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"Come on, move your ass!" Ryan grumbled, shoving ponies out of his way.

It had been a few days since the letter incident, and his bunny wounds (God that sounds humiliating) had healed up nicely. Or at least, enough that he no longer needed bandages.

After he went back to more thoroughly check the letters the next day, he discovered that the drawer was completely empty.

This made Ryan very uncomfortable. After a couple of days of not doing much, which Ryan was thankful for, he decided to begin searching around for the 8-Bits in hope of its reappearance. So far, it had done no such thing. He'd spent hours upon hours of wandering around in front of the building where it had been, carefully checking and rechecking in case he had missed anything. After a while, he'd gotten thoroughly bored and begun to wander about Ponyville, perhaps to see if the 8-Bits had materialized somewhere else.

He had no such luck.

Instead, he blundered into a large crowd of ponies, all gathered in front of, from what he could gather, was a glittery, bedazzled wagon.

From what he could see, nearly all of Ponyville had turned up for some kind of event. He spotted several that he knew in the crowd, including Rarity and a (thankfully) bunny-less Fluttershy. After a couple of seconds of hard searching, he spotted Twilight and made a beeline for her.

"Yo," he said, waving halfheartedly. "there you are, Purple. Spike said you left already. What is this, the pony Cirque du Soleil?" he asked, jabbing a thumb at the wagon.

"Actually," Twilight began, but was interrupted by a rather loud, screaming burst of fanfare, far too close for comfort. Multiple lights atop the bedazzled caravan lit up, and Ryan's hand went to his Zippo lighter instinctually to light up a cigarette he didn't have. He didn't know quite why, but every time he saw circus lights, he felt a lot like smoking.

It might have been because of that one time he set a clown on fire.

But it was okay, because it was only an ICP fan.

That particular memory brought a rather wicked grin to his face, which Twilight must have taken for appreciation of flashy exhibition.

"Ponies and gentlecolts, mares and fillies, all ages and sizes! Come one, come all!"

Ryan was a little surprised to see that there were no clowns here after all. Then again, a pony in clown makeup probably looked just as creepy as a human in clown makeup.

… Ryan didn't like clowns very much.

"Presenting, the one, the only, the GREAT AND POWERFUL TRIXIE!" upon finishing, the stage curtains burst open, revealing a sky blue unicorn with a fancy cape, bowing dramatically.

A couple of younger ponies near the front of the crowd looked absolutely awestruck, although they didn't look too bright. From the stare one of them was giving Trixie, he'd have guessed that the little unicorn had some kind of brain damage.

"Yes, my faithful, adoring audience! It is I, the Great and Powerful Trixie, the most incredible and powerful unicorn in all of Equestria!"

Ryan voiced his opinion on the matter with all the grace and subtlety of a furious rampaging rhinoceros charging through a nursery school while high on crystal meth.

"Oh, I call bullshit!"

"Who dares to question the might of the Great and Powerful Trixie?!" the unicorn demanded instantly, stomping a hoof as if offended. In hindsight, she probably was.

Her eyes lingered, a little surprised over a wide eyed Ryan for a moment, only to discover that his hand was pointed starkly away from him in order to avoid blame.

As a matter of fact, his finger was pointing directly at Twilight Sparkle.

"You, there! You dare to mock the Great and Powerful Trixie? Trixie is ten times the magician you are, little foal! What other pony can claim to have singlehoofedly held off an Ursa Major?" she roared, magically lifting up a couple of the front row ponies into the air, the same ogling pair of unicorns he'd seen. Light's and a couple of high pitched noisemakers flared up around Trixie, and she did indeed look fairly powerful.

"I… I… I…" Twilight stuttered, at a loss for words.

"Oh, yeah?" Ryan shouted back, doing his best to 'stand up' for Twilight. She saw what he was doing and opened her mouth to protest, but he cut her off. "Purple here could kick your ass!"

"That's not really-" Twilight stammered.

"And," Ryan added. "And, she could kick your blue butt with one hoof tied behind her back!"

"Ryan, I really don't-"

"AND, SHE COULD RUN YOU OUTTA THIS BACKWOODS DUMP WITH JUST ONE SPELL!"

"RYAN!" Twilight shouted to make herself heard. It was too late, however; the entire crowd was watching her, and she shrank down.

"So, it's a magical duel you want from Trixie, is it?" Trixie asked scornfully, glaring at Twilight for suggesting such a ludicrous thing. Which, in fact, she did not. "Very well! If it's a battle of skill you want, it's a battle of skill you'll get! Trixie will be awaiting your arrival in the town center at midnight!" she ranted, glaring viciously at Twilight as if expecting some reprisal. "You'll have your chance to challenge the Great and Powerful Trixie with your single spell; and, should you fail, the Great and Powerful Trixie shall banish you as easily as Trixie did that unwitting Ursa Major!"

… Oh, fuck.

The caravan quickly snapped shut, and it began hobbling down the road on slightly tilted wooden wheels creakily. The two awestruck young unicorns near the front had begun whispering conspiratorially to each other with excitement, but Ryan ignored them. They couldn't be up to anything good, but he'd deal with that later.

Twilight was glaring at him angrily, looking half angry and half ashamed that she'd been called out in the midst of a crowd, which was slowly dispersing already.

"… What?"

"Darling, why ever didn't you stand up to that blowhard?" Rarity asked Twilight as she trotted over, wearing another of her over the top, frilly sunhats.

"Yeah, why not?" Rainbow Dash asked Twilight, zooming down from above. Ryan hadn't even noticed that she'd been above them, though he caught sight of her resting on a cloud before she did zipped down.

… How the hell…

"Hey, Skittles. Aren't clouds made of water, and shit?" Ryan asked Rainbow Dash curiously, turning from the angry Twilight.

"Well, technically. See, kinda like the way rainbows are-"

"Oh, don't think you're getting out of this that easily, Mister!" Twilight growled at him, lowering her horn dangerously. "Just what were you thinking? Do you have any idea how much trouble you've just caused?"

"Uh… yes?" Ryan guessed slowly. Spotting the dangerous eye twitch he'd grown accustomed to noticing and a couple of stray sparks flying off of her horn, he quickly said "I-I was just standin' up for you, is all, kid."

Her idle threats of turning him into unpleasant things like a very large bullfrog flittered into his mind. He hadn't actually seen her turn anything into a bullfrog yet, but he had seen her pull off some pretty difficult looking transformation magic with a couple of rocks that Spike insisted would make great moustaches. Quite frankly, he didn't like the prospect of being turned into a gigantic moustache too much, either.

"I am a capable young adult, for your information!" Twilight said angrily.

"Well, yeah, I guessed as much…" Ryan began slowly, desperately trying to think of a way out of the hole he was steadily digging.

"Then why, precisely, did you feel it necessary to 'defend' me, immediately after placing blame on me for your shortcomings? Especially now that she's expecting me to show her up with a single spell!"

"Well, uh, you see…" he stuttered. He was starting to get nervous, and that horn of hers was glowing brighter by the minute. "I-I-I was, uh… you can't take her on now!"

"Why not?!"

"Because you're a girl!"

Twilight's eyes widened slightly, and she sputtered furiously, shame at being called out by Trixie utterly forgotten.

So, he'd solved half the problem.

… Sort of.

"And what is that supposed to mean? What, just because somepony else is a male, that makes them intrinsically more capable of dealing with particular dilemmas?"

"Well… yeah."

Of all the stupid things Ryan had ever done…

He'd expected Twilight to zap him with some kind of transmogrification mojo, but the heavy backhanded slap from Skittles surprised him. It resounded through the area with a loud pop!, and Ryan could have sworn he heard his neck crack from the sudden movement.

He'd give her that much – if Dash had tried a right out haymaker, it probably would have taken his head off.

"… Ow." He stated simply as he turned slowly back around, and the mental image of him continuously digging his own grave grew sharper. The familiar taste of copper tingled slightly in his mouth.

"Lemme at him, lemme at him!" Dash struggled against the combined efforts of Rarity and Twilight, who held her wings back before she could hit Ryan again.

"That was – hnnk! – uncalled for, really, dear!" Rarity strained against Dash, trying to hold back one wing.

"My flank, it was uncalled for! I'm gonna hit him again!" she roared, pulling so hard that Twilight and Rarity were beginning to drag along the ground.

Ryan had made a mistake in egging on the Great and – fuck that, I'm callin' her Clown Pony.

He'd made a grave error in egging on the Clown. This was apparent. It was even worse that he'd tried to pin the blame on Twilight, but he wasn't going down without a fight.

He hadn't even gone full blown asshole yet.

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Twilight wasn't speaking to him.

He trudged back to the library after a while, and, much to his surprise, Rarity trotted alongside him. He'd have thought that after everything he'd said, Rarity would be one of the last people – uh, ponies – to want to be anywhere near him. He hated to have made them so angry at him; but, then again, if ponies were anything like people, then they tended to miss minor details that they otherwise would have noticed.

That was the whole idea, of course; ensuring that everypony else's attention would be elsewhere, and Trixie had practically handed it to him. So long as they were all distracted, including Twilight.

Especially Twilight.

And it was just his luck…

"So, why ain't you calming down your friend?" Ryan asked Rarity lowly, not looking at her. She pursed her lips, and after a moment, said "She wants to be alone right now, dar- Ryan."

She definitely did not look pleased. And she'd begun to refer to him by his name, which he didn't take as a good sign.

"Then why tag along?" he asked bitterly as they passed Sugarcube Corner. "Don't you have better 'friends' to hang around?"

"I most certainly do," she agreed. "and as unbearably chauvinistic, bigoted, and narrow-minded as you may be, I don't believe you really meant what you said to her."

Perceptive little…

"… Why'd you say that?" Ryan asked, still not looking at her.

"Because, dear, you're a terrible liar, and you've got 'guilt' written all over your face."

Ryan blinked, and finally realized that Twilight wasn't the only one who'd begun to pick up on some of his cues.

"I dunno what you're-"

"Spare me," Rarity said, deadpanning. "I know that face. It's the 'I'm planning something, but I don't want anyone to know,' face."

Ryan blinked again, dumbfounded. How she'd managed to see right through his ruse was beyond him.

"You forget, dear – Sweetie Belle is one of the cleverest, most conniving little troublemakers in all of Ponyville. I say again; I know that face."

Her unexpected outburst surprised him a bit. "I, uh… I thought you and your sister got along well?" he asked.

She huffed, and they drew close enough to the library that it was now in sight. "We did, dear… at least, until she apparently said something or other to my parents the last time they were visiting. Since then, they won't even look me in the eye, and Sweetie Belle won't say a word as to why…"

Ryan's heart froze in his chest, remembering back to his meeting with Rarity's sister and mother.

… Aw, fuck.

"Ah, there's that look again." she said with smug satisfaction, magically drawing open the door of the library. Spike, who had been balancing atop a ladder, turned quickly to see them.

"Twi, it's about time, those charts were – oh, hi Rarity!" his face lit up, and he dropped the book he was putting away. It hit the ground with a heavy thud, and he leapt off the ladder excitedly to run up and hug her.

"Hello, Spike," Rarity said as she gently pried away from him. "I was just escorting Twilight's friend here," she said with some disdain. "back to the library to make sure he doesn't get into any more trouble."

Ryan's face flushed in anger, though he held back.

What's she playing at?

"Oh, okay," Spike said, slightly crestfallen. "So… you gotta go do something important now, right?"

"Not at all, dear," she said happily, the mood change sudden. "I would be positively delighted should some kind drake offer tea for a tired lady…" she finished suggestively.

"Ooh! Ooh! I know a kind drake!" Spike threw his claw up in the air. "I'll get tea! Be right back!" and with that, he scampered off into the kitchen to prepare the tea. Much clanging and pottering about followed.

Rarity sighed, blowing a strand of purple hair out of her face. "There. That should give us a couple of minutes," she said as she took a seat nimbly on the sofa.

"For what?" Ryan asked suspiciously, crossing his arms.

"Look, dear. You're going to need help with whatever you've got planned, and you'd better have properly explained yourself within the next…" she paused, listening closely at the noise in the kitchen.

"Two. Two minutes."

Clang!

"Three. Three minutes."

Clang!

"… Just take your time, dear."

It took him a moment to figure out why she'd want to help him, especially after the cruel things he'd just said to her best friend.

He felt stupid afterwards, when he'd finally realized her reasoning behind her actions.

Ryan wasn't the only one that wanted answers.

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"Very well, peasant!" Trixie puffed as a bead of sweat rolled down her forehead. "Beat that!"

She stood in the center of town in front of her caravan, the crowds gazing in awe. Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, Pinkie and Rarity stood behind Twilight, watching hopefully.

Twilight was about to reply that she had no intention of giving any kind of retaliatory performance, when she was rudely interrupted.

By a rather loud, angry roar.

"URSA MAJOR URSA MAJOR URSA MAJOR URSA MAJOR!"

"FASTER, SNIPS! FASTER!"

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In the end, Rarity had wound up talking Ryan into completely scrapping his plan.

Albeit, in place of a much better plan.

All it had taken was a couple of flirty winks from Rarity before she left, and Spike was all to glad to let Ryan send his own little letter about his lessons on 'friendship' directly to Princess Celestia. And he didn't even need the massive distraction, although it definitely helped give him some extra time.

Afterwards, Ryan had asked Spike where Twilight kept the copies of her letters, so that he could place his amongst the files. To his chagrin, Spike only shrugged.

"Sorry, I don't know where she keeps the copies. I didn't even know she had any copies." He said, stuffing some more frosting in his mouth.

That, and the extra time granted him some breathing room to come up with a plan that would hopefully lead to Twilight hating him slightly less. He was living under the same roof with her, after all – and Ryan had had enough experiences with living with others to know that you do not want the other person to go to sleep angry.

Then again, Clara was legally insane and a lot more dangerous than Twilight Sparkle, but he considered that one up for debate.

Not even going to think about it…

Ryan distracted himself with the task at hand, and Spike helped… well, clean the bowls with his tongue.

"… Oh, dude. Gross."

"Whath groth?" he asked, his serpentine tongue coated in frosting as it flicked back between his lips with a sssst!

Ryan heard the front door creak open, and he quickly blew out the lights and hid, motioning for Spike to do the same.

"-and she's all, 'That's an Ursa Minor?', and you're all-"

"Yes, Rainbow Dash, I know," he heard Twilight say dryly. "I was there, remember? I'll see you tomorrow, I suppose…" she left it hanging.

"Oh, okay," Dash answered automatically. "Just remember what I told you; punch to the legs, then kick him in the head. Punch, kick – punch, kick…!" from the sounds of it, she was giving the air a good thrashing.

"I very well might," he heard Twilight reply wryly before closing the door, and he slowly made sure that Spike was in front of him. He was small, but he'd make an excellent meat shield should Twilight decide to follow her friend's advice and beat the ever living hell out of Ryan.

Not that he wouldn't deserve it.

She sighed, and magically lit an oil lamp. The room was instantly flooded with soft light as the little metal container was instantly heated.

Spike leapt out as soon as he saw the lamp, shouting "Surprise!"

Twilight shrieked, and telekinetically threw the lit lamp directly over Spike's head. Ryan, directly behind him, dropped the cake they'd spent hours on with a splat!, catching the lamp.

"AAGH! HOT! HOT!" Ryan yelped, hurling the lamp out the glass window as hard as he could. The window shattered, and from the sound of it, it had hit something in the street. The unfortunate soul outside began shrieking hysterically as well.

"Who dares to further defile the Gr- SWEET CELESTIA, FIRE! FIRE!"

Twilight, Spike, and Ryan all stood stock still, staring at the blunder they'd inadvertently caused. Twilight's horn glowed brightly for a moment, before slowly lighting a spare lamp and magically hanging it from the ceiling. From the new light, she could clearly see a frosting coated Ryan and Spike, although Spike looked fairly clean in the areas he could lick with his tongue.

On the ground in front of Ryan, the remains of the cake clearly spelled out Sory, Purple Twilite.

"… Uh… Oops?" Twilight offered comfortingly.

"Isn't anypony going to help Trixie?!"

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Author's Note:

Because lighting Trixie's caravan on fire couldn't possibly have any negative consequences.