Romance and the Fate of Equestria

I know I'm late on this, but I've finally discovered the official map of Equestria. Which is awesome. Funny thing, though. For some reason, I had always been under the impression that the "Canterlot/Ponyville/Everfree Forest" area was to Equestria's far east, not at its dead center. I wonder why I thought that? Doesn't much matter. But still, the Everfree forest being contained entirely within Equestria's borders? That's just odd. You'd think it would be a lot less mysterious if you could enter it from any direction.

Also, I've made an important decision about terminology. Specifically, the name of the breed of pony that the princesses belong to. The official term, "pegasus unicorn", is rather unwieldy. The fan- and animator-preferred "alicorn", meanwhile, I find to be just plain inaccurate and uninformative. So I've been thinking about it, pondering words that would fit, and I've decided upon "immortal". A misnomer except in the case of Celestia and Luna, but a name that conveys the mysticism and rarity of the breed. I don't expect it to catch on or anything, but it's the word I'm going to use in this story. And anyway, weirder things have caught on in this fandom. You never know, right?

Chapter Ten

Twilight stood at a street corner in Canterlot, shuffling her stack of reports anxiously. Just when it seemed she'd been waiting for too long, Princess Celestia appeared and approached.

She was alone, and on hoof. Something about this struck Twilight as odd.

"Hello, Princess," Twilight said, bowing. "Where's your entourage?"

"You know as well as anyone that I don't really need an entourage," Celestia replied, smiling. "Sometimes I prefer to travel the city on my own… I only wish I was also able to go incognito. As it turns out, I'm far too distinctive even when I find a way to shrink myself down to a regular-sized pony… Come, let's walk together. How are the romance studies?"

"Progressing," Twilight replied, keeping pace with the princess. "But, Princess, I've been meaning to ask…" She pointed to an enormous and horrific gargoyle decorating the roof of a nearby shop. "That statue, is that the real Discord?"

Celestia sighed solemnly. "Yes, yes it is. I put him up for auction, sold him to the highest bidder, all proceeds to charity. Now, thanks to his new owners, his horrific visage can be seen from anywhere in a three-block radius. I'm beginning to think that wasn't one of the most brilliant ideas I've ever had." She chuckled darkly. "Of course, when it comes to Discord, I do tend to second-guess myself a lot."

Twilight tilted her head in confusion. "But Princess, why would you ever second-guess yourself?"

Celestia shrugged. "Just forget it… he's not pretty, but he can't do any harm. He's contained until the Elements of Harmony change hooves. With luck, Equestria will be safe from him for another four hundred years or so. We'll deal with it when the time comes."

"Yeah, that's…" Twilight said absently, then blinked in shock. "Did… did you say four hundred years?"

"Why, yes," Celestia said, surprised. "The bearers of the Elements are blessed with an extended lifespan… you didn't know that? Hmm."

"I'm going to live four hundred years?" Twilight marveled.

"More or less," Celestia said. "Luna and I, when we first faced Discord, we were past our four hundredth year of life, and by then we were very, very old."

Twilight frowned. "You two were old? But that's… that can't be right. I thought you were immortal."

"Well," Celestia mused, "we've always been 'immortals', if by immortals you mean the pony race that combines attributes of the pegasus, unicorn, and earth pony. But we only became immortals… as in those who never age or die… after we battled Discord."

Twilight's mind reeled as she tried to piece all of that together. "I… I don't understand."

Celestia grimaced as she looked back into the distant past. "Luna and I had possessed the Elements for four hundred years when we decided we should use them to topple Discord from his throne of chaos. Our magic was powerful, but we were elderly and decrepit. And as we approached Discord's stronghold, we heard his voice, coming from every direction at once… he said, 'Oh, now that's not going to be any fun at all'. Next thing I knew, we were young again. As you know, Discord plays games, and he wanted sport. Not good sport, but sport enough to keep him entertained. Now, you'll recall that when he challenged the six of you to his games, he—forgive me for saying so—completely mopped the floor with you. But with me, he would have no such luck. What he didn't know was that by restoring me to my physical and mental prime, I was nearly his strategic equal."

Princess Celestia gritted her teeth and glared harshly at the floor, a genuinely frightening sight. "I played his games. And when I did, I… I thrashed him! I brought him down to his knees!" Her eyes glinted gold with perverse delight, and for a moment, her voice was magically augmented so she almost seemed to be speaking in the voice of two ponies at once.

"Princess?" Twilight said meekly.

Celestia looked up at the sky wistfully. "It was only later, when he had been long defeated and we had been crowned Equestria's queens—titles we declined, of course, in favor of something at least a little more humble—that we discovered he had not only made us young again, but also made it so we would live, and continue growing in divine power, forever."

"But why would he do that?" Twilight asked.

"The same reason he does everything: to be obnoxious," Celestia said.

"I never knew that story," Twilight whispered.

"I don't share it, and you won't find the personal details of it in any book," Celestia said. "Promise me you'll keep it between us, dearest Twilight?"

"But I—I've never seen you like that, with the snarling, and the…" Twilight trailed off.

"Discord's games linger within all of us, Twilight Sparkle," Celestia said. "You know this. Now, may I have your word as my subject and as my friend that you will not share this story?"

"Yes," Twilight said hastily. "Of course… I would never betray you for anything, nor would anypony else."

"Thank you, Twilight," Celestia said. "Now, let me see your reports…" She levitated them away from Twilight and flipped through them. "Well, this seems to be in order…"

"But is it accurate?" Twilight said hopefully.

Celestia considered. "Honestly? I wouldn't know. Not my area of expertise. Why don't you enjoy some time in Canterlot while I look over your references?"

"Yes, Your Highness."

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

Twilight considered where she should continue tracking data from her various books. A few areas such as cafés and libraries called out to her, but in her heart she knew that these choices would be met with disapproval, considering what she was studying.

So she went with a tavern. And once she had scoped out a place within the tavern to sit, she spread out her books and began writing notes, comparing one to another.

As she scribbled, she began to feel as if someone was staring at her. She looked toward the bar. A tall and slender unicorn stallion was there, with a black coat and a spiked white mane, facing her directly.

His eyes were a blank, milky white. He was clearly blind, Twilight realized… obviously he wasn't actually staring at her. She shrugged and continued with her algorithm, everything that could link one book to another.

A few minutes later, a voice said, "Miss?"

Twilight looked up; a waitress levitating a tall glass filled with bubbling red liquid stood in front of her.

"Um… hi," Twilight said. "I don't think I ordered that…"

"A gift," the waitress said. "From the tall white-maned gentleman at the bar."

"I… are you sure?" Twilight said.

"He describes you quite accurately, miss," the waitress said, looking over a small slip of paper.

"But he can't…" Twilight began.

"Further," she said, looking at the paper again, "he would like me to say that your graduate thesis on elemental defensive magic inspired him to further his own education, that he enjoyed your unique interpretation of Clover the Clever in last year's Canterlot Hearth's Warming pageant, and that he can't get enough of the way you harness the world's most powerful magical items to defeat mighty foes who threaten Equestria. Hmm… those are pretty specific and rare credentials for one pony to have. Still gonna say it's not for you?"

"O… kay," Twilight muttered. "I guess it is for me… huh. All right then…" Twilight took the drink. "Tell him thank you."

"Tell him yourself," the server said. "He'd like you to join him at your earliest convenience."

"All right, then. Thanks again." Twilight slid her three bits for her trouble.

"It's what I do."

Twilight took a few minutes to muster up her courage, not looking at the tall black stallion. She picked up her drink with her magic and walked straight for him.

"Hi there," she said.

"Hello," he said softly. "Nice to see you here… they call me Snicker-Snack."

"Twilight Sparkle, but you knew that, apparently," she said, grinning.

"Mm-hmm… imagine my surprise, to see Twilight Sparkle in my hangout. You caught my eye. And I simply had to meet you."

"I thought you were blind," Twilight said apologetically.

He laughed. "I get that a lot. I used to have normal eyes, when I was a colt. Really nice ones, too… but apparently, the 'ghostly possession' look comes with the cutie mark."

Twilight looked at his flank. "Some kind of dagger?" she said.

"A knife, made of pure silver, with no hilt," he explained. "It represents the power to heal ailments of the mind."

"Really?" Twilight said, fascinated. "We talking psychiatry, or brain surgery?"

"Something in between," Snicker-Snack said. "It's rare… took me forever and ever to research spells I could actually cast."

"I've never heard of this skill," Twilight said. "Do you suppose you could teach it to me?"

He looked her over with interest. "Right, because… you cast all spells. True?"

"Yes."

"Epic!" Snicker-Snack said, licking his lips. "I'd be glad to discuss our individual capabilities over a couple more of these." He clinked his glass against Twilight's. "But not tonight."

"Huh?" Twilight said, surprised.

"I've really gotta go," he apologized. "I have business… but I had to catch your attention even if only for a second, had to meet you at least once…" He smirked and chuckled. "Plus… I wouldn't mind reading that graduate thesis of yours again, so it's fresh in my mind when we discuss it. I'll look you up. Ponyville, right?"

"Yeah," Twilight said. "Wow, you've done your research."

"Well, if I knew nothing about you, I couldn't very well be a fan of yours, now could I?" Snicker-Snack said. "I didn't expect I'd ever actually get to meet you, but here we are."

"Here we are indeed," Twilight mused. "It's nice to have fans, I guess! Where can I find you?"

"My card," he said, passing a business card to her. "Can't wait to pick that heroically analytical brain of yours. Now, I really, really…" He leaned his face in closer to hers; she could feel and smell his breath. "…really… need to go. See you later."

"But—but—" Twilight stammered. He was already gone.

"Well," Twilight marveled. "Never met anypony who was a fan of my graduate thesis! What a geek." She laughed to herself. "I suppose his thesis was about leaving a girl wanting more. Grr!" She walked back to her table, still laughing. She looked at her books. "Hmm. Well, hell, that was easy. I want to keep going over this stuff just in case…" She scratched her chin. "But by the sun and the moon, he was all over me! I've never been so turned on in my life… And he liked me for my own very real accomplishments. Yes sir, it's nice to have fans…" She closed the books and stacked them up. "Screw it, if I'm really throwing myself into this, it'll be on my own terms. I don't need this stuff, I've got it all covered…"

She swept all the books into a trash can and strutted away triumphantly.

A few seconds later, she quickly returned and retrieved the books. "Heh, library books, not mine," she explained sheepishly to a smirking onlooker.