Authors Note: CHAPTER 40! Holy Luna's crater-butt, we made it! I think there's a little over ten chapters left to go, though knowing me I'll probably come up with another idea and shove that in, too. And with all the two-parters it's getting longer and longer. Boy, for a story that lasts four months it's dragging on and on!

AND WELL DONE MIDNIGHTBLAZE16 FOR BEING THE 300th REVIEWER!

Also, this story is over 300,000 words now. Whoa…

AND we've got another two-part chapter. I apologise if this is annoying, but it gets chapters out quicker and puts less stress on me.

TheMouseOfAwesomeness- There's my mouse! And I must wonder who should be more scared- us or the mares?

CrystalHeart190- OH MY GOSH! I'm so happy to hear that; you and your friends are so amazing! And I read Piercing the Heavens, too but since I came up with this story before I discovered that one I'd already got the characters' personalities down. For some reason I can't explain I've always imagined Silver Lining being a father figure to the other Wonderbolts, and although he's strict and doesn't really understand how the younger generations' minds work he has soft spots for certain members of the team, especially Soarin, Spitfire and Surprise. At least me and Calm Wind both have the same voice actor for him, right? ^^

Captain Alaska- Good enough… and for the record that dictionary thingy SUCKS! And I'm pleased that I did a good job on the morals; I tend to find them hard to squeeze in amongst the comedy, but occasionally my idiot brain will think of something and then fix thing sup here and there and boom you've got an ending with an actual moral that isn't crap. Secondly, I've become addicted to The Big Bang Theory again, which is why there are a couple of jokes referencing it in here. And am I the only one who thinks that Braeburn and Soarin and Leonard and Sheldon should meet and cause a bunch of silly shenanigans? Probably. And the Cap's right, Soarin… though I'm suddenly wary of the mess hall food now.

Luna'snight625- Oh my gosh, happy late birthday! *cyber birthday cake incoming* and it's good to see a fellow artist on here; drawing is so fun! :D

DannyTheKitty- I'm so pleased that you came and read my silly little story; every time someone new jumps on the bandwagon it fills my heart with joy. I'm glad you liked the chapter and I'll do my best to make the next one as angsty as possible.

SnowHurricaneBlue- Gah! I'm just so happy that you love this story as much as you do. And I'm so pleased that you got the reference; I love Ruby so much… wow, I need to give Spitz a Ruby line in the story. If she wasn't voiced by Kelly Metzger I could totally see Charlyne Li doing a good Spitty voice. Then again I already have three SU actresses in mind for characters so maybe enough is enough. Heck, with me there's never enough.

YoungBlood23- Captain Alaska was the one that suggested Arnie for his voice actor and ever since then I read all of his lines in his voice. And this story is literally all I think about… it's kind of an unhealthy obsession, really. Heh…

MidnightBlaze16- THERE HE IS! Congratulations on being my 300th reviewer… hey, come to think of it, you were the 100th reviewer, too! WHOA! You're on fire!

Guest- Thank you very much.

Dshk- Wow, since chapter one! Wowzers, those first few chapters were crap, weren't they? And I'm still not posting this on FIM… at least not until it's done so I won't lose the will to write it. And it looks like you have a little bit of a dark side going on there. Just so we're clear, I am not changing chapter 35! I did not spend just under a year planning that to have it chucked away at the slightest jolt of the deck. Let's just consider this an AU story, because there is one event later that is most likely not canonical…

Guest (2)- It's been one hell of a ride, and I'll try to keep making this as good as I can.

The Jagdpanther- That's the entire point of a farce: To make you feel confused about all the twisted ideas until they come together at the very end. It was all over the place intentionally.

Now this part of the chapter contains what has to be one of my favourite scenes in the whole story, so I hope I pull it off. Hooray for my weird pegasi headcanons… has this been done before?

---

"Spitz?" Surprise poked her head through the door to the captain's office. The golden mare appeared to be asleep, her front hooves and head on her desk with the other half of her balanced lazily on her chair. Surprise approached quietly, putting her front hooves on the other side of the desk to prop herself up and looked her friend over. It was rare that she got to see the captain so relaxed for a change instead of barking orders or just plain being tense. She was actually kind of adorable like this, though the white Wonderbolt wouldn't ever say that to her face.

"Aww, you're like an angry little baby duck," Surprise stroked Spitfire's mane, cooing over her friend. "you can be such a little sweetheart when you want to be." She added. She had to refrain from cooing when Spitfire reached out and latched onto her arm, mumbling in her sleep and rubbing her cheek against it. "So cute." She whispered, stars in her eyes. And then-

Knock. Knock. Knock.

"Spitfire."

The captain squirmed in her sleep and held tighter onto Surprise's arm. The white mare grit her teeth, knowing that if Spitfire woke up there would be no reasonable explanation as to why she was currently holding onto her arm like a monkey's baby.

"Knock. Knock. Knock.

"Spitfire."

"Misty!" Surprise hissed as quietly as she could. Oh gosh…

Knock. Knock. Knock.

"SPITFIRE!"

"GYAH!" Spitfire exclaimed, jolting awake and lashing out with one clenched hoof, hitting Surprise square on her left cheek and knocking her to the floor. Misty opened the door and entered, looked awkwardly at the sight of the white mare on the floor and the dishevelled captain.

"I-is this a bad time?" She asked, backing out the door a little.

"No," Spitfire sighed at the same time Surprise said: "Yes."

Misty just stood there for a little while, shifting her eyes from side to side as she contemplated which response was the right one.

"Just come in," Spitfire allowed the custard coloured mare to come in. Misty tugged at the collar of her uniform and closed the door behind her.

"Thanks for seeing me on such short notice," she said, giving Surprise a sideways glance.

"What do you want, Mist?" Spitfire asked with a yawn, rubbing her eyes. Misty cowered towards the door a little.

"Maybe I should come back later-"

"Mist, if you don't tell us why you came in here I swear to Celestia I will kill you!" Surprise stood nose to nose with the younger mare, who gulped and took another step back.

"Okay, I just wanted to let you know that High Winds is taking over drills, and wondered if that was okay with you." She said, and Surprise stood aside to give Spitfire a view of the youngest Wonderbolt. Spitfire sighed and nodded.

"As long as she's not hiding Blaze in her mane then it's fine with me." She replied. Surprise was just relieved that Misty had asked a reasonable question for a change.

"Okay, that's all." Misty left after that, looking like she was in a rush to get out of there. Surprise humphed and stared angrily at the door for a short while after Misty had gone.

"What's her problem?" She asked, eyes narrowed and lips pursed. "And she should know better than to walk in while you're asleep…" she looked over her shoulder and noticed the unamused stare the captain was giving her, putting the pieces together fairly quickly and ceasing all verbal noises.

"Well, why are you here, Surprise?" The captain asked. Surprise took a sharp breath and tried desperately to think of an excuse.

"Um… I came in to say good morning, and then I saw you were asleep and I… well you look so cute when you're asleep and then… you grabbed my arm… and that was all that happened for about three minutes, and-"

"Wait! Were you watching me sleep?!" Spitfire exclaimed, though she didn't make any attempt to, I don't know, strangle her friend.

"No… not technically."

"Technically?"

"Okay, yes I was kinda watching you sleep, but-"

"Do you have any idea how creepy that is?" Spitfire asked her friend, who couldn't think of anything to say now.

"No… it was a kind stroking gesture."

"You were stroking me!" Spitfire sat up straight.

"That sounds really wrong!" Surprise bit her lip and stared down at the ground, trying to think of something else to say.

"So what did you want anyway?" Spitfire asked.

"Like I said, I only wanted to say… Spitz?"

When she looked back up, Spitfire was slumped on the desk again, her eyelids fluttering shut and her breathing slowing down.

"Spitz…" Surprise tried and failed to get her friend to sit up again. However, a light bulb clicked above her head as she thought of something. "Spitz, you're out of wine."

"You should… probably… buy…" Spitfire jerked back into consciousness. Now that Surprise was properly looking at the captain she had to admit that she was, in a word, a mess. Her eyes were a little bloodshot, her voice had a slight slur to it and she was slouched over; almost every time Surprise had seen Spitz in her chair in her office she was sitting up straight, as you would expect a military pony to sit, but now her back was hunched like it was an effort to sit up and she wasn't even trying. She looked… tired; exhausted even. For somepony she hadn't seen leave their office, Spitfire looked like a wreck.

"Um… Spitz, if you don't mind me asking, have you slept recently?" Surprise asked, and she totally expected Spitfire to snap that she was wrong. But the captain just sighed and rubbed her eyes again, stifling a yawn and letting her eyelids half-close.

"Not for three days," she confessed. Surprise almost had a heart attack at that revelation. How the hay could anypony not sleep for three days straight?! The idea was absurd to her.

"How in the name of Celestia have you been functioning… did Misty wake you up from your first sleep in three days?" She had to hold her breath when Spitfire nodded to keep herself from cursing. "This isn't healthy, Spitz. What's keeping you up?"

"I… can't say." Spitfire looked down at the desk and squeezed her eyes shut, turning a little pale. Surprise was becoming more and more concerned with each passing second. She bounced over until she was standing beside the spinny chair, one hoof on Spitfire's shoulder, and to her increasing concern she didn't swat it away.

"Please… I'm worried about you," Surprise wanted to hug her or something like she had done yesterday, but this wasn't exactly the right kind of mood for that. Then the captain said two words that Surprise had never expected to hear out of her mouth.

"I'm scared."

"Huh?" Surprise's ears pointed straight up and she had to rub one of them to check that it was still working correctly. Spitfire groaned…

"Don't make me say it again…" she muttered. "…if I go to sleep I'll… I'll see Her." The golden mare's voice was a cracking whisper now. Surprise had to process all of this for a minute. There wasn't a doubt in Surprise's mind that Spitfire was referring to her late sister. It was always something to do with Typhoon when this kind of thing happened.

"What happened?" Surprise asked her friend, pulling her hoof away from her shoulder as she felt her bestie grow tense. Avoiding the question, Spitfire reached for her wine glass.

"Is it too early to start drinking?" She asked. Surprise grumbled, wanting an answer.

"Spitfire please tell me what happened." The white mare pleaded. "You can't avoid this forever, so just tell me so I can help you."

"I don't need help!" Spitfire insisted, almost snarling. Surprise stood her ground, deciding that she wasn't going to cower before her friend in need.

"Listen sister!" By the look of pain Spitfire got on her face Surprise supposed that that was a bad choice of words, but she continued. "You are gonna tell me what's gotten into you or so help me I will annoy you until you sing like a canary."

Spitfire narrowed her orange eyes, though she made no effort to retaliate. "What are you gonna do?" She asked. Surprise reached into her mane and pulled out an accordion. She smirked and began bouncing around the room, playing the Luna forsaken instrument as loud as she could, occasionally going off-key on purpose to irritate her friend even more. Oh yes, it had come to that!

"Surprise…" Spitfire put her chin on the desk and folded her hooves over her head. This clearly wasn't enough, so Surprise tugged a radio out of her mane and shoved it on, The Harlem Shake playing through the speakers. Spitfire looked up, a desperate look on her face. "Oh boy, not this song," she grimaced, but Surprise wasn't done yet. She jumped on Spitfire's desk and started doing the obnoxious dance that went with it.

Only a matter of time…

She pulled a remote out of her hair and pushed the big red button in the middle, spotlights suddenly appearing all over the room, much to the captain's confusion, and with another press the room was suddenly flashing with every colour of the rainbow; anypony with epilepsy would not be safe in that room right then. Surprise turned the music up and put on a motorcycle helmet from who knows where, cartwheeling around the room while Spitfire pounded on her aching forehead with one hoof.

Finally…

"STOP! I'll tell you! Just please stop torturing me!" Spitfire begged, almost screaming. Victory! With another press of the button the music and lights switched off, a few flamingos flew out of the open window and glitter rained down from the ceiling. Spitfire found herself wondering why she couldn't have got a less insane best friend. Surprise pulled up a chair and clapped her hooves together.

"Now tell Surprise everything that's happened…"

Spitfire knew that she had to face the music… or she'd probably have to face some even more annoying music…

---

"I can't believe we've never been to the gymnasium before," Bumble said to Beau and Tempest as the three of them trotted down the hall. Tempest snorted and blew some of his green mane out of his eyes.

"I can't believe we can't find it," he scoffed. Beau sighed and looked around.

"Would it kill them to put some signs up around here?" She asked. "We could be right outside it and we wouldn't know. We may not even be lost."

"What are you talking about?" Tempest rounded on his pink furred friend. "Of course we're lost. Do you have any idea which way we should go now?" He asked. Beau shook her head.

"No, but all I'm saying is that if the place you are is where you're meant to be then you aren't really lost," she explained. Bumble groaned and pushed open another door, which turned out to just be the cleaning closet Feather Duster had forgotten to lock.

"Quit speaking in riddles. We've got drills in ten minutes and you're making my brain hurt before we're even there." The light blue mare groaned. Beau shrugged and walked ahead, her head held high.

"Oh stop being such a pessimist," the tall pegasus said to her friend. "Just remind yourself that somepony else is having a worse day than you."

"WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?!"

The three cadets were quiet for a little while. Finally Tempest spoke.

"Like Surprise, apparently."

---

"Go Dashie!" Soarin called up into the sky as Rainbow Dash and Lullaby exchanged horseshoes in the aerial relay. High Winds was a huge fan of the Equestria Games, and she had wanted to recreate her favorite event for the cadets. For the first time in days the cadets were having legitimate fun, and the big smile on Dash's face was enough to make Soarin grin, too.

"Ah got pie!" Braeburn announced, sitting down next to him. The two of them were sitting on a fluffy patch of cloud a few feet away from the mess hall doors. Soarin glanced up at his friend briefly before taking a slice of pie.

"Hey Brae, ya wanna know what I love more than pie?" He asked, raising the treat to his muzzle.

"What?" The earth pony asked. Soarin took a bite.

"Nothing." He replied, some blueberry juice squirting onto the clouds below. Braeburn rolled his eyes.

"Ah thought you were gonna say somethin' else," he told his friend. Soarin swallowed his mouthful and looked at Braeburn as if he'd just come up with an entirely new language.

"Have you met me? Brae, my life is food." He felt certain that Braeburn had mentioned his obsession with food before. But Soarin couldn't help the fact that he loved food- he couldn't be friends with anyone who didn't love food. Okay that's technically a lie since most of the Wonderbolts avoided eating too much, but his best friends were always the ones who appreciated a good snack.

"But don't ya love Rainbow Dash?" He asked. For some reason this made Soarin stop mid-bite. And then his mind went blank. Did he love Rainbow Dash? Wowzers, why hadn't this thought occurred beforehoof?

"Well… love is a strong word, Brae." Soarin replied. "It's reserved for the most important things in life like pie, and… and pie." He repeated, knowing that this sounded totally lame.

"Soarin, Ah get the feelin' that ya rushed into this without thinkin'." Braeburn practically read his mind. Soarin nodded.

"Well yes, I don't exactly obsess over the definition of love all the time. Only smart ponies do stuff like that." He added that last part mostly to himself. Braeburn sighed and looked up at the sky.

"You should figure that out," he told the pegasus, not taking his eyes away from the blue above. Soarin pressed his lips into a thin line, curious as to Braeburn's behaviour.

"Brae… do you know what it feels like?" he asked, "Because I sure as Tartarus do not." He watched as Braeburn sighed and fiddled idly with his hat.

"Ah'm not sure either… Ah think it's like when ya feel like fightin' fer somethin' an' once ya try it's like nothin' happened at all. It makes ya feel miserable fer one minute and then the next ya feel like yer gonna explode with happiness. Then ya feel mad at yerself fer bein' such a sap and then immediately after ya feel kinda giddy. Like ya spend a lot o' time imaginin' some kind o' future the two o' ya are gonna have and then suddenly feelin' like ya won't have a future at all. And even when ya think ya should just give up ya can't let go. Half the time ya feel like ya know everythin' there is t' know about it, and then ya don't have a darn clue; and ya pretend that it's the most perfect thing ever but at the same time it's the cruellest thing the world could do t' ya." He finished his monologue, not having looked up from his stetson once.

Soarin felt like he knew what he was talking about and tried to relate what he was saying to him and Dashie. He did have frequent phases of alternating confusion and joy when he thought of Rainbow. And yes, he felt like Dash was too good for him sometimes, and he did imagine what their future would be like, even if he had to use his imagination more than he would have liked. Soarin wasn't much of a thinker. Then again he'd never really been in touch with his inner feelings- he'd always just gone with the flow and relied on others to guide him. In school it was those bullies who told him what to do, then Braeburn came and told him how to change for the better, and then the captain's Nighthawk, Concorde, and Spitfire commanded him at work… he'd really been living his life through other ponies for a long time.

"Whoa… I really need to figure this out. You're right." He hardly ever said that to Braeburn. The earth pony nodded his head.

"Yeah… just please don't screw up," he begged Soarin, "'cause if ya make a mistake it's like a hit to the face- OOF!" A hoof suddenly made contact with Braeburn's cheek, knocking him to the ground. Soarin jumped to his hooves and watched as Surprise jumped on top of Braeburn and gave him a punch on the shoulder for every word she said.

"You *punch* stupid *punch* pile *punch* of *punch* poop! *punch*!"

"Surprise, stop!" Braeburn pushed her off him, rubbing his now numb arm. "Are ya tryin' t' kill me?!"

"That can be arranged!" Surprise flapped into the air, looking down menacingly at the light golden stallion. Soarin stood between them.

"Whoa guys, what's going on?" Soarin asked, completely lost as of now. Surprise touched down on the clouds and gave Braeburn a glare.

"Why don't you ask him?" She asked.

"I kinda did! I asked both of you!" Soarin looked from one to the other. Surprise sighed and stormed over to Braeburn, whose cheek was a little red now.

"This guy right here is why Spitz won't come out of her office!" She revealed.

Well this was new to Soarin.

"Excuse me," he blinked, "a little more detail would be nice."

Surprise humphed and gave Braeburn a stink eye. "Go ahead then. I'm too mad to tell him myself."

Braeburn looked as confused as Soarin. "Ah can't tell Soarin what happened- Ah don't know what happened!"

Surprise's face softened and she gave the earth pony a baffled stare. "What do you mean 'you don't know', you were the one that upset her."

"B-but Ah don't know how Ah upset 'er. Ah gave 'er a compliment and she freaked out." He explained. Surprise ran a hoof through her poofy mane; Soarin reckoned that she had heard all of this from Spitfire's perspective, so that explained why she hadn't heard anything about it all being accidental.

"Whoa, when did this happen?" Soarin asked with his eyes as wide as saucers. This would explain a whole lot as to why Spitz was locked away and why Braeburn was being clingier than usual.

"A few days ago," Braeburn replied. "Um… the same day you an' Rainbow Dash got together, actually."

This just made Soarin feel a little guilty. If Spitfire had really gotten this mad at Braeburn then that meant he had been bragging about his success with Dash to a heartbroken stallion. Oh gosh, the guilt was flowing. Make it stop.

"Oh… why didn't you say anything?" Soarin asked, curious as to why his best friend hadn't confided in him. Braeburn shrugged and put his stetson back on his head.

"Ah dunno… Ah guess it was because you an' Dash had just got together an' Ah didn't wanna steal yer thunder with mah stupid problems," he answered. Soarin felt even worse now; had he been making Braeburn feel worse about all of this? Dang it, why did Brae have to be such an independent hard-flank; he could have come to Soarin for help… crud, now that Soarin thought about it, he probably wouldn't have even cared in his ecstatic state. Happiness could be a blessing but at the same time it was a cruel drug that blinded you when it came to other ponies' feelings. You get so high on it that the rest of the world blurs into a fuzzy mess of buttercups and sunshine.

"Sorry buddy," Soarin felt compelled to apologize just in case, and Braeburn gave him a weak smile. Surprise cleared her throat.

"Hello! Tell me everything that happened!" She ordered.

"Yes, please do," Soarin made himself comfortable on the clouds, laying on his front with his chin resting on his front hooves, his back ones kicking in the air. Braeburn hesitated before telling his story. From the moment he left work that evening, to Spitfire offering to fly him home (Surprise squealed at most parts after that), he passionately described the events of the flight back to his place with such ease and flair that Soarin supposed he had gone over the events countless times in his head to be able to recite every twist and turn from memory. He then got to the part where she dropped him off.

"And then she just kinda… lost it when I told her that she was-"

"The most amazing pegasus ever to take to the skies," Surprise and Braeburn said at the same time. Braeburn was about to ask her how she knew that but Surprise growled and yelled to the heavens.

"YOU FLANKHOLE!"

It was so loud that a few of the cadets stopped training to stare at them, a few of them even colliding in the process. High Winds waved over at them.

"Say it louder, Surprise, I don't think ponies heard you in Coltorado." She said sarcastically. Surprise ignored her, too furious to care. She slugged Braeburn on his already sore shoulder again, making him whimper. Yep, there was definitely going to be a bruise there later.

"How could you do this to me?" Surprise wailed, gripping Braeburn's shoulders and shaking him, before putting both her hooves on her belly. "I feel like I've just been kicked in the gut!"

"Whoa, why are you upset about this?" Braeburn asked. "Shouldn't the captain and Ah be the only ones in distress here?"

Surprise wiped her nose. "No, it's just that you two were so perfect!" This caught Braeburn off-guard, judging by the fact that his eye started twitching. Surprise sniffled again. "And I printed off 200 of these!" She then ripped off her officer's uniform and Soarin clapped a hoof over his mouth to keep himself from laughing as she revealed what she was wearing underneath.

An orange T-shirt with the word 'SpitBurn' printed on it in big black capital letters. Braeburn's jaw dropped open.

"What… the…"

"I was gonna give some of them to High Winds and Blaze but what's the point now?" She asked. Braeburn was turning redder and redder.

"High Winds and Blaze… you… Lightning and Wave… WHO ELSE KNOWS?!" He was yelling now, looking like he was losing his mind. Soarin felt the cogs in his brain grinding together with the effort of keeping up. What did Lightning Streak and Wave Chill have to do with any of this?

"Knows what?" Surprise asked.

"That Braeburn likes Spitfire." Soarin replied.

"He does?!" Surprise gasped, her eyes getting bigger.

"Soarin!" Braeburn snapped at his pegasus friend.

"I thought she already knew!" Soarin gestured at Surprise, who shook her head.

"I didn't, I only thought that Spitz liked him- oops!"

"What?" Braeburn sat up straight, his face glowing now. "Was this before Dash and Soar got together?"

"…Yes." Surprise frowned.

"Dang," Braeburn seethed.

"But Lightning and Wave know, too?" Soarin asked. Braeburn nodded.

"Yeah, don't ask me how," Braeburn bit his lip.

"Resplendent," Surprise quoted him, and Braeburn pulled his hat over his eyes.

"Who doesn't know?" He asked a seemingly simpler question.

"Spitfire." Surprise replied.

"Thank the Princesses." Braeburn let his rump fall to the ground.

"And Misty Fly's too ignorant to notice," Surprise added, making Soarin roll his eyes.

"Wait, Spitz likes Brae…?" The stallion asked. Surprise looked uncertain.

"Well… she kept denying it…"

"Wow, for a moment there Ah felt hope," Braeburn said bitterly.

"Hey it could still be possible," Surprise tried to cheer him up, with no success. "She might secretly be a teeny tiny bit interested."

"She ain't interested," Braeburn pulled his hat back on. "She made that abundantly clear when she flew off!"

"Maybe she was interested?" Soarin suggested.

"But definitely not interested now." Braeburn sighed.

"Interesting."

The three ponies turned to a new speaker, and as the small dusty furred mare approached with a smirk on her face they knew that they had an eavesdropper on their hooves… if Braeburn could handle somepony else knowing then it would be a miracle.

"Feather Duster, how much did you hear?" Braeburn asked nervously. Feather Duster sauntered into the middle of the triangle the three ponies had formed and smirked up at the stallion.

"Enough that I know that I've just walked onto the set of a friggin' soap opera," she chuckled. "I mean seriously, you are doomed." She said to Braeburn. The earth pony scowled down at the shorter mare.

"What do you want Feathers?" Surprise asked, smiling despite the evil presence lingering around. The tiny janitor fluttered into the air and landed on top of Soarin's head.

"Surprise, do I have to want something in order to hang around with you… ponies." She couldn't think of a better word to say.

"Yes." The three other equines simultaneously deadpanned.

Feather Duster grumbled and rolled her brown eyes. "Fine ya got me. I just want information," she said in a cryptic voice. Soarin sighed.

"For the last time, we don't know what 'The Storm Force' is, so just give it a rest!" He told her. Feather Duster jumped off his head and twisted round to face him.

"It is real!" She snapped. "But that's not what I want. I just want Goldilocks here to tell me how he's managed to seduce the Captain."

"Whoa, Ah think 'seduce' is the wrong word t' use here," Braeburn made quotation marks with his hooves, not even complaining about Feather Duster's nickname for him. Surprise grumbled and scratched her head.

"What does this mean?" She made quote marks of her own.

"Not now, Surprise," Soarin hissed at his white colleague. He suddenly became curious and put a hoof on Feather Duster's head. "Hold the phone; why do you care?" He asked. It was rare that Feather Duster showed a facial expression that didn't qualify as a scowl, sneer, smirk, or things of a similar type, but now her cheeks had flushed a light pink colour.

"Be-because- ugh- mind your own business, bub," she shook a clenched hoof at Soarin. The pale blue stallion remembered a conversation that he, Feathers, and Braeburn had had not too long ago and it all clicked into place.

"Is this about Fire Streak?" He asked, and Feather Dusters ears flattened against her skull.

"I don't know what you're talking about," she insisted. Surprise's eyes popped wide open.

"Wha…" she made a funny face that consisted of a huge grin and derped eyes (Surprise's ship face).

"Oh yeah," Braeburn caught up, "Ah remember you told us that ya liked him not too long ago."

"I did no such thing," Feather Duster insisted, looking over at Surprise in particular. Soarin chuckled and started teasing her some more.

"You are so desperate," he sniggered. "I mean you're actually taking advice from Braeburn Apple. He knows more about the sewage system than relationships." He started cackling with laughter. Braeburn sighed and rubbed his forehead with agony.

"Yeah, you'd be better off going to Lightning Streak," Surprise added, giggling a little.

"I couldn't go to Fire Streak's brother; that's stupid!" Feather Duster argued.

"So you went to Colonel Hopeless?" Soarin shoved a hoof in his mouth to keep him from laughing so hard.

"You guys are doing wonders fer mah self-esteem." Braeburn told them all sarcastically.

"Look, if anypony found out that the greatest evil mind of the century had grown soft for a senior Wonderbolt then I'm history. That's why I came to you three dingbats. You guys are too stupid to make ponies believe it, so you're the perfect candidates for my helpers." Feather Duster explained. Soarin snorted with laughter.

"You, evil, yeah right." The stallion shook his head. Feather Duster narrowed her eyes at him.

"Yes! My middle name is literally 'Evil'. Feather Evil Duster-it's even on my birth certificate!" She insisted. "I've got my ID thingy inside; I'll show you."

"No time for that," Surprise moved over to the smaller mare and wrapped a wing around her shoulders- or at least she tried to before it was slapped away by Feather Duster's smaller wing. "I think I can help you out," she put her cheek against Feather Duster's, and the smaller pony sighed.

"You, help me?" She asked sceptically, and then repeated the word 'you?' Surprise nodded.

"Trust me; my help is the best thing that could happen to you. It would mean that one of us isn't hopeless when it comes to love." She explained. Braeburn gave her an unamused look while Soarin just looked insulted.

"Hello? Relationship." He patted his hoof against his chest. Surprise shook her head.

"Hello? That's got old now."

"Hello? Rude." Soarin scowled.

Feather Duster looked uncertain. "Maybe I should go and ask someone saner…" she muttered, casting a look towards the compound.

"Nonsense," Surprise insisted. "Ya know what they say about Surprise…" she paused for a second. "I am smart.

Feather Duster's pupils suddenly shrank.

"Something just bit my ear!" She yelped, and moved away from Surprise. Rolling her eyes up, she saw a small brown fruit bat hanging off her left ear. "OH HOLY CELESTIA'S SUNNY FLANKS, GET IT OFF!" She started running in frantic circles and shaking her head fiercely.

"Oh my gosh, stop!" Surprise started chasing her. Braeburn and Soarin backed away a little, watching the two mares run around aimlessly, Feather Duster sputtering out curse after curse and Surprise shouting reassurances.

"So… what's gonna happen first, Brae?" Soarin asked. "Will Feather Duster pass out from a panic attack, or will Surprise catch her?"

Braeburn hummed in thought. "Hmm… Ah think that-"

"Gotcha!" Surprise rugby tackled Feather Duster to the ground with a loud thud. Braeburn breathed a sigh of relief.

"Thank Celestia that happened 'cause Ah was gonna guess the passin' out thing," he confessed, and Soarin sighed with frustration. Surprise and Feather Duster got up and Surprise plucked the bat off Feather Duster's ear.

"Surprise, put that thing down!" Feather Duster made a ninja pose by standing on one hind hoof and raising her forelegs into the air. She fell back down to all fours when Surprise nuzzled the bat's tummy.

"Naughty Froot Loop; mommy told you not to bite other ponies. Who's a bad boy? Yes you are… aw, I can't stay mad at you," the white mare kissed the top of the bat's head. Feather Duster just stared blankly.

"You have got to be kidding me," she said, her jaw hanging open. Surprise stroked the bat gently while the little winged animal made some squeaking noises.

"Tell me about it," the white Wonderbolt 'replied' to the bat.

Soarin and Braeburn looked at each other, Braeburn mouthing 'what's going on' with Soarin answering 'just watch'. The bat- apparently named Froot Loop- made some more squeaking sounds.

"Nah, it's not you; she's a little hard to get along with- I think it's some kind of evil rule that nopony's allowed to bite her ear." Surprise explained to the creature in her hooves.

"Are you seriously talking to that bat?" Feather Duster asked, trying to straighten up her slightly tousled brown hair. Surprise nodded.

"Yep-a-rooni; I taught myself to speak Bat. Not too shabby, eh Froot Loop?" Surprise winked at her pet. Braeburn raised a hoof.

"Wait, how come Ah never knew ya had a pet bat?" He asked. Surprise shrugged.

"With everything happening all the time I just never found the time to mention him, I suppose. I found Froot Loop a few years ago when he was an itty bitty baby bat and now he lives in my hair and can fly around my house whenever he wants." She responded. Feather Duster ran a hoof down her face.

"Is there anypony in this Academy that isn't deranged?" She asked only to be met with no response.

"Aww, I think he's hungry," Surprise reached into her hair and pulled out some little raisins. "Here ya go buddy," she put them on the ground and watched as the tiny bat nibbled them.

"Why me?" Feather Duster spoke upwards towards the sky. Surprise looked over at the dusty mare.

"Ya know, not everything is about you," she told the small janitor, "poor little Froot Loop's had a rough day. He had some potato chips this morning and they've upset his tummy a little."

Feather Duster gasped and pointed down at the bat. "It was you who stole my lunch!" She exclaimed. "I was gonna save those for later!"

"Hey, finders keepers," Surprise chirped. Much to Feather Duster's extreme anger, Froot Loop looked up at her and blew a raspberry. The small mare looked like steam was about to come shooting out of her ears like she was some kind of furious train.

"I'll kill it!" She leapt for the bat, only to have Froot Loop step one pace to the left so that Feather Duster landed on her face instead of on him. Feathers looked up from the ground, and with one more raspberry, Froot Loop threw his remaining raisin at her nose and took off back into Surprise's hair.

"Have a nice nap, Froot Loop," the Wonderbolt said to her pet, and Feather Duster buried her face in the clouds for a second time.

"Why?" She mumbled again. Surprise picked her up and flung her onto her back.

"Now come on you; I've come up with a great idea that can solve not one, but two of my friends' problems! This is the best thing ever!"

"Shoot me now," Feather Duster groaned as Surprise trotted off. That left Braeburn and Soarin alone again.

"Well that sure was eventful," the earth pony said to the pegasus. Soarin nodded and sighed.

"I'm sorry, Brae," he said again. "I had no idea that this was why things were going off the rails."

Braeburn shrugged his shoulders. "It's not important. You an' Dash are happy and that's what matters."

Soarin slapped the back of his friend's head. "No; for total and pure happiness, all of my friends need to be happy- especially you," he booped Braeburn on the nose, and grinned. "and I wanna help you out." He added. Braeburn looked a little terrified at that notion.

"Soarin, Ah appreciate this, really Ah do, but this is somethin' Ah need t' figure out on mah own." He insisted. Soarin grumbled.

"Why's that?" He asked. "You helped me with Dashie a little, now I'm returning the favour…" he trailed off. Braeburn blinked a couple of times.

"Hello?" He waved a hoof in front of Soarin's face after he had been sitting there in silence for two minutes.

"Oh! I was just trying to think of an idea," he said.

"Did you think of one?"

"No."

"Rats."

After that there was nothing to speak about. Soarin sat there, licking the pie tin that had been sitting on the ground throughout their entire encounter with Surprise and Feather Duster, and Braeburn found himself lost in thought, replaying his flight with Spitfire over in his head for what felt like the millionth time. It was like the whole thing was seared into his mind forever and he'd never get bored of it. He knew everything they had said off by heart now, and the more he thought about it the more questions he got. This tough as iron Captain had morphed from a commanding officer to a playful schoolfilly right before his eyes, and he was certain that there was so much about her that he didn't know. There were a lot of things behind those fiery eyes- secrets, desires, pain, and darkness- and it was making his head ache trying to put the pieces of the puzzle together. It all came down to the big question:

Who is the real Spitfire?

"Hey, she's coming over," Soarin punched Braeburn on his one shoulder that had not already been bruised, and Braeburn realised that he had been daydreaming for a long time. Rainbow Dash landed slickly beside Soarin and booped his nose, laughing in that cocky style of hers.

"So did ya see my moves?" She asked. Soarin nodded.

"Like heck I did; you and the others totally kick butt when you fly…" Dash smirked and raised a brow at him "…but you kick even bigger butt than the others." He added, obviously trying not to laugh at his choice of words.

"Whew, I can't wait for the final month. Everypony says that there's gonna be a big surprise for us. I really wanna know what it is!" Rainbow stood nose to nose with her coltfriend. "Do you know what it is?" She asked, her magenta eyes growing wider. Soarin looked baffled; this was the first he'd heard of a surprise.

"I… I don't." He admitted. "And even if I did, I wouldn't tell you because it would ruin it. I know how much of a blabbermouth you can be."

"Ugh, I hate it when you're right," Rainbow Dash groaned. "You make this face…" she looked at Soarin who had a small thin-lipped smile with his accusing eyes angled downwards at Rainbow. "Yeah, that's the one." She gave him a shove.

"Hey Dash, we need your help over here!" Rainbow looked over her shoulder and saw Tempest calling her over. She excused herself, giving Soarin a final hoof bump.

"See ya later agitator," she winked at him before zooming off to join the others. Soarin was about to go back inside when another Wonderbolt landed in front of him and Braeburn.

"Whew, those cadets sure are a hoofful," High Winds commented, "how does Spitfire handle their enthusiasm every day?"

"She's just got it?" Braeburn suggested. High Winds gave him a smirk and she clicked her tongue.

"Whew, somepony's standing up for his mare. That's a thing Appleoosans do, right? Believe in their mare-folk?" She said the last part in a bad Texan accent. Braeburn hid his face in his hat again.

"Leave him alone Windy," another voice joined them, and Blaze fluttered over to stand next to her marefriend. "surely he has enough pressure put on him already. Does she make you drop and give her twenty?" The yellow mare teased him, bursting into laughter.

"Is that a euphemism?" Braeburn asked Blaze, taking his hat away from his face.

"It is now!" The mannish mare replied, and Braeburn flushed the same colour as his cutie mark.

"Oh gosh, this is too good," High Winds giggled. "I bet they'll be Flying this time next month."

Blaze frowned and looked a little shocked. "Windy," she nudged her marefriend.

"What?" High Winds asked. Blaze tilted her head towards Braeburn and after a few seconds High Winds gasped. "Oh! I'm sorry…" she looked apologectically at Braeburn, seeming to be ashamed of herself. The earth pony looked confused.

"Ah'm a little lost here. Why are ya sorry?" He asked. High Winds looked at Soarin with an O shaped mouth.

"He doesn't know what Flying is?" She asked. Soarin shook his head. Braeburn looked even more lost that before.

"O' course Ah know what flyin' is. Ya do it all the time; you were doin' it just now!" He gestured to the landing strip. Soarin put a hoof on Braeburn's shoulder.

"This is a different kind of flight. Sit down because we need to talk about something very important about us pegasi."

"And we can demonstrate!" High Winds offered, and Blaze looked surprised.

"Windy?" She asked, turning a little pink; something rare for the yellow Wonderbolt. High Winds turned an even brighter red and turned towards her marefriend, opening her wings and forming a specific stance, her back legs straight, with her left forehoof bent towards the ground as if she were bowing, and her right forehoof extended. Her words were barely audible.

"Blaze, will you Fly with me?" She asked her marefriend, who was getting a little redder now. Blaze then formed the next stance, raising herself to her full height and puffing her chest out, spreading her own wings before reaching out with her right hoof and grabbing hold of her lover's.

"Yes High Winds; I would be honoured," she said in an uncharacteristically shy voice. With the Invitation stage complete, the two mares took off into the sky and began swooping around each other; occasionally one would nudge against the other and they would hold onto each other and exchange pecks on the cheek, almost as if they were dancing in the sky.

Before this story can continue, it is important that you learn at the very least the basics of Flying. Unlike the normal type of flight, this kind is restricted to a pair (and in some cases to be fair, more) of pegasi who share a strong bond, most commonly love, but also sometimes a rigid friendship; when a pegasus picks his or her Flying partner, they may perform the Invitation ritual, as High Winds and Blaze demonstrated above.

If the pegasus being asked accepts the Invitation, then this means that the two of them can commence the next stage, which consists of the pegasi moving through the sky in an improvised routine, all the while making sure that their movements complement each other and are filled with meaning. A Flying pegasus must ensure that every beat of their wings is filled with compassion, emotion and adoration. Close contact is a the best way to express ones affection for another, and another popular way of Flight is taking turns to carry each other through the sky.

Flying is the ultimate act of intimacy between pegasi and is a sacred tradition for their race. It is considered the key factor in a pegasus relationship and is extremely exciting for the participants; some may even go as far as to say it is the greatest intimacy in existence.

"Whoa…" Braeburn breathed after Soarin explained the concept of Flying to him. "…that sounds amazing." He was often impressed with Cloudsdale and its residents, but this was the first time he had heard of Flying, and it fascinated him.

"I'm sure it feels as awesome as it sounds, too." Soarin looked up at the two Flying pegasus mares. They were both laughing happily as they twirled around each other in perfect harmony.

"Do… do you think you'll Fly with Rainbow Dash someday?" Braeburn asked his pegasus friend. Soarin felt that familiar feeling of uncertainty slap him round the face and he frowned.

"Didn't we just talk about me finding this stuff out for myself? I'll figure everything out eventually, and when I do I can give you all the answers you want." He assured his friend. Braeburn nodded and followed Soarin's gaze to the sky.

"They sure do look happy…" Braeburn mused, not taking his eyes off High Winds and Blaze. Soarin nodded and imagined how cool it would be to Fly.

"Yeah… ponies say that the main thing that separates pegasi from the other races is their ability to fly… and heck, they're right. But it enables us to feel intimacy in a way that you earth ponies and unicorns could never understand. If I could explain how it feels to you I would… but I'll just sit here wondering with you." Soarin said to Braeburn.

"Sure, why not?" He shrugged. "Ah'd like some company in my cocoon of confusion."

Soarin sighed and lay on his belly again. "Maybe I've been missing out," he muttered. "A lot of ponies I know tell me that Flying is great… and I wonder if they're right. Maybe it's the best thing about being a pegasus."

Braeburn sighed.

"Yeah…"

He looked over his bruised shoulder at his bare back.

"A pegasus."

---

Endnote: So how about that eh? What do you guys think of my possibly stupid headcanon about pegasus intimacy? That's gonna be important in the future, just to let you guys know.

And as I was writing this I thought 'Hmm… the slumber party would be even more interesting with four mares.' So the evil demonic Feather Duster is going to be joining the slumber prisoners at Surprise's house. Oh yeah, what do you think of Froot Loop?

!ANNOUNCEMENT!

Now that your attention has been grabbed I must tell you all that there will be a delay with the next chapter. The reason is because I'm going on a short vacation with my family (first break from writing since Christmas) and this time I will not have my files or computer. I will have my trusty Kindle Fire (my most prized possession) that will allow me to access the internet, but there will not be any progress on the story from the 23rd October until the 31st.

But I'll see you next time when we return to the second half of this retarded tale.