I actually went back to watching the Invader ZIM series in mid-chapter, so expect things to get much more twisted yet much more badass some point in this one.

Chapter 3: Lee Eats Nanobots

Zim sat down on an armchair in the living room and opened an Irken newspaper, which completely hid his face from anything going on in front of him.

GIR sat on the couch in dog form, drooling like a- well, a dog, of course.

Then Twilight strolled in and looked at Zim. "Hey, Zim, do you have any hay or apples or something of the sort? All I can find is soup."

"INTRUDER!" GIR screamed, and he jumped out of his disguise with rocket launchers on his shoulders and his now red eyes covered with focused collapsible optics with small apertures ready to fire deadly lasers at any second.

"Um, can I help you?" Twilight asked.

"Put those away, GIR, she's with us," said Zim.

"Okaaay!" said GIR, his weaponry sank back into his shoulders and his eyes changed back to normal, then he ran up to Twilight and shook her hand- in this case, hoof- vigorously. "I'm GIR! I don't know what the G stands for, and I'm happy to turn you into a wedge of cheese at any day of the hour at your command!"

GIR's hand eventually popped off, stuck to Twilight's hoof. Twilight had her eyes closed at the moment, but it seemed more like she was trying to get GIR away from her.

"Can I have my hand back?" GIR asked.

Twilight opened her eyes, and looked at the metal hand attached to her hoof. "Sure," she tossed the hand at GIR, and it magnetically reattached.

"Oh, yes, Twilight, about your question," Zim leaned in. "No."

"Okay, then, guess I'll just have soup."

Then Rainbow Dash walked in. "Is the soup up for grabs?"

"Yes," Zim growled.

"Just checking to see if you were making a sculpture out of it or something," Rainbow Dash hovered off to the dining room table to eat some soup.

"Sculptures, out of soup," Zim muttered as he turned a page. "Preposterous."

"I don' know," said GIR. "I made a chair out of it once."

Zim threw his newspaper down. "You did not!"

"I did! I can show you!" said GIR.

Zim pointed at GIR in rage, "LIES!"

Hector hummed 'America, F*** Yeah' as he continued avidly cooking soup with his bare hands, this time a ball of fire escaped from his fingertips and went right into the soup; of course, he didn't let anyone see because he was going to use this power FOR JUSTICE and to go camping without matches.

When Rainbow Dash had a look at the soup-covered table, she pondered the chef's sanity and decided that she wouldn't eat the soup, due to the idea that Hector might have done something screwy to the soup and the fact that nobody sane can make so much soup without constantly muttering 'soup' at some point in the soup making process.

Then Vir walked in to the room with a cup of coffee in his hand. "Zim?"

"WHAT DO YOU WANT?" Zim shouted.

"Where do we keep the cement remover? I believe I have welded a cup of coffee onto my hand."

"It's in the drawer, be careful not to slip on any soup," said Zim.

Vir walked carelessly into the kitchen, and searched through a drawer next to the oven for the cement removal paste.

Tak had cleared a space for herself to drink Irken whiskey to forget the ridiculous day that happened so many hours ago, then Twilight sat next to her.

"Eh? Good day, earth thing," said Tak, and she took a swig from her glass.

"What are you drinking?" asked Twilight.

"Super happy fun juice," said Tak. "You can call it whiskey, though."

"I'll pass," Twilight muttered, and she went to eating soup.

"Magnificent SOUP!" Hector shouted, tossing a bowl of soup out the window. "GO FORTH AND DISCOVER YOUR DESTINY!"

Meanwhile, outside of the apartment, Dib was getting off of a bus. "Well, it's a good thing that I had my city bus pass and this isn't another hallucination," Dib looked both ways, and smiled. "All right."

A bowl of soup landed on Dib's head. "EEYAAAGH! I'M BLIND!"

"...And that's why I shall never eat oatmeal again," said Zim, who was sitting at the dining room table with his newspaper.

Everyone had been fiddling with something at the time, Zim was fiddling with a newspaper, Hector was fiddling with fire, Tak was fiddling with alcohol, Twilight was psycho-kinetically fiddling with a spoon in order to eat soup, and GIR was just plain fiddling, pretty well, too.

"How's this one, Zim? Da da da da da, da da da da da, da da da da da da da da, da da da da da, da da da da da, da da da da da da da DA DA," GIR played these 'notes' on the fiddle.

"Needs work, better than the last one, though," said Zim, he crumpled his newspaper. "Anyhow..."

Zim threw his newspaper like a football into GIR's face, crushing his fiddle.

"That REALLY hurt!" said GIR happily.

"Too right, it did," said Zim. "God, I hate reading the paper."

"Where did you get all this soup, anyway?" said Kat, feasting on her third bowl. "It tastes like crap."

"Why do you continue to eat it, then?" Zim asked.

"I don't know-"

"It's got adrenaline and coke in it!" said GIR happily.

"Oh, yeah, that's probably why," said Kat, and she guzzled the soup down faster than before.

Twilight pushed her half-eaten soup away from herself hesitantly. "I think I'll just have a sandwich."

"You sure you don't want some happy juice? It'll make ALL your troubles go away," Tak hiccuped. "Trust me."

"No, thank you," said Twilight, and she swiftly created a rough sandwich and went over to the deck.

Tak picked up her bottle. "More for the rest of us, eh, Mr. Whiskey?" she passed out.

"Now, I'm going to go out and test the D.E.P.R.O.S.A. Hector, Tak, watch the ponies and make sure they don't do anything stupid," said Zim, and he picked the D.E.P.R.O.S.A. up from under his chair, dragged GIR out of his sitting spot and left out the front door.

"Shut up," said Tak drunkenly, waking up from her quick period of unconsciousness.

Pinkie Pie slowly stuck her head in the path of the kitchen doorway. "Cupcakes, anyone?"

Hector drew his attention from his soup. "Cupcakes? But all we have here is soup and the distorted surgically removed stillborn flesh of the clones Zim attempted to create and didn't get a chance to liv- oh, I see what you're getting at. I'd love one."

"You, Kat?"

"HECK yes!"

"Tak, would you like one? They're to DIE for!" said Pinkie Pie maniacally.

"WHO ARE YOU?" Tak screamed drunkenly, and she threw one of her bottles at Pinkie Pie, missing.

Hector raised an eyebrow. "Wait a minute, why do we have two kitchens?"

"Because I brought one with me!" said Pinkie Pie insanely, and her head went straight back into the secondary kitchen.

"Wait, does that count as something stupid?" Tak asked.

"Well, we have too much soup to make for an army, and Zim's clones didn't really have anything to live for," said Hector.

"No, I mean, adding a second kitchen," said Tak, somehow sobering up fairly quickly.

Hector pondered for a moment as he spun a fork with his two index fingers. "You know, I actually think that's a good idea with a house of seventeen... beings- that eat food."

"I did something good! YEAH!" said Pinkie Pie, she apparently fist-pumped, as a crunch could be heard from the secondary kitchen.

"MOTHERF-!" screamed the voice of Cthulhu.

"Sorry," said Pinkie Pie.

"Daw, why would I stay mad at you?" Cthulhu's question was answered when he was thrown out the window at the speed of a bullet.

"GO BACK TO RY'LEH!" Pinkie Pie shouted.

"Yes, ma'am," said Cthulhu.

Back outside the apartment, where Zim had taken GIR to experiment with the D.E.P.R.O.S.A, the two were intercepted by the good ol' interfering Dib human.

"What's that you got there, Zim? A tuba with a VCR stuck to it?" Dib asked, examining the device Zim had with him as he goose-stepped to the area in which he planned to test the D.E.P.R.O.S.A.

"No, Dib, it is a MAGNIFICENT machine used to shoot stuff at people," said Zim. "Any kind of stuff, created by dark energy inside military-grade Meekrob energy-to-matter conversion tapes. Anyway, I will NEVER tell you what it does!"

"You just did," said Dib, examining the device with persistent annoyance.

Zim shoved Dib out of his way and continued moving.

Dib quickly stood up. "Converting energy to matter, huh? That would be a nice piece of technology for-" Dib jumped on top of the device cartoonishly and attempted to remove the power source on top. "Earth- sciences- man, that's really in there."

"We use spray-on cement," said Zim, then he tossed Dib into a pile of garbage. "Now leave me alone, human filth, this is merely a test run."

"But I don't want to go to school tomorrow," said Dib drunkenly, exposed to toxic fumes from the garbage.

Zim looked at Dib, and let out a simple "ha" of surprise, then he continued walking with GIR at his heels. "GIR, I want you to record this moment, 'Dib human actually stops resisting for a few seconds'."

GIR drew an artistic image of Zim throwing Dib into a garbage bin at high speed, then gave Zim the thumbs up and incinerated it in his stomach.

"Mommy, is that you?" said Dib as Zim and GIR left the scene. "No, mommy, I don't want to come into the light!"

"Hey, what do you know! There is something other than soup in here after all!" said Rainbow Dash, who was inspecting the upper pantry, and pulled out a small tin canister of liquid with Zim's custom Irken symbol on the large label, then she read the title label. "INBPT-17, never mind, it's probably just vinegar or something." Rainbow Dash tossed the canister onto the table, where it rolled into Lee's path, and continued searching.

"Aw yeah! I'm all about vinegar!" Lee said, and he popped the tin lid right off of the cylinder.

"WHAT-ARE-YOU-DOING-WE-DON'T-KNOW-WHAT-THAT-" Tak screamed before Lee emptied the contents of the container into his mouth.

Lee's head let out a hiss, and made a noise like a giant door creaking open, along with a loud alarm bell like several much smaller alarm bells, then a load of clicks, and the sound of wires stretching and a rubbery snapping noise.

"Well, that didn't hurt a bit, I guess I'll just finish this sentence without an unconventional inter-HAAARGH!" Lee jumped out of his chair and doubled over, screaming in pain as invisible blades made loud slicing noises in his rotting flesh.

"Well, he doesn't sound happy, does he?" said Hector, who had finally stopped making soup and was standing next to Rainbow Dash.

"No, no he doesn't," she replied, horrified.

Lee's right hand, which was exposed bone, was covered in a metal shroud like liquid, the space around his missing left eye was replaced with a shining red ocular implant surrounded by a pearly white metal material. His chest area, which had a direct hole right through it, was sealed in a black metal material, and grew three shining red and black metallic tentacles out of his back. "MY... GOD THAT HURTS!"

"Easy, now!" said Tak, exaggerating her British accent. "Your genetic code is being rewritten! Just hold on and everything will be fine!"

Lee screamed in pain and fell to the ground.

Everyone stood still for a moment while they waited for Lee to recover.

"HEY! Why does HE get replacement organs and I don't even get a stinking memory?" said Kat angrily, breaking the silence. "Not fair."

Zim and GIR were throwing large objects at passing civilians without a care in the world. "Isn't this WONDERFUL, GIR? We haven't had a day like this since we got our hands on that box of mutant earth vermin!"

"I miss my sammich," said GIR sadly.

"When we're done with this, GIR, you can be the LORD OF SANDWICHES!" said Zim triumphantly.

"YAAAY!" GIR cried, and he hugged Zim, causing him to miss his target of a kitten and bean a police officer right in between the eyes with a bowling ball, breaking his nose.

Zim slowly lowered the D.E.P.R.O.S.A. after realizing what he had just done. "Oh... poop."

"RABBLEROUSERS!" said the policeman, pointing with one hand as he held a handy napkin to his face with the other.

"GIR, get off me, I'll yell at you after we're finished running away," said Zim.

"Okay," said GIR happily as the officer approached the two of them with a night stick. "When are we running?"

"Now," said Zim, he grabbed GIR and used one of the mechanical legs from his PAK to hold on to the D.E.P.R.O.S.A. "Right now."

"GET 'EM!" screamed the officer, and three police cars immediately rammed into the group of three.

"JET PACK MODE, GIR! JET PACK MODE, AND DON'T TELL ME YOU MADE ROOM FOR TUNA!" Zim screeched. GIR obliged and activated his rocket boosters, Zim hopped on and GIR flew up a wall before the police cars could crush them.

A police helicopter chased the two as GIR shot through the sky, creating a stream of red smoke.

Zim shot random objects at the helicopter as GIR headed toward the apartment building to try to lose the police. "Rockets, ROCKETS, WHY CAN'T THIS THING THROW ROCKETS?"

GIR turned a corner into a junkyard area where his insane little mind thought that the helicopter wouldn't be able to follow him through.

"Excellent work, GIR! I can find materials for a rocket in the junkyard!" said Zim.

"Materials? But I was just gonna fly through the mashers!" said GIR, and with that, he dive-bombed into an area full of garbage crushers.

"What? NOOOO!" Zim cried. The helicopter pilot must have been crazy, as he indeed followed GIR, through the car compactor, in and out of the secondary car compactor, through an area of spike crushers which Zim and the copilot thought were pointless, and finally, down into the incinerator room.

"GIR, go back! We can just shoot lasers at them! I should have thought of that before!"

"Pretty light..." GIR said, hypnotized by the heat-enhanced light coming from the incinerator room.

GIR dove into the incinerator. The helicopter dove after him, only to be stopped by the door, which smashed the helicopter's nose, causing it to explode.

Zim had a look behind him at the destroyed helicopter as it fell daintily into the incineration chamber below. "Good work, GIR, they won't know what hit- SWEET CORN IN AN ICE CUBE TRAY LOOK OUT FOR THAT CAR!"

This was a very dysfunctional incineration pit within a junkyard, and therefore was incapable of executing certain tasks in its garbage-burning queue. This was why a compacted car had been thrown off of the conveyer belt overhead and was right on a collision course with GIR's face.

"TASTY CANDY CAR!" said GIR maniacally, and he opened his mouth to the point where it was as wide as a garbage truck, and ate the compacted car in one bite.

Zim screamed a cry of success. "Excellent work, GIR! Remind me to feed you on the way home."

Tak, Kat, Rainbow Dash, and Hector played a game of go-fish while they waited for Lee to stop vomiting gray paste.

"Dash, got any queens?" said Hector.

"Yeah," Rainbow Dash replied, and she handed Hector a queen of spades.

"Tak, do you have any aces?"

"Go fish."

A distant scream could be heard from outside, it got exponentially louder until Zim and GIR (who had a taco in his mouth) shot through the window and crashed into the wall.

"Oh, hi, Zim, how's it hangi-BAAAAWWWW," Lee threw out a slightly smaller quantity of the gray paste than before, then he coughed, and the last of the gray paste popped out of his stomach. "Guh, I feel like every bone in my body was liquefied and replaced at hyper speed with one made out of metal."

There was an oven "DING" noise from Lee's stomach.

A feminine artificial intelligence voice coming from Lee's ocular implant said, "Life form reconstruction process successful."

"Coooool, is there any more of that?" said Rainbow Dash, picking up and looking inside of the container, then growling and tossing the canister at Lee's head. "You drank it all, you idiot!"

"Trust me, dear, the experience isn't what I would call... pleasureful," Lee muttered as he went to look for the mop to get rid of his melted bones.

"I know, but those things on your back look so cool!"

"P'shaw, they're probably just there for theatrics," Lee picked up the mop in the corner of the room, only for a tentacle on his back to snap the thing in half.

"Hey! That's brand new!" said Zim.

"Sorry," said Lee. "I didn't think that would actually happen."

The extra arms stretched into the puddle on the floor and vacuumed it into a chamber full of acid, leaving the floor spotless.

"...Or that," said Lee.

"Well, Lee, I must thank you for testing Irken NanoBot ProtoType 17," said Zim, he snatched the canister from the floor and read the back. "But you probably should read it a little more thoroughly next time, as it clearly states in Irken writing that nanobots replicate very quickly, and therefore a syringe full or an eyedropper full would result in a much less HORRIBLY PAINFUL reaction, yet at the same time a reaction just as FAST as the one you got from drinking the entire CANISTER!" Zim tossed the canister at the jamb of the door way.

Just then, Pinkie Pie poked her head in again, "Hey, do cupcakes and ice cream always scream in horror in this universe?" the tin canister made contact with the pony's face, and she enthusiastically said, "I guess that's a yes!"

"How did she make ice cream?" said Zim.

"I think there was that big box of experimental heat-proof snow and a giant chunk of crystal meth in the fridge that I brought with me," said Kat.

"You're a junkie, Kat," said Tak.

"Well, if I can't remember anything, I might as well fill my head with memories of my best friend Abraham Lincoln and his brother Luke Skywalker going on a five year adventure through time and space on a giant metal fedora," said Kat. "And you're one to talk, how's Mister Whiskey?"

"Delicious and friendly," said Tak, and with that, she took another swig from her bottle.

"Very well," said Kat.

GIR struggled to pull his metallic head out of the huge hole in the wall that it created.

"Oh, bloody hell," said Tak, and she yanked GIR out of the hole, accidentally throwing him across the table (breaking several bowls of soup) and into the wall.

"Thanks, lady!" said GIR, and he hopped out of his dog disguise.

"Don't mention it," Tak passed out.

"Hang on... Irkens don't even have livers! How can they get drunk?" said Hector.

"Alcohol increases happiness level in the squeedly-spooch, creating a maniacal effect similar to being drunk, except you're a lot happier," said Zim. "Eventually, you get so happy that you pass out, and frolic in a beautiful world of pure happiness inside your brain for a while."

"Lucky bastards," Hector muttered. "All I can use alcohol for is making Molotov cocktails."

"Eh?" said Zim.

"Nothing."

Meanwhile, Dib recovered from his visit to New York City Trash Chemical Land, and stumbled toward a nearby apartment building where he suspected Zim had escaped into earlier.

He began yelling at the building, "You wont get away with this, Zim! I'll make you pay! I'll personally vivisect you while your robot friend is dismantled right next to you! I'll have your zombie friend put to rest in the grave where he belongs! I'll- I'll- pass out right on this road."

Dib did as he claimed, and fell right asleep in the middle of the street which was miraculously vacant at the moment- possibly only for another fifteen seconds.

As a matter of fact, here comes a car now, except this was a different car, the car was black with tinted windows, and if this were something on television or in a theater and not a story, the head lights would theatrically block out the screen all mysterious-like.

-CHAPTER END-