Rainbow Dash's E-Mails: filly fan

"Okay, how many e-mails can you check? 5, 12, 7...shut up." Rainbow said as she brings up the first e-mail of the show.

Rainbow

Acutally Barney is a purple Dinosaur just to clear things up oh as for a few other things though ever wanted to time travel into the past ? just curious though well can't wait till the next Email

Adam

"Well, thanks for telling me that, Adam." Rainbow mumbles while typing in her response. "Now then, as far as time travel, that would be interesting to try...provided we get a spell that keeps us there for more than a few lousy minutes. Twilight sure learnt that one the hard way; next e-mail!"

Subject: extra cool
Dear Rainbow Dash,
Problem: my new filly fan doesn't like you so much. Do I call it quits with her now or can you do something extra cool to impress her?
Duck Webster
Coltson, Texasloin

Rainbow reads 'Coltson' as 'Cooson'. She then types in, "Duck Webster; Pal, you sound like a boring soap opera comics strips from the..." The mare stops typing for a moment, "Quote-un-quote." She types once more, "'funny pages'."

We see a boring soap-opera comic which is entitled 'Duck Webster, Extraordinaire'. As music plays, the characters talk with speech balloons appearing.

"Filly Fan, it is all over for us...unless you take a shine to Rainbow Dash." Buck said to his Filly Fan dramatically.

"Oh, Ducky..." The filly fan said while whimpering a bit. In the next panel, the pony is holding a gun at Duck as she continues, "I will give Rainbow Dash a chance. In fact..."

We see a panel that has a turtle in a pool with the caption 'sea turtles eat a wide variety of food, not tortoises'. The filly fan said, "...I am becoming friends with her...big time..."

"Baby, come on, stay with me." Duck said to his filly fan in concern. The stallion is showing holding a yoga DVD in the next panel. "I can buy you a new yoga DVD!"

In the next panel, the Filly fan is crying as we see a caption that said 'Back in Des Manesz'...' The mare then said, "I'll...think about it, I think."

We now leave the comic. The computer has been cleared as Rainbow continues typing, saying, "Well, obviously we know who she's going to show, Duck. That's what you want, right? But hey, you wanted it, you got it. As you know, whenever ponies send me stupid e-mails like these, I'm obligated by to do what they saw no matter what. Okay, some extra special awesomeness coming right up!"

---

Rainbow is in the gym wear as she arrives at the gym. The mare said, "Nothing's more E-S-C than one hoofed-pushups. Betcha a couple of these bad babies can do the trick. Here I go!" She attempts to do a one-hoofed push-up, only to fall down. The scoreboard nearby buzzes, changing to -1, "Wait, did I say '1 hoofed push-ups'? Those things are for lame-os! Real onies begin with two-hoofed push-ups! I say we start with 50 and see what happens. Here I go again!"

We see a blue bumper sticker that says 'Real Ponies Play Two Hoofed Push-ups' with an image of a soccer ball in the corner. Rainbow tries to do the two-hoofed pushups, sweat came down. But no matter what, she can't herself off the guard; Either Rainbow isn't trying or...well, doesn't matter as the scoreboard buzzes once more, turning to -51.

"What the hay; I can't do one lousy push up?!" Rainbow asks in shock and annoyance. "Come on, I used to be able to do four! Perhaps I should work out more."

We see Pinkie Pie in her aerobics instructor gear, wearing a Singlet and legwarmers. The pink pony grins as she exclaims, "You betcha you do! 1, 2 and flex your hooves! Give it 8 more and 5! Twees it out! Come on, everypony; Just twees it out."

"'Twees it out'?"

Pinkie turns around to show her friend what she means by showing off her rear. Rainbow yelps and looks away, blocking the image with one hoof.

"Your flankweesimo; we will mold that twees into the Iron Stallion!" Pinkie exclaims as she looks towards Rainbow Dash's 'twees', causing the mare to cover it with both hooves, "All right! 6 more now! 8 and 4! Shake it freely, twees it out!"

"Okay, cool, cool." Rainbow said uneasily to Pinkie. "I will just go ahead and need you to never say 'twees it out' again, okay?"

"Doing great, ponies! Now shoulders down! 1 and 2! Feel the burn and go to bed! Make breakfast, work and talk to me!"

Rainbow rolls her eyes and trots towards the viewer while Pinkie continues stretching. The Pegasus pony said, "Right, so what will really impress your filly fan is a cute, fluffy Scootaloo..."

---

In the laundry room, Rainbow goes up to the dryer while continuing, "Right at from the dryer!" The mare opens the dryer, showing Scootaloo all cute and fluffed up. "All right, just look at her. Cottonly soft..."

Rainbow of course tries to take Scootaloo, getting shocked literally by the static electricity. The mare screams, "AHHHHH! Man, uses a dryer sheer for the love of Celestia!" The filly of course begins turning green, making weird noises. "Uh oh, this isn't looking extra special awesome at all."

Rainbow closes the dryer door in the nick of time. Scootaloo threw up. The mare said, "Not to worry, Scoots. We will throw you into the wash, okay? That will clean you right up."

We see some of the vomit running out the corner of the dryer door; Pinkie, still in her work-out uniform, bounces in, exclaiming, "Okay, back in the wash, come on, come on; Twees it, twees it, zabaladoo!"

"Oh, will you get out of here, Random Simmons?! I'm trying to get some filly to like some colt that I don't even know at all!"

Pinkie bobs up and down twice more, happily.

---

At the Ponyville school, Rainbow is sitting at a table with Cheerile with a kitty litter bag that is labeled 'PET MESS', a pie pan with some kitty litter in it, a glue fun, envelopes and scissors. Don't ask.

"One thing I don't get about filly fans: they all like horsecrappy arts and crafts projects..." Rainbow said with an annoyed sigh.

"Well, Rainbow Dash, we're going to be making a really creative centerpiece out of junk mail and kitty litter." Cheerilee explains to Rainbow with a smile.

"Right, sounds heavenly..." Rainbow said sarcastically as she watches Cheerilee take an envelope and uses the scissors to cut it up.

"First off, I need you to take all your snip-sniparooskies...that is what we called scissors of course."

"Right, uh-huh..."

"...and then just a crinkle cut right here on the northern edge..." Cheerilee was cut off as Rainbow knocks both the envelope and scissors to the table, making the Earth pony upset with her.

"Argh, never mind that," Rainbow exclaims angrily. "What the filly fans really want is some...PYROTECHNICS!"

With a mad laugh, Rainbow uses a lighter onto the table, causing a lot of explosions that turns everything to ashes, as well as Cheerilee's mane. The ashen remains of the 'PET MESS' bag collapses, making the mare frown.

"Honestly, Rainbow Dash, you are a horse's twees." Cheerilee remarks angrily as the glue gun's remains collapse as well.

---

Back at the computer, Rainbow types in, "Okay, Duck, there you have it. Wait, hang on..." We change to the comic strip version of the mare who is talking to Duck. "Okay, Duck, there you have it! If that floozy isn't all up ons after that, you should drop her like flight class, see?!"

In the next panel, Duck answers, "Yeah, tight, Rainbow Dash, the real kind."

We see the next panels that show a silhouettes of Rainbow and Duck...seeing Pinkie working out while saying, "All right, that's it. Keep those twees real tight. Flex it, flex it, shoulder stance!"

In the next panel, we see the comic book version of the paper as its noise is heard, the caption reads 'PREEEOW!' That means that this chapter/e-mail is at a close. We see a DVD of Pinkie's weight-loss stuff that is titled 'Tweesercize'. The box reads...

Tweesercize with Pinkie Pie
Loose weight?
6 minutes long!

The End

Author's note
Hopefully this can help Rainbow's fan with his filly fan, but if not, oh well? In the next chapter/e-mail, we see what happens when the mare's head is disconnected from her body. Read, review and suggest!