Romance and the Fate of Equestria

So, a few days ago, I'm in a bit of an argument with my mother. Pretty standard stuff. And then she declares out of the blue, "If you're dating a girl and she finds out you write My Little Pony fanfiction, she's going to break up with you!"

Boy, that hurt. I assume it was just in the heat of the moment. I don't think it's true, anyway. You know how the old adage goes: in elementary school, everyone's all "POKÉMON!", then in high school they go, "What? You're still into that?" and then in college they're right back to going "POKÉMON!" Am I right? I always assumed my mom was too "in touch" to think things like that, but again, it's probably just something she said in the moment. Just thought I'd share that, because it's an amusing sort of anecdote.

Chapter Nine

The school play was on, and in the basement dressing rooms was a hustle and bustle of young foal activity.

"Featherweight?" Diamond Tiara snarled. "Featherweight, where the hay are you? You're ON, idiot! They're ad-libbing something about your character being late and they're ad-libbing it VERY, VERY BADLY. They same way they do everything in this play!"

Frightened, Featherweight skittered up the stairs and made his way to the stage.

Sweetie Belle peeked out of the dressing room she was sharing with Apple Bloom and Scootaloo, all of them a bit too frightened to come out and face Diamond Tiara.

"I hate to agree with Tiara, but this production has been a disaster," Sweetie Belle confided. "Backstage goofing off, nopony knowing their lines, it's so irresponsible and adolescent!"

"Too true," Scootaloo said.

"Well, Sweetie Belle, to be fair?" Apple Bloom said. "We, the cast and crew, we kind of are adolescents."

"That's a good point," Scootaloo admitted.

Apple Bloom raised an eyebrow at Scootaloo. "You don't know what we're talkin' about, do you?"

"If you guys would quit throwing around words I don't know…" Scootaloo grumbled.

"Got an issue with the production values, Belle?" Apple Bloom said.

"The sets and props are fine," Sweetie Belle said. "I'm not saying I could do any better, I probably couldn't. But I could get better stage performances out of my breakfast cereal!"

"Oh?"

"The crowd songs are the worst," Sweetie Belle continued. "It's like there's nopony onstage, sometimes! I know what they're thinking, they're thinking, 'The whole crowd is singing, no one will notice if I don't!' Problem is, every single pony onstage is thinking that!"

"Yup, the same every year, isn't it?" Apple Bloom said flippantly.

"And whose idea was it to cast Featherweight in the lead role? Even when you're standing right next to him, you can't hear a word he says. What made them think he could be heard by an audience?" Sweetie Belle peeked out the door, glaring in all directions. "And Diamond Tiara—rrgh!—she should stick to running the printing press, because she can't direct her way out of a paper bag!"

Sweetie Belle realized that Silver Spoon was watching her. "You heard me," Sweetie Belle said, slamming the dressing room door.

"Sweetie Belle," Apple Bloom said gently, "if this is such a big deal to you, put your money where your mouth is."

"Yeah," Scootaloo agreed. "Next season, ask Miss Cheerilee to put you in charge of the play."

Sweetie Belle flinched. "I… come on, you know I was just venting. I can't be the center of attention. I don't even like being looked at by the two of you."

Somepony pounded on the door. "Gravediggers, you're up!" Diamond Tiara barked. "Try not to suck as much as the previous scene!"

Apple Bloom and Scootaloo took up their shovels. "Later, Sweetie Belle," Apple Bloom said. "See you in the one scene that you're an extra in."

"So much potential, WASTED!" Scootaloo declared dramatically.

"Ooh, chew that scenery, Scoots!"

"Did somepony order a LARGE HAM?"

The two of them laughed as they made their way upstairs. Sweetie Belle walked out into the halls and started pacing. "Me, in charge," she pondered. "I do love the stage. I know the stage up and down. 'Starring and directed by Sweetie Belle'… I like that. I could do it. I should do it! The integrity of the school's theater program is in jeopardy!"

"Testify!" Spike said.

Sweetie Belle shrieked in surprise. "Spike? How long have you been standing there?"

Spike shrugged as he leaned casually against a wall. "You haven't been onstage this whole time, so I wanted to see if you were back here. I assume you're going to swoop in at the very end and save everypony?"

"I'm just a backgrounder, sorry," Sweetie Belle admitted. "But the next play… yeah. For the next play, I'm gonna see if I can do something bigger. I'm gonna be the biggest diva Ponyville's ever seen!"

"Sweet!" Spike said. "Let's celebrate your big decision!"

"Celebrate?" Sweetie Belle repeated, looking around. "But it's just the two of us here."

"Yes!" Spike said. "Exactly! Just the two of us! You… and me. Wanna make out?"

Sweetie Belle had to do a double-take. "Um… you know, Spike, I should really be preparing for my cue." She rushed off as fast as she could.

Spike slapped himself in the head. "Stupid! Don't ask her if she wants to, just jump in and start making out! That's what the cool guys in the books do!" He whipped out a book and thumbed through it. "Right, he just lunges in and… oh. Oh. Oh, wow. Nope, don't want to be that guy, that's not cool. Anyway!" He closed the book. "Contact was made. Score one for Spikey-wikey."