Rainbow Dash's E-Mails: Season Three
Chapter 78: 78. love poems
Previous Chapter Next ChapterRainbow Dash's E-Mails: love poems
"Colt, where's my money that you owe me from all those e-mails that you wrote me?" Rainbow sang while bringing up an e-mail. Let's see what pony is e-mailing her this time.
Miss Rainbow Dash:
We know it was you who trampled all the DNA Evidences, we will come for you soon with an aprension order.
Signed: The Equestrian Bureau of Investigation, "Party Cart" Special Weapons Assault Tactics team
Rainbow roll her eyes then say sarcastically, "Oh no, it's the EBI, they found me out; Well, I guess I got no choice but to...DELETED!" The mare does the usual deleted technique.
DELETED!
"Ugh, I hate these trolls, you know." Rainbow snaps in annoyance before bringing up the next e-mail.
Subject: love poem
Dear Miss Rainbow [Dash],
I am in love. Sadly, I am absotively blunderous when it concerns the words for when I speak. Can you help me to write a love poem?
Sincerely,
Another Hopeless Romantic
Rainbow pauses before reading '[Dash]' and read 'hopeless' as 'youngless'. We see a book written by Granny Smith.
The
YOUNGLESS
ROMANTIC
verses from the barn
and alarming recipes for
apple stew
by
Granny Smith
Rainbow types in as she say, "Well, get your cloudy stained jacket on, buddy, and gather around the fire in the barn, Youngless Romantic. The Dash [Doctor]..." She put in same pause duration as before. "...is here to help you out!"
In the classroom, Rainbow stood in front of a blackboard with some weird turtleneck and a familiar captain's hat. The word 'Dash' is written on the blackboard next to an arrow that points downward.
"Hey there, Doctor Hurricane Dashdown here; Do you know that writing love poems is easy as telling fillies or colts that she is so hot with the most frou-frouest words that you can think up of? Well, for poetic inspiration, I would swipe the names of scented candle fragrances!" The mare exclaims. We fade out.
As we fade back, we see Rainbow in front of a gray background. As she held up a lit orange and green candle with a labeled 'Equestrian Staged Sunset', echoes are heard as the mare said, "Oh, your eyes...they flicked like an Equestrian Staged Sunset."
Rainbow put her hoof down before holding up a lit white candle with a label saying 'Fresh Cotton Cloud' in her right hoof, saying, "Your mane flows like Fresh Cotton Clouds that hang right in the sky." She put the hoof down before holding a lit brown candle labeled 'Granny's Apple Cinnamon Cider' in her left, "Granny's Apple Cinnamon Cider is how I described your mouth."
Rainbow put her hoof down as she says, "As for your nose...why, it's like an unscented emergency candy..." The mare held up a white candled that is unlabeled, "...when the power goes out."
Back in the classroom, the echoes stops as the mare continues, "Okay, another way of fancying a love poem up is to replace random letters in the middle of the words with apostrophes." We see the background where 'Dash' and the arrow had been erased but remain faintly visible. As Rainbow speaks, the words in quotes appear on the blackboard in chalk, the mare's voice slightly echoes again. "'It is never ever over, my lover of clover' can become 'Tis ne'er e'er o'er m'lo'er o' clo'er.'"
Applejack is leaning in from the right, the echoes stop as she remarks, "Hoo doggy! Now yer're done speaking mah language!"
"Applejack, get out!" Rainbow snaps to Applejack who leaves quickly. "Stallions or mares love it when you speak all Celestian." The word '-Celestian' appears to the right of her. "But you shouldn't be too afraid to get all Luna'..." '-Lunan' appears under the first word on the blackboard. "...Or Meganan..." '-Megan' appears under '-Lunan'. "...if the time calls for it."
We now see a Teen Colt Squad scene with Football Jock and Hum Dum, the former has an annoyed look that has the shirt reading 'poi fect' on it while saying, "I really can't stand how Megan talks!"
As the Football Jock looks annoyed and Hum Dum frowns, we see a filly named Megan, bending backwards with a happy look on her face while her tongue sticks out. She says, "I'th hath a cruth on ethry colt'th!"
As the two TCS members looks annoyed, Megan looks puzzled, not sure as to why they're annoyed. A different filly named Luna, her mouth wide open and her mane flying behind her, rush in, saying, "I herly berly on ferly werly!"
Arrow'd Eagle appears as Billie Goat Shakespeare, spearing Megan and Luna, much to the pleasure of the Football Jock and Hum Dum who watched on. Narrator Rainbow Dash boomed, "Shakespeared!"
"Of course, if that olde age stuff is too olde schoole for you, how about a more contemporary approach with an overweight R&B make out jam?" Rainbow asks in the classroom with music playing. "Just make sure that your tone is well-dressed enough and sweaty enough. It wouldn't matter what you say if you do."
We now see a Activated by Spike background with yellow lights shining out of it. A stallion named Lawrence Lover held a microphone in the lower the right as he drifts to the upper left, he begins to sing.
Lawrence Lover: This is Lawrence Lover with a sweaty overweight jam!
The stallion disappears, reappearing in the lower left as he drifts to the upper right.
My name is Lawrence Lover with a sweaty overweight ham!
Lawrence disappears before reappearing in the upper center, drifting down.
It may be five pounds...
The Pound sterling symbol appears in Lawrence Lover's right sunglasses lens, the number 5 is in his left ones.
...ten pounds,
The 5 change into a 10.
twenty pounds,
Once the 10 turns into a 20, Lawrence disappears with two versions of him appearing on both sides, drifting towards the center.
Just a little bit overweight, now welcome, filly, to sweaty town!
Back in the classroom, Rainbow adds, "And when that will get you slapped and removed from the building by security, which normally happens with some annoying rappers, you can always buy a 14 pound bag of extra long..."
Just then, Derpy flew in from the left wearing a similar turtleneck, interrupting as she says, "Ah ha, Rainbow Dash! Funny when you try to speak grown up pony!"
"And what are you on about, Miss Doo?"
"Well, everypony knows that I'm the only one around here with any hooves on experience with the stallions! Just listen to this make out inducing number that I threw together this mo'ning!" Derpy smiles as she begins to dance and speak in rhythm, "This mo'nin'." The whole thing became catchy as even Rainbow is dancing along, "This mo, re-mo; re-mo-mo'ning!"
"Okay, go ahead, but only because that little song was kind of cool." Rainbow said with a shrug; May as well see what rhythm that her friend has made.
"Thanks! Ahem!"
We fade out...
...and fade back in to show Derpy, now with a rainbow mane similar to Rainbow's, in front of a gray background. The mare is on the left. To her right is a paper with the word 'TIME TURNER' written vertical.
As Derpy's voice slightly echoes, she speaks, "Time is for tortillas..." We see 'tortilla' appear next to the 'T' on the paper, "The real stuff, not brand! I is for not-organic ice cream..." 'ICE CREAM' appears next to the 'I', "Pesticles, ahoy! M is for melons..." 'MELONS' appears next to the 'M'. "...that is hard to swallow! E is too hard so I will pass on this one." 'PASS' appears next to the 'E' on the paper. "T is for tacos!" 'T' appears next to the word 'tacos'. "...and..."
"Derpy!" Rainbow is heard snapping in annoyance.
Back in the classroom, the echoes stop as Derpy's rainbow is gone. The confused mare asks, "Huh? What's wrong, Rainbow Dash?"
"That isn't a love poem! That is just some grocery list that you made there!" Rainbow remarks to Derpy in annoyance as the latter hold up a small piece of line paper, the words 'amazing thing' is written four times on the other side.
"Nah; this is my grocery list! Amazing thing, amazing thing, amazing thing, and of course, amazing thing!"
"Geez, where the hay have you been shopping?"
"The Cloudsdale Mall, of course!" Derpy exclaims happily to her friend.
Rainbow blinks and asks skeptically, "Uh, are you and Time Turner even dating right now?"
"Are we dating right now?" Derpy ask with a chuckle while smiling. "Yeah, are we even d...are we even d..." The mare pauses then spoke quietly and sadly, "Actually, no. I haven't got the nerve to ask him out yet."
"Never?"
"Yes, not even..." Derpy begins dancing and singing, "This mo'nin'!"
Both of them begin to sing together, "This mo'nin'! This mo, re-mo, re-mo-"
Rainbow back on her computer types in as she said, "So there you have it; My Youngless Roma'ic. Love Poems 101. Oh the hearts you could win..." She held up a plug-in air freshener. "Like this cloud scented plug in." The mare put its down. "All right, new paper whom I still can't stand, come and get some."
The new paper comes down, bringing this chapter/e-mail to a close.
We see Spike looks eager as he jumps up and done, holding book of poem titled 'Rarity Poem Tome by Spike'. We see a phone nearby as the audio of the e-mail can be heard faintly in the distance.
"Come on, why isn't Rainbow calling me in on the Rainbow Dashphone?!" Spike asks eagerly and anxiously. "This e-mail was made for a hopeless romantic like me!"
We can hear Rainbow in the background, "...Well, get your cloudy stained jacket on, buddy, and gather around the fire in the barn, Youngless Romantic. The Dash..."
The End
Author's note
Well, folks, Rainbow has given out some advice to you love poem people. In the next chapter/e-mail, the mare helps out with the whole Hide and Seek game. Read, review and suggest.