Rainbow Dash's E-Mails: technology

Rainbow Dash is once again on her computer, typing in 'rainbowdash_email dot exe' as she sang, "Don't you wanna email, don't you need a email, don't you turn your life around!" The mare presses enter to bring in the first e-mail of the chapter.

Rainbow

Do you ever play any racing games at all ? Like the NFS series now that is awesome check em out some time now as for me so anyway do you ever listen to the radio when your just bored out of your marbles ?

Your fan Adam

Rainbow types as she answers, "Yeah, I've played a few racing games. Who haven't? The Wonderbolts ones are my ABSOLUTE fave of all Equestria. Now as for the radio, I do...sometimes. See my 'radio' e-mail for more info; Next e-mail!"

Subject: little help, please
Dear Rainbow Dash;
I'm a middle school technology teacher. I would really appreciate it if you can come up with an intro that I could use to teach my new classes. Thanks.
Pway
Ostrichgo NY

Rainbow said 'Ostrichgo NY' as 'Ostrichgo to New Yolk' with the city in a sing-songy voice as if saying 'Off we go!' The mare roll her eyes as she types while asking, "What, you would really appreciate it? Seriously, that's it? Back in the Ponyland days, I would've gotten up for 3 chickens, a sack of barley and a half-dead goat for doing those technology intro-mercials." We see a picture of a goat with a caption 'Is this goat you see half-dead or half-alive? You decide!'

Rainbow clears the screen as she continues, "I definitely hope that JCPony's accepts 'really appreciate it's' because they sure as hay stop taking 'I'll be your best friend forever' a while ago. Either way, middle school foals are all morons. Well, they will need my help and guidance that those ponies can get."

Rainbow got up and heads off to do the intro.

---

We now see Rainbow in a white lab coat in front of a blackboard that has the words 'I'M USING TECHNOLOGY' and a poster that has a drawing of a computer that is captioned 'computers don't BYTE ya'.

Rainbow begins moving her hooves like a robotic while speaking like one, "1-0-0, 1-1, 0, 1, 1-0, 1-1-0, 0-1." The mare spoke normally as she continues, "For those who can't understand me. I am speaking technology. The word 'technology'...means...'magic' in science talk; it's basically anything that is awesome, really awesome that you probably got no idea how it works! If it breaks, you gotta buy a new one. Why, I've got some technology underneath my flank right now! Whoo-ya!"

Rainbow then takes a 5 1/4 floppy disk with the logo '5.25' power from behind herself then throws it into the air, catching the floppy disk right on her right hoof. The mare said, "This is diskette, this stuff are made by computer to help us ponies. Just like cows..." We see a crude drawing of a cow replacing the text on the blackboard, "...invented milk. The two warring factions of diskettes are floppy disks..."

Rainbow shakes the 5 1/4 disk, emphasizing its floppiness before continuing, "...and the hard kind." The mare lifts an unlabeled 3 1/2 floppy disk in her right hoof. She hid the latter while continuing, "I of course prefer these big ones because they held more memory. Of course, you gotta..." Rainbow crumples the 5 1/4 disk while continuing, "...fold these babies to fit them into the new computers."

Rainbow drops the crumpled disk as she continues, "Another thing you will need is your very own email address..." We cut to a Lardy like computer screen that has an orange enveloped that is labeled 'e-mail'. "Now you gotta take your favorite hobby..."

We see the words 'soccer', 'ballet', 'cupcake eating', 'skater', 'fire', 'football', 'race ponies' and 'swimteam' alternating underneath the envelope before stopping on the last one. Rainbow continues, "...add colt, grrl, pie or izzle"..." The words alternate next to 'swimteam' as she says them, before being replaced by 'pie'. "...then put a bunch of cool numbers right at the end!"

The number 123345 appears next to 'pie'. The address is now completed as the words 'at coltergardenguard dot edu' appearing on the next line.

Back in the classroom, we see a picture of a robot marching towards a city and the words 'gank gank'. Rainbow moves her hooves and head in a robotic while speaking like one again, "Robots are really shaped to be square ponies..." The mare spoke normally again. "They are used when blasting Neighpan and serving hors d'oeuvres."

We see something in an upside down pail, which has bolts and a smiley mouth drawn on it with a marker as well as light bulbs sticking out of the holes that is cut in the sides. Spike is in it, holding a plate of hors d'oeuvres as he speaks in a robotic voice, "Hors d'oeuvres, mistress?"

"Oh yes, the Spikebot! Yes, I would love a stuffed grape leaf!" Rainbow exclaimed as she grabs a treat and eats it.

---

In the field, Rainbow and 'Spikebot' is standing near Filthy Rich who is talking to someone on his cell phone. The mare motions to it while explaining, "Originally, teullar cell phones are used for sending misspelled messages to your pals to let them that you're hanging out in the food court."

"Ahem, I am buying movie tickets with my cell phone, Miss Dash." Filthy said to Rainbow sternly. "Please don't interrupt me."

"Oh yes, Filthy just bought movie tickets with his cell phone!"

"It's Mr. Rich...and while I'm at it, I'm watching a movie on this thing!"

"Oh, oh, he just watched a movie on his cell phone!" Rainbow remarks to the camera in amazement.

"Ugh! You obviously don't know anything about private conversions!" Filthy snaps angrily to Rainbow. "Why, during the time you interrupted me, I just wrote, directed, produced and made a movie with my cell phone too!"

"Oh, awesome! Filthy just wrote, directed, produced and made a movie with his cell phone..."

"I got an incoming call. I just got into the Sundance thing. And you aren't invited."

"...and he just got into Sundance, high-hoof, pal!" Rainbow exclaims as she held out a hoof for Filthy to clap. The stallion of course put his phone away, put on a pair of sunglasses, takes out a water bottle before heading off, drinking. Rainbow, still holding out for the high-hoof a bit longer, continues, "Oh right, see you later."

Rainbow emphasizes 'see' and 'you' as if saying 'C U'. She pauses then turns to Spike, asking, "And what are you still doing here, Spikebot?"

---

Back at the classroom, the blackboard now reads 'THE FUTURE?' in large letters. Rainbow continues, "The future of technology, which ponies and those humans from Earth won't shut their yaps about, is wireless. In other words, things like..." The blackboard now shows drawings of the items that she spoke up. "...walkcolts, flashlights as well as solar calculators."

Rainbow came out in front of the blackboard, holding up a 'Coltalate' brand calculator with has the digits '53046 3080' types in. The mare exclaims, "Check this out! Mine can say 'oboe shoes'!"

The mare turns her calculator upside so the digits resemble the words 'OBOE SHOES'.

---

Rainbow sits back down on her computer as she types in, saying, "And of course, there's this baby, the AwesomeX, which dominates technology with one 42 pound, allegedly portable hoof. Watch ponies as it saves this screen automatically."

Rainbow types in 'screen_savior dot exe' on a new line which brings up a screen saver that looks like a primitive 3D. At every turn in this maze, the words 'Rainbow Dash is awesome and got the styles' are written on the walls.

There, see? Screen is saved. This thing will last 50 years! Okay, awkward foals, I'm done flying my tech-knowledge. Now scram! I gotta find my way out of these catacombs." Rainbow said to the audience. The paper comes down, bringing this e-mail to a close. After a few delays, the mare can be heard saying, "Left...left...wait, right...no, left...right...keep going...Rainbow Dash...style. Man, where are you taking me, AwesomeX? Wow...I puke all over this maze, you know?"

---

A while later, in the library, Twilight frowns as she explains to Rainbow, "Rainbow, for the last time, they are both floppy disks!"

"So you think this is a floppy disk?" Rainbow asks Twilight dryly while holding up a disk.

"I don't think, I know. I am a student after all."

"So it isn't a hard disk?"

As Rainbow brings out a disk and hits the desk with it three times, Twilight answers, "No."

"And you're sure about this?" Rainbow asks Twilight with a frown.

"Absolu..."

Twilight was cut off as Rainbow throws the disk at her face, making her yelp in pain. That hurt!

---

Time Turner is selling wireless extension cords at his place, calling out, "Wireless extension cords, get them here; 3 for 300; Lightweight, existent and really shockproof!"

Derpy appears, saying happily, "Duuuuuh...I will take fooour!" The goofy Pegasus pony flew up to the left side and disappears from sight.

The End

Author's note
So whatcha think, folks? Does Rainbow know technology or what? In the next chapter/e-mail, the Pegasus pony dramatically narrates other ponies' lives. Read, review and suggest.