MILD ALCOHOL AND CIGARETTE WARNING!

Captain Alaska: It is the best Police song, hands down. And since in real life when people faint they are usually only out for a few minutes Paradise probably got up and flew into the clouds not long after Dash and Lullaby's conversation ended, but I think that Paradise can still act a little woozy about the experience. And thank you because now I have a hilarious image of Iago the parrot from Aladdin speaking Surprise's lines! As for Soarin's fart-thigh thing, I only have one thing to say and that is "It's true!"

CrystalHeart190- Yeah, Soarin is the biggest doofus out there, at least in my view; if only the show portrayed him like this then my life would be complete. I've read about a lot of people hearing Surprise's voice as like a deeper Pinkie Pie, but that just doesn't seem right… damn you Hasbro for not making her talk! Whoa, someone's excited for some SoarinDash action, not that I blame you- but just read the chapter and see how things go. It's unpredictable! And PinkBitch is showing up towards the end!

RosaSilvermist- Sometimes moving on can be tough, but we all try at least. And Surprise sounding like Pinkie reminds me of the early days in chapter 15 where a white furred Pinkie Pie with wings burst through a door and threw confetti everywhere.

Dj Storm- Yeah I'm a huge fan of FNAF. Rock Star, I'm sure Soarin would appreciate you being in charge of the music, but like I said, it's still early days and a wedding is the furthest thing from Soarin's mind. The only thing he's thinking of right now is a hole- so he can bury himself in it to hide from his humiliation.

MidnightBlaze16- I hoped that a lot of people would appreciate that. Ya gotta love Freddy's.

Spiralwish- Great, now I'm thinking of Soarin working the night shift. And there was an old scene that I cut out where Soarin walks past the animatronics and muses on how creepy they are… and then Bonnie stares at him so he leaves.

Litestardt- I'm hiring a fourth wall repair guy to fix that situation. And Lightning gives good hugs. ^^

Luna'snight625- Soarin's the typical inexperienced goofball. And I for one am not sure everyone would like this on FIMFiction. I posted a story on there once, one that everyone on this site enjoyed, and I got flamed… a lot. It was about the length of it mostly, but some of the things that the people said hurt me a lot. I deleted it after less than a day. There was even a page on it on Rage Reviews, and when I read it I burst into tears before the halfway point. So I don't trust FIMFiction at all.

YoungBlood23- Oh, you saw that YouTube video, too. Holy Celestia was that funny! xD

Guest: Glad it lived up to your expectations.

Stardust- I am inspired by a lot of comedy farces so that's probably why you can see it as a plot. Also it was chapter 29 where Soarin spilled the beans.

Dshk- Well I've never actually played Battlefield but it's cool you spotted a reference that even I didn't know about. GASP! My cutie mark should have something to do with making references! Though this is some pretty accurate (not to mention dark) stuff. But just so we're clear, that's not how the finale goes but I like the way ya think. And I thought I saw a Boone quote in there- I'm not an idiot after all! And that's a clever name for their foal, though being the huge geek I am I've already put a lot of thought into names for that purpose. ^^"

SnowHurricaneBlue- I LOVE London… both kinds of London's! I can totally imagine Surprise having a lot of London's traits... and her dad. Hehe. And Surprise, there is never a bad time for cake- especially a giant cake. ^^

---

"And yer exit move was…?" Braeburn looked up from rolling some dough at Soarin, who was standing by the door, mimicking his still-gallop from the previous evening.

"This little half trot, half gallop thing," he admitted with his tone full of shame. It was the morning after the incident at the Hayburger and he hadn't heard from Rainbow Dash. He had figured that she'd decided that he was a huge nuisance and was ignoring him… but this was Rainbow; she'd come around.

"Oh no," was all Braeburn had to say to this, returning his attention to the pastry on the surface before him. Soarin was a little annoyed that he wasn't paying more attention to his predicament but carried on talking anyway.

"I just really fancy her, Brae and now I've screwed it up. Do you have any idea how much that hurts?" he just got a sigh from his friend.

"Soar, can ya just shut up?" he asked. Soarin was appalled at this? What right did Braeburn have to tell him to keep his mouth closed when he was having troubles with his dream mare?

"Well up yours, Brae. And screw you!" Soarin moved over to a sink and fiddled with a colander. "Ya know, forget you; I'm sure I can fix this somehow… I'll be the perfect stallion, her knight in shining armor or whatever the saying is," he put the colander on his head and started strutting back and forth like a noble knight.

"Yes Princess," he bowed to an imaginary Celestia, enjoying pretending to be a knight. "I'll do anything to make sure you are safe and happy," he laughed, remembering his colthood where he loved playing knights and dragons with his friends… though most of the time he was made to be a dragon and got poked with the sticks they were using as swords.

"Well that's good to hear," a spunky voice made Soarin jump and fling the colander off his head… which then hit Braeburn in the face and knocked him off his seat with a thud. Soarin would have asked if he was alright had Rainbow Dash not been there. Though Braeburn didn't get up, and that was usually not a good sign.

"Um… nice hat?" Rainbow squinted with confusion, and Soarin nervously chuckled.

"It's a… wh-what are you doing here?" he asked. It was almost time for the cadets to start their drills, which Silver Lining was taking over for a mysterious reason, and so Dash was dressed in her cadet uniform with her goggles balanced on her head.

"Yeah, last night was kind of weird," she spoke the obvious, making Soarin flush with embarrassment. It's all fun and games until someone gets humiliated in a restaurant- he probably wouldn't return there for a while in case anyone recognised him. "But I just really need to figure you out. Call me Sherclop Pones," she referenced the famous fictitious detective.

"Sherclop Pones," Soarin called her exactly that, which was clearly something Dash had not expected since she rolled her eyes.

"Anyway, I had an idea. How about we try that date again only… here," she gestured around her at the kitchen. "We can have some pie and just chill," she shrugged. Soarin liked the way she thought.

"Well then milady your knight will prepare a soirée with apple pie and Pegapsi. Nothing fancy but my sword is drawn and thou will enjoyeth thith evening… ha, I sounded like Fleetfoot there," he laughed at his inability to speak in medieval… things. By then Braeburn had got up, a purple bruise on his forehead.

"Another date?" he asked, wobbling as if he was struggling to stand. Soarin nodded happily.

"Yep! The detective and knight shall dine," he grinned. Braeburn blinked a few times before trudging over to the fridge.

"That's it, Ah'm hearin' stupid stuff. Where's the ice?" he didn't hear Soarin chuckle at his friend.

"So I will make sure that nothing goes wrong," Soarin vowed and put his hoof over his heart. "Word of a Wonderbolt," he recited the phrase that every Wonderbolt would use when they made a big promise. "And I'll dig out my suit and tie and meet you here at four O'clock."

Suit and tie?" Rainbow echoed, looking skeptical. "Well okay then. This isn't exactly a fancy event but if that's what you want…" she hesitated a moment before reaching forward and pecking Soarin on the cheek before she turned and speed-walked out of the kitchen, blushing insanely bright. Soarin grinned so wide that he thought that his face might split in half and turned towards Braeburn.

"Got a second date," he chanted, and Braeburn joined in. "Got a second date."

"Inadvertently played a blinder," Soarin changed the chant.

"Inadvertently played… it's too hard," they went back to the original chant.

"Got a second date. Got a second date."

Braeburn led him over to the counter he was at a little while ago and forced him onto a seat. "Right, Ah'm gonna help ya out this time so ya won't slip up," he decided.

"Thanks…" Soarin didn't feel like arguing, even though Braeburn was probably the last pony in Equestria he wanted to take advice from.

"So… ya wanna have an amusin' story fer yer date t' show ya have an interestin' life," Braeburn explained. Soarin scoffed and tugged at his tie.

"Wonderbolt. Duh!" He stuck his tongue out and crossed his eyes before sitting up straight. "But I have a funny anecdote anyway. Wanna hear it?" When Braeburn nodded Soarin suppressed a giggle and twisted round to face his friend.

"Okay, so one time I got a phone call, so I picked the phone up and the guy on the other end said 'Mr Skies?' so I said 'Yes?' and then he said 'I've got your curtains.'" He paused as he bit his lip to keep from laughing. "Anyway I thought 'Weird. What curtains?'" as Braeburn nodded to show that he was keeping up, Soarin finished his story and burst into a fit of laughter. "It was a wrong number. They weren't my curtains!" he was clutching his ribs due to his cackling now, and he wheezed to try and calm down when he saw that Braeburn just looked confused. "They were somepony else's curtains!" he said as if it were the punchline. Suddenly the pale blue stallion remembered something.

Soarin gasped and froze. "Oh crud, I told her I'd get the suit and tie. Ack! I'm too scared to go back to those gangling boppy shoppers," he grabbed Braeburn and shook him by the shoulders. "How will I get it? How? HOW?!"

"FOCUS!" Braeburn slapped Soarin round the face, and suddenly it seemed as if he'd knocked an idea into his skull. Soarin put a serious and determined look on his face.

"I've got it!"

---

Knock. Knock. Knock.

"Don't come in," came the gruff reply.

"Couldn't if I wanted to; the thing's locked," the Horstrian accent gave away who the stallion was. The captain wasn't expecting him, and by no means wanted to let him inside her office. Rapidfire always came down here for the same reason anyway, and every time they had the same conversation, so she might as well just sit there until he got bored and left.

The office was a state anyway. Paperwork was scattered over the desk with some on the floor, crumpled sheets filled the wastepaper basket to the brim to the point of overflowing and there was a new espresso machine on the desk within hooves reach so she could get some whenever she needed an extra boost of energy.

There was a box of red wine underneath the desk where nopony could see it from the other side. There were more in the cupboards just in case she ran out along with migraine pills and other medications. If anypony didn't know the captain they would assume she was a wild slob.

"Cap, lemme in, please."

"Nope," Spitfire took a gulp of wine, wrinkling her nose as it burned her throat. This was, in truth, not the first time the golden pegasus had turned to alcohol for support in this sort of situation, but that didn't help her like the taste any more. She found that red wine was better than white wine because of the added sweet, fruity flavor… even if it still felt like swallowing poison sometimes. Oh well, alcohol wasn't meant for everyone.

"Why not?" Rapidfire knocked on the door again.

"Because I said so," Spitfire wondered if she should have just pretended she wasn't there… she could have climbed out the window at least… but that would mean standing up… and the last time she'd tried that she'd fallen over. Nope, the chair was good enough. After a minute or two Rapidfire stopped banging on the door, and she took that as a sign that he had wandered off. Good.

"Spitz!" Now there was a voice she… tolerated. "Oh, the knock- I forgot."

"You don't have to do the secret knock; I didn't even want a secret knock," Spitfire groaned, rubbing her forehead.

"But I love the secret knock!" Surprise did it anyway, to the beat of Blue (Da Ba Dee) by Eifel 65 (YOU try ponifying that!)

"Ugh, fine," Spitfire got up from her swivel chair, waited for the room to stop feeling fuzzy, and then made her way to the door. She unlocked it and opened it, seeing Surprise standing before her-

-with Rapidfire and Misty Fly!

"Gah!" Spitfire grabbed Surprise and pulled her into the room. Surprise didn't have time to question the captain's motives as she spun her round and slammed her into the door, pressing herself against her friend to keep her from moving.

"What?" Surprise asked. Spitfire strained from slapping the white pegasus round the face.

"I said that I don't wanna see anypony, so you bring Mist and Rapid here?" she asked, her eyes blazing with anger that ceased to go away. Surprise gulped."

"Well if it helps, Rapidfire was already here," she said nervously.

"Of course it doesn't help!" she bit her lip to keep herself from yelling.

'Maybe you should shove her out the window?' the pony in Spitfire's head rubbed its hooves together with a cunning smirk.

'Not now.'

'Yeah, you're right. We're on the ground floor so it wouldn't be all that painful… and she'd land on clouds.'

"I-is everything okay in there?" Misty Fly's distinct voice came from the other side of the door followed by Rapidfire's deeper voice.

"Yeah, I wanna talk!"

"Rapidfire, for the last time I'm not making you co-captain!" Spitfire shoved Surprise aside and shouted through the door.

"But… I paid you!" Rapidfire tried to convince her. "Soarin's getting more unreliable ya know. Now he's dating that Rainbow Dash cadet he's gonna be swooning so much that she'll have to drag him around with a leash..." Rapidfire then chuckled. "Kinky." He added.

"Shut up!" was the captain's only response to that.

"C'mon, I gave you the bits!" he continued bickering. Rolling her eyes behind her shades, Spitfire moved over to the swivel chair and placed a hoof on the button to turn the coffee machine on; she did so and it made a loud whirring noise.

"152 BITS, WOMAN!" Rapidfire yelled over the noise. Spitfire pushed the button again and the noise stopped.

"Sorry, what was that?" she asked, kicking the side of the desk absentmindedly.

"I said that I gave you 152 bits so you could pay Soarin to quit the position-"

"-and I said I would do no such thing," Spitfire called through the door, catching sight of Surprise inching towards it and stopping her with a scowl.

"And ya kept the cash anyway-" halfway through his sentence, Spitfire turned the coffee maker back on, making Rapidfire raise his voice. "-WHICH IS ABOUT THE SAME PRICE AS AN ESPRESSO MACHINE!"

Spitfire turned it off. "Sorry, I didn't hear a word you said," this was the way their conversations usually went, though it was a lot more enjoyable with a coffee maker.

"Soarin's not with it anymore! He's a stupid, immature dingbat!"

"Soarin's perfectly capable of his job," Spitfire argued. Rapidfire raised his voice a little more.

"Yesterday I caught him in the kitchen eating a sponge to see if it tasted like cake!" he yelled.

"Goodbye Rapidfire!" Spitfire said with finality, switching on the machine again. Rapidfire could be heard yelling one more time.

"HE PUT JELLY ON IT, BUT IT WAS STILL A SPONGE!"

That left Spitfire and Surprise alone in the office… she would have preferred to be alone alone, but with Surprise there wasn't much further she could get. After all, her white furred friend liked to be 'alone together'.

"So…"

"No," Spitfire silenced her friend, choosing coffee over some wine this time round. There was no way she was going to sleep, so she needed as much caffeine as was physically possible. Surprise's ears drooped and she rubbed the bridge of her nose.

"I… didn't finish my sentence," she stated the apparent, and the look on her face she got afterwards suggested that she had no idea whether this was a good choice or not. It wasn't.

"And you just said something dumb. Look at us, we're the Obvious Twins," she snarled. Surprise didn't like it when her friend was like this. It hadn't been occurring as much as it used to, but when Spitfire had her 'episodes' nowadays it was usually a seriously bad one. It messed with her mind, and sometimes she couldn't even recognize she was talking to the same mare.

"Spitz, you have to tell me what's wrong," Surprise knew that something bad had set her off this time. Luckily Surprise was skilled when it came to these sorts of situations so she had a relatively wide range of knowledge about what to do when faced with a pony suffering with this kind of mental disorder. Of course Spitfire would cool down eventually, but Surprise liked to do whatever she could to hurry the process along, even if it meant getting her feelings hurt in the process. When you cared for a pony the way Surprise cared for the captain then your feelings didn't matter- just their well-being. Surprise didn't even care that the point of view in this scene had somehow been switched over to her… she quite liked it, really.

"Just the wonders of Post-Traumatic-Stress-Disorder," Spitfire threw her hooves into the air and spun in her chair, which come to think of it was probably not the best thing to do after drinking three glasses wine before 2 O'clock. Surprise then asked what had to be the most pointless question ever.

"Do you wanna talk about it?"

"There's nothing to talk about," the golden mare replied curtly, reaching for the box of wine again. Man this was getting out of hoof already.

"C'mon, Spitz, smile for me won't ya?" Surprise put her head on the desk and looked expectantly up at her friend… though the frown remained. Surprise sighed and slunk over to the door.

"I just wanna help," she lamented in an uncharacteristically depressed tone. She dared not say it out loud but she pitied her friend for the life she'd had. Nopony should have to lose that many friends and family members. In a way it was like Surprise herself had lost a part of her own family that day with the fire… the amazing blue pony she had admired since her childhood was taken away… and she was pretty sure that the Spitfire she had grown up with had died with her.

Surprise had a lot going on inside her head, which everypony knew, but underneath the random ball of laughs there was a pretty wise pony just sitting there and obsessing over life. She was worried for her friend and wished that there was something she could do… and she'd tried! She could sometimes make her grin or laugh but she'd always slink back into that dark hole of depression she'd burrowed inside her head. She was most worried that the hole would just collapse on Spitfire completely and she'd lose herself for good… so Surprise needed to keep her happy. Somehow…

She'd promised after all.

Suddenly-

Knock, knock, knock,

"Surprise and Spitfire."

Knock, knock, knock,

"Surprise and Spitfire."

Knock, knock, knock,

"Surprise and Spitfire."

Surprise groaned and gritted her teeth. Misty Fly was definitely the pony she got along with least because their personalities just clashed into a big ugly mess, and because of this, little quirks that Surprise would normally find hilarious irritated her. For instance, Misty Fly liked to knock on doors three times and then say the names of whoever is inside, repeat, and then repeat again. Was this how Spitfire felt when Surprise threw confetti all over her? She needed to apologize for that.

"What, Misty?" Spitfire called through the door.

"I want to help," she said simply. Surprise wanted to scoff and say that there was no way she'd be let inside, but she told herself to stay optimistic, especially in the presence of Spitfire.

"Hmm…" The golden mare hummed. At some point she had got up to stare out the window. Surprise moved away from the door and stood next to her friend, following her line of sight to see a group of grey clouds gathering by the Weather Factory. Great, it was gonna rain…

"Let her in," Spitfire said shortly. Surprise's jaw almost hit the floor… why did she need Misty? She was Spitfire's sole confidant and best friend, though she had often noticed the flame maned mare chatting to Misty Fly in the staff room. She seemed to get along with Misty Fly pretty well, and asked her for advice a lot. Sometimes Spitfire would even work Misty Fly into the conversations they were having when she wasn't even around. Somehow the youngest Wonderbolt had entered Spitfire's soft spot, and Surprise was irked by that. Their conversations about Misty would often annoy Surprise to the point of her not listening anymore.

"Fine," Surprise opened the door and Misty Fly walked in, giving Surprise a small smile as she did so. Ugh! Why did Misty have to be so sweet?

"What's happening, Spitfire?" Misty asked. Great, they weren't calling each other by their positions either? Surprise stuck close to Spitfire's side after that point.

"Have you seen Soarin today?" she asked. Misty Fly wrinkled her muzzle as she thought and looked off to the side.

"I think he just left with a bag," she replied. Spitfire blinked behind her shades.

"What…?" she asked bluntly. Misty Fly shrugged.

"No idea," was all she said, showing that she was used to Soarin's idiocy by now, too. Spitfire cleared her throat to get the tan mare's attention back.

"Well for you that's good news… I think," she was using an emotionless tone. "Since Surprise is acting as a substitute captain for the time being and Soarin isn't here, you are the new temporary Lieutenant.

"R-really?" Misty asked with wide eyes, a shade of pink dusting her cheeks. "Y-you trust me that much?"

"Of course I do," Spitfire shrugged. Surprise hated that grin Misty got when she was proud. It curled too much for her liking, and she got this look in her eyes whenever she was praised like she had just won the award for being the most incredible pony- and if that pony praising her was the captain, there might have even been a squee in there- oh there it went.

"Um… why is this happening?" Surprise looked at Spitfire so that Misty couldn't see her face. Her tone was calm but her eyes screamed 'what the heck are you doing?!'

Spitfire sat back at her desk and got some more coffee. "It's been on the agenda for a while, but I think now is the time to launch an investigation to figure out who put the horseshoe in the storm cloud cluster. This has gone on far enough and no new evidence has come forward as to who did it, so the only way we're going to catch the culprit is if we go and look for some kind of clue."

"So…" Surprise gulped, fearing the answer. "what have we got to do with it?"

"You two are going to be the investigators."

"I had a horrible feeling you were going to say that." Surprise hated the idea of going into the storm clouds. An idea she hated even more was going into the storm clouds with a pony she only barely tolerated.

"Well the sooner we figure out who did it then the sooner you can go back to sitting on your lard-ass," the captain lowered her shades to glare at Surprise. Then Misty giggled and put a hoof to her chin.

"Oh Spitfire, that was priceless," she laughed. "Lard-ass…"

"Let's do this!" Surprise smashed a hoof on the desk with anticipation. This wasn't an investigation anymore- this was a competition! She was going to prove to Spitfire that she was the best friend a pony could ever have- there was no need for the Misty Fly Buddy 3000… it sounds funnier with the number at the end… right?

"Surprise," Spitfire said silently. The white mare leaned forward eagerly.

"Yes?" she asked with wide purple eyes. Spitfire gave her a small shove.

"What did I tell you about slamming your hooves on my desk?" she asked. Surprise swallowed hard and tittered nervously.

"Ya know what; Misty Fly and I should really get started with this clue hunt. We'll be back with some cool evidence before you even know it!" she started heading for the door with Misty. Spitfire sighed with relief and leaned back in her chair.

"Thanks," she said with a slightly melancholy note in her voice. She was staring down at her desk again now, and Surprise figured it was best if she was left by herself for a while. She'd heard that misery loved company… but sometimes company could just become forced and tainted.

"Please Celestia, make her happy," Surprise murmured under her breath as she walked down the hall side by side with Misty Fly.

---

The stallion in the police costume strutted down the market street, giving everypony he saw a stink eye as he passed them, enjoying the power that came with wearing this uniform.

"Move along please," Soarin declared in a bold voice, his chest puffed out and his tummy sucked in to make him look more masculine. "can't bear a street dawdler." He ushered a couple of stallions in the middle of the street to the side. "Move over if you want to chat, don't ruin the flow." This was so cool! Like this he could change everything that bothered him about everyday life… okay maybe not TV commercials, but still! The power!

"Should ya really be doing this?" Braeburn rushed to catch up with him. Soarin had brought him along for the ride purely so he could observe how wearing a police uniform could change the world… or at least the street! "Ah mean, you've already ordered a billboard be taken down and made a school close for the day to please the kids. This is gettin' outta hoof."

"Oh you're just jealous my lowly civilian friend." Soarin raised his nose to the air. "The police uniform is perfection with sleeves- I can literally do whatever I want and nopony would care! Heck I could just stand on my hind legs right now and yell "pancakes" at the top of my voice and everypony would think it's some weird police thing."

"Ya do that anyway," Braeburn sighed. Soarin scoffed and picked up the pace since they were almost at Ethereal.

"Hurry up Brae, ya slow poke. We're gonna get it right this time."

Braeburn sighed and sloped along, and by what he said next Soarin was assuming that he was remembering when the time he was first assigned to be Soarin's 'mentor'. "You'll be guidin' Soarin Skies, they said. It'll be easy, they said." He spoke to himself.

Soarin saw a mob protesting by Freddy Fazmare's Pizza, a bunch of ponies yelling and waving signs around. Soarin didn't really look at them but he caught sight of one of the signs saying something like 'close this place for good'. Oh well, he didn't blame them. That place had always smelt a little.

"Hey Brae, check this out," Soarin chuckled mischievously and strode over to the crowd, yelling as loud as he could to get their attention. "Move aside please, you're causing a breach of the peace. I will use my powers of arrest-"

And then two pegasi, a mare and a stallion, appeared on either side of Soarin and put a hoof on each of his shoulders. The strange thing was that both of them were wearing police uniforms, too.

"You're under arrest, sir," the stallion said. Soarin laughed and smiled at each of them.

"Good one," he guffawed. "Where did you get your costumes from; it's fun, right?"

"We are arresting you on suspicion of impersonating a police pony," the stallion told him and suddenly Soarin's face lost its childlike glow.

"It's less fun now." He mumbled, praying to Celestia that this was just some kind of cruel joke that he was the victim of. Soarin grabbed the truncheon the stallion had attached to his uniform and squished it, not denting it at all. "Oh, your truncheon doesn't squeak." The police stallion kept on talking while the mare gave Soarin a glare that could silence a banshee.

"You do not have to say anything but it may harm your defense if you fail to mention when questioned something which you may later rely on in court."

"Real arrest!" Soarin exclaimed with wide eyes. He was sweating by now, and to make matter slightly more uncomfortable, Braeburn was standing a relatively far distance away just rolling his eyes and shaking his head. "I don't know if this is exciting or scary…"

And then he noticed the mare's weapon.

"Gun! Scary!"

And then the stallion snapped his hooves in cuffs and tied his wings behind his back.

"GAH! Scary!" He yelled again before trailing his eyes to the mare. "Though the mare in uniform's quite exciting…" he tried to lighten the mood but then the two pegasi started dragging him away down the street.

"Nope it's scary." He came to a conclusion. "BRAE!"

---

"So you're saying that this is a fancy dress costume?" the stallion asked, writing stuff down on some paper. Soarin nodded and hurriedly explained.

"Yes, I bought it yesterday at that new store in the market," he just wanted to get the hell out of there. The room they were in was small and dimly lit, and all that was in it was a desk that the two police ponies were sitting behind, and two small chairs, one of which Soarin was sitting in at the other side. He then voiced something out loud, which most of the time was never a good thing for him to do.

"Sorry, but does this officer ever speak?" He asked, nodding at the mare. "Because the silent stare is really off-putting." he gulped as the mare lowered her eyelids and sneered at him. Had it suddenly gone cold in here? "Are you suddenly gonna shine a light in my face and I'll go 'You ain't getting nothin' out of me, buster, I'm not snitchin'!"

Suddenly the door to the interrogation room opened and Soarin's earth pony friend entered. "Ah'm actin' as mah friends counsel." He announced and Soarin buzzed in his seat.

"Yay Brae!" He sing-songed in a high, happy voice. Braeburn put his front hooves on the desk and looked down at the cops.

"Officers Ah plead t' yer hearts- this guy's got a second date," he moved around and ruffled Soarin's mane while he made a derp-face. "these don't get second dates."

"Um… thank you?" Soarin wasn't sure what to say to that. Braeburn looked back at the police pegasi.

"So just take pity on 'im. He needs t' be outta here by four O'clock." He made some puppy dog eyes and Soarin joined in, unaware that the two of them looked like a freak show with tails and ears. The stallion officer pushed forward some papers.

"Okay just check to see if all of these have the correct details." He said and Braeburn smiled.

"Nice, we're filin' quickly. And then bail?" He asked. The police pony who thus far had done all the talking spoke again.

"Most likely."

"Most likely?" Braeburn repeated. "But he's never been arrested before… at least not in the past eight years."

"That's not strictly true," the police pony disagreed and looked at Soarin. "You do have form."

Soarin found himself turning a tad red. "Well thank you very much." He beamed, enjoying having his body praised. Braeburn face hoofed and groaned.

"Not a compliment sir!" The mare finally spoke in a powerful and fiery voice that made Soarin freeze in terror. The police stallion gestured for his female colleague to leave.

"Go get some tea." He told her, and she left the room. The stallion then read the papers that were in front of him on the desk. "Quote: I feel confident as Knight Soarin, and flirty as Model Soarin."

Braeburn gave his friend a look, and Soarin let his eyes travel the other way. The police stallion sighed and stood up. "I'm gonna see if I can get our sergeant to talk to you." And then he left. Instantly Braeburn tapped Soarin on the shoulder.

"Quick, Soar. Switch clothes with me," he said hurriedly. Soarin stepped back.

"No! I'm not going around looking like an extra in The Pone Ranger." He supposed that there wasn't really another choice now, though.

"Just do it!" Braeburn began shaking his vest off, and Soarin huffed before taking off his costume. The earth pony told his friend the plan as he whipped his hat off his head. "Ah'll say it was me who was arrested t' the sergeant."

"Brae, you can't!" Soarin was at crossroads. He felt the need to get both of them out of this, but he hadn't got a plan for that! UGH!

"Hey, at least you'll have a funny story fer yer date," Braeburn reminded him of their conversation from earlier and Soarin agreed that he had a valid point. He had to argue though, for the sake of his friend.

"But if you get arrested then you could lose your job." He pointed out.

"Your love life is more important!" Braeburn declared dramatically and Soarin felt tears welling up to fit the mood.

"Oh Braeburn!" he fell to his knees for some reason before taking off the rest of his costume.

"This second date can't go wrong!" Braeburn made another dramatic announcement as he struggled into the costume and Soarin tried to figure out which way round the stetson went on his head. They heard hoofsteps approaching and they quickly dove to sit down in their seats.

Another police stallion, a huge buff one at that, came through and looked awkwardly at the sight. Two stallions in chairs, the pegasus with his vest on back to front and his hat hanging off one ear, and the earth pony wearing a police uniform that hadn't been buttoned up with the tie loosely dangling from his neck. Braeburn, not quite knowing what else to do, spoke in a bad cockney accent.

"Sarge, it was me wot dunnit," he gestured for Soarin to make the next move. The pegasus stood up and strutted out the door.

"You're not getting me to talk cop!" he raised himself to his full height.

"Go kid, go!" Braeburn yelled and Soarin left. Braeburn, remaining in character, leaned back in his chair, beginning to understand why Soarin enjoyed this little roleplay thing. "Now Sarge, I want a weed. I 'ave rights!" he gulped as the police pony gave him a glare.

"Or… not…"

---

"So… what are we supposed to be doing now?" Misty Fly asked Surprise as the two of them stood underneath the Tempest Clouds. Surprise hummed and looked down at her blank notepad. She really hadn't thought this through at all, and she seriously realised now that she needed to! At first she and Misty had scanned the grounds for possible clues left behind, but any fallen feathers would have been blown away by now.

"I'm working on it, just give me a minute," Surprise hated all of this responsibility. She was supposed to be goofing around and coming up with wacky stunts, not this stuff! She was no captain!

"Fine," Misty sighed and sat down next to her. Misty always had a pouch hanging around her neck and she reached into it now, pulling out a cigarette and a lighter. Holding the cig in her mouth she flicked on the switch and lit it before putting the lighter back in the pouch. Surprise watched out the corner of her eye as Misty inhaled, paused and then breathed the smoke out again, seeming to relax. Surprise had absolutely no idea why Misty chose to smoke, especially since it was typically a thing that tougher ponies did and Mist wouldn't hurt a fly unless she was provoked. Maybe it was something to do with stress? Surprise remembered one time when she was younger when a group of stupid fillies had offered her a cigarette; she'd taken one puff and thrown up, so cigs were a big no-no for her.

"So… wanna fly up there?" Surprise asked, realizing that she was attempting to make small-talk with Misty. UGH! Why the hay couldn't Misty just be… likable?!

"Not especially," Misty answered honestly. "Do you?"

"Eh… no," Surprise admitted, not really in the mood for a flight into a dangerous electric storm. "Ugh there's no way I'm going up there after what happened."

"Oh…" Misty Fly said blankly. Surprise tried to look on the bright side.

"Which... is a good thing, because it gives us an excuse to question everypony before we're forced up there!" she made jazz-hooves and smiled. Misty just stared and took a puff of her cigarette again, when she exhaled she looked off to the side.

"Well where do we start then?" she asked. Surprise raised a hoof and opened her mouth to answer, before she remembered a crucial thing.

"I have no idea!" she sat on her flanks, and Misty Fly slouched down a little more, almost as if she were uncomfortable to be in Surprise's presence. Then again Surprise didn't really blame her- she hadn't exactly been friendly towards her, since she liked to limit their interactions, but maybe this could change that. Surprise loved making new friends, and maybe Misty Fly was the perfect candidate for a new buddy. Right?

"So… has Spring Song been questioned yet?" Misty asked. Surprise's face went expressionless as she processed what Mist had just suggested. How the heck had she not thought of that… why hadn't Spitfire thought of that?! It was so painfully obvious that she felt like a huge idiot for not thinking about it like three hours ago!

"Tell ya what, why don't we question Spring Song?" Surprise shrugged innocently.

"Great idea, Surprise," Misty sighed, her wings dropping to her sides. Surprise smiled at her.

"Thanks," she had completely forgotten that it wasn't her idea in the first place. She grabbed Misty by one of her wings and began dragging her along as she blew out another cloud of smoke. "now let's get started on finding Spring Song, and we'll have our answers before we know it. This'll be easy. This is working!"

---

"To staying inside and avoiding public humiliation," Rainbow Dash clinked her can of Colta Cola against Soarin's. She was actually surprised at how well things were going, and it seemed a lot better to be doing this in a place where they were used to hanging out. Man it seemed like a lot of important stuff had happened in this kitchen over the past couple of months… and Rainbow suddenly realised that it had almost been three months! Wow, only a month left and then it would be over… what would happen then? Oh well, she'd cross that bridge when she came to it.

"Anyway, you look cool," she complimented Soarin. He was just wearing his normal officers uniform, but he had slicked his mane back little to make it look cooler, though knowing Soarin he had been trying to go with something a lot more complex and had just settled for this. Soarin turned a little pink.

"Yeah, I didn't get the suit and tie but hopefully this passes as acceptable attire," he spoke in a posh voice as he finished his sentence, and Rainbow laughed as she realised that he almost sounded like Rarity! "Okay, I have a funny story to tell you, but first how was your day?" Soarin asked, similarly to the way a mother would ask her foal about how their day at school was.

"Drills were cool, I guess. Silver's a little bossy but we got stuff done today- he made us do the air obstacle course in formation. When we went through the Wind Maker it botched things up and when that happened Silver made us start all over again! It was so annoying, but I had fun anyway. Nothing better than giving your wings that good ol' burn; I'll be feeling that in the morning," Rainbow Dash explained. She then remembered something that had happened while she was brushing her mane to make herself presentable for Soarin. "You'll never guess what else."

"What?" Soarin asked, putting his can of Cola down on the table as he listened with interest. That was one thing Dash liked about Soarin- he was a great listener.

"Lullaby was telling me about some idiot on the news that got arrested for impersonating a police officer," she was surprised when Soarin didn't laugh but shook it off since she was too busy telling her story. "I mean, Lulls and I were just like 'Local Nutcase Alert!'"

"Uh-huh…" Soarin chuckled silently. Dash took another sip of her Cola.

"But anyway, what's your story?" she asked, knowing that Soarin probably had a great sense of humour. The pale blue pegasus made several incoherent noises before finally settling on one thing to say.

"They weren't my curtains."

"What?" Dash laughed anyway since it was so random. Maybe that was the trick, make Rainbow expect something gut-bustingly hilarious and then spring something wacky on her.

"Long story," Soarin replied, looking red all over again. Rainbow Dash began to wonder just how red Soarin could go, and with his fur being a very light color it just made him look like he was burning up way more than it would on a pony with darker fur like her. So how red could he get… was it possible for his whole face to go red. Deciding she wanted to find out (and wanted an excuse to do this) she reached to the side and kissed Soarin on the cheek, not a peck, but one that lasted a few seconds before she pulled away. The response she got from Soarin had to be one of the most amusing things she'd ever seen. His hoof was still raised, holding onto his can of Cola but his face was blank apart from the pink hue it was gaining as the seconds passed. Oh Celestia this was just too good! He finally said something after a couple of minutes of staring straight ahead.

"Was the curtain thing really that good?" He asked, and Rainbow Dash couldn't keep her laughs in. Oh, how could one pony make her laugh so much?

"Not at all," Rainbow replied with a straight face and a shake of her head, and Soarin grinned, proud of himself anyway for getting a laugh out of the mare. "Anyway this is cool. I love hanging out with you like this," she chuckled. "I remember Rarity discussing stuff like this with Twilight when she started getting a thing for… I don't remember his name; Flash something… real idiot if you ask me." She bitterly thought of the orange pegasus. At least she didn't fancy The Flash- nopony was faster than The Flash, and she'd hate for Twilight to have a thing for someone faster than her. Dumb Flash. "But anyway, Rarity made this sound so complicated, poor Twilight had a nervous breakdown from all the stuff Rarity was telling her about dating," she took a moment to laugh at the memory of her purple alicorn friend breathing heavily and fanning herself with a book. The book, ironically, had been titled 'Color Me Calm'. "but this is nowhere near as tough as she made it sound- she said it was meant to be uncomfortable but it's just hanging out. I've gotta write to Twilight and tell her that she…" Rainbow trailed off, getting a lump in her throat.

"Something wrong?" Soarin asked, getting a worried look on his face. A look of concern didn't suit the pegasus who was almost always smiling at some joke he'd cracked or pun he'd made. Rainbow felt a little guilty and looked straight down at the table.

"I'm just a little anxious, that's all," Dash shrugged.

"About what?"

Oh, she'd had a terrible sense that he'd ask that. She just didn't want to accidentally hurt his feelings.

"I don't want my friends to know that I'm dating you." She admitted, feeling bad the moment the sentence was out. She saw that Soarin looked a little hurt and waved her hooves, shaking her head hurriedly. "No, it's not that I'm ashamed of you or anything- it's the opposite really, it's so cool that I'm dating you- I just don't want them to perceive me differently."

Soarin raised a brow. "Why would they think of you differently? They've known you for years now, right?"

Rainbow nodded. "Yeah, but they've never seen me in a relationship before. I'm just worried that they'll treat me differently once they know we're a thing. I've always been Rainbow "Danger" Dash, the pony that struck out alone. She doesn't need anypony to shower her with dumb mushy love crap 'cause she knows she's awesome anyway, and a tougher pegasus has never set hoof in Ponyville before her!" She had borrowed the last bit of that rant from Scootaloo.

"Wow." Soarin commented, though Dash hadn't finished yet.

"My point is that if they find out that there's a stallion who's more than just my friend then they'll start… saying things and treating me like… not like me," she really couldn't think of a way to describe this, but then again Rainbow Dash was never really a pony who was skilled with words. "Rarity will start talking with me about lame crushy stuff, Fluttershy won't stop gushing about it, Twilight would start giving me lectures on proper marefriend behavior, Applejack… well I guess Applejack wouldn't care, but Pinkie would probably start planning our wedding the second she finds out!"

"What?!" Soarin's jaw dropped. Rainbow snorted with laughter.

"Chill out, Soarin, it's just a Pinkie thing." She wished she could take a picture of Soarin's face right then- it was just priceless. But he really had nothing to worry about, Rainbow wasn't sure that she was a marriage kind of mare; in her opinion 'marriage is the death of all freedom'.

"I just don't want them to treat me differently because I'm dating you. I'm still the same Rainbow Dash but I'm afraid they'll forget that and freak if they find out." It felt good to get that out. Rainbow cared about her reputation immensely, and she wasn't sure how ponies would react if they found out that she'd let herself get involved in something as silly and marely as a relationship. She had often told her friends that stallions were a waste of time and served no apparent purpose in life, and it would kinda be like she was going against a belief of hers by telling them that she was dating the Wonderbolt co-captain. On the other hoof they could be amazed with her and tell her that they were all proud… it wouldn't stop Pinkie from picking out a wedding gift for them but it was the more preferred option of the possible outcomes.

"Well… I don't know what to say," Soarin admitted. "But if you wanna wait to tell them, it's okay with me."

"Thank you," Rainbow moved over and hugged him, grateful for his support. The last thing she wanted was for him to be upset that she didn't want ponies to know she liked him. In a heat of the moment kind of move, and also because she wanted to see him turn red again, she leaned towards him and planted a light kiss on his lips. Soarin tensed up again, and kept turning redder and redder the longer Rainbow held the kiss. It must have been at least ten seconds before she pulled away, and as soon as she did she burst into laughter and fell off her chair. Soarin would have normally been concerned but at that point in time his brain wasn't really working properly, all the energy in his body seemed to have been transferred to his face, which was almost as red as the apples in Sweet Apple Acres.

Rainbow managed to calm down and stood up, walking over to Soarin and petting him on the shoulder. "You okay in there?" she asked, wondering if Soarin could break the record for the brightest blush. Soarin spoke after a few seconds, though he didn't move any other part of his body as he did, keeping it in its rigid position.

"Soarin is not here right now. Please leave a message after the beep. Beep."

Dash chuckled as Soarin stopped talking and patted him on the back. "Okay, here's my message," she rolled her magenta eyes and then pressed her lips to Soarin's cheek. Dash heard him whimper and briefly wondered if he had got any redder. Answer: he had! Finally Soarin moved, turning his head around to face her and gazing at her questionably. Dash snorted with laughter.

"What?" she asked. "If we're gonna do this dating thing then you'll have to expect that from me."

Soarin blinked a couple of times as he processed what she was saying. "Which part, you kissing me or the part where you make me black out?"

Rainbow was about to answer when she suddenly changed her mind on what the answer was. She had originally been referring to the kissing but this situation opened a new door for her to take.

"Why not both?" she asked with a cheeky grin. Soarin returned to drinking his Cola to cool down his blush and Rainbow sat next to him, basking in the amusement she got from flustering Soarin like that. This dating thing was kinda fun if you did it right. The pale blue stallion looked over at her, his cheeks still tinted pink.

"I'm just relieved that you don't think I'm insane after last night." He referred to the Hayburger incident. Rainbow shook her head.

"How about we just forget that it ever happened," she suggested. "This date's going fine, so why should we need to think about the last one?"

And then the cruel bitch that was fate struck again!

A massive police pony flung the door to the kitchen open, Braeburn in a police costume being held by his scruff in his mouth. "Sir, you're still under arrest for impersonating a police officer." he announced. Rainbow whipped round to face Soarin, who looked positively mortified at that moment in time.

"You were the impersonator?" She asked, her jaw dropping in shock. Soarin shrugged.

"I'm absolutely sure I'm not the one who wasn't the impersonator." He used a double-negative to try and confuse her. It didn't work. The police pony dropped Braeburn to the ground and the earth pony let out a grunt as he made contact with the hard floor.

"And for escaping custody; yeah, we did notice that you'd switched places with your friend." He nodded down at Braeburn, who merely grinned sheepishly. After that the only noise in the kitchen was the ticking of the clock and Soarin's heavy breathing. At least things couldn't get any more awkward.

"For the last time, I don't want to get strapped to a table!"

Everyone looked over the counter as Spring Song burst into the Mess Hall, Paradise at her side. They were being pursued by Surprise, who was holding some duct tape in her mouth, and Misty Fly, who looked exhausted by now.

"But that's how questioning works!" Surprise chased the two mares outside. Misty Fly halted when she saw the four ponies staring at her from over the counter and gulped.

"Um… don't worry everyone. This is all under control," she nodded and backed towards the door. "I'll just go get Surprise and-" she dashed out the door before she finished her sentence, clearly uncomfortable in the presence of the police. The remaining ponies were quiet again, and Soarin found that everyone was staring directly at him. Rainbow, finding the whole thing funny rather than degrading, started laughing at his situation.

"Oh Soarin, ya doof." She cackled, thanking Celestia again that she had got a crush on a pony who could make her laugh the way he did. He was such an unpredictable pony but that's what she liked about him the most. Soarin just sighs and shakes his head, looking out at you through your screen.

"Why me?" he asks, but smiles anyway.

---

Endnote: And this two-parter is done! Now I'm not going to write how Soarin gets out of this situation with the police, but the point is he does, so it's up to you how he figured that out.

Also this is a little late I know (because my one chapter a week rule is so reliable) but I have a good reason... actually it's not that good at all. I never thought I'd say this but I got distracted by binge-watching a cartoon! I seriously spent like three days watching the entire Steven Universe series since it was popping up everywhere I went and wanted to check it out. Long story short I went two days without sleeping and SU became my favourite TV show other than MLP. Any fans of Steven Universe out there? :D

Next time on Dashing and Soaring…

"I will be a new me!"

Can Soarin become a mature stallion?

"Behold! I am stallion… and phoenix. Both! But not in a mutant-like way."

Will Spring Song survive?

"Subject refuses to talk, Cap."

"That's because you've taped her mouth closed!"

What's Cinder hiding?

"I need to confess something…"

"Don't we all?"

In the next update…

"Soarin, check out what Ah found!"

"Your brain? It's been so long!"

Questions…

"TELL ME!"

Will be…

"I feel like I'm at crossroads."

Answered.

"WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?!"

Chapter 38: The New Me

Check it out for some more horsing around.

"…and yes, I have indeed lost my train of thought."

Only on FanFiction!