Romance and the Fate of Equestria

So, here's a question that the fanon often attempts to answer: what year is it? Most agree that the events of the first two episodes, that was the year 1000. But hang on a minute. If, as we assume, the years are measured by the rule of Celestia, what about the time when Celestia and Luna were ruling together? Surely it was at least couple of years before Luna started going crazy. Summer Sun Celebration started when Celestia started doing it solo, but the years had already started being numbered. So let's say it's the year 1000 plus however many years Celestia and Luna ruled together. Theoretically.

Chapter Four

Applejack was at Sugarcube Corner, assisting the Cakes with a big catering job. Several members of the group of friends lounged around in the front room.

Twilight had three books open in front of her, comparing notes on each of the three and jotting down her own notes in a notebook, and occasionally looking out the window at ponies passing by.

"Twilight, you're way overthinking this," Rainbow said, flapping over to her. "Stallions are one-half of the population, they're not exactly hard to find. Just close the books"—she did so, forcefully—"and get out there, go someplace there are a lot of single ponies. It's that easy."

Twilight blinked in surprise at her suddenly closed books. "You mean like a club?"

"Yes!" Rainbow said triumphantly. "A nightclub! Now you're—"

"Actually, I was thinking more like a book club," Twilight said thoughtfully. "I could start my own book club and… and charge admission! Yeah! Anypony who would be willing to pay to indulge in my interests, that's a pony I could have a lasting relationship with…"

"Okay, take it easy," Rainbow interrupted. "Overthinking again. Go where ponies already are, start with that. There's lots of places to get dates. Like a bar, or the market, or, if you happen to be a member of the Apple family, an Apple family reunion."

"Badum-tchh!" Pinkie Pie muttered, tapping out a rimshot on the counter.

Applejack chuckled darkly. "Heh heh… that's cute. Hey Rainbow Dash, come over here with that key lime pie for a minute."

Rainbow glanced at the counter. "This one?"

"That's right, bring it on over."

Rainbow gripped the edge of the pie tin in her teeth and started toward Applejack.

"Come a little closer?" Applejack said sweetly. "Perfect." She lifted her front hooves and smashed the pie into Rainbow's face.

"Objection noted," came Rainbow's muffled voice from behind the pie filling.

"Heh heh heh…"

"Er, Applejack," Mr. Cake said, "I hope you're prepared to pay for that pie…"

"You know what? It's on me," Rainbow said. "I know a good comeback when I see one. Totally worth it."

"So, Applejack," Mrs. Cake said as the farm pony came behind the counter, "how did things between Fluttershy and that charming brother of yours?"

"The hay if I know," Applejack said, shrugging. "Big Mac came home alone, early. I didn't get a word out of him."

"Ooh, that's no good," Rainbow said with concern, wiping the pie off of her face.

Fluttershy entered the shop with a mouthful of mail, and was quickly swarmed by her eager friends.

"What happened?" Rainbow said anxiously. "How was everything?"

"It was great!" Fluttershy said, setting her mail on a table. "Really great production values for a local play. Did I mention the Mayor was in it?"

"Yeah, just a couple million times," Rainbow said impatiently. "Come on, I meant you and Big Mac. How did you part ways?"

"Oh, you know… hoofshake."

"Ooh," Rainbow said again, wincing. "That bad, eh?"

"No, no, it went wonderfully!" Fluttershy insisted. "We both had a great time, and he really listens to me, really interested in what I had to say…"

"Well then, come on!" Rainbow said. "Kiss him! Did I not get you lit enough?"

"No, no… lighting was sufficient," Fluttershy said delicately. "I just… I don't know. I'm still scared to death to try things I've never done before…"

"What, kiss? Sure you have."

"No… I haven't," Fluttershy said firmly, in a tone clearly begging Rainbow Dash not to press the point.

Rainbow pressed it anyway. "Cloudsdale High School, graduation party, class of '02," she announced. "There was making out, and you were involved."

"Doesn't count," Fluttershy said.

"Why the cumulonimbus not?"

"Well, come on, it was you," Fluttershy said, rolling her eyes. "Doesn't mean anything."

Spike began to take a sip of his milkshake, then seemed to realize exactly what Fluttershy had just said and spat it out. "What a minute, WHAT?"

"Oh," Rainbow Dash said coldly. "Didn't mean anything. I see." She turned her nose up in the air and began to strut away.

"Wait, so…" Spike muttered, "chicks actually do that?"

"W-wait," Fluttershy stammered. "…Did it mean something? Have I completely ruined your memories of it forever? I'm so sorry…"

"I thought that only happened in novels," Spike marveled.

Rainbow Dash turned around and batted Fluttershy on the nose playfully. "I'm screwing with you, Fluttershy. Of course it didn't mean anything. But couldn't you have used fond memories of that night and applied the knowledge to last night?"

Twilight raised an eyebrow at Spike. "Since when do you read novels?"

"I've read plenty of novels," Spike retorted.

"It wasn't that time, Rainbow Dash," Fluttershy said.

"So when are you going to see him again?" Rainbow pressed.

"Um… it never came up."

"Really?" Twilight said to Spike. "Are you sure? Because I've given you a number of classics to read, and you've never touched a single one of them."

"I read good novels," Spike clarified.

"Well, then, you MAKE it come up, Fluttershy," Rainbow grumbled, planting her face in a hoof.

"Can you please let me take this at my own pace?" Fluttershy squeaked. "This is scary enough as it is! Show some sensitivity. You're the one who got me into this. I'd have been perfectly content to keep these feelings suppressed and gnawing at me from the inside." With that note of finality, she began to look through her mail. "The student loan office? But I'm not prepared…"

"Oh, sure," Twilight said sarcastically. "Novels where young fillies make out with each other. Sounds real wholesome, Spike."

"It's high-quality entertainment," Spike insisted. "Just read the blurbs on the dust jacket. Blurbs by ponies I've actually heard of…"

"Wait," Fluttershy whispered, looking at the envelope at the bottom of her pile. "Is this a letter from Big Macintosh?"

Applejack perked up. "What?"

"It is," Fluttershy said with wonder. "It's—wow! He must have sent it yesterday morning, so it would arrive today… oh, that is so sweet! I am not gonna make him regret this!"

"Spike, I am so searching your possessions when we get home," Twilight warned.

"Fine, go ahead," Spike said dismissively. "I thought you'd be glad I'm reading. There's no pleasing you, is there?"

"STOP!" Pinkie shrieked. "STOP IT! ALL OF YOU, STOP IT!" She stepped out into the middle of the room. "I've got something to say here." She looked around, making sure she had the attention of all present. "You know what really bugs me? I'll tell you what really bugs me. When you pull a gun on somepony and you go, 'Dodge this!' and… and then they do. Highly anticlimactic and frankly, downright inconsiderate."

There was a heavy silence.

"May I be the first to say, WHAT?" Rainbow supplied.

"I'm sorry!" Pinkie wailed. "It was all I could think of to say! I don't know what's going on here, I can't follow two conversations at once! And Fluttershy, what was with that non-sequitur about the student loan office? That's just silly…"

"Yeah, Pinkie," Twilight said dryly, "we all know that silly non-sequiturs are completely foreign to you."

"Shush," Pinkie said. "Now, we're gonna hear from everypony one at a time here! Fluttershy, what's going on with you?"

"Big Macintosh sent me a letter," Fluttershy said happily. "Isn't that sweet?"

"What's it say?" Pinkie asked.

Fluttershy eagerly explained. "It says that even though he doesn't know what we did last night—because he wrote it yesterday morning—he wants to see me again today. Oh, but it doesn't matter what the letter says. Just that he went to the trouble—my mother always used to say nopony writes letters anymore." She lit up suddenly. "This is why we didn't make plans for next time! He wanted me to get this first! And… oh, actions really do speak louder than words…"

"They do?" Pinkie said, as if this was genuine news to her. "Wow, in that case, Big Macintosh is friggin' LOUD! Somepony shut him up! Rainbow Dash, what do you think of all this?"

"Well, I was concerned…" Rainbow said slowly, "that Fluttershy could've done better on her date. But, well, the letter is a sweet gesture. Maybe we can pick this thing up, and it'll stick."

"Good, good," Pinkie said, nodding. "Applejack?"

Applejack shrugged. "I got nothin'."

"Okay, other conversation," Pinkie said. "Twilight? What's eating you?"

"I think Spike is enjoying entertainment that's not really age-appropriate," Twilight announced.

"Spike? Your thoughts?"

"My thoughts?" Spike said. "I'd say Twilight's gotta mellow out a bit. She's the kind of pony who thinks 'adult situations' should mean paying taxes and getting kidney stones. She ought to loosen up and have some fun!"

Twilight exhaled sharply through her nose. "I… okay, Spike. Maybe we can discuss this in more civil tones, sometime later. Sorry I snapped at you. I've been doing that a lot lately, huh?"

"Nah, you've been great," Spike said. "You've just been starting a difficult new project. Of course you're on edge."

"Thanks," Twilight said, beaming. "Thanks for understanding that, and—"

"And hopefully," Spike interrupted, "this project will turn your life into one of the books I've been reading. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to relocate my stash." He bobbed out of the shop.

"What, and WHAT?" Twilight demanded, running after him.

"Am I a mediator or what?" Pinkie said smugly.

"Eh, no," Rainbow replied.

"Okay," Pinkie submitted.

"I liked it!" Mr. Cake piped in.