a couple of the chairs by the table.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRGGGGHHH!" Soarin internally screamed.

"Um…" Soarin looked to Braeburn for assistance but it seemed like his buddy was still out of order for the time being- flopped across the counter like a ragdoll in a stetson. He then returned his gaze to the two fillies, who were awaiting the answer with eager smiles. Ack, there was no way out of this. If he didn't answer them they would probably go and ask Rainbow Dash herself and then she would know that he let them hear of their relationship. But if he told them then they'd gossip. Why the heck couldn't Rainbow Dash have just let this whole thing be out in the open?

"Er… yes?" he replied in the form of a question. He felt his heart freeze when he saw the girls gasp and squeal.

"I mean, uh, no!" he tried to take it back, and the fillies just stared at him with confusion. "I-I mean… we are, but she doesn't want anypony knowing," he just came out with the truth. He was worried that lying would send off Applejack's personal bat signal or something and she'd come running to kick his Pinocchio-esque butt. Sweetie Belle nodded to herself.

"So this is like one of those secret relationships in Rarity's dumb books?" she muttered mostly to herself. "Oh no, are you two going to die?!" she gaped. Apple Bloom sighed and shook her head.

"Of course they ain't gonna die; do you get all o' yer knowledge on this stuff from yer sister's books?" she asked. Sweetie Belle nodded and tapped her hooves on the table.

"Y-yeah… I've asked her about romance stuff before 'cause she's practically obsessed with it, but she told me that she couldn't explain it before I learned about something that had to do with birds and bees… and then she told me to go clean up my room." Sweetie Belle recited a story. Apple Bloom rolled her eyes.

"Hey, can you two pay attention for a second?" Soarin walked around one of the rows of ovens to the table and sat down opposite the fillies. He waited until he had their undivided attention before talking. "Rainbow Dash will probably hate me for life if she knew that you two knew… about us, that is. Would it be so hard for you guys to keep this a secret? Just for a little while?" he even made puppy dog eyes for extra effect. Sweetie Belle frowned and looked down at the table.

"But wouldn't Rarity and Applejack and the others want to know about this? Rainbow Dash is their friend, and friends are supposed to know about these things, right?" she asked. Soarin cursed Rarity for ever so slightly educating Sweetie Belle in the ways of the heart with her dumb romance novels. Soarin nodded.

"Yes, they would like to know and there's a big part of me that wants to tell them myself, but I need to make Rainbow happy, and she's happiest without them being aware of this. You want her to be happy too, right?" he asked. Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle nodded slowly, but the former seemed concerned with some other ponies.

"Well, you don't seem very happy. An' what about Scootaloo; we never keep secrets from her. The Cutie Mark Crusaders are all about trust and honesty, an' if somepony knows somethin' then the rest of the Crusaders need to know as well. It's the CMC law!" the yellow filly was serious about this little path she and the other two Crusaders had made. Soarin sighed and face hoofed, figuring that it wouldn't hurt if Scootaloo knew as well. He couldn't leave the little orange filly out of the loop. As for his own happiness, he could live with the others not knowing as long as he and Rainbow Dash were cool.

"Okay, fine. Tell Scootaloo, but nopony else, do you understand me?" he raised his voice a little get make sure that they understood just how serious he was about this. Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle still looked uncertain. Wait! Soarin got an idea! And it wasn't dangerous!

"Maybe you'll get your Cutie Mark's in keeping secrets?" he suggested. The two girls' eyes went wide at that and their jaws dropped open. After a few seconds of… that, the pair jumped up on the table and began hopping up and down.

"Yeah! Cutie Mark Crusaders Secret Keepers!" they cheered. Even Braeburn raised one limp hoof and let out a feeble 'woohoo' to try and join in. Apple Bloom began galloping towards the door.

"C'mon, let's go find Scootaloo an' tell 'er about this great idea!" she called over her shoulder as Sweetie Belle leapt down from her chair and raced after her.

"Wait for me!" the white filly called as Apple Bloom barged though the door. Soarin followed after Sweetie Belle, quickly calling for Braeburn to watch the food while they were gone, and that he should feel free to eat the hayburger that Soarin had bought for him.

And for some reason, that made Braeburn feel a whole lot better.

---

Endnote: I am SO sorry!

NOTHING should take this long to come out and I honestly feel pretty bad for having such large gaps between chapters. Motivation is a hard thing to find nowadays is all. Also, I had to update My Little Bloopers.

But hey, I hope you enjoyed the third quarter of this annoying arc, which WILL be concluded next time. I'm hoping that after that, the updates will speed up. I think it's because there are so many story lines going on in this particular arc and I'm having trouble keeping track of all of them. I was going to add another scene in but I figured that since this was already pretty long compared to my last few chapters it could be held off for the beginning of the next one.

As I write this it is 4:30 in the morning and I am exhausted- so let this alert you to the fact that I am working on this! I will never stop until it is complete; there will be plenty of time for a break after this is done so I will hold out until then.

Anyway, for those of you who want something good to read while you wait for this (assuming this story of mine qualifies as 'good' to you) I have a solution. I've decided to be a good friend and do a promotion!

Seriously, if you haven't already, go and read Fallen Eagle by my internet brother-from-another-mother Captain Alaska! It's brilliant and is worth the read, and it'll give you plenty to peruse while you wait for me to stop procrastinating over here! To be honest, without Captain Alaska and his support this story would probably have been cancelled ages ago, so if you can, go and give him some thanks by reading his masterpiece.

Okay, well see ya next month then… I'm purely saying that because every time I say that something will be out soon it never is. Ciao! ;)