Romance and the Fate of Equestria

You'll notice that this story began immediately after the season 2 finale, because that's how I do fanfiction: no AU's or one-shots, I just take a look at where the characters were last time I saw them, and I continue the story from there. Most of my previous stories have begun the same way, usually in the form of a family-friendly slice-of-life story with no particular plot. My reviewers often comment that it feels more like reading a bona fide sequel to the source material rather than fanfiction. No really, I've actually gotten that comment at least once about every non-crossover I've ever done.

About halfway through, however, I decide that a plot needs to be kicked in gear, and the whole thing turns into a revenge tragedy. That same halfway point is usually about the time that all my reviewers up and disappear, and I'm pretty sure there's a correlation there. And then when my reviewers disappear, I lose all my passion and the chapters get shorter and shorter and the end result has a really bitter and disappointing ending. No good.

I'm determined not to let such a genre shift happen here. When planning out Part Two, I made the conscious decision not to let big hero-versus-villain confrontations be a regular thing. I selected Romance and Humor as my genres and I jolly well meant it. So, while I'm tempted to make the revelation that, just for example, Twilight is pregnant with Vorpal Blade's foal, I'm not gonna do that. No such thing will ever happen. That kind of drama is not what this fic is about. So, not unlike what happens after every season premiere, we've had our climactic battle and are now going back to everyday life. You can expect scenes of friends hanging out in such sitcom-worthy locales as the spa or Sugarcube Corner, slice-of-life bits that go back to the roots of the fic, and to the roots of Friendship Is Magic itself.

Then again, I put "Fate of Equestria" right there in the title, so clearly doing only slice-of-life wouldn't be particularly true to the fic (or the series!) either.

Chapter Thirty-Eight

"Spike, whip out the checklist," Twilight commanded.

"Yes, ma'am!" the dragon said, saluting with his quill and unfurling a huge sheet of parchment. "What kind of list are we doing now?"

"Well, it's a shopping list," Twilight said. "I'm going to be taking up a couple of hobbies, and I'll need the necessary supplies."

"Hobbies?" Spike inquired.

"Yeah. You know, since… well, for a while I've been putting a lot of time and care into what turned out to be a fake relationship, and now that that's all over, I need some sort of activity to fill in the big gaping holes that have been left in my…" she trailed off briefly, before clearing her throat and abruptly finishing, "…schedule."

"Your schedule."

"Among other things," Twilight said, smirking sadly.

Spike nodded. "Hobbies are good. So, what are we getting?"

Twilight paced the floor thoughtfully. "First… a kite. No, not a kite… make it supplies for making a kite. I'm gonna make it myself! With… um…"

"A kite-making kit?" Spike supplied.

"Yeah, one of those," Twilight said, shrugging. "Second… some kind of, um, pretzel machine. For baking soft pretzels. Those big, salty, freshly-baked pretzels like we used to get at the mall back in Canterlot. I loved those things! You know, Shining Armor used to get them for me. In fact, I like to think that the first time I ever bonded with a true friend was the time he bought one for us to share when I was just a little, little filly…" She sighed and stared into space. "I don't just crave them as food. It's like I have an emotional attachment to them… I miss them, and I'm gonna learn how to bake 'em."

"Mm-hmm," Spike said as he wrote. "And I suppose you enjoy pepperjack cheese on those soft pretzels?"

"What? No. Shut up. Let's move on now… ah, gardening tools."

"It's the wrong side of autumn, Twilight."

"I know," Twilight said. "But if we prepare one now, it might be ready to grow once spring comes. It's all about planning ahead, Spike. Put gardening tools on the list."

"Oh, I've got gardening tools," Spike said.

"You do?" she said, eyebrows raised.

"Yeah. I had to tend to Olivia, after all. I needed the tools to get her out of that pot and into the yard."

"Who on earth is Olivia?" Twilight said, astonished.

Spike glared. "Do you pay any attention to my life at all? The olive tree that Shining Armor sent me."

"Oh, right," Twilight said. "Of course, the tree. I was wondering where it had gone. Olivia, was it? Why do you call—never mind, I just got it. That's cute. Okay, so we're set on gardening tools, then?"

"We most certainly are," Spike confirmed.

"Good… I think gardening will be intensely relaxing, once the proper time of year rolls around. Okay, that's three things… next up, paint and easels."

"Oh, nice," Spike said, scribbling it down. "You ever painted before?"

"You know, actually I have," Twilight said. "Before I started studying magic, I always wanted to illustrate books and such. The old desire still comes up every now and then." She plucked a book off of the shelves with magic. "When it comes to books, nothing beats a wall of text, but a close second is a great illustration. Check this out."

She opened the book, revealing a full-color illustration of a multi-tiered village existing in a blue haze, populated by ponies who had fish-tails in place of their hindquarters.

"Kingdom of the Seaponies, created in 978," Twilight explained. "Pretty sweet, huh? I met the pony who drew it once. Look at all the layers, all the different coloring techniques used. I could never pull off something this amazing, of course, but with practice… it'll be a fun project to try out. You know, in my spare time."

"Oh, sure. So… that's a lot of hobbies. Anything else?"

"Agh, let's see," Twilight muttered. "There was a fifth thing, but every time I run over the list in my head, I forget it. What could it have…? Oh! Of course, yes. The final item on the list: one of those, ah, neck massagers."

Spike gently set the checklist facedown on the table, then put the quill on top of it. "Okay," he said calmly. "A line just got crossed."

"What?" Twilight said nervously.

"Look, I know we share everything and we're closer than family and dadadadada," Spike said, waving his claw dismissively, "but I really don't need or want to hear about what you do in your bedroom, alone or otherwise."

"It's—"

"As always, I'm ready and willing to do all your shopping for you," Spike interrupted, "but you can get your own damn vibrator."

"It's for my neck," Twilight said weakly.

He stared at her derisively.

"Okay, so it's not for my neck," she muttered. "You're right, of course. Sorry. I… I guess I took it for granted that you're willing to… of course, I wasn't expecting you to know what it meant, but… yeah, I'm sorry."

"Don't worry about it," Spike said, picking the quill and list back up. "Just… keep in mind, a lesson was learned here about boundaries. Anyway, is that everything?"

"Yes."

"So your new hobbies are as follows…" he said, chewing on the tip of the quill. "Kite-flying, pretzel-making, gardening, painting… and, evidently, mas—"

"Autoerotica," Twilight said hastily.

"Right, right, autoerotica," he agreed. "Totally what I was gonna say, 'cause that's the classy word for it."

Twilight grinned awkwardly. "You know, it's funny… ponies always say that it's almost impossible to talk about the teenage years without bringing that up, but I… I never really did that, as a teenager. I guess I'm a late bloomer in more ways than one… it probably has something to do with my premature cutie mark…"

"You heard what I just said about boundaries, right?" Spike said. "There's no reason whatsoever to give me that information. We can never un-have this conversation, you know."

"…Sorry," Twilight said again. "Um… so, is there anything you wanted to go out and get?"

"You know, I was thinking of picking up some clothes, actually," Spike said, gleeful at the subject change.

"Clothes?" Twilight repeated. "You don't need clothes, Spike. It's an extremely unnecessary luxury. A self-confident pony knows that their image doesn't need to be—"

"Do I look self-confident to you?" Spike demanded. "I'm fifteen years old, for crying out loud, of course I'm not self-confident."

"All the more reason not to buy clothes," Twilight said simply. "Teen trends come and go, and you'll get bigger, Spike. Anything we buy will be rendered useless in a matter of months."

"I won't need it for more than a couple of months," Spike said.

"Oh, that's incentive," Twilight said sarcastically.

"A good outfit makes you… stand out," Spike muttered.

"Stand out? Oh, Spike…" Twilight walked over to him and wrapped an arm around his shoulders. "You don't need clothes to make you stand out. You are the most unique and special creature in all of—"

"Don't try and butter me up!" Spike snapped, worming his way out of her embrace. "I just need to… I need to change my image."

"Why, Spike?"

"It's… it's so I'll stand out to ponies who already know me," he said, averting his eyes.

Twilight frowned in concern. "Spike, explain yourself. Please, help me to understand."

"Okay," Spike sighed. "Short answer, this is all a desperate bid to catch Sweetie Belle's attention. Long answer… actually, it was all pretty much right there in the short answer."

"Yes, it was," Twilight agreed. She bent down and kissed the top of his head. "Okay, Spike. We'll go to Rarity, and see if she can get you—"

"No, not Rarity!" Spike said hurriedly. "Not Rarity. She's all… you know, sequins and silks and fancy stuff like that. Plus, she might try to sabotage the whole thing, sell me something with a nasty spell on it…"

Twilight laughed. "Rarity's not going to sabotage your attempts to win over Sweetie Belle. But if not her stuff, what did you have in mind?"

"I don't know. Just something a little more 'casual."

"You know what's casual? Not spending any money on clothes."

"Oh, come on, Twilight," Spike said, already walking out the door. "It's not like it's money you earn through a hard day's work or anything."

Twilight rolled her eyes, but followed him. "Okay, you and I need to have a talk about exactly what it is I do…"

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

Endnotes

Yes, I made a pepperjack cheese joke. If you know the significance that the phrase "pepperjack cheese" has when referring to fanfiction content, well, now you know how I feel about soft pretzels. If you don't know, and perhaps would like a long-winded explanation about the origins of what "pepperjack cheese" means in the fanfic-writing community, well… I'm not gonna tell you here. That would ruin the whole thing. Same reason I didn't explain why I renamed the Avengers' archer "Mustang". Just ask me, and I'll fill you in.

As for Spike's use of the term "dadadadada" to mean "and so on and so forth", that's something my mother does that drives me absolutely insane with irritation… why I voluntarily committed it to paper, I'll never know…