Romance and the Fate of Equestria

Fun fact: in my original plan, chapter 37 was going to be a full-chapter Author's Note. When I wrote it, it came out to more than 4,500 words, the second-longest chapter in the story. I quickly realized that, even if it wasn't against the rules, it was just a stupid idea.

So I just took the first third of that rant and divided it into the big-ass ANs seen in chapters 37 to 41. The remaining two-thirds? Well, that was me whining about how I'd never find anyone to help me create the artwork and musical numbers that I'd want to be associated with the story, and because of that belief, describing them in painstaking detail. Obviously, you can't describe art and music, you need the real thing. And the whole thing overall was really just pathetic and whiny; if I want collaborators, I should actively seek them. I may not have found one yet, but there has to be a really high-tech fan artist out there who's willing to do a whole assload of commission work. The songs are more of a pipe dream.

So… yeah. Piece of trivia there. The end result being that my overall story plan is one chapter shorter than it originally was. Which isn't a big deal. Important stuff happens when it's story-appropriate, not in chapters that end in 5 or 0.

Chapter Forty-Four

Banners were set up and ponies gathered around—it was time for the Running of the Leaves.

Spike paced anxiously in front of the moored hot-air balloon, wearing a black turtleneck underneath an open sky-blue blazer, artfully ripped navy blue cargo pants, and silvery-black steel-toed boots.

"Ooh, where's Pinkie?" he muttered. "I can't commentate without her."

"She'll show up, Spike," Twilight said, shielding her eyes from his outfit. "I'm sure she just had something to take care of quick. You know she's never late."

"Yeah, I hope so," Spike said. "'Cause my plan for announcing today, it's gonna bring down the house!"

"Um… okay, Spike," Twilight said nervously. "But don't go too overboard with this 'changing your image' thing. Just be yourself."

"Oh, believe me, I know," Spike said. "I know it's good to be myself. I also know that I am whoever I choose to be."

Twilight opened her mouth, then backpedaled. "I… I can't argue with that," she said to herself, "but somehow I feel like I have to. Like I have to find a way to refute that before it spirals out of—"

"I'm here!" Pinkie said, suddenly popping up, her eyes at half-mast and her hair extra-frizzy. "Sorry… I'm in no condition to commentate today. I was running around town looking for a replacement."

"And?" Spike said, wringing his claws. "Did you find one?"

"Yes," she said, scooping DJ P0n-3 seemingly from nowhere and wrapping an arm around her shoulders. "My dear fillyhood friend Vinyl Scratch will take my place. I think you'll find her more than adequate."

"Ooh, that's swell!" Spike said eagerly. "Good find, Pinkie!"

"Ha, yeah," the DJ said, smiling wryly. "You wouldn' believe 'ow many favors I owe this one. She never fails t' find fun and exci'ing ways t' collect. I won' disappoin', Pinks."

"I know you won't," Pinkie said with a sleepy grin. "Better get on up there!"

"This is gonna be a blast!" Spike declared, pumping his fist.

Spike and DJ P0n-3 hopped into the balloon, and in a minute it was flying out over the countryside.

"What's wrong, Pinkie?" Twilight asked. "You look tired."

"I… yeah, I haven't been sleeping well," Pinkie said.

"Aw, why not?"

Pinkie looked reluctant to answer. "I… look, curiosity got the better of me. All week ponies have been teasing me, complimenting my 'performance' as the villain in the movie Cupcakes… I just wanted to be in on the joke."

"You didn't," Twilight said, horrorstruck.

"Yeah, I went to see it," Pinkie groaned, rubbing her head. "What a… what a shock. I've never even seen a movie that wasn't for kids. So, you know, naturally I haven't slept in four days."

"Gosh, Pinkie," Twilight said sadly. "You could've just asked one of us to explain—"

"Yeah, 'cause you really would've explained, too," Pinkie snapped. "You guys were making the comparison before the movie even came out, and you didn't explain it then, did you?"

"I… listen, Pinkie…"

"It's okay," Pinkie mumbled. "I'm sorry, I'm tired." She sighed. "I get it, I really do. The character, what's her name?"

"…The name?" Twilight said hesitantly. "Of the killer?"

"Yeah."

Twilight chewed on her lip. "Um… Cupcakes?"

Pinkie snorted. "That's the title of the movie, not the killer's name," she said contemptuously.

"Sorry. I don't remember."

"Huh," Pinkie remarked. "That's not like you. Off day for you, huh? Well, anyway—she's like… all my beliefs and everything I stand for, but like somepony took an evil paintbrush to it. Does that make sense?"

"…Actually, yes," Twilight admitted.

"What happened?" Pinkie wondered. "Did somepony just look at my life and say, 'hey, she'd make a great slasher villain!' 'Cause I wouldn't, you know. Sup wit dat?"

"The original novel actually came out more than thirty years ago so, you know, that's probably not what happened," Twilight said quietly.

"Thirty years? And I'm just finding out about it now? That's even freakier! What if ponies have been scared of me all my life, just because of the way I am naturally? Or worse, laughing at me? 'Cause that's what's going on right now. Scared of me or laughing at me. At me."

"Pinkie, you're…" Twilight stammered. "If the comparison hurts you that much, then all you have to do is say it, and nopony who loves you will ever speak of it again. And if somepony outside that group laughs at you, just forget them. You know that your friends only laugh with you."

"At me," Pinkie insisted.

Twilight was about to retort, then she realized that Pinkie had fallen asleep, still standing up as she snored and muttered.

"At me," she repeated, her speech slurring. "Such cruel laughter. So many horrible balloons. Stop looking at me… stop looking at me!"

"Pinkie!" Twilight said, igniting a spark in front of Pinkie's face.

She jerked awake. "Huh?"

"You dozed off," Twilight said with concern. "It sounds like this Cupcakes ordeal is giving you Discord flashbacks."

Pinkie stared uncertainly. "Sorry, I… I heard 'flapjacks', but that can't be what you said."

"Flashbacks."

"Oh. See, didn't I tell you I was tired?"

Twilight glanced up at the morning sun. "Hey… maybe if you took a couple of naps today, you'd feel more rested, have a better time fending off these nightmares than if you had to do it in the dark."

Pinkie looked at the sky and considered it. "Yeah? …Yeah. I think I'll go home and try that. Shouldn't you be, um…"

"At the starting line," Twilight agreed. "Yep… take care, Pinkie. Feel better, okay?"

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

"Once more unto the breach, mates, for the annual Running o' the Leaves! 'Appy t' be up 'ere in the balloon for the firs' time, I'm DJ P0n-'free."

"And I'm Chesterfield Snapdragon McFisticuffs," said Spike. "Oh, hi-de-di-de-di-de-di-de-di-de-di-de-di…"

DJ P0n-3 stared blankly. "Erm… yeah. And they're off!"

"Off like my sleeves!" Spike said, ripping the sleeves off his blazer and turtleneck in a single motion.

"I'm… not sure 'ow I feel abou' where this is going," DJ P0n-3 said apprehensively. "So, the racers 'ave star'ed rushing frough the trees, jus' listen t' the crackle o' those autumn leaves! Tha's a symphony righ' there in isself."

"I never liked symphonies," Spike said dispassionately. "But if somepony took me to a symphony that ROCKED MY SOCKS OFF—"

"Gah!" DJ P0n-3 cried out, flinching away from him.

"Well, I'd like that pony very much, I think, for expanding my horizons," Spike said. "What I'd share with that pony, IT WOULD BE LEGENDARY!" He threw his claws into the air and waved them wildly.

DJ P0n-3 gaped, then leaned back, out of range of the sound system. "All righ', what the bleedin' 'ell is goin' on 'ere?"

"Say that into the mic, DJ," Spike said, his eyes on the watching crowd. "That was interesting."

P0n-3 scoffed and addressed the microphone. "Look, I didn' come 'ere t' be the straigh' mare. I 'eard you the las' two times you did this fing, you're s'posed t' be the normal one!"

"Oh. Well, see, I'm changing my image."

"To wha'?" she demanded.

"I like to think of my new persona as 'uncategorizable'," Spike said proudly.

"I can fink a few ca'egories for it, bu' okay," DJ P0n-3 muttered. "Erm, well, I see Twiligh' Sparkle down there, implemen'ing 'er usual stra'egy o' pacing 'erself… unfortunately, qui' a few ovver ponies 'ad the same idea and are now formin' a cluster aroun' ol' number for'y-two tha's gonna be 'ard to break frough once she gets t' the final stretch—by the stars an' the moon, stop staring at me like tha'!" she snapped at Spike. "Wha' the frig, mate?"

"I'm just trying to be attentive," Spike said, his face less than an inch from hers. "This is how I listen to ponies now."

DJ P0n-3 sighed. "Okay, I'll bite: why are you making yourself over into this?"

Spike covered the microphone. "Well, uh…"

"Into the mic, mate," DJ P0n-3 said smugly.

He ignored her. "There's this filly…"

"Well, o' course it's for a filly," she snapped for the entire crowd to hear. "Anypony could see tha', it's obvious. I jus' wanna know wha' on erff makes you fink this'll work."

Spike cleared his throat. "The way I see it, I'm far too unremarkable. I used to be a novelty in this town, but now it's like, 'Oh yeah, that's just Spike. Only dragon in Equestria, nothing special.' And, you know, it'd be so easy to start hearing, 'Oh, now the dragon's dressed in trendy clothes and using hip slang. How mundane and ordinary.' But by coming up with an image nopony's ever seen—"

"Can we talk abou' the Running o' the Leaves?" DJ P0n-3 bellowed. "Jus' for a change o' pace?"

Spike breathed deeply. "Sure, I can talk about that," he said solemnly.

DJ P0n-3 did a double-take when she saw that Spike was wearing an enormous, pure white wide-brimmed hat. "Where'd the 'at come from? Tha's a bitchin' 'at…"

"Well," Spike said gravely. "Look at those trees, how the gorgeous red and gold leaves fall away to reveal the trees' blackened skeletons. That's not attractive at all. Kinda makes you wonder, what's the point of it all? Why do we even bother to do this? But you know, spring wouldn't be special at all if it didn't have to fight its way through the lifeless cold of winter. That makes it, like, all the more inspiring, you know?"

"…Wow."

"Thus, like the phoenix—EQUESTRIA RENEWS ITSELF AGAAAAAINNNNN! YEEEEAHHHHHHH!"

"Gah!" she muttered again. She looked him over thoughtfully. "Well, you actually succeed at being non-conformis', I'll give you tha'. You're… you're a clever li'l beast. Nuffing ordinary 'bout you. I can' wait t' see wha' becomes of ya."

"Thought you wanted to talk about the Running of the Leaves?" he challenged.

"Well, we jus' migh' 'ave t' do tha'…" she said, suppressing a smile.