Romance and the Fate of Equestria

Golf jokes!

On a more serious note, here's something you should know: This is the first chapter of this story that I ever, ever wrote. I first published the story in June of 2012, so I must have written this… the previous January? Maybe even December. Remarkable. I never imagined when I wrote it that it would be two years before I finally published it. Nor did I imagine I would ever write something with over 80 chapters. There was just so much story that had to come before this scene that I never could have anticipated.

Now, since I'm always asserting that I do not take cues from anything that happened after Season 2, I don't need to tell you that there was no influence from "Keep Calm and Flutter On" in the upcoming plotline, as most of it was written before then. However, there are a few things in this chapter I'd like to call your attention to that became a lot more interesting after that episode came out.

First, take a look at the first thing Fluttershy says to Discord. It almost looks like I'm spitting in that episode's face, doesn't it? But that's not the case at all. That's just what I thought Fluttershy's knee-jerk reaction would be to seeing him again, long before I ever imagined that he actually would return. Secondly, look at the letter Twilight sends to Princess Celestia. The resemblance to a joke in "Keep Calm" is uncanny, isn't it? But my version is funnier. Yeah, I said it.

Sometimes it bothers me the way every new episode changes something that I was going to use in my story, but really, finally having this chapter written and posted, I couldn't possibly be anything but overjoyed. Plus… considering how insanely backstoryriffic the Season 4 premiere was, my story is now deeeeeep in "alternate universe" territory. Which is actually pretty cool. Solves all my problems. I love it.

Chapter Eighty-One

The six ponies and Spike stood perfectly still, frozen in shock and fear. The silence went on for several seconds.

"Well?" Discord said impatiently. "Don't just sit there slack-jawed and buggy-eyed. Let's see some gratitude! Put me to work, tell me what I can do for you."

He stepped toward them, which jolted several of them into action, most backing away or cowering.

"I mean, just look at you," he said to Fluttershy, leaning down upon her. "You can't honestly tell me you don't have any problems." He reached out a talon to touch her face.

"Don't touch me," she whispered, stepping back.

Discord stood up straight, grinning smugly. "I don't need to touch you to get inside your head, my dear. My games have burrowed deep into your mind. Do you still have nightmares about me? Of course you do… You may have frozen me in stone and returned Equestria to its former monotony, but you didn't beat me without psychological scarring. So you see, I won. When I play the game, I always win. Just ask Celestia. Seriously, ask her sometime just how much I won when she 'defeated' me. I've been enjoying that victory for a thousand years."

Twilight glared and forced herself to speak in a commanding tone. "Why are you here, Discord?"

"Oh, I heard Sørmur dï Mitgaeard was on the loose again," Discord said casually, "so naturally I rushed right over to come protect you ladies."

"What are you talking about?" Twilight growled.

Discord held up his hands in surrender. "Okay, okay, real explanation. Princess Celestia has reason to believe that you and the Elements of Harmony are in danger from a certain flipper-headed chaos-hating neat freak. You can't protect yourselves from her, you couldn't possibly, so she released me and sent me here."

"Are we supposed to believe that?" Rainbow Dash demanded.

"I certainly hope so."

"Why would she trust you to do that?" said Twilight.

"Easy," said Discord. "Behold…" He turned his back to them, and they all gasped.

On his back, just below the spot where his horselike mane ended and his gray fur gave way to brown feathers, was the magenta star-shaped gem of the Element of Magic. Beneath it was the orange apple symbolizing Honesty, and beneath that, the red lightning bolt of Loyalty. All six of the Elements were, by all appearances, embedded into his body in a straight, vertical line.

"The Elements of Harmony," Discord said distastefully. "Drilled into my spinal column." He turned to glare at Twilight. "Handiwork of your brother. Drilled 'em right into me. With a drill!"

He shuddered. "They counteract the entropic forces of my own body. I can't do anything the slightest bit chaotic. No lying, no breaking up friendships, no fiddling around with the nature of reality. My power has been diminished to the extreme, down to practically nothing. I might as well be… Celestia, I suppose, for all the magic I have left in me. Pitiful." He looked down at the huge gash he'd left in the road. "Even that dramatic entrance was taxing. Taking you by surprise like that could be considered 'immoral', I suppose, whatever that word means."

"Really?" Rarity muttered, looking him over. "You're really, erm… all locked into the Elements, are you? Restrained, I suppose?"

"Yes…" he said furiously.

"You really can't lie?" Applejack said, fascinated.

"No, I can't," said Discord, shrugging. "It's not as if I ever made a huge habit out of lying, though. I preferred to use obfuscating half-truths. That, I can assure you, hasn't changed."

He looked at their blank expressions in confusion. "Did I say that out loud?" he realized. "Well, that'll be the influence of the Elements. It's what I get for going off on a tangent. The point is this: 'The rule that cannot be broken can surely be bent'. Star Swirl the Bearded said that. I'll do my job and protect you when Mitgaeard comes by, but I'm living by the letter of the Elements, not the spirit. I would recommend that you don't trust me."

"Yeah, we're way ahead of you on that one, Dis," Applejack said dryly. "What exactly are you gonna do here? You can't just guard us."

"Oh, my presence is also intended to be enriching and informative," Discord said flippantly. He pointed to Twilight with a wicked grin. "For her."

"What?" Twilight said in horror.

"Like Applejack said, there's not a whole lot of point in me just being a bodyguard and nothing else. Celestia sees it as a learning opportunity for you, her beloved student, for two reasons. First, you being you and all, you'll inevitably start trying to shape me into something more than what I am. Nice little meaningless project for you to try. Second, I am to remain at your side at all times, serving as your loyal and faithful conscience."

And with that, he shrank to a diminutive size and perched himself upon Twilight's shoulder, beaming at her with a horrendous mockery of a doting and loving expression.

Twilight stared at him disdainfully for a few seconds. "That's never going to happen," she finally said, reaching up with a hoof and flicking him off of her shoulder.

He was back to his full size before he touched the ground. "Ah, but it will," he said. "Celestia's orders."

"Since when do you care about Celestia's orders?" Twilight sneered.

"Since her magic compels me to follow them whether I want to or not," he replied promptly, with an even nastier sneer. "The fact that this particular order allows me to annoy you is a hefty bonus that motivates me to pursue its goal sincerely."

Twilight glared at him. "Spike, take a note," she said.

Spike fumbled with the golf gear still weighing him down, producing a quill and parchment as quickly as he could.

"Dear Princess Celestia," Twilight dictated. "Are you freaking kidding me? Your faithful student, Twilight Sparkle."

Spike finished that and rolled up the parchment, before looking at Twilight in concern. "You sure you wanna send that?"

"Does this look like something we have time to sleep on?" Twilight snarled.

Spike looked Discord over with apprehension. "No, I guess not," he muttered. He promptly breathed on the note, sending it flying off toward Canterlot.

"Good, take it up with her," said Discord. "I, after all, have been reduced to a mere servant. I'm not so different than anypony else in Equestria now. I am… a law-abiding citizen."

"Ugh, never say that again," Rainbow Dash said disgustedly.

"What, that I'm a law-abiding citizen?"

"You make it sound like a filthy, filthy lie," Rainbow scoffed, shuddering.

"Again, I can't lie," Discord said calmly. "And if you don't like it, well, tough crap, ponies. I'll be saying it a lot. Celestia ingrained it deep, deep into my psyche. It's like a mantra. I say it involuntarily every time my mind starts to wander toward returning to my old ways. Which is often."

A beverage materialized out of nowhere, and he grabbed it in the tuft on the tip of his tail and offered it to Rarity. "Chocolate milk of glass?" he said cordially.

Rarity blinked at the drink, then up at him with disdain. "That's a very old joke."

"I'm very old."

Spike belched out a note. All eyes turned to him, then to Twilight, as she snatched up the note and silently began to read it.

My beloved Twilight,

You have my apologies, my dear. I should have given you some advance warning about this. Please forgive me.

You are owed an explanation. As Discord may or may not have told you, we were wrong about Mitgaeard. She has changed. She is attacking the sources of goddesses' power, which in my and Luna's case means the Elements of Harmony, and more importantly, you. I found the perfect solution, if I do say so myself. By binding the Elements to Discord, he can protect the artifacts and their bearers. Believe me when I say this: No one knows more about Mitgaeard than Discord does, and no one is better equipped to possibly defeat her, even with most of his powers nullified as they are.

Know that I act only out of fear for your safety. I love you more than any being I've known in my 1400 years, and perhaps I am acting irrationally because of it, but under the present circumstances the only way I can feel you are safe is for Discord to remain at your side all hours of the day. If it's any consolation, I'm not asking you to like it. Merely to stay strong and endure it for a while.

He is as unpleasant as ever, yes, but there are other benefits. Perhaps he's neglected to mention that he is compelled to follow not only my orders, but yours as well? Have some fun with that. But don't be cruel to him. Don't sink to his level, lest he redouble his efforts to turn against you. He'll be an infinitely better protector if he comes to enjoy his imprisonment. The choice, of course, is yours.

Regards and affection, Princess Celestia

Twilight looked up from the note as she finished it, then over her shoulder to Discord, who was hovering in the air in a reclined position, tweaking Pinkie Pie's nose.

"You're rather glum, aren't you?" he said. "Might that be because you're a dead ringer for Equestria's new favorite serial killer?"

He returned to a standing position, and began pacing back and forth. "You know what I like about Bonny Blu? The laughter never stops for her. Unlike you, Pinkie Pie. What kind of spirit of laughter are you?"

Twilight looked away from Discord and glanced back at her note, a smug smile making its way to her face.

"Discord, stop talking," she said firmly without looking at him.

He immediately did so, producing only a series of raspy choking sounds.

Twilight turned toward him. "Celestia is looking out for you," she said. "She asked me to treat you well. But I think the nicest thing I can do for you right now is make you sweat a little. To that end… walk over here. Slowly."

He started walking toward her, glaring at her ferociously.

"Slower," said Twilight. "…Slower than that. …That's perfect. Keep on coming, just like that."

He gnashed his teeth as he continued walking at a painfully slow pace, but didn't say a word.

"Twilight, how are you doing that?" said Pinkie, impressed.

"Celestia is always hooking me up," said Twilight, craning her neck to look up into Discord's face as he approached. "Now that we've established who's in charge, I think we should try to enjoy this arrangement."

He growled deep in his throat.

"You won't get very far with that attitude," she said cheerfully. "Come on, we can make this work. Will you do as you said, stay at my side?"

He simply glared.

"Stay at my side," she clarified. "That's an order, buster."

She began walking toward Ponyville, and Discord walked alongside her, seething all the while.

"Come on, guys," she called over her shoulder to the others. "Are we going back to Ponyville or what?"

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

Endnotes

So there it is, the moment I've spent almost two years working for. Only now has the story truly begun. I think you'll notice a sharp decrease in my depressed and self-hating rants now. Maybe I was only depressed because this moment seemed out of reach… but now it's here. I feel like I could never be upset or disappointed with myself ever again. WOO-HOO!