Romance and the Fate of Equestria

Chapter Sixty-Four

Within the golden walls of the High Merchant's palace, in an oval-shaped banquet hall, hundreds of ponies, all influential figures from either Equestria or the Bazaar who had either money or connections, gathered at the room's four long, white tables.

"Ooh, Rarity!" Pinkie said, squeezing past six identical brown llamas, who turned to glare at her in unison. "Rarity, I need to talk to you."

Rarity beamed at her. "So talk, darling."

Pinkie removed the lopsided hat that she typically wore at formal events and held it to her heart. Rarity raised an eyebrow at the uncharacteristically elegant gesture.

"Fancypants talked to me earlier today," Pinkie explained. "He told me he was going to the banquet, and asked if I was going too. I told him yes, and then he asked me if I would come as… his special guest."

Rarity's eyes widened. "Fancypants wants you to attend this banquet with him? That… that sounds like a date. Or whatever the equivalent to a 'date' is for a deranged millionaire who lives in a bubble of handsomeness… and I mean that in the nicest way possible. What did you tell him?"

"I told him I had to think about it," Pinkie said. "And by that, I meant I had to talk to you about it."

"Me?" Rarity demanded. "Whatever for?"

"Well, he's your friend," Pinkie said. "I don't want to steal one of your friends. Then I'd lose you."

"Oh, Pinkie Pie," Rarity said affectionately. "That's incredibly considerate of you. Yes, he's my friend, but that's all we are: friends. You're quite free to date him if you wish. He's a very nice fellow."

Pinkie popped her hat back on. "Thanks, Rarity," she said. "I thought maybe you wanted to date him… no, huh?"

"No, not at all," Rarity said, shaking her head.

"Thanks for understanding!" Pinkie said, grinning manically. "I like him a lot, Rarity. I've never had a crush before. When will my ears stop feeling like there's steam coming out of them?"

"Hard to say," Rarity said seriously. "Perhaps never."

"Hmm, that's rough," Pinkie said, blowing a lock of hair out of her eyes. "So, I'm on a date now?"

"I believe so."

"Great," Pinkie said. "So, I'll let him know… then what do I do?"

"The same thing you'd normally do at a banquet, Pinkie Pie," Rarity said. "You know what the great part is? Most ponies wouldn't follow the 'be yourself' advice. But you? I don't think you know how to be anything else."

"You're right, I don't," Pinkie admitted. "I've been told I'm an acquired taste."

"Yes, well, he's acquired you," Rarity said. "What are you standing around talking to me for? Go and be his 'special guest' already."

"OKAY!" Pinkie darted away.

"Pinkie Pie and Fancypants," Rarity muttered. "I did not see that coming…"

Twilight and Joe entered the banquet. Twilight took in the sight of the banquet hall, then caught a glimpse of a sliver of gold that didn't glimmer like the rest of the palace. It quickly disappeared behind a pillar.

"I know that tail," she whispered to herself. "I've had the details of that tail memorized since I was ten years old…"

"Hm?" Joe asked.

"Um… oh, nothing."

Twilight snapped back to attention as Rarity swooped in on them. "Ah, hello, Twilight! And Joe… ah, I was right about you. You do look smashing in a tux."

"Aw, thanks, Rarity," Joe said.

"It's good to see you," Rarity said. "It's odd, we've crossed paths with you twice before but Twilight never mentioned you were childhood friends… of course, she wasn't much interested in friends as a filly. Plus, we'd known Twilight for two years before any of us even knew she had a brother, so I guess it's not surprising that a few other things slipped through the cracks…"

"Yeah, I gotta talk to you guys more," Twilight said, smiling. She frowned thoughtfully. "Wait… speaking of the day you found out I had a brother… I just realized, that was five months ago. The royal wedding was only five months ago. Doesn't that seem impossible? A lot's changed since then…"

"Yes, it's dragged on quite a bit," Rarity agreed glumly. "But don't let me bring you down. I'm glad you made it, Joe. I hope the two of you enjoy more… aerobic activity… in the coming week." She giggled and walked back to her seat.

"Aerobic activity?" Joe said blankly. "You told her I said that? Twilight, have you been gossiping about me with your friends?"

"Hey, I'm a chick, it's all I got."

Joe barked out a laugh. "Oh yeah? Which of your friends put those words in your mouth?"

"A combination of them," Twilight said sheepishly. "They're quite the influence on me, every one of them. Oh look, it's my parents."

"Where?" Joe demanded, looking around wildly.

"Right in front of you."

"Oh," Joe said brightly, spotting the two of them approaching. Twilight closed the distance and hugged her father tightly.

"Hi, Dad," she said.

"Hey, sweetheart," Night Light softly.

"Mom," Twilight added, nodding to her.

"Oh, Twilight," Twilight Velvet said, pouting. "How are you? Your last letter was stained with tears… when I think of that sick crook putting his hooves on you, and how none of us ever suspected his treachery, it just sends chills up and down my spine." She burst into tears, pulling her daughter away from Night Light.

"Whoa!" Twilight exclaimed. "Mom, are you drunk already?"

"Don't be silly," Twilight Velvet said evasively. "I just had two glasses."

"I don't think you have the constitution for two glasses," Twilight said. "Last time I had more than two glasses, I started hitting on Cadance. I blame your genes."

"Whoa, I'd have liked to see that," Joe commented under his breath.

"Joe?" Night Light said, looking around Twilight. "Little Donut Joe, is that you?"

"Hey there, Mr. Light," Joe said, stepping forward. "Mrs. Twilight…"

"Wow, it's been years," Night Light remarked. "You're a fully-grown stallion now."

"And as always, you two haven't aged a day," Joe replied, bowing his head to them.

"Aw, you're sweet," Twilight Velvet said, blushing. She glanced between Joe and her daughter. "Did you two come here together? Are you…"

Cadance passed by on the other side of the table, behind the backs of Twilight's parents. She stopped in her tracks and inspected Twilight and Joe, raising one eyebrow.

"We're just friends, Mom," Twilight said hastily. Cadance's eyebrow rose further.

"Yeah, just really good friends," Joe agreed.

"Will you knock it off with the eyebrows?" Twilight called to Cadance. "You're freaking me out. Excuse me a minute, you guys…"

She teleported across the table to Cadance's side. "Hey there, big sister," she said.

"Hellooooo, Twilight," Cadance said, smirking. "I was going to ask you how you were holding up after your heartbreak, but apparently you've recovered beautifully."

"Why would you have to ask me?" Twilight said. "If you wanted to know my emotional state, you could have just looked at me and read it magically. You know, like you just did."

"Don't be a smartass, Twilight."

Twilight grinned.

"So… friends with benefits, huh?" Cadance said, smiling.

"Ooh, you're good," said Twilight. "Yeah, I… I know it's not exactly what you'd expect from a pony like me."

"Au contraire," Cadance said, "from the moment I got my first foalsitting gig with you, I said to myself, yeah, this one's gonna grow up to be the 'friends with benefits' type."

They giggled together. Cadance pulled Twilight close. "In all seriousness, Twilie… whatever makes you happy, go for it. I'm proud of your courage in the face of heartbreak."

"Thank you, Cadance," Twilight said. "Joe and I… I'm trying to keep my feelings for him under control, because he's staying at the Bazaar. When he comes back, then we'll be a real couple."

"I see," Cadance said, fascinated. "And until then…"

"Strictly pen-pals," Twilight said simply. "But pen-pals who are romantically exclusive."

Joe had walked around the table and came up next to Twilight again. "So, Twi, where are we sitting?"

"Joe?" Cadance said.

"Y-yes, your highness?" Joe said nervously.

"Don't forget about my sister," Cadance said simply. "No matter how far away your journey takes you and what temptations may arrive, don't forget about her. Not even for a moment."

"Not even for a moment," Joe agreed. "I won't, your highness. I promise."

Cadance leaned in to whisper to Twilight. "He wants more than you're giving him," she breathed. "And I think he deserves it."

"I know," Twilight whispered back. "But I'm… you understand." She put a hoof to her heart.

Cadance nodded. "I gotcha. Enjoy the banquet, guys."

The loud chatter in the banquet hall died down as Princess Celestia stood up and raised her glass.

"Good evening, everypony," she said. "I'd like to thank Greensleeves the Magnificent for upholding this long-standing tradition of allowing me to dine with the High Merchant."

At the exact opposite end of the hall from Celestia, an androgynous, tan-furred and brown-maned unicorn colt nodded to her and raised his own glass with shaky brown magic.

"May your time in office be long and prosperous," Celestia continued. "I see you have a team: keep them close."

Greensleeves smiled to his companions: a yellow-eyed horse covered in pale green scales instead of fur; a tall, golden pegasus mare draped in a glittering gold cloak that concealed her face; and a young, iridescent blue dragon with an absurdly long neck. They looked back to him with genuine affection.

"Thank you once again, to all of our friends joining us here," Celestia finished. "That's all I wished to say. Do enjoy the banquet."

She sat back down. There was a scattering of polite applause.

Twilight sat down and began to gather food onto her plate, when a strong hoof touched her shoulder. She turned her head, coming face-to-face with her unusually grim-faced brother.

"Twilie, can we talk?" he whispered.

"Um, of course, Shining Armor. What's up?"

"Over here," Shining Armor said, walking toward the great golden pillars that lined the hall. Twilight followed him until he stood between two pillars and turned toward her. She looked around; a few of the banquet's attendees were watching them, but none were close enough to hear.

"What's going on, big bro?" Twilight said nervously.

"I recently spoke to your friend Venni," Shining Armor whispered.

"Oh?" Twilight said. She glanced at the pillar where she had seen the familiar fluffy gold tail disappear, but there was no sign of Venni there now. "And what did you learn?"

"A number of things," Shining Armor said bitterly. "First and foremost, she asked me to give you a message, so I'll open with that. She's found a significant lead that Vorpal Blade and his comrades have been hiding out in griffon country for some time now. She's going there herself to track them down."

"Oh," Twilight said blankly. "I suppose that's good news. But… why did she tell you? Why didn't she come to me?"

"I don't know, because she's crazy?" Shining Armor said through gritted teeth.

"Oh boy," Twilight muttered, looking around. "Maybe you'd better start this story at the beginning, big brother."

"She broke into the castle, Twilight," Shining Armor said, clearly disturbed. "She lurked around in our personal chambers, waited until Cadance went out for a glass of water… and then when I was alone, she popped out of nowhere, blew out the light, gagged me with her hoof and put a lead cap over my horn, all in less than a second. I've never been defeated so abruptly. It was a… troubling way to start a conversation."

"Oh, Venni…" Twilight sighed.

"She tasked me with giving you a message, and I gave it," Shining Armor said. "Now let's talk about this friend of yours."

"I'm sorry, I don't know why she felt the need to get word to me like that," Twilight said. "If that's all she did, well, what can I say? She's a bit of an eccentric."

Shining Armor raised an eyebrow. "'Eccentric' is a good place to start describing her, I guess," he muttered. "I don't suppose you know why she asked me to give you these?" From the inside of his coat, he produced three record albums.

"These… are copies of the complete discography of Loli Pop," Twilight said, taking the albums from him. "She… she knows I used to be a fan."

"Okaaaay, but why'd she sign them?" Shining Armor demanded, pointing out the signature on each album cover. Love you, Twilight, said one. Never change, friend, said another. Knock 'em dead, sister, said the third. All three were signed Venni in elaborate cursive.

"Isn't it obvious?" said Twilight. "Venni used to be Loli Pop. Can't you tell?" She displayed one of the album covers, each of which had a picture of the beaming, curly-haired filly, with her distinct, uniformly-gold coloration.

"Was she? …It was very dark. I couldn't see her very well. Hmph." Shining Armor stared disdainfully at the cover. "Yet another foal celebrity who took a dark path and went crazy, huh?"

"It's just as well you didn't notice," Twilight said thoughtfully. "If you'd brought it up, you'd have come to this banquet with all your beauty gone."

He raised an eyebrow at her again.

"You know, between you and Cadance, your kids' eyebrows are gonna be, like, disembodied."

"Whatever. 'All my beauty gone'. Explain that."

"It's, um, an inside joke," Twilight said. "When I first realized that she used to be Loli, she held a knife to my skull and threatened to, and I quote, 'cut off my face' if I mentioned the name again." She grinned nervously.

Shining Armor's jaw dropped. "Twilie, that is… terrifying! This pony belongs in an insane asylum with her hooves shackled to the wall!"

"She 'belongs' exactly where she is," Twilight said firmly. "Out there, hunting the bad guys. Nopony wants to catch them as much as she does. That's why she'll succeed."

"Oh come on, you can't really believe that!" Shining Armor retorted. "Look, I've seen the magic of friendship and love do great things, and in a perfect world, that kind of passion would guarantee victory. But this isn't a true friend or lover armed with real magic. This is a very deranged and disturbed individual out for blood. She's a danger to herself and others. Do you deny that?"

"No, but you can't be so insensitive," Twilight said, glancing around frantically. "Are you going to make it a priority to bring her into custody when she's our best chance at catching the pony who robbed our kingdom and broke my heart?"

"Well, I suppose not, but…" Shining Armor began. He stopped talking to stare in confusion at Twilight. "Why are you looking everywhere like that? Wait a minute…" He pointed an accusatory hoof at her. "You think she's here. That's why you won't say a word against her. You think she's listening in on us!"

"I know for a fact that she's in this room, because I saw her," Twilight stated. "And I hope she's listening to all of this. I hope she believes me, because I mean every word I'm saying."

"Twilie, listen…" Shining Armor began.

"No, you listen," Twilight said. "You want to know what I think of Venni? Here's the absolute truth: she petrifies me. I'm scared to death of her. Every second I ever spent in her presence, I spent worrying that I was going to say the wrong thing and I'd find myself with a knife buried in me. But you know what? None of that matters. Because one of the last things she said to me was that I was her best friend. And I take my responsibilities as a best friend very seriously."

Shining Armor stared at Twilight with interest. "Are you sure about this, little sis?"

"Yes," Twilight said. "I'll protect my friend. Even from you, brother. I want to see her in a place where she can no longer harm herself, where she can be healed and rehabilitated… but I don't think that can happen until after she gets her vengeance. That's what 'Venni' is short for, you know. It's the only way she'll be at peace and be ready to heal."

"Vengeance," Shining Armor muttered. "If that's what she's after, she'll never be at peace at all. She's just digging her own grave."

"I know," Twilight said. "But I trust her to make the right decisions. Don't you trust me, Shining Armor?"

He sighed. "I do. I trust your instincts and your judgment. Failing to do that almost destroyed my wedding and probably all of Equestria with it. But… I almost hate to point out that you're not always right. It wasn't too long ago that you thought you'd found true love. That pony turned out to be Vorpal Blade."

Twilight released a sob, and her voice cracked. "Believe me, I know. But I'm not wrong about Venni. She has a good heart. She'll be the one to turn in those villains, and herself as well if that's what you want. I just know it."

Shining Armor blinked slowly. "Okay," he finally said. "Take care of yourself, Twilie. And… don't lose faith in your intuition. Because it's usually spot-on."

Twilight nodded, still choking back tears from his previous statement. As she watched Shining Armor return to his place, she saw a small golden blur on the other side of the banquet hall slip from one pillar to another before hurling itself bodily out of a window.

"Hey, Venni," Twilight muttered to herself. "I really do hope you heard all that. I wish I knew why you don't want to talk to me…"

Rainbow Dash leaned against a pillar, downing a plate of hors d'oeuvres. Applejack approached her, stumbling over her dress in her haste.

"Hey, RD," she said casually. "Got a bone to pick with y'all."

"Shoot," Rainbow said, wiping her mouth. "What'd I do this time?"

"Well, ya keep blowin' me off!" Applejack snapped. "It's been a week, and I'd like a straight answer. When do we start trawlin' the Bazaar for dates?"

Rainbow sighed. "Just say the word, AJ."

"I've said the word!" Applejack exclaimed. "I've been sayin' the word all week! When do we do it?"

Rainbow stared blankly, until comprehension suddenly dawned on her face. "Ohhhh," she said.

"What?" Applejack demanded.

"Aw, man, AJ, I'm… I'm so sorry," Rainbow said. "I had no idea this whole time that you actually meant it. All week I've been thinking, the joke's run its course, hasn't it? Knock it off. But… but you weren't joking. You actually want me to help you meet guys. I am so, so sorry…"

Applejack scowled. "You thought I was kiddin'?"

"You couldn't have gone without me?" Rainbow countered.

"I don't know how to meet guys!"

"And I do?"

"Yes," Applejack said bluntly.

Rainbow sighed. "Okay, yes I do… you did say your goal was to 'get some'. I'm definitely familiar with that. As long as you're not looking for anything serious, sure, that's my area of expertise. Let's go out tomorrow night."

"Yeah… I was lookin' for somethin' casual, a hard and fast type… thing," Applejack said thoughtfully. "You know, it's just as well that you thought I was kiddin'. Gave me time to think. I was bein' pretty unsentimental. I think my first should be somethin' more meaningful than some hot stallion I meet at the Bazaar. So thanks… but now that I think about it, I guess I'll pass." She started walking off.

Rainbow shrugged. "Suit yourself." She turned her attention back to her food, then did a double-take at Applejack. "Wait, wait, back up. Did you say your first?"

Applejack stopped in her tracks. "Yes," she said softly.

Dropping her plate, Rainbow rushed past Applejack and blocked her path, staring at her in shock. "Applejack, are you a virgin?"

"Of course I am," Applejack said condescendingly. "What the hell else would I be? You know I've never had any spare time in my life. And when I do get spare time, I spend it with you for some weird reason."

"Wow," Rainbow breathed.

"What do you mean, 'wow'?" Applejack sneered. "I'd like to think a lot of mares my age are still virgins."

"Yeah, you'd like to think that, wouldn't you?" Rainbow said, amused. "Freak…"

"Don't make me channel my sexual frustration into kickin' your ass," Applejack said pleasantly.

"Your sexual frustration? At least I know what I'm missing."

Applejack nodded. "That's a good point. But we're still in this together, all right? When we get back to Ponyville, help me spread the word that I'm… lookin' around. That we both are. We're lonely, our clocks are tickin', we're tired of bein' single. Am I right?"

"I never said that," Rainbow objected.

"Ya make it pretty obvious," Applejack said, smiling at her apologetically. "I'm gonna go mingle. Thanks for bein' oblivious. It was a life-saver." She walked off again.

"Oh, can it," Rainbow mumbled.

"Pardon me," said a voice.

Rainbow craned her neck up at Fancypants. "Oh… hey there, uh… Fancypants?"

"Yes, that's right," Fancypants said. "You are Rainbow Dash, correct?"

"Yep! How'd you know?"

"Rarity has mentioned you," Fancypants said. "Though am I correct in assuming that you're not the trainer of the Wonderbolts?"

He smirked at Rarity, who was also approaching, but stopped and blushed at the mention of her old lies.

"Heh heh, no, I'm just a big fan," Rainbow said. "Though let me tell you… whenever it happens that I finally make it into that group, I'll be trainin' 'em inside of a year."

"Ha! I look forward to that," Fancypants said. "But I wanted to ask: who does your mane?"

"My bed," Rainbow said promptly.

Fancypants chuckled. "I meant, where do you get it colored?"

Rainbow smiled at him nastily. "Are you implying that this isn't my natural hair color?"

"You can't expect me to believe you naturally have a six-colored mane, can you?" Fancypants said softly. "And in all the colors of the rainbow, no less. That just doesn't happen."

"Yeah it does," Rainbow insisted. "I was born with this exact coloration. It runs in the family."

"Dye runs in the family?"

Rainbow growled, and Fancypants laughed. "I apologize, I'm sure you've run through this conversation many times."

"Yeah, it's a grand tradition of getting a whole lot of grief," Rainbow agreed. "My dad went through it, and my dad's dad, and probably my kids. I hope my kids get it. It's an awesome look."

"Your father," Fancypants said thoughtfully. "A rugged sort of fellow in a homemade black cloak, makes everypony call him 'Big Daddy'?"

"Yeah, that's him," Rainbow said, surprised. "How'd you know?"

"He's doing the weather for a lovely Hearth's Warming ball I'm putting on this year," Fancypants said. "I heard he was the best of the best for engineering a good snowfall. He also insisted that his mane color was natural; I approached you to see if I could get confirmation, but I'm still not sure I believe either one of you."

"Well, I guess you'll be forced to live in eternal uncertainty," Rainbow said brightly.

"Do pardon me, Rainbow Dash," said Rarity, cutting in. "Fancypants, might I have a word?"

"Ah," Fancypants said. "Might this be about the special invitation I extended toward Pinkie Pie?"

Rainbow whistled. "Uh-oh…"

"It might be," Rarity said. "Rainbow Dash…"

"Hey, I was here first."

"Fine then…" Rarity pulled Fancypants along to a more empty stretch of wall. "I wanted to say—"

"I believe I owe you an apology," Fancypants said promptly.

"What?" she said, alarmed.

"There has always been something between you and I, Rarity," he said wistfully. "I tried to let go of it after you stopped responding to my letters, but I should have taken our old spark into account before I went on ahead and… well, I'm sorry."

Rarity was stunned. "Well, I… I don't…" she stammered. She shook her head and sighed. "Yes. Since you mention it… she mustn't know that I said this, but it caused a bit of pain for me to spend a week watching as your affections shifted to Pinkie Pie. I found it… almost offensive. But I'm a big pony, Fancypants. I can deal with it. That's not what I wanted to talk to you about."

"No?" he said, interested. "Go on, then."

"Pinkie Pie is not one of your usual pieces of 'arm candy'," Rarity said sternly. "She's special, and she's taken quite a shine to you."

"I've taken a shine to her," Fancypants said simply. "I understand where you're going with this, but I'm more than aware of how special she is."

"Well, good," said Rarity. "Because she has very strong feelings for you."

"Does she? I'm glad to hear it."

"Yes," she said. "I think she's especially fond of you because you're one of very few ponies she's met recently who hasn't compared her to Bonny Blu."

"Who?"

"Bonny Blu," Rarity repeated. "From Cupcakes?"

Fancypants tilted his head.

"Really? Nothing? You really are 'fancy-pants'," Rarity said, amused. "Very well: Bonny Blu is the main character of the Bonny Blu novels by Sprinkles York, a series that's been on-and-off for some thirty years. Now, the first novel in the series, Cupcakes, has recently been made into film and entered the public consciousness…"

"And Pinkie doesn't like being compared to the heroine?" Fancypants said, frowning.

"Bonny Blu is a serial killer who constantly maintains the mannerisms of an innocent filly at play. The overall effect is highly disturbing."

"Ah, I understand."

"Yes… I would ask, for Pinkie's sake, that you don't familiarize yourself with the series," Rarity suggested. "It would only upset her. And besides which, it's… the lowest of low art. If you have time for new reading material, I would instead recommend the stick-figure comics she mentioned. Once you get past the slew of obscure gaming references, the characterization really does capture your heart. High art."

"Very well," Fancypants said uncertainly. "I… I fear…" He sighed, looking unusually solemn. "Don't get me wrong, I like Pinkie very much. I'd like to be what she's looking for. But I fear I might not be. Do you think I'm her type?"

"Hmm," Rarity commented. "Hard to say. In the past, my friends and I have debated at length what Pinkie's 'type' might be. We speculated on her romantic past, whether she had no experience at all or perhaps too much. We wondered where her romantic interests might lie: mares, stallions, reptiles, entire football teams, flutes she found at band camp… or nothing. I think most of us would have bet that she was asexual. However… a few minutes ago, she called you her first crush. That seems rather indicative, don't you think?"

"Yes… and encouraging," Fancypants said, brightening. "But Rarity… are you quite sure you're all right?"

"Oh, yes," she said. "In fact, I'm better than ever."

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Endnotes

You know, when chapter 58 ended up being longer than 4,000 words, I thought it was a singular event for a very special chapter. But then 62 was even longer, and this one, longer than that by an insane margin. I don't want to jinx it, but it's starting to look like it'll be a regular thing.