Romance and the Fate of Equestria

Chapter Two

"This is DJ P0n-3 hoping you had a rockin' trot to work! And now, for your listening pleasure, a band so awesome I'm not even allowed to say their name on the radio, playing the song that's the biggest smash hit Canterlot's seen in a very long time—their very own single, 'By the Blades of Her Eyes'."

Twilight entered Sugarcube Corner, with Spike in tow and repeatedly scanning a letter she had received that morning.

"Hi, Twilight!" Pinkie called from behind the counter.

"Hello, Pinkie," Twilight said. "And hello to you, baby Cakes!"

Sitting happily on Pinkie Pie's back, Pound Cake and Pumpkin Cake giggled in response.

"You know, you are really good with them," Twilight said, beaming.

"Thanks!" Pinkie said. "Hey, check out what I taught them—we've been working on it…" She cleared her throat and turned to the twins, pulling a hilariously grotesque face and shouting "WHAZZUP!"

"WHAZZUP!" Pound Cake echoed, making the same face.

"WHAZZUP!" Pumpkin added, finishing off the three-part harmony.

Twilight laughed aloud. "That is funny… and so wildly inappropriate. Wildly inappropriate, yet funny."

"That's what I was going for," Pinkie said. "Can I offer you something this morning? We've got fresh crepes!"

"And they smell delicious," Twilight said. "A couple of those for both of us would be delightful."

"Okay!" Pinkie said. "Spike, you want yours garnished with sapphires? Maybe a bit of gold leaf?"

Spike, who had been absently bopping along to the radio, raised his head. "Gold leaf?" he repeated. "You so know me!"

Pinkie gathered up some plates and napkins. "Whatcha readin'?" she asked Twilight.

"Well," Twilight said proudly, "after a couple of days of discussing the terms and looking for precedents, the princess has okayed my 'magic of romantic love' project."

"Ooh, that is so cool!"

"Yep, I'm very engaged in this," Twilight said, nodding. "Once Cadence is back from the honeymoon in Shetland, I'll be corresponding with her, finding out how she does it all. Princess Celestia has pointed me toward some of the books on the subject." She produced one from her saddlebag.

Pinkie read the title as she placed the crepes in front of Twilight and Spike. "101 Ways To Succeed With Fillies… 'fillies'?" she repeated, wrinkling her nose. "What, are you gonna pick up little kids?"

"That was my reaction too," Twilight said, rolling her eyes. "It's annoyingly archaic, but it'll serve my purposes once I've translated it into less offensive terms. And then, for the hooves-on approach, I will be hitting the dating scene ASAP."

"That's awesome, Twilight," Pinkie Pie said sincerely. "Just don't neglect your friendship studies while you're doing it!" She pouted at Twilight, her eyes impossibly enormous.

Twilight laughed. "Point taken… and don't worry about that. I've been doing that research for far too long to forget about it now… or ever."

The bell rang as the front door to Sugarcube Corner opened. "Morning, Zecora!" Pinkie said brightly. "Your usual?"

"Please," Zecora replied graciously.

"So," Twilight pondered. "How exactly does one 'hit the dating scene'?"

"Uh, I dunno," Pinkie said with a giggle. "It's just like making friends, I guess. Here you go, Z."

She passed a coffee cup to Zecora. Zecora uncapped it, releasing a cloud of blue smoke, which she inhaled quickly, appearing utterly contented.

"It's not that easy," Twilight said. "I'm not like you, Pinkie. I can't just waltz up to somepony and start asking questions… I honestly don't have the faintest idea of where to begin, and no matter how academically I approach it I can't figure it out."

"Well, have you tried thinking about it not-academically?" Pinkie said. "It's just an extension of making friends. I do that all the time, and I never studied jack squat." She leaned toward Twilight seriously. "Friendship sticks, Twi, and not just the kind that comes after you've saved Equestria together. You've got lots of friends who didn't save Equestria with you. Like Zecora here, or Cheerilee."

"So… you're saying I should approach dating in the same way I approached them?" Twilight said. "Just… casually? I guess the comparison fits, but it just seems like something's missing… what do you think, Zecora?"

Still sipping, Zecora lifted her eyes toward Twilight. "Hmm?"

"I need everypony's perspective on this," Twilight said. "And you know how difficult getting close to others can be… what would you suggest?"

Zecora stirred her drink as she thought about it, then recited: "When going about your day, or at popular haunts, one must act like a pony who knows what she wants."

Twilight blinked in surprise, then quickly wrote that down.

"'Tis not perfect advice, just my best," Zecora said. "Tell me, your talk of romance, why the sudden interest?"

"Oh, lots of reasons," Twilight said quietly. "Do you ever think about a legacy, Zecora? Stuff like who'll tend to the alchemy shop when you're gone? If future ponies forget about our works, then… then they'll forget about us."

Zecora laughed. "You need not be concerned by such morbid stuff—you've shaped the future of Equestria quite enough."

"True," Twilight said, grinning. "I guess I'll be in the history books… still, it's not just a legacy. It's…" She waved a hoof absently, trying to find the words.

"Lineage," Zecora supplied.

"Yes!" Twilight said. "That's it…"

"To place not merely your deeds, but your very self, into the far future," Zecora said. "So ponies may say, I am a descendant of Twilight Sparkle, to be sure."

"Something like that," Twilight agreed, beaming. "I mean, let's not put the cart before ourselves, as they say! Step one is to start dating somepony, and there are a lot of mysteries to unravel on that subject…"

Zecora looked over Twilight fondly. "And then, your perfect match, who shares your goals, and knows the deepest secret of your soul. You and he'd be quite the sight; I wish you luck, dearest Twilight."

"Thank you," Twilight said. "My perfect match… I remember the spark of realizing I had friends, how good that felt. I can't wait for the spark of falling in love. And then…" She paused dramatically. "Then we can make charts!"

"Charts?" Spike said blankly.

"Charts, to find out if we're genetically compatible, and about our family histories, it'll just be so romantic…" Twilight gushed.

"Genetically compatible?" Spike repeated. "Heh. Don't tell Sweetie Belle that, or I'm screwed forever…"

"Oh, Spike," Twilight said gently. "I know it might seem like that now, but you need to realize—wait a minute, did you say Sweetie Belle?"

Spike blinked. "Huh, I guess I did. Well, we really hit it off at the wedding, did you see?"

Twilight raised an eyebrow. "So… no more Rarity?"

"Rarity? Eh, I figured I'd quit while I'm ahead," Spike said casually. "I've got her right where I want her, so now it's time to open up my options."

Twilight chuckled quietly. "Right. I'm sure that was your thought process."

"Totally was."

Twilight thought about it for a moment. Spike and Sweetie Belle were, in chronological terms, the same age, and that was at least a start…

"Sweetie Belle is super-nice," Spike went on. "And cute! You ever notice, she looks exactly like a kind of a mini-Rarity…"

"Whoa, whoa, back up," Twilight said sharply. "Spike, as your guardian, I am not going to let that comment slide. You can't just…"

"No, no, I didn't mean it like that!" Spike said, waving his claws frantically. "I'm not saying she's some cheap Rarity replica. I am perceptive enough to realize she's special in her own way, Miss 'I-think-Spike's-an-emotionally-stunted-twerp'. 'Cause I'm not, you know."

"Ah… heh," Twilight said. "Of course you're not. On record, though, you are a baby dragon. You can ask anypony. I will be making some decisions for you, Spike."

"Yeah, I know," Spike said.

"Good… good," Twilight said. "I'm glad you're setting more realistic goals for your love life, at any rate. But, you know, about Rarity…" Twilight stopped herself. Why would I tell him what Rarity said at the sleepover? That's just silly… "You know what, never mind."

"Hmm?" Spike said, confused. "What were you about to say?"

"Something absurd, just forget it," Twilight muttered.

The door chime rang again, and Fluttershy poked her head into the shop. "Twilight?" she said.

"Yeah, Fluttershy?" Twilight said.

"Well, I think I'm done agonizing now," Fluttershy said brightly. "I'm gonna do it… I'm gonna ask Big Macintosh to go out with me."

"That's wonderful!"

"Could you, um… accompany me?" Fluttershy asked.

"Why?" Twilight said, surprised.

"Well, I… first of all, I need some backup," Fluttershy said. "I can't do this all by myself… and I thought you'd be perfect, 'cause, you have the academic interest and you also want that special connection with somepony, so I thought you'd want to tag along and take notes. No matter how badly I fail, it's sure to be informative…" Her voice trailed off.

"Fluttershy," Twilight said firmly, walking over to her. "Don't go into it thinking you're going to fail. Everypony who knows you loves you, Fluttershy… he'll adore you."

Fluttershy took a deep breath in, then nodded, signaling she was ready to go.

"Okay," Twilight said. "Spike, you'll be all right by yourself for a little while?"

He nodded.

"Great," Twilight said.

Just outside, they crossed paths with Derpy.

"Oh, Derpy, have you dropped off my mail?" Twilight asked.

"Uh-huh," Derpy replied. Even her mailbag was somehow being carried in a quirky manner. "You got that new book you've been waiting for."

"Oh, good," Twilight said. "Wow, I ordered it weeks ago, why didn't it come sooner?"

"Oh, I took it so I could read it," Derpy said. "I'm done now, so I packaged it up again and, eh, now it's been delivered."

Twilight frowned. "Um… Derpy, not to alarm you, but that's technically a federal crime."

"Oh," Derpy said. "Um… sorry."

"No, no, it's okay," Twilight said. "But couldn't you have just waited for me to put it on the shelf so you could rent it?"

"Hmm, hadn't thought of that," Derpy said. "That's a good idea. See, that's why you run the library." She hugged Twilight tightly, and Twilight couldn't help but smile and hug her back.

"Have a good day, Derpy," Twilight said.

"See you guys later," Derpy said, fluttering into Sugarcube Corner. "Morning, Pinkie Pie," they heard her say. "I got your mail here…"

After Twilight and Fluttershy had been walking for a few more seconds, they heard Pinkie's voice, breaking through the walls with her excitement.

"A letter? For me? From Inkie Pie? SHE'S COMING HERE? YAHOOOOOOO!"

Twilight and Fluttershy exchanged glances and broke out laughing.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

At Sweet Apple Acres, Big Macintosh was atop a ladder, trimming the branches of a tree. Twilight and Fluttershy stayed concealed as they made their plans.

"How do we start?" Fluttershy said. "I should just be honest with him, right? Tell him that I've been watching him for a long time, and…"

Twilight flinched. "Yikes, even I know you don't open with that," she said, flipping through the book. "Look, he's your friend, isn't he? Just strike up a conversation… and then work in your proposal to take it a step further. See, that's where you have the edge. I don't even know anypony I'd want to go out with… but you, you really do know exactly what you want. Don't you?"

"Right," Fluttershy said. "What am I so nervous about? It's all words, just words." She stepped into the open. "I just march over there and say, 'Big Mac, I'd like you to go out with me!'" She turned on her heel and walked back to Twilight. "I can't say that, that's just ridiculous."

"Um, Fluttershy…" Twilight said nervously.

"I mean, I don't even know him, not really," Fluttershy said, pacing back and forth. "And he certainly doesn't have any clue who I am, to him I'm probably just the droopy girl who hangs out with his sister. What measure am I when he's got every flingin'-flangin' mare in Ponyville to occupy his attention—oh, I hear what you're saying!" she said sharply, raising one hoof in declaration. "I'll never know if I don't try. How often do I drill that into everypony else, and then—"

"Fluttershy—" Twilight tried to interject.

"Don't try to change my mind!" Fluttershy snapped, her wings bristling. "I have to do this! I have to!"

"Uh…" Twilight said, confused.

"I have to," Fluttershy announced, rising into the air, "because I'm so brain-explodingly in love with him that I'll just up and go insane if somepony else snaps him up!"

"Listen, Fluttershy…"

"Of course," Fluttershy said, her tone now quiet but so sorrowful that Twilight had to stop. "Of course, somepony else is gonna snap him up no matter what I do. I've always known that. I'm… I'm just not that special, damn it." She dropped to the ground, hanging her head. "You know what, never mind, just take me home."

Twilight didn't respond. "…Twilight?" Fluttershy said, concerned.

"Um, well…" Twilight said, clearing her throat. "I've been meaning to say through your whole spiel there, and I'm not sure what this does for your plans, but, ah, he heard everything you just said."

Fluttershy was suddenly aware of a very heavy presence standing just behind and to the side of her. "Um… did he really?" she asked casually.

"Uh-huh."

"Shoot," Fluttershy muttered. "I always speak too loudly, no matter how hard I try to keep a low profile…"

There was silence for a painfully long stretch of time.

"…So, are you gonna turn around and look at him?" Twilight asked.

"Never," Fluttershy squeaked.

In response, Twilight used her magic to lift Fluttershy off the ground and rotate her, setting her on the ground so she was face-to-face with Big Macintosh.

"…Hi, Big Mac," Fluttershy forced out.

"Hey," he replied.

"That… that was really messed-up, wasn't it?" she said, smiling.

He shrugged.

Twilight raised a hoof. "So, should I back off? Give you two some space to figure this thing out?"

"Eeyup," Big Mac replied.

"Awesome!" Twilight said. She ran for cover, choosing a spot just on the edge of the Everfree Forest where she could watch without hearing what was being said, and without being seen herself.

Rainbow Dash dropped down next to her. "Well, that could have gone better," she said.

Twilight jumped in surprise. "What the… have you been…?"

"Stalking Fluttershy?" Rainbow Dash supplied. "Yeah, I do it all the time. Well, not all the time. But I worry about her. You know what she does? She gets in her own way. Gets so freaked out she can't even move. And one of these days she'll need me to be there before it's a life-threatening situation and her limbs quit on her."

Twilight shrugged, figuring that that was as acceptable an excuse as she'd get.

"Really ramped up on my stalking in the past few days, though," Rainbow said after a few moments.

"Oh?"

"Yeah. I mean, I get seriously concerned, Twilight. Ever since I saw her gangle into flight camp as if she was… I don't know, something really gangly. Said to myself, yep, somepony's gotta watch out for that one. Turned out to be me."

"Uh-huh."

"Fluttershy's not like the rest of us," Rainbow said seriously. "She's got no ambition, see? She's happy the way she is. Then there was the sleepover, we all put her under pressure, made her realize she's got a big old piece missing… Kinda ruined her, didn't we? Now she knows, and she can't go without. Kind of like you, Twilight."

"Hmm?" Twilight said, confused.

"Wait, wait!" Rainbow said suddenly, her eyes on Fluttershy and Big Mac.

Fluttershy and Big Mac pressed their right front hooves together and shook once, as if they were making a deal… or setting a date. They turned and departed, both looking stunningly cheerful.

"Yes!" Twilight said, pumping a hoof.

"She's in, baby," Rainbow said smugly.

"So… what did you mean, she's like me?" Twilight asked. "In which respect, exactly?"

"Well, think about it," Rainbow said. "You came here looking for magic, right? And you thought that that'd be it for you, that that'd be all you'd need. But you found something else. So, what would you do if Ponyville and all your friends were taken away from you now?"

"I would die," Twilight said simply.