Author's Note: Chapter 30! YAY!

ATTENTION EVERYONE! Okay I've probably got you all now, so here I go on another rant. I've had a couple of people asking me whether the story was over because of the endnote on the last chapter, and as you probably know since you are now reading this it is NOT finished! When a writer finishes a story there is a button on the 'manage stories' section of the website that lets you put in a little addition to the description that reads 'complete'. Look above and you'll see that there isn't a 'complete' up there, meaning that this tale must continue! If you must know there are still like twenty chapters left, and why on earth would I leave the story at such a crucial point? What kind of author would I be if I left you guys hanging like that? A dead one, probably. The 'end credits' thingy was to signal the end of the chapter, not the whole story! So now that that's covered I should move on to the replies, since these rants of mine can get annoying and boring very quickly.

But first, another announcement! Guess whose OC's were featured in one of the most epic MLP stories of all time: FALLEN EAGLE! Seriously, this story is one of the best I've ever read, so go check out Captain Alaska and this awesome story right now if you haven't already! You have no idea what you're missing!

Captain Alaska: New best punch! Besides fruit punch of course; that stuff is good!

Dj Storm: Extra emphasis on 'weirdness' there, I suppose.

Hudsoda: Whoa, maybe you should see a doctor about that. And that reaction is exactly what I was going for; Soarin is great and all, but he's also Equestria's number one goofball!

Litestardt- Wowzers, I had no idea Rainbow Dash liked being petted so much. If ponies could purr, that's what she would be doing. And you'll see Rainbow Dash's reaction in about… well, however long it takes to get through these replies.

Spiralwish: THANKS! And that's happened to me before, the odd mom-look thing… more than once, to be honest. And that last song, probably one of the funniest moments in the whole story I'd reckon, not to toot my own horn or anything. Anyway, the wait is now over and you can proceed to find out how things will turn out.

YoungBlood23- Try writing all the jokes without laughing… it's hard, I'll tell ya that. And I'm sure Soarin would appreciate a hug right about now.

Sparkling-nexis137- Stunned to silence… I've never done that to anyone before; I don't know what to feel right now! And you don't have to slink around me, so stand straight, Nexis!

RosaSilvermist- *calls up to rocket* THANKS! And don't worry about Spitfire, I gave her some chocolate and now she's sulking somewhere. Surprise just tried to turn her frown upside down by literally dangling her upside down… yeah, it wasn't pretty. I don't know if she was angrier at Surprise because she was swinging her by her back hooves or because she was wearing one of those SpitBurn T-shirts... and I would love to see your SpitBurn shrine! :D

Surprise: OOOH! I never thought about forming a club before! That sounds like fun! We could come up with a cool name for ourselves and then bake eachother cupcakes, and make our own Tumblr! But seriously, we need a cool name! Hmm…

Tycser- Well the chapter was supposed to be a little different. I like to call it The Farce Chapter (if you don't know what a farce is, look it up), and I just really wanted to try out a serious comedy… well, it was anything but serious. And this random mare was just for that chapter because I loved the idea of Soarin and Braeburn forcing some poor unfortunate soul to help them out against their will. Seriously, the idea of somepony simply going to the bathroom and winding up helping some lunatic stallions is funny! But if I find a way to get her back into the story, I will, because I think she's become one of my favourite characters!

Psychopathic Potato- Thanks for reading. And I love your avatar by the way; Foxy is the best animatronic!

The Super Saiyan 3- I am absolutely flattered that you love this story so much. I'm smiling so much I'm getting a jaw cramp. ^^

MidnightBlaze16- HA! Oh my gosh that is totally what she would write! Wonder what the response would be?

Twilight: Dear Rainbow Dash,

Is there something you aren't tell- "RARITY! Give me back the quill!"

Rarity: TELL ME EVERYTHING NOW!

Luna'snight65- Yeah, I had a feeling that some people would get hyped up because of the chapter name… aw, now I feel like a huge jerk.

Guest: I bloody hope not! Surprise is the last thing I want inside of me… except the Ebola virus, of course, and bubonic plague.

And here we go! What's happening now…?

---

"Rainbow Dash, please get up," Lullaby weakly grumbled as she shook her rainbow maned friend, who had her face buried in her pillow. "You can't stay in bed forever. It's been a week since you've left the room; that's probably an Academy Record," the purple mare sat on the edge of the bed and rubbed her eyes, still struggling to get the sleep out of them. Rainbow Dash refused to budge from the position she was in.

"I'm not getting up," she groaned in the exact same way a filly would when her mother would force her to get up for school. Lullaby face hoofed and slowly slid her hoof down her face, letting out a long, low moan. Rainbow Dash wasn't exactly comfortable with her face pressed into the pillow, since it kinda stopped her from breathing a little, but she balanced out her options. Suffocating and suffering a fluffy death… or going out and facing all the gossip, and most possibly Soarin… nope, pillow= good.

"Well you're going to have to leave at some point; you just have to!" Lullaby looked over at the door. Rainbow stubbornly shook her head; if her arms weren't spread out to her side and her chest wasn't against the mattress she would have folded her hooves for extra effect. "Rainbow Dash, if you don't get out of bed right now I'll drag you out myself, and there is nothing you can do to stop me!" Lullaby declared, raising herself to her full height and using her most threatening voice. In silent protest, Rainbow Dash rolled over, wrapping the blanket around her like a cocoon so Lullaby wouldn't be able to get to her. She heard the purple pegasus growling. "Why do you have to be so difficult?" she seethed, stomping her hooves with intense frustration. The only answer Lullaby got was a shrug. Rainbow heard Lullaby give out a lengthy sigh, and the noises that followed after suggested that Lullaby was getting changed into her cadet's uniform.

"I hope you're happy!" she snapped at Rainbow Dash. "All week Spitfire's been nagging me about when you're gonna get back out there, and she'll be at my throat for sure today! Just get over yourself and drag your sorry butt out into the training grounds!" she was almost ordering Rainbow Dash now.

"No." Rainbow replied.

"GRRRRRRR!" Lullaby stormed out of the room and slammed the door, making the walls shake and causing one of Lullaby's Harry Trotter posters to fall off the wall. As soon as Rainbow Dash couldn't hear her hoofsteps anymore, she rolled herself out of the blanket, which was getting kinda warm, and sat up straight, getting a small head rush in the process. Oh well, she might as well have a walk around the room. For the past week she had either slept, read or paced back and forth trying to get a grip on what was happening; in short she had barely got out of the bed for seven days. She hopped off the mattress onto the blue carpeted floor and slunk over to the full length mirror by the door, her hooves scraping against the soft ground. When she caught sight of her reflection for the first time in days her eyes almost popped out of their sockets.

She was a wreck!

Her eyes had dark patches around them, her feathers were ruffled in directions she didn't know feathers could point in from where she hadn't preened them in forever, and her mane looked like there was a family of birds roosting in it. Maybe she did need a groom after all. Grabbing her hair brush she lazily ran it through her tangled, multi-coloured mane, wincing a couple of times as the brush snagged and pulled at her mane. Why did she have to be so distracted? Once her mane was presentable (well more presentable than it had been for the past week anyway) she moved onto her wings, straightening out her feathers and trying not to get too distracted and swallow one. Any pegasus could tell you that swallowing a feather was not a pleasant experience.

After she had finished preening, not exactly putting much effort into it since she was emotionally traumatized, she dragged herself back over to the bed… mostly. She didn't even make it to the bed before she let her legs buckle underneath her and she fell to the floor, only her head coming to a rest on the mattress. Man, she really needed to make the bed. She tried getting up but found that her limbs were pretty heavy, kinda like there were four lead pipes attached to her torso instead of legs. Finally she just sighed and gave in, staring straight ahead at the wall. For what felt like the quadrillionth time she found herself rerunning the events of last week in her head.

First she discovers that she has some freaky thingamabobs for Soarin, then she tries her best to get used to them, and then Soarin goes ahead and says that he likes her, too! In front of everypony! It was very rare that Rainbow Dash found herself embarrassed, but that probably topped her list of most humiliating moments. After Soarin had yelled out his confession she had just froze. She knew the moment would eventually have to come where she confronted Soarin with these kinds of things, but not in even her wildest imaginings had she thought it would have to be in front of almost everypony at the Academy.

When he had said it she completely forgot how to speak; she had rehearsed what she was going to say in her head quite a few times but suddenly her brain stopped working. She didn't know if it was from the sudden loss of her dignity or the fact that she knew that Soarin actually liked her, too, but either way she was mortified that she was standing in the mess hall with literally everypony staring right at her. At that moment she totally understood how Fluttershy had felt that time in flight camp when she had been bullied by those fillies and colts for her inability to fly, and when she had been afraid of participating in making the hurricane when they had to funnel water up to Cloudsdale. Her heart had sped up and she had begun to hear it pounding in her head, and since it was the only sound being made it just made everything all the more petrifying.

She should have said something, she knew that perfectly well, but with everything happening all at once she couldn't bring herself to. In truth she had just felt pressurised by all of this. She had just now realised that she had a thing for Soarin, and suddenly out of the blue he was not only just telling her, but also telling everypony in the friggin' room, too! She just couldn't take all of it at once; she was the fastest, coolest and bravest pony in all of Equestria, but suddenly every ounce of her courage had been sapped right out of her.

When he had left she had felt overwhelmingly guilty about everything. And then she had been the sole thing that everyone was looking at. Then, still not saying anything, she had bolted out into the training grounds and went the long way round to her dorm room. She had shut herself in there and hadn't left since. Lullaby brought her breakfast, lunch and dinner, along with occasional messages from the other cadets saying they wanted her back out there with them. Well she would be quite content with never leaving this room again if she had the option, and wished she could say that to the others' faces… but that would mean facing them. She wasn't sure what she was afraid of; maybe it was her crush on Soarin damaging her ego, or maybe it was because she was afraid of being reminded of the awkwardness of the incident.

Everything was so confusing now!

Rainbow Dash grabbed a pillow and slammed it over her head, screaming into the mattress so it would be muffled. If life had a reverse button she would go back in time and make sure none of this ever happened.

UGH! Why had everything just gone so wrong?!

---

"Soarin totally dropped the ball on this one," Spitfire grumbled as she followed the cadets into the mess hall with Surprise bouncing next to her, seeming cheerful despite the situation.

"I don't remember any balls being involved," the white mare put a hoof to her chin. Spitfire gritted her teeth and growled at her friend's idiocy.

"No, you complete halfwit; it means that he messed up!" she explained. Surprise let out a long 'ooooooooooohhhhh' and hopped over to sit at the Wonderbolt's table, which was isolated right now; a pretty rare occurrence. Spitfire sat next to Surprise and absentmindedly twirled her tie around her hoof. It had been a long, confusing week for her; she was dealing with a cadet who refused to train no matter how many times she tried to get Lullaby to drag her out of their room, and a co-captain that wouldn't come to work!

"We need a plan," Spitfire finally sighed. Oh, how she hated the P-word. She looked over at her companion and it took her about half a second to figure out that she needed somepony with more intelligence to help her out with this. Maybe a few of the cadets could help her out? Angling her ears towards a group of cadets, she saw four of them talking, Lullaby, Spring Song, Paradise, and…why could she never remember the blue one's name?!

"She's still not coming out?" the small blue one in question asked Lullaby, who nodded slowly.

"I'm getting a little worried about her," the purple mare admitted. "She's worried about Soarin, I can tell, but she won't admit she likes him too because of her stupid ego. If you ask me it's already too big," Lullaby huffed. Spring Song stuck her nose in the air.

"Finally, somepony agrees with me!" she smirked. The blue cadet cleared her throat.

"Well… um… you're not much better, Spring Song," she said quickly, before taking a few steps back and dipping her head, looking like she wished she could take that back. Spring Song glowered down at her.

"Stay out of this, um…" the pink cadet trailed off.

"Cinder," the blue mare groaned. Spitfire felt relieved that she wasn't the only pony who forgot Cinder's name on occasion. She didn't speak up as much as the other cadets, so she wasn't all that recognisable… which should be recognisable in itself, come to think of it.

"Whatever," Spring Song turned her attention back to Lullaby. "What's the point of forcing her to come out anyway?" she asked. "If she doesn't want to leave the room we should just leave her in there, right?"

"Spring Song, don't help," Lullaby flattened her ears and snarled at the pink pegasus. Spitfire decided to butt in to get those four to help out.

"Could you four come over here a sec?" she called over to them. The cadets obediently trailed over to the Wonderbolt's table and sat down, Paradise looking the most honoured to be sitting in the same seat that her heroes had sat in before her. She was practically buzzing with happiness. Surprise straightened herself up, just like she always did when she got the feeling something important was about to happen.

"What is it ma'am?" Lullaby asked, though judging by the look on her face she already knew what the question would be.

"Are you or are you not any closer to getting Rainbow Dash outta that room?" the captain asked, folding her hooves. Lullaby gave a small eye roll since she was tired of being asked this before answering.

"No. She won't even get out of bed."

This was just getting out of hoof now! She had warned Soarin about this but since then things had only gotten worse. Misty Fly had told her about what happened in the mess hall that had caused all of this and she had actually felt sorry for both of them, not being able to imagine how embarrassed both of them must have been. But she had to stop feeling sorry for them now because if Rainbow Dash didn't start training again it could take a serious toll on her final result, which could put a damper on her dream to become a Wonderbolt. And if Soarin didn't come back to work there would be problems with paperwork, airshow's, and- okay, stop thinking about it! Since he had been absent Silver Lining had been stepping in as co-captain, even though he had been reluctant at first since he had originally declined the position of co-captain many years ago since he hated the idea of filling in the high positions, not that Spitfire had a problem with that because Silver Lining was brilliant when it came to the cadets' combat training.

"Uuuuuggggggghhh," she moaned, rubbing her temples roughly. "Okay, as much as I hate to say it, you need to come up with some way to get her out of there. Use brute force for all I care but if she stays in there any longer it's gonna hurt her Academy performance," she wanted the others to be aware of how dire this was. They seemed to get the message. Spring Song stood up from the table.

"Okay well Lullaby and Tinder-"

"Cinder," the blue cadet groaned, putting her chin on the table and letting her ears droop.

"That's what I said!" Spring Song snapped. "Those two can get down to that but I'm gonna go to the spa. Coming, Paradise?" she asked her green friend, making her way towards the training ground doors. Paradise leapt up from her seat and followed suit, looking perkier than ever.

"Yes, O awesomest one," she held the door open for her pink friend, who walked outside without even saying thank you- not that Paradise even cared. Spitfire did not like Spring Song at all; she was a dumb, mean, slightly bitchy cadet that liked to show off and belittle everypony else. Plus, she had antagonised Rainbow Dash on more than one occasion, which just added to how much the captain despised the blonde devil-mare. Spring Song was lucky that Spitfire hadn't tied her up and kicked her off the edge of Cloudsdale… not that she'd planned that while she was bored during drills…

Suddenly, Spitfire realised something. "Hey, I haven't checked up on Soarin's state for a while. Cinder, would ya mind getting Cowboy outta that kitchen for a minute?"

"Yes, ma'am," Cinder saluted before hopping down from the chair in that cute little way of hers and making her way over to the serving counter. Lullaby, clearly confused, looked over at Surprise.

"Cowboy?" she asked with one raised eyebrow. Surprise nodded.

"Yep-a-rooni," she then put an arm around Spitfire's shoulder and hugged her, much to the captain's displeasure. "It's Spitfire's pet name for her hubbie," Surprise teased, slitting her eyes and giving her golden friend a troll-like smirk. Spitfire felt alarms go off in her head and she pushed Surprise off her, making the white Wonderbolt topple off her seat.

"Shut up, Surprise, I don't like him!" she snarled down at her friend, who was still giggling even though she'd just face-planted the floor. Lullaby had her lips pressed tightly together and the corners of her mouth were pointed up as if she was trying her best not to laugh. Spitfire couldn't understand why these ponies didn't seem to process what she was saying. Did they have some sort of brain disorder that made them hear the opposite of what she was telling them or something? She glanced over at Cinder, who had flapped a few feet into the air so she could look over the serving counter.

"Braeburn, could you come out here a second?" she called into the kitchen.

"Not right now Cindy, Ah'm busy," came the accented reply.

"You really need to-"

"In a minute!" Braeburn interrupted her. Cinder growled lowly.

"But Captain Spitfire wants to talk to you!" she yelled. That was when the earth pony emerged through the kitchen door quickly, darn near knocking it off its hinges at the speed he was moving at, and moved to stand next to Cinder.

"Present!" the light gold stallion announced, saluting and accidentally knocking his stetson off his head, much to his obvious embarrassment.

"Pfft."

Spitfire slanted her eyes to the side to see a giggling Lullaby, who quickly shut up when she noticed the death glare the captain was giving her, putting her arms behind her back and looking at some invisible thing to her right. Once she was sure that everypony was focused again, she addressed the flustered looking earth pony.

"So, what's the deal with Soarin now?" she asked him as Cinder fluttered up to put his hat back on his head, playfully pulling it over his eyes in the process.

"He still won't leave his house," Braeburn replied, straightening his stetson. "When Ah call 'im he don't reply an' it goes t' a recorded message," he cleared his throat. "You've reached Soarin's place but I'm not here right now… or am I?" he quoted. "If you're that pie delivery place then I'll pay you back when I can, and if you're calling about the mini-fridge it's already been sold."

"Soarin is all kinds of messed up," Spitfire commented, her ears drooping. She took off her shades and spoke out to the four other ponies. "Okay, since those two aren't going to come out of there by themselves we're gonna have to interfere," she declared. Surprise bounced up and down, having just got up from the floor at last.

"Oooh, I love messing with other ponies' lives!" she cheered.

'That explains a lot," the pony in Spitfire's head muttered.

"Okay, if we plan this right we'll be able to get them the heck outta their 'hideaways'." Then came the bad part. "But they're gonna have to come to terms that they live in the same world as eachother, so we need to deal with that, too. All we need is a good idea," she looked at Lullaby and Braeburn in particular since they seemed to be pretty… normal. Unfortunately, Surprise was the one who spoke up.

"Pick me, pick me, pick me!" she hopped up and down, stretching one of her forehooves as far as it would go.

"Someone else, someone else," Spitfire's conscience prayed. But since nopony else seemed to have come up with something there was only one real option.

"Go ahead, Surprise," Spitfire knew that she was going to regret it.

"We're gonna tie Soarin up and fire him out of a cannon so he crashes right into Rainbow's room, and then when he hits Dash he'll break all four of her legs and her wings so she won't be able to escape and then we'll force the two of them to get on good terms again and then they'll live happily ever after!" she plotted before pulling something out of her mane and putting it on her head. "I'll wear this bowler hat." She chuckled in a shady manner whilst rubbing her front hooves together and putting on her most evil smirk, which just looked silly.

Why…?

'This is exactly why you should never listen to Surprise!'

"No, that's not it," Spitfire frantically looked at all the other ponies, practically begging them to come up with something.

"I've got another idea," Surprise raised her hoof. "I can get a gospel group to sing something that'll inspire Soarin to make things right with Dash again," she suggested before Spitfire could tell her to shut it. The golden mare just stared at her nutty friend for a few seconds, briefly wondering how it was possible for someone to be so dumb before putting her head on the table and mumbling to herself.

"One good idea, just one good idea…" she sighed.

"Wait, how were you gonna get a gospel group?" Lullaby asked. Surprise just shrugged and grinned.

"Feather Duster knows a guy," she revealed, and Lullaby nodded as if it were a typical thing.

"We could just persuade them politely?" Cinder piped up quietly, putting her front hooves on the table and hoisting herself up to sit on the surface; she naturally had to do this so she was able to see everyone properly. She even had to sit on the table to eat due to her diminutive size. Spitfire tried her best to remain calm.

"Still rolling out all the bad ideas, that's okay," she was telling herself that as much as anypony else. "But we need a good one!" she raised her voice a little. "And it needs to be something normal enough that I don't lose my mind, and so far out there that it's within their boundaries… well, Soarin's anyway," she knew how stupid the blue stallion could act, especially when he was in a state of misery, which thankfully wasn't often.

"But I've always wanted to fire Soarin out of a cannon," Surprise stuck out her bottom lip. Spitfire took a few deep breaths and patted Surprise on the shoulder.

"Okay, still going through the bad ideas, that's all good," she clenched her hooves, feeling an anger management themed issue arising.

"Um… Ah've got an idea," Braeburn raised his hoof slightly from his spot next to Cinder, who was looking a little disappointed that her idea had been a bust. Not even looking over at him, Spitfire groaned and replied.

"Well, what is it then?" she asked. It couldn't possibly be worse than all the other ideas, especially Surprise's first one. The earth pony patted Cinder on the shoulder to perk her up before revealing his plan.

"If there's anythin' Ah've learned 'bout Soarin it's that he'll do pretty much anythin' fer Rainbow Dash. So if he hears that she's all sad an' won't leave 'er room he'd be over 'ere in a flash. Ah'm pretty sure the same routine would work fer Rainbow, too, so when they each hear how muddled up the other is, they'll meet halfway an' reconcile," he explained. Spitfire straightened herself up, her negative response already scripted out in her head.

"That's the most stupid…" she realised what he'd said. "Actually, that's not a bad idea," she corrected herself. She refrained from adding 'Finally, someone normal' at the end since she figured that would insult Lullaby and Cinder.

'So what?' her little pony quipped.

"Spitz?" Surprise tapped the captain's shoulder.

"What is it?" Spitfire sighed, limply tipping her head to the side.

"Can I still wear the bowler hat?" Surprise asked. Grunting with irritation, Spitfire slapped the hat off Surprise's head and the white pegasus let out a disappointed 'aw man.'

"Okay, like I said before, you two-" she looked from Cinder to Lullaby. "-are gonna deal with Rainbow Dash. Tell her how Soarin's doing and if Cowboy's analysis is correct she'll get out of that room at last. The three of us-" she said to Surprise and Braeburn. "-are heading over to Soarin's to make sure he gets the message, too," Spitfire gave the ponies their orders. "Move it," she said to the two cadets. Lullaby and Cinder saluted before making their way out of the mess hall. Spitfire signalled for Surprise and Braeburn to follow her out into the training grounds.

"So what are we actually gonna say to him?" Surprise asked as she closed the double doors behind her, flexing her wings in and out again a couple of times to stretch them.

"Not sure." Spitfire replied honestly. "I'll figure something out while we're flying to Soarin's."

"Um, Spitz, I'm not sure if you've noticed but…" she put a hoof around Braeburn's shoulders. "One of us can't fly."

Within moments Spitfire had a solution.

"Well, you have wings. Carry him," she said to the white Wonderbolt, who rolled her eyes.

"Don't you-"

"Let's go!" Spitfire cut her off since she was pretty sure she knew what Surprise was going to say. And the answer was NO! She flew slowly until Surprise caught up to her with Braeburn seated on her back. Braeburn was quite a bit bigger than Surprise, but thankfully, pegasi were built for carrying a lot of weight.

"All set, Cap-a-rooni!" Surprise chirped, flying in a loop-the-loop and getting a squeal out of the earth pony on her back. When Surprise started flying straight again, Braeburn was clinging to her back as tightly as he could, visibly shaking.

"Please don't do that again," he pleaded, adjusting his stetson, which was hanging off one of his ears.

"Heh… sorry," Surprise apologised, looking a little sheepish. Spitfire cleared her throat to get their attention.

"Will you stop goofing around; I've had enough crazy for one day!" she said to them. "Now let's move 'em out!" She picked up speed and whizzed through the sky with Surprise at her side. Well, she figured that today couldn't get any crazier than it already had…

Boy was she wrong.

---

Endnote: Sorry that this took so long, especially since it was a short chapter, but I did suffer a little writer's block with this. Anyway, the next chapter is a pretty long one, so that's my excuse if that one's late, too. But I'm sure that most, if not all, of you will like what I have planned.

BUT FOR NOW YOU MUST WAIT! *evil laughter*