Romance and the Fate of Equestria

I realized recently that, since I'm a big stupid ugly American, I've been assuming that Equestria is the size of the United States. That's pretty big. Most countries aren't that big. So that probably wasn't the best assumption to make. Then I started to wonder how big their planet was—who says it had to be Earth-sized?

I decided I liked the feel of an Earth-sized planet but Equestria being half the size of the States. And I began to wonder if the Bazaar's stated average rate of travel—takes five years to travel the entire world, of which around a month is spent in Equestria—was consistent with such a thing. Then I decided that I'm not smart enough to figure it out. Like the aforementioned economics thing, I don't care because the Bazaar is just that awesome. But don't take my word for it, let me take you there. We'll be there for the next fifteen or so chapters, so strap in!

Chapter Fifty-Four

Twilight consulted her map, compass, and sextant, glancing at the stars and the horizon.

"We're here, girls," she said. "This is our campsite."

She scratched an X into the dirt with a stick, as the other five gathered around. Hundreds of other campsites were set up around the frosty green fields west of Canterlot. Many miles away, the neon lights of the Bazaar flashed and spun.

"Lot of campsites around here," Applejack commented, setting up a tent.

"Yep, but this is the best one," Twilight said. "This is the best place for us to get our tickets onto the Bazaar right when it makes its midnight jump. I worked it out. If we're not first in line, don't blame my math, it's the Bazaar's fault for being so damn unpredictable."

"The numbers—don't—lie!" Pinkie said gravely.

"You're darn right," Twilight agreed. "Okay, let's get camping!"

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

"Can't wait to get on board that Bazaar," Applejack said, pumping her legs in excitement. "Gonna try me some bona fide ethnic food. You can fake it well enough in Equestria, but never get the real thing. The Bazaar, it's like bein' in everypony's own home kitchen. That's gonna be some good eatin'. If only I could try everything…"

"Why can't you?" Pinkie asked. "Two weeks to try every dish in every restaurant in the entire Bazaar? We could pull that off, easy-peasy-lemon-squeezy."

"I for one am hoping to learn the secret of just how the ponies at the Bazaar… accessorize," Rarity said dreamily.

"There's a secret?" Applejack said blankly.

"Oh, yes," Rarity said. "And I don't mean that they use accessories. They accessorize by altering their actual physical attributes. Tattoos and piercings? Those are child's play. Ponies at the Bazaar—and non-ponies there too, I suppose—you'll often find that they've made extreme magical modifications to themselves. And they can get it done or undone in minutes. Perhaps, being a rather high-magic fashionista myself, I can figure out how it's done."

"What kind of modifications?" Rainbow asked, intrigued.

"The most popular is a procedure that makes one's eyes change color with one's mood," Rarity said. "But it's considered the least imaginative of the many options up there, a rather tired old fashion cliché… I'm sure that the first pony we see will have something far more creative. I'll point it out when we see it."

"And we'll be seeing it any minute now," Twilight said, checking the position of the stars and moon. "We've got midnight in thirty seconds, and the entrance is gonna be right above our heads."

Thirty seconds later, in a flash of light, the Bazaar shifted—to a position about a mile north from their campsite.

"Damn," Twilight muttered.

"Teleport us to the front of the line, do it now," Rainbow whispered.

"I will not," Twilight said, magically packing up their tents. "We're gonna wait in line just like everypony else. Let's go."

At a jog, they started toward the Bazaar. At regular intervals on the edges of the floating city, green beams of light shot out from the bottom of the landmass to the ground. From each one, a colorful individual materialized and began taking the money that the nearest camped-out ponies were offering up.

By the time the six friends got there, numerous lines were extending from those spots of light, and they quietly took their place at the back of one line, gazing up at the smoothly-polished stone underside of the city, as well as the tiny black dots that could now be seen flying away from the Bazaar and, occasionally, back onto it.

"Are those crows?" Rainbow asked, squinting at them.

"Ravens," Twilight said.

Rainbow rolled her eyes. "Thank you so much for the clarification."

Twilight laughed. "They're called shadowravens. They carry all the mail around the Bazaar, and not just within. If someone at the Bazaar wants to write to someone outside of it, they just take it to the shadowravens and one of them will unerringly track down the recipient. And if you're here on terra firma and want to write to somepony at the Bazaar, somehow they'll know about it right away. As soon as you're ready to send it, a shadowraven will come pick it up for you."

"Yeah, Pinkie and I met with a couple of 'em when we were makin' arrangements for AB's party," Applejack said.

"Real speedy delivery, those shadowy guys," Pinkie said brightly.

"That is so fascinating," Fluttershy said, gazing up at the flying ravens, barely visible against the night sky. "I wonder how they pull that off?"

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

It was almost sunrise by the time they got to the front of the line. The party ahead of them vanished into the green light along with their ticket taker, who was replaced by another. This ticket taker was a purple unicorn stallion with a sleek brown mane, striped with black. He wore a golden circlet around his head, and a gray cloak with a red collar. He stared at them expectantly, and they stepped back in alarm at the sight of his eyes.

"You see?" Rarity whispered eagerly. "That's what I was talking about. Accessories…"

The stallion's almond eyes were an unnatural, striking shade of white-blue. In the early morning light, they glimmered slightly—by all appearances, had they arrived before dawn, they probably would have seen the eyes genuinely glowing.

His cutie mark was a blue crescent moon, and was literally on fire. Warm, white-blue licks of flame danced and crackled around the mark, not just a moving picture of fire, but real, three-dimensional fire.

"May I help you?" he said in an expressionless voice, his intense eyes boring into them.

"Um, yes," Twilight said, stepping forward. "The six of us would like the two-week package, please."

"That'll be a hundred and eighty bits," the unicorn said.

"Okay," Twilight said. "Fork it over, everypony."

Rarity looked into her purse nervously. "Erm… I'm not sure I can spare thirty bits."

"I'll take care of it for you, Rarity," Fluttershy said softly.

"You don't have to do that for me, darling."

"It's no trouble," Fluttershy insisted.

"I couldn't," Rarity said, blushing.

"…Just throw in all you can and I'll cover you," Fluttershy whispered.

"Okay," Rarity said, producing a portion of the price.

"I'll cover a bit extra too," Rainbow said, pulling out more than thirty herself.

The other ponies produced their own coins, passing them to Twilight. The stallion's horn glowed teal, and he arranged all of the bits in a fifteen-by-twelve grid floating in front of his face, his eyes darting over them.

"Very well," he said, clumping all of the coins into a ball. "If you would all join me under the beam of light, please."

They gathered around him, bathed in the green glow.

"So, we're teleporting up?" Rainbow said.

The unicorn snorted. "Nonsense, teleportation is a lost art of unicorn magic. We'll be beaming."

"Really? Lost?" Rainbow said. "Because Twilight here can teleport. She does it all the time."

"Good for her," the unicorn droned.

In an instant, they were tugged through a tight, green tunnel of light and were back on their hooves in a dark brown tiled room.

"I've heard about this beaming process," Rarity said. "Twilight, is it true that beaming disintegrates us and creates a new 'us' at the destination?"

Twilight laughed. "No, that's a myth. Pretty common misconception, but no."

"How can you be sure?"

"Because if that was true, we'd be having this conversation in the afterlife and our reconstructed bodies would be soulless husks," Twilight said dryly. "That's just the way things work."

"Ah," Rarity said.

"See, isn't science fun?" Twilight said cheerfully.

"Maybe, if every kind of science was as badass as beaming," Rainbow muttered.

"All right, let's get you set up for your visit," the stallion said. He produced several leather bands, each one featuring a dulled version of all the colors of the rainbow, and distributed them. "Do not lose these wristbands; they will get you back into the Bazaar for the next two weeks. Should you wish to stay longer, please apply for extended stay or residency. Being caught without valid citizenship or visitor's passes will result in your arrest."

He opened the door to the small room, leading to the outside. "Welcome… to the Bazaar," he said, with slightly more passion than his usual deadpan tones.

The six friends stepped out into the evening air, on the pure-white cobblestone streets of the Bazaar, slightly crowded despite the early hour. Directly in front of them was a massive steel pyramid-shaped building, just across the street from a spiraling tower lined with golden light, and at the end of the block, a huge black temple shaped like a spider.

Various muttered exclamations of "wow" and "ooh" and "oh my" came from the gathered ponies. They turned back to their ticket-taker excitedly.

He stared blankly back at them. "I'm sorry, if you were expecting a big musical number about the marvels of the Bazaar, you'll have to do it yourselves."

"Oh, come on, just give us a little one," Twilight urged.

"I'm afraid I haven't been trained for that. Farewell, enjoy your visit." He closed the office door gently.

"All right, we'll go through without any singing," Twilight said. "Let's go, ladies!"

Adjusting their bags and supplies, they proceeded down the street. Past the three huge buildings, the streets turned to red brick, and they entered an area that more closely resembled the marketplace the Bazaar was purported to be. In front of the sandstone apartment buildings were lines of stands, tents, and kiosks—some of which seemed semi-permanent, carved out of stone and attached to the street.

Two bright red bulls were bargaining with a hooded and masked pony over a bejeweled skull. A pink pegasus stallion with wild black hair and horns implanted in his eyebrows enticed a passerby, a green feathered serpent, with a display of staves and wands. From one tent came a steady stream of brightly-colored bubbles; from another, a stream of flame accompanied by a loud roar. A skinny black horse tossed some seeds into a pit of dirt at her display, and a huge thorny rosebush sprouted instantly.

A giraffe walked by, towering over her fellow shoppers, an assortment of shopping bags dangling heavily from her body. Noticing the six ponies' eyes on her, the giraffe winked, her long eyelashes fluttering in the wind.

The shadowravens were a constant presence, darting back and forth over their heads, carrying scrolls.

Pinkie kept looking back and forth and up and down as if suffering neck spasms. "Too much stuff to marvel at!" she squeaked. "This is gonna be the most super-ultra-mega-giga fun thing we've ever done!"

"Don't look now, girls," Rarity said, "but there is, shall we say, a mega-hottie at nine o'clock. He's checking us out, and I think he's exactly Twilight's type."

Twilight chuckled. "What makes you think I have a…" She looked in the direction Rarity had indicated, and her heart skipped a beat. "Type?" she finished in a squeaky voice.

The individual across the street from them was a teal unicorn stallion, his eyes slanted and dark green. His mane was voluminous, lightly spiked, and colored silver, silver-blue, and black. His forehead and chin were marked with what might have been ritual scars. He flashed Twilight a dazzling smile.

"Hello, gorgeous," she muttered under her breath. "Good eye, Rarity."

She winked at him, and he winked back. Several of the friends broke out giggling.

"You gonna flirt with him from across the street?" Rainbow asked eagerly. "This is gonna be metal. Go for it, Twi."

Twilight nodded, then proceeded to obviously and unashamedly devour the stallion's face and body with her eyes.

"Oh my," Rarity commented.

"Nice," Rainbow chuckled.

The stallion nodded, his smirk broadening, but his eyes never leaving Twilight's face. Twilight lifted a hoof and gave him a little wave.

In response, he opened his mouth and unleashed an immensely long, powder blue, forked snake's tongue. He raised the tip of his tongue up high and waved at her with it before rapidly withdrawing it back into his mouth.

Twilight tried to stop herself, but her revulsion was clearly printed across her face before she could suppress it. The stallion looked affronted, then smirked again, seeming darkly satisfied.

He dropped into a lizard-like gait, his legs spread wide and his belly nearly scraping the ground, and scurried rapidly down the street, before scaling one of the apartment buildings in a few brief seconds and disappearing over its roof.

The six friends stared in disbelief.

"…Well, that was different," Applejack muttered.

"It was freaky-weird, is what it was," Rainbow said.

"I guess that's why they call it the 'Bazaar'," Pinkie said.

The others looked to her with disdain.

"What? We were all thinking it," Pinkie said defensively.

"Ooh, I offended him, did you see?" Twilight fretted. "Now I feel terrible. He probably gets looks like that all the time. I would have at least liked a chance to talk to him…"

"Ah, he'll be fine," Rainbow said. "I'm sure plenty of mares enjoy his tongue."

Twilight sighed. "You didn't have to go there, you know."

"Yeah, but I didn't have to not go there either. So you see…"

"You were right though, Rarity," Twilight admitted. "He really was my type… you know, minus the tongue. But… a nicely trim unicorn guy with a spiky mane and a devious little smirk…" She sighed. "All things considered, maybe my type isn't the best type for me to be pursuing. I mean, look how that turned out…"

Rarity wrapped an arm around Twilight. "Whatever you want to do, darling. There are plenty of stallions at the Bazaar for us to inspect."

"I'm not going after stallions at the Bazaar," Twilight said. "Friendship and love are my assignment, and this is vacation. After we do the Bazaar, maybe then I'll try to start dating again. But while we're here, just… I don't know, take a note if you learn anything important about vacationing. What does everypony want to do first?"

"Ooh, I know, pick me!" Pinkie said. "When it first came up, we saw those places with the spotlights and spinny lights and music, right? Let's find one of those places!"

"Those are nightclubs, Pinkie," Rainbow Dash said. "I don't know if that's your territory."

"Are they fun?" Pinkie challenged. "And loud? Then they're my territory."

"All right, well, that'll be a fun thing to do tonight, yeah," Rainbow said thoughtfully. "That, and the casinos! I wanna hit a casino. And look at these buildings, I'm already getting great ideas for remodeling my house."

"Yeah, that sounds great," Applejack said eagerly. "I wouldn't mind fixin' up the house, myself. And I'm on the lookout for antiques. Change up the house, give us a higher standard of livin', and get some cool stuff to put in it. Let me know if ya see any o' them antique shops…"

"Keep a close eye on those antiques," Rarity said. "Some of these merchants look like they'd sell cursed items just because they can."

"Heh, I'll be careful," Applejack chuckled.

"I could help you pick out some of those antiques," Rarity offered. "Though I do want some time to probe the secrets of those body modifications. And… hmm, if I could take a look at the latest fashions here, and create a line of my own that replicates it, selling it at a much lower price than one could find at the Bazaar…"

"Ha-ha, very shrewd," Rainbow said.

"Oh, but anypony would be able to tell that they got it from Carousel, not the Bazaar," Rarity said proudly. "Three guesses which one's better." Under her breath, she bitterly added, "Which isn't to say my version would actually sell, just that it would be better… of course it won't sell."

"I, um…" Fluttershy said quietly. "I'm hoping to see all the different kinds of folk that live here at the Bazaar. I'd like to find out where they come from and what their culture is like. And to buy some foreign plant samples for my garden…"

"And the food, of course," Applejack said suddenly.

"YEAH!" Pinkie whooped. "The food!"

"Oh, baby, the food," Rainbow said sensuously.

Twilight laughed. "Okay, well, I guess we should probably split up. You all have the address of the hotel I booked for us, right? We can go back there, just, whenever. Maybe we can meet there for dinner tomorrow night, and we'll definitely all see each other at Apple Bloom's cuteceañera the morning after that."

"Oooh, that's gonna be good," Applejack said eagerly. "Me and Pinkie booked this great picnic place."

"Catch you guys on the flipside," Rainbow said, flying off.

"Yup, I'm off," Applejack agreed.

"Bye!" Fluttershy chirped, flying in a different direction.

"We'll meet up later," Rarity said, taking a side street.

"BEST VACATION EVER!" Pinkie shrieked, bounding away.

Twilight smiled. "I look forward to hearing about your adventures, guys," she said quietly.