DAN VS.

Dan was sitting on his couch again, watching TV, as suddenly a magical scroll appeared in the air out of nowhere and fell onto his head.

„Ouch!" he shouted „Since Earth and Equestria are interacting, I didn't get a single relaxing minute! What is it this time!?"

He opened the scroll and read:

---

„Dear Dan,

to settle the problems of our past, I hereby invite you into my library for some fun time with me and my assistant Spike. You still need to meet him, and I am sure you two will get along nicely. He's the one who sent this letter... he has that special ability to send letters with the help of his fire breath... You will get to know more of him eventually, but now back to topic: I planned a lot of fun stuff to do together, and I am sure we will all end this day being happy and with the fact that we all got closer to each other. Come over as soon as you're ready.

Sincerely,

Twilight Sparkle"

---

„Oh, that's just great!" Dan said sarcastically „It seems like these ponies already made every human their friend, and now they are going after ME! Ah well, I sure could use some relaxing fun time" he remembered what he said earlier about having no free time since Equestria was here.

Just then Dan realized: „Wait, what is that green stuff on the scroll... OH MY GOD THE SCROLL IS ON FIRE!" He threw the scroll away and looked at his hands with which he held the scroll recently: „MY HANDS ARE ON FIRE!" He ran to the kitchen sink, turned on the water and extinguisched his hands. „Grrrrrrrrrrr... according to the scroll, there is only one person who could have done that..." Dan lifted his burned fist up into the sky and shouted:

„SPIIIIIKE!"

DAN

VS.

Spike

Dan left his flat and went to Twilight's library across the street.

He knocked on the door, and Chris opened: „Hi, Dan!"

„Chris?" Dan asked „What are you doing here?"

In that moment Twilight joined the conversation: „I invited him to make sure you are not doing something stupid... Something revenge-related..."

„That's right!" Chris continued „I will not help you with any revenge this time! This day is all about fun, and not the kind of fun you are thinking of..."

„Fine" Dan answered „Can I at least come in?"

Twilight answered: „Sure. Welcome to my library!"

„Wow... this library... it's so... tidy!" Dan was impressed.

„Why, thank you!" Twilight answered „Though I have to give the credit to my assistant Spike. That's him!" She pointed at a little purple dragon who was just coming downstairs.

„Wait, that's Spike?" he asked.

Twilight answered: „Yeah. Surprised that he's a dragon, huh?"

„Kinda..." Dan said, but in his head he thought something completely different...

He walked over to the little dragon and was about to talk to him, as Twilight said: „Alright, let's get this started! But before we do that, I first want to hear a Pinkie Pie promise that you're not going after revenge, Dan..."

„Yeah, Pinkie Pie promise, Dan!" Chris repeated „And remember what happened last time you gave a Pinkie Pie promise!"

Dan cursed the current situation right now, but he didn't have a choice, did he? So he promised: „God dang it! Fine, I... I Pinkie Pie promise... as if I had a choice..." he mumbled the last words.

He then turned to Spike and whispered into his ear: „You're still going down, Spike! I will manage to do that, believe me!"

As Spike realized that he was the target of Dan's revenge, he gulped in fear.

---

„Alright, how about we start with a little conversation at the dining table?" Twilight suggested „I am sure you are all hungry!"

„Well I am!" Spike answered.

„Me too!" Chris said.

Dan said: „Yeah, yeah, dinner is fine... I guess..."

„Okay, I'm going to get the spaghetti." Twilight said „Will be back in a minute!"

„Hey, Chris" Dan talked to Chris „Why don't you go with her? You just can't let a lady carry four plates of spaghetti at once, especially if she has hooves instead of hands!"

„You're totally right" Chris responded „So why don't you go help her?"

„Because you're the gentleman and I'm the jerk! It's like 'Good cop, bad cop'. So get your ass up and help that poor unicorn!" Dan began to shout.

„Okay, okay, I'm on it..." Chris answered and went after Twilight.

Dan and Spike both knew why Dan sent Chris after Twilight. The two of them were now alone, not watched by either Twilight or Chris.

Dan smirked, and Spike just gulped another time.

The dragon tried to start a conversation: „So, uh, it's obvious you don't like me and you want revenge, and I fully respect that - or better, I'm afraid, after everything I've heard about you – but... why? I just wanna know..."

„It doesn't matter!" Dan shouted at Spike „Besides, shut up. You are going to regret the day you sent me a burning scroll!"

„I already do!" Spike said in fear „Wait... the scroll was burning? Must have been an error... But that's not exactly my..."

„I SAID SHUT UP!" Dan shouted and threw Spike into one of the bookshelves.

In that moment Twilight and Chris returned.

Chris said: „Dan... Twilight has magic. Magic with which she can lift four plates of spaghetti at once..." He then realized that Spike was placed in a bookshelf „Uh..."

Twilight saw that as well and asked: „Why is Spike in a bookshelf?"

Dan lied: „Uh... hey, look, the little guy is reading books inside the bookshelf! Isn't that sooo cute? There is nothing more heartwarming than a child learning from books... But now get out of there, Spike, dinner is ready." With that he pulled Spike back out of the bookshelf and placed him on his chair.

Spike, being afraid of saying something wrong in Dan's presence, lied as well: „Oh... yeah... these books sure were interesting... sooo interesting... But I am hungry too, so lets eat, hehe..."

Twilight gave Chris a curious look, and Chris whispered to her: „I believe Dan's new revenge target is Spike, but I am not sure..."

„Ah well, dinner time!" Twilight said in excitement as she gave everyone their spaghetti. The rest of the dinner was pretty unspectacular, except for Dan and Spike giving each other enemy-like looks, while Twilight and Chris were getting worried.

---

„Alright, time for the next thing on the list!" Twilight said after dinner „How about something totally safe and not dangerous at all?" She laughed awkwardly „Like a nice game of chess?"

„Oh, I'm in!" Chris shouted.

„Me too!" Spike said.

„Do I even have a choice?" Dan asked.

„But this time I and Chris are not leaving this room!" Twilight said angrily.

So the friends played a nice game of two vs two chess, Dan and Spike vs Twilight and Chris.

Somewhere in the middle of the game, Spike stood up and said: „Uh, excuse me, I... have to go for little dragons... will be right back!"

„Oh, I have to go, too!" Dan lied.

„We are coming with you!" Chris said „just to be sure..."

„Nu-uh!" Dan said „Remember? You two said you were not leaving this room! So meet you in a few minutes!" And with that he was off after Spike in the bathroom.

„I hate you, Dan." Twilight talked to herself.

---

In the meanwhile in the bathroom, Spike just finished his... uh... business... as he opened the door of the toilet room to see Dan standing right in front of him! „Oh no."

„Oh yes!" Dan said.

What followed was the sound of repeated flushing, and as Dan and Spike rejoined the chess game, Spike was completely wet, from head to toes.

Dan just said: „Oooooh, the little dragon had a toilet accident, didn't he?"

Then he gave Spike a look, who said: „Uh, yes, a toilet accident, absolutely nothing to do with Dan..."

„See?"

Twilight just let out a „Grrrrr..." but then she caught herself and answered: „You know what? FORGET CHESS! Who needs that, right? HahahaHAHAHA! We should do something completely fail-safe and harmless... Like... how about reading books out loud to each other!?"

„Uh, Twilight, are you okay?" Chris asked „you are acting like you are going insane..."

„No! No!" Twilight answered „Everything is okay! We are all becoming friends! FRIENDS! Let's..." she calmed down „Let's just read some stories to each other so we can all calm down, okay?"

---

5 minutes later, everyone had a short story in his hands, and Chris asked: „Okay, who wants to start?"

„Oh, me, me!" Dan shouted.

Twilight interrupted him. „NO! I don't think that's a good idea! Let us start with someone else, like... Spike!"

Spike looked at Dan in fear, who was sitting right next to him and gave the dragon an angry look. Then Spike started with his story carefully: „So... the book I chose is about... a little, helpless dragon who... gets bullied by a human-creature from another world and... he tries to become friends with that bully... but it doesn't work and he gets bullied for all eternity, a very interesting story."

Long pause.

Very long pause.

„Okay, Dan!" Twilight broke the silence with a gigantic fake smile „Let's see what you got!"

„But with pleasure!" Dan smirked „It's about the pillows of DOOM!"

„Has everyone chosen a horror story?" Chris asked „How about a story about pastel ponies living in a magical land of friendship without conflicts? That's what I chose..."

Twilight gave Chris a 'seriously?'-like look.

„Shut up." Dan said „So it's about the pillows of doom. You see all these pillows around here?"

Everyone nodded.

„It's pillows like these ones who become evil in this book!"

„How can pillows become evil?" Twilight asked.

„LET ME FINISH! So this book says that there once lived an evil scientist in this library, and due to a failed experiment, he created evil, deadly pillows! What was so evil about them? Well, whenever somepony says the word 'hookie', these pillows are..."

„...coming alive?" Chris asked.

„NO!" Dan shouted „They become as hard as diamonds until the next pillow fight! And everyone involved in the pillowfight who got hit by one of these pillows, had to go to hospital because of injuries. The problem is: Not all these pillows are modified like that. Some of these pillows around here are normal pillows, other ones are pillows of doom!"

„Wait, so you want to tell us that the book says that these pillows are still existing in this library?" Chris asked.

Dan answered: „That's right! So let's test if this story is true... HOOKIE!"

He grabbed one of the pillows and threw it at Twilight.

„ARE YOU CRAZY!?" Twilight shouted „That could have been a pillow of doom!"

„So you believe in the story?" Dan asked.

Twilight answered: „No... I mean yes... I guess... So TAKE THAT!" Twilight threw another pillow at Dan, and shortly after the four of them were in a pillow fight, as suddenly a pillow hit Spike, and he fell onto the ground, being unconcious.

Twilight gasped: „SPIKE! So the story was true! And I was the one who threw that pillow! I am so sorry!"

Suddenly, a few heavy books fell out of the pillow Twilight threw at Spike, and as she saw that, she lost her mind... completely!

„GrrrrrrrrrrDAAAAAAAAAAAN!"

„What?" Dan asked calm.

„THIS... IS... IT! I KNOW YOU ARE THE ONE WHO PUT THESE BOOKS IN THERE! IT WAS ALL PLANNED! YOU PROMISED, NO REVENGE!"

„You have no legitimate proof." Dan was still calm.

„Let's be honest, Dan..." Chris started, as Twilight took the words out of Chris' mouth: „YOUR PRESENCE ALONE IS PROOF ENOUGH!" „Exactly."

„No, it's not!" Dan responded „Search it up in the law."

Twilight took out the book of laws and opened page 286.

Dan read: „Rule 1465, paragraph 5: presence alone is no legitimate proof for a crime. The only exception is Dan. AW, COME ON!"

Twilight got some high lactose milk and forced him to drink it, resulting in Dan lying on the ground, almost dying!

„AAAAARRRGGG!"

„If we are going to the hospital to deliver Spike anyway, we can deliver you there as well, right?" Twilight grinned in an evil way. „Be glad I am keeping you alive!"

---

1 hour later, Dan was lying in the hospital, being told that he was unable to move for the next 7 days.

„That was totally worth it..." Dan said to himself while he was visited by Twilight.

The purple unicorn added: „And guess what? While you are unable to move, Spike just has a blue eye. He still needs to stay in hospital though... for the next 7 days... in the bed right next to you... Coincidence? You will never know... But Spike won't be so happy, if you know what I mean..."

With that she left Dan and Spike alone.

Dan looked at Spike, who punched his left fist into his right hand three times: „This is gonna be fun..."

„Aw, come on!"