Authors Note: OOOOOOOOOHHH!

*cue music*

Dashie's date is finally here

Doo daa, doo daa

Dashie's date is finally here

Oh de doo da day!

Now this is a little late, but that's only due to some family issues and an unfortunate accident involving a keyboard and a half filled glass of Pepsi… say nothing.

Captain Alaska- Wow, I didn't know it was that good. And that was way too dark to be in a kids show, but accept it as your headcanon if you want. And I've seen you write things better than that.

Dj Storm- Ha! Wow, Rock Star you need to go easy there. They've not even been together 24 hours yet (it's been over a month in real time 0_0) and you're making plans for their wedding! WHOA! And I've always been confused by the concept of the best mares. Is it tradition to have the sister do it, can any mare do it, can there be a best stallion? I MUST KNOW!

Spiralwish- Yeah I didn't expect it to be that long. 40,000 words plus! Fun fact, the draft I wrote was only 2,000 words long! HOW DID IT GO SO FAR!? And I was thinking about the single fanfiction thing when I wrote it, because my brief and depressing experience on FimFiction taught me that if it's over 20,000 words (or in my case 33,000 words and over, but let's not go there) it will mostly get a response based on the length. I was sceptical about it but it was one of those chapters that wouldn't work in two parts. And I've been planning that chapter since waaaaay back in December and I'm pleased it went well. Another thing- Typhoon is my favourite character as well, she's sweet and funny and probably very huggable, and I did tear up a little bit when she died, something I never do when I write. I'm so heartless! I can't even cry when I kill my favourite character! SORRY! And, if you want to know, in the very early planning stages Typhoon was a stallion, but that's been done over and over again to death (sorry, bad choice of words), so I made her Spitz's sister to mix things up a bit, and it made things far more interesting and fun. But I never expected her to come off as a villain, what with her being such a sweetheart, but it's a cool thought. But no, Scotch is in the big house and if he broke out it would be a very crappy prison. And you say I write battle scenes like Erin Hunter… WOW! I'm thrilled *happy dance*. And now I really wanna write a creepypasta with Typhoon as the main character; that would be fun! And I thought Surprise being chubby would just be adorable! I mean seriously, a big fat fluffy Surprise. CUTE! And Philomena was fun to write, which surprised me- I have got to make her return somehow. Sugarplum's swear word was bleeped out since I'm not comfortable with severe cursing online, something I must get used to, but I hoped that people would realise the rhyme without any assistance. Phew. Thanks for the feedback.

Guest- Ouch. But that was my intention, so thanks. :D

Guest (2)- I feared that. At least it wasn't so long you ran off screaming. ^^".

Crickett5- Oh my gosh I'm sorry, have one of my issue boxes since I have some spare left over. Heck I still have all of them since I didn't use any. I was actually the saddest when Honey Glaze died since losing a mother is probably the worst thing that could happen to anyone. But this is a happy (and funny) chapter, so bathe in what comedy I can offer.

RosaSilvermist- Good luck on your search, and as my dad always says: Life isn't fair! Yeah… he's a very strange man.

Luna'snight625- Aw, thanks. It sure was sweet… mostly crappy, but a little sweet, particularly the beginning. I wuv filly Typhoon!

CrystalHeart190- No sweat, I hate me, too. And it's great to see that loads of people love Typhoon. You ever notice that in movies and books there's always one character that seems to get everyone's approval as an iconic character? Well I had high hopes that it would be Typhoon, and I think I was onto something there. And I thought my previous record of 33,000+ was long! (0_0) I've never made so many people sad with what I write, since I'm more of a comedy person than a horror/tragedy gal. But I'm so happy that this is your favourite story; that means the world to me! *cyberhugs* And Spring Song will be here right till the end, whether that's a good or bad thing is up to you.

TheMouseOfAwesomeness- There's my main mouse! And I was hoping it would be the best since I've been planning it for almost a year now (whew). It wasn't as fun to write as, say, chapter 29 or 15, but that's just 'cause I like silly things. Though I'm pleased to discover I can pull off tragedy too. And like I said this was something that couldn't be split in half. It wouldn't have had the same effect, but hopefully one long chapter makes up for a month of nothing.

Litestardt- Whoa your buddies there do like to bicker xD. And I don't recall leaving behind any hints that lead to a possible coltfriend. I did however add in Spitz being uncomfortable around Dash and Scootaloo, and acting strange around Soarin's sister Rock Star… oh, and the fact that she didn't like being asked if she was Blaze's sister.

MidnightBlaze16- I love my references! It's just so fun when people say "Oh I saw what you did there!" or "I love that movie!" it's just my thing. And there are LOADS in this chapter. And I wanna get a theory right for a change (also Starlight Glimmer's gonna go back in time and make it so the Sonic Rainboom never happened so the Mane Six never got their cutie marks. Too far out there? …I don't think so).

YoungBlood23- Oh my God I keep making people cry! And may I suggest a trip to IKEA to replace all the furniture you've probably destroyed.

SnowHurricaneBlue- Hahahaha! I laughed when reading that! Sorry to disappoint you, Snow, but I don't think we'll be hearing wedding bells for a long time, yet… but if you want my personal opinion, get Pinkie to make the treats, her Luscious Orange Velvet Éclairs (LOVE for short) are delicious! And don't call her Spit (but for the record, she'd love chocolate). :P

Now let's get started with this! And I've taken this chapter as an opportunity to give two of the Wonderbolts some more screen time. I don't know why I haven't done this before since they are two of my favourites, but it's time they had some character development! So let's get on with Soarin and Dashie's first date!

---

"WHOAAAA!" Rainbow Dash fell out of bed to the sound of… an accordion playing! "What the hay?" she kicked the blankets off her and sat up, the dorm room still spinning. Lullaby was sitting up in her bed as well breathing heavily from the fright. The purple pegasus grumbled and flung herself off the bed, storming over to the door and wrenching it open. Paradise threw herself inside, still playing the accordion.

"Morning sleepy heads!" she sang and she hopped up and down on her back legs. Lullaby rubbed her eyes and ran a hoof through her messed up orange and blue hair.

"Do you have to play that?" she asked while sighing. Paradise shrugged and sat on the end of her bed.

"I need to practice," she told them, before she raised one forehoof and stopped playing. "Besides, I don't think of it as playing so much as hugging," she then lovingly hugged the accordion before tossing it over her shoulder onto the bed. Rainbow Dash squinted up at the clock on the wall. 5:30.

"Paradise it's half past five in the morning, the bugle doesn't go off for another-"

"Enough of that, Dash, I wanna hear about it!" Paradise tugged Rainbow to her hooves, giving her a head rush. Dash rubbed the side of her face and yawned.

"About what?" she asked. Paradise rolled her eyes.

"About you and Soarin of course. Lullaby and Hinder told me about what happened."

"It's Cinder," Lullaby told her, though this was ignored. Rainbow Dash felt herself blush as she thought of what happened. Initially she thought that it had all been a dream, but it was too clear in her mind to be a dream. Lullaby did the explaining for her, recounting everything that had happened. Why did Lullaby know what happened? Because when Dashie and Soarin came inside after their cuddle on the clouds they had stumbled across Lullaby and Cinder spying on them from the window. The two of them had fallen over each other to get to them, gushing about how they had been watching the whole time. It was actually kind of embarrassing. Paradise wiggled her eyebrows at Rainbow Dash.

"Whoa, you're so lucky, Dash. I never would have seen you and him coming."

"I did," Lullaby butted in.

"It's no big deal," Rainbow Dash shook it off, though she was basically lying to herself. This was a huge deal, one of the biggest deals she'd ever had in her life! She was so excited about all of this that she didn't know what to do!

"You're kidding right?" Paradise asked. "How is this not a big deal? One of the most popular Wonderbolts is smitten with you. That's one heck of an honor!" Paradise jumped on the bed, and Lullaby shoved her off.

"Well I know it's cool, but this isn't exactly serious. For all I know this could just be a phase," Rainbow shrugged. Lullaby sighed and rolled her eyes, muttering something about Rainbow Dash being too self-absorbed to really care about this. Dash gave Lullaby a push and she fell off the bed on top of Paradise.

"I heard that," she told the purple mare, who sighed and stood up again, trying to straighten out her mane with her hooves. The cyan mare began sauntering to the door, figuring that it was early enough that she could sneak down to the mess hall and raid the kitchen without being noticed. "Now I'm gonna get breakfast and you two can stop asking me these questions. Just think of Soarin as a normal stallion, no need to make a big fuss over it. No sweat, just an ordinary man." She opened the door.

"Amen." She added for extra effect. Lullaby smirked and pointed out the door.

"A man." She said. Rainbow Dash looked behind her and saw Soarin, poised to knock on the door that was no longer within his reach.

"A man!" she exclaimed, shocked to see him there. Lullaby and Paradise started squeeing, much to the pale blue stallion's clear discomfort. Rainbow was a little embarrassed that he was seeing her with a bad case of bed head but there was nothing she could do now.

"Soarin, what're you doing here this early?" she asked. Soarin blushed and looked down.

"I um… couldn't really wait to see you," he admitted, and Paradise started breathing heavily, making Lullaby shove a pillow in her face to muffle her. Rainbow blushed as well and shot Paradise and Lullaby a glare.

"So you got up at 5:30," she chuckled. "Soarin, I think I remember you saying that the last time you were up before six in the morning was when you forgot to put the trash out."

Soarin face hoofed and started ranting. "It's not my fault that the garbage ponies changed the date for collection, and I forgot to mark it down and do you have any idea how much trash I collect over the week?" he was silenced by Rainbow Dash punching him on the shoulder and he rubbed it. "Okay I deserved that," he admitted.

"So what did you want again?" Dash asked. Paradise slowly rose up next to her, but she pushed the green cadet back down again. Soarin cleared his throat and tugged at the collar of his officers uniform.

"I was just wondering if you'd like to go out this afternoon?" he asked, sounding nervous and turning red again. "Nothing much, just the Hayburger. A 'no pressure' kinda thing?" he proposed. Lullaby popped up and put an arm around Rainbow's shoulder.

"First date in forever!" She nodded at the cyan mare, whose jaw dropped. The purple mare started speaking again. "She's desper-" Rainbow quickly pushed Lullaby to the ground again with a thud.

"Um… sure, why not?" Rainbow Dash shrugged, stepping on Lullaby's back so she couldn't stand up. Soarin chuckled at the state of the mare on the floor and looked back up at Dash.

"Great, um… 6:30?" he thought of a time. Rainbow Dash nodded to confirm and Soarin started sidling down the hall.

"Okay, see ya later then," when Dash could no longer see him she heard a yelp and then a crash. She cringed at the loud 'OW' that came after it. "I thought we talked to Feather Duster about the wet floor signs!" she could hear him complaining, and then Rainbow shut the door. Paradise started literally bouncing off the walls and then proceeded to flap up and sit on Rainbow Dash's head.

"This is so cool! Spring Song will be pleased, too!" she trailed off. "Ya know, maybe?" she made a bad poker face. Lullaby stood up once Rainbow Dash got off her and shook herself down.

"Okay, now if you need any help we're here," Lullaby looked at Paradise. "Well I'm here anyway," she corrected herself. Paradise landed on the carpet beside Lullaby.

"As if I'm missing out on this!" she exclaimed. "I'm helping out no matter what and that's that."

"Guys this isn't a big deal, like I said. We're just going to the Hayburger," she shrugged. Paradise looked appalled at what she'd said.

"Well you need to clean up a little bit," the green pegasus ruffled Dash's mane. "I'd start by fixing that mess up personally."

Rainbow Dash groaned and grabbed her brush, running it through her mane while Lullaby and Paradise chattered behind her.

"I can't wait to hear what happens," Lullaby said.

"I can't wait for anything at all," Paradise added. "The doctors call it ADHD."

"Oh boy," Lullaby facehoofed.

---

"Brae, you're here!" Soarin launched himself over the serving counter, skidded across the floor, and face planted into an oven. The earth pony looked up from his position slumped on the counter.

"Hey, not now Soarin, Ah'm busy," he grumbled. Soarin rubbed his nose and peered up at his friend.

"Doing what?" he asked while pinching his snout. Braeburn gestured to a dipping bird attached to a mug of apple cider on the surface in front of him.

"Havin' a deep conversation with this dead-eyed, plastic desk toy," he replied. Soarin noticed that the stallion looked a little down, but he was too ecstatic to wait to tell him the news anymore.

"Did ya hear?" he asked, hopping up on the counter and knocking the mug off the side. "Did ya, did ya, did ya?"

"Nnope," Braeburn sighed. "But Ah'm sure yer gonna tell me."

"You bet your butt I am," Soarin confirmed. "I finally told Dashie, man! And she likes me, too, and I actually kissed her, Brae, I finally did it!" he whooped and did a backflip off the counter, doing a happy dance. "And we're going on a date later, and I'm so happy, and I seriously don't know what I'm doing, and I just stepped on something pointy!" he stopped dancing and examined a forehoof, wincing a little bit. He then noticed how silent it was.

"Well?" he asked his Appleoosan buddy.

"Hm?" Braeburn looked up. "Oh, yeah, um… great Soarin, Ah'm happy for ya," he smiled at his pegasus friend. Soarin could see that something was wrong.

"You okay?" he asked, having expected a more enthusiastic reaction from the light gold pony. Braeburn nodded.

"Eeyup," he said. "T'aint important."

"…if you insist," Soarin shrugged, suspecting something else was up, but didn't delve any deeper into it.

"So where're ya takin' 'er?" Braeburn asked. Soarin told him about his plan to go to the hayburger, and he didn't complain; Soarin wasn't a fancy restaurant kinda dude. The pegasus sulked and leaned against the counter.

"Six months ago I probably would've taken her to Freddy Fazmare's Pizza but I've vowed never to return," he huffed. Braeburn raised a brow.

"Isn't that the place where there were mur-"

"Shut up Brae, I have a flashback coming on," Soarin said before the ripple effect went into action.

*FLASHBACK*

Six months ago

"That'll be eight bits, man," the stallion behind the counter said to Soarin after his pizza had been passed onto the surface. Soarin was at the pizza place for lunch but wasn't completely satisfied with what he'd been given.

"What do you think I am, an idiot?" he sneered at the guy behind the counter, who was dressed in the weird apron uniform they had going around this place. "I'm not paying eight bits for some moldy baked bread, sauce and cheese."

"Those were fresh ingredients, man," the stallion pointed at the sign on the left wall. "And the prices are listed clearly on that sign."

"Seriously," Soarin put both hooves on the table. "Do you really think that I have the time of day to read every single sign I see in intense detail?" he asked before sighing. "Look, just give me my bread sauce cheese and I'll get out of here."

"Sure thing dude," the stallion held out his hoof. "Once you pay me the money."

Soarin snorted with laughter. "What is this, a history lesson? Can we move on to some other subject?"

The stallion at the counter was a little ticked by now. "Dude, I'm going to have to ask you to leave," he pointed at the double doors leading outside. Soarin gave the guy a death glare.

"And I am going to have to ask you to stay!" he shot back. "What do ya think of that, huh?"

"That has literally no effect on me, man," the stallion replied. Soarin stamped a hoof on the tiled floor.

"AN INSULT!" he yelled, before turning and marching out of the restaurant with his nose in the air. "I'm never eating here again!" he proclaimed as the doors swung closed. The stallion at the counter wiped the sweat from his brow.

"For that we are eternally grateful."

*END OF FLASHBACK*

"You're an idiot Soarin," Braeburn rubbed his forehead with a hoof. Soarin then pointed at the Wonderbolt badge he wore on his uniform.

"But I'm a rich idiot, and that's the best kind of idiot you can be," he said. Braeburn shrugged and nodded.

"Well Ah can't really argue with that," he admitted. Soarin felt proud that he was able to say something that made sense to his admittedly smarter friend. "But still, Ah wanna help ya out with yer date, so what d'ya need help with?" he asked. Soarin tapped his chin in thought.

"Welp… I was about to head down to the staff room to see if Wave Chill would help me out." This got a resounding head tilt from his wingless friend.

"Wave Chill… why?" he asked. Soarin thought back a little bit.

"Wave and I made a bet four years ago saying that if one of us dated a cadet the other had to be the slave that would help out," he explained. Braeburn didn't look like he was convinced this would work.

"Soarin, he would've forgotten all about that by now," he assured the pegasus stallion. Soarin made a 'tsk tsk' noise and made his way out the door.

"Wave is a stallion of his word; he'll remember it…"

---

"…You don't remember it?!" Soarin's jaw almost hit the ground. Braeburn grumbled from behind him.

"Ah should've bet money on it," he muttered to himself. Wave Chill got up from his spot between Misty Fly and High Winds on the couch and got another mug of coffee.

"We made that deal four years ago, surely it's not valid anymore," he asked. Soarin stood up straight and looked his dark blue colleague in the eye.

"You can't just go back on a deal like that; that's why it's called a deal!" he raised his voice. "I would do the same thing for you!"

"No you wouldn't!" Wave Chill retorted.

"I would too!" Soarin argued.

"Would not!"

"Would too!"

"GUYS!" Silver Lining pushed them apart.

"Where the heck did you come from?" Wave Chill asked, rubbing his head with confusion.

"It's called appropriate timing," Silver snapped. "And could you two keep it down please; this is meant to be a room for relaxing after a huge pile of paperwork gets shoved on your desk as soon as you get in for work," the eldest Wonderbolt complained. High Winds raised her hoof.

"You just got paperwork?" the white mare asked. "You'll never guess what Blaze has to do." she sniggered a little. Soarin and Wave Chill exchanged looks; neither of them knowing what was going on. "I'd actually better go check on her," High Winds was still laughing as she left the staff room.

"Well... that was weird," Braeburn broke the silence.

"Yeah," Soarin agreed. "Who in their right mind would give Blaze an important job?"

"The captain," Misty Fly answered. Soarin chuckled.

"Like I said- who in their right mind would give Blaze an important job?"

"Hey, Blaze isn't that bad," Surprise popped up in front of Soarin, almost giving him a heart attack and making him fall backwards onto his rump. "Sure, she can be a little touchy-feely but she means well."

"Oh of course she does," Misty Fly looked up from the magazine she was reading and spoke in a sarcastic tone. "I suppose that when she asked me if I wanted to bump her fur she just meant a pat on the back."

Surprise turns an incredible shade of red and holds up a sign. It reads:

'Don't look up what that means'

And in brackets-

(please)

"Can we stop breaking the fourth wall please?" Braeburn said, exasperated. Misty Fly sighed and put her magazine to the side.

"I still can't believe the captain's making me organize the next air show. What did I do wrong?" Misty Fly, despite being a bit of a downer, was usually a sweet pony who was sometimes even on the shy side, but even she could get irritated, especially when it came to organization… and Surprise. Surprise usually got along with everypony she met in a matter of seconds, but Misty Fly was a different story. The day that Mist Fly met Surprise was the day of an important airshow in Neighbraska. Misty hadn't gotten to know most of the Wonderbolts and so many of them were strangers still. Surprise and Misty were put in a pair and had instantly got off to a rocky start, Surprise giving her a cheerful greeting and Misty just staring at her hooves. Then about five minutes before the performance Misty Fly had got something that Silver Lining called Airshow Anxiety and had a panic attack, and Surprise could do nothing to stop her, not even with her best jokes and reassurances. Eventually the show had to be cancelled due to a 'Bolt struggling to breathe and ever since Surprise and Misty hadn't exactly been 'buddies'.

"I can't complain," Surprise puffed up her chest. "She said that I was in charge today!"

"WHAT?!" Soarin exclaimed, his jaw dropping again. "You? Wait, forget Blaze, who would put you in charge?"

"What's going on?" Wave Chill wondered out loud. "Blaze is doing something important, Misty has to do a job she hates, Surprise is in charge, Silver's worked his flanks off and it's not even twelve O'clock yet, and I'm pretty sure Lightning Streak's out of sorts with his own paperwork, if this morning was any indication."

"What happened this morning?" Misty asked, standing in between Surprise and Soarin. Surprise cleared her throat to get their attention.

"Spitz came into the staff room and made Lightning do a bucket load of paperwork," she explained. Misty shrugged.

"Well that doesn't sound too bad; paperwork's fine compared to organizing the air shows."

"Mist, this is no time for your optimism," Soarin told the youngest Wonderbolt. Surprise chuckled.

"Well… she sorta shouted it," Surprise corrected herself. "It kinda went like…" the white Wonderbolt stood stiff and shook her mane out until it was spiked, a little different from the style she used in air shows, then spoke in a deeper raspy voice.

"Lightning, I need to rent out the Canterlot stadium for next week. And by that I mean you need to rent the stadium! I want the paperwork finished and on my desk by 5pm and if it's one minute late I will go to the animal shelter and I will get you a kitty cat, I will let you fall in love with that kitty cat, and then on some dark, cold night I will steal away into your home and punch you in the face!"

"Wow…" Soarin scoffed. "Somepony woke up on the wrong side of the bed."

"Actually, Surprise, I think you copied her word for word," Wave Chill told her. Surprise nodded.

"I know. I just took notes from when I recorded it," she pulled a recorder out of her mane. Misty Fly's face was splattered with confusion.

"You record all of your conversations?" she asked. Surprise then pressed a button on the recorder, and Misty Fly's voice replayed what she had just said, getting an eye roll from the light tan mare.

"So Lightning has to do an important job, too?" Silver Lining called from his spot on the armchair. He hesitated a couple of seconds before standing up and leaving the room in a hurry. "Oh Celestia, he's probably making paper planes as we speak!"

"Good grief," Wave Chill exhaled. "The next thing you know Feather Duster will take over the world."

"Hey guys!"

The five chatting ponies looked over at the door where the small dusty grey mare stood wearing a hazmat suit. "Do any of you know where I can find a blow torch? I think the day of retribution is finally upon us!"

"What… Feathers, where did you get that suit?" Soarin asked. Feather Duster tugged at the suit and grinned throw the glass in the helmet.

"The emergency room! I broke into the captain's office and took the keys. Waaaaay easier than the last sixty five times I've tried." She then continued on her way, not realizing that she hadn't got her answer.

"Okay I'm starting to think that Wave's right. Something's going on; today is a total fiasco," Misty mused. Braeburn spoke meekly to Surprise.

"Is the captain alright?" he asked. Surprise shrugged.

"Well… she hasn't been this angry in forever, and she's locked herself in her office," she replied. Misty's ears perked up.

"She's done what? Aw nuts, is it her time of the season already?" she asked. "I thought that wasn't for another three weeks."

"What?" Surprise caught up to what Misty was implying. "Oh, no, this is something else. Don't know what, though."

"Hm… strange," Wave blinked. Soarin suddenly remembered why he was in here.

"Oh, I almost forgot. Wave, I need you to help me choose what I should wear later," he said to the dark blue Wonderbolt. Wave sighed.

"Fine, it's better than any crummy job I could get. At least things couldn't get worse."

"Hold that thought," Braeburn pelted out of the room, looking mortified. "Ah think Ah might get fired!" and then he was gone.

Soarin and the others were silent for a few moments before Surprise broke the silence… oddly.

"Shrimps." She said.

"Well let's go then," Wave Chill and Soarin headed out the door. Ignoring all the chaos that was happening, Soarin smiled at the thought of his first date with Rainbow Dash. And he hoped internally that she was just as happy as him about all this.

---

"That's right, cadet Dash, flex those muscles, lemme see 'em."

Rainbow Dash was not happy.

"Captain…" Stargazer grunted meekly, pushing herself out of the pool of sweat on the clouds below her. "We've been doing wing ups for twenty minutes without stopping," she fell down with a splat and gasped for breath. "Can we have a break... all this stress is killing my vibe." she explained in her hippy-like voice. The golden Wonderbolt commanding them just scoffed.

"No way cadet, I wanna see those bodies buff and glistening by the time we're done here," she declined. Stargazer groaned and face planted the clouds.

"This… is… ridiculous," Lullaby panted from her spot next to Rainbow Dash. "I've never sweated this much in my life," she wrinkled her nose at her own smell.

"You are a natural," Spitfire said to Paradise, sitting in front of the green cadet and nodding her head with satisfaction. Paradise looked up, her sweat ridden mane sticking to her face.

"Thanks!" she said before doing a couple more wing ups. Spitfire made her freeze midway through one when she ran a hoof along her back.

"Yeah… lovely," she chuckled. Rainbow Dash and Lullaby looked at each other, clearly uncomfortable.

"What's happening?" Lullaby mouthed and Rainbow shrugged.

"It's like the whole place has gone nuts!" she said, taking a break from her wing ups. "This morning I saw Silver Lining punching a wall, Feather Duster was saying something about a protection suit… well that's not new, but… I did see Surprise bossing Fire Streak around. That's not her job. Something's up, Lullaby."

"You're certainly not up," Spitfire sat next to Rainbow. "So fix that please," she clapped her hooves. Rainbow groaned and got back to work.

"Please can we have a break?" she begged. A ten minute exercise was fine. Fifteen minutes were a challenge, but this was just crazy!

"Nope," Spitfire just started humming and watching the cadets. "You're all doing a good job," the captain looked over at the group of stallions on the right end of the line. "You guys could do better," she rolled her eyes. And then-

"Gotcha!"

Spitfire jumped as a tumble of water cascaded down on top of her, and every cadet gasped. Rainbow Dash saw High Winds laughing her head off and holding a bucket a few meters up in the air. Rainbow's jaw dropped when she saw that the captain's fiery cutie mark had been washed off and in its place was a flaming horseshoe.

"BLAZE?!" everypony exclaimed. Blaze, now lacking the lighter orange streak she had dyed into her mane and the false cutie mark looked up at her giggling marefriend.

"You bitch," she chuckled, whipping her now wet mane around. High Winds landed in front of the yellow mare and spoke to all of the cadets.

"Imposter!" she declared before bursting into laughter. Butternut sat on her haunches and yelled to the heavens.

"THIS. IS. SPARTA!" and then she fell onto her back. Rainbow Dash didn't understand Butternut; she was into these things called memes but Dash had no idea what those were.

"What was that for? I was enjoying myself," Blaze asked High Winds as she brushed some of her soggy mane out of her eyes. The small white Wonderbolt nodded over at Paradise.

"It looked like you were enjoying yourself a little too much," she smirked. Paradise's face turned one of the brightest reds Rainbow Dash had ever seen, and she only got redder when Blaze strutted over and wrapped her arms around her and she froze.

"Someone's jealous," she accused High Winds before whispering in Paradise's ear. "Don't you agree?" she gave the green cadet's ear a nip and smiled triumphantly as Paradise's wings fluttered open. She looked like she wanted to fall through the clouds and die. Blaze rolled her blue eyes under the shades she was wearing and moved back towards High Winds, whisking her tail under her chin as she went. That was the final straw for Paradise and she fainted clean away. Lullaby could be heard chuckling as this happened, and Rainbow had to do the same. Blaze sure did know what she was doing.

"Stop playing around with these poor cadets," High Winds said to her marefriend who shoved the bucket she had been holding away with her back leg.

"I will. Sheesh. But there was no need to chuck a tonne of water over me," she sneered playfully. High Winds scoffed.

"Well, I did," she took off Blaze's shades and put them on her own muzzle. "Deal with it."

"Ah, you," Blaze chuckled. High winds ran a hoof through the yellow mare's mane.

"Besides," she smirked. "You know how much I love you with a wet mane."

It was then Blaze's turn to blush and she coiled her hooves around her marefriend's back, kissing her uncharacteristically softly. "You have a weird way with words that makes me shudder," she slurred with lidded eyes. Rainbow Dash had a feeling that this was going to go too far if nopony interceded, but thankfully Surprise chose that moment to swoop down from the sky.

"What the- Blaze! I thought I told you to wear your disguise. This is important ya know?" the yellow maned mare landed a few feet away from the embracing couple. Blaze made a 'pssh' noise and flicked a hoof.

"I don't know. You came up to me this morning and told me to dress as Spitz. I just assumed that this was some kind of prank and went for it. It sure was fun," she winked in Paradise's direction, and snickered when she saw the unconscious mare.

"This isn't a prank," Surprise cocked a brow and Blaze snorted again.

"Really? Wow, 'cause I was about to say just how cool an idea this was," she said and High Winds agreed.

"So… what's happening?" Beau raised her voice to get the three Wonderbolt's attention. Blaze shrugged.

"Like I said- no idea."

"It's… not important," Surprise clopped her hooves together. High Winds butted in.

"But you said that it was important like ten seconds ago," she said. Surprise rounded on her and gave her a wide-eyed glare, and High Winds nervously moved to stand behind Blaze.

"It's not- I lied. It's just…" she exhaled. "You two go inside, I'll take over drills," Surprise dismissed her two friends and took the shades off of High Winds and put them on her own muzzle.

"I look so bad-ass," Surprise smiled, puffing up her chest and making High Winds giggle.

"Well good luck with that Surprise; we'll see ya later," she and Blaze flew off. Surprise stood there examining the cadets, and Rainbow Dash looked to the left and whispered to Lullaby.

"Are we supposed to say something?" she wondered. Lullaby shrugged.

"She looks like she has no idea what to do."

"Um, Surprise?" Rainbow called to the white Wonderbolt.

"Hm?" Surprise asked. Rainbow had never known the excitable Wonderbolt to be so calm. Something must have been stressing her out.

"Should we… do some cloud busting?" Lullaby suggested, choosing a relatively easy task. Surprise nodded.

"Yeah, go for it," she whistled and the cadets all flew off into the clouds (except Paradise, who was still unconscious on the ground), most of them lying down onto one of the clouds to catch a breather, not that Surprise complained.

"Okay now that… that's over," Lullaby sat down next to Dash on one of the clouds, wiping some sweat from her brow. "what're you gonna wear for your date?"

Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes. "Nothing," she replied. She remembered back in her high school days that whenever a social event was going on ponies would always be asking each other what they were going to be wearing. She never really understood why it was such a big deal, so she just said that she didn't know yet and hoped that whoever it was moved on to pester somepony else. Well now she supposed that that trait never left ponies even in adulthood. "We're just going to the Hayburger."

Lullaby shrugged. "True. Now that I think about it, it'd be a little weird if you went to a place like that looking all fancy and dolled up," the purple cadet giggled at the thought and wiped her blue and orange mane to the side since it had stuck to her face.

"So… what exactly happens on dates?" Rainbow asked curiously. She had been on dates before, but those were just to old school events, and even then she had just gone with close friends since she didn't want the hassle of waiting for a random stallion to ask her out in the halls. Lullaby looked confused that she'd asked but didn't dwell on it.

"Well… you go somewhere," she tapped her chin and then shrugged. "And then you talk, I guess."

"'Bout what?" Dash asked a second question, wanting to be prepared.

"Well… yourselves," Lullaby started, and Rainbow Dash thought that she could handle that. There was a lot to talk about when it came to herself after all. Not everypony could be this awesome. "Um… you talk about what you like and don't like and… well just general stuff I suppose."

"Sounds easy enough," Rainbow smiled. No sweat.

"Aren't you nervous?" Lullaby asked and Dash scoffed.

"Nervous? About what?" she rolled her eyes. "It's Soarin; I've hung around with him almost daily for the past couple of months. This is basically the same thing- I wasn't nervous then, and I'm not now."

"Wow… I've never met a pony with as much confidence as you," Lullaby commented. Rainbow folded her arms behind her head and lounged on the cloud.

"Well it's hard not to have confidence when you're as cool as me," she was surprised when Lullaby slanted her eyes away, frowning. She blinked and eyed her friend for a few seconds. "Lullaby, are you okay?" she expected a nod, or at least a 'yeah' from her, but what she said made her baffled beyond what she thought possible.

"Why are you friends with me, Dash?"

"Huh?" Rainbow couldn't reply. There were a lot of things she had theorized Lullaby saying to her at that moment, but that wasn't on the list. She could only sit there with her eyes glued to her purple pal, who stared back, her face expressionless as she waited for an answer that Dash didn't have.

"Well?"

Rainbow looked down at her hooves. "Why would you ask that?" she could tell that Lullaby wasn't all that pleased to have her question answered with another question, but Dash couldn't think of anything else to say.

"You're just so cool and self-assured. That's the kind of attitude that all the popular ponies back in school had," Lullaby explained. Dash, being Dash, took the moment to gloat.

"I was pretty popular. No surprises, though."

"Case in point," Lullaby gestured at her cyan furred companion. "But you're the kind of pony that would take one look at a pony like me and think that they weren't worth their time," she sighed and looked up at Dash with big golden eyes. "So why are you different?"

Rainbow understood her curiosity now. She had hung around with those types of ponies in school, and she really couldn't understand their way of thinking. Why would they be mean or ignore a pony like Lullaby or Fluttershy? She didn't see the point. Calling ponies ugly wouldn't make them prettier; saying a pony was stupid didn't make them smarter, so what was there to gain from it, instead of making someone else sad? Did they enjoy seeing ponies upset? Did it give them some kind of pleasure that only they could understand?

"Because I, unlike those kinds of goons, can see past ponies' flaws," Dash chuckled. "You've met Fluttershy, my best friend, so you know just how connected I can be to ponies who wouldn't qualify as cool."

Lullaby nodded and sighed. Dash put a hoof on her friend's shoulder. "I'm going to be honest with you, Lulls, you're not cool," she said. Lullaby scoffed and folded her arms.

"Thanks, Dash, I feel so good now," she said sarcastically. Dash tittered and gave her a shove.

"I wasn't finished. You might not be the coolest pony, but there's a whole bunch of other stuff about you that makes you great. You're smart and kind and you helped me out of a pickle yesterday," she recalled the event that she would really rather forget. "So there ya have it, you're cool in your own way." She hesitated. "But I've gotta ask. What make you ask this in the first place?"

Lullaby sighed again. "Well… you're just so… successful," she said. Rainbow Dash cocked an eyebrow.

"What's wrong with that?" she asked. Lullaby leaned back and looked straight up.

"You're just… perfect. You're the best cadet here, you're an Element of Harmony, you won the Best Young Fliers competition, you've competed in the Equestria Games, you've fought monsters and lived, you're a Wonderbolt Reserve, you're great at tricks, speed and combat, you're going on a date with the Wonderbolt co-captain, and yet your qualifications are almost exactly the same as mine," she made a long list off the top of her head.

"You forgot that I also have my own fan club," Rainbow butted in. Lullaby sat up straight.

"You have your own fan club?!" she exclaimed with raised eyebrows, and Rainbow nodded.

"Yeah, my little sis, Scootaloo is its founder, and her whole school and a bunch of other ponies are a part of it."

"See? This is exactly what I mean," Lullaby raised her voice to get Dash's attention back. "You have all of this stuff going on, and you're pulling it off as if the only way to success is to be confident and flawless."

Rainbow felt a little displeased by this. Was this how Lullaby viewed her? A pony who made her feel like the only way to be the best is to believe you're the best. Because Rainbow Dash knew that she wasn't perfect, nopony was. Actually, looking at her achievements now she could see what Lullaby meant. Oh well, she needed to put her mind at rest.

"Lulls, there are countless things that I suck at," Rainbow Dash began to list those things. "My roommate turned to be a snake, I lost a fight to said roommate, I left a party looking like a walking buffet, I was humiliated in the mess hall in front of everyone, I stayed in bed for a week because I was afraid of being humiliated… I could list a bunch more but we'll be here for a year. My point is that even when ponies seem perfect, there's always something wrong. My friend Twilight is the Princess of Friendship, and even she has some flaws." Lullaby's eyes widened. When she had met Twilight the first time the two of them had hit it off immediately and struck up a conversation about psychology and arcane science, something that interested Lullaby immensely. It seemed hard to believe that a Princess could be in any way… not perfect. "She's controlling and picky… and freaks out over nothing a lot. See, we all have quirks. But they make us who we are."

Lullaby giggled for a little while.

"I guess you can add motivational speeches to the long list of thing's you're good at," she gave Dash a hug, which the blue pegasus returned immediately.

"Heh… I can."

---

"Are ya almost done yet, Soar?" Braeburn called into Soarin's bedroom in his house. He was waiting in the hall outside with Wave Chill, and they were waiting to inspect Soarin's choice of attire for his date with Rainbow Dash.

"Nearly!" Soarin called back. "I just need to make this thing a little bit bigger!"

Wave Chill looked at Braeburn and sighed. "Please tell me it's not just me who thinks this will end badly."

"Nope, Ah'm sure ya have a right t' be worried." He took off his stetson and twirled it around one hoof, rolling his eyes up as he heard a thud from within Soarin's room. They had been here for twenty minutes waiting for Soarin to finish changing and come out. Usually he would have got bored and wandered off by now, but he wanted to take his mind off the problem he was having. He was trying his best not to think about it too much, but he had the sneaking suspicion that the reason things were going haywire at the Academy was all his fault. He hadn't told anyone (except the plastic dipping bird) about what had happened last night with the captain, but he had clearly upset her and this must have thrown her off or something. He hadn't seen her all day and when he went down to her office to try and convince her not to fire him and apologize she hadn't opened up, which he understood. Mostly he just wanted to know what he'd done wrong. He'd complimented her, for Celestia's sake, but she'd reacted as if he'd just attacked her or something. He was just so confused! So he was doing everything in his power to keep his mind off of things, even if he had been a tad worried when he, Soarin and Wave Chill were allowed to leave in the middle of working hours without being dismissed properly.

"Okay I'm ready!" Soarin declared from inside his room. Soarin's room was one of the four he had, and even then he had a whole bunch of other rooms. That's the perk of being the Wonderbolt co-captain for you.

"Finally," Wave Chill stood straight, which seemed to be his neutral way to stand. "Come on out and show us then."

The door swung open and Soarin stepped out wearing…

Oh no…

"Soarin, why are you wearing a bathmat?" Wave asked, looking Soarin up and down. Braeburn buried his face in his hoof and shook his head, praying to Luna that this was just a joke. Soarin was wearing a yellow green and red patterned bathmat around his neck. He was smiling like a goof in a way that made it seem like he had completely lost his mind.

"Ya… ya can't wear that. This is a prank, right?" Braeburn asked. Soarin's face fell and he looked his attire over, not seeing any issues with it. Braeburn sighed. "This is the real world, Soar, ya hafta wear real clothes."

Soarin smirked. "Tell a Marexican this isn't real clothing," he said with a smartass tone. Wave groaned and placed his forehead against the wall.

"How the hay were you smart enough to be made co-captain?" he asked and Soarin thought for a few seconds, his green eyes going into a derp position as he did so. When he spoke again they snapped back into place.

"Not sure." He replied. Braeburn had been discussing the prospect of going to a real clothes store with Wave while Soarin had been changing, and now seemed the right time to propose it.

"Soarin, maybe we should go down t' the clothin' emporium an' see if they've got anythin' you'd wear that ain't retarded." To his surprise, Soarin just scoffed.

"You must be kidding right? Even I know that's a bad idea; Brae, I'm wearing a bathmat." Soarin had never liked shopping, not even for groceries. He usually had to drag himself down to the market to do it or bribe somepony else into doing it for him. "Can you at least see my second outfit?"

Wave and Braeburn looked at each other and then shrugged. "Fine." They both said.

"As long as you don't come out wearing a lampshade hat!" Wave called after him as he closed the door behind him. Thankfully they only had to wait a minute this time round before Soarin burst out wearing…

"Oh my gosh, sir, are those shower curtains?" Wave asked. Soarin raised his chest up high.

"Not anymore, baby, it's a cape!" he swished it around. "Ladies love capes, and now I'm just like Supermare," he added. Gosh, Soarin needed to stop watching so many superhero movies.

"Please don't tell me ya thought that thing would give ya magic powers," Braeburn rubbed the side of his head. Soarin snorted and nodded.

"I can read minds now," he stated and Wave let out an agonized whinny.

"You can't read minds," he argued. Soarin shook his head.

"Yes I can, watch," he put a hoof on Wave's head and spoke in a bad imitation of the dark blue pony's voice. "I wish I had a cape like Soarin."

Wave Chill pushed his hoof away and groaned. "Listen, sir," Wave always addressed those with a higher rank like that. "I'm not one to order ponies around, but we're getting you some real clothes and that's that."

"Maybe I just shouldn't wear anything," Soarin shrugged. Wave shook his head.

"I thought you wanted to impress Dash," he said. Soarin shrugged his shoulders.

"I'm impressive enough already right; maybe I should just go in my uniform, don't mare's like that kind of thing?" he asked. Wave put a hoof to his chin.

"Um… yeah, they do. Or so I've heard, but aren't suits and ties the way to go with this?"

Soarin stared at him blankly, recalling what his entire uniform was made up of.

"Okay, lemme talk," Braeburn butted it. "We'll go find Soarin some stuff t' wear, an' if he don't like anythin' then he can just wear his uniform. 'Kay?"

Soarin rolled his eyes and shook the shower curtain off. "Fine. But I'm not gonna like any of that stuff," he walked down the stairs without another word and his two friends followed him.

---

"Ethereal, huh?" Braeburn looked up at the evening-wear store. It was in the middle of the market. "Weird name fer a clothin' store."

He looked behind him to see that he was on his own. What? How long had the others been gone?

"Soarin? Wave?" he looked around. After standing there (trying to act casual so nopony would think he was nuts all by himself) for a few minutes he finally saw Wave Chill dragging Soarin down the street by his ear. To his surprise, Soarin was carrying a large bag in his teeth.

"What happened?" Braeburn asked Wave, who released Soarin's ear and let the pale blue stallion rub the pain away.

"Soarin wandered into a costume shop and I went after him. I'm sorry; I thought you followed us," Wave apologized to him. The earth pony had a feeling that it was just going to be one of those days so he shrugged it off. He nodded down at the bag Soarin was holding.

"What've ya got there?" he asked. Soarin took out the contents and hummed some introduction trumpet fanfare.

"Why do you need a police pony costume?" Braeburn asked skeptically. Soarin looked the costume over. It looked exactly like the uniform the police wore, and it even came with a (squeaky) truncheon.

"Don't tell me you don't think it looks cool," Soarin looked at his friend expectantly. Man, Braeburn hated that he agreed with him.

"Can we just get this over with?" Braeburn waited for Soarin to put his costume back in its bag and then the two of them and Wave walked into Ethereal.

---

"Wait, what. Was that a break already?" Soarin heard Braeburn exclaim from behind him. He shrugged.

"Yeah, this is from my view," Soarin felt pleased that all the attention was focused on him. Braeburn just seemed annoyed.

"But just then- that was the first scene from muh view since like the beginnin' o' chapter twenty-nine!" he was pouting. "Why? Why is that; that's just messed up!"

"'Cause you're boring," Soarin told his earth pony friend. Braeburn humphed and slugged Soarin in the shoulder, making him yelp as pain shot through his right front leg.

"That was just cold," the Appleoosan pony huffed. "Ah deserve some attention too, right? Someone has t' agree!"

"Well the fact remains that I'm just more important than you, so therefore I have a right to have at least 40% of scenes focused on me," he trailed off before adding. "I'm also funnier than you."

"Ya know what, this has gone on long enough, let's just get back t' this dumb shoppin' trip," Braeburn looked ahead, still irritated that his fleeting moment in the spotlight was gone, and Soarin looked around at the store, feeling instantly… scared.

The store was very big and very dark. There were dim lights illuminating it and all around them were young mares and stallions moving around and browsing while dancing along to the beat of the loud music that blared from the speakers. Wave and Braeburn seemed to think this was fine, but truth be told, Soarin had a bit of a fear of youth. As he always said, teenagers are like bears- when one approaches you don't know whether to run, climb a tree, or play dead.

"What's wrong with this place?" Soarin asked nopony in particular, side stepping out the way of a young stallion who looked like a stereotypical disco addict. He caught up to Braeburn and stuck close to his side, noticing that Wave Chill was nodding his head to the beat of this song… he knew it was from some kind of colt-band but had no idea what the name of it was.

"Brae, I don't like this," he looked anxiously around again. "What is this, a shop or a disco; it's like a Disc-op." He was so nervous that he was making up words now… well he did that when he was feeling okay as well, so it was really just business as usual. "Nope, I can't do this, I feel old here," he turned to leave but Braeburn pulled him back.

"Hey, don't embarrass us in public again," he hissed. Soarin snorted.

"When have I ever done that?" he asked.

"The last staff meeting," Braeburn reminded him.

*FLASHBACK*

"…and that's why we should have more security," Silver Lining finished his lecture and looked around at the others for approval. Everypony was nodding; expect one pegasus, who was sitting on the couch next to Braeburn stuffing his face with pie.

"Well, what do you think, Soarin?" Silver asked. Soarin looked up from his pie, his face stained with blackberry juice and crumbs and his mouth still full. He looked around at everypony, their attention focused on him as he swallowed his pie. He wasn't listening so he said something random.

"Um… I think that when my thighs are sweaty and I stand up it sounds like I've done a fart," he said. Braeburn buried his face in the couch cushion while Soarin sat there grinning.

*END OF FLASHBACK*

"Let's not bring that up," Soarin walked up to Wave Chill, who was examining a shelf of wallets. He saw a mannequin a few feet away and decided to do something funny. He moved up to it and leaned against it.

"Hey Wave, check out my marefriend," he nodded at the mannequin… which then turned its head to look him in the eye. Soarin jumped back in alarm. "Real pony!" he exclaimed. Wave chuckled and looked sympathetically at the co-captain. He slowly backed away from the lingerie-model-pony-mannequin-that-wasn't-really-a-mannequin and moved down the aisle, doing his best to mimic the nods that the ponies these days counted as 'dancing'.

"Shop 'n bop," he muttered to himself as he moved. Luckily these ponies were too busy with their own business to ask for autographs, either that or they didn't recognize Soarin in his blue officers uniform, though Wave Chill, who was wearing his flight suit since he had come in from training when Soarin asked for his help, was getting a bit of attention. He was still baffled by the dancing the ponies were doing. It was no secret that Soarin couldn't dance to save his life; in fact the only time he had ever gotten serious on the dance floor was one time in high school when he had done a dance move he'd made up himself which consisted of him standing on two legs and pushing his arms out into the air, then shuffling to the side and pushing his arms down to the ground. Though when he had done this a bunch of ponies had come over to see if he was okay, and when he asked them why they said, and he quoted, that 'they thought he was waving for help because somepony was dead on the floor'. So, no, Soarin was not a dancer.

After a few more minutes of browsing, Braeburn and Wave Chill finally found a suit that seemed fitting for Soarin.

"Hey, this looks okay," Braeburn held up the suit. Soarin had to admit that it looked pretty snazzy, so he'd give it a chance. Wave nodded in the direction of the changing rooms.

"Go try it on," he told Soarin, who took the new suit and went in. After he had put it on it took him about a second and a half to figure out that the thing was too tight. He came out of the changing rooms and looked around for his friends.

"Brae, I need a bigger size!" he called out. He couldn't see Braeburn or Wave Chill so he just headed over to the trolley displaying the suits and attempted to take the one he was wearing off. Unfortunately, due to its tightness his hooves got stuck over his head and then he couldn't fathom which as his left or right one. His head got wedged in between them and when he tried to pull it out it just got even more stuck. He decided to put it back on and get help from Braeburn or Wave, put when he put his head through the hole at the top he was surprised to find that it was tighter than before… probably because he'd put his head through one of the sleeves by mistake. Okay, now he was panicking… and ponies were giving him weird looks as he sat there with his arms still in the suit and his head in the sleeve. He was like a sitting freak show.

"Soarin, why you?" Braeburn finally found him sitting there, though he stayed a few feet away lest anypony think he was nuts, too.

"Brae, help me out!" Soarin tried to tug himself out but just fell on his face. Wave Chill rushed over and gasped.

"What are you doing?!" he asked Soarin with wide eyes. His expression of shock changed to one of amusement as he tried to withhold his chuckles. Soarin finally managed to get his left hoof out of the other sleeve and stood up as best he could.

"I'm… just modelling," he started hobbling down the aisle, swaying his hips from side to side as he walked. "This is the new… Spastic Chic Collection," he started head-bobbing to the beat of the song, standing beside the model-mannequin-mare-that-wasn't-really-a-mannequin from earlier. Suddenly there was an announcement over the speaker, and Soarin could see a young mare at the cash register speaking into a microphone with some familiar items on the counter next to her.

"Somepony has left a bag with a police uniform in it, and a clown outfit in the changing rooms."

"THOSE ARE MINE!" Soarin forgot about getting the suit off and rushed over to cash register to get his stuff. Once he'd checked everything was there he shoved the mare aside and angrily spoke into the microphone.

"Stop the music, please!" as he said it the store went completely silent except for his voice booming through it. Braeburn and Wave Chill were standing a few meters away, looking mortified, and every pair of eyes was on Soarin. "And can you stop bopping, please? We are meant to be shopping, not bopping!" he would normally have been amused by his rhyme but even he had to take the time to be serious every once in a while.

"And for your information…" he held up his uniform while using his back leg to keep himself balanced on the counter. "This is not a clown outfit. I know it's fairly big, but that's because it's worn by the type of pony who sports something you might not have heard of, called FLESH!" He pronounced it very clearly. "That's flesh. Because we like something called CAKE! Cake; you should try it!" he was seething into the microphone by now. He removed his hind leg from the counter before adding something onto his speech. "Oh, and if you're young enough for fast metabolisms, IT WON'T LAST!" he made that point extra clear. Wave Chill looked down at the ground and Braeburn hid his face in his hat.

"Can everypony just leave, please?" Soarin nodded in the direction of the exit. "If you're heavy enough to make the automatic doors work, that is- huddle together, jump as one!" then a pair of security ponies came over to grab him. They took hold of him and began dragging him away when Soarin stopped them.

"Wait, one more thing," he grabbed the microphone and spoke into it in a cheery voice. "Cashier four, please. I've always wanted to do that," he then let the security ponies drag him away.

---

"So remind me again why ya put henna on?" Braeburn asked Soarin. The two of them were in the kitchen, Soarin with a towel wrapped around him since he'd had a shower. He had rushed down to the kitchen for Braeburn's help after he'd discovered that the bottle he'd picked up to use for some facial hair aid… wasn't for that specific purpose. Braeburn lowered the frying pan he was looking at his reflection in and showed his earth pony friend the problem.

"I used the wrong bottle; I thought it was mustache bleach," he frowned. The space above his upper lip was a raw red color. It looked pretty hilarious to anyone who wasn't Soarin. Braeburn looked at him with an eyebrow raised.

"Because yer a teenage filly?" he asked. Soarin huffed and folded his arms.

"Shut up, Brae; I told you that I'd go to extreme measures to make sure I looked good for this date and I meant it!"

"Just cover it up," Braeburn reached under his hat and pulled out a fake mustache, sticking it over the red spot above Soarin's mouth. Soarin stared blankly at him for a few seconds before saying something.

"How does this help?" he asked. "And why the heck did you have it in your hat?"

Braeburn bit his lip. "Well… it's not weird t' wonder what ya look like with a mustache," Soarin shrugged. He wasn't wrong. "Not sure it suits you though," he added.

"Some stallions just can't make facial hair work," Soarin said. "And by the way, I don't think it would suit you either."

"Yeah, it didn't really look right," Braeburn agreed. "Ah guess we're just naturally handsome," he suggested, and Soarin nodded with agreement. He got up, noticing that he still had a towel wrapped around him and was dripping water over the floor. If he hurried maybe he could make it back to the shower rooms before Braeburn noticed and made him mop it up.

"Welp, I'll just finish getting ready and fix this mess and then this date can commence!" he opened the door and was surprised to see a familiar grey pegasus standing there with a clipboard, her hoof raised as if she were about to knock. There was an awkward silence as Derpy stared at Soarin, clad in his towel (which while we're at it was patterned with little ducks) with a bushy mustache above his agape mouth. You could cut through the cumbersome silence with a knife!

"Um… I've got this month's food supply in the van," she pointed to the doors to the training grounds, though she never took her eyes off of Soarin. Normally he wouldn't be able to tell with her wall eyes but for once they were straight and staring right at him. Soarin felt a bead of sweat run down his face and he gave a single nod.

"Great…" he did his best to grin, but it was clearly a cringe. Derpy cleared her throat, her gold eyes finally crossing.

"So… what's with the towel?" she asked. Soarin tugged at his towel and darted his eyes from side to side.

"Um… this… oh, I'm wearing this because I just got back from… scuba diving," he lied. Derpy stayed silent for about a minute before she smiled.

"Oh, that makes sense," she chirped. Phew. Soarin wiped his brow and thanked Celestia that his dignity was mostly still intact… after he'd recovered it for the sixth, maybe seventh time that week. "So I'll open up the van for you two," she headed off back to the door, waving over her shoulder.

"Okay," Soarin called after her before shutting the door. He then turned on his heels and seized up, gritting his teeth and walking slowly and stiffly. "Cringe walk!" he dubbed the walk, before gasping and standing straight, prodding his mustache with a hoof "I had this on!" he realised with horror.

---

Soarin and Rainbow Dash walked into the Hayburger, the exact same one they went to the day after Dash's accident in the storm clouds. Nothing had gone wrong yet, but Soarin was still cautious.

Rainbow had gone to the kitchen to get Soarin, who was initially surprised to see that she wasn't dressed up. He hadn't expected her to, of course, since she wasn't your ordinary mare, but all his knowledge of dating prior to this had come from trashy romance novels, where the lady had always worn some ridiculously expensive outfit and the stallion looked like a God. Well this is not a story, this is real life! (Somewhere an author was chuckling at that sentence)

Dash seemed calm about the whole thing, and then again so did Soarin. This was his friend Rainbow Dash, the same Rainbow Dash he had hung out with nearly every day for the past month or two. He wasn't sure if he should call her his marefriend yet, he didn't want to freak her out, or himself for that matter.

The two of them entered the fast food restaurant casually, and since most of the ponies at the place were regulars there was no need for any of them to rush over to Soarin and ask him for an autograph. There was a seat right by the door and Rainbow Dash settled into it. Soarin was ignoring the fact that this was a date, just in case the realization leapt at him and made him do something stupid, and so far it was working. He hadn't done anything dumb so far and he planned to keep it that way. He might as well start by being a gentleman.

"I'll get the dinner milady," Soarin bowed and chuckled in a Trottingham accent (and a bad one at that). This at least made Rainbow Dash laugh and she spoke in a better accent.

"You're too kind Mr Skies," this resulted in laughter from both of them which lasted for half a minute before they ceased all giggles, guffaws, snorts, etc.

They had decided what they were going to order before they got to the restaurant so Soarin knew what to do. Soarin had learned from his many years of going to this place that it was best to find out what you're going to eat before you get to the front of the line, because it could be irritating whether there were ponies behind you bugging you to hurry up, or if you were the poor sap stuck behind the guy ordering, listening to him saying that he'd order one thing before changing his mind and then going on to repeat the process over and over again while the pony behind the counter stared blankly at the guy while wishing he or she could just knock them out with the 'Buy Two Meals and Get a Free Cookie' sign.

But much to his luck there was no cue so he could just go ahead and order; hopefully this was a sign that the rest of the date would go well, too. He relayed his order of two large hayburgers with horseshoe fries, onion rings, carrot colas, and tomato sauce. He even managed to get back to the table without anything getting screwed up (dropped). Heh… this was actually pretty easy.

Once he and Dash had settled in, they got to the talking part of the date. It went a little something like this…

"So…" Soarin began.

"Yeah…" Rainbow hummed.

"How's the food?"

"Oh, um… yummy."

"Great."

"Great."

This was followed by some silence. Fortunately this was only a short silence since Soarin figured out that it was relatively simple to talk to Rainbow Dash. He wasn't going to screw things up by doing the cliché First Date Uncomfortable Quietness thingamajig.

"Hey, Dashie, how are you and Spring Song doing?" He asked. From the way Rainbow Dash looked at him you would have thought that Soarin had just asked her how many back legs she had.

"Need I say anything?" Rainbow asked rhetorically as she swallowed her mouthful of food. Soarin gave her a nod and a smirk.

"That would certainly be useful," he told her, being rewarded with an eye roll from his cyan companion. Maybe this wasn't something that they should discuss over a meal- Dash did have a temper when it came to Spring Song, and Soarin had seen many a movie where the angry diner flips the table in frustration. He didn't really feel like having to wipe up a tonne of salad off the floor.

"Um... she's... whatever," Dash shrugged, staring into her box of fries. "She's kinda been ignoring me for a while. She's probably just leaving me alone because the Ray thing's over now."

Soarin felt embarrassed at the mention of the whole Ray incident that had happened last week. He would be grateful if that entire day was wiped from existence... he was still struggling to go places without somepony pointing at him and saying 'Look, it's the doof from the magazines!' It hadn't taken him and the others long to figure out who had sent in the information, and they were going to be punished soon.

"Hey, um... about Ray," Soarin nervously started, debating whether or not it was acceptable to talk about his kind of thing on a date. Probably not, but it was too late to turn back now. "You didn't have any... special feelings for him did you?"

Rainbow was quiet for a few seconds, and Soarin got that feeling in his brain that he really needed to search for appropriate dinner conversations on the internet. And then Dash started laughing.

"Ha! Soarin, you're really thinking that I had a thing for Ray? Somepony's possessive! Don't ya think we need a couple more dates before you start getting all clingy?" Rainbow teased him, and Soarin felt his face go red, a fact that was not ignored by Rainbow Dash. "Oh my gosh, your face!" She looked like she was having the time of her life pointing out his discomfort. Soarin had no idea if this was weird or not but he absolutely loved Rainbow's laugh. It reminded him of a mix between an over-excited filly and an evil psychopath. Odd as that sounded, it was what Soarin liked.

"You're mean," Soarin made a pouty face, which just made Rainbow laugh even harder. If she had been drinking her carrot cola while this was happening it would have been all over the place by now. Again, not really the most pleasant of thoughts. Rainbow Dash huffed and folded her arms, raising her nose into the air and looking away in fake disgust.

"Well then, I was going to pay for dessert but now I've changed my mind," she told him, not being able to keep the corners of her mouth from turning up. Soarin decided to tease her back.

"Ya know there's a word for ponies like you," he started telling her, only to get cut off when Rainbow Dash finished the sentence for him.

"Awesome?" She suggested, clearly picking what she thought to be the most obvious choice. Soarin shook his head.

"Nope."

"Astounding?"

"Meh..."

"Gorgeous?"

"Very true, but that's not the answer I was looking for," Soarin felt pleased to see Rainbow blush this time. And Braeburn said that he didn't have any charm.

"Well, what's the word then?" Dash asked once her face was less pink and more blue. Soarin suddenly realised something.

"I, um… forgot," he looked down with embarrassment. Rainbow Dash sighed and shook her head at him, which was to be expected. But then Soarin thought of a way he could turn things around and use his forgetfulness as an advantage.

"How about we just stick with gorgeous?" he suggested. Rainbow's blush was one of the cutest things he had ever seen, though she was shifting uncomfortably. Was this not something you did on a first date? Okay, no more of these flirts.

"Hey," Soarin made sure she was looking away and did something silly. When Rainbow Dash looked back at him she snorted with laughter. "Have you seen where my hayburger went?" he asked, looking around with the burger on his head. He called this attempt at humor a success! Suddenly-

"Rainbow Dash!"

Soarin and Rainbow looked in the direction of the voice, seeing three mares at a table waving at them. He was surprised to recognize two out of three ponies. Derpy was there, along with the mare who had sold him the police pony costume at the fancy dress store. She was a small pink pegasus with a short gold mane and a curled tail. The other pegasus mare was somepony that Soarin had never met, but she seemed to know Rainbow Dash very well. Rainbow gasped and moved over to the three mares.

"Hey, what're you three doing here?" she asked. Derpy spoke up first.

"Why else? Dinner!" she happily licked her lips and bit into her hayburger, ketchup smearing her muzzle. Rainbow looked at the pink mare.

"Endless Clouds, I haven't seen you since school," she smiled cheerfully at the pegasus. Endless Clouds got up and hugged Dash.

"Yeah, how've you been? I ain't seen you in ages." She slugged the rainbow maned pegasus on the shoulder playfully. Soarin just sat at the table, trying to blend in since the three mares hadn't seemed to have noticed him.

"Meh, I've been okay. How about you?" she asked in return. Endless Clouds shrugged her shoulders.

"I opened up a store last month so I'm fine, too," she said proudly. The mare Soarin didn't know cleared her throat.

"You didn't forget about me right, Dash?" she asked. Rainbow shook her head and hugged her old friend.

"How could I forget you, Golden Glory? I can't forget my number one lab partner. Still working at the Weather Factory?" she questioned the mare. Golden Glory was a lemon yellow pegasus with turquoise eyes and a light and dark maroon mane and tail. Her cutie mark was a green laurel wreath.

"Yeah, I just got a promotion and now I'm only one space away from Head of the Winter Department," she announced. Rainbow Dash tapped her chin in thought.

"Ya know, I thought you would have done something different with that Cutie Mark," she said. Golden Glory shook her head.

"Nah, making wreaths is more of a hobby," she said. "Besides, working in the Weather Factory is kind of a family tradition."

"Fair enough," Dash shrugged. "So, Derpy, just finished work?"

The bubbly grey pegasus nodded her head. "Yeah, I've had a real busy afternoon. I stopped by the Wonderbolts Academy about an hour ago. Crazy place, huh?"

Rainbow Dash chuckled. "You have no idea."

"What about you, Dash?" Endless Clouds nodded at Rainbow's flank. "What're you doing with that Speedsters Cutie Mark of yours? Professional racer or somethin'?"

"Nah, I'm just a weather pony; but I'm training for the Wonderbolts, and I'm in the Reserves, too," she explained. Golden Glory gasped and sat up straighter.

"That's so cool! Have you been in any airshows yet?" she asked, buzzing in her seat. Rainbow shook her head.

"Not yet, but it's only a matter of time," Rainbow sounded pretty determined. "Um… Derpy?" she got the grey mare's attention. She lifted her head and (sort of) gazed at Rainbow Dash with her crossed eyes. "You've got a little…"

Derpy felt her muzzle, discovering a fry stuck to the side of her muzzle. "Oh, thanks Dash," she chirped before gulping it down.

"So Dash…" Endless Clouds twirled her straw around in her milkshake and looked slyly up at Rainbow Dash. "Seeing anypony?"

Rainbow Dash's blush was visible from Soarin's seat and she nodded over at him. "I'm actually on a date right now," the others looked in Soarin's direction. Golden Glory gasped and slapped her hooves over her mouth.

"That's… S-s-s-s…. it's..." she then started hyperventilating, and Derpy had to help her calm down. Endless Clouds beckoned him over.

"What're you sittin' there for, come on over," she told him, and Soarin obeyed, knowing that this could help Rainbow's image. Derpy gave him a smile.

"Hi Soarin, I see you shaved," she smiled. Rainbow raised a brow at him.

"What?" she asked.

"Nothing," Soarin shook his head rapidly. Golden Glory suddenly popped up next to him, hugging him.

"Oh my gosh, I'm hugging Soarin the Wonderbolt," she inhaled deeply. "The rumors are true- he does smell like peaches," she gushed.

"Peaches?" Endless Clouds looked at him with a teasing glint in her eyes. Soarin stood his ground and spoke in a defensive tone.

"Guys can smell like peaches, too!" he had said this to his colleagues many times in the past and most likely will again… a lot. Derpy looked pleasantly surprised.

"I didn't know that you and Soarin were dating, Rainbow Dash. When did this happen?" she asked. Rainbow turned red at the memories.

"Yesterday, actually." she replied. "This is our first date."

"Wow… never thought you'd manage to bag a Wonderbolt, Dash," Endless Clouds leaned back in her seat. Derpy gasped.

"Oh my gosh wait until Fluttershy and the others hear about this!"

Soarin was surprised when Rainbow Dash shook her head and waved her hooves frantically.

"NO! Nononononono," she said. "I'm… not ready for them to know yet," she admitted. "Can I wait a little while?" she asked. Soarin was a little confused like this. He was thrilled about his new status with Rainbow Dash, and he'd tell literally everypony he knew if the situation arose. He would even resort to standing at the top of the highest building and yelling 'I'm dating Rainbow Dash!' through a megaphone. So why didn't Rainbow Dash feel the same. Was she embarrassed of him? But he was a Wonderbolt…

"Oh, okay then," Derpy shrugged, looking as if she would struggle to keep this to herself. Golden Glory squeed and returned to her seat.

"I haven't been this surprised since I won that diving trip last month," the yellow pegasus squealed, seemingly forgetting that she had food in front of her. Her appetite had been completely replaced by excitement. Derpy swallowed her mouthful of Pegapsi and pointed at Soarin.

"You should tell Soarin about it. He scuba dives," she said. Rainbow Dash looked up at him.

"Does he?" she asked.

"Yes." Soarin said quickly, faking a smile.

"Awesome," Golden Glory rested her chin on her hooves. "Where do you go diving?" she asked. Soarin hesitated for a second before replying.

"In the sea," he said simply, rubbing the back of his neck. Golden Glory thought of a suggestion.

"Seychelles?" she said a random location.

"Shells," Soarin did as he was told… kinda.

Golden Glory looked him up and down, particularly at his uniform. Just when Soarin was beginning to feel uncomfortable she said something that made his blood freeze in his veins.

"Hey, I know where I saw you today," her eyes lit up with realization. "I was shopping with my brother earlier, you're that… Spastic Model or something…" she tried to think of the name Soarin had made up earlier.

"Is he?" Rainbow Dash asked.

"Yes." Soarin hurriedly said.

Thankfully they moved on after that.

"So Dash, did you hear about what happened down in Ponyville a couple of days ago?" Derpy asked. Rainbow nodded. During her slump Dash hadn't kept in contact with her friends. Yesterday she had written her first letter to them in a week, and had gotten a long scroll in return from Pinkie Pie saying how much she missed her and literally everything that had gone on in Ponyville for the past week.

"But can you be more specific?" Rainbow asked. Derpy ate another fry before continuing.

"Somepony tried to burgle Twilight's castle," she explained. Rainbow gasped.

"Really? Who?"

Derpy chuckled. "Well it wasn't exactly a burglary… it was just Lyra climbing through the top window because she wanted to check out that 'portal to the human world' Pinkie told her and Bon Bon about. As if there's such a thing as that," Derpy scoffed. Soarin laughed, too. What a ridiculous idea.

"So it was just Lyra being Lyra?" Rainbow sighed. Derpy nodded.

"You should have seen it though. The police were called and everything," Derpy finished her box of fries and moved onto her blueberry muffin. Endless Clouds cleared her throat and nodded at Soarin.

"Soarin was in my store earlier buying a police costume," the pink pegasus spoke directly to him then. "Remember, I gave it to you half off because you're doing a special volunteer police job."

Soarin had… kinda lied because he didn't want to spend too many bits on the costume in case he did end up getting a suit. He really could have just paid full price since he didn't get one in the end, and he had plenty of bits to spare, being a celebrity and all, but hey, more money for him.

"Is he?" Rainbow asked again.

"Yes." Soarin said in a rush. Why him?

"Impressive," Golden Glory commented.

"So, man…" Endless Clouds asked him a question. "…you'd know. What would the Cloudsdale police think of Ponyville problems?"

"Yeah, what would the police say?" Derpy asked. He thought for a second.

"Well they'd probably say…" oh dear. "Every breath you take, every move you make, I'll be watching you."

Rainbow Dash looked down at the ground and sighed. "Don't sing," she pleaded. But it was too late and Soarin began singing the chorus of the song.

"Oh can't you see,

You belong to me.

My poor heart aches…"

"Soarin stop," Rainbow hissed.

"I can't," Soarin was sweating now and he skipped to another part of the song.

"Since you've been gone

I've been lost without a trace-"

"Everybody!" Soarin began backing towards the door as he continued singing. Everypony in the restaurant was staring at him now, but he was unable to quit singing.

"I dream at night

I can only see your face!

I look around

And it's you I can't replace

I feel so cold

And I long for your embrace

"Nopony's joining in," he said, mostly to himself. Almost to the door…

"I keep crying

Baby, baby, PLEEEEEEAAAASE!"

He struck a pose as he finished singing and looked around at the now completely silent diner. Gulping, he tapped a hoof on the ground. "I… I had to get to that bit," he explained. He opened the door and began stepping through.

"Don't worry about dessert, Dashie, I… I understand that it's hard to be in public with this," he started galloping on the spot much to everyone's confusion, including his. "Giddy up!" he said out of the blue.

And then he galloped out the door.

---

Endnote: And here ends the first half of Soarin's Dating Nightmare. Poor guy… but seriously I need to count all the times he's sung. It's kinda like a running gag.

So the next chapter will hopefully have a more acceptable ending since the past three have been crappy, and then we move onto the next story arc. Thank Celestia for that!

Now to count the references in this chapter, we have things from… Inside Out, Five Nights at Freddy's, Glee, Megamind, and 300. If you spot all of them you're awesome!

But MidnightBlaze16 is right. I use waaaaay too many references, but if they add humour I'll take 'em, 'cause I love me some comedy. Surprise, surprise.

Also, I'm going to end this with a question, and it's a pretty weird one. Which actress would best suit Surprise's voice? Since she has no speaking lines in the show we can imagine whatever we want. I mean at first I just heard Pinkie Pie's voice when I wrote her, then I heard Brenda Song, but ever since I saw Inside Out in theaters I've been hearing her lines in Amy Poehler's voice. So who is right for our over-excited Wonderbolt?

See you in the next chapter!

The song 'Every Breath You Take' is by the rock band The Police.