Authors Note: Oh my gosh, Appleoosa's Most Wanted was super-ultra-extreme-awesomazing! What did you guys think?

Captain Alaska- Top Gun references are best references.

RosaSilvermist- I actually haven't seen Surprise today but I guess-

Surprise: [pops out of cactus plant and scares the hell out of me]

Holy mother of Celestia, Surprise, get out of my plant… wait a sec I don't even have a plant!

Surprise: Neat, huh? Paradise taught me that trick. Sorry, but I almost got caught selling this stuff last time and I don't wanna take any more chances. [Pulls crate out of plant somehow] Rosa, here's my entire stock of SpitBurn water bottles; you need to get out of here before Spitz catches you. If she does, get to the nearest train station and follow the train tracks north. You should hit Ackerton by sundown. Blend in, it's a college town. Get a retail job and save up enough cash for a bus ticket to the Canadian border. Somepony will get in touch with you when the coast is clear. Now I've gotta hide again.

Surprise, go home!

Dj Storm: Not long now, I Pinkie Promise.

Litestardt- Oh, Dashie's feeling a little embarrassed right now, but she did want to give you a first aid kit for that bite of yours.

Tycser- The same mare who destroyed some of the Weather Factory to keep her pet tortoise from hibernating… well, maybe she needs improvement in the intelligence category.

Luna'snight65- Lullaby definitely knows, and I think Rainbow does, too, but is ashamed to admit it.

Guest: Thank you! You're awesome, too!

Sparkling-nexis137- Aaaawwww. You have no idea how much I wish I could give you a hug through the screen. *cyberhugs* On a more cheerful note, ParaRay is fun to say. THAT RYHMED! Is this a good enough struggle for Rainbow Dash yet? And now that you mention it, I suppose Butternut represents all those ship obsessed bronies and pegasisters who ship ponies with anything that moves.

The Super Saiyan 3- I want Soarin and the other Wonderbolts to be in season 5 so much that it makes my brain hurt! If they aren't in season five then I will be VERY disappointed.

PinkUnicornLover190- Wowzers, someone's a big fan. I'm so thrilled that you like this story so much and I (sort of) promise that this will get even more addictive.

This chapter puts my comedy skills to test, and I hope three-four months of planning this was worth it. Here we go!

---

"Good morning,

Good morning,

Sunbeams will soon smile through

Good morning,

Good morning,

To you

And you,

And you,

And you!"

Braeburn muttered something under his breath as he opened the door on Soarin's grinning face. Yes, this had been his (and everyone else in the streets) wake-up call basically every single day since he'd moved to Cloudsdale. He'd bet anything that the neighbor's couldn't wait for him to move back to Appleoosa.

Somepony then called from across the street.

"SHUT UP!"

"You shut up! I'm singing here!" Soarin yelled back over his shoulder. Braeburn groaned and pulled his hat down over his face.

"D'ya hafta do this every mornin'?" he asked, exasperated. Soarin pulled him out the door and closed it behind him.

"I don't have to, but I do, because I care," he smiled goofily. Braeburn looked at him in disbelief.

"In that case, can ya care less?" he suggested flatly before noticing something. "Okay, yer seemin' pretty chipper today. What's up?"

Soarin shrugged his shoulders. "I just have a really good feeling about today. It's got a frisson about it," he spread his wings to show how happy he was. Braeburn admitted that it was still good to see his friend smile so much even if he did wake him up at half past six every morning with his obnoxious, out of tune singing. Yeah, he'd already decided that he was going to get Soarin singing lessons for his next birthday.

"So you ready fer work?" Braeburn asked and Soarin nodded.

"Yep, all set and ready to go. How 'bout you?" he returned the question to his friend, whose face suddenly fell.

"You shut muh door key in the house," he told Soarin, who chuckled with embarrassment. The blue pegasus flapped a few feet into the air.

"Heh… I'll get my copy," he said, zooming off before Braeburn could respond. Suddenly, the earth pony gasped.

"What the- when did ya get a copy o' the house key?" he shouted.

"SHUT UP!" that pony snapped again.

---

"…and then Spitfire tells me that my take off isn't as good as it should be!" Rainbow Dash finished her report of the day's first half of drills, throwing her hooves up in the air. Soarin felt genuinely sorry for her. Rainbow Dash had come into the kitchen in a really bad mood along with Lullaby, who was practically shoving her wherever she went.

"Well… do they need improving?" Soarin wanted to make sure that the cyan mare wasn't exaggerating. Rainbow flushed and looked away.

"Yeah… I guess I need a little help," she admitted sullenly, flapping her wings a couple of times. Lullaby rubbed Rainbow's back to calm her down, looking over at Soarin and getting what the pale stallion thought was a cunning glint in her eyes. Smirking, she put a hoof on Rainbow Dash's shoulder.

"Ya know, Soarin could help you out when you train," she suggested. Rainbow whipped round to face her purple friend, looking distressed.

"Yeah, I'll help you," Soarin agreed with no hesitation whatsoever. He loved spending time with Rainbow Dash, and he'd found that he was becoming more and more eager to hang out with her. Maybe a little too eager, because he often found that when he wasn't slacking off work he was daydreaming over his paperwork or fantasizing while he was in the middle of a conversation. Way too often he found himself saying things that he hadn't intended to… but that's not important now…

"You will- I mean, you don't have to, but- ya know. If you want…" Rainbow Dash started babbling. "Like I said, I'm not forcing you or anything but- YOW!" Rainbow yelped as Lullaby roughly kicked her left foreleg. "Save it for combat training, won't ya?" she rubbed her left leg with her right one, while Lullaby innocently looked away.

"I'm helping out, Dashie, and that's my final say-so," Soarin insisted, folding his hooves across his chest to show that he meant it. For a reason he couldn't quite fathom, Rainbow Dash looked a little worried. Was it something he'd said?

"Heh… great," Rainbow clapped her hooves together softly, and lowered her ears. She then looked up at the clock on the wall. "Hey, would you look at the time there's… ten minutes till we need to be back outside. Lullaby, let's go and get ready early. I'll see you two later," she got up and started trotting to the door.

"Are you okay there, Dashie?" Soarin flapped over to stand next to her before she made it to the door. Rainbow Dash looked up at him, her magenta eyes wide and occasionally flicking away from his.

"Of course I'm okay. When have I ever not been?" she asked, raising her head and giving Soarin the cockiest grin she could manage. Soarin looked concernedly at her, noticing that her smile seemed a little forced. Something was definitely wrong, but he knew Rainbow Dash enough to know that it would do no good questioning her any further.

"If you say so," he settled on saying. He found himself looking her up and down again. Holy Celestia why was it so hard to just come out and tell her he liked her. He'd considered doing it so many times since he'd first found out, but for some reason it was harder than a triple Soar Spin. He could be the toughest pony in Equestria but the idea of confessing his feelings to her would still sap all the courage from him.

No! This was as good a time as any… he was going to say it, right then and now and he wouldn't have any trouble. He could do this.

"Um, Dashie, I just needed to say that I…" his voice got caught in his throat again. Oh, words couldn't describe how much he hated it when that happened. Rainbow Dash tilted her head to the side.

"What?" she asked him. Soarin tried to force the words out but all that he did was make hoarse croaking noises as if he was being choked.

"I… I… I… eyes are to see you with, noses are to smell with," he sing-songed, booping Rainbow Dash on the nose once he was finished. For a few seconds, everypony stood in silence, Soarin struggling to keep on smiling, Rainbow Dash looking down at the floor looking completely frazzled, Braeburn face-hoofing and Lullaby rolling her eyes. Finally, Rainbow Dash made her way out of the door.

"See ya later," she bidded him farewell as the door swung closed. Lullaby gave Soarin a pity filled shake of her head before following after the blue cadet. Soarin walked over to a counter stacked with pie and grabbed one, slinking down in a seat and taking a small bite. Braeburn groaned and stood beside him.

"Is it so hard fer you t' actually help me bake instead o' slow me down?" he asked his friend. Soarin swallowed his mouthful and stared down at the table.

"Sorry, Brae, I just can't tell her that I like her. Every time I try I freak out and do something stupid," he massaged his temples with his hooves, staring straight ahead. He heard Braeburn scoff beside him.

"No kiddin'," he commented. Soarin looked up at him.

"Really? I just made a huge idiot out of myself and that's all you have to say?" he asked, wondering whether Braeburn's head would look better on the floor than on his shoulders.

"Eeyup," the earth pony replied simply. Soarin sighed and rolled his eyes, knowing that Braeburn would be of no use here.

"Braeburn, you're an ass," Soarin stated, putting his chin in the crook of his shoulder. Braeburn smugly snickered at him.

"And yer a doof, we've covered this," he teased before heading over to wash a few dishes. Soarin let out a long breath and looked around the room. He caught sight of something that he would find incredibly useful next to one of the ovens. Smirking evilly, he crept over and grabbed the frying pan in his teeth, stalking up to his earth pony friend, raising his head high and aiming the frying pan at the back of Braeburn's head. He stretched his neck back, ready to swing when-

"HEY!"

"WHOA!" Soarin yelled with surprise, tripping and falling on his face, dropping the frying pan. Once the world stopped spinning and his ears ceased to ring, he shakily got back to his hooves, grunting as objects doubled before his very eyes and then merged back into one.

"You okay there?" he heard Braeburn ask somepony. Getting his eyes to focus again, and trying not to be mad that Braeburn hadn't asked him if he was okay, he noticed a mare on the other side of the counter, bouncing on her hooves.

"Yeah, I'm fine, can I just use the bathroom here?" she asked. Soarin examined the cause of his pain. The pegasus mare was a little shorter than average, with red fur and a long brown mane that fell past her shoulders and flopped partially over her right eye. She also had light blue eyes that showed just how desperate she was to… go.

"Sure, out that door, take a right, when you get to the end of the hall the mare's room is the fourth door on the left," Braeburn stood opposite her by the counter and gave her directions. The mare nodded her thanks before zooming off. Soarin cocked a brow.

"Well, that was odd," he remarked, making his way back to his seat and slumping forward so that his front hooves were resting on his knees.

"But back to the task at hoof," he remembered what he was worrying about in the first place. "You've gotta help me find a way to tell Rainbow Dash about… everything," he jumped up from his seat and put a hoof on Braeburn's shoulder. "Please! We're like a sofa and a little stool together- the perfect team," he added. Okay, maybe using furniture to describe him and his friend wasn't the best way to win him over. The look on the earth pony's face suggested that he wasn't doing his best job of getting him to help out, a fact confirmed by the stallion going back to the sink. Suddenly, Rainbow Dash flew over the counter.

"I dropped my cadet badge in here somewhere!" she looked a little distraught, probably because she wanted to get back to drills as soon as possible. "Badge, badge, badge. Where, where, where?" she rambled, looking around the room frantically. Soarin pointed across the room.

"Table, table, table! Everyone's at odds, odds, odds!" he added that last part to himself since he was getting a little flustered, probably because his head was still hurting from when he'd fallen to the floor. Rainbow Dash, true to her name, dashed over to the other side of the room and started searching the tables. Just then the mess hall doors opened and the red mare walked back through, looking relieved.

"Thanks," she said, coming up to the counter. "Sorry to be a bother, I'll just be on my way now," she turned to leave. Unfortunately (for her, at least) Soarin got an idea.

"Actually, do you think you could help me out a second?" he asked her. The mare looked over her shoulder at Soarin.

"Um, yeah, sure," she then got a starstruck look in her eyes. "I'm helping a Wonderbolt," she breathed to herself before relaxing. "Okay, what's up?" she asked, putting her forehooves on the counter.

"How do I tell somepony I like them?" he asked her, lowering his voice so nopony else could hear him. The red mare clicked her tongue and thought for a moment, before her ears perked up.

"Write it on a cupcake and give it to her," she replied. Soarin got an angry look on his face.

"Well even if I knew how to make a cupcake, I wouldn't have time to make a cupcake, she's right there!" he pointed over at Rainbow Dash. The red mare briefly glanced at the blue mare he was gesturing at before looking back at him.

"Well I didn't know that," she defended herself.

"Think!" Soarin gave her a sharp slap on the shoulder before frantically pacing back and forth. "Okay, this is a code red, amber alert, rising to pink, dogger moving east, showers later- THAT'S THE SHIPPING FORECAST!" he yelled to the ceiling. He looked to the side to see Rainbow Dash staring at him, a little warily.

"You okay there?" she asked him. Soarin, who was far too embarrassed to speak by now, just nodded, giving her his best grin. Thankfully, she left after that, heading through the doors back to the training grounds. Soarin pointed an accusing hoof at the red mare.

"That was your fault!" he snapped at her. "Now, you need to help me workshop why I can't say I like her. Stay and hang."

She nodded towards the door. "Ya know, I really should-"

"STAY AND HANG!" Soarin ordered her, making her shrink back in fear. Not wanting to take any risks, the mare folded her hooves on the counter and made herself comfortable, mostly because she had a feeling she'd be sticking around for quite a while.

"Okay, um… what comes to mind when I say 'what do you love?'" she asked him. Soarin gave her an appreciative nod.

"I like where this is going," he looked over his shoulder at Braeburn. "Don't worry about a thing, Brae, I've got a new friend," he pointed at the red mare, who waved at the earth pony casually. Braeburn just rolled his eyes before shoving another tray of apple dumplings into an oven. Soarin returned his attention to the mare.

"Alright then, what do you love?" she asked him. Soarin thought for a second.

"Pie," he replied. The red mare didn't approve.

"Again, what was your first love?"

"Pie," Soarin repeated.

"More emotional; what makes your heart skip?"

"Pie," said Soarin, again.

"Okay, I think I know what your problem is," the red mare told the Wonderbolt, who energetically hopped up and down.

"Whatwhatwhatwhatwhat?!" he rabbited.

"You're a dim halfwit with no knowledge of connecting with your emotions and it's only fair that you get over this mare so you won't make a total moron out of yourself," the mare turned to leave, but Soarin reached over the counter and grabbed her.

"WHAT?!" he exclaimed. "You can't just say that and go!" he climbed onto the counter and flopped across it on his back, helpless.

"Braeburn," he croaked, before wailing louder. "BRAEBURN!"

"What's goin' on, Soarin?" the earth pony hurried over to his messed up friend, who shakily pointed a hoof at the red mare.

"Sh-sh-she said…" he stammered. Braeburn didn't need to hear anymore and patted Soarin on the head.

"Calm down now," he looked up threateningly at the mare. "Now you, stay back. Ah'm Soarin's number one workshopper. He's emotionally constipated and Ah'm his metaphorical prune."

"He's back," Soarin got back down to the floor. "Luvoo," he gave his friend a hug to show how pleased he was.

"Luvoo," Braeburn said back, returning the hug.

"Luvoo," the red mare flapped over the counter about to join in.

"No!" the two stallions backed away from her. Breaking apart, Braeburn cleared his throat.

"Now, as-" he gave the red mare a shove. "This says: Ya have no idea how t' voice yer emotions. Ah mean, ya know how ya feel, but when it comes to sayin' 'em out loud ya need a li'l help."

"Yeah…" Soarin agreed, his ears drooping. Braeburn patted Soarin's shoulder sympathetically.

"So all we need t' do is work out how you'll let 'er know," he stated the obvious, and Soarin nodded.

"Can't he just tell her the normal way?" the red mare piped up. "He just has to say three little words: I. Like. You," Soarin finally got a glimpse of her cutie mark: a glowing light bulb. He wondered what her special talent was. It certainly wasn't being helpful.

"The normal way," Braeburn took a moment to scoff. "Soarin can't be direct. It's a condition," he looked down at the blue stallion.

"I call it 'Pushy Captain-itis and Messed Up Talkativeness-ness-ness-ness'," Soarin declared, making a face as he said 'ness' after 'ness'. Braeburn nodded at the co-captain before addressing the red mare.

"He had to write a letter this morning just t' change gas suppliers," the earth pony picked up an envelope on the counter next to Soarin.

"I'm too scared to call them," he confessed, looking a little distraught. "They make me feel guilty. I end up paying them four times the usual amount and offering them a place to stay if they ever visit from Saddle Arabia."

"Though, to be fair, Mahja and Shahina were very nice," Braeburn butted in. Soarin mumbled his affirmation under his breath before going back into panic mode. "I'm gonna have to tell her in a letter, it's the only way," he started rifling through the drawers to try and find a spare sheet of paper.

"Too stupid," Braeburn and the red mare said at the same time. Braeburn began pacing back and forth across the room.

"C'mon, think 'n pace," he said and Soarin started walking beside him, putting on his best thinking face. The red mare gestured to the door with one wing.

"But I think I really need to-"

"THINK AND PACE!" Soarin and Braeburn both yelled at her. The mare wasted no time in putting on her own thinking face and pacing alongside them.

---

"Well, Ah guess we're out o' ideas," Braeburn sighed as the three ponies looked down at the table and their small list of ideas. They had come up with:

-Phone Call

-Get Braeburn to do it

-Write it on balloons

-Interpretive dance

"Well, I've already written her that letter," Soarin held a white envelope in his teeth. Braeburn quickly snatched it away and put it on the table.

"Ya can't give 'er that!" he chided Soarin. "Why can't ya be less sappy?"

Then somepony came through the door. "What's going on?" Soarin recognised Spitfire's voice. The red mare turned to speak to her.

"He can't be direct because of a pushy captain," she replied. Soarin and Braeburn gasped and rushed forward, Soarin standing in front of the mare and Braeburn standing in front of Soarin.

"-he loves very much," Braeburn finished the sentence while Soarin turned around to speak to the mare.

"That's the captain!" he hissed.

"Oh, Holy Celestia," the red mare cringed. Spitfire pointed a hoof at the mare.

"Who's this?" she asked.

"We don't know," Soarin and Braeburn replied in unison. Spitfire spoke directly to the mare.

"I'm not pushy," she defended herself. Soarin wanted to say otherwise, but he also didn't want to die so he kept his mouth shut.

"Did ya need something?" he asked the golden mare, who nodded.

"Yeah, Soarin, I need to talk to you about Rainbow Dash," she informed him. Soarin looked from Braeburn to… whoever this mare was before heading across the room to the captain. He could see over the counter that the cadets were all flooding in from the training grounds, talking and showing off a few flips.

"So, what's up?" Soarin asked Spitfire. The captain leaned against the back wall and folded her hooves.

"Do you know anything about why Dash's flight skills have dropped to an all-time low?" she asked him, one eyebrow raised. Soarin made a noise that was supposed to be a gasp but sounded more like 'habazawha?!'

"What?! No, I don't. She just told me that her take off needed improvement; not once did she say that anything else needed work," he answered. Spitfire took her shades off and let them hang around her neck. Oh Celestia, she was gonna say something important.

"Soarin, answer me truthfully. Is there or is there not anything going on between you and Rainbow Dash?" she asked. Soarin's pupils shrank at the captain's words.

"Again: no!" he said. "Why would you think that?" he asked curiously. Spitfire got a blank look on her face.

"Because when she started lacking in prowess, it was around the same time you starting messing up your paperwork," she revealed. It was Soarin's turn to ask the questions.

"What do you mean?" he asked. Spitfire groaned and prepared herself to say some stupid stuff.

"Three weeks ago you were supposed to be signing for a new control panel for the Dizzitron, and instead of signing your name you drew a picture of Rainbow Dash riding a dragon that looked like Rainbow Dash," she explained. Soarin turned red as the memory came back. Frankly, he was disappointed that Spitfire hadn't complimented his awesome drawing skills.

"Is that so?" he tittered, looking down at the floor with shame.

"Yes!" Spitfire poked him in the chest. "Listen Soarin, I have no problems with you training her, but from the looks of things she's distracting you… big time. I'm not sure if her descent in training is linked to this in any way but you're my co-captain and I can't have you drooling over a mare when you should be focusing on more important matters. I mean if you were to fall into a daydream during an airshow…" she trailed off to give Soarin time to imagine what would happen. Okay it wasn't anything good, and in his mind it ended with a Soarin shaped hole in the ground. "Soarin, sort yourself out!" Spitfire kept on talking. "You're one of my best fliers and Rainbow Dash is by far the best in the Wonderbolt Reserves, and now the two of you are- possibly- keeping eachother distracted when your duties should have your full attention. Soarin, it's a serious matter when two hard workers' performances suddenly drop…" she hesitated a moment. "If this keeps up I might have to forbid her from training you, and I really don't want to do that."

Soarin finally made a gasp that didn't sound stupid. "You can't do that!" he said to Spitfire, who raised herself to her full height, which still wasn't as tall as Soarin, so she still had to look up a little.

"Then fix things! If you two start working as hard as I know you can then I won't have to. But the well-being of my co-workers and cadets come first for me and if I have to take action myself then I will," she warned him. Soarin sighed and nodded. She was right; he knew she was, and he didn't want to let her down.

"I'll figure this out. I promise," he put his hoof over his heart. "That's the Word of a Wonderbolt," he added, knowing that when a 'Bolt said that it meant that they couldn't break that promise. Spitfire gave him a nod before looking over Soarin's shoulder.

"Have you two been listening the whole time?" she asked. Soarin looked behind him, seeing Braeburn and the red mare sitting at the table a few feet away. As soon as the two Wonderbolts' attention was on them they started whistling nonchalantly.

"Look, I'll sort this all out, okay," Soarin repeated since he wanted to make sure his point got across. Spitfire gave him a nod and headed for the door.

"See ya, ma'am," Braeburn called after her. The captain looked over her shoulder at him and smiled radiantly.

"See ya, Cowboy," she replied before leaving. Soarin watched as Braeburn and the red mare headed back to the table. He headed over to the serving counter and snatched up a couple of apples since he was feeling extra peckish.

"And you still haven't asked her out?"

Soarin's ears angled in the direction of a conversation that had captured his attention. Two stallions, one of which he had seen Rainbow Dash with a couple of times, were talking at the table closest to the counter.

"I never get the chance," the yellow stallion with the brown mohawk replied. The red stallion with the storm cloud cutie mark slugged his friend on the shoulder.

"She'll say yes, man, I mean look at you!" he gestured to the yellow one. "You're not as good looking as me, of course, but she couldn't resist. She'd love a stallion who has to catch up with her," he said with a teasing tone. Soarin hummed his own spy music as he listened to them talk.

"Isn't she out of my league?" the yellow one asked his friends. The red one gagged.

"Yeesh, Ray, it's like talking to a little filly. Just ask out Rainbow Dash so you'll stop wallowing like a walrus!" he flopped front ways on the table. Ray folded his hooves and glared at his red furred friend.

"Tempest, are you calling me fat?" he asked. Tempest shook his head.

"No, of course not, but while we're on the subject you're getting a bit of a bulge. Seriously, cut down on the apple tarts," he nodded down at the snacks on Ray's plate. Ray looked down at his stomach and rolled his eyes.

"Off topic," he snapped at Tempest before sighing. "Okay, I'll ask her out," he said. "Then will you please shut up about it?"

Soarin was currently in a state of complete shock at this new revelation. He hadn't known that some other stallion liked Rainbow Dash, too! Okay, this was just getting out of hoof now. First he struggles with telling Rainbow how he feels, then he's threatened to be kept from training her if he didn't get all this off his chest and if that wasn't bad enough he had an opponent for her affections! How could this get any more complicated?!

"Hey, Soarin!"

"GYAH!" Soarin recognized Rainbow Dash's cheerful voice and zoomed over to the table, grabbing the list of ideas they made and tossing it in the trash. Braeburn then kicked the trash can under the table, while the red mare sat at the table facing away from Rainbow Dash, munching on some toast.

"What's going on?" Rainbow Dash asked. The red mare swallowed her bite of toast before answering.

"We're workshopping because he likes Ra-"

"RARITY!" Soarin jumped in front of the red mare, and Braeburn jumped in front of Soarin. "Rarity… Rarity's singing. I like Rarity's singing," he lied. Braeburn decided to join in.

"Ah like Fluttershy's singin'," he added. Soarin faced the red mare and pulled her out of her seat.

"That's Rainbow Dash!" he hissed at her.

"This is a nightmare!" the mare cringed. Soarin patted Braeburn's shoulder.

"He likes Fluttershy's singing," the pegasus stallion said again.

"I like Big Macintosh's singing," the red mare said. Soarin nodded back at her.

"She likes Big Mac's singing. I like Rarity's singing," he rambled, while Rainbow Dash stared at the three of them as if they all belonged in a nutcase asylum.

"We're forming a Ponytones tribute band," the red mare lied. The three of them paused for a few seconds before bursting into song.

"Find you've got the music

Got the music in you

Find you've got the music

Got the music in you!"

Soarin and Braeburn stopped singing but the red mare kept going.

"Bum, bum, bum-ba-da, ba-da

Bum, bum, bum-ba-da ah!"

"That's too much," Soarin got her to stop by smacking her lightly on the shoulder. Rainbow Dash cleared her throat to get their attention again. "Oh, um, what is it, Dashie?" he asked her, getting a little nervous. Okay, maybe Spitfire was right about the distraction thing.

"I just wanted to check when it was okay for you to help me out with the take-off problem of mine," she told him, still looking utterly humiliated about the whole matter.

"Would in an hour's time be okay?" Soarin asked. "I'm a little busy right now but I think we're almost finished."

Rainbow let out a loud 'phew' sound. "Thanks, you have no idea how grateful I am," she moved forward and gave him a quick hug. It only lasted a second but it was long enough to make Soarin turned almost completely red. "See ya in an hour," she started walking to the door. Soarin, suddenly getting a boost of confidence, decided that he just had to give his confession another attempt. He just had to!

"Um, Dashie…?" he followed after her. The blue mare stopped by the door and turned back around.

"Yeah?" she asked him. Soarin gulped and prepared himself for his speech.

"I just wanted to say that… I know that this might be too sudden but I think I need to spee… bree…yes. I need to breed dogs. Dogs- no, dragons. I'm gonna breed dragon dogs. Dragons that you can teach to fetch things. Fire breathing dogs. ROAR-woof!" Soarin sputtered out. How in Luna's name had he managed to screw this all up again?! And with something so ridiculous. Rainbow Dash stared at him as if he'd completely lost his mind.

"You okay?" she asked, seeming a tad uncomfortable.

"Yes, of course I'm fine," Soarin lied. "Sorry… I'm just all over the place like soap in a shower," he started jumping up and down and flailing his arms around. "Where is it? Where's the soap?" he asked, beginning to sweat. Why him? Finally he decided to do what he'd planned. "Hold on…" he quickly went over to the table where Braeburn and the red mare were watching him. He ignored Braeburn's negative expression as he picked up the envelope he had put down there and went back over to Rainbow Dash. "It says it all there," he said as he passed the letter to her.

"Okay…" Rainbow Dash muttered as she opened up the letter, giving Soarin an odd look. Soarin swallowed hard as she started reading what was on the letter. After a few seconds, each of which felt like a bowling ball falling on Soarin's head, Rainbow Dash looked up from the paper at him. "Are ya sure?" she asked. "Because… it's fine by me," she smiled. Soarin lit up like a matchstick. She… she liked him, too?!

"You really mean it?" he breathed, grinning like the fool he was. Rainbow Dash gave him a nod before passing the letter back to him.

"Yeah, if you want to change gas suppliers it's your call," she then turned and headed out the door.

"Wrong letter!" Soarin yelled once she was out of earshot. Braeburn and the red mare started chanting with him.

"Wrong letter! Wrong letter!" they repeated. Braeburn started waving at the door.

"Quick, follow her! Emergency walk!" he ordered. Soarin did as he was told and speed-walked through the mess hall after Rainbow Dash. He finally caught up to her in the hallway outside the mess hall.

"Soarin, what're you doing?" she asked him as he stood in front of her, blocking her path. The blue stallion regained his self-control again before looking her right in the eye.

"Look, Rainbow Dash, I know I've been acting a little weird but I have a good reason to… for once," he added, purely just to make her laugh. It worked, of course. "Ya see, the thing is I-"

"Hey, Rainbow Dash!" somepony called from the mess hall. Rainbow turned around to see Sugar Swoop poking his head through the door.

"What is it?" she asked her fellow cadet.

"Spring Song thinks that she can do more somersaults than you before getting nauseous. Wanna help us prove her wrong?" the peach coloured stallion asked. Rainbow Dash nodded enthusiastically.

"Hey, yeah!" she agreed, turning to face Soarin. "Sorry, Soarin, can we talk later?" she didn't even let him reply before she headed back into the mess hall to assist her friends. Soarin threw his head up and let out a loud groan.

"Why is this so hard?" he asked himself.

---

"Today was supposed to be a good day," Soarin sighed as he, Braeburn and the red mare sat in their chairs, in a row by the table, sipping at some apple juice. "It had this great feeling about it," he flopped over the back of the chair. "I was about to say it! I was ready to explode like an emotional balloon!" for the past half an hour or so Soarin had been grumbling about this subject.

Braeburn got up to put his mug in the sink and the mare followed after him. "I should go," she mumbled. "I don't even know why I'm still here."

"Hey," Braeburn said to her once she reached the sink. "Would ya mind washin' these up while Ah talk t' Soarin?" he asked. The red mare looked a little grumpy.

"I don't really-"

"Wash!" Braeburn pointed sternly at the sink and the mare rolled her eyes before grabbing a cloth and scrubbing at the mugs. Braeburn made his way back over to the table to sit next to Soarin. "Ya feelin' okay?" he asked his friend, who was still silently sipping his juice. He nodded slowly.

"Yeah, there have just been so many problems today. First I get a warning from Spitfire and then I find out that some other guy likes Rainbow Dash," he sighed miserably. Braeburn tipped his head to the side.

"What? You never told me about that," he said. Soarin sat up straight, feeling like a complete moron for forgetting such an important detail.

"Oh, yeah! I was eavesdropping on a conversation- don't judge me," he said as Braeburn gave him an irritated look. "And I found out that one of the cadets, Ray, wants to ask her on a date."

Braeburn stood up and poked Soarin in the ribs. "Well this is all the more reason fer you t' stallion up and tell Rainbow Dash before this Ray does!" he told his winged friend. The red mare had come back over by then.

"Who's Ray?" she asked, but the two stallions ignored her.

"If Ray gets there first then Ah don't know what'll happen," Braeburn fretted. "D'ya know if she likes him? Has she talked about him at all?" he listed some questions.

"Who's Ray?" the mare asked again.

"No, she hasn't brought his name up. I've seen him with her a couple of times but I only just found out his name," Soarin explained.

"I DEMAND TO KNOW WHO RAY IS!" the red mare finally got their attention by raising her voice. Soarin was the first to reply.

"Another one of the cadets that train here," he explained. "He likes Rainbow Dash, too, and there is no way I'm gonna let him get to her first," he punched his clenched left hoof into his open right one to prove that he meant business.

"Right, we just need to come up with a plan that even you can't muck up," Braeburn decided, settling lower into his chair.

"I don't mess up everything," Soarin insisted. "There was that time that… that…"

"Hey!" Braeburn snapped his attention back to the current situation. "Focus on somethin' apart from yer hopelessness. Love is at stake!"

"THIS IS SERIOUS NOW!" the red mare declared, slamming her front hooves on the table and glaring at Soarin. The two stallions leaned away from her a little, surprised at her sudden outburst. At that moment the door opened and a familiar white maned Wonderbolt entered, looking around.

"Fleetfoot, you okay over there?" Soarin asked, walking past Braeburn and the mare. Fleetfoot looked right at them and nodded.

"Yeah, I'm great," she lowered her voice a little so that only Soarin could hear her. "I actually came here looking for Thpitfire, but she's not here and that maketh me happy."

"So, I'm guessing you want me to wash your mug, too," the red mare suddenly moved to stand next to Soarin. The blue stallion shrugged and nodded, and the mare turned to leave, but was stopped by Fleetfoot, who spoke to Soarin.

"Who'th this?" she asked.

"I don't know," Soarin replied. Fleetfoot then smirked up at the brown maned mare whose shoulder she was currently stroking.

"Well whoever she ith, she's cute," she gave the mare a wink, making her give Soarin a weird look that was halfway between 'help me' and 'what's happening?' Fleetfoot sidled closer to the mare and examined her. "Name's Fleetfoot: Thenior Wonderbolt, voted Equestria's Prettiest Athlete five years running and recently featured in Wet Mane Weekly," she slurred seductively. Soarin rolled his eyes; this was the light blue mare's signature pick up line. Fleetfoot's magenta gaze moved down to the mares cutie mark. "Oh, a light bulb, eh?" she started walking past the red mare and paused behind her. "Jutht come find me if you ever need thomepony to turn that on for ya," she quickly whipped the mare's flank with her white tail, getting a squeak out of her before chuckling and moving over to the table. Yes, Fleetfoot had a thing for mares as well as stallions; a wider choice of ponies to fool around with, probably. Soarin couldn't tell whether this strange mare was blushing or not because she was already red, but judging by the look on her face she was just a little freaked out.

"Howdy, Fleetfoot," Braeburn greeted her as she sat on the table and crossed one hind leg over the other.

"What'th up, Cowboy?" she leaned back a little. Soarin raised an eyebrow… was Fleetfoot trying to mimic… nah, Fleetfoot wasn't that needy, although only one pony had ever called Braeburn 'Cowboy' before.

"Just helpin' Soarin out," the earth pony replied, not noticing Fleetfoot's behaviour. The flirty pegasus wasn't backing down yet.

"Well, you look like you could use a break," she commented. "Starbucks is open late today. Wanna thwing by there later and get some Frappuccino's?" the blue mare batted her eyelashes at him, but of course since Braeburn was the most oblivious pony in Equestria, he didn't acknowledge her advances on him.

"Nah, thanks fer the offer, but this is a pretty important matter," he declined. Fleetfoot rocked back and forth, looking intrigued.

"What is thith 'important matter' anyway?" she asked curiously. Braeburn looked over at Soarin, who shook his head as if to say 'Don't tell her!' which was wise since Fleetfoot was terrible when it came to keeping secrets. If Fleetfoot found any gossip ponies would be talking about in in Las Pegasus by the evening. Braeburn got the hint and shook his head.

"Can't say; it's top secret," Braeburn saluted Soarin, who saluted back, pulling a funny face just for kicks.

"Okay…" Fleetfoot looked suspicious. "You three aren't up to anything are ya?" she folded her arms sternly. "If you are I'll have to report to the captain that you're not to be truthted," from the look in her eyes she was probably considering that 'Plan B'.

"Nope," said Braeburn.

"Nope," said Soarin. "Everything around here is perfectly normal."

"Really?" said the red mare. Soarin looked over at her. "You're calling this normal?" she sounded like she couldn't believe what she was hearing. Braeburn sighed and propped his head up on his elbow.

"Trust me; compared t' some o' the other stuff that's gone on in here, this is one o' the more normal things," he told her. The red mare still didn't look convinced. "You don't believe a word Ah'm sayin' do ya?" he sighed.

"No, but to be fair I don't really understand the world I've walked into," she absentmindedly fiddled with a lock of her brown mane. Fleetfoot headed back to the door.

"Alright, I've gotta get back to work," she said as she pulled it open. She briefly glanced back at Braeburn. "And if you change your mind about getting coffee ya know where to find me," she added. When Braeburn looked away she winked at the red mare one more time before leaving. Soarin found himself rolling his eyes again. Fleetfoot worked a little strangely, he had learned over the years. Fleetfoot had nine categories when it came to potential suitors: 'Main Target', 'Backup', 'Eye Candy', 'Average', 'Nice', 'Average but Nice', 'Hot Mare', 'Guilty Pleasure' and 'Easy Prey'. Soarin had been told that he fell into the 'Eye Candy' category and he'd actually felt quite proud of it.

"Okay, what now?" the red mare made her way back to the table after several seconds of quiet between the three ponies in the kitchen. Braeburn and Soarin took their seats and put on their thinking faces again. At that exact moment somepony else walked into the kitchen.

"Is everything alright?" Rainbow Dash asked. The red mare didn't look up from the table, still distracted with her thinking.

"He's an emotional balloon because he has a thing for Ra-"

"Rarity's singing, remember?!" Soarin jumped in front of the mare and Braeburn moved to stand in front of Soarin. Braeburn nodded back at Soarin.

"He likes Rarity's singin', Ah like Fluttershy's singin'," he rambled. Soarin twisted round and pulled the mare off her chair.

"It's Rainbow Dash again!" he hissed.

"Why does it keep happening?" the red mare cringed. Soarin patted Braeburn's shoulder.

"He likes Fluttershy's singing," he repeated. The red mare piped up from the back.

"I like Big Macintosh's singing and we're working on gigs for the Ponytones Tribute Band," she said. After a moment of glancing at eachother the three ponies burst into song again.

"There's music in the treetops

And there's music in the vale

And all around the music fills the sky!"

The red mare kept on singing as the two stallions finished.

"There's music by the river

And there's music in the grass-"

Soarin and Braeburn got her to stop by each putting a hoof on her head. Rainbow Dash, looking a little annoyed, just groaned. "Great," she mumbled. "Soarin can I talk to you for a minute?"

"Of course," Soarin happily trotted a few feet forward to speak with the rainbow maned pegasus. "So, what is it?" he asked her. Rainbow Dash gave him her most ticked look.

"I thought you said you were gonna help me out!" she snapped. Soarin didn't understand what she was getting at with this.

"What do ya mean?" he asked. Rainbow Dash nodded up at the clock and Soarin followed her line of vision. He almost gasped out loud when he saw that it was ten minutes to four O'clock, a good twenty minutes after he'd said he'd help out Rainbow Dash.

"I was sitting out there in the training grounds like an idiot waiting for you to show up!" she scolded him. "So, ya know what, don't bother helping me out; Ray said he'd give me a hoof."

"GAH!" Soarin, Braeburn and the red mare shrieked. Rainbow Dash flapped a metre or two into the air and looked around.

"What, what, what?!" she yelped, wondering what they were screaming about. When she saw that there was nothing she just gave the three ponies dirty looks before flying over the counter into the mess hall. Soarin heard the mess hall doors click shut, signalling that she had left. He rubbed his forehead with a forehoof.

"I couldn't like her more! Stupid Ray!" he headed back over to the table and sat on the left side of it, next to the red mare, and put his chin on the smooth wooden surface, his ears drooping to maximise how pathetic he looked at that moment.

"Well ya hafta tell 'er now. Ray can't get there first; ya can't miss yer chance with the pony that makes ya happiest in the world," Braeburn said. Soarin gave him an irritated look.

"Ya don't say, Captain Obvious," he mocked his earth pony friend. At that point he could care less about how he made Braeburn feel. Then each of them slapped the mare on the shoulder.

"Think," they both said to her. The mare sat up straight and hummed as she thought. She then looked at each of the stallions as she came up with an idea.

"You've got to out-Ray Ray," she declared. Soarin and Braeburn gave her approving nods and made consecutive sounds of agreement.

"Good plan," Braeburn praised her. "Okay, Ah'm thinkin' that you should get 'er alone. Here's what we'll do. Ah'll say Ah wanna meet 'er in the training grounds an' then you'll corner 'er. Not it the crazy way, mind you," he told Soarin just so he didn't get any ideas. "Then that's when you'll tell 'er. An' Ah can get some doves, too!"

"Doves?" Soarin and the red mare said simultaneously. Braeburn nodded.

"Doves set the mood, right?" he shrugged. Soarin couldn't really argue with him there. The red mare leaned forward on the table.

"And if you really wanna win Rainbow Dash over you need to woo her with every sense," she said. Soarin raised a brow at her, giving her the signal to explain. "The smell of your mane, the feel of your fur, the sight of your feathers," she flexed out her wings to show him what she meant. Soarin knew nothing about this but he did have an inkling of an idea that this was just the mare's way of flirting.

"Listen, I'm the woo-er here," Soarin gave her a shove. Braeburn folded his arms on the table.

"Well Ah thought you were desperate fer our help but do go on," he invited, leaning against the back of the chair. Soarin stood up and walked around to the other side of the table.

"Yeah, I will; I can do this. I can woo with every sense, the feel of my fur the- what was it- the smell of my tail, the sound of my wings… okay that's wrong, you do it," he slumped his shoulder and huffily looked at his two companions. Braeburn got up and headed to the kitchen door.

"Meet Rainbow Dash in the training grounds in ten minutes," he commanded before exiting. The red mare followed after him.

"This is the best day of my life," she commented as the door swung closed. Soarin was the last to leave, staring after the mare.

"Bit weird," he thought out loud as the kitchen became desolate.

---

Soarin paced back and front by the mess hall doors in the training grounds, trying to get a grip. She was going to come out of that door any second now and when she did he'd have to be ready. He just had to trust that Braeburn could pull this all off… and that he could pull this off, too. He started to take a deep breath to calm his nerves but stopped himself once his lungs had been filled. Was this really the best idea? Maybe he should postpone this until later… or next week… or-

'No! You have to do this now!' he mentally shouted at himself. He then remembered that he needed to exhale and let out his large gulp of air, feeling a little, but not a lot, of his tension melting away. He'd had enough of this, and there was no way he could put up with it any longer, especially after enduring it for almost two months!

"Soarin?"

The pale blue stallion found himself face to face with Rainbow Dash, and he felt his entire body seize up. "Hi," he said to her as casually as he could manage. He was even more nervous now that Braeburn and… whoever that mare was weren't there with him.

"What's going on? I was supposed to meet Braeburn here," she looked around, seeing neither hide nor hair of the light gold earth pony. Soarin shook his head.

"No, I wanted to meet you here. Not Braeburn," he moved forward a little, swallowing some of his nerves. This was just like any other time he'd hung around with Rainbow Dash, he reminded himself. Only with a lot more pressure. Rainbow Dash just gave him a disapproving glare.

"Well that's good, but I need to do some stretches before Ray gets here," she began to turn around but Soarin swiftly stopped her.

"No, Dashie, wait," he rambled. "I just… I thought you deserved a break after all the drills and the worrying and I… I wanted to say that I'm so, so sorry for not helping you earlier."

Rainbow Dash sighed and hesitated a few seconds, glaring down at the clouds below before rolling her eyes. "Fine, okay, thank you," she smiled at him. "And I'm sorry for getting so mad. I was just a little on edge," she apologized in return. Soarin began grinning, too, relieved that the tension between them was mostly gone now. Just then Soarin heard a romantic tune playing in the background and his ears stood straight up. Rainbow Dash started looking around.

"Do you hear music?" she asked him. Soarin looked directly up and almost had a stroke when he saw the red mare perched on a cloud above them, playing a tune from a stereo. She gave him a 'well done' nod and Soarin turned to face Rainbow Dash again. The blue mare started to look upwards and Soarin quickly swooped in, forcing her head down.

"No!" he lied. "No, um- look down!" he made a slicing motion across his throat at the red mare whilst feeling his heart beating in his skull, mostly out of fear. "Um, look at these clouds," he pushed Rainbow's face into the white fluffy ground despite her protests. Getting the hint, the red mare switched the music off and Soarin allowed Rainbow Dash to lift her head back up. "Heh… sorry," he said to her, worried that he'd made matters worse. She didn't look amused. But Soarin did.

"What's so funny?" she asked, her ears flattening against her head as the stallion began chortling. Soarin flicked some cloud off her nose.

"That." he chuckled and, despite the situation, Rainbow Dash laughed as well. Eventually Soarin found himself gazing into Rainbow's magenta eyes while she looked back at him. They slowly stopped laughing and just stared at one another, not saying anything and suddenly feeling as if the world was vanishing around them. Blushing furiously, Soarin started to lean in a little, and he couldn't be positive but he could have sworn that Rainbow Dash was doing the same. Suddenly, Rainbow Dash got a freaked out look on her face.

"Where did the geese come from?" she asked suddenly. Soarin became confused. Why would she ask such a random question at a time like this? He noticed that she was staring at something behind him and swivelled round. He let out a squeal as a flock of white geese approached them, honking and flapping. Braeburn was running behind them, yelling at the huge group of feathered fiends and looking a little panicked.

"Quick!" Soarin began running along the clouds, Rainbow at his side. Braeburn caught up to them as the birds continued to pursue them. "What did you do?" Soarin asked him.

"I couldn't… get… doves," Braeburn answered between pants, beginning to sweat a little. Rainbow Dash butted in from Soarin's other side.

"Is this some kind of a joke?" she asked with her eyes narrowed as the geese closed in. Soarin looked into the red eyes of one that had suddenly appeared flying next to him.

"They're actually pretty scary," he realised with a gulp, his blood chilling.

"It's the hissing," Braeburn piped up, and Soarin admitted that he was correct. The three of them managed to outrun them and raced round to the front of the Academy, ducking behind a cloud bush by the entrance doors. The honking of the demon birds faded into the distance after a while and the terrified equines emerged from their hiding place.

"I think they're gone," Soarin sighed.

HONK!

"Nope," Soarin and his two friends started running again. "Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, so much nope!" Hold on…with a burst of embarrassment, he suddenly remembered that he was a pegasus. Taking off, he grabbed Braeburn around his waist, earning a few shouts of surprise from the earth pony and zoomed off into the sky. Following his lead, Rainbow Dash flew after them. But, because Soarin hadn't exactly thought things through he had completely forgotten the small but important detail of the geese being able to fly, too.

"OH COME ON!" Soarin yelled as the geese flew after them.

---

After a lot of flying, chasing, screaming, honking, biting, hissing, running, and (surprisingly) cloud-throwing to try and knock them out of the air (it just made them angry), the three friends made it back to the mess hall. A little frazzled and covered in white feathers maybe, but they were still in one piece and that was what mattered. Rainbow Dash sat at one of the tables and tried to get her breath back while Soarin and Braeburn stood up, Soarin slumping against his earth pony friend because he was too exhausted to stand by himself. The red mare came in after them, balancing the stereo on her back and heading over to the serving counter to place it next to the tray of mashed potatoes.

"I was trying to tell you something," Soarin said to Rainbow Dash once he was able to use his legs again. They felt a little wobbly at first, but he was feeling them again, so that was one good thing about today. He'd been humiliated, forced into a fake tribute band, he'd discovered that somepony else liked his mare, and he'd been chased by wild birds. But so far that last one was the highlight of his day!

"Oh, Soarin, only you," Rainbow Dash wiped some sweat from her brow and shook some goose feathers out of her mane. "Just tell me."

Soarin gulped and looked behind him at Braeburn and the mare, who were silently egging him on. Confidently smiling at them, he faced Rainbow Dash, taking a breath and preparing himself. But he still felt weak at the knees, and he felt as if the weight of the world was on his shoulders, forcing him down to the ground and squeezing every last ounce of bravery from him.

"Oh, I can't look at you," he let his head drop so he was looking at the light blue floor below. He heard Rainbow Dash sigh.

"This is important, isn't it?" she asked him, getting to her hooves. Soarin gave a few small nods, which were barely even noticeable. Rainbow suddenly headed off to the right. "Okay, hold on a sec. Lemme just get these feathers outta my ears," she excused herself. Soarin sat on his haunches and groaned. This was just so hard. But at least he had a few more seconds to come up with a plan. No sooner had he thought this than his eyes were suddenly covered by a pair of hooves. Soarin gave in; this was the moment he could tell her. Rainbow Dash was probably covering his eyes so he couldn't see her or be distracted. It was actually working pretty well.

"Hi," he started lamely, chuckling at himself. "Alright, here's the thing, and I'm sorry I've been going about it in such a messed up way. But that's all just because I've never been so certain of anything in my life," he took one final breath before saying it. "I really, really, really… like you," he felt weight lifting from his back as he got the words out.

"Say what?!"

Soarin jumped with shock and spun around.

SERIOUSLY?!

"I was only gonna say 'surprise!'" the mare of the same name told him, looking confused… more confused than usual, anyway. Soarin prodded the white Wonderbolt in the chest.

"Why are you here? I thought- ugh!" Soarin collapsed to the ground, his legs spread apart in a surrendering position. Surprise shrugged and made a 'meh' sound.

"I was just coming down to take a couple of those muffins in the kitchen," she pulled some of them out of her yellow puffy mane. "I think I might be addicted to them," she added before taking a bite. Braeburn raised his chest threateningly.

"Stay outta muh kitchen!" he snapped. Surprise rolled her eyes.

"Somepony woke up on the wrong side of the bed," she commented before flying out the mess hall doors. "See ya later," she waved at them as she left. Just then, Rainbow Dash came back, completely feather-free.

"Okay, so what is it?" she asked, sitting back down.

"Moment's gone," Soarin moved to stand next to Braeburn, who began patting his shoulder. Suddenly, Braeburn tensed.

"Oh no…" he murmured, and Soarin looked up, seeing Ray coming through the mess hall doors.

"'Sup, Ray?" Rainbow Dash spun round on her chair to face him.

"Hi, Rainbow Dash," the yellow stallion greeted, giving the pegasus mare a large and admittedly rather charming smile.

"Do something!" Soarin turned to Braeburn and the red mare, not really seeing any other options. He started looking around for a possible distraction. Suddenly, Braeburn decided to be the hero and rushed forward. Soarin could only stand with his jaw agape and eyes wide as the light gold earth pony spun Rainbow Dash around in her chair, grabbed her by the shoulders and kissed her hard, making her give out muffled sounds of confusion. Soarin looked over at Ray, whose expression mirrored his precisely, and then spoke to the red mare.

"How does that help?" he asked her, getting a shrug from her. Soarin knew that Braeburn was only doing this to assist him but seeing him doing this made his blood boil hotter than the sun. Braeburn finally pulled away from her, looking at Soarin with slightly disgusted features. Ray shuffled his hooves from his spot at the other end of the table.

"Oh, I didn't know you two were-"

"Yeah, so bye!" Braeburn interrupted him, playing along for Soarin's sake. Soarin knew that he should be grateful for having such a loyal friend, but he was still so flaming mad! Rainbow Dash pushed Braeburn away and stood up, facing Ray.

"Hold up, I don't even know why he kissed me!" Rainbow Dash wiped her mouth after she'd spoken. Ray looked a little disappointed.

"Well it looked pretty passionate to me," he argued. "You lingered."

"Yes!" Soarin spoke up, making everypony in the room stare at him. "There was lingering," he agreed.

"I thought there was lingering," the red mare spoke up. Ray squinted over at her.

"Who are you?" he asked.

"I don't know," the red mare replied.

Ray and Soarin spoke together: "You both lingered!"

"We did not linger!" Rainbow Dash and Braeburn argued. Soarin flew over to stand next to Ray and the two stallions turned tail and started heading out the mess hall doors, both clearly upset.

"Ray!" yelled Rainbow Dash.

"Soarin!" yelled Braeburn.

"Leaving!" Soarin called back as they left the room.

---

"You kissed my mare," Soarin grumbled to Braeburn as the two of them and the red mare sat back at the table in the kitchen an hour after the afternoon's events. Soarin was on the right side of the table, staring intently downwards, with Braeburn sitting on the left, and the mare in the middle, looking awkward beyond imagination. Each of them had another mug of apple juice in their hooves.

"How would you like it if I kissed yours?" Soarin asked, looking over at the earth pony. "I'm gonna get my own back and kiss Spitfire. Oh, who am I kidding, that's never gonna happen," he changed his mind instantly. Braeburn slammed his mug on the table and looked across at Soarin.

"Ah was tryin' t' get rid o' Ray!" he said for what felt like the hundredth time. Soarin slammed his mug down, too, giving Braeburn a death glare.

"Well you shouldn't have interfered!" he countered. The red mare slouched lower in her seat as the tension rose from either side of her, shifting her eyes to each of the stallions as they yelled at each other. Braeburn folded his hooves and narrowed his eyes at his winged friend.

"Didn't want to but 'Braeburn, I can't cope! We're a sofa and a little stool'!" he quoted Soarin's phrase from earlier that day. Soarin, steam practically coming out of his ears, then started speaking gibberish.

"Je me suis frederais yostiglais hastagliere c'est diblieux j'ai dibeleain hagtilieuf FOU!" he snapped. Braeburn gasped and swivelled round in his chair, huffily crossing his legs and raising his nose to the air, making a 'humph' sound.

Translated, Soarin had said: 'Oh, I'm so mad I'm speaking in fake French, but he won't know it's fake French and to save face he'll gasp when it sounds like I'm being offensive!'

Soarin tapped the red mare and she hesitantly returned his gaze. "Right, you, whatever your name is, I bequeath you the status of my new best friend," he said to her. Grinning, the mare put a hoof on each of her cheeks.

"Oh, it's too much," she nearly wept. Braeburn got up from his chair, knocking it over in the process and stormed over to the serving counter.

"Well you and yer new best friend need t' get outta here. It's almost dinner an' only my friends are allowed! So leave!" he pointed sternly at the door. Soarin got up and started making his way out, the red mare following behind like a loyal dog.

"We shall!" he declared in a mock-Canterlot accent. "Let's go down to the staff room where all the cool ponies go," he told the mare whilst sneering at Braeburn. Soarin realised that he got into arguments with his friend more times than the average pony did.

"Awesome!" the red mare squealed, excited at the notion of hanging out in the Wonderbolt's hub.

"You're an ass!" Braeburn called after him. Soarin smugly shouted back over his shoulder as he and his 'new best friend' departed.

"Not listening!"

---

"Worst day ever," Soarin grumbled, his chin resting on the Wonderbolt's table in the mess hall. After he'd taken the red mare to the staff room the 'Bolts had all left for dinner. Everypony was present and accounted for apart from Spitfire and Surprise who were dealing with some important paperwork. Why Surprise was needed for that Soarin didn't quite know.

"So that's what happened today?" Silver Lining pitifully sighed at Soarin. "You must be having a pretty hard time right now."

"You're telling me," Soarin stared down at the food on his plate, feeling both full and empty at the same time. "I don't know how I'm gonna fix this mess," he lazily licked up a little mashed potato but couldn't find it in himself to enjoy it. Braeburn sat on his other side. The two of them had made up twenty minutes after their argument because neither of them could stay mad at each other. Soarin would have usually thought it sweet, but he wasn't feeling it right then.

"Hey, there's Rainbow Dash now," Silver Lining nodded over at the serving counter, where Rainbow Dash was talking to Lullaby. Soarin felt his chest swell up at seeing her. She didn't look very happy and Lullaby looked like she was giving her some kind of pep-talk that wasn't going very well.

"So," Soarin shrugged, staring straight at her but not finding enough strength to do anything else. Silver Lining rolled his eyes and returned to eating. Everypony knew that on the rare occasion that Soarin was depressed it was darn near impossible to snap him out of this mood. Ponies who had tried had either given up or become depressed themselves after hearing is sob-stories. Luckily, this hardly ever happened.

Soarin watched as Rainbow Dash and Lullaby walked past his table. Lullaby gave him a sorrowful glance, which only made him feel worse. Now even Lullaby knew that he'd messed up.

"Rainbow Dash!" Soarin suddenly blurted out, wanting her attention. Rainbow and Lullaby stopped in their tracks and looked over at him.

"What is it?" Rainbow Dash seethed. Soarin felt the colour leave his face. She was mad… was this a bad time… yeah it was. But he couldn't just tell her to leave now. Stupid big mouth!

"I need to talk to you!" he replied, trying to bring out the professional Wonderbolt in him. Unfortunately, Rainbow Dash didn't listen.

"This again? Soarin just leave me alone," she started to walk away but, to both Rainbow Dash and Soarin's surprise, Lullaby stopped her. Rainbow looked like she wanted to ask Lullaby what the big deal was, but Soarin spoke before she could get any words out.

"Why are you so angry with me?" he asked the question on his mind. He hadn't exactly done anything wrong, and anything bad that had happened had been for the sake of something important that she didn't know about. Rainbow Dash turned tail to face him and gave him a dark stare.

"Well you completely messed up my training sessions, with you and with Ray!" she replied, placing her plate of food on Lullaby's back so she could straighten herself up.

"I don't care about Ray; he ruined my day," Soarin gave the yellow stallion a quick glare from where he was sitting with the other stallion cadets, ignoring the usually funny detail that what he had just said rhymed. Rainbow Dash stepped closer to him and poked him in the shoulder. Holy Celestia, she was strong, and Soarin had to strain from clutched the spot she'd prodded him.

"And you ruined mine!" she argued. The Wonderbolts at the table were starting to stare now, some looking interested, other looking awkward. Soarin felt like his heart was being stabbed as she said this. "The one time I urgently needed your help!" she added to rub salt in the wound. Soarin sat up taller and looked Rainbow Dash right in the eye, a part of him wanting to make her feel as bad as she had just made him feel.

"Well maybe I had important things to do," he suggested to her, hoping she'd get the hint. She didn't.

"What? Rehearse a Ponytones Tribute Band?" Rainbow mocked him. She started walking away again and Soarin was going to let her. He'd officially had enough. But apparently, Rainbow Dash hadn't. She turned back to him and started ranting again, as if she wanted to make him feel a world of guilt.

"Ya know," she started. "There's always something with you. On the one day I was struggling and needed your help, just like you need mine sometimes, your issues are still more important although they very rarely are!" she was almost shouting now. Finally, losing his temper, Soarin slammed a hoof on the table and stood up, ignoring Braeburn's protests.

"They were more important!" he yelled, seeing red. Every single pair of eyes in the room were on him and Rainbow Dash now, but neither of them cared.

"What? What was more important?!" Rainbow shrilled.

"GETTING OVER ALL MY FEARS AND TELLING YOU THAT I HAVE A MASSIVE FRIGGIN' CRUSH ON YOU I LIKE YOU RAINBOW DASH!"

The silence in the room was so thick you could slice through it with a machete. Rainbow Dash stood there with her mouth agape, unable to say a word. The Wonderbolts and cadets sat in their chairs, eyes glued to the two previously shouting ponies as if they were on a movie screen, and Soarin was slowly beginning to come back to reality, noticing for the first time that he'd just confessed his feelings at the top of his lungs in a room with darn near everypony at the Academy in there.

Meep.

Braeburn was the first to break the quietness… and it didn't help.

"Oh that's embarrassin'," he commented, putting his head in his hoof. He looked up at Soarin with some advice. "Say somethin' more embarrassin' so that won't seem so embarrassin'."

Soarin thought for a moment before breaking into a little song:

"I'm a little coconut,

Ugly and hairy but,

When you split me open

I ooze milk, and nut."

Soarin suddenly felt even more awkward than before.

"Nope, that's worse," Braeburn got up and left. "Ah don't know this guy!" he called out as he vanished into the hallway, not caring that everypony knew that wasn't true.

Still, Rainbow Dash didn't say anything. Nopony did. Everyone just sat there in the most intense silence that could be imagined as if they had been frozen in time. Soarin looked out the corner of his eye and immediately wished he could just turn invisible. Everyone was staring at him and boy did it make him feel uncomfortable. He looked at the other Wonderbolts, hoping that one of them would back him up (or at least knock him out) but none of them got up to help him. Finally he decided to just get the heck out of there.

"Right…" he started inching to the right. "I'm just gonna go and flush myself down a toilet," he excused himself before taking off from the ground and zooming out the door faster than he would go if he were in a Wonderbolt's derby, leaving Rainbow Dash standing there speechless.

---

"BRAE!" Soarin yelled as he caught up with his earth pony pal. His sudden appearance sent Braeburn jumping at least four feet into the air before he thudded back down on the ground. Braeburn glared irritably up at Soarin.

"Holy tap dancin' apples, Soarin, ya shouldn't make me jump like that!" he scolded his friend, standing back up on all fours. Soarin was way too miserable and embarrassed to care about Braeburn's mini heart attack.

"Sorry, I'm just a little down, no wonder," Soarin sighed, starting to walk alongside his buddy. He had no idea where they were walking, but anywhere without Rainbow Dash would be great… she could have said it back… but she didn't.

"Ah'm sorry, too," Braeburn shared the same depressed look as him. "Ah should've been more supportive."

Soarin gave his friend a playful bonk over the head with one of his wings. It was probably a little harder than he had intended, since Braeburn yelped as Soarin's wing made contact with the back of his head.

"Heh… oops," Soarin folded his wing back up and let his shoulders sag. "I can't stop messing up," he muttered, wishing once again that he could give himself a good thrashing for being such a dim-witted moron. "I'm such a screw up," he wanted to call himself every bad name in existence. Braeburn sighed and stopped walking, putting a hoof on Soarin's back to get him to halt, too.

"Listen Soarin, you ain't no screw up," he told the pegasus. Soarin thought over the stuff that had happened today.

"Seriously? After everything that we've been through you still don't think that I'm deranged? I've made a complete idiot out of myself in front of everyone, I'm not able to focus on my work, I couldn't even tell Rainbow Dash how I felt without making myself look like the hugest pea brain ever!" he let his ears flop down against his face. If they were longer he could cover his eyes with them and pretend he didn't exist… oh, to not exist.

"Soar, ya know what muh grandpappy always used t' say?" Braeburn sat down next to the stallion and looked him in the eye, which was hard since Soarin was staring at the floor. "A pony who never made a mistake never made anythin',"he quoted. "Soarin, Ah've known ya fer years now an' if there's one thing Ah've learned about you it's that ya don't give up. Even when those dumb colts back in school were holdin' ya back ya still broke free from yer bonds and pursued your Wonderbolt dream. And look at ya now!" he tugged on Soarin's tie. "Yer a good pony, Soar, an' you'll figure this out, Ah bet muh cutie mark," he finished his little pep-talk. Soarin had never taken Braeburn for the type of guy who was good at making spur of the moment speeches, but he was sure that if he wasn't an apple farmer, that would be his special talent. Soarin got up and gave Braeburn a small shove.

"Thanks," he gave a small chuckle. "You're still an ass, though," he teased him. Braeburn laughed and heaved himself up.

"Right back at ya," he returned the insult. Then more voices echoed down the hall.

"I really think this is a good idea!"

"Surprise, you're never gonna make money off of that!"

Soarin saw Spitfire and Surprise coming down the hall, bickering about something.

"No, can't you just imagine an entire store selling nothing but cakesadilla's?" Surprise smacked her lips at the thought. Spitfire shook her head at her white furred friend.

"Surprise, no matter how creative the name is, Marexican food mixed with candy will never sound good," she put a lot of emphasis on the word 'never'. Well she could speak for herself because Soarin thought it sounded delicious!

"Hi, guys," Surprise greeted the two stallions in a sprightly fashion. "Whatcha doin'?" she sing-songed. Braeburn shrugged.

"Just cheerin' Soarin up," he replied. Surprise and Spitfire both gave Soarin baffled looks.

"How come?" both of them said in unison. Soarin decided it was best that at least two of his colleagues didn't know about the whole kerfuffle.

"It's a long story. But on the bright side I learned that I might actually form a Ponytones Tribute Band," he decided to say. Braeburn rolled his eyes.

"That's what you've learnt from all o' this?" he grumbled. "Fillies and gentlecolts, we are witnessing the return o' Soarin the Stupid," Braeburn only meant it as a joke, but Soarin wasn't laughing.

Hang on…

Soarin felt something click in his brain as he remembered that he had to pay Braeburn back for the little incident that had taken place earlier. And this was a good opportunity if ever there was one. Braeburn was gonna pay for all the insults he had given him today. Sure, he had just managed to cheer Soarin up, but they weren't quite even yet.

"Hey, Spitfire?" Soarin strolled over to the golden mare.

"What?" the captain asked him. Giving Braeburn a quick (and slightly evil) smirk, he reached down and kissed Spitfire as hard as he could. He felt the pegasus mare tense up and then next thing he knew he was being punched across the face… very… very… hard!

And then he was on the floor, seeing stars. Celestia's mercy, that mare could pack one hell of a wallop. He looked up at the three ponies. Surprise's jaw was slack; Spitfire looked like she was in some kind of battle stance; and Braeburn stood there staring at him, mortified. The look on his face was worth all the pain, even though he felt a tiny bit guilty. Getting up, and getting a head rush in the process, he slunk over to Braeburn, booping him on the nose.

"I lingered!" he cackled. Braeburn looked like he wanted to give Soarin a second punch, or if he was really unlucky a kick to the face. But the earth pony did neither; he breathed in and then out, then glared up at Soarin with his eyes ablaze like green fire.

"You have three seconds t' live!" he almost growled. Soarin, feeling the room grow colder, started to back away.

"Brae…" he squeaked out, but his friend just arched his back as if preparing to run.

"One…" Braeburn started counting. But no more numbers came. Instead he just lurched forward, giving chase to the annoying blue stallion.

"What happened to two and three?!" Soarin screeched as Braeburn chased him down the hall, planning to put his powerful back hooves to good use when he finally caught the pegasus. Spitfire and Surprise were left alone in the hallway, clueless as to what had just happened.

"What was that about?" Spitfire asked Surprise, who sat rigidly on the floor.

"I have no idea…" Surprise scratched her head thoughtfully. Then again, Surprise hardly ever had any ideas. Well, never any good ones, anyway. Spitfire just rolled her orange eyes and exhaled.

"I swear this place gets crazier every day. Especially when it comes to Soarin," she clarified.

"He's not so bad."

Spitfire and Surprise looked to their right, seeing the red mare standing there, munching on a muffin. She spoke directly to Surprise.

"You're right; these things are addictive," she agreed, taking another bite. Spitfire gave her a barren stare.

"Ya know you will have to leave at some point?" she said to her. The red mare swallowed her mouthful of muffin and nodded.

"Yeah, of course," she agreed. Deciding to end the chapter with a fourth wall break, the mare turns and winks at you through the screen.

---

Endnote: And cue the end credits!