Romance and the Fate of Equestria

Chapter Seven

Twilight set off on her date, feeling hopeful as she took her place in the outdoor café.

Two hours of his rambling later, she didn't feel quite as optimistic about her project.

"And like I was sayin', I'm pretty sure I'm sterile," he said. "'Cause, you know, mule."

"Uh-huh."

"And if I wasn't born that way, twenty years of working at the Ponyville Hydromagical Nuke-ular Power Plant hasn't helped…"

"Nuclear," Twilight corrected irritably.

The mule raised an eyebrow. "Oh, now you say somethin' meaningful."

"Half the population of Ponyville mispronounces it," Twilight said, shrugging. "'Nuke-ular'. I mean, how do you make that mistake? It drives me crazy."

"And that's what turns you off? Not that I've already said I'm sterile?"

Twilight shrugged. "Hey, I'm just trying to be open-minded about all of this."

"Open-minded? Well, hey, we've been here for a couple of hours now… If you're open-minded, what do you say we hop a train to Las Pegasus and push this bitch into Act Two?"

Twilight grimaced. "Eh. I'm not that open-minded." She looked around, trying to find something, anything, to get her out of there. Finding nothing, she said, "I think I should go."

"Will I see you again?" the mule said hopefully.

"Well, Ponyville's a small town and you have a tendency to turn up whenever somepony makes a mule joke, so probably," Twilight said cheerfully.

"That ain't what I meant…" the mule grumbled.

"I know, I'm just trying to avoid—"

A cruel and raspy laugh rang out just behind Twilight's head. "Romantic date with a mule, huh? You must be some special kind of dork."

"Do you mind?" the mule snapped at the source of the voice.

Twilight turned around, and got a face-full of white feathers on a haughty face.

"Gilda?" she said, surprised.

"Ah, so you've heard of me," Gilda said smugly.

Rainbow Dash darted over, pulling Gilda back. "Sorry, Twilight! Sorry… she's with me. Gilda," she said angrily, glaring at the griffon, "if you want me to listen to this pitch, insulting my friends is not the best way to open, dude."

"Okay, okay, jeez," Gilda muttered, shooting a brief "sorry" at Twilight before strutting over to another table.

"Hmm," Rainbow Dash said, surprised. "She actually apologized. This must be really important to her."

"That 'apology' made me wanna throw up," Twilight retorted.

"Still. The Gilda I know was never sorry for zip."

"What is going on, Rainbow?" Twilight demanded.

"Gilda has, apparently, invented something," Rainbow said. "She wants money to set up a business. I agreed to meet with her and hear her out, for old time's sake."

"That sounds… awfully suspicious," Twilight commented.

"Oh, I know. But don't worry about me; Big Daddy Rainbow didn't raise no suckers. Manglers of the Equestrian language, yes, but no suckers."

"Hey, Bangs," Gilda called. "You may want to listen to this too. I'm trying to round up as many investors as I can, and any friend of Dash's, well, it's worth a shot."

"You know, I would," Twilight lied delicately, "but I have a date to attend to."

The mule scowled at her. "What's my name?"

Twilight blinked. "Sure thing, Gilda. Be right there. Catch you later, um… uh, dude."

Rainbow and Twilight gathered around the table.

"Okay, here's the dealio," Gilda said, drumming her talons on the table. "I've got this creation, okay, which will make nonstop rocking possible for us if we start selling it."

"What is it?" Twilight asked.

"We'll get there," Gilda said simply. "What I want to know, Dash, is will you bite?"

"I'm here," Dash said simply. "Aren't I? I've already bitten. But why are you coming to me with this?"

"Hey, look, I know we parted on bad terms," Gilda said gently. "But, come on… we're blood sisters. Don't you remember?"

"Sure I do," Rainbow said. "We caught all kinds of diseases from each other."

"Yikes," Twilight commented.

"I'm saying—a self-respecting griff doesn't do that with any old food-creature. But you, you qualified for the honor."

"A… a 'food-creature'," Twilight grumbled. "Charming."

"That's what we call things with hooves, okay?" Gilda said, throwing up her talons defensively. "Anyway, Dash, I figured I owed it to you to help you get in on the 'next big thing' that I've got going on here. It's the least I could do."

"That, and I'm the only pony in this country you actually know," Rainbow said slyly.

"There's that. And I understand your bank account possesses moderate radicalness."

"Mm—yeah."

"So…" Gilda said, scribbling down a figure and passing it covertly to Rainbow Dash. "This is the amount that I have available to put into the biz. I want you to pitch in the same amount—you and me, equal partners. Is that doable?"

Rainbow Dash snuck a look at the piece of parchment. "I don't know, G. What are you selling?"

"You really wanna know?" Gilda said. "All right. Check this out."

Gilda plopped a saddlebag onto the table and pulled out a tangle of golden thread.

"I call it… Golden Thread," she said dramatically, dropping it onto the table.

"…Really?" Twilight said, unimpressed.

Gilda separated one of the threads, and began slipping it between her fingers. "I wrap little bits around my talons, and it makes me faster… stronger, too."

The one hand went through a series of implausibly quick and nimble contortions.

"Whoa," Rainbow Dash said, surprised.

Gilda snapped out the thread to full length once again. "Wear some as horseshoes, you'll be quick as the wind and silent as death, baby. Dash, line 'em up with your wing feathers, not only will you fly faster than you ever thought you could in your life, but you're never breaking a wing again."

"Mm-hmm," Twilight said suspiciously.

"Oh, there's something in it for your type too," Gilda said, eyeing Twilight. "Wrap it around your corn—"

"Horn," Twilight said, offended.

"Totally," Gilda said, wrapping the piece of thread around the base of Twilight's horn. "Anyway, you wear it like so, I've been able to prove that all the magic you use will be amped up. But you gotta pay for it first," she added hastily, tugging the thread away. "Me, personally? I wear a huge, thick rope of the stuff, harnessed to my spine." She stood on her hind legs and turned around, revealing the wrapping around her midsection that kept the braid of thread going down her back. "I'm damn near indestructible," she whispered.

"No kidding?" Rainbow said, almost as quietly.

"You… you invented this?" Twilight challenged.

"Naturally," Gilda said promptly.

"And you can produce more of it at low cost?"

"Dude, don't even worry about it. I've got it covered."

Twilight glared suspiciously.

"Our first objective, if and when we start making sales," Gilda went on, "is to get it banned at sporting events. That right there, that's publicity. And any publicity is good publicity. After that, our sales will go up and then, THEN, the military will ask us for a huge shipment. After that, baby, us and all our stockholders will be livin' large."

"I'm in," Twilight said.

"And that's not even mentioning how you can customize it," Gilda rambled on. "You can repurpose it to help you see in the dark, or keep you warm, or… wait, seriously?"

"Yeah, you've sold me," Twilight said. "It's a good product, and I'd like to invest. How much do you want me to throw in?"

"Um… I don't know," Gilda admitted. "I don't really get stocks and bonds or whatever the hay you call 'em. How about we discuss it later? Whip out a few official contracts, probably make our negotiations on armchairs in front of a roaring fire, with some cigars and scotch. 'Cause we're entrepreneurs now, and that's the entrepreneur toolkit."

Gilda packed up the thread and rubbed her talons together. "I'm gonna hit up Ponyville, nab us a good piece of property. Dash, don't wuss out on me. The geek's in, can I count on you being in too?"

"Sure, G, you bet," Rainbow said. "I'm for it."

Gilda winked and flew away.

"You really gonna do this, Twilight?" Rainbow said curiously.

"I know a good investment when I see one," Twilight said. "Plus, I'd like to keep an eye on her… Her and the product. It's some powerful stuff, it could be… dangerous."

"So we're staying close to the source," Rainbow said thoughtfully. "I like it!"

"I like it too," Twilight said. "I for one hope it all turns out to be legitimate."