*The beautiful people...OOOHHH….*

-Fireworks. Yeah, those are cool-

Ahuizotl: Welcome everybody to Monday Night Lunacy! We are LIVE, here in Loneyville, Equestria! I'm Ahuizotl, and this is my usually frustrating, but ALWAYS insightful broadcast partner...Garble!

Garble: -makes a heart symbol with his fingers- Awww….you remembered me!

Ahuizotl: Well, it seems like the wait wasn't as long for this episode than the wait for the last one…-mumbles-..still not sure why that is-ANYWAY! You're GOING to remember this episode after it's all set and done, folks!

Garble: I'd assume so, my lengthy-faced friend...aaand HERE'S WHY! Last week, in the main event, we crowned the very FIRST Carnage Champion!

Ahuizotl: His name is Rumble, and we're going to hear from 'The Gorgeous One' TONIGHT.

Garble: In addition, we are going to find out just WHO Rumble will be defending his title against in 3 weeks at Retribution. Newcomer Damien Sandow and the educator of the EWF, Bill Nyeker will be fighting for this right. Last week, we saw the career REVIVAL of Mr. Nyeker! He isn't a HORSE, he's a goddamn HUMAN BEING, and he showed us how truly smart he is by realizing that.

Ahuizotl: Speaking of championships, the Chick Combo championships will be on the line in our MAIN EVENT, as the team of Silver Spoon and Turf have their first title defense, against their arch-rivals, Berry Punch and Scootaloo!

Garble: Who seem to FINALLY be on the same page, which is good. They're going to need it.

Ahuizotl: Especially since Diamond Tiara doesn't have her neckbrace weighing her down anymore, you have to figure that she'll be a HUGE benefactor by being in the corner of her besties!

Garble: Security will be earning their paycheck tonight, as Princess Luna GUARANTEED that we WILL hear from our new Eternal Women's Champion, Twilight Sparkle.

Ahuizotl: She has also invited Lightning Dust to join Twilight in the ring. Last week, Lightning Dust CRASHED Twilight's "State of the Championship Address."

Garble: Hopefully Ms. Dust can engage in a calm and civil chat with Twilight. She's lucky she was even invited to the show tonight after the stunt she pulled last week...spitting on our lovely General Manager Luna….the NERVE, 'Zotl!

Ahuizotl: Lightning Dust shouldn't have to be invited to ANYTHING! She WORKS HERE, and she was ROBBED of her title! I just hope Luna is willing to protect her golden egg laying goose….

Garble: Oh, trust me, Luna and Mr. Swirlinaitis picked the BEST possible representative they could've for this brand. Twilight is 100% BEST FOR BUSINESS.

Ahuizotl: Oh please don't start with this….

Garble: Some Joe Blow made it into a t-shirt, 'Zotl...it's not going away anytime soon….

*REDACTED THEME* -mostly boos, but if there are cheers, you know who they're cheering for-

Madden: The following TAG TEAM contest...is scheduled for ONE FAAALLLl! Making their way to the ring, accompanied...by FLEEEUURR…DE LIS! At a combined weight, of 443 POOOUNNDSSS! They are, the Combo of Carnaaaggeee...tag team CHAAAMMPPIIOONNS...Gustave Le Grand, and Faaanccy Paaannttsss...EEEEEGGOOOOOOO!

Ahuizotl: You got a good joke for EGO this week, boy?

Garble: -shakes his head- I don't. And, ya know, even if I did, it doesn't matter. These two are rugged, no-nonsense men. They aren't here to laugh, they're here to prove just how much better they are than everybody else!

Ahuizotl: Well, they haven't faced "everybody else", so that remains to be seen…however, at Retribution, EGO will have their first title defense, when they defend in a three way, against Snips and Snails of SLIME, as well as Davenport and Checkmate of Couch-Mate.

Garble: EGO sure doesn't see it as being much of a challenge, and can you blame them? Couch-Mate? Enough said there...and SLIME? They've beaten the same team over and over! What threat are they?

Ahuizotl: Well, they may be at a handicapped state, because the woman that helped them WIN the titles, Fleur De Lis, just may be busy herself that night.

Garble: I will usually come to bat for a beautiful woman like Fleur, but all I can think about when I look at her is your berating screams at Proving Grounds when she kicked Granny Smith in the kidney.

Ahuizotl: I was going to never bring that up again, but after Applejack's passionate promo on Friday, I just can't help! I want Applejack to PULVERIZE Fleur's own kidney, and turn that pretty little face into MASH! Let's see how she likes that! I BET SHE WON'T! I SURE AS HELL BET SHE WON'T! ACCEPT THE CHALLENGE, FLEUR! ACCEPT THE DAMN CHALLENGE!

-Fleur poses in the middle of her clients, as numerous wolf-whistles can be heard-

*Ehehehe….everybody come see the greatest show….* -quite a few cheers-

Madden: Aaaandd THEIR OPPONENTS! Representing THEEEE ODDITIES! Accompanied to the ring, by Hugh Jelly, and Miiiddniight Strike! At a combined weight, of 511 POOOOUUNNDDSSS...the team of Dance Fever….and CLIIIPP CLOOOPP!

Garble: I mentioned EGO's opponents at Retribution, but here's a loser GROUP. Very rare nowadays….

Ahuizotl: The Oddities were downright BETRAYED by Bill Nyeker, just so he could turn the Lunacy ring into his own CLASSROOM.

Garble: Yes! It was the PERFECT career move for Mr. Nyeker!

Ahuizotl: Did The Oddities even know about it, though? Did Mr. Nyeker even care enough to tell them!?

Garble: These freaks dancing around our announce table right now OBVIOUSLY didn't care about Mr. Nyeker if they didn't know that he felt this way.

Ahuizotl: NO, maybe HE never cared enough to talk to them about it! Why would he join the damn group only to leave it a month later?!

Garble: Probably has a launching pad to do what he's doing now! Why does it even matter? The Oddities have been rightfully EXPELLED, and REMOVED from Mr. Nyeker's class roster. What is there to worry about?

Ahuizotl: For him? Damien Sandow later tonight….

Garble: Yeah? Well that's later tonight. Right now he gets to watch the Special Ed. kids get MANHANDLED by the Yale graduates….

Match 1: EGO w/ Fleur De Lis vs Clip Clop & Dance Fever w/ Midnight Strike and Hugh Jelly

-6 minutes later-

-Clip Clop drops Gustave to the mat with an Atomic Drop, and then sets up for The Whoopie Cushion finisher. Fleur De Lis gets on the apron and whips her hair around in front of the referee, much to both his and the male fans in the crowd's delight-

Ahuizotl: Yet again another PERFECT example of why I want to see this braud down on her back...and I DON'T mean the way she spends her Friday Night…

Garble: Ohhh SHIIIITT!

-Clip Clop bounces off the ropes as Dance Fever tags himself in, but Fancy grabs onto the top rope with both of his hands and pulls down, sending the large clown down to the floor with a thud. On the other side of the ring, Midnight Strike has succeeded in yanking Fleur off of the ring apron by her hair. She attempts to punch her, but Fleur ducks at the last second, quickly pulls a bottle of hair spray out of her purse, and unleashes it into the eyes of Midnight. The crowd OOOH's-

Garble: You've gotta admit, though, 'Zotl...she is resourceful as all hell!

-Fleur shoves Midnight into the barricade with Force, and puts the bottle back into her purse like nothing ever happened. Hugh runs over to check on his girlfriend, but is met with a big boot to the face, courtesy of Fancy Pants. As all of this is happening, in the ring, Dance Fever lets off just enough concern over his fellow stable-mates to be blindsided with "Le Grand Finale" by Gustave!-

1…...2…..3!

Ahuizotl: And they did it AGAIN! EGO wins AGAIN, thanks to their devilish manager!

Madden: Here are your WINNERS…..EGGGOOOO!

-Fleur De Lis enters the ring with a microphone, along with Fancy, who is soon returned with his belt, as is his partner-

Garble: I'll admit, 'Zotl...I'm not denying EGO's success, I mean hell, look at the titles they have! But they haven't been able to win a SINGLE match without the help of Fleur De Lis!

Ahuizotl: It's absolutely PATHETIC at this point! Midnight Strike hasn't cost any of The Oddities' opponents their matches! She just stands there in SUPPORT!

Garble: Hell, for about a month, Midnight was, albeit unintentionally, screwed by her OWN managers! EGO is going to have to win a match on their OWN if they want to solidify themselves as WORTHY champions.

Ahuizotl: For once, we agree. Either way, the Jezebel has a mic...is she going to accept Applejack's challenge? I PRAY she does…

-Fleur hands the mic to Fancy before she can say anything, causing the crowd to boo-

Garble: What a tease…

Fancy: To the shock of no one, me and my fellow gentlepartner easily disposed of those Yippy-Ki-Yay apple-huskers at Proving Grounds, en route to becoming the prominent tag team in the Equestrian Wrestling Federation. Though, as usual, the less fortunate always find a way to paint the elite as the bad guys….those pesky Apples are trying to blame the lovely Mrs. Fleur for their failures, when really….they're just...not good enough. -chuckles- Physically, nor characteristically. Need we remind you that the lady who fired the first shot at ringside that night was that Jurassic dust-bunny known as Granny Smith…-crowd boos- Mrs. Fleur is a highly sought-after model all over Equestria, and soon she will going to Los Angeles for a photo shoot, which will be put in Maxim magazine's "100 Most Beautiful Women in the World" edition. That saggy Apple tried to RUIN Mrs. Fleur's delicate dimples! THESE DIMPLES ARE MONEY! And so Mrs. Fleur decided to do some...collateral damage, because let's face it...Mrs. Fleur's face will be used for many more years to come, whereas Granny Smith's kidneys wouldn't be working for much longer anyway….I mean, she isn't going to be around for much longer, either way….-massive array of boos-

Ahuizotl: Smug assholes…..-the announced table shakes with his rage-

Crowd: FUCK YOU, EGO! *CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP* FUCK YOU, EGO! *CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP* FUCK YOU, EGO! *CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP*

Fancy: So….beautiful face, or….decrepit, shriveled up kidneys….take your pick on which you'd rather have stick around….

Crowd: WE WANT KIDNEYS! *CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP* WE WANT KIDNEYS! *CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP* WE WANT KIDNEYS! *CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP*

Garble: Probably not even in the top 10 weirdest chants we've heard in this place….

Fancy: Of course you do...you're just as bad as all those dreadful Apples! You all should be living in BARNS! -more boos- That is why, at Retribution...Mrs. Fleur will prove she is MORE than just a pretty face, when she makes APPLESAUCE out of her precious granddaughter. And THAT, will result in that fossil dropping to the floor, and the final thing she will witness...is Mrs. Fleur standing PROUDLY, and SOPHISTICATEDLY over the cracked roots...of the Apple family tree…..-Gustave and Fancy each a hand of Fleur's, as she smiles widely-

Ahuizotl: I never thought I would be angry with this job, Garble...I thought this would be fun….wrestling is FUN! It's SUPPOSED to be fun, at least! There's just...so many HORRIBLE people on Lunacy, it makes this job harder and harder every week….why can't it just be some simple competition? WHY DO THEY HAVE TO TAUNT THE APPLES WITH THE DEATH OF GRANNY SMITH?! WHAT THE HELL KIND OF TACTIC IS THAT?!

Garble: The fear tactic, my friend. And I'll agree with you once again, it's pretty disgusting….but Applejack can make Fleur eat every single one of her-well, FANCY's words at Retribution.

Ahuizotl: THAT is the match I want to see on the card, I don't give a damn what else Lunacy or Sublime have to offer...I want to see Fleur De Lis get EVERYTHING she deserves! She can spray a bottle, but can she throw a punch? I HIGHLY doubt it, and I'm not going to be able to stop laughing when I'm proved right…..

-Fleur blows a kiss at the crowd, as she and EGO exit the arena-

-Backstage, we see a splitscreen. On one side, we see Sunset Shimmer walking with her newly received Crater Chick championship. She stops to intimidate a random backstage crew member, and continues walking with a smirk on her face. On the other side, we see Fluttershy timidly walking, looking at the ground with her fists balled up as Rarity walks with her, offering encouragement.-

Ahuizotl: Speaking of horrible people...well, not Rarity or Fluttershy, but her opponent for tonight, Sunset Shimmer….

Garble: Before she challenges for the Crater Chick championship at Retribution, Rarity will manage her friend in action...NEXT.

*Commercial*

*You're too shy shy, hush hush...eye to eye…* -Cheers II: Electric Cheeraloo-

Madden: The following contest...is scheduled for ONE FALL! Making her way to the ring, accompanied by RAARRITY! From Loneyville...weighing in at 140 POOOUNDSS...FLUTTTERSSHHHYYY!

-The calm and soothing guitar melody of Kajagoogoo leads Fluttershy and Rarity to the ring. Rarity tries to psyche up her friend, but Fluttershy seems to be nervous in front of this new crowd.-

Ahuizotl: Awww...poor Fluttershy. Why can't everybody on this damn show have a heart as big as this young lady's?

Garble: She is quite the sweetheart. But being sweet won't help her in the ring. She needs to be VISCOUS, ESPECIALLY if against an assassin like Sunset Shimmer, who can detect ANY weakness off of her opponent and EXPLOIT it. That's why Cadance is going to be out of commision for a while…

Ahuizotl: You're right again, boy. This is wrestling, not the Animal Sanctuary. Sunset deserves a few of her own bones broken, and it'd be quite the metamorphosis if the quiet and introverted Fluttershy would be the one to do it.

Garble: That would also make Rarity champion by default.

Ahuizotl: I don't think Rarity would take the victory that way, but she really wouldn't have any other choice.

*Now trending on Twitter: EGO, #WeWantKidneys*

*And now….it's all over now….* -BOOS! GET YOUR ICE COLD REFRESHING' BOOS HERE!-

Madden: Aaaand HER OPPONENT! From Canterlot, weighing in at 142 POOOUNDSSS...she is, the Craaatter Chick CHAAAMMPPIOONN...SUNSSSEEETTTT...SHIIMMEERRR!

Ahuizotl: Earlier today on Twitter, Sunset Shimmer described this as a "warm-up match", and if that doesn't give you an idea of just how self-entitled this woman is, than I don't know what will…

Garble: And NOTHING will take that away from Sunset Shimmer. As far as I know, she's ALWAYS been this way. And now that she has a title, and on Luna and Mr. Swirlinaitis' good side, it's only to get worse from here on out. Fluttershy better watch herself, or else she'll be joining Cadance in that hospital…

Match 2: Sunset Shimmer vs Fluttershy w/ Rarity

-Sunset removes her title from her shoulder, leans down below the ropes, and flaunts the title right in front of Rarity's face-

Sunset: -whispering- You'll never have this….NEVER- -Sunset is caught off guard as Fluttershy rolls her up, her title being unintentionally german suplexed as the crowd cheers-

Ahuizotl: Oh! From behind! Fluttershy! -1…..2..- Fluttershy! -kickout- Damn! Sunset almost got too cocky for her own good!

-Sunset immediately rebounds in getting up on her feet, and launching her foot into Fluttershy. Her boot catches her in the sternum, and her shin smashes into Fluttershy's nose, causing a loud "SMACK!" The crowd OOOH's, as Fluttershy falls to the mat, clutching her face-

Garble: Sunset isn't playing around anymore...don't expect her to get caught off guard like that again….

-Sunset has a demonic scowl on her face, as she shoves her title into the referee, and stalks Fluttershy, stomping on her face, then her arms, then her legs, and then finally, into her stomach-

Garble: It's not looking good for Flutters….that roll-up may have been the only hope she had….

Ahuizotl: No! Come on, Fluttershy! Pull through!

-8 minutes later-

-Fluttershy has been battered all match, but she hasn't been beat yet. Sunset is currently wrenching on her neck, as she has Fluttershy trapped in a sleeper hold. Rarity is pounding on the mat, trying to liven up Fluttershy's offense-

Crowd: FLUTTERSHY! FLUTTERSHY! FLUTTERSHY! FLUTTERSHY! FLUTTERSHY!

Ahuizotl: This is what she needs! Give somebody the courage, and they WON'T let you down!

-Sooner or later, Fluttershy has removed herself from her seated position, and before we know it, she is sending elbows into the stomach of Sunset. They are slow, but with each one, Sunset's leverage slips less and less. Finally, with one last elbow, Fluttershy is free of her grasp, and she flips Sunset over and onto the map with a hip-toss. Rarity throws her arm into the air, and the crowd celebrates-

Ahuizotl: There you go! It's the simplest of moves, but it means SO MUCH right now!

-Fluttershy can't believe it. She is knees-down on the map, contemplating what to do next as Sunset stirs in the corner, in the position she had just had Fluttershy in. Fluttershy gets to her feet, soaking in the cheers of the audience. She looks around at them, and then at Rarity's approving smile. Fluttershy thrusts her index fingers into the air, and lets out a hushed yell of…-

Fluttershy: Yay! Yay! Yay!

Ahuizotl: Feed off the energy, Fluttershy! Feed off it, girl!

Garble: But she'd better hurry up, though! Sunset isn't going to just lie there for her!

-By now, Sunset is still stirring, though her back is against the turnbuckles, her arms draped over the top rope. Fluttershy runs at her, looking for a running dropkick, but Sunset avoids it at the last minute, causing Fluttershy's thighs to hit the top turnbuckle, and then the back of her head crashing into the mat. The crowd OOOH's, and Rarity folds her arms and puts her head on top of them-

Ahuizotl: God...did you hear that whiplash?

Garble: We all did….the crowd is so hushed now, they could hear a pin drop…

-Sunset wastes no time, forcefully picking Fluttershy up, and then quickly levelling her with The Last Sunset, and hooking her leg, glaring at Rarity mercifully as the referee begins to count-

-1….- Ahuizotl: Kick out, Fluttershy! Kick out! -2…..3…- DAMMIT!

Madden: Here is your winner...SUNSEEETT...SHIMMMERR….-crowd boos immensely-

-The referee hands Sunset her title, and then tries to raise her hand with it, but she jerks her hand out of his grasp-

Ahuizotl: What a valiant effort by Fluttershy….I know it's wrestling, but I can't help but feel for her….

Garble: This is why General Manager Luna and Mr. Swirlinaitis chose her. She can adapt to any situation. Her back was against the wall, but she still got the job done. You can call her a bitch, you can call her whatever. She's a champion most of all, and with dominating performances like that, it's gonna be that way for a long time…..

-Sunset never takes her eyes off of Fluttershy. She drops her title on the ground and picks up Fluttershy once again, looking to hit her with The Last Sunset once again-

Ahuizotl: Goddammit go away! You won! WHY DO PEOPLE DO THIS?! JUST LEAVE!

-Rarity rushes in the ring, and that gesture is enough to send Sunset scurrying out of the ring with her title-

Ahuizotl: Thank God Rarity was at ringside, otherwise I was about to have another meltdown….

Garble: I'll admit, I admire the heart of Fluttershy, but she had no chance here. Rarity, however, is going to give Sunset Shimmer the fight of her life, I can tell!

Ahuizotl: I hope so...I really need something to believe in around here….

-Sunset stands on the ramp, brushing a strand of hair out of her mouth, and raising her title high in the air, much to the chagrin of the crowd-

*Backstage*

-Flash Sentry is pacing around the Gorilla Position. Sunset comes through the curtain, and he is there to greet her-

Flash: -smiles- Great job out there, Sunny…-he gets a kiss on the lips. He tries to push past her- I'll be right back…

Sunset: Whoa, whoa, baby….you're going out there? If you stay back here, we can have soooooooo much fun…-giggles and drapes her arms over his shoulders-

Flash: I would LOVE to right now, Sunny….but I've…..I've got to get things settled with Shining...I want to go out to that ring and talk all this drama out with him. You don't mind, do you?

Sunset: Oh...I understand COMPLETELY. You guys are basically brothers...you've been through SO MUCH….-thinks-...okay. I'll be at my locker room, awaiting your return…-gives him a wink, causing him to blush- Oh! But, before you go….mind if I give you my two cents?

Flash: Ummm..of course. What is it that you wanted to say?

-Sunset leans in Flash's ear, beginning to whisper-

Ahuizotl: Oh...what lies is this evil wench putting into his head now?

*Commercial*

-The broadcast returns with Flash Sentry already in the ring. His theme music is playing, and he has a microphone in his hand. He looks like he doesn't want to do this at all-

Ahuizotl: We are BACK on Monday Night Lunacy, and, as Flash Sentry said, he wants to talk to Shining Armor. Well, they've got a LOT to talk about…

Garble: The things people have been calling this man on social media are both hilarious and BARELY acceptable on national television, so I will only say them ONCE….-a minute of bleeped out Garble follows-

Ahuizotl: ….Damn.

Garble: I KNOW.

-Flash is about to speak, but the crowd interrupts him with chants of "YOU'RE A PU-SSY" and the trademark five claps which either strike the superstars' hearts with fear or joy.-
*Now trending on Twitter: Fluttershy, Sunset Shimmer, #CommentatorBros*

Ahuizotl: ...Yeesh. Does this man REALLY deserve this, Garble?

Garble: Well, let me ask you this, 'Zotl...would you give ME, YOUR partner up, for some pussy of your own?

Ahuizotl: Yeah. I don't even like you.

Garble: Then I guess my analogy doesn't work. HOW SHOULD I KNOW IF HE DESERVES THIS? I don't know! Does he rape children? Does he reuse coupons he gets in the mail? I don't know!

Ahuizotl: I don't know, either.

Garble: The point is, he's a pussy, but he get pussy. But he don't deserve the pussy he gets, cuz he IS a pussy. Do you follow?

Ahuizotl: …..I can RE-USE coupons?

Garble: -pats his shoulder with a light smile- I've taught you well….

Flash: ….This past month….hasn't been easy for me….I am so close, to losing SO MUCH…..-looks up with a bright smile-...I know how to fix this, though…..Shining Armor...my buddy, my partner...my BROTHER. Come out here-

*The sky turns to a different shade of blu-eee* -many cheers-

Ahuizotl: And here comes Flash Sentry's crestfallen tag team partner, who is ALSO close to losing so much.

Garble: The tale of the BroMans is a sad one, for sure. I hope they can patch things up, tonight. They're a great team, they've just got to get into the right mindset….

-Shining enters the ring, and Flash hands him his own mic-

Flash: ...Hey bro.

Shining: -pauses- ...Hey, Flash.

Flash: We both know that this needs to end….now.

Shining: -nods- Absolutely. Then I guess you know what needs to be DONE...right?

Flash: -smiles- ….Absolutely.

Shining: -breathes a sigh of relief- FINALLY! That bitch has had your balls in a vice grip for TOO long, man! Cut her loose!

Flash: -turns his head- ….Wait….what?

Shining: What the hell do you mean "what"? You know who I'm talking about! That succubus, Sunset! I told you from DAY ONE, dude, she was BAD NEWS for you. Now, it took you 8 years to listen to me, but better late than never, right?

Flash: ….I don't think we're at an agreement with what needs to be done…. -scowls-

Shining: WHAT. Do you MEAN?! She controls your EVERY. WAKING. MOVE! We used to hang out, we used to have FUN! But all she has to do is wave her big ol' tits in your face, and suddenly you're MESMERIZED! You are a fucking DOOR-MAT to her! -crowd cannot stop cheering-

Flash: -flies in Shining's face- SHE TOOK CARE OF ME WHEN NO ONE ELSE WOULD! When the wound in my leg wouldn't heal, she fixed the wound in my heart…-intense boos-

Shining: FUCK OFF with that CHEESY SHIT! She nurtured you just so you wouldn't LEAVE her ass!

Flash: Well then maybe you should've BEEN THERE FOR ME!

Shining: I was fighting for your right to even LOOK at that BITCH! I was fighting for THEM! -points at the crowd, earning so many cheers-

Flash: And Sunny was fighting for MY RECOVERY!

Shining: And now she's fighting for the destruction of our FRIENDSHIP! For the destruction of my relationship with CADANCE! WHY THE FUCK DID SHE GET PUT IN THE MIDDLE OF THIS?! AND WHY ARE ALLOWING IT!? You used to think of her as a SISTER, man! NOW WHAT DO YOU THINK?! HUH?!

Flash: -gritting his teeth- I think….that everyone should mind their OWN DAMN BUSINESS! Me and Sunny are HAPPY TOGETHER! WHY WON'T YOU LET US BE!?

Shining: Because SHE won't let US BE! Why the FUCK can't you see this?!

Flash: I don't WANT to see it! You don't know Sunny like I do!...NONE OF YOU DO! She may do things that I don't approve of, but she's done so much for ME, and for OTHERS, that I DO APPROVE OF! I'm an asshole sometimes, too! EVERYBODY IS! THE HUMAN RACE...IS FILLED...WITH ASSHOLES! WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE IF MY GIRL LIKES TO SCREW AROUND?!

Shining: She's screwing around with the wrong dude...Cadance can't trust me anymore because of that bitch. Her mind games are RUINING MY LIFE!

Flash: Well maybe you shouldn't take life SO SERIOUSLY!

Shining: I have to take EVERYTHING IN LIFE SERIOUSLY WITH THAT SLUT ARO-

-Flash wallops Shining in the forehead with his mic, drawing blood a few seconds after contact-

Ahuizotl: WHAT?! NO! NO!

Garble: WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!

-The crowd unleashes every single boo in their system upon Flash, who is standing over his fallen friend, who has blood pouring out of skull by the milliliter.-

Ahuizotl: I CANNOT BELIEVE WHAT I'M SEEING!

-Flash slowly lowers himself over Shining's chest, and begins throwing down slow punches at him. The more he punches, the quicker and more ferocious they get. As do the boos-

Flash: SUNSET'S A SLUT, HUH?! I'M HER SLUT! AND I'M PROUD OF IT! -a flurry of more punches-

Garble: Finally the bastard admits it!

Ahuizotl: GET HIM OUT OF THE RING! THAT MUCH BLOOD SHOULDN'T BE LOST BY A HUMAN BEING!

-Flash ceases punching, and opts to stand over Shining Armor's lifeless body, who has one arm laid over his stomach, and the other out to the side. Blood continues to pour out of his head and flow like a waterfall down the side of his head and envelop the ring mat-

Garble: I think I'm gonna be sick….

-Sunset Shimmer sidles down to the ring, ringing in more boos from the EWF universe-

Ahuizotl: And there's the mastermind behind it all….how can she sleep at night?

Garble: She probably has dreams of how she can make people's lives MORE miserable….

-Sunset enters the ring, and surveys the damage that Flash has caused. She can't help but seductively grin at the pain that Shining Armor is going through. She takes Flash's fists, and she licks the blood clean off of them-

Garble: What the fuuuu…..

Ahuizotl: …..

-Flash bites his lip at this gesture, and then caresses the back of her with a hand. They then both lean in, and partake in an ultra sloppy tongue tennis match. Ahuizotl throws his headset on the ground in seething rage, as the crowd has not ceased booing-

Crowd: BUUULLL-SHIT! BUUULLL-SHIT! BUUUULLL-SHIT! BUUUULLL-SHIT!

Garble: I….I don't…..why? No, no, no, FUCKING WHY?

-Sunset and Flash continue to make out as Sunset's theme plays-

Crowd: SUNSET'S SLUT! SUNSET'S SLUT! SUNSET'S SLUT! SUNSET'S SLUT! SUNSET'S SLUT!

-Flash and his gal cease the spit-swap, allowing Flash to flip off the crowd. Sunset digs a hand down Flash's pants, barely able to contain herself-

Garble: Enough of this...this SHIT. 'Zotl….'Zotl! Come on man, talk to me….

-We go to commercial with the lasting image of Sunset dabbing her index finger into Shining's blood, like an artist getting ready to paint, and then having Flash suck the blood right off of it-

-The show returns with a shot of a disgruntled Garble. Next to him is Ahuizotl, who has his face buried in his hands-

Garble: We are back, and after some talk with my broadcast partner over the break, ummm….he's not going to put his headset back on...and um….to be honest I feel like doing the same thing right now….but...someone has to speak for Ahuizotl….so I will. Of course he's pissed about what we just saw in the ring. It was disgusting, it was….well it was borderline criminal. Aaaand it's no secret...we don't agree on much….but tonight, I'm really starting to see things from his point of view. That was….that was way more than I can take. And I'm...I'm really starting to see that this show...has a LOT of shitty people on it…...sooo...Ahuizotl is done for the night, and I don't blame him...but somebody has to call the action...and I guess that guy is me. Ummm...in closing…..this situation has gone too far. A man just assaulted his best friend, his figurative BROTHER. I….I don't see what this has to do with wrestling...AT ALL. I do not know what Shining Armor is going through….but I feel for him...I feel for Cadance...I feel for anybody that had to watch the BULLSHIT...that we just saw in the ring….and we-I….will give you an update on his condition...whenever I am told what is going on….because he lost a lot of blood, folks….maybe too much….I know….we as commentators….are supposed to be unbiased but let's face it both me and Ahuizotl have already broke that stupid rule. I've been singing Sunset's praises for a month now. She can do no wrong! She's an angel!...No. No. It's far from that…..and Ahuizotl sings the praises of the quote on quote "good guys" of Lunacy….and I...I just can't root for a woman like Sunset Shimmer after what she just did...so….I'll say this….Shining Armor may have shed many a blood drop….but I hope he has enough blood left in him, I hope his heart pumps enough...to the point where he can kick Flash Sentry's ass! And fuck up Sunset Shimmer, too! Who gives a shit? Women aren't pure….they're goddamn evil….-sighs heavily-...now let's go backstage to Silver Shill….

Silver Shill: -somberly- Thank you, Garble. Ladies and gentlemen, I am standing by with the NEW Carnage Champion...Rumble. -Rumble doesn't even look Silver in the eyes, as he is too busy taking selfies, surrounded by Flitter, who is laying her head against Rumble's shoulder, Cloudchaser, who is prepping her hair, and Bulk Biceps, who is looking menacing in the background with his arms crossed- Now, Rumble, tonight, we are going to find out who you will defend your title against in 3 weeks at Retributi-

Rumble: Shhhhh….shhh shhh shhh shhh shhhh….can you hear that? It's the sound….of nobody caring. -continues taking selfies- And why should anybody care? I took out Overuggo, and now the EWF fans...have the GORGEOUS champion they had all been hoping for. -chuckles- He didn't even DESERVE that title, based on the stupid decision to allow my Roses to be in the match with me.

Cloudchaser: -gasps- Speaking of which, that means me and Flitter have officially BEATEN that rusty hunk of metal. And now, we've got a match, and we're going to make you proud of us AGAIN, baby...just like last week. -Cloudchaser and Flitter each give Rumble a peck on the cheek, and walk off hand in hand, with Horsepower in tow-

Rumble: -smirking-...it's good to be the champ. I don't need to scout this match-pfft..I don't even need to WATCH this match...because now...being a champion...my selfies mean more than EVER….so why stop a good thing? Whoever wins, will just be the first in a category of MANY that will fall to...Prince Pretty…-walks off, still snapping selfies-

Silver: -looks at the camera- Flitter and Cloudchaser are in action….NEXT.

*Commercial*

-The show returns with Rumble's theme already playing as Flitter and Cloudchaser are already in the ring. Flitter applies lip gloss, and then bumps rumps with Cloudchaser-
*Now trending on Twitter: Sunset Shimmer (second time tonight), Flash Sentry, Cadance*

-Lyra and Bon Bon's theme music plays to much fanfare, mostly from the men-

Madden: Aaaaannddd their opponent! At a combined weight, of 260 POOOUNDS! LYYYYRRAAAAA….aaand BON BON!

Garble: Here's something to be happy about on Lunacy...LESBIANS! I still love 'em! Never gonna stop, and the fact that in this case, the two female lovers are also TAG TEAM PARTNERS is adorable and I can barely take it AGGGHHH.

-Lyra and Bon Bon jump on the apron and spread their legs over the middle rope. They are about to enter the ring, but they tease the fans by straddling the ropes and shaking their rumps-

Garble: And EVEN HOTTER is when the lesbians KNOW that their sexual orientation IS HOT!

-Lyra and Bon Bon are about to kiss each other, but Flitter and Cloudchaser run up and knee them both in the gut, sending them down to the floor-

Garble: Aww DAMMIT! WHY WOULD YOU RUIN IT?! -Bulk Bicepsr glares over at him, Garble gulps- I guess what they say is true….every rose DOES have its thorn…-Ahuizotl gives Garble a pained expression, before slamming his head against the announce desk. Garble is laughing- W-WHAT?! Even in silence you've got to ruin my good vibes!

-Synchronized, Flitter and Cloudchaser ram Lyra and Bon Bon's back into the barricade, and then toss them back in the ring, after which they high five each other-

Match 3: Flitter & Cloudchaser w/ Bulk Biceps vs Lyra & Bon Bon

-13 minutes later-

-Flitter is flat down on the mat, and Lyra is crawling towards Bon Bon, who has been looking to be tagged in for 7 minutes now-

Garble: Lyra's gonna make the tag! Flitter is in no condition to stop it!

-Cloudchaser realizes this, and enters the ring to stop the tag from happening. She runs at Lyra, who at the last second is able to stand on her feet, and avoid Cloudchaser, causing her to end up in the clutches of Bon Bon, who vaults Cloudchaser over the top rope and down to the floor-

Garble: Good wherewithal by Bon Bon to dispose of the gnat known as Cloudchaser….a SEXY gnat, at that. Gnat...that...I R RHYMING.

-Cloudchaser quickly stirs to her feet, but she isn't standing for long, as she is met with Bon Bon, who jumped off the apron and nailed Cloudchaser with a front-flip senton! The crowd cheers-

Garble: What a maneuver by Bon Bon! Wonder if she's that athletic in bed...oh well, she's lezzy so I guess I'll never know…

-In the ring, Lyra is applauding her girl's offense, when she is cut off by Flitter, who rolls her up-

-1…..- Garble: Flitter's got the tights! FLITTER'S GOT THE TIGHTS! -2…..3! Most of the crowd boos as Flitter quickly rolls out of the ring as Lyra puts her hands over her head in shock-

Madden: Here are YOUR WINNERS….Fliiiitterrr….and CLOUDCHASSEERRR!

-Cloudchaser, holding her back in pain, walks over to Flitter and is met with an armpit hug. A few seconds later, Bulk Biceps arrives to pick the ladies up in his arms-

Garble: Aww...I hate it when lesbians lose, but you can't really stick up for them here. Lyra shouldn't have taken her eye off of her opponent, no matter HOW bad Flitter looked out of it. Now I'm sure that Rumble is proud of his girls! If he isn't...taking selfies, that is…

-Bon Bon enters the ring to see Lyra giving her a "I'm sorry I disappointed you" look. Bon Bon debunks the feeling of disappointment as she gives Lyra a hug. The crowd cheers-

Garble: Awww! It's...so...beautiful! -sheds a tear- Lesbians never lose in the end! Hope is restored! Rome is rebuilt! 9/11 was a figment of our imaginations! Twist retired from pro wrestling! ALL the joyful things!

*General Manager's office…*

-Luna and Swirlinaitis are watching the show together. They give each other a look, Swirlinaitis nodding-

Swirlinaitis: Tonight's been a good show so far…

Luna: If we ignore the obvious...problem...on our hands.

Swirlinaitis: Ah, yes! I know what you're talking about...what are we going to do?

Luna: I believe we will have to handle that situation...next week.

Swirlinaitis: You're the boss. Got any ideas?

Luna: I've only got one, and it makes more sense than any other. I think we will both agree that it will be BEST….for BUSINESS….-Luna and Swirlinaitis chuckle, as we head back to the arena-

*I swear I won't tease you, won't tell you no lies….* -nobody even boos, they all just turn their backs-

Madden: It's a match…..

-Twist does things. They're horrifying. God does us a favor and skips through them.-

*I wanna rock! ROCK!...*

-All the fans turn their around in curiosity, as a giant boulder rolls down the stage at a rapid pace-

Madden: Aaaand her opponent! From BOULDER, COLORADO! Weighing in at ONE SOLITARY TON…..TOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMM!

Garble: It's a…..rock?

-Tom leaps over the top rope, ready for battle-

Match 4: Twist vs Tom

-As soon as the bell rings, Tom literally BARRELS over Twist, crushing her with his full weight-

Garble: THE ROCKY ROAD!

-1….2…..3! The crowd erupts in cheers, as Tom wastes no time rolling backstage. The referee puts on surgical gloves and rolls Twist out of the ring-

Madden: Here is YOUR WINNER….TOOOOOOMMM!

Garble: What an IMPACTFUL debut by Tom! -Looks over at Ahuizotl- WHAT? That time the pun WASN'T intentional!

Crowd: THAT WAS AWE-SOME! *CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP* THAT WAS AWE-SOME! *CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP* THAT WAS AWE-SOME! *CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP*

Garble: Couldn't agree more….maybe Twist will STAY AWAY after that 'Close Encounter of the Third Sediment'...-looks back at Ahuizotl- WHAT?! Yeah I know I'm on a roll! HAHA! GET IT?! Because Tom ROLLS? AHAHAHAHAHA-let's go backstage…

*Interview Area…*

Silver Shill: I am standing by with Bill Nyeker-

Bill: That's MR. Nyeker to you, Mr. Shill…..

Silver: Sorry...MR. Nyeker. Up next, you will face off against the man that interrupted your….lesson, last week...Damien Sandow. If you win, you will face Rumble at Retribution for the Carnage Championship. Your thoughts?

Bill: Mr. Sandow is EXACTLY what I didn't want to encounter during my teaching career. He says he's intelligent, but one does not simply walk into my classroom while I am teaching my students. He didn't have a Tardy pass! He's violated every rule imaginable! Not arriving to class on time, loitering his wardrobe around the room-OH! And lest not forget his REPULSIVE wardrobe to begin with! The robe was fine….it made him look sophisticated enough...but then...he shed his SKIN, and brought upon my retinas his TRUE self...him and those….ech….GIRLS, we shall loosely call them...he was with...well tonight, Mr. Sandow, I am enrolling you in my NEWEST course…-chuckles- My CRASH COURSE. And you're going to flunk, Mr. Sandow. Not only will I hit you...with the Polynesian War...but I will fire the first, and FINAL shot...in OUR war. It can't even be CALLED a war in that regard, now CAN it? I'm going to BLITZKRIEG you into OBLIVION, Mr. Sandow….and EXPEL you from my class...INDEFINITELY. And then, Mr. Rumble, since I guess you don't have a last name…-shakes his head- I'm going to deal with you! Didn't you know that there are no CELL PHONES allowed in class? Of course you didn't! You didn't listen to the rules I laid out! Nobody ever does! But after Retribution suppresses….ALL of my students will pay attention….to ME. -Smacks his yard stick against the wall, breaking it, and then stomping off grumpily. We go to commercial with Silver Shill shockingly looking at the many splinters on the ground-

Madden: The following contest...is scheduled for ONE FALL, and is to determine...the number 1 contender….to the CARRNNAAGGEE...CHAAMMPPIONNSHHIIPP! -Crowd cheers-

*The dreadful sound of a school bell rings through the arena. "CLASS….IS IN SESSION!" says the voice of Bill Nyeker as the generic rock music continues to blare in the background as the crowd boos*

Madden: Introducing FIRST! From CANTERLOT...weighing in at 224 POUNDS…..BIIILLL...NYYYEEEKKEER!

Garble: This upcoming match is going to mean so much for both parties involved. Mr. Nyeker and Damien Sandow have never even faced off before, but yet one of them is going to be the number one contender by the end of this match. Hell, NEITHER of these men have competed in a one on one match here in the EWF. I'd say everything is pretty much even….Mr. Nyeker automatically gets major props for actually wrestling in that Cardigan Sweatervest, though. It's so stylish!

*Hallelujah….Hallelujah…* -many cheers-

Madden: Aaaand HIS OPPONENT! From Palo Alto, California…..weighing in at 247 POUNDS….The Intellectual Savior of DEM ASSES…...DAAAMMIIEENN..SANDOOOOWWW!

-Sandow enters in the arena in his blue robe, with two different girls then last week, one of each by his side. He throws his arms into the air and looks to the ceiling, before pulling out a pair of sunglasses from his robe pocket. The girls dance around him, and he slides the sunglasses over his eyes while watching them with a "Dat Ass" face. He then disrobes to reveal his alternate attire from last weeks. He then dances a little with the girls before wrapping an arm around their forearms. Now he begins to walk to the ring, Nyeker scowling at him all the while-

*Now trending on Twitter: TOM, LyraxBonBon, Nyeker*

Garble: I'd love to hang out with this dude, but Mr. Nyeker assigned an essay and it's due by the end of tonight...UGH PEER PRESSURE IS BALLS. I'm gonna go do some pot.

-Sandow and his ladies are standing on the apron. The girls grab Sandow's hands, and with their help, as well as the top rope, Sandow is able to Skin-the-Cat and land in the ring. He takes off his chains and removes his jacket, and then does a Cartwheel, earning even more cheers from the crowd-

Garble: Gotta admit, though….that Cardigan Sweatervest ain't looking too good when pitted against that MAJESTIC cartwheel!

Sandow: -points out at the crowd- YOU'RE WELCOME! -grins as more cheers are heard-

Crowd: THANK YOU SANDOW! *CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP* THANK YOU SANDOW! *CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP* THANK YOU SANDOW! *CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP*

Garble: Never has somebody had the crowd in the palm of their hand SO quickly...and effortlessly, really….

Match 5: Carnage Championship Number 1 Contenders Match: Damien Sandow vs Bill Nyeker

-14 minutes later-

-Sandow hits Nyeker with a Russian leg sweep, following through by immediately popping back up to his feet. He then throws a hand into the air, with just the index and middle finger outstretched, almost like he's ready to take a bow. He flips his head backwards with his eyes closed, once again looking up at the ceiling. He then turns his hand to where only the index finger is pointing behind him. Finally, he whirls his index finger around like a flesh twister, before dropping his elbow onto Nyeker's chest. The crowd golf claps in response-

Crowd: LIKE A SIR! LIKE A SIR! LIKE A SIR! LIKE A SIR! LIKE A SIR!

Garble: It starts off so elegant, but it ends up in PAIN! I don't know what that's called, but I bet Sandow has a fancy name for it….

-Sandow goes for a cover just as Rumble is running down the ramp-

Garble: Whoa, whoa! What is Prince Pretty doing here? -1….2…-Rumble drives his forearm into Sandow's back, breaking up the pin and causing the bell to ring- What?! I guess he just answered my question...but why the hell did he stop this match?

Madden: Here is your winner, by disqualification…..DAMMMIIENNN..SAANNDOOWW! -The crowd cheers, as Rumble can't believe that was the decision-

Garble: Well what was Rumble expecting exactly? Doesn't he know that's what happens if you interfere in a match?

-Sandow's hand is raised by the referee, as Nyeker looks pissed. Sandow looks a little upset that he won the match that way, as well. Rumble begins arguing with the ref-

*Only perfection around….* -the crowd boos as Star Swirlinaitis walks onto the stage, with a cheesy smile and a microphone in his hand-

Garble: Well, here comes Mr. Swirlinaitis, likely to fix the faulty finish of this match. A DQ win for either Sandow or Mr. Nyeker doesn't mean ANYTHING in their feud! It doesn't prove whose better…

Swirlinaitis: ….My name...is Mr. Star Swirlinaitis...I am the EXECUTIVE Vice President...of Talent Relations….that means that I monitor the talent. Anything a superstar does is reviewed by ME, and Rumble...what you just did was NOT becoming of a champion...do you just think you can PICK your own opponent? Well, you DON'T get to, ESPECIALLY now, because thanks to your cowardly shenanigans, you will defend your championship at Retribution...against BOTH Damien Sandow AND Bill Nyeker! -the crowd cheers, and Rumble seems to be much more pleased with this announcement. With a nod, Swirlinaitis exits stage right.-

Garble: I guess that's what Rumble wanted...maybe he feels like he should prove himself, and beating two competitors at once should do JUST that!

-As Rumble is about to leave the ring, he is pulled in by the hair by Sandow-

Garble: Uh oh! Sandow's got the champion!

-Sandow takes each arm and grabs the arm of Rumble's diagonal to him. He twists Rumble's arm across his neck whilst turning his own self around. He then drives Rumble into the mat-

Garble: Oh! A straightjacket neckbreaker! With velocity to Rumble….

-Nyeker tries to get the jump on Sandow as his back is turned, but Sandow turns around at the last second and TOSSES Nyeker over the top rope and down to the floor-

Garble: And Sandow sends his two opponents in 3 weeks SCATTERING! Will Sandow become the Carnage Champion at Retribution? The fans would sure love it, and I guess I wouldn't mind it much, either…

-Sandow grabs a hand of each of his girls, and places them next to each other. He kisses them both at the same time, and then raises them into the air with a big grin-

*Backstage…*

-Diamond Tiara is walking backstage with Turf and Silver Spoon, who have their respective tag title draped over their shoulder. The anonymous TMZ cameraman stops them to I don't know talk to them about our lord and savior Jaysus Crust-

Cameraman: Girls, the main event is next, but many are saying this match is only happening because you three, Turf in particular, is afraid of Scootaloo and Berry Punch.

Diamond Tiara: -scoffs- As IF. If we were afraid of those two misfits, then WHY would we be defending our titles against them?

Cameraman: ….Because that was the stipulation Turf had proclaimed if Berry Punch were to beat her...which she did.

Diamond: -as Turf grits her teeth. Diamond puts a hand on her shoulder- Easy there, girl...he's not worth the answer. Turf was concerned for my safety….I am a PRINCESS! I've NEVER touched or consumed that bile in my LIFE. So of COURSE that screw-up Berry Punch decides to spit it in my eyes! I had to have my eyes rinsed out with soap for over THIRTY MINUTES! I'm lucky I can even SEE today...I'd LOVE to get my hands on Berry PUNK, even more so than Scootaloo, and THAT'S saying something. I'm not a champion, though….yet, so Turf and Spoony are going to live vicariously through me tonight.

Turf: And we're gonna KICK. THEIR. ASS! Because we run this show, we're the H.B.I.C.'s, and nobody gonna fuck with us! -Turf shoves the camera out of her and her friends face, and walks off. The last thing we hear before going to commercial is the giggling of Diamond and Spoon.-

Garble: It's MAIN EVENT time here on Lunacy! But before the collision between our four rivals, it has been made OFFICIAL. At Retribution in three weeks, and this is quite fitting given the name of the pay per view, Shining Armor, who was DECIMATED earlier tonight, will get his hands, whether he wants to or NOT, on his former best friend, and the guy that left him in a pool of his OWN BLOOD...Flash Sentry. I am looking forward to that one, for MORE reasons than one...now, let's send it down to Madden at ringside, with the introductions for tonight's championship match…

Madden: -the bell rings- The following TAG TEAM contest...is scheduled for ONE FALL! -crowd begins to cheer- Aaaand...is for the EWF...Chick...ComBOOOOOOOOO…...CHAAAAMMMPionSHIIIPPSS! -more cheers-

*Don't hate me cuz I'm beautiful...don't hate me cuz I speak true…* -mostly boos, though there are a few noticeable cheers-

Madden: Introducing FIRST! Accompanied by DIAAAMMOONND TIIIARA! At a combined weight, or 239 POOOOUNDS-they are...the EWF...CHIIICKK COMMMBOOOO CHAMPIONS! Turf! Aaaand SIIIILLVVERRR SPOOOONN!

-Diamond Tiara walks backwards down the ramp, pointing at her besties. Silver Spoon fakes giving high fives to the kids in the audience, earning more boos for her and her accomplices-

Turf: -pointing at her belt- Right here, bitches! All day!

Disgruntled fan: YOU SUCK, TURF! TWIST WOULD BE A BETTER CHAMPION THAN YOU!

Turf: AHAHA! YOU GOTTA PROBLEM? GUESS WHAT?...NOBODY GIVES A SHIT! GO COMPLAIN ONLINE LIKE EVERYONE ELSE! -the fan boos while throwing a thumbs down Turf's way. Turf just shakes her head as she jumps on the apron-

Garble: The polarizing Turf, as well as the cunning Diamond Tiara and….well, Silver Spoon. I'm not dogging on her, though...she's a champion, after all! Mostly because Turf carries her but NONETHELESS, Turf and Silver Spoon are about to have their first championship defense, and who better to defend the titles against then the team they were SUPPOSED to face at Proving Grounds….we all know what happened, though, no need to relay more pointless exposition, let's FIGHT!

-Diamond Tiara exits the right and pulls the steel steps back a little bit. She peeks in.-

Garble: What is Diamond looking at? -shrugs- Oh well, when you're that pretty I can't really question what you do….

-Diamond puts the steps back where they belong, giving her besties and nod and a smirk-

*Colorful rainbows catch my eyes, when I see you fly across the sky…* -MASSIVE cheers-

Madden: Aaaand THEIR OPPONENTS! First, from Loneyville! Weighing in at 118 POOOUNDS...SCCOOOOOOOOTAAAALOOOOOOOO!

-Scootaloo runs onto the stage, thrusting an index finger into the air. She, unlike Silver Spoon, jogs down the ramp, high fiving every fan on BOTH sides. She stops at ringside, and looks back behind her-

-As the familiar glass shatters, Scootaloo slowly looks back at Diamond and her posse with a big grin on her face. The crowd continues to cheer-

Madden: Aaaand HER PARTNER! From Loneyville! Weighing in at 125 POOOUNDSSS! BEEERRRYY...PUUNNCCHH!

-Berry walks down to the ring and stands by Scootaloo's side. They share a glance, before rushing into the ring and gaining the upperhand on Turf and Silver by taking them down. The crowd cheers-

Garble: -the bell rings as Diamond Tiara quickly exits the ring in shock- AND HERE WE GO! No time the titles to be raised! Scootaloo and Berry Punch FINALLY get their chance at the titles! -Berry stomps a Sandcastle in Silver Spoon as she lays seated in the corner- LOOK AT THEM GO! -Berry throws her "B.Y.O.B." jacket at Diamond, smacking her right in the face, and then throws Silver out of the ring. Scootaloo, meanwhile, sends the traditional 10 Punches on Turf's forehead. The crowd counts along-

Crowd: 1...2...3….4…-the punches now get faster- 56789 -the crowd cheers as Scootaloo stalls the final punch, but she never even throws the final punch. She instead substitutes it with a monkey flip! Turf flips over and lands on her stomach, reeling. The crowd cheers even more-

Garble: OH MY GOD! These two are wasting no time! I've always had doubts that they wouldn't be a cohesive unit, what with Berry's past, but I guess Scootaloo's gesture of taking away the alcohol last week was all these gals needed to be one!

-Turf gets to her feet, and is met with the middle fingers of Berry Punch. The crowd cheers even more as Turf is kicked in the chest, and then…-

*BAR TAB!*

Garble: WHOOOAAA! BAR TAP BY BERRY PUNCH! Are they gonna win it already?!

-Berry Punch nods her head back and forth furiously, before leaving the ring and stepping onto the apron-

Garble: One of them had to leave the ring, and I guess Berry Punch is going to let Scootaloo finish the job!

Crowd: SCOO-TA-LOO! SCOO-TA-LOO! SCOO-TA-LOO! SCOO-TA-LOO!

Main Event: Chick Combo Tag Team Championships: Turf and Silver Spoon w/ Diamond Tiara vs Berry Punch and Scootaloo

-19 minutes later-

-Berry Punch takes down Turf with an Uol Zseht press and a flurry of punches-

Garble: Berry Punch on fire, but when isn't she? Well, besides after the obvious fender bender…

-Silver Spoon enters the ring, and runs after Berry, who has backed up a little in anticipation of her. Berry moves out of the way, and Silver is sent right into a Over The Ropes Roundhouse Kick by Scootaloo! The stunned Silver Spoon is then thrown out of the ring by Berry. Scootaloo, sensing an opportunity, jumps over the ropes and lands in the ring. She measures Silver Spoon, and runs the ropes, before exiting the ring with an expertly done suicide dive, one that sends both Scootaloo and Silver over the barricade and into the crowd. The crowd is in a frenzy as they are now closer to the action than ever.-

Garble: Scootaloo and Silver Spoon clear the wall! What a move!

Crowd: THIS IS AWE-SOME! *CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP* THIS IS AWE-SOME! *CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP* THIS IS AWE-SOME! *CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP*

Garble: THERE it is! This crowd is right, though! I thought Scootaloo and Berry Punch had this match won RIGHT AWAY, but the champs have stayed in it! Both of these teams deserve to hold the gold after this encounter, but only ONE will prevail!

Berry: Ohhhh HELL...YEEAAHH! -the crowd cheers even more at Berry's enthusiasm, but their hearts stop as Turf rolls up Berry into a leverage pin-

Garble: Look at Turf -1…- How crafty! -2….Berry shoves Turf off of herself, causing Turf to collide with the referee, knocking both to the ground. Though, obviously, Turf is less fragile than the referee.- And the referee is down! ANYTHING can happen now, and with the resourceful Diamond Tiara at ringside, it SHOULD happen!

-Diamond quickly moves over to the steel steps, and pulls them out an inch. Her hand returns from the metal abyss with a beer bottle. The crowd OOOOH's as they know what that might spell…-

Garble: A beer bottle?! That's what Diamond Tiara was hoarding?! Has she been inspired by Berry Punch to start drinking?!

-As Turf gets up, she is met with her second Bar Tab from Berry Punch-

Garble: There it is again! Another Bar Tab! But there is NO..REFEREE.

-Berry curses at the lack of ref, and is soon blindsided by Diamond Tiara's beer bottle against the back of her head. The glass TRULY shatters, many pieces flying outside the ring and many other landing on the mat. Berry soon follows. The crowd erupts in boos and many gasp at the sight-

Garble: SHIT! Diamond Tiara just cold-cocked Berry Punch with her own beverage of choice! There's glass EVERYWHERE!

*Now Trending on Twitter: Rumble, Scootaloo, The Mean Girls*

-Diamond Tiara uses her boot to clear all of the glass out of the ring, as the crowd chants "FUCK YOU DIAMOND!" repeatedly After she does that, she turns Berry, who is bleeding from the back of her head, over onto the stomach, and then she drags Turf over and drapes her arm over Berry's chest. Finally, she shoves the referee into the middle of the ring before leaving it herself-

Garble: What a MASTERFUL plan by Diamond Tiara! But after all Berry Punch and Scootaloo's determination and SACRIFICE, is it REALLY going to end this way?!

-The referee slowly makes the three count. Though the crowd would rather boo the hell out of it than count along-

Garble: It's OVER….Turf and Silver Spoon are STILL champions….

-Scootaloo can only watch in awe as the bell is rung, JUST as she had climbed back over the barricade and was going to re-enter the ring…-

Madden: Here are YOUR winners...and STILL...the EWF...CHICK COMBO CHAMPIIOONSS….SILVER SPOON! Aaaand TURF! -the crowd continues to boo as Silver Spoon is pulled back over the barricade by Diamond Tiara, and brought back into the ring where she and Turf are reunited with their titles-

Garble: Both Turf and Silver Spoon can barely stand...they are GROGGY beyond ALL BELIEF...but despite all that...they are the champions….Berry Punch had the match won for her team, but the referee was knocked out. Unintentional or not, it was the scapegoat to the victory for the Mean Girls….

-Turf and Silver aren't even in the right state of mind to celebrate. Diamond has to have an arm of theirs draped over her neck so she can escort them to the back as the crowd will not let up with their boos. Scootaloo gets into the ring and notices the gash in the back of Berry's head. Her mouth is agape, as she puts her hands on her head, before checking on her unconscious partner-

Garble: Stuff like this is why Ahuizotl isn't commentating right now...I feel bad for Scootaloo and Berry Punch….they were SO close, but Scootaloo should've pinned Turf at the beginning of the match. For the first time in her life, Diamond Tiara touched alcohol….and that milestone SCREWED the team of Berry Punch and Scootaloo….they are a TRUE tag team, though, and I would expect them to get another shot at the titles VERY soon…

*Backstage…*

-The creepy cameraman dude is at it again, as he runs into a hooded Lightning Dust, who is walking with her face to the ground-

Cameraman: Lightning! You're here!

Lightning: -removes her hood, and looks up at the cameraman- ….of course I'm here. I've got some unfinished business to take care off...and it ain't gonna be best for business…..it's gonna be BEST...for ME. If you'll excuse me...I'm tired of talking…. -Lightning puts her hood back up, and walks past the cameraman-

*Commercial*

*Welcome to the danger zone!* -many cheers. Wanna know how many? MANY.-

Madden: Ladies and gentlemen….please welcome….LIIIGHTNNNING DUUUSSTTT!

Garble: This is sure to get heated….Lightning Dust says she is tired of talking, but she and Twilight have done nothing but talk for the past month. Lightning Dust already beat Twilight up...why would she do it again?

-Lightning Dust walks to the ring with her hood still up. She is no nonsense tonight, for sure. There is already a mic in the ring for her. She picks it up.-

Garble: I'm looking forward to this...you have no idea…

-Lightning cannot say anything yet as thousands of fans come alive with "LIGHT-NING-DUST" chants-

Lightning: -removes her hood to reveal a stoic expression- …. -she vows to the say nothing, instead motioning to the stage and doing the "bring it" hand movement-

*A hundred thousand stories...have filled my head….* -many boos. Wanna know how many? MANY.-

Garble: And here comes the Eternal Women's Champion, and likely the most hated in controversial figure in this company right now….I'd love to know what Twilight thinks about all of this…

-Twilight and Spike are led to the ring by a horde of security. Twilight has a saddened expression on her face as she, her brother, and her backup enter the ring. Lightning Dust is given another mic, and she shoves it into Twilight's chest. The crowd cheers at the simple gesture as security are looking like they want to contain Lightning Dust. Twilight waves them off.-

Twilight: It's alright….I don't need the protection...really. -The security shrug, and leave the ring, though not the arena. They file around the ring like lumberjacks.- ….Hello, Lightning Dust…

Lightning: You're lucky you've got protection tonight, ya know...otherwise I woulda beat your ass again….-cheers-

Twilight: -Winces- Lightning, please...there is no need for that….we can be civil about this. I'm not here to fight you!

Lightning: Yeah, cuz you're too much of a coward…

Twilight: We were both in the fight of our lives just 8 days ago….you earned my respect, absolutely….I can see why you are upset, I can see why you attacked me last week, and I'm not mad about it. I should of saw it coming, really...but if you would just allow me to speak my mind, like I was about to last week-

Lightning: And why do I owe you your own podium, huh? After what you did to me you're lucky I don't attack you everywhere you go! -cheers-

Twilight: ...These people love you, it's plain to see...and I believe I know why...you have a fire inside you to be the best-

Lightning: YOU'RE DAMN RIGHT I DO! And I WAS the best! I had the belt to prove it! And you STOLE IT FROM ME!

Twilight: ...and you just brought up my next point. These people are going to love you even more now that you are prime and ready to FIGHT for this title back...you were wronged, Lightning Dust...these people are pulling for you…

Lightning: What the hell are you bringing this up for? I know I have fans! I'm not deaf! It's not about them right now….it's about me TAKING that title from you, like you took it from me!

Twilight: -frowns-...you were wronged, Lightning Dust….but NOT by me…

Lightning: I know that! I never said YOU wronged me, but you were still in on it, dammit! Luna is the puppet master, I get it! But you said before that you fight for THEM -points at the crowd- and it was all a LIE! YOU FIGHT FOR LUNA! -cheers- That's why these people boo you! They saw through your holy shell FROM THE BEGINNING...just like I did!

Twilight: -cries out- You don't understand! I had nothing to do with this!

Lightning: Keep the lies coming, you fucking SINNER!

Twilight: No! They're not lies! I was KNOCKED OUT when Princess Luna hit you with that title! When I woke up...I was champion….I don't remember how it even happened! I had to watch the match back because I kept getting dirty looks after I won, and after I did...I felt SICK to my STOMACH….I still do…

Lightning: Well isn't that just SO SAD? I hope your vomit missed your master's dress shoes….-crowd OOOH's-

Twilight: I'm being serious, Lightning...you didn't deserve what happened to you at Proving Grounds…

Lightning: You're DAMN RIGHT I DIDN'T! I guess it's MY fault for speaking the truth! I knew from the VERY beginning that you were a hypocritic slimeball! Anyone that preaches that "I am fighting for the EWF universe" bullshit IS! -cheers-

Twilight: I am NOT a hypocrite! These fans have the right to boo me if they please, but I will NEVER give up on them!

Lightning: Thank God they have you then to shovel all this bullshit down their throats! The point blank facts are that you were JEALOUS of me! I was the first champion in this company's history, and YOU wanted that SOOOOOO BAD! So bad, in fact, you were willing to give in to ANYBODY...and Luna and that dickhead Swirlinaitis were those people! It makes perfect sense, really! You fed these people lies, and those two suited shits fed YOU lies! All three of you combined make one big LYING BUFFET! Together, along with your shitbird brother -crowd OOOH's- you fucked me over! ADMIT IT! ADMIT THAT YOU FUCKED ME! ADMIT THAT YOU FUCKED ME! -Twilight remains silent with her mouth agape- I should've known it was going to happen someday! It was only a matter of time! ….Let me tell you a story, Sparkle...ya know, let's just keep talking! That's what I'm known for, right? MY BIG FUCKING MOUTH?! NOTHING ELSE BUT THAT! I came to this company, because for just ONCE, I wanted to be in the spotlight! All my life! All my FUCKING LIFE, I've been put on the sidelines! ALL MY LIFE, others were treated as superior to me! You say that you RESPECT me?! First off THAT'S BULLSHIT! -crowd cheers- Secondly, let me tell you who I respect, and it just now came to me! When I was a little Dust-Bunny, there was ONE girl who the coaches picked to play in a game over me...ALWAYS. Because of her, I was NEVER in the games! I was a god-damn SEAT WARMER! You know her quite well. Her name is….is Rainbow Dash…-crowd cheers-...we were friends for a long time, until I wasn't comfortable with her besting me at every waking turn! Sure, she was competitive, but she played sports for FUN! Soon, I was more interested in WINNING! With Rainbow Dash on the team, we ALWAYS won! Great, right? It's what I WANTED! But I soon realized….that I wanted ME to be the one that won all these games, and NO ONE else! It would've helped if I was at least ON THE FIELD, but I never was! Rainbow Dash everything! It made me DESPISE that her! And that's why I was SO EXCITED when I heard that we would be on separate brands, because FINALLY, I'd have my chance to show how GOOD I was! And maybe it was destiny, but at Proving Grounds, we were BOTH in high profile...CHAMPIONSHIP matches. Both of us were representing our brands! What happened? We both LOST…...Rainbow Dash NEVER loses! NEVER! But you know what she can be proud of, Twilight? That she lost with HONOR! She fought to the VERY END! She withstanded the Ursa Lock, but in the end, she had to tap out…..Trixie brought the best out of her, and vice versa….the same could be said for us, Twilight….we fought for our lives….but again….Rainbow Dash didn't STOOP SO LOW to try and pull out the victory! She gutted it out, and she came up short….THAT's what I respect, Twilight! That's how you EARN respect! I RESPECT Rainbow Dash, despite all the shit that's happened! Because she never played politics to get me to sit out those games...she was just...well, BETTER than me, I'll say it...and she's BETTER than you, Twilight Sparkle! -crowd cheers immensely-

Crowd: RAIN-BOW-DASH! RAIN-BOW-DASH! RAIN-BOW-DASH! RAIN-BOW-DASH!

Lightning: You sold yourself out for that title! You took my DREAMS away from me! Because of YOU...I have NOTHING now! AGAIN! I HAVE NOTHING AGAIN BECAUSE OF YOU! And for that...I could, and will NEVER..respect someone like YOU! And maybe you DO deserve that title...I mean, I haven't won a match SINCE I won that title! You pinned me back to back in tag team matches….you had my number….and maybe you WOULD'VE kicked out of that roundhouse kick, and maybe you WOULD'VE beaten me by yourself! Had you have done that, I wouldn't have attacked you last week...I would have shaken your goddamn hand and told you that I DID respect you...but it didn't go down like that….and now we'll never know….ALL I KNOW is that I have a rematch clause, and I'm going to KICK. YOUR. ASS! -cheers- AND TAKE BACK WHAT'S MINE!

Crowd: LIGHT-NING-DUST! LIGHT-NING-DUST! LIGHT-NING-DUST! LIGHT-NING-DUST!

*Now trending on Twitter: Rainbow Dash, Lightning Dust, Twilight*

Twilight: -nod her head- Lightning Dust...I would expect nothing less...you truly are an AMAZING competitor….and you have the crowd on the edge of their seat with every word you utter...it's incredible, really….I don't know how I can get you to believe me, but I guess it never is that easy….and you're right, you DO have a rematch clause…..but you don't need it….

Lightning: ...What the fuck are you talking about?

Twilight: …..I am innocent in this situation….I was confident I could beat you, but you were definitely on the verge of winning, I won't deny that….everything that happened….was WRONG. I don't feel right wearing this championship, and that's because I haven't EARNED it….-she lays the Eternal Women's championship down in the ring-...I would love to have another match with you...but not as the Eternal Women's Champion….because truthfully..the champion….is YOU.

-Lightning Dust isn't buying this as all-

Lightning: Oh no! You're not injecting me with that pity shit! No matter how it happened, you won the title, and you're going to carry it around until I beat you for it! Every time you look at it, I want you to remember the way you won it, and I want you to FEEL BAD...then I want you to think about the savage beating I'm going to give you...a beating from which you will NEVER recover from….no, I'm not taking this damn title...at least not yet. For it will be INFINITY times SWEETER to beat your ass as champion than to beat your ass with ME as the champion! Because that's how revenge works, Twilight Sparkle….

Twilight: -shakes her head- I'm not leaving this arena with that title….my victory was tainted...I know that, Lightning! -with tears in her eyes- P-PLEASE...just TAKE IT!

Lightning: Awww….alright, I'll take it….-Lightning picks up the title, and takes a long look at it. She then looks at Twilight with a smirk, which soon turns into a sour scowl. Without another second of hesitation, Lightning Dust RAMS the title into Twilight's skull, sending the fans into a frenzy, Twilight to the mat unconscious, and the security barrelling back into the ring-

Garble: Lightning Dust strikes again! Twilight didn't see it coming!

Lightning: -smirks at the security- What? I took it….and I gave it back. -she turns her attention to the fallen Twilight- See you at Retribution….-Lightning drops the mic and leaves the ring.-

Garble: Did you hear that?! The match has been made! Lightning Dust vs Twilight Sparkle...for the Eternal Women's championship at RETRIBUTION! It doesn't get any better than that!

-Lightning climbs over the barricade, and makes her way through the crowd, almost all of the fans she passes patting her on the back as she walks up the aisle of stairs-

Garble: Lightning Dust is out for revenge! An impassioned rant by the former champion, and then the declaration of WAR with the title belt! That's all we have time for tonight on Lunacy….goodnight, everybody...from Loneyville!

-Lightning Dust stands at the top of the stairs, just about every fan chanting "LIGHT-NING-DUST" amongst her. The show ends with Spike checking on his sister, and about 20 security guards being fired...not really on that last one.-

?: Would you like to hear a secret?... -heavy breathing, followed by the guitar riff from last week is heard as the mysterious lady with the snake-skin fedora makes her presence known once again. She is a bit pudgier than when we last saw her. We see her walking down a small hill surrounded by trees, as a man hangs from a bent tree in the background. We cut to the camera shakily showing us a wide shot of a lake. Next to it on the left is a blue gazebo, and on the right is land with many trees. We then see a creepy upclose shot of the fedora lady. She is grinning eerily. The camera is looking up at a giant tree, it slowly pans forward for a few seconds before showing another shot of the fedora lady, this time we can see from her stomach up. She is wearing what we can assume is her every day clothing. We are then shown about 15 fire ants scurrying without any sense of direction by their lone home, a hole in the ground. We can also hear them moving. The camera is now upside down, as we see the fedora woman standing on a rock in the middle of the swamp.- Parents I need you to stop LYYYIINN' to ya CHILDREEENN..and telling them..that monsters, are not real... -she is speaking these words as she is still standing on the rock, though the camera is right-side up this time.- I swear, man...monsters ARE real…-she calls from the rock. We see the rocking chair from last time. It rocks until the fedora lady appears in front of it, though it continues to rock as she flashes in and out of the shot. We see a small rocking horse for little girls rocking on its own, as well. Then we see the closeup of a piggy bank, and then a "HAZARD" sign, though most of the words are cut off, so we do not know what the "HAZARD" is. The camera slowly moves through the shot, and then we see a SUPER close-up shot of just the fedora lady's eyes. The camera then shakes as we see a shot of the swamp at night time. We see the woman with the sheep-mask walking through some tall grass. She is wearing her blue outfit instead of her green one, and she stops walking to look at the camera. A second later, she is gone, but she shows up directly in front of the camera another second later. We then see a close-up on the lady with the flannel. The camera zooms out quickly, and we can see that she is sitting in a cabin. The camera travels down an empty, yet long road, collecting a few bugs on it along the way.- And who am I? -it skips around her speech- What am I?... -skips again- I'm frightening-I'M EVERYTHING! -the fedora lady is laughing, her face covered with her own purple hair. The camera shakes around rapidly as she turns to her side, still smiling the same way. We see the side of a blue car, with blurry other cars driving behind it. The next shot we see a blurry American flag flowing in the wind in the back window of the same blue car. We see the fedora lady looking ahead, a blank expression on her face.- I'm the dirt and grass beneath ya toes -skips- A boxcar with a pack'a matches -skips again- I'm the air that's all around you! -the camera spins around, looking up at the air-

"He won't see the sun again...for years to come...he's broken out in love…"

-We see the woman in flannel and many other men and women walking up to the fedora lady, who is standing above them on a giant rock. They all touch their hands against hers. We get a close-up of the fedora lady's face as she rocks away in the rocking chair. The camera then slowly moves up as we see the shot of all of the fedora lady's followers' hands reaching up to touch the fedora lady, with the fedora lady's arms outstretched. She is looking up into the clouds, her back turned towards the camera. The camera then switches to the front side, and to the back again, as the fedora lady lowers her arms. We see a quick shot of a white coffee mug that reads "World's Greatest Father", and then another quick close-up of the fedora lady with a wide open smile. We then see a tiny plastic figurine of a little girl carrying a basket, though what is in the basket cannot be seen. We cut back to the woods, where the flannel lady is once again staring ahead at the camera. She is far away from it, though. Everything gets brighter, but then goes back to its original color as the woman in her blue vest walks into view.-

?: All this is a riddle.. -skips- everything all around you is a riddle…-skips again- Things may appear different than they really are... -she preaches- such is the mystery..of me…open to the world's interpretations..-the fedora lady dances around as the man on the tree watches her intently. The fedora lady swings around a tree limb that is stuck in the ground. We see a shot of a black table with a massive spiderweb on the bottom of it, and then a shot of just one eye of the fedora lady staring back at us. The rocking horse is now white, as opposed to it being brown earlier. The fedora lady pats a man's head as she walks around her followers, telling them what she is also telling us. We see a wide-shot of a raggedy old shed, and then another shot of the fedora lady creepily grinning. We see a brass bed-rest with a man's face, also made from brass. The next shot of the fedora lady doesn't have her grinning, but simply staring at the camera. We see an old gray radio, and then the camera quickly pans diagonal with another shot of an American flag. The fedora lady now is standing by a tree. One of her hands is on the tree trunk, while the other swings freely in the wind with her back turned. We then see the front side of her, where she once again has her arms outstretched and is looking down. After a quick flash, she is now looking up at us. Another flash and we see only her extended right arm, and then we flash back to her looking at us.-

"Broken out in looove….."

-The "HAZARD" signs now shows the word "DANGER" under it, and then one final shot of the fedora lady looking at us, before the screen goes black, and we hear her giggling, which soon turns into an echoed cackle. We now see her cackling, followed by quick shots of the lady in the sheep mask staring at us, the flannel woman staring creepily off in the distance, and the fedora lady continuing to cackle as she rocks in her rocking chair. Another shot of the flannel woman, though this time the camera is more zoomed in on her mouth, and then back to the fedora lady cackling. When she stops cackling, we see the sheep lady to her right, and the flannel lady to her left. The fedora lady isn't cackling anymore, but we can still hear her cackle in the background as she continues to rock with a straight look on her face with her two main associates guarding her. The screen goes black again.-

?: ….We're coming….